Whatever Doesn't Kill Us
by invalid-reality
Summary: Faith returns to Sunnydale shortly after Buffy's death and she finds her place with the Scooby gang, unprepared for Buffy's resurrection and the many events that unfold afterwards...
1. Chapter 1

****Author's Notes:** First things first, I've been toying with the idea of doing a season six rewrite since I started writing Fuffy. Twice I've been told not to do it since it's already been done, but since when do I ever listen to anyone? I'll be updating every Sunday evening from here on out. I would love to know what you all think of the first chapter :)**

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><p><strong>Chapter One<strong>

"Prisoner 430019, you got a visitor!" The guard shouts into my cell, banging his baton on the bars as he tries to get my attention. "Hey, did you hear me?"

"I heard you," I mutter under my breath and jump off the top bunk.

I stand with my hands behind my back as the guard opens the cell door. I don't say a word and look down at the ground in front of me as I follow him through the cell block, ignoring the cat calls and threats coming from every cell that I pass by. It's Wednesday and it's early, far earlier than any visitors I've gotten in the year that I've been locked up. And I'm exhausted, having been kept awake by nightmares all night long, nightmares of the past and nightmares only my fucked up subconscious can come up with.

The visitor's area is empty and the guard points to the cubicle down at the very end. I nod and walk down there, surprised to see Angel on the other side of the glass. I raise an eyebrow as I take a seat and pick up the phone.

"Hey, Angel. Kind of early for you to be here, isn't it?"

"I have some news."

"Good news?" I ask and he shakes his head no. "Figured as much. What's going on? New Big Bad or something? Need me to bust outta here and fight the good fight with your crew in LA?"

"Buffy's dead."

I feel the colour drain from my face even though I had that sinking gut feeling since last night that something had happened to her. Blame the nightmares and the shared slayer dreams we've randomly had since I'd been Called. Last night, the nightmares had felt far too real and the first one I woke up from, it felt like someone had ripped a part of my soul out of me. That first one was the worst too and that was the one that I saw Buffy dead on the ground the split second before I woke up.

Angel looks like he's been through hell and back. I notice it now. I've never seen him look so rough before, so…lost. I know what Buffy meant to him, she was his world even if he couldn't have her. There'd been a few visits where I had to listen to Angel talk about Buffy, sometimes he did it without realizing it and always apologized for bringing her up the way he did. I never cared though. I know how much he loves her and it shows whenever he says her name. I can't even imagine what he's thinking or how he's feeling right now.

"I-I don't know what to say," I whisper into the phone.

"Sunnydale needs you now," he says as he stares through the glass right at me. "Sunnydale needs a strong slayer and you're the only one left, Faith."

"In case you've forgotten, I'm stuck in here for twenty-five to life and there's fuck all I can do about that."

"I'm working on it," Angel says softly and I raise an eyebrow at that. "I've got you a good lawyer, Faith. He'll get you a fair trial and make the Judge realize there just wasn't enough evidence to charge you with both of those murders."

"But I _confessed_," I hiss into the phone and I lean back in the plastic orange chair to make sure none of the guards are eavesdropping. "Was all they needed to lock me up and throw away the key."

"Faith, you can't save the world locked up in prison and Sunnydale needs a slayer now more than ever. Once word gets out that Buffy is gone-"

"This lawyer," I cut him off and he sighs heavily into the phone. "Where'd you find him?"

"Wolfram and Hart."

I laugh hard. This is priceless. The evil law firm that's out to kill Angel is gonna help him get me outta prison? Now that's a laugh riot.

"There is another option," Angel says and I stop laughing and stare at him. "It's not an easy one, but it doesn't involve waiting for the case to move through the system and get to court."

"I'm all ears, big guy."

Angel very quietly explains the other option of getting me out of jail, sooner rather than later. He wants me to break outta here and before I do, he's going to get that same lawyer he got for me to hack into the prison records and clear my file, essentially wiping my slate clean. I shift uncomfortably in my seat, not so sure if that's something I'm willing to risk. I'm trying to do good, find my path on the road to redemption. Can't help but feel that breaking outta prison is the complete opposite of what I should be doing. It's wrong and I can see Angel knows it too, but there's a sense of desperation in him that I can't ignore.

I don't have much time left with him and I can already hear the guard making his way down to the cubicle to tell me that time is up. I don't want to have to make a decision now and I tell him I'll let him know what I've decided by the end of the week. I hang up the phone before the guard reaches the cubicle and I motion to Angel that I'll give him a call when I make my decision.

"Back to your cell," the guard grunts and I place my hands behind my back.

My mind is full of thoughts of what choice to make the whole walk back to my cell. I don't even hear the cat calls and the threats that are being yelled out at me as I walk past this time. The guard slams my cell door shut behind me as soon as I step inside.

Brenda, one of the older women that is serving three life sentences is in my cell waiting for me. I look back at the guard and he's sneering at me as he casually walks away. I turn to look Brenda in the eyes and she's stark-raving mad like the lunatic she is. I know what she's doing in here. She's trying to prove herself after our little scuffle out in the yard the other day. I took her down without even breaking a sweat when she charged at me and she probably thinks that now she has me trapped she'll get the upper hand.

"Bitch, you got any last words?"

"How about a couple first words?" I snap at her as I clench my fists at my side. "Go fuck yourself."

"You're dead, Lehane."

I see the shank in her hand, barely concealed under the sleeve of her blue shirt. I can feel my heart racing at the anticipation of the fight, just like it used to whenever I came across a vamp or a demon and knew I'd be the only one walking away in the end. I duck as she lunges forward and I sweep my leg around, forcing her to fall to the hard, cement floor. I move quickly to grab her left wrist and pull the shank out of her hand and toss it out of the cell.

"Ever hear of fighting fair, Butch?" I ask her and I see her breathing red when I call her the nickname some of the others have given to her behind her back.

"Life ain't fair," she chuckles as she pulls her hand free from my grasp and throws a hard punch to the side of my head.

She tries to punch me again, but I see it coming and duck out of the way. There's no way in hell I'm letting this crazy lunatic try beat my ass in my cell while the guard stands a few feet away just out of sight. Then again, I know if I fight back, I'll be in solitary for weeks and the chance of me getting out of here will be harder than ever. I give a little tap to the cheek just to egg her on and she's practically breathing fire as she charges at me again.

I close my eyes as she takes me down, pushing my face into the cold, hard floor. I hear the other guards' voices as they scramble to open the cell door and get Brenda off my back. She raining hard punches to the back of my head and I feel the edges of darkness pulling at me, drawing me in until everything fades away.

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><p>The steady beep of the heart machine is what I wake up to. I open my eyes and the lights in the room are so bright I feel blinded at first. I take in a few deep breaths and let my eyes adjust. I'm in the hospital infirmary and the beds next to me are empty. My left wrist is cuffed to the bed and I groan softly as I reach up to touch the bump on the back of my head with my free hand.<p>

"Welcome back, Faith," Eddie, the only guard in this place who seems to give a shit about me, says with a smile as he approaches my bed. "How you feeling?"

"Like I got hit by a truck named Butch," I chuckle softly. "How long have I been out for the count?"

"A day," he replies and he pulls up a chair and sits next to me. "I just started my shift when I saw what was going down. How come you never fight back?"

"Just don't," I shrug and I try to sit up, wincing as the room starts to spin. "Not worth it."

Eddie just nods and smiles sadly. He knows what it's like in here. He sees it day in and day out and can't do a damn thing to stop most of what goes on between the inmates. If it wasn't for Eddie, I probably wouldn't have been put in a cell by myself just to keep the other crazies off my back while I sleep at night.

"Brenda is being transferred to another block," he says to me and he reaches for the styrofoam cup of water that's next to the bed and hands it to me. "You won't need to worry about her anymore. And Declan, the guard that let it all go down, he's been let go."

"Wicked."

"I gotta go, my shift is about to start," Eddie says as he gets up from the chair and pushes it back against the wall. "Doc says you'll be out by tonight if you're feeling up to it."

"Hey, one upside of being in here is the beds are comfortable and it's quiet," I chuckle and he gives me a little wink before he heads for the main door. "Hey, Eddie?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for giving a shit," I say and he smiles at me before he walks out of the infirmary.

I sigh as I stretch out on the bed, every bone in my body cracking as I do. I try to get some more sleep, feeling the lingering effects of whatever pain medication the doctors in here were allowed to give me. I drift in and out of sleep for a couple of hours before one of the doctors comes to check on me. After a quick assessment, she tells me I'm fine enough to go back to my cell and tells me to make arrangements for a follow up in a couple of days. I have to wait for a guard to come down to the infirmary to escort me back to my cell and I wait in one of the chairs by the door, handcuffed to the railing on the wall.

I kept hoping that maybe it'd be Eddie who would come to get me to take me back to my cell, but instead it was a guard I'd never seen before. He knelt on the ground next to me and un-cuffed me from the railing. Something felt a little off about this guy, but I tried to shrug it off as I stood up from the chair slowly and cautiously. He doesn't say a word to me as he leads the way out of the infirmary and down one of the many maze-like corridors through the prison. He makes a left when I know we should've been going straight and he leads me right into a storage closet.

"What the _hell_ is going on?" I ask angrily as he checks the corridor both ways before he shuts the door.

"Name's Gunn," he says quickly and he grabs a plastic bag off the floor and hands it to me. "Hurry up and change."

"What?"

"Angel sent me for you, Faith. The lawyer he got that promised to help out bailed on us. I'll explain everything as soon as we're outta here. Now hurry up and change. We don't have much time."

I open the plastic bag and inside is a standard issue prison guard uniform and a wig. I laugh and give him a look like he's crazy if he thinks this'll work. He taps the watch on his wrist and I sigh heavily, deciding to go out on a limb and trust this guy. I strip out of my clothes and change into the guard's uniform. The wig is blonde and definitely not my style, but I put it on and tuck my hair under it the best I can. Gunn hands me a swipe card that all the guards have to get through each of the gates that cut off the prison from each ward and the outside world. I clip it to the belt and put my hands on my hips.

"What's the game plan here, Gunn?"

"Just getting through this place without being detected. Come on, I know the shortest route outta here. I got a car waiting outside."

I take a few deep breaths and follow him out of the storage closet. I keep my head low when we pass by a few guards, but they're too busy talking to one another they hardly even notice us as we walk past. My heart is racing so god damn fast it feels like it's about to leap out of my chest. I try to stay calm and try not to freak out and bail.

I know that it'll take us a good ten minutes to make it through the maze of corridors to the door that will lead us outside and to freedom. I grab on to Gunn's arm when he makes a turn and heads for the stairwell. He tells me to trust him and I shrug, deciding I have nothing left to lose at this point. He leads the way down the stairs quickly, down to the basement. It's cold, damp and eerily quiet aside from the few pipes that have water slowly dripping from them. Gunn pulls out a flashlight from his pocket and flips it on when we reach hole dug into the ground.

"You're joking," I laugh as I look down the hole and from the stench coming up from it, I can tell that it leads right into the sewers.

"Come on," Gunn urges and he slips down the hole and shines the light up at me. "We gotta move, Faith!"

I pull off the wig and drop it to the ground. I jump down the hole and land on the ground below a little harder than I expected to. Gunn is already making his way through the dark tunnel and I jog to catch up with him. The stench is overwhelming, but it kind of reminds me of the days I spent in Sunnydale going through the sewers during the day looking for nests. Gunn keeps up the pace and stops when we reach a fork in the tunnel.

"Here," he says as he grabs a bag stashed up in the pipes overhead. "Brought you a change of clothes for when we get outta here."

I sling the bag over my shoulder and follow him down the left tunnel. I don't know how long we walked for, but it felt like forever. The only sounds were the echoes our footsteps made in the thankfully dry as a bone sewer. The further away we get from the prison, the less my heart races wildly out of control. I start to calm down, but I know we're not out of the woods yet. Still got a long way to go before I'm essentially free of the place I should've spent the rest of my natural life in. A small voice inside my head keeps urging me to go back, telling me I'm making one of the biggest mistakes of my life breaking out of prison like this. It's a voice I've always ignored my whole life and I figured what's once more.

I want to kick Angel's ass for getting this guy Gunn to break me out of prison before I even made my choice. Guess I don't have a choice anymore now that the lawyer Angel had found bailed on us. Still, not gonna stop me from kicking Angel's ass a little bit for springing this on me without some kind of warning first that it'd be going down like this. In my head, the fantasy of breaking out of prison was much more elaborate and exciting, complete with dodging bullets and a wild car chase.

Can't say in the year I've been locked up that I didn't have those little fantasies of breaking out. Doing time and sitting in a cell for twenty-three hours a day gives you nothing but time alone with your thoughts. A pretty dangerous thing if you're someone like me. Gotta thank Angel though for all the times he's come to visit and talked to me about learning how to deal with my emotions. I don't know where I'd be without him now. He's a better shrink than the one the prison issued me. At least Angel listened to me; the prison shrink was just doing his job and didn't give a shit about what I was really feeling or thinking.

After what seems like forever, Gunn stops and grabs another bag out of the pipes overhead. He pulls out two bottles of water and hands me one, which I barely thank him for before I chug it down as if I'd been walking in a desert for days and was completely dying of thirst. I lean against the sewer wall and close my eyes, trying to ignore the throbbing pain in the back of my head now that the painkillers have completely worn off.

"You don't talk much, do you?" I ask him.

"Just focused on doing what Angel asked me to do and that's getting you outta here in one piece."

"I'm a slayer. I can handle myself."

"Yeah, so I've heard."

Gunn flashes me a smile and starts walking again. I sigh and push off the wall and follow him, shifting the bag from one shoulder to the other. It isn't much longer until I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. My heart starts to race again since I know being out in the open is gonna expose us and be easier for the law to track me down and haul my ass back to prison where I belong.

We both change into street clothes and I'm a bit surprised that these are my old clothes. They're a little snug, but I put them on anyway. Being in prison with three solid meals a day has put on a bit of extra pounds on my body, which I'm not about to complain about since my whole life I never had three solid meals in one day even if the quality of the prison food was a little shifty. I keep the guard's boots on since there was no change of shoes in the bag for me. I don't mind though, they feel comfortable despite being almost a size too big for me.

Gunn grabs the prison uniforms and we make our way out of the sewer. There's a bit of a chill in the air, but the air is fresh and a huge relief from the stench inside the sewer. I light up a cigarette and toss the lighter to Gunn and he sets the prison uniforms on fire. We both watch as they burn, black smoke curling up into the sky.

"Nasty habit, you know," Gunn says as he watches me smoke my cigarette. "Something you pick up on the inside?"

"Passes the time."

"It'll kill you."

"Betcha something else will before the big C does," I reply dryly and Gunn laughs. This guy isn't too bad, just don't get why he's hanging around Angel and the LA crew. I know he's a part of the crew in LA, I heard Angel mention him a couple of times. "Where's this car that's supposed to be waiting for us?"

"Parked it a few miles that way," he replies as he points to where the sun is just starting to set beyond the trees. "Gotta get a move on if you expect me to find it in the dark."

"And after we find the car? Where we headed, LA?"

"Nah, there's this safe house outside the city. Angel hooked you up. Said to keep you there 'til he figures out how to clear your name so you aren't a wanted fugitive."

"And how you feel running with a wanted fugitive, Gunn?"

"When it's one as gorgeous as you, I'm pretty sure I can handle whatever comes my way," Gunn says with a smile that lights up in his eyes.

I roll my eyes and I knew I should've seen it the minute we started talking once we reached the end of the tunnel. It's not that I'm not interested in the guy; he's cute in a desperate sort of way. But I promised myself about a month after I was put in prison that when I got out, I wasn't gonna be the same old Faith. I punch him in the arm and flick my cigarette into the ashes on the ground. We take turns stomping on the embers that are left from the prison guard clothes, making sure it's out before we leave.

I let Gunn lead the way through the woods as the sky grows dark. I keep looking back, expecting maybe twenty or thirty prison guards behind us chasing us down every time I hear a twig snap in the distance. But there are never any guards behind us every time I look and yet it doesn't make me breathe any easier. It's nearly pitch black by the time Gunn finds the car. He has it hidden under branches and he tosses the flashlight to me while he works on getting it uncovered.

Once we're in the car, getting it to start becomes another matter. I just light another cigarette and wait as he revs the engine, hitting the steering wheel every time it roars to life and sputters and dies a second later.

"Great get-away car, Gunn. Remind me next time I break outta prison to find someone with a better car than this piece of shit"

"Shh," he hisses and he strokes the dashboard. "She didn't mean it," he says to the car. "Come on, baby, start."

I roll my eyes and lean back in the front seat, propping my feet up on the dashboard and flick the ash out the crack in the window. After a few more tries, the engine roars to life. Gunn lets out a whooping laugh as he backs up and turns the car around. We're not exactly on a road, a trail maybe and the ride is far from smooth. Gunn cranks the radio though as soon as we're on the open road and I roll down the window, flick my cigarette out and watch the embers explode in the mirror as it hits the road behind us.

Wherever we're headed, I know it's gonna be a long drive. My stomach growls loudly, reminding me that I haven't eaten since yesterday. Gunn reaches blindly into the back seat and pulls out a bag of Doritos. I give him a look but take the offering, savouring each bite since eating nothing but prison food for a year really fucked with my taste buds. I need some real food and soon and I'm pretty sure Gunn is thinking the same thing since I hear his stomach growl even over the music. We're on the road for an hour before he pulls up next to a gate, overgrown with weeds and vines.

"Where are we?" I ask him as we both get out of the car. "This the safe house?"

"Should be, yeah. Just gotta get past this gate," he replies and he tries to open the gate, the metal creaking but not budging an inch.

I sigh and I push him aside and pull at the gate, feeling the metal creak and groan until it gives way and opens. I grin at him in a smart assed way and he just runs back to the car and hops in. I hope into the passenger side and crank up the music as he pulls in the private driveway. About five minutes off the road I spot a small cabin nestled in between a row of trees. It's not big, barely bigger than a shack, but it still looks better than my prison cell. All I gotta hope for is hot running water and I'll be happy.

"Angel said to sit tight. He'll be around later tonight," Gunn says as he stops the car just a few feet in front of the cabin. "You feeling all right, Faith?"

"Tense," I reply with a shrug and open the car door. "You staying or you going?"

"I gotta get back to LA."

"Thanks for what you did today," I say to him with a smile and he shrugs it off as if it's nothing.

"The least I can do to keep the Hellmouth in Sunnydale safe," he replies and smiles at me as I get out of the car. He pops the trunk and leans out the window. "Got you a few supplies in the back to tie you over 'til Angel gets here later."

I walk around to the back and pull out the cardboard box sitting in the trunk. Inside is a few cans of soup, a few cans of beer, matches, and a half dozen bottles of water. He tosses me a key for the padlock on the door and says his goodbyes before he backs up and heads down the driveway, leaving me alone in the darkness.

There isn't much to the place and it's not long before I find there's no electricity, no running water and the only source of heat seems to be the wood stove. It really could be worse. Like still stuck in prison worse with Butch's buddies trying to kill me.

I'm feeling on edge and keep expecting the cops to come crashing through the door at any second. I got a feeling that's not gonna go away, not even if Angel somehow magically managed to make my record disappear. I get the wood stove burning with the small stash of dry firewood I find out at the side of the cabin. I no longer feel as hungry as I was in the car and I lie on the cot and place my hands behind my head and try to relax. I watch the shadows from the burning wood flicker across the ceiling and for the first time I feel the tears in my eyes start to fall.

These are the tears that wanted to fall when Angel told me Buffy is gone. These are the tears that have been waiting for what feels like an eternity to fall.

Angel told me once to never let the past define who you are, but to let it be a part of who you will become. Who I'll become from this day forward, I have no idea, and I'm scared as hell to find out just what the future holds for me.

Especially now that the world only has one Slayer. Me.


	2. Chapter 2

****Author's Notes:** Thanks for the reviews guys. It's Sunday so you know what that means, another new chapter. Enjoy and as always, I'd love to know what you think so far :)**

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><p><strong>Chapter Two<strong>

It's been three days since Gunn busted me out of jail and I still feel on edge. At least now I'm not stuck in some creepy cabin in the middle of nowhere. I'm staying with Angel and his crew at the Hyperion Hotel down in LA, laying low while Angel waits for Giles to come pay us a visit.

It's just after sunset and I head down from my room in search of Angel. I haven't seen much of him since he showed up at the cabin and explained everything to me a few nights ago. Turns out, he had the whole "break Faith outta prison" plan cooked up for a little while, just in case things took a turn for the worse out here in the real world. Soon as we were back in LA, Angel made a call to Giles and explained everything to him. Took him a bit to convince Giles I didn't brainwash him and his crew into busting me out of jail. Can't blame him though. Giles always seemed to have a decent head on his shoulders; always going on gut instinct when it comes to people he just can't trust.

The crew here in LA is pretty decent too and I wouldn't mind sticking around for a little while. Gunn is great and he can be a good, strong fighter when someone lights a fire under his ass. Cordy is here of course, bitchier than I remember her being. She keeps to herself mostly, and when we do end up in the same room, she barely says a word to me. I'm all right with that. Never liked her much to begin with, but I figure if she's here fighting the good fight with Angel, she has to be okay.

Wesley is here too, which made me wicked leery at first about being around him, especially considering the last time I saw him I was torturing the poor guy. He's different now too; stronger, darker, rough around the edges, and definitely less of the pansy-ass wuss he used to be back in Sunnydale. I know he can't trust me and he keeps watching his back whenever I'm around. Can't blame him though, just like I can't blame anyone for not being able to trust me.

There's Lorne and who can't love this demon? First night I showed up at the hotel, he's there with a fruity cocktail, wanting to make friends. I don't know much about him, but he's pretty decent for a demon. I refuse to let him hear me sing. I don't want to know what my future holds before it happens. Truth it, I'm terrified of knowing what the future holds for me.

And then there's Fred, the girl they rescued from Pylea just before Buffy's death. She hasn't come out of her room since and from the stories Gunn has told me, I can't blame her for taking sanctuary in her room. The more Gunn talks about her though, the more I get the feeling he's sweet on her. But it's 'cause of Fred and the fact she's a complete wiz when it comes to hacking that I no longer have a record. It's 'cause of her my slate has been wiped clean. Just wish she'd venture out of her room long enough to give me the chance to thank her for doing what she's done for me.

I don't find Angel down in the lobby as I expected to. Cordy tells me he's still up in his room without even glancing up from behind the desk where she's ever so slowly filing away her nails. I roll my eyes and head back up the stairs and down the hallway towards Angel's room.

"Hey, big guy, what's going on?" I ask him as I stand in the doorway to his room. He's packing, something I didn't expect to see at all. "Angel?"

"Faith," he sighs as he turns to look at me. "I can't stay here."

"What's going on?"

"I have to get out of here for a while," he says and I can hear how heartbroken he is. It's just progressively gotten worse since he came to see me the day after Buffy died. "I don't know where I'm going and I don't know when I'll be back. Giles is coming for you. He's aware of the situation and knows the best thing right now is for you to be in Sunnydale."

"But-"

"Everything will be fine, Faith. Wesley is here. He'll talk to Giles on my behalf."

"Fuck that!" I say as I storm into his room and stop him from packing what's left of his clothes. "What the hell, Angel? You bust me out and just what, pawn me off first chance you get?"

"You understand why I can't stay here, don't you?"

"Because of Bu-"

"I need time," he cuts me off before I can even say her name. "I just need some time. I want to be here for you, Faith. I want to help you find your way, but right now I can't and Giles agreed to give you a second chance and bring you back to Sunnydale where you are needed."

I cross my arms over my chest and he frowns. He's being all broody, more so than what's normal for him, but I can't blame him though. The love of his life is dead and gone and he probably feels like a piece of his soul is missing. I feel like there's a piece of my soul missing too, but I hardly think it's the same as he's feeling right now.

"I'm stopping by in Sunnydale tomorrow night. She's being put to rest tomorrow morning. I need to say goodbye one last time before I leave. Giles should be here in a day or two."

I nod my head, not knowing what to say. I know no matter what I say or don't say, it'll come out wrong and probably push him over the edge of whatever is left of his sanity right now.

"Stay safe, Faith," he says as he walks over to me and wraps his arms around me in a tight hug. "Don't make me come back here because you've gotten yourself in a mess you can't dig yourself out of."

"Don't worry about me," I say with a smile as I back away from him. "I'll be fine. Just promise me one thing, all right?"

"What's that?"

"Take care of yourself wherever you go and try to drop me a line every once in a while, catch me up on things and whatever."

Angel cracks a small smile and hugs me once more before he ushers me out of his room and shuts the door quickly behind me. I head back downstairs to the lobby, not surprised to find the whole crew-minus Fred-down there. Cordy is on the phone, Wes is checking out the weapons in the display case with Gunn and Lorne is on the couch with a drink in one hand and the evening paper in the other.

It was Angel's decision for me not to go on patrol with the others, just to play it safe in case Fred's hacking of my records didn't quite work as well as it seemed. I'm itching to get out there, the slayer inside of me tells me that the night is my time and I have to keep denying it. Being locked up for a year and unable to slay really has grated my nerves. I just need a bit of release, is all, but I'm gonna play the role of the good Slayer for once and stay under the radar until I get to Sunnydale.

"You coming with us tonight?" Gunn asks as he chooses a small broadsword from the case.

"Can't."

"Can't or won't?"

"Little of both. You know why I can't come with you guys, Gunn," I say, sighing heavily as Wes gives me a surprised look. "Unless you _need_ me out there tonight."

"We can manage," Wes says and he walks over to me and motions for me to step aside with him. "Faith, I must say I admire your strength right now. I chose not to believe Angel when he would tell me how much you've changed since you've been in prison. I do hope this is real and not some façade that'll fade away as soon as you get too comfortable here."

"Don't worry, Wes, this is not a façade or anything. What you see is what you get."

"I know that all too well from the last time," he grimaces and I look at the floor by my feet, knowing the right thing to do would be to apologize to him about the things I did to him. "Keep an eye on Fred while we're gone?"

"I'll stand guard outside her room in case she decides tonight of all nights to come out."

Wesley chuckled and chose his weapon for patrol; a similar broadsword like the one Gunn was now trying to fit into a well-worn leather bag. Everyone in the lobby stopped what they were doing when Angel descended down the stairs carrying two large bags. I lowered my eyes back to the floor when he reached the front door and dropped his bags to the ground.

"You're leaving? Now?" Cordy asks loudly, breaking the heavy silence in the lobby. Her heels click-clack loudly against the floor as she runs over to him. "You can't leave now, Angel!"

"I have to," he says softly and I can tell from where I'm standing that Cordy is crying.

"What are we going to do with _her_?"

"Giles will be here in a few days to bring her back to Sunnydale. I need you and the others to look out for her until then," Angel replies and he hugs her tightly before he walks over to Wes and whispers something to him that makes him nod his head sadly. "I'll call and check in, if there are even phones where I am going. Take care of yourself, Wes, and look out for the others while I'm gone."

I watch Angel as he walks back over to where his bags are and picks them up. He doesn't turn around to look at any of us as he leaves. I don't know if the others even realize how goddamn heartbroken he is right now. Even if they do know, I doubt they know what it's like to feel it on the level Angel is feeling it right now. I still want to tell him I feel a piece of me is gone too, that I've felt it since the night Buffy died, only piecing it together when he told me the next morning she was gone.

There's this solemn feel once Angel is gone. Cordy goes back behind the desk and picks up her nail file, fighting back the tears as she goes back to filing her nails and waiting for the phone to ring. Lorne is passed out on the couch now, his glass nearly empty and soft snores escaping past his lips with every other breath. Gunn and Wes are packing up a few more weapons before they slip out the front door into the night without a word.

I head for the kitchen to make myself a couple peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to take back up to my room with me. There's also a few beers stashed in the fridge and I take them with me. The room Angel put me in is pretty decent. The walls are burgundy, the furniture black and the bedspread matches the walls. It's not big, but it's a helluva lot better than my old digs, prison and otherwise. There's even a small TV sitting on top of the dresser and I flip it on and flop down on the bed.

I flip through the channels and stop when I find the news on one of them. It's the usual news stories filled with loads of crime, murders, and other depressing shit that makes me remember why I hated this world so much in the first place. I crack open the first can of beer and flip through the channels again, trying to find something not so fucking depressing to watch.

I have a feeling that the next couple of days before Giles shows up is going to be a long, boring couple of days. Gives me plenty of time to figure out how I'm gonna deal with being back in Sunnydale around the Scooby gang again. They'll probably want me gone, that's a given. They don't trust me and I can't blame them after everything I did to them and to Buffy. Earning their trust back is gonna be hard, but I'm determined to do it for the greater good. First things first though, earning Giles' trust is at the top of the list of priorities. I just gotta take Angel's advice and not expect too much too soon.

* * *

><p>It's late in the afternoon on Thursday when Giles finally shows up at the Hyperion. He looks worse for the wear and in desperate need of a shave. His eyes are red, probably from all the crying he's been doing in the last week. I stay up on the balcony, hidden in the shadows as I watch him and Wes talk quietly down in the lobby below.<p>

I'm already packed up and ready to go. Thanks to the generosity of Angel and Gunn, I got to go shopping for some new clothes. It isn't much, but it's enough and more than what I'm used to having. Wes even went as far as giving me two short broadswords, hardly longer than a foot each. But they're sharp and light and I nearly hugged him when he gave them to me last night to take with me to Sunnydale. He chalked it up to not wanting me to arrive in Sunnydale without a couple decent weapons to use when the time comes.

After seeing Wes the last couple of days and the way he is now, I kinda wish he was like that back in Sunnydale when he first got there instead of the pansy-ass Watcher he appeared to be. Maybe things would've gone a lot different, maybe not. I gotta keep reminding myself not to think of the past, but of the present and how the choices I make today will help shape the future ahead of me.

"Faith?" Wes calls up and I groan softly, knowing I can't hide away in the shadows up here any longer. "Are you coming down?"

"Yeah," I mutter just loud enough for him to hear and I head down the stairs slowly, not looking at Giles until I'm standing a few feet away from him. "Hey, G."

"Faith," he nods and I can see the sadness in his eyes, like he too is missing a piece of his soul. "If you're ready, I'd like to head back to Sunnydale soon. We've got a long drive ahead of us."

I point to where my bags are by the front door. Gunn leaps up from where he's been sitting on the couch to grab them before I get the chance to. I smile at him and he heads out the front door to load my bags up in Giles' car.

"Have you eaten?" Giles asks me and I shake my head no. "We'll stop on our way," he says and he looks over at Wesley. "I'll be in touch."

I follow Giles outside after I say my quick goodbyes to Wesley, Lorne, and Cordy. I have a lingering feeling I'll be seeing them again, sooner rather than later. Giles gets in the passenger side of a sporty red car. I raise my eyes in mild surprise that he'd even have a car like that. I expected his old hunk of junk he was driving the last time I was in Sunnydale. I want to joke about him having a midlife crisis, but now definitely isn't the time to be making jokes when I'm trying to get on his good side again and earn his trust back.

Gunn pulls me in for a hug before I can open the car door. "I'll miss you, Faith," he whispers and I laugh and hug him tightly. "Come back and see us sometime."

"I will, don't worry. Maybe you could come to Sunnydale, help us fight the good fight if we find ourselves in the middle of an apocalypse and need an extra hand or two."

"Sure," he smiles as he backs away and I hop in the car and shut the door quickly.

Giles is quiet as he drives through the busy streets of LA. I just stare out the window and try not to think about the last time I saw him. Shit had gone down in Sunnydale and I was in Buffy's body. It wasn't pretty and I feel horrible about what happened. I woke up with revenge on my mind. It was a hard thing to shake and I don't think it really sunk in that the world had gone and changed on me while I was in that coma until I was on the train headed for LA.

There'll be plenty of time for apologies once we're back in Sunnydale. Giles just buried his slayer, the daughter he never had, and the last thing I want to do is make him more upset than he already is. Once he's on the highway, he turns on the radio and cranks it full blast. I laugh and lean back in the seat, closing my eyes as I let the feel of the road under the car lull me into a light sleep.

"Faith?" Giles says loudly, waking me up after god knows how long I'd been sleeping. "We're going to grab a bite to eat before we make the rest of the trip. I have a quick phone call to make before we continue."

"Sure," I sigh and yawn as I stretch out in the car seat slowly. "How much further we got to go?"

"Another two hours, give or take."

"Cool," I say with a forced smile and get out of the car. I stretch again and watch as Giles makes his way over to the payphones along the wall by the small diner he's found.

I recognize this place. I'd stopped her on my way to Sunnydale a few years ago while I was running from Kakistos. I'd hitched a ride from here to Sunnydale with a group of college kids coming back from a weekend trip to LA. I can't believe how long it's been and how many fucked up mistakes I've made along the way. Like I promised myself in prison, I wasn't going to go down that road in life any longer. I'm more than determined to change, to become a better person, and to make amends with those I hurt the most in the past.

I just wish that Angel didn't have to take off to god knows where for god knows how long. I need him around more than ever. I need him to remind me to stay calm when my emotions get to the better of me. I need him to remind me that I'm not who I used to be a year ago and that I'm strong, emotionally and physically. The only thing I can do now that he's no longer just a phone call or a visit away, is to remember all the things he's told me and taught me in the last year. The main thing I gotta remember is that the road to redemption doesn't come easy or quickly for that matter.

After Giles is finished making his phone call, we head inside the diner and order burgers, french-fries and Cokes. Giles barely touches his food even though I can bet anything he hasn't eaten much in the last week. We don't talk and we barely make eye-contact the entire half-hour we're inside the roadside diner. I'm starving and it shows. Once I've polished off my plate, Giles slides his across the table and motions for me to finish his untouched burger.

"The others don't know that you're coming back with me," he says quietly and I nearly choke on the last bite of my burger. "I wasn't sure what to tell them and I prefer that they don't know you're back for a little while."

"It's cool, G. I get it. I'll make myself practically invisible until you let them know I'm back in town."

"Good," he sighs and he sips his Coke slowly. "Did Angel tell you of the living arrangements?"

"No, left out quite a bit of the important details. Told me you'd catch me up on what's the what."

"You'll be staying with me until we can arrange other suitable living arrangements. I unfortunately do not have a spare bed."

"The couch will be fine, Giles," I say with a small smile. "I appreciate you giving me this chance."

"I do not have much of a choice in the matter, do I, Faith? The Hellmouth is without a Slayer and you are the only one left now. It's the right thing to do, to have the Slayer where she is needed. Past grievances aside, I'm positive after a while, things will become somewhat normal again for all of us."

"Or at least as normal as normal gets for us," I reply with a laugh and it draws out the first smile I've seen from him since he showed up in LA this afternoon. "How is everyone holding up?"

"Barely hanging on. Dawn I'm afraid has taken this worse than when their mother passed away. Willow and Tara have moved into the house and have been granted temporary guardianship. I will tell you right now that nobody knows that Buffy has died. There is no record of her death. I had to arrange with the Council to make it so her death is untraceable."

"To protect the Hellmouth, right? Soon as word gets out she's gone, all hell breaks loose even if I'm there, right?"

"Almost certain that is what could happen, which is why we must be extremely alert and careful with how we deal with things in Sunnydale from here on out."

Giles doesn't say anything more. I can tell he's afraid of who or what will overhear our conversation even though the place is nearly empty and the only waitress is too busy standing by the kitchen door, flirting with the cook. He drops a twenty on the table and we leave, leaving the waitress with at least a seven dollar tip.

There are a lot of questions I need to ask him, but he seems all talked out right now and I decide to wait until we get to Sunnydale. I close my eyes once we're back out on the road and I don't open them again until I hear the voice on the radio predicting another sunny day in Sunnydale for tomorrow. I open my eyes just in time to see the 'Welcome to Sunnydale' sign and it makes me feel tense and it makes my whole body begin to buzz more than I've felt in a year.

The Hellmouth has always made me feel on edge. Maybe it's a slayer thing. It makes me wish Buffy was still alive so I could ask her myself since it's something only another slayer would know how it felt to be around a Hellmouth as powerful as the one in Sunnydale.

Giles pulls into the parking lot of the apartment complex and I hop out as soon as he kills the engine. I grab my duffle bags out of the back seat and follow him to his door. He seems even more tired than he did when he showed up in LA and I'm not too surprised to see his apartment looks like a bomb went off inside. There are papers strewn over the desk and the coffee table. Empty tea cups sitting on top and in the kitchen there's a sink full of dirty dishes and half a piece of what looks like coffee cake sitting on a plate on the counter.

I make my way over to the couch and drop my bags to the floor. Giles is already moving around the apartment, scrambling to pick up after himself. I'm guessing he didn't realize how much of a mess he'd left the place in. not like I care, honestly. He's been through a lot with having to face that Hell God, Glory, and then with Buffy's death.

"G?" I say quietly as I walk over to where he's trying to pick the papers up from the desk. "Don't even worry about it. Not gonna judge."

He looks flustered but stops and reaches for the nearly empty bottle of what looks like rum or whiskey. "Would you care for a drink, Faith?"

I shake my head no and take a seat on the couch. It's not the most comfortable couch in the world, but it's not gonna kill me to crash here for a little while. Giles takes the arm chair and sits down heavily. I can smell the whiskey as soon as he takes a sip and lets out a heavy sigh afterwards.

"There is one matter that I need to discuss with you," he says softly. "Give me a couple of days to tell the others that you're here. Once I do, there is a spell we can do that'll make you appear to others as Buffy."

What the fuck is he talking about? I look at him wide eyed, thinking he's definitely lost his mind.

"The only purpose of that would be out on patrol," he finishes. Still not helping me think he hasn't gone crazy over losing Buffy. "I know how far-fetched the idea seems to you, Faith. It's not natural, of course, but it is the only way to protect the Hellmouth and word that Buffy has passed on."

"So what, I go around wearing a Buffy cloak while I'm out on patrol, pretending to be her for the greater good? Fuck that, Giles. This ain't what I signed on for."

Giles closes his eyes as he removes his glasses and I know he's reached the end of his line of tolerance, not just for me but for everything in this world. I shakily run my hands through my hair and shake my head a couple of times. The idea is crazy. Stupid. Brilliant too, until it all backfires of course.

"I'm not doing it, G," I say firmly. "No way in hell am I doing that."

"And what happens when you have no other choice, Faith?"

"We'll walk that road when we get there," I reply and I stand up and walk over to where Giles left the bottle of whiskey. I find myself a clean glass in the kitchen and pour myself a drink. "Can I smoke in here?" I ask him and he just stares blankly at me. "I'm gonna take that as a no."

"There is an ashtray in the cupboard above the fridge," he says just as I'm about to head out the front door. "It's a nasty habit, Faith. One you picked up in prison?"

"Yeah. Was something to pass the time at first, now it just keeps me calm."

"Understandable."

I got a funny feeling the first couple of days here are gonna be a bit tense. A bit being a huge understatement. There are still a lot of things I'm not being told, but Giles is already finishing off his first glass of whiskey and pouring himself another. He doesn't say a word to me as he heads up the stairs to his room. I can only faintly hear him crying after he's up there for a couple of minutes and I sigh heavily as I grab the ashtray and plant myself on the couch.

I can recognize a downward spiral when I see one. Been around a mother who slipped down numerous of them before she wound up dead. Sure, it was for different reasons, but Giles has that same blank, haunted look in his eyes that my mother used to get just before she slipped away into a void that only alcohol and drugs could keep her afloat.

I can only imagine what the rest of the Scoobs are going through now. I don't think I'm prepared to face them. Not so soon after Buffy's death, at least. But if the way Giles is acting is any indication, things really _aren't_ gonna be easy around here.

Not for a long time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

The first night in Sunnydale was the longest. I couldn't sleep and after an hour of pacing through the apartment, I gave up and started cleaning the place up, figuring it was the least I could do for Giles taking me in without so much batting an eyelash. That morning, he barely said a word, but I saw he noticed what I'd done for him while he'd been sleeping.

The second day wasn't any easier, but it wasn't hard either. Giles woke me up bright and early, deciding that it was the day he started training with me. I didn't put up a fight. I knew he missed having a slayer of his very own and I know for a fact Buffy had not been _his_ slayer for quite some time. He pushed me to my limits, which is what my first Watcher did before she was killed. It made me realize how much I missed being a true slayer with a Watcher, training the way we're meant to be trained day in and day out. By the end of the day, we left the old gym a few blocks from the apartment, both of us tired and sore and hungry. We didn't talk much about anything other than figuring out a specific training schedule that'll work for both of us and I was totally okay with that.

The third day, Willow stopped by to talk to Giles. I was in the shower when she knocked on the door and stayed in the bathroom hiding until Giles came to tell me she was gone. Slowly their lives were getting back on track from what I overheard Willow and Giles talking about. I asked Giles a few hours after Willow had come and gone, when he was planning to tell the Scooby gang and just _what_ exactly he was planning to say to them about why and how I was back in Sunnydale. Giles just told me not to worry about it and that when the times comes, he'll tell me beforehand in case the others take it in the worst way. That was highly likely and I don't know if I'm prepared to run and hide. That's just not who I am. Doing it for three days here in Sunnydale has made me feel more anxious than I remember feeling.

And this morning, the fourth day in Sunnydale, I'm making coffee in the kitchen and I can hear Giles talking on the phone quietly in the living room. I try to be quiet, but I accidently drop one of the mugs and I freeze. I look over at Giles, he's stock still, and only faintly I can hear the voice on the other line asking him what just happened.

"Nothing, Willow. I er, accidentally knocked over a mug. No, no nobody is here. No, don't come over. Willow…" Giles sighs as he pulls the phone away from his ear and hangs it up. "Bloody hell."

"She's coming here to check up on you, isn't she?"

"I'm afraid so," he frowns.

"You need me to go hide under the bed or something like that?" I ask, partially joking and when he shakes his head no, I stare at him like he's grown a second set of eyes. "What, you're gonna let her come here and see that I'm here, just like that?"

"We cannot keep you under the radar for much longer, Faith. It's time they know."

"But this is Willow, G, all trigger happy with the witch-fu lately from the things you told me yesterday. What if she turns me into like a frog or makes me spontaneously combust the instant she sees me? Or worse, what if she-"

"Faith, do try not to blow things out of proportion so quickly. I'm certain she won't turn you into a frog or make you spontaneously combust or worse."

I see a hint of a smile though and I relax. Any little sign I see in Giles that he's less depressed over Buffy's death, no matter what makes him smile, is a good thing.

"I'll hold you to that," I say, chuckling as I kneel down and start to pick up the bigger pieces of the broken mug off the floor.

My hands are shaking and I can't fucking believe I'm afraid of what _Willow_ could do to me. She's a pretty damn powerful witch now from the things that Giles told me about. I knew it already though from the things that Angel told me whenever he'd come to visit. Facing the old shy and innocent Willow is nothing, but this one? This new Willow with all this power? Makes even a former badass slayer shake in her shit-kicker boots a little.

Giles tries to tell me to stay calm and that it won't be nearly as bad as I'm expecting. I gotta wonder if he's been drinking again even as early as it is. Has he forgotten what happened the last time I faced the Scooby gang? I try to keep myself calm and stand by the back window and light up a cigarette. Giles shoots a disapproving look my way and I ignore it. It's the same look he gives me whenever I'm in the same room as him when that nicotine craving hits.

I'm really not fucking surprised when Willow shows up with Tara, Xander, and Anya nearly half an hour after she'd been on the phone with Giles. It's dead silent in the apartment and I know any second now all hell is gonna break loose. I don't even move from where I'm standing at the window, chain smoking 'cause of the nerves, and it seems like nobody knows what to do or say for those first few crucial seconds.

"What the _hell_ is she doing here?" Willow says, breaking the heavy silence that's all but swallowed us all up. "Giles, what the hell is _she_ doing here?"

"Did she hurt you?" Xander asks, rushing over to Giles as soon as he snaps out of whatever stupor he's slipped into the moment he walked in the door. "Giles? Did she hurt you?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Giles says, batting Xander's hands away as Xander reaches out for him.

"Get out," Willow spits her words out like they're venom. "Get the hell out of here and out of Sunnydale and go back to prison where murderous trash like you belong."

I can't seem to move away from the window or speak. I barely flinch when Willow walks right up to me and grabs the front of my shirt.

"Did you hear me, Faith? You're not welcome here!"

"I heard you," I utter out softly and I glance over at Giles, waiting for him to step in and do that whole explaining the situation thing he said he'd do. "Giles?"

"Bloody hell," he mutters under his breath and he pulls Willow away from me. "If you would all stop acting like children and give me a chance to explain what is going on-"

"She's brainwashed him," Xander says, mostly to Anya who nods her head in agreement. "He thinks she's not here to kill him."

"I'm not," I say as I straighten out my shirt.

"Would you just sit down and listen?" Giles says firmly in that tone of voice that shows them just who is boss. Xander is the first to sit on the couch within a second. I try not to laugh at the obedience he's showing to Giles. "Willow?"

"How can you just stand here and act like everything is okay, Giles?"

"Would you please let past grievances slip aside for one bloody moment and let me explain?"

It's Tara who pulls Willow aside and I can't help but watch as she tries to calm Willow down. It's almost sweet seeing where they are now together considering how I first met Tara. I'm trying not to think of the past, especially not the body-swap. What's been done is done, I've made my peace with it and now all that's left is properly apologizing to those it affected. And the one it affected the most isn't even alive to hear me tell her how fucking sorry I am for the shit I pulled on her and how much I hurt her and her friends, her family.

And it's Tara who makes Willow sit down next to Xander on the couch and she sits on the other side, holding Willow's hand, acting like her tether.

"I don't see why you guys are all freaking out," Anya says as she stands near me with her arms crossed. "She's obviously not that crazy, murderous slayer anymore. If she was, she'd have slaughtered us all by now."

"Ahn," Xander says and she shrugs him off.

"What, Xander? It's true. If she was who you all say she was before, none of us would actually be alive right now. Or we would be alive, but bound to chairs and being repeatedly tortured into a slow death."

I can't believe this chick. I can't even stop the laughter that escapes either.

Giles looks like he's barely hanging on by a thread here and I stay where I am, keeping my eyes on Willow in case she decides to try anything funny. There is a dead silence before Giles begins to tell them everything from the beginning. He told them how it was ultimately Angel who made the choice in getting me out of jail and that it was Angel who had called him and convinced him to take me in. He told them what they already knew, that the Hellmouth needs a slayer and I'm the only one left standing.

Willow looks unconvinced at this point and I can't blame her. I can't read Xander, he's just staring blankly at Giles as he speaks. Anya looks bored out of her mind and Tara, I can't read her either, but she's gently stroking Willow's back in attempt to keep her calm so her attention is more focused on Willow than what Giles is explaining to them.

Giles goes on to tell them that things have changed and whether they believe it or not, that I have changed too. Willow goes to open her mouth to say exactly what I know is coming, but Giles stops her and puts her in her place, telling her to shut up and let him speak. Go Giles!

He hasn't even gotten to the best part yet, where he asks Willow to conjure up a glamour spell to make me look like Buffy while I'm out on patrol. Can't wait for him to get _that_ one out and expect Willow to keep quiet or to keep her witch-fu to herself after that point.

He allows Willow to speak though before he continues. She asks him how long I'd been in Sunnydale for. I swear at this point, I'm about ready to bail. It's going to get worse and worse and I'm gonna be left as a frog or something by the time Willow is done with me. I hold my breath when Giles tells them that I've been in town for four days and out of prison for a week. It's Willow's lack of reaction that scares me more than anything now.

I feel zero sense of relief when she storms out of the apartment after that. Giles just turns to me and sighs as he moves to sit in the arm chair. He picks up his glass of whiskey and takes a small sip, shaking his head and I'm left wondering just what's going through his mind right about now.

"So, she's not evil anymore?" Anya asks and everyone turns to look at her. "Really, if what Giles says is true, she's not evil anymore and she's here to do good, protect the Hellmouth like the good little slayer she should've always been."

"Ahn, it doesn't matter if she's not evil _now_," Xander says patiently. "None of us can just forgive her for what she's done to us. If Buffy was still here-"

"She's not," Anya snaps and Xander lowers his eyes to the floor. "She's not here, Xander. There is only one slayer left and we're looking right at her."

"She's right," Tara whispers. "Faith is the only slayer left and the Hellmouth needs a slayer here. It's safer for all of us, not just in Sunnydale, but the rest of the world."

"You don't get it, do you? If Buffy was still here, she'd never allow Faith to walk back here and just take over Sunnydale. She tried it before and we all remember how that one turned out," Xander says angrily and he stands up from the couch, pushing Anya's hand away when she tries to stop him. "Giles, _you_ may have forgiven Faith for what she's done, but it's not gonna be that easy for Will or me to do that. We haven't forgotten what she's done and we're not going to forgive her so easily."

Xander leaves then and I roll my eyes and take a seat in the other arm chair. Giles is only staring into his glass, a far-away look on his face that tells me he's deep in thought. Or I could be wrong and he's just trying to forget everything that's just happened.

"Knew this was a bad idea," I say quietly and shake my head and wish I had a cigarette left. I smoked my last one before Willow and the others had shown up.

"What was prison like?" Anya asks and I laugh, figuring she's just trying to change the subject.

"Anya," Giles warns her before I can even answer her. "Now is not the time."

Anya huffs and stands up, crossing her arms over her chest. "Fine. Are you coming to the Magic Box today?"

"Possibly later once I've gotten a few things sorted out here."

Anya leaves then without another word. I get the feeling things are highly hilarious whenever she's around. Kind of makes me wish she was around back when I was here before, might've kept me on my toes enough to keep me from making the mistakes I made.

Tara just keeps sitting there and I feel a little self-conscious with her staring at me the way she is. I remember the first time I saw her. She was so fucking shy, stuttering her words, but now? She's grown into an entirely different woman, one I got a feeling that given the chance, there's a slight possibility we could end up friends. I gotta wonder if she remembers our one and only meeting while I was wearing Buffy's body and judging from the look on her face right now, I'm gonna guess she does remember.

When the phone rings, Giles takes the cordless upstairs to talk to the caller in private, leaving me alone with Tara. I can't seem to stop fidgeting either and she just won't stop staring at me.

"How have you been, Faith?"

"Good, I guess," I shrug. "You?"

"Been better. It's been tough the last couple of months, even harder for the last couple of days. Dawn can't stop crying."

"I'm sorry," I utter, not sure what else to say. "Wish it didn't have to be this way."

Tara just nods and I can see the tears building up in her eyes. If she starts crying, I don't know how I'm gonna handle that. I rarely let myself be around people when they cry. It stirs up too many of my own emotions I still can't quite handle.

"I-I should go," Tara says softly as she stands up from the couch. "I need to find Willow and make sure she's okay. Give them some time, Faith. They'll come around and realize that we do need you here in Sunnydale."

Giles comes down just as she leaves and he stands at the desk, shaking his head as he places the phone down on the charger. I don't bother asking him what's going on since I can tell he didn't get good news with that phone call. I grab my jacket from the couch, checking to make sure I have enough money to buy a pack of cigarettes down at the store half a block away.

I head out, leaving Giles alone, but not before I check to make sure we don't need anything while I'm out. It's almost eerily calm out on the streets and barely any cars pass by on what is normally a busy street. The store is empty other than the old man sitting behind the counter by the register. I grab a couple bottles of Coke, a bag of chips and walk up, placing the items down on the counter before I ask him for a pack of Lucky's. The man barely looks at me as he blindly reaches for the pack of cigarettes behind him. His eyes are glued to the TV sitting next to the register.

"_The murders have increasingly become worse in Sunnydale in the last week with no suspects, reason or cause. The police in Sunnydale have enlisted the help of neighbouring police forces with hope in tracking down the killers. More developments to come, after the break."_

"God damn punks," the old man mutters as I hand him the cash. "Come into our town killing our folk and get away with it. What's the point in having cops if more people are dying every single day? The end of the world is coming, girl. Don't say I didn't warn you when it happens."

I know exactly who-well, what is killing these people and why the murder rate has gotten worse in the last week. Buffy is dead, there is no slayer to protect the town from the vampires and demons around here. I grab my stuff and head back to the apartment quickly, knowing we gotta put a stop to it before things get even worse and before word starts getting around that Buffy is dead and gone.

Giles is sitting at the desk when I get back. He has the TV on, watching the news and I sigh heavily as I put the bag in the kitchen and take a seat on the couch. Hundreds of innocent people have been murdered in a week and as the reporter tells the story, I feel sick to my stomach. No matter what, not having a slayer in Sunnydale has proven to be worse than I thought.

"We gotta do something about this," I say to Giles and he nods. "So, I'm going out on patrol tonight, see if I can find out what is doing this."

"Faith, this is not what we agreed to."

"People are dying out there, Giles! I can't just sit here and wait for the Scooby gang to accept the fact that I'm here. I don't need their fucking permission to do what I've been brought here to do!"

Giles looks so frustrated, but he doesn't argue with me. He knows I'm right. The longer I go without patrolling the streets of Sunnydale at night and taking out as many vamps and demons as I can, the more innocent people are going to wind up dead. I look at the clock and there's about eight hours left of daylight.

I grab my pack of cigarettes and a bottle of Coke and head out to the courtyard. I take a seat at the only table under the shade of the building and light a cigarette. I inhale deeply, feeling the nicotine quickly course its way through my body. I can feel myself start to relax, but it doesn't stop my mind from going a million miles a second.

I should've been out on patrol the first night I got here. Things have gotten way out of hand here and all because of Giles wanting to wait for the right time to let the Scooby gang know that I'm here. Well, fuck them and fuck Giles. I've followed his plan this long and now I need to do what I'm meant to do and I don't need permission to go out and hunt and slay vamps and demons. I shake my head and lean back in the chair, stiffening when I hear footsteps cautiously approaching me from behind.

"So it's true," Dawn whispers and I turn around to face her as she stops a few feet behind me. "You're back."

"Yeah, I am."

I'm stunned by the force of the punch to the face Dawn delivers before I can even blink. Didn't think the kid had it in her to throw a punch like that. I rub my cheek where she hit me and she backs away, crossing her arms over her chest and glares at me.

"Guess I deserved that."

"You deserve a lot worse," she says angrily. "You're a murdering psychopath and you deserve to spend your life rotting away in prison."

"Things change, Kiddo."

I cautiously stand up, ready for whatever else Dawn has up her sleeve. She's rubbing the hand she punched me with and I know it's gotta hurt punching a slayer, or anyone for that matter when you're just not used to doing it.

Dawn turns and walks away in a huff and I shake my head slowly as I sit back down in the chair. I didn't know what I expected when I saw Dawn, but I guess I should've expected exactly what happened. I rub at my face again and light up another cigarette. Within minutes, Dawn is back and I stand right up, bracing myself for yet another well-deserved blow to the face.

"I should hate you," Dawn says and she quickly turns from looking furious to looking like she's on the verge of crying. "I really should hate you, Faith, but I don't. I try and I can't."

I slowly sit back down in the chair and don't take my eyes off her. Something tells me I need to listen to whatever it is she needs to tell me right now.

"I remember all the things you did to all of us," she says and she takes a deep breath as she shakes her head. "But then I remember we all make mistakes. You owned up to your mistakes, you went to prison and nobody has given you credit for it."

This kid is wise beyond her years. Kinda wonder if Buffy or any of the others ever saw that in her. I take a long drag of my cigarette, keeping my eyes on her as she moves to sit in the chair across the table from me.

"I still don't trust you. Nobody trusts you. Except maybe Giles, but we all know he hasn't been the same since that night that-that Buffy died."

"I get it, Dawn," I say softly. "I deserve whatever I got coming to me. Nobody wants me here, but what you all need to understand is that I _need_ to be here. Things are already getting bad around here and I'm the only one who can try to put a stop to it. I don't expect you to understand just why I need to be here or even accept the fact that I'm back. Things are different now. Buffy is gone and there's only one slayer left in this world and unfortunately for all of you," I sigh and crush my cigarette out on the ground with my boot, "I'm the only slayer left."

Dawn just nods her head, understanding what I'm saying-at least I think she is. I'm still on edge, alert and ready for Dawn's mood to change on a dime here. With the way this day is going, I gotta expect just about anything at this point. I get the feeling that Dawn wants to talk about Buffy. I don't know what it is, but I can just sense it.

"It's been so hard here," she says so quietly, her lip quivering as the tears start to fall. I shift uncomfortably in my seat and just listen to her. "With Buffy gone, it's so hard. I have Willow and Tara to look after me now, but I'm afraid."

"Of what?"

"Of what is happening out there every night since Buffy died," she replies and she wipes at the tears falling down her cheeks. "You want to hear something crazy, Faith?"

"I'm all ears, Kiddo."

"This is the first time we've ever actually met," she says and I burst out laughing. This kid is a laugh riot. "I'm serious, Faith. Not too long ago, I was the Key. The monks made me into who I am now and sent me to Buffy so she could protect me. They gave everyone fake memories of me from the day I was born until the day I was sent to Buffy."

I lean in my chair, just staring at her like she's done lost her mind. How is that even possible? I remember showing up in Sunnydale and-oh crap. I know she's right. I have that feeling deep in my gut and then I remember that the memories I do have of Dawn are fuzzy at best, almost like they didn't exactly belong there in the first place. I don't know why I never pieced it together until now, but I have the feeling that if I actually sat down and thought about it long enough, it would've all fallen into place.

Now I'm thinking about how if I'd made different choices when I was here in Sunnydale before, that maybe things wouldn't turned out differently. Maybe Dawn wouldn't even be here, or she would but she would've had Buffy and I there to protect her from Glory or any other demon or Hell God that was out for her blood. Maybe Buffy would still be alive. So many maybes and what ifs, all things that I'll never know 'cause there's no way to turn back the clock and take back all the bad I've done.

Dawn is upset and she's staring right at me, probably trying to determine whether I'm sane or crazy right now. I can only imagine what her memories are of me and I know there are a lot of bad ones in the mix. Gonna have to figure out a way to change things and not just with Dawn, but with everyone.

"Buffy couldn't protect me," she says after a long period of silence between us. "She tried and she couldn't protect me."

"She did, Dawn. You're here now, aren't you and the world is safe."

"But she's _dead_," Dawn snaps at me and I can tell this conversation is not gonna head in a good direction from here on out. "She died saving the world. She died when it was supposed to be me. I was supposed to be the one who died, Faith. It's my fault she's dead."

"It's not your fault," I say softly. "She made a choice and she saved you. Saved the world. From what I know, Buffy would've done anything for you. She probably wouldn't want you blaming yourself for what happened either."

Dawn frowns and she opens her mouth as if to say something, but she doesn't and she wipes away her tears again.

We just sit there for a while, not talking, barely looking at one another. I don't know what to say to her or what to talk about. With the way things started between us when she showed up, there's no telling what way things will go now.

The sun peaks over the top of the building and it's warm. I take off my jacket and drape it over the back of the chair, basking in the warm California sun and trying not to let my thoughts consume me. Just like any time I try not to think about Buffy, she creeps into my mind and I wonder again how different things would've been if I made the right choices and stuck around.

I can't help but get the feeling that she's looking for a replacement Buffy-type in her life right now. I want to tell her I'm the last person she should be trying to make friends with, yet I don't have it in me to say it to her. I can see the heavy sadness in her eyes from losing Buffy, the guilt she's harbouring since she thinks Buffy's death is her fault. There's no way I can make it better or bring Buffy back.

There's a saying I heard once, that time heals all wounds. And there's no telling how much time it's gonna take to make everything okay again here in Sunnydale.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

That night after the confrontation with the Scooby gang, I started patrolling the streets and cemeteries of Sunnydale. The vampire population had boomed in just the span of a week and I was more than determined to make the numbers dwindle fast. After that first night and then the nights that followed, slowly yet surely, the vamps started fleeing instead of sticking around to fight.

It's been three weeks since I came back and it only took a week of being in Sunnydale to get into a routine that suited the situation. I train with Giles every afternoon in the training room in the back of the Magic Box and every night I go out on patrol alone, not coming back to Giles' apartment until the sun is up. Things are still tense between me and the Scooby gang, but Giles tries to reassure me on a daily basis that I need to give them some time to accept that I'm back, that I've changed and am on the side of the good for real this time.

I called the crew down in LA and talked to Gunn yesterday. Nobody has heard from Angel since he left that day and I know I'm not the only one that's worried about him. I made Gunn promise to give me a call when and if he hears anything.

Today though instead of sleeping past noon, I woke up after having just a few hours of sleep since I strolled in just after the sun rose. Giles isn't home and I take it as a good sign he's gone back to his normal routine, just like the others have in the last week or so now. I know he'll be at the Magic Box with Anya, opening the shop up for the day. After I shower and throw on some clothes, I head down to the Magic Box. Everyone is there, even Dawn, and I'm not too surprised when they all look at me when I walk in the front door like I grew a second head overnight.

"Ah, Faith, quite an early start for you this morning, isn't it?" Giles asks as I walk over to the table they're all sitting around and pull out a plain donut from the box. "We were just in the middle of a discussion."

"Yeah? About what?" I ask with my mouth full of donut.

"Word has been getting around underground that Buffy isn't-"

"That's she's dead," Anya finished for him.

"Anya," Giles says in a warning tone that makes her shut right up. "We need to resolve this issue before anything or anyone else finds that it is indeed the truth. Now, I've discussed an option with everyone this morning about a spell, a glamour of sorts to make you appear as her while out on patrol."

"And believe me when I say none of us are happy with that option," Willow says and she casts a glare my way. "But, Giles says it's really our only option unless we want to use the Buffy-bot instead."

"Which we've all agreed is one big fat no," Xander puts in. "None of us want to use Spike's former sex-bot in place of Buffy-or a real slayer, which is you, Faith."

"This spell?" I ask as I sit down in one of the chairs and lean back. "Is it safe?"

"It's a glamour," Tara says and she nods her head slowly. "It should be safe, Faith, but none of us have ever done a glamour spell like this before so we're not quite sure how it'll work out."

"So, I'm gonna be a guinea pig then?" I ask and Xander has to stifle a laugh at that. "Do I even get a say in this? 'Cause I gotta say, I'm really not comfortable with this whole idea."

"None of us are," Willow replies coldly.

"Regardless, in order to keep Sunnydale safe and out of the hands of power hungry demons and vampires, we must resolve this before it gets any worse. This may just be the only way and it surely can't hurt to try. We've got no other choice and yes, Willow," Giles sighs as he stops her from interrupting, "I know how you feel about this. I know how you all feel about this, but we've agreed there is no other way at concealing the fact that Buffy is gone."

I look over at Tara as she opens up a thick spell-book and slides it across the table so I can have a look at it. I don't understand most of what's written on the page, but the part I do understand is that the glamour can be controlled by an object worn on the person. And then I see the small paragraph about the possibility of minimal pain during the first few transformations and I slide the book back to Tara.

"Well, we gonna test this out or what?" I ask, looking over at Giles for an answer.

"We haven't decided anything yet," Willow snaps at me. "It's only one idea."

"Out of two options," Anya points out and for once, she's right about one thing. There really aren't any other options here. "We all agreed we don't want to use Spike's sex-bot in place of Buffy, so what other choice do we have here?"

"We're talking about turning Faith into Buffy," Willow replies and she's angry. "Do you realize how _wrong_ that is after everything that happened the last time Faith was here?"

"It's only temporarily!" Anya says and she rolls her eyes. "Look, I'm all for keeping Sunnydale and the Hellmouth as safe as we can make it and if that means we gotta turn to magic and make Faith look like Buffy in order to do so, then what's the big deal? We _all_ miss Buffy, okay, but you know what? Life has to go on at some point, does it not? Xander, tell them I'm right."

"Ahn," Xander sighs as he gets up from where he's sitting and moves away from the table. "She's right though, it is only temporary. Will," he says as he looks over at her. "Let's just give it a try and see how it turns out. We're at the end of our rope here and if we don't do something soon…things are only going to get worse around here and Sunnydale will become a demon playground-more so than it already is. We've got to try."

I get up from the chair and head for the back room, leaving them to argue among themselves. Truth is, I feel too uncomfortable being in the same room as all of them still and it's something I know is gonna take quite some time to get used to-not just for me, but for all of them too.

I flip on the radio, cranking up the volume and make my way over to the heavy bag. I skip the gloves and I start to punch it, my fists hitting the worn leather, each hit making my knuckles burn. I time each hit to the beat of the music, quickly losing myself in the rhythm.

These last couple of weeks have been one helluva ride on the emotional rollercoaster I involuntarily hopped on the moment I let Gunn break me outta prison. I keep trying to keep my focus on being better, stronger, faster slayer while fighting on the side of the good. I keep trying not to run, which is always just right there under the surface, egging me on that sometimes it becomes unbearable and hard to ignore. I stay on 'cause I'm needed here. I stay on 'cause it's the right thing to do whether I feel wanted or not. I stay here 'cause I don't have any other choice.

I stop punching the bag when I feel someone else in the room with me. I push back my hair that's fallen over my face as I turn around, not surprised to see Dawn standing there by the door, looking unsure whether to come in or stay where she is or leave me alone.

"Hey," Dawn says as she makes her way over to the green leather couch by the windows.

"They still going at it out there?" I ask her and I glance down at my hands and notice the skin is broken and bleeding.

"Yeah," she nods.

"How do you feel about this whole thing?"

"I don't know," she shrugs and I join her on the couch. "It's weird, don't you think? Like why can't the baddies in Sunnydale just get over the fact that Buffy isn't here anymore and be afraid of _you_ instead?"

I laugh, wondering why I hadn't thought of that myself. "Don't know, Kiddo. Things just are the way they are. Change doesn't come easily or quickly unfortunately."

"Don't I know it," she sighs and I can see she has a lot on her mind right now, just like the rest of us do. "Spike is back in town."

"Since when?"

"Last night."

I roll my eyes and yet I should've known this was coming. Spike had taken off the night Buffy died and according to Dawn-who just so happens to be the only one willing to talk to me and fill me in on the things Giles hasn't yet, Spike was too heartbroken to stick around. I can't help but wonder what the hell it is with Buffy and vampires, and why some of them fall head over fucking heels in love with her.

But with news of Spike being back in town, I'm suddenly feeling on edge again. I've only came face to face with him once before only I was wearing Buffy's body and just the sight of him repulsed me. Dawn told me how Spike had been in love with Buffy and how he wanted to be with her and went as far as having a robot copy of her made when he realized he'd never have her the way he wanted. Hearing it had disgusted me and I wanted nothing more than to come face to face with him and stake him before he could continue interfering with the lives of those who Buffy held close to her heart.

It was while Dawn was telling me all about Spike that day, that Giles told me I couldn't dust him when and if he ever came back to Sunnydale. It's not just the fact he has a chip in his head and is all neutered now. Giles wouldn't give me more of a reason, but I know it's 'cause Spike had been there for them, fighting the good fight while they dealt with Glory. Even though I respect Giles' decision not to get rid of Spike, doesn't mean it'll stop me from using him as a punching bag if he so much rubs me the wrong way.

"He stopped by the house just after sunset last night, said he just wanted to check in and make sure I was doing okay," Dawn says quietly and I raise an eyebrow at her. "He's not as bad as he seems, Faith. He's got a heart."

"Yeah, a heart that doesn't beat," I mutter. "Dawn, next time he comes around, let me know. I got a few words I wanna say to him."

"Does it involve your fists and a stake?"

"Possibly."

"Faith, you can't."

"I know," I sigh. "Doesn't mean I can't beat him up a little bit though," I say with a short laugh and it brings a small smile to Dawn's face. "Aside from the obvious, how's the summer vacation treating you so far, Kiddo?"

She rolls her eyes at the fact I keep calling her Kiddo. It's just something that's stuck when it comes to her and once I give people nicknames, they tend to stay that way.

"Boring."

"Enjoy it while it last 'cause boring in Sunnydale is something that never last for long," I say with a short laugh and she nods in agreement.

"Faith, if I may have a word?" Giles says as he comes into the training room. "They've come to an agreement. Finally. Willow and Tara are putting together the glamour spell, but it may take several hours before the first test can be done."

"Great," I reply, feigning as much enthusiasm as I can.

"They sent to me to ask you what sort of object you'd like for them to set the glamour on. Something easy to conceal and slip on and off such as a necklace or a ring perhaps."

I don't even think twice about it and unclasp the silver cross necklace that Angel had given to me in the first few weeks I was in prison. Giles smiles a little as I hand it to him and he heads back to the front of the shop, leaving me and Dawn back there alone. It isn't much longer after that that Dawn leaves and I get back to punching the heavy bag, this time though slipping on the gloves before I do.

* * *

><p>I spent all afternoon in the training room, working out and breaking up a sweat, yet unable to shake the building anxiety I got going on inside of me. By the time Willow and Tara were finished doing the spell, I was a wreck and desperately trying not to show it when I joined them in the front of the shop and waited for Giles and Anya to finish up with the last customers of the day.<p>

I help myself to a slice of pizza outta the box sitting on top of the piles of books on the table. Xander comes in through the front door just as the last customer is about to leave. He locks the door behind the woman and pulls down the blinds. I feel nervous and my hands are sweating as everyone gathers around the table.

"So, how's this work?" I ask Willow as she hands me the necklace carefully.

"Just put it on."

"Is that it?"

"Yeah," she nods and she no longer looks as angry as she did earlier, which is a huge relief. I'm getting pretty tired of Willow's attitude towards me. "You just put it on and the glamour takes over within seconds."

"Faith, be careful with that," Tara says before I can lift the necklace to my neck. "We had to use some very powerful magic to create this glamour for you. If the necklace so much as breaks, it loses the power to keep you looking like-"

"Got it. Don't let anything happen to the necklace," I say quickly. I'm nervous and worried that something might end up going wrong. "Here's goes nothing," I mutter as I clasp the necklace around my neck and drop my hands slowly.

"Holy shit," Xander squeaks out a moment later. "Holy shit. It worked."

The colour has drained from his face, Willow looks a little surprised and Tara does too. Anya just rolls her eyes and goes over to the register to count the money the shop brought in through the day. Dawn however turns and runs to the bathroom near the back and I can faintly hear her crying as soon as the door shuts behind her. Giles grabs at his glasses, pulls out his silk handkerchief, and starts furiously scrubbing at the lenses.

"So it worked?" I ask and my hands go to my mouth when its Buffy's voice that comes out instead of my own. "Holy fuck."

I need a mirror and I head for the bathroom, not letting the fact that Dawn has locked the door stop me from going in. Dawn is standing there on the other side of the door in shock, tears rolling down her cheeks and I turn to look in the mirror, feeling all the colour drain from my face when I see Buffy's face looking right back at me.

"Dawn, wait," I say to her as she pushes past me and storms out of the small bathroom. "Shit."

I find it hard to look at the reflection staring back at me. It's seriously like coming face to face with Buffy and I can only imagine how Dawn and the others feel right now knowing the glamour spell has worked as well as it has. I slip off the necklace, watching the reflection in the mirror instantly change back into me again. I let out a sign of relief, but I don't head back out to the shop just yet.

I need a minute, or ten, to get over the initial shock on how much the glamour made me not only look like Buffy, but sound like her too. I carefully place the necklace into the front pocket of my jeans and turn on the tap in the sink I wait until the water is cold before I splash it over my face and that's when I feel the pain I remember reading in the book Tara had shown me earlier. It wasn't mad, unbearable pain, but it felt like my whole body was burning from the inside out.

This is too much. Way too fucking much and I walk out of the bathroom, fully prepared to tell Giles that I am _not_ doing this. But Giles isn't out in the shop and neither is Dawn or Willow. Xander and Anya are sitting at the table, both looking at the books that are open in front of them. Tara is the only one who looks over at me as I sit down at the table with them.

"Where's Dawn?"

"Willow and Giles took her home," Tara replies softly. "I think seeing you as-as Buffy was a bit of a shock to her."

"A _bit_ of a shock? Are you kidding me?" Xander snaps and he shakes his head. "This was not a good idea. I don't know about you guys, but I had no idea she'd _sound_ like Buffy too! This is worse than the time Faith hijacked Buffy's body."

"Standing right here, Xander, and for the record? I'm not liking this idea any more than you," I say, my voice even despite the fact I feel like I'm gonna puke. "I don't think I can do this."

"Faith, it's hard for all of us, but you heard what Giles said-"

"No, Tara, I just can't," I cut her off and I pull the necklace out of my pocket and drop it on the table in front of her. "This was a really bad idea."

I head out the front of the shop and shakily pull the cigarettes out of my back pocket. I light one and lean against the wall by the door and close my eyes, willing the nausea to go away, hoping the burning throughout my body will end just as soon as I calm down.

Tara comes outside a few minutes after I'd been out there alone and trying to avoid any and all thoughts going through my mind. She hands the necklace back to me and I take it without thinking too much about it. As bad as the reaction was and even though I know it's a bad idea, it's the only thing we got to go on here to keep Sunnydale safe and the Hellmouth protected. I just keep wishing for another way. There _has_ to be another way.

"I know what you're thinking right now," she says as she leans up against the wall next to me. "I keep thinking it too. About finding another way to deal with this situation we've found ourselves in."

"Are you using magic to read my mind now, Tara?"

"Don't have to. It's written all over your face."

"I don't know if I can do this," I say softly as I look up at the darkening sky. "The way Giles kept going on about it, made it seem like I had no other choice but to agree to this. Didn't think it'd be so fucking…real."

"I don't think anything could've prepared us for the result of the spell, Faith."

"Ya think Dawn is gonna be okay?"

"She'll be fine," Tara says with a soft smile when I turn to look at her. "Why don't you come by the house before you go on patrol tonight?"

I give her a look like she's done lost her mind. I have yet to go to the Summers' house and not once in the last three weeks that I've been here has any of them invited me there. Even when I've been out on patrol, I've tried to avoid Revello Drive all together. Although I'm slowly getting the acceptance from the Scooby gang that I'm here and not going anywhere anytime soon, being invited into the Summers' house is the last thing I expected, and from Tara out of all of them.

"You sure that's a good idea?" I ask her and she gives me a little shrug.

"If Willow gives you any crap about it, Faith, you just tell her you're there to check up on Dawn."

"And if Willow unleashes her witch-fu on me and turns me into a frog or something, what then?"

Tara full out laughs and nudges me in the shoulder. I can't fight the smile and I can't help but wonder just when she crawled out of her shell. Dawn tells me it happened a few months ago, that she got over her shy, stuttering stage pretty much out of nowhere. One thing though that I'm kinda happy about is the fact she's not the shy, stuttering type anymore. She's really proven to be a player on Team Faith. Not once since I've been back has she brought up my past mistakes and held them against me. She has no reason to since I never actually did anything to her, not like I did to the others.

"She won't turn you into a frog or anything else for that matter, Faith. You leave Willow to me and do what you have to do to make things right with Dawn."

"Maybe not tonight," I say quietly and I expect Tara to try to talk me out of it, but instead she leaves it alone and starts the walk back home by herself. I feel a sudden pang of guilt and protectiveness and I jog to catch up with her. "You're really not giving me a choice here, are you?"

"Nope."

I walked her almost all the way to the house, not quite there, but closer than I'd been in over a year. I made sure it was safe for her to walk the rest of the way and stood there on the corner until I could just barely see her make her way inside the front door. I turn and head to Giles' place, knowing I gotta get a move on and get out on patrol. I need to change my clothes and grab a few weapons, but it seems like fate had a different idea planned out for me tonight.

Spike is waiting outside the apartment complex and he walks over to me with a grin on his face I'd love for nothing more than to wipe off his face with my fist. He doesn't say anything as we stand face to face, mere inches apart. I know he senses how much I hate him and can't stand the fact that he's right there. I push past him and head up to Giles' door, letting myself in with the key he'd given me. I'm not fucking surprised when Spike follows me inside and I spin around quickly and grab him by his leather trench coat.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Spike?"

"Just came by for a little chat," he says and pushes me away, smoothing out his coat as he saunters his way towards the kitchen. He goes through the fridge, looking for something and he ends up pulling out a bottle of Bud. I shoot him a look and he grabs another, tossing it towards me without a word.

I make a mental note to ask Giles why this piece of trash has an open invite to walk into his place whenever he feels like it. Things are gonna change around here especially when it comes to Captain Peroxide.

"What the hell do you want?"

"A bit hostile tonight, aren't you? Thought you weren't an angry little psycho slayer anymore?"

I clench my teeth and stare at him as he sits down on one of the stools and cracks open his beer. He smirks before he takes a couple swigs and sets the bottle down on the counter.

"Yeah, I'm not, but around your types, I am."

Spike laughs and I can only roll my eyes and take a sip of my beer. "I saw what you did tonight at the shop," he says once his laughter fades. "Have you lost your bloody mind?"

"Wasn't my idea," I say even though I know I don't owe him an explanation.

"If the vamps and demons that come through this town can't accept that _you're the_ slayer here, well fuck them, luv. They gotta learn to deal with change, just like the rest of us."

At least Spike has a point. Like hell I'm gonna tell him he's right though. He polishes off his beer and stands up. He glares at me while he fixes his coat and stalks his way over to where I'm standing. I can smell the beer on him, the fresh blood and I cock my head to the side as I size him up and imagine all the ways I could get rid of him right here, right now. He smirks and right when I think he's got more to say to me, he turns and strolls out the door without another word.

I sigh in relief and take my beer with me out to the courtyard. I pull the necklace out of my pocket and stare at it long and hard. What's the right thing to do here, I wonder, and I know those voices I used to hear in the back of my mind have grown silent over the last handful of months so I won't find any sort of answers that I'm looking for.

Do I go out on patrol tonight as myself? Or do I go out wearing the necklace with the glamour, looking and sounding like Buffy?

Seeing her reflection in the mirror had brought back a lot of memories, most of which I wanted to forget from that whole body-swap ordeal. It stirred up a lot of feelings deep down inside of me too, most of which I'm not ready to deal with right now. I just wish I had the chance to tell her how sorry I was for all the mistakes I made and for all the wrong I ever did to her. It's too late now. Far too late.

I choke back the tears as I drink my beer and wonder what the right choice is to make for tonight. I don't even know what is right anymore. Everything has pretty much gone to shit, not just since I've been back in Sunnydale, but for a long time. Brick by brick everything is falling apart. I just wish I knew how to piece my life back together before it crumbles away completely.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Summer passed by quickly, mostly uneventful soon as I got the influx of vamps and demons under control. Some nights I went out as me and those were the nights the Scoobs joined me on patrol. Other nights, when I was alone, I went as Buffy even though I kept thinking about how wrong it was to look like her but still be _me_. Those were the nights I'd run into Spike. Sometimes there'd be an exchange of rude, hateful words between us, other times we'd just pass each other and go on our way. It didn't take me long to figure out that Spike followed me those nights, purposely stalking me. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that he missed Buffy, and with me using the glamour spell to look like her, it was the next closest thing to the real thing.

None of the Scoobs could stand to see me when I used the spell. I can't blame them for that, especially not after the first time I tried it out and their reactions to how well the spell tuned out. So I did what I did best, avoided them on those nights I was _her_. I didn't enjoy going as Buffy on patrol either and the first few nights I went out as her, Willow was the one accusing me of trying to _be_ her. Giles put her in her place and she never brought it up after that. But sometimes I wish she would 'cause when she did, it triggered something deep in my subconscious that told me she was right on some level.

Slowly but surely I became a part of the Scooby gang over the course of the summer. It took a lot to regain their trust and soon as the trust settled in, friendships were slowly formed. I wouldn't call any of us the best of friends or anything, but it's better than being nothing more than an acquaintance. I spend more time with Tara than any of them, not sure why that is either. She seemed to be the one who trusted me first-besides Giles-and I gotta thank her for pushing Willow and Xander towards learning how to trust me again and leave the past where it belongs, in the past.

I have yet to go to Buffy's grave and I'm not sure why that is. Dawn goes every Tuesday afternoon with the others and she's always asking me to come with them week after week. When I'm out patrolling in Restfield, I make a point in avoiding that part of the cemetery all together. A part of me isn't ready to face Buffy, even if it's just her headstone. It feels almost wrong to go pay my respects when I know she wanted absolutely nothing to do with me when she was alive.

It's been four months tonight since she died and I'm out on patrol alone. It's only the beginning of October, but already the cool nights have crept in, bringing with it a slight fog early in the evening that lingers along the ground and creates an eerie feel in the cemetery. It isn't long before it burns off, but by that point I'm not feeling up to patrolling tonight. It's a slow night anyway and the vamps have been running scared the last couple of days.

I shouldn't even be complaining, and yet all I want is a little bit of action tonight. Just one vamp is all I need to release the tension that's been building up inside of me the past couple of days. I haven't felt on edge like this for at least six weeks, so it's driving me a little crazy today.

I could chalk up my restlessness on the fact that Giles dropped a pretty huge bomb on all of us yesterday. He's heading back to England indefinitely. Somehow he's convinced we don't need him around here anymore and believes we can handle whatever comes our way on our own. I want to call him on it, but I haven't yet. Don't want to seem ungrateful over the fact that he's taken me in without a fuss.

I give up on patrol and slip off the necklace, carefully putting it in my pocket before I head for the cemetery entrance. I spot Willow and Tara up ahead, walking hand in hand and headed straight for me. I stay where I am and light a cigarette, waiting for them at the entrance to the cemetery. They're laughing about something and I can't help but smile a little. They're so fucking adorable together. Sometimes when I see them all happy, staring at each other like there's nobody else in this world, it makes me realize just how alone I truly am.

Yeah, enough of the depressing shit, I know, but life has always been a rollercoaster, full of its ups and downs and lately I feel like it's been on a downward spiral with very little light at the end of the tunnel I seem to be going through right now.

"Hey, Faith, we were just coming to find you," Tara says with a smile. "We're you just leaving?"

I nod and push off the wall. "Been a slow night, was thinking of hitting up the Bronze for a couple hours. You two wanna come?"

Willow and Tara both nod, smiles appearing on their faces. I smile right back and we head for the Bronze just a few blocks away. This has become kind of a regular thing lately with going to the Bronze, alone or with some or all of the Scooby gang in tow. The first couple of times they went, I know they felt guilty about having a good time while Buffy is lying dead in the ground. They did get over it and realized that life does go on.

I get a feeling something is going on tonight though. Willow and Tara are far less talkative than they normally are. I shrug it off though since all I want to do is go out and have some fun tonight, maybe even sweet-talk the bartender into giving me a couple of beers.

Since it's Monday night, the Bronze isn't packed, but it's not dead either. I'm not too surprised to see Anya and Xander sitting on the couches, talking quietly to each other-well, more like Anya yelling at Xander but I've figured pretty quickly out that's a fairly normal thing between them lately. Dawn is here too, but she's with a couple of her friends from school out on the dance floor, having the time of her life. I say a quick hello to Anya and Xander before I head over to the bar.

The usual bartender isn't here tonight, but I don't let that stop me from flirting with the new girl. She's tall and blonde and from the looks of it, she's completely covered in tattoos and piercings. I push up the twins and quickly glance down to make sure there's ample cleavage on display and I walk over to an empty space at the bar with a smile on my face.

"Hey, what's a girl gotta do to get a beer around here?" I ask her and I notice her nametag says Olivia. She looks me up and down quickly before smiling at me and leaning forward on the bar.

"You twenty-one?"

"What do you think, Liv?"

"I think," she says quietly as she leans forward a little bit more, "you look more like a Jack and Coke kind of girl."

Well, damn. I wink at her and wait as she mixes up a drink for me. Guys, girls, it doesn't matter. I can flirt to get what I want without overly doing it. What can I say, it helps I got a banging body and even though I promised myself I wouldn't go back to my old ways, once in a while doesn't hurt to score a couple of drinks. I take my drink with me over to join the others on the couches and I can't help but look back at Olivia and smile. It earns me a glare from Anya I try to shrug off.

"You're not twenty-one yet!" Willow says in a hushed whisper. "How did you get that?"

"Do you really have to ask her that?" Anya cuts in. "It's the girls," she says knowingly and I can't help but laugh at the dumbfounded look on Willows face. "Tits, Willow. Boobs, breasts, girls, twins, fun bags-they are good for other things than letting your girlfriend su-"

"Anya!" Xander says, his voice high as he puts an arm around her.

I smirk and sip my drink, settling down on the couch beside Willow and Tara. I get that same feeling I had earlier when we were walking to the Bronze and that's when I notice the looks that the four of them are sharing between each other.

Or maybe I'm just reading far too much into things.

I polish off my drink and set the empty glass down on the coffee table before I jump up and head over to the dance floor. Dawn and her friends are still out there and I half expect her to tell me off for just being in the same general area as her and her friends, but she doesn't. I'm only a little surprised when she motions for me to come and join them. I almost do, but decide against it. I just want to dance and have a good time and it's hard to get decent guys-and girls too-to dance with me if I'm hanging around a bunch of fifteen year old kids.

I move towards the center of the dance floor, losing myself to the steady beat from the band on stage. They aren't great, but they're playing music that's easy to dance to. I smirk when I feel a warm body behind me and I slowly turn around to face Olivia, the bartender.

"I'm on my break," she says just loud enough for me to hear her over the music. "Thought you could owe me a dance for the favour I gave you."

"That right?" I laugh and I loosely drape an arm around her slender shoulder. "Once dance."

"Two."

I laugh again and give in. I'm not going to turn down a dance from someone who could potentially give me drinks in the future whenever I'm here, no questions asked. Every time she tries to move a little closer, I playfully push her away, effectively trying to keep some kind of distance between us. It's not that I'm not interested in her, I am, I just don't want to go back to my old ways any time soon and this chick is definitely pushing all the right-and wrong-buttons right now. But I let the lingering thought pass my mind of what I'd do if this was a few years ago and I know that we wouldn't be out here on the dance floor for very long before I'm fucking her ten ways to Sunday in the bathroom stall.

Damn, that's a _hot_ image.

I follow Olivia to the bar when she tells me her break is over. She grabs me a beer and tells me it's on the house this time. I wink at her before I walk away and head for the couches to join the Scooby gang. I stop just out of sight when I see they are very deeply in a conversation I got a feeling they don't want me around to hear. I linger for a moment, hoping to catch a little bit of their conversation before they realize that I'm standing right there.

"Tomorrow night then?" Xander asks and I cock my head to the side and try to hear them over the driving, pounding music.

"Giles is leaving in the afternoon. It'll give us plenty of time to prepare," Willow replies and it makes me raise an eyebrow. Prepare for what? "I've already asked Spike to come and hang out with Dawn. Told him there's a Scooby meeting we need to have away from the house."

"Now that just leaves finding a way to get Faith to not go out on patrol tomorrow night. You couldn't have just asked her to hang out with Dawn instead of Spike?" Xander asks and I take a few steps back, not sure I even want to be hearing this conversation right now.

One thing is for sure, I didn't know Giles was leaving _tomorrow_. He told me about going back to England, sure, but I sure as hell didn't think he was jumping on the soonest flight outta here. All these months I thought things we're straight between us, turns out I was wrong about that. I turn around and head back to the bar, polishing off my beer and placing the bottle down as I nod my head towards Olivia.

"You never told me your name," she says in a low voice that sends shivers down my spine.

"Faith."

"I like it," she grins and she grabs another beer and places it down in front of me. "So, Faith, I get off in an hour. What do you say you stick around and have a couple of drinks with me?"

I take a second to think about it. What harm would having a couple drinks with her really be? It'd be nice to be around other people, people other than Giles and the Scooby gang. I haven't given myself the chance to meet anyone new since I've been back in Sunnydale. Besides, having a couple of drinks with Olivia would help me get my mind off the fact that Giles and the Scoobs have been keeping secrets from me. I smile at her and accept her offer, promising to stick around until she got off work in an hour.

I head back to the couches when I notice that Xander and Anya have moved off to the dance floor. Clear sign its "safe" to go over there now. I'm a little pissed about them keeping things from me, but what else can I expect? I just came back here literally a week after Buffy had died and just took over the slaying gig. Slowly earning their trust and friendship was just the icing on top of the Hellmouth cake. But still, I'm pissed they're keeping me in the dark about whatever it is they're planning to do tomorrow night. I try to get rid of the bitterness as I sit down on the couch across from Willow and Tara with a fake smile plastered on my face.

"Were you flirting with that bartender, Faith?" Willow asks, a teasing smile dancing over her lips.

"Maybe. What's it to you, Red?"

"Nothing!" Willow looks almost horrified and I laugh at her reaction. "I just-I didn't know you liked girls."

"There's lots you don't know about me," I state and I take a swig of my beer. "If you really wanna put some kind of label to it, Red, I swing both ways."

"Looks like you owe Anya twenty dollars," Tara says, giggling and I burst out laughing.

Unbelievable. They're placing bets on whether I swing both ways or not? These past couple of months must be really boring for them if it's come down to something as trivial as that. It's not like it bothers me or anything, but I can see how scared Willow looks of how I'm going to react that I can't just let this slide without teasing her about it a little bit. Or a lot.

"Placing bets on my sexuality, Red? Didn't think you had it in you," I say with a smirk and she grabs on to Tara's arm, her face growing pale.

"It was all Anya! We were just talking one night. She wasn't serious. At least I didn't think she was!"

"Oh, when it comes to Anya, anything involving money and her getting more of it is very serious," I reply and Willow looks like she's about to bail any second now and I burst out laughing. "Relax, Red. I'm not offended or anything here. I know I may not be an open book, but you wanna know something just feel free to ask."

Willow looks relieved but she also looks a bit skeptical, like she's waiting for me to turn around and tell her I was joking about not being offended by her and Anya's little bet.

I sit with them for a while and don't even bother bringing up the little bet when Anya and Xander come back to join us. As hilarious as it is, I'm not in the mood for anymore ha-ha's tonight. Even after having a couple of beers to loosen up, I still haven't forgotten what I'd overheard from them earlier. I'm so tempted to ask them what they're keeping from me, but I keep my mouth shut and figure maybe it's better if I leave it alone and let it go.

When the Scoobs call it a night, none of them look surprised that I tell them I was staying for a little while longer. While that's usually the case, it's never been 'cause I'm staying behind to have a few drinks with a hot bartender who'd been giving me free drinks all night. I tell them I'll see them in the early afternoon since that's the time I normally stroll in the Magic Box to use the training room. Anya almost says something to me, but is quickly pulled away by an annoyed Xander. I shake my head and wait until they've left the Bronze before I head over to the bar to wait for Olivia to get off work.

Of course, with my luck, she's nowhere to be seen and the usual bartender is already behind the bar and serving the line of people their drinks. I look around to see if I can spot her, but I can't see her anywhere. I finish off my beer and ask the bartender where I'd be able to find her. He just laughs and says she left ten minutes ago. I sigh heavily and decide it's time to call it a night. I'm not used to being rejected and I can't say it doesn't hurt sometimes, 'cause it does, but it just doesn't fucking surprise me anymore.

I head back to Giles' place, walking quickly to avoid any kind of confrontations with vamps and demons and anything else that decides to get in my face tonight. I've had a few beers and although having a few beers doesn't give me the same effect as it would to a normal person, I'm not entirely sober enough to fight with all that I have. I'm not stupid and I'm not putting myself in any kind of situation where the chances are I won't walk away without being completely fucked up.

I walk through the front door and slip out of my jacket, casually placing it over the back of the couch. I can hear Giles upstairs and I grab a beer out of the fridge. Giles comes down the stairs a couple minutes later and he looks tired, kind of the way he looked when he came to LA to bring me back to Sunnydale.

"Ah, Faith, I wasn't expecting you home so early. Patrol go well?"

"Slow. Called it a night after about an hour sitting around Restfield."

"We've talked about this," he sighs loudly. "Despite the way things have been going as of late, I do believe the best thing is for you to stay out there for much longer than an hour."

"What do you want, G? Vamps weren't biting the bait tonight."

"You do not use bait."

"_I'm_ the bait," I chuckle.

"Anyway," Giles says with a shake of his head. "There is something that I must talk to you about. As you know I was planning on returning to England for an undisclosed amount of time. I've been presented with the opportunity to leave tomorrow afternoon. I would've spoken with you about this earlier, but I wanted to leave without much of a fuss. I realized though this evening that I cannot leave without discussing some matters with you."

Giles takes a deep breath, looking like he's expecting me to say something to him, but I don't. With the kind of night I've been having and the fact I'm in a semi-good mood, I just want to listen to whatever it is he has to say to me right now.

"Before you arrived here, I had plans to return to England and sell the flat here," he says and I nod my head slowly. "But, things have certainly changed, haven't they?"

"Sure have, G."

"Which is why I've decided to sign the flat over to you," he says with a smile. "You'll have to get a job, unfortunately, to pay the bills here, but they won't be much considering the place is paid for."

"Let me get this straight," I say and I start pacing around the living room. "You're giving me this place instead of selling it off?"

"That is correct."

"Why?"

Giles chuckles softly and walks over to me, putting his hands on my shoulders to stop me from pacing. "Because, Faith, you deserve to have a place to call home. I know you're still going through a lot of changes and trying to stay on the path of redemption, but you deserve it. You've earned it."

"I've earned jack squat."

Even as the words left my mouth, they tasted bitter and wrong.

"Despite what you believe, Faith, you _have_ earned it."

I don't know what drove me to hug him, but the next thing I know I've got my arms around Giles and I'm hugging him like there's no tomorrow. It felt weird, sure, but there isn't any other way to show how grateful I am for all the things he's done for me the past couple of months. I feel him laugh a little and it snaps me outta it and I let him go.

"I will be returning to Sunnydale, Faith, but as of tomorrow this will be _your_ home. I expect the same kind of hospitality I've given to you when I do return for a visit."

"Of course."

Giles started laying down a few minor rules and expectations, mostly when it came to slaying. I listened, or at least tried to, but the alcohol I'd consumed at the Bronze was making things a little fuzzy as it started to wear off. I look around the living room and notice he's already packed up most of his books, his record collection and a few pieces of artwork and statues he'd had. I have to wonder what he's leaving behind, but from the looks of it, he's leaving behind the furniture, books that have no importance or value to him, stuff like that.

"I'm certain that Anya can use your help at the Magic Box. I will have a word with her in the morning about paying you a fair wage."

"G, as much as I appreciate all that you've done for me, I think I oughta find a job on my own," I reply and I laugh lightly at the thought of working for Anya. Terrifying.

"I will still speak with her about it in case you are unable to find another suitable job on your own. Did you have anything in particular in mind, Faith?"

"Not sure yet," I shrug. "I'm not really good at anything other than slaying and I don't have any experience in anything. Never had an actual job before."

Giles nods and frowns slightly; most likely thinking of the file the Council had sent him on me shortly after I first arrived in Sunnydale years ago. I know about the file 'cause he showed it to me about a month ago. Everything that ever happened in my life was written down, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I got about three pages in before I stopped reading. I know my past and there are some things in it that I've buried inside of me so deeply I've forgotten about them by choice. Kind of makes me nervous knowing that Giles knows me as well as he does and all from some file the Council had kept on me.

He's been too good to me for the last four months. I want to mention what I overheard the Scoobs talking about in the Bronze, but I don't. Giles has enough on his plate right now with packing up his life here in Sunnydale to return to England. I decide to change the subject, asking about what he plans to do once he's back at home in England. I try not to nod off while he tells me of the plans he has to reacquaint himself with old friends over a real cup of English tea.

I don't wanna say it, but I'm gonna miss him when he's gone.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

I trail behind the Scooby gang as we leave the airport after an emotional goodbye. I held it together, keeping to myself, already having said my goodbyes to Giles that morning. I thought for sure Dawn would've cried when she said her goodbyes to Giles, but she's a tough kid and held it together. It was hard seeing them saying goodbye to him, not knowing when they'd be seeing him next. In the past four months I've seen how close they all are, like family with Giles as their father-figure.

"Can we stop for burgers and milkshakes?" Dawn asks as we walk across the parking lot to Xander's car.

"What do you say, gang?" Xander asks all of us and I'm the only one who says no. "We'll see you later, Faith?"

"Later for what?"

"At the Magic Box? You were going to go and train today like you do every day, right?"

I nod my head and flash a smile his way. "I'll see you guys later," I say to the gang and I head to where Giles parked his car and I fish the keys out of my jacket pocket. I barely get the keys in the lock when Willow comes over and stops me from getting in the car. "What's up, Red?"

"I think maybe we should all take a couple of days off," she begins and I raise an eyebrow at her, waiting to elaborate on what she means. "It's been slow lately, right? Maybe tonight you oughta skip patrol and go out and do something fun. Oh, maybe you can go to the Bronze and flirt with that hot bartender you were making moon eyes with the other night?"

I laugh 'cause it's hard not to when Willow gets like this. "You thought Olivia was hot, Red? Wonder what Tara would think of your little revelation."

"It's obvious," Willow says nervously and she quickly puts on her resolve face. "Faith, Giles isn't here anymore to tell you what to do. I say take a night or two off, relax and have some fun for a change. You've done nothing but train and patrol _all_ summer."

I decide to cut her some slack. I know what she's trying to do especially after I overheard their conversation in the Bronze last night. "Fine, Red, I'll take the night off and go have some fun. A little R and R wouldn't hurt, huh?"

"Great," she smiles and she almost reaches out to hug me, but stops herself when she realizes what she's doing and pats me on the shoulder instead. "So, we'll see you later at the Magic Box then?"

I nod and get into the car, grinning as I slip the key into the ignition. Giles has only let me drive his car once before and that was right after I went down to the DMV and got my license two months ago. I give Willow a little wave goodbye before I pull out of the parking spot and head for the exit, cranking the radio as soon as I'm out on the road.

Now, I'm not the world's greatest driver, I'll admit that much, and the one and only time I drove with Giles, he was holding on for life and later joked that all slayers must be bad drivers, a reference to Buffy I'm sure. He even looked a little guilty having made a joke on her behalf, but I got him out of his funk by nearly crashing into a semi at the next intersection. Good times. Don't blame Giles for not letting me drive his car after that and believe me when I say I was shocked when he handed me the keys when we got to the airport and asked me to take care of his car for him while he was gone.

I cruise around Sunnydale for a while, the novelty of finally being able to drive wearing off pretty damn fast. I head for the Magic Box and park around in the back. I grab the swords that Wes gave me before I left LA from under the backseat. I hardly used them so far, haven't had the need, but a little bit of training with them on the dummy Xander made especially for me wouldn't hurt.

The Magic Box is still closed so I got the place to myself for a while until Anya shows up. She wouldn't shut up this morning about the fact that it was basically her shop now even though Giles is still a partner. A silent partner at that. I walk into the training room and crank the radio once I turn it on. I quickly change into my sweats and start with a few warm-ups to get my muscles loose.

I let myself get lost in the pounding music blaring from the radio, but it does nothing to stop the million or so thoughts from invading my mind. So much has changed in the last four months. Sometimes it feels like it's almost _too_ much. I keep wondering every day when Angel will come back from wherever he's gone off to. Every day I expect to get that phone call from him, telling me he's back in LA. I kinda miss him. Got used to those visits of his while I was in prison and I miss just talking to him, whether it's the heavy shit or random funny shit that both leaves us laughing so hard we're in tears.

I can't shake the feeling that every time I get someone who genuinely cares about me-or make it out that they do-they leave me hanging, leave me to face life on my own without any kind of guidance I ain't gonna deny that I need. But I'm still determined to change things, to change _me_, and if that means I gotta do it on my own from here on out, then so be it.

* * *

><p>Soon as nightfall hits, I'm walking the streets of Sunnydale alone. The Bronze turned out to be a bust, deader than ever which ain't surprising since it's Tuesday. I find myself just up the street from Willy's bar and I head there with hopes maybe a couple of vamps will rub me the wrong way and I'd have a chance to dust them. Now, I'm not normally one to "socialize" with the things I should be killing, but tonight is my night off and I just want to go somewhere where I can have a couple of drinks and forget about the outside world for a while.<p>

Tonight is also the night that whatever the Scoobs have planned is going down. I almost want to track them down and find out what they're up to, but I don't. I even had the lingering thought to head over to the Summers' house earlier and check up on Dawn while Spike is there "hanging out" with her, keeping her "safe", but I didn't. For whatever fucked up reason, the Scooby gang trusts this creep and nothing I say can change that. I just gotta wait for him to make one wrong move, one mistake, and he's dust.

"Ah, Slayer, what brings you here tonight?" Willy asks nervously when I walk in his bar and sit down on the second last stool at the end. "What can I get ya?"

"Jack and Coke," I reply smoothly. "No ice."

"No slayer business tonight?"

"Taking the night off."

"Good good," he chuckles as he makes my drink and sets the glass down in front of me.

I roll my eyes and take a sip of my drink as I look around at Willy's customers. Most are vamps just coming in for a drink or ten. They all look nervous when I make eye-contact with them and it makes me laugh. I didn't come here to cover Willy's bar with dust, unfortunately. I came here for a couple of drinks to take the edge off.

What I didn't expect to see when I came here tonight was Spike. Far as I know, he was supposed to be over at the Summers' house, keeping an eye on Dawn. I knock back my drink and stalk over to the table he's sitting at and I slam my fists down on the table to get his attention.

"Bloody hell, Slayer," he gasps as he looks up at me. "A simple hello would've been fine, you know."

"What are you doing here?"

"Having a drink, what does it look like?"

"What about Dawn?"

"What about her?" Spike asks and I really want to throw him around a little right now. "She's a big girl. Convinced me she could look after herself while the original Scooby gang has some top secret meeting that I see you haven't been invited to either."

"Shut up," I snap at him and I grab him by the collar of his coat, pulling him out of his chair before he can even blink. "Come on, we're going to the Summers' house and keep an eye on Dawn."

"I'm not some bloody glorified babysitter, Slayer."

"Neither am I, but I know if something happens to her, neither of us will be able to live with that kind of guilt."

"Bloody hell," Spike mutters under his breath and he pulls out a couple of bills from his pocket and hands them to Willy as we make our way towards the door.

Spike lights up a cigarette as soon as we're outside and offers me the lit one while he pulls out another from his metal pack. I take it and we walk in silence the few blocks to the Summers' house. The lights are on in the house and it's quiet other than the sound of Dawn's excited voice coming from the kitchen. I make my way inside without knocking first and I creep up on Dawn, scaring the crap out of her.

I laugh when she drops the phone and screams and as soon as she realizes that it's me, she throws a pretty hard punch to my arm. I wince a little since she'd got a hard punch for a kid and she picks up the phone, hangs up, and punches me again in the same spot.

"Faith! What'd you go and scare me like that for?"

"Testing your reflexes, Kiddo."

"Ugh. Whatever. I totally knew it was you."

I raise an eyebrow at that and she rolls her eyes. I can hear Spike come in the house and Dawn crosses her arms over her chest, not looking amused at all.

"I told him I don't need a babysitter," she says and I shrug and lean against the counter. "Faith, come on, I'm not a kid anymore. I don't need to be looked after like I'm a baby. I don't need any of you to protect me. It's not like I'm the Key anymore, or if I am, I don't open anything."

"You know that's not why Willow wanted Spike to come hang out with you tonight, Dawn," I say calmly and she groans loudly. "I know you're not some little kid anymore, but there's a lot of nasty shit out there that'd just love to snatch a pretty young girl like yourself for dinner."

"They should've just got you to come over. At least when you're here, it doesn't feel like your babysitting me. It feels like we're hanging out."

"Which is exactly what Spike was coming here to do earlier before you conned him into believing he didn't need to be here," I point out and Dawn throws her hands up in the air in defeat. "Look, if Buffy was still around, she wouldn't want you here on your own. You know that."

"Well she's not here anymore so it doesn't matter what she'd want."

I shrug off my jacket, not in the mood to argue with her. She's stubborn like Buffy was and the more I hang around her, the more I see Buffy in her. It's kind of scary actually. Dawn storms out of the kitchen and I can hear her and Spike talking in the living room. More like Dawn arguing the fact that neither of us need to be here right now with her. Spike is trying to convince her just to forget about the fact that we're here to babysit her and promises that he'll teach her how to play poker tonight.

I search the fridge for something to eat and pull out a box of leftover pizza. There's only a couple slices left, barely enough to sate my sudden hunger. I pull out my wallet and find a couple twenty dollar bills, leftover from the money Angel had given to me four months ago. I order us some Chinese before I join them in the living room.

"Do you know how to play?" Dawn asks as I take a seat on the couch next to her. "Spike is teaching me how to play poker."

"Sure I know how to play," I say with a smile. "Spike, you better not be teaching her how to cheat."

"I don't bloody cheat when there are no kittens involved!"

Dawn and I both roll our eyes and burst out laughing. I got a funny feeling that tonight might not turn out to be so bad after all, even if Spike is here with us and looking like he isn't planning to leave anytime soon. It isn't long before Dawn grows bored of learning how to play poker and Spike gives up trying to convince her that it can be fun once she knows how to play properly. We eat when the Chinese food I ordered finally shows up and Spike heads out for a cigarette on the back porch while I help Dawn clean up the mess we made.

"What do you think they're having a meeting about?" Dawn asks as I fill the sink up with soap and water. "How come you aren't there with them?"

"I don't know, Kiddo."

"They've been acting really strange for the past couple of days."

"Haven't noticed it," I reply with a shrug and turn off the water. "Whatever it is they're meeting about, I'm sure we'll find out about it after."

"I doubt it. All they've been doing since Buffy died is keep secrets from me."

"They're only doing it to protect you."

"Protect me from what?"

I sigh softly. "I don't know, Dawn. I'm kept in the dark as much as you are these days."

She's pissed off and she's not afraid to show it and let it be known, yet she doesn't go on about it like I expect her to and we're quiet as we wash up the dishes. She has my mind rolling in a dozen or so thoughts and theories of why I wasn't at this meeting with the rest of the Scoobs and how much else I've been left in the dark about.

Giles told me before to give the others some time to fully embrace me in their little circle of trust, as Xander put it during a meeting once. My patience is wearing thin these days and with this secret Scooby meeting, it's nearing the last straw.

When everything is cleaned up and put away, we head for the living room and I flip on the TV. Spike is sitting in the chair and using the deck of cards to play solitaire on the coffee table. Dawn is complaining that she's bored out of her mind, but I ignore her whining and so does Spike. He gets up to leave after about an hour of us sitting there doing nothing. I'm relieved he's gone and I hope he doesn't come back tonight. I've tried to stay civilized mostly for Dawn's sake.

She heads up to bed just after midnight and I head for the kitchen to reheat some of the leftover Chinese food. Everything is quiet aside from the sounds coming from the TV. I glance at the clock while my food heats up in the microwave, wondering when the hell Willow and Tara are gonna come home. Any time I've been in this house, I get this feeling in my gut like I'm not welcome here. It's a hard feeling to shake off and I'm pretty sure it's gonna take a helluva long time to wear off.

I hear the roar of a motorcycle rip through the neighbourhood and within seconds after that, I can hear windows being smashed and car alarms going off. I leave my food where it is still warming in the microwave and shut off the lights as I make my way to the front door. I open it enough to poke my head out and I see just what is out there. Demons on bikes. Hellions.

Just fucking great.

"Faith, what's going on?" Dawn asks sleepily as she makes her way down the stairs. "Faith?"

"Shut up," I hiss as I close the door and lock it. "Demons," I say under my breath and I make my way over to the weapons chest in the living room. I pull out an axe, wishing I had my swords with me, and I grab a few stakes and a knife I slide into the sheath that's built into my boot. "Dawn, go back upstairs."

"No," she says as she crosses her arms over her chest. "What are they doing out there?"

"Doing what they do best," I whisper and I raise the axe when the front door swings open. "Spike, what the hell are you doing here?"

"Did you know there's Hellions out there?" He asks, whipping around to lock the door behind him. "Barely made it here without being spotted."

"What are you waiting for?" I ask him and point to the weapons chest. "Grab your weapon of choice and let's go out there and stop them."

"Are you mad? There's a whole bloody gang of Hellions out there. A slayer and a vampire is not enough to take them out."

"We can't just stand here and do nothing, Spike," I say, growing more irritated by the second. I'm feeling anxious to get out there and kick some demon ass. "Dawn?"

She's no longer standing on the stairs and in a second she emerges from her room. "I had to change," she says like it's not a big deal. "And I don't care what you two say, I'm coming with you."

Spike is already out the front door as soon as he grabs the crossbow and the other axe. I stay in the house with Dawn, waiting for the right moment to slip out without being seen. My first priority is getting Dawn somewhere safe, but from the looks of things on Revello Drive, maybe the rest of Sunnydale won't fare much better with the Hellions in town. My second priority is finding the rest of the Scooby gang and make sure they're safe. Third priority is killing these bastards.

Any other time there'd just be one priority and that was go for the kill, not making sure my friends are safe. Things sure do change. I'm pretty sure Angel would be proud of me if he was around.

I spot Spike in the middle of the road and I almost shout out to him that he's a crazy bastard for calling attention to himself like that. But, as a lone Hellion drives down the road towards him, I know exactly what he's about to do before he even does it. He hits the Hellion right in the forehead with the crossbow before he kicks him off his motorcycle. It crashes into the curb and I pull Dawn out of the house.

"Go with Spike," I say to her quickly and I pick up an old football helmet from the ground and put it on her head. "Don't argue with me, Dawnie. Go with Spike. I'm going to go find the others."

"Faith?" Dawn calls out as she runs down to where Spike is waiting for her. "Be safe, okay?"

"I'll be five by five, Kiddo, don't worry about me."

I wait until they're out of sight before I head for the center of town. The Hellions sure have done a number destroying just about everything in sight. Shop windows are broken, cars on fire with their windshields smashed, and garbage is littering the streets. I move quickly, not wanting to be caught facing a group of those demons on my own. One or two I can handle, but anymore and the Scooby gang is gonna have to welcome a new Slayer to Sunnydale.

The Magic Box has been left untouched and I use my key to let myself in the back door. I'm quick to duck out of the way of the sword flying towards my head, no thanks to Anya.

"Jesus, trying to kill me?" I ask as I pull the sword out of her hands. "What are you doing here? Where are the others?"

"We lost them in the woods," Tara says as she comes out from behind a bookshelf.

"They were right behind us!"

"Wait," I say as I stare at both of them. They look frazzled, dirty, and tired. "What the hell were you guys doing out in the woods tonight?"

Neither says a word, but I get the feeling it has to do with their secret Scooby meeting. I shake my head and hand the sword back to Anya.

"I'm going back out there," I say as I reach for the doorknob. "Stay here and stay safe. I'll come back here and check up on you guys later."

"Faith?" Tara says shakily as she reaches out for me. "Be careful out there, please?"

"Don't you worry about me. Careful is my middle name," I say with a wink and I open the door and step outside quickly.

"Careful is her middle name? That's a stupid middle name," Anya says and I chuckle as I close the door behind me.

I stick to the back alleys, staying out of sight for as long as I can as I make my way through town. I head for Restfield cemetery, not sure why, but the pull is strong and I let it lead me there. I can hear the Hellions off in the distance, but I ignore them and continue onwards. The cemetery is dead quiet when I walk in and I relax a little bit and come to a stop by Spike's crypt. There's no sign of the motorcycle he stole from the Hellion and there's no sign that he and Dawn were ever here.

I continue on, walking slowly through the cemetery, keeping my eyes and ears peeled for any kind of movement. It's dead in here and yet the pull that brought me here is getting stronger by the minute. It takes me a couple of minutes to realize that the buzz I feel deep inside of me is familiar and it's something I haven't felt in over a year. It's a different kind of buzz than what I feel whenever there's baddies around. It's that feeling I used to get whenever I was near Buffy.

"This is ridiculous," I mutter to myself. "Buffy is _dead_."

I can't ignore the pull that keeps me going deeper into the cemetery. I feel like I'm on autopilot as I walk through the dark, quiet cemetery. I realize after a couple of minutes just which direction I'm headed in. Buffy's grave.

I've never been there, but I know exactly where it is. All I've done since I've come to Sunnydale is avoid that area of the cemetery all together, but tonight I'm being pulled there by some unseen force, as if it's telling me that that is where I need to be right now. As strange as it is, it's hard to ignore it and I don't even bother fighting it. There are always strange things happening around the Hellmouth. Before it used to drive me crazy, now I just go with it instead of fighting how it makes me feel.

I stop before I reach the path that leads down through a grove of trees where just on the other side is Buffy's grave. I'm shaking like I'm terrified of what'll be there on the other side of those trees waiting for me. I know that I'm not actually terrified, but that's what it feels like right now. I pull out my pack of cigarettes out of the front pocket of my jacket and light one with a shaky hand, the flame of the lighter nearly blowing out from the sudden gust of wind before I can get my cigarette lit.

I can hear the Hellions only faintly. They're in town cheering and I momentarily worry about the Scooby gang, about Dawn and whether Spike is protecting her and keeping her somewhere safe. I wonder if I should go off in search of Xander and Willow or if they've made it to the Magic Box and are safe as houses.

But I can't move from where I'm standing, the pull becoming stronger by the minute. I give in and walk down the path through the trees, taking each step with caution. The axe I'm carrying feels heavier with every step I take and I flick my cigarette to the ground and crush it out with the heel of my boot. As I lift my eyes, I can see someone just up ahead. It's nothing more than a shadow so I can't tell who-or what-it is.

I talk a couple steps closer, yet I'm still too far away to see who it is standing there. What I can see is that this person-this woman judging from the dress and heels and the long blonde hair-is standing right in front of Buffy's grave. A chill runs through my body as I move closer, taking each step with caution and a bit of fear of who-or what-I'll find.

I feel the blood drain from my face and my heart clench, almost stopping when the woman turns around. It's Buffy. She looks scared. She's dirty and there are tears rolling down her dirt stained cheeks. She blinks a couple of times, but doesn't say anything to me. She turns back around and looks down at her headstone on her grave. I want to say something, even just call out her name, but the words don't come out when I open my mouth to speak.

I feel like I'm in shock. I don't even know if this is real. Maybe the Hellions got me and I'm dead, or I'm knocked out cold and this is nothing but a dream. I know it's not and I know it's real. I know because my heart feels like it's trapped in a vice and the buzz I only ever felt when I was near her is stronger than ever, so strong it's making me a little dizzy.

"Buffy?" I finally find my voice and she turns around to look at me. She's frightened and I drop the axe to the ground and hold up my hands to show I won't hurt her. "Buffy?" I try again and she backs up, each step she takes a little wobbly and unsure.

And then she turns and starts running as fast as she can, looking back to see if I'm right behind her.

And I am right behind her 'cause there's no way I'm letting her just run off on her own, not now, not tonight, and not when I don't know how she's even back, how she's even _alive_.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

I run through the streets of Sunnydale, every once in a while catching sight of Buffy, but only for a second before she disappeared around another corner, or into an alley before I can even catch up to her. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up, but I can't let her out of my sight for too long.

I stop to catch my breath, the sharp pangs in my chest reminding me that even though I'm a slayer, smoking is definitely one of those habits I oughta give up soon. I glance up ahead and I see her heading to the alley that runs right behind the Magic Box. I don't run since I have a feeling that I don't need to if I want to catch up with her this time. The alley is dark and quiet and I can see her huddled by a stack of crates just outside the back door of the Magic Box.

I don't get too close to her and I notice her hands are all torn up and bleeding. When she sees me looking at them, she looks down and quickly tries to hide them behind her. She's shaking, likely terrified, and she's breathing heavily from trying to run away from me. She looks feral, ready to attack while on the verge of tears. She also looks like she's ready to run again. No way in hell I'm chasing her around Sunnydale.

"Buffy, stop," I say gently as I reach out for her before she can run past me. "It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm here to help you."

She shakes her head no, like she doesn't believe it and I can't blame her for thinking that especially when she's face to face with me, her former one-time enemy who did nothing but hurt her, her family, and her friends.

"I'm not going to hurt you," I say again as I hold on to her and stare right into her eyes. "Let me help you."

"Faith?"

I fight the urge to smile. I didn't realize how good it'd feel to hear her voice again. Her face twists into pure rage and I let go of her before she starts to fight me again. She doesn't run this time, but she takes a few steps back from me. I don't know what to do or how to deal with her right now. I do know that I don't want her to run off by herself. She's disoriented and hurt and I have no idea if she's _her_ or if she's come back as something else. I take a few deep breaths and just stare at her and she does the same. The tears have stopped and she looks down at her hands and winces in pain.

I take a step forward and she flinches so I stop where I am. I don't want her to run off again. "Buffy?" I try again, hoping to get through to her this time. "Let me help you."

"Is this hell?" Her voice is hoarse and quiet. "Is this hell, Faith?"

"Nah, just Sunnydale, B."

She shakes her head as if she doesn't believe me and takes another step backwards. She's shaking like a leaf now and I don't know if it's 'cause she's cold or scared or traumatized. Possibly all three. She tenses when the sounds of footsteps echo through the alley and she backs right up to the wall and crouches down by the crates as if she's trying to hide herself from whatever is coming towards us.

I'm suddenly wishing I didn't drop my axe back in the cemetery. Two Hellions are headed straight for us, a third not much further behind. They're armed with chains, pipes, and bats and all I've got in the knife stashed in my boot. I want this fight to be over quickly and I glance over at Buffy as she slowly stands up, her face hard as she sees the Hellions circle around us.

I reach down, pull the knife out of my boot, and twirl it in my hands as the three Hellions stop just a few feet in front of us. I'm not in the mood for any exchange of words and I make the first move, swiping the knife at the ugliest Hellion of the three. It cuts him deep enough that he backs up, roaring in pain as his gnarly hands reach up to his face.

"You'll pay for that," he growls and motions for the other two to attack.

I leap over them, planning to lead them away from Buffy, but it doesn't quite work. The leader goes for her as the other two try to grab a hold of me. I kick the one on my left in the knee, sending him down and I grab the other by the arm and twist it around, using my knife to slice open his neck. I push myself off the demon as he falls to the ground, bleeding to death and I grab the other that's still down and struggling to get up on what I know is a broken leg.

I blink and the next thing I know the Hellion leader is being thrown clear across the alley and I look at Buffy and she's breathing hard, her hands shaking at her sides. I can't stop myself from grinning at her before I yank the Hellion up from his knees and waste no time in pulling the pipe out of his hand and jamming it through his chest. I kick him down and pull the chains off the first one I killed and I move towards the leader. He's struggling to get up from the ground quickly and just when I think I got him, he kicks me hard in the chest and sends me stumbling backwards.

I try to catch my breath but the damn demon knocked the wind outta me. The pain is intense, but I know it'll be gone in a couple of seconds. That just gives him a couple of seconds to attack me again. I grunt in pain as I back away from him. Buffy walks past me, grabbing the chains out of my hands and she flings herself at him, throwing a few hard punches to his ugly face. He reaches out blindly for me while trying to fight her off and I get caught on the wrong end of his fist.

I taste blood and I spit it out. I get my second wind and I move to help Buffy take the leader out. He's a strong fucker, but with the two of us I _know_ we're gonna walk away and he's just gonna be another dead demon when we're done with him.

I leap onto his back and we get the chain around his meaty neck and pull as hard as we can. I can feel the life being squeezed outta him and I leap off his back as Buffy pushes off his front. His lifeless body slumps to the ground and I take my knife, stabbing him in the heart just to make sure he stays dead.

"Thanks, B, couldn't have done it without you," I say with a smile, but I instantly regret opening my mouth 'cause she's off and running down the alley. "Fuck, not again," I groan and I wipe the blood off my knife on the back of the dead Hellion's shirt and slide it back into my boot.

I'm so fucking exhausted that I don't know if I got it in me to give into the chase again. Either way, she proved that she can take care of herself and that coming back from the dead hasn't set her back too much in the way of fighting demons. I just want to know _how_ she's back and alive, obviously still kicking despite looking like a wild animal that's just been let out of its cage. I breathe out heavily and lean up against the wall, feeling the strain of the chase and the fight with the Hellion's taking a toll on my body. The bastard who punched me in the face made my bottom lip split open and I can feel the inside of my cheek is cut too. I spit out a mouthful of blood and close my eyes as I struggle to find just a sliver of energy left somewhere inside of me.

I start down the alley in the direction Buffy took off in, but my feet feel heavy and my body is screaming at me to stop just for a couple minutes longer. Wherever Buffy is headed, I know one way or another I'll catch up to her. I whip my head around when I hear a door open a little ways down the alley. I silently pray to the Powers that Be that it's not any more of those fucking demons. I don't know if I can fight another one or three just yet. Then I hear voices and I relax when I recognize Anya's voice.

"Faith! We thought we heard something out here," Xander says as they walk up to me and I look back at the direction Buffy took off in and she's outta sight and long gone. "What are you doing here?"

"Taking out the Hellions, what else does it look like?" I snap and I spit the blood that's been pooling in my mouth out and groan softly. That demon sure packed a hard punch if I'm still feeling it now. "Good to see you and Red made it back safely," I say after a minute and Xander looks back at the others, looking a bit nervous.

"Yeah we uh, we went for a picnic out in the woods when those demons attacked us and we-"

"Stop. Just _stop_. I know you're lying to me," I say, stopping him from spurting out more bullshit. "Why don't you tell me what the hell you guys were really doing out there, huh?"

"Faith, we-"

I look over at Willow and she shuts right up. "Don't you dare fucking lie to me," I say through gritted teeth and suddenly it hits me. They have something to do with Buffy being back from the dead. There's no other logical reason. I might not be the brightest of the bunch, but I can put the pieces of the puzzle together pretty damn quickly. "Someone gonna tell me what you were up to tonight or do I gotta start playing twenty-fucking-questions here?"

Nobody seems to want to step forward and I shake my head at what fucking cowards they're being right now.

"Tell you what, when one of you guys grows a pair, come find me and tell me what the hell you were up to tonight. I'm outta here," I say angrily and I head for the street, wondering which way Buffy headed after she left me back there in the alley.

I try to concentrate on the pull that led me to Buffy in the first place. It's faint, but I can feel it. I round a corner and I spot her up ahead, walking past the fence towards the structure the crazy people built for Glory. I take a deep breath and start running towards her, having a sinking feeling she's going to do something completely stupid like go and get herself killed again.

I catch up to her before she reaches the shifty looking tower and I grab her by her shoulders and force her to turn around and look at me. She's got that look in her eyes, the same look she had when she asked me if she was in hell. I almost literally can feel my heart fucking breaking for her right now. I gotta keep it together and stay strong. Not just for me, but for her. I pull her away from the stairs that lead up the tower and she nearly collapses in my arms. I do what my instinct tells me, to catch her before she falls and I just hold her as we both sink to our knees.

I don't say a word to her, I just kneel there and hold her as the tears come pouring out. Whatever she's going through right now, she doesn't need to be hounded with a million questions I'm sure she can't even answer. She smells like a newbie vamp almost, with the fresh dirt that is caked in her hair and on her dress and her skin. I try to forget that fresh out of the coffin smell that's filling my senses and focus on the faintest scent of what makes her _Buffy_. It's something I'd never forget, that mixture of vanilla, peaches, and something else I can't just put my finger on.

"Faith?" Buffy whispers against my shoulder, but she doesn't pull away. "Why is this happening?"

"What's that, B?"

"This is hell."

I shake my head and push her back just enough so I can look into her eyes. "It's not hell, Buffy."

"Why does it feel like it is?"

I shrug as she blinks and leans back, her arms dropping from around me in a flash. She stands up and I'm right behind her as she heads for the street, still looking disoriented and lost. I seriously need to get her off the streets and somewhere safe. I can't take her back to her house. There'd be far too many fucking questions from Dawn if she's gone back home and I just can't deal with her or the Scooby gang right now.

I take Buffy by the hand and I close my eyes for a second to get used to the feeling of her energy and touching her. It's stronger than ever and I don't know why, don't even know if I wanna know why just yet. I lead the way towards the apartment and I'm a bit surprised she doesn't question where I'm taking her. It almost feels like she trusts me and it's a feeling I can safely say I've never felt coming from her before. I could be mistaken, sure, but I'm gonna take what I can get right now before she comes to her senses and starts beating the hell out of me.

Everything about tonight feels like it's been pulled straight out of one helluva fucked up nightmare and I know the night is far from over at this point. I make it back to the apartment and Buffy just stands at the front door while I walk in and pull my jacket off. I turn to look at her as I drape my jacket over the back of the chair at the desk. She's staring at me intensely, but it doesn't last. Her attention shifts to where I've taken her and she looks confused as she walks over to the nearly empty bookshelves and picks up a framed picture Giles accidentally left behind. It's one of her, Willow, Xander, and Giles, all sitting around in Sunnydale High's library and smiling. Happier times I guess.

Buffy doesn't say a word as she places the picture back down. She doesn't turn around either, but I can hear her crying softly. I don't know what to do, what to say. I'm not prepared for dealing with her-or anyone else for that matter-while she's going through something I have zero experience with. I know there's probably a lot going on in that head of hers, probably thoughts she can't even make any sense of. I know she's feeling so many things too, it's written all over her in the most subtle little ways.

"B?" I whisper after what feels like an eternity of silence between us. "Why don't you go have a shower, get cleaned up and I'll find you a change of clothes?"

Nothing. Not a word. Not even a flinch or any kind of acknowledgement that she's heard me.

I grab my bag and start going through it, looking for something that'll fit Buffy. I pull out a pair of grey sweatpants and a plain black tank. It's not her style, but it's clean and comfortable at least. I walk up behind her and I breathe in deeply as she finally turns around to look at me.

She looks at me questionably and she takes the clothes in my hands. She stares down at them for a second before she steps past me and heads for the bathroom. I wait until I hear the lock click on the bathroom door before I head into the kitchen and grab myself a cold beer outta the fridge. I'm shaking 'cause I don't know what I'm gonna do with Buffy right now. I don't know how to tell her-to convince her that this isn't hell, especially not after what she's seen since I found her.

I find a first aid kit in the desk and I place it on the coffee table before I head over to the window and open it. My hands are still shaking as I light a cigarette and listen to the sounds of the water running in the bathroom. When the water stops, I put out the cigarette and just stand there, sipping my beer and wait for Buffy to come out of the bathroom. When she finally does, she's wearing the clothes I'd given her and she has a towel in her hand, drying her hair as she walks out to the living room.

"Where's Giles?" She asks, her voice soft and quiet. "Does he know you're here?"

"He's in England. Just left this afternoon actually and yes, B, he knows I'm here."

"Oh."

I pick up the first aid kit and walk over to her. "Can I fix those up for ya?" I ask and point down to her hands. She looks down at them as she drops the towel, her hands shaking as her eyes fill up with tears. "I'll be gentle," I add, smiling a little at her as I try to put her at ease.

"Okay," she says after a moment and sits down on the couch. I move a few things off the coffee table and sit down in front of her as I pull out some gauze and the mercurochrome.

I carefully clean the wounds on her hands, noticing they're already starting to heal which is another sure sign she's still very much the slayer she always was before. I can feel her eyes on me, staring me down, probably wondering when I'm gonna turn on her and try to kill her. That trust I felt from her earlier was almost gone now and I can't blame her. I think she's starting to be more aware of what's going on around her and something tells me things are gonna go from bad to worse in a matter of minutes.

She barely flinches though as I finish cleaning her hands and I carefully wrap the gauze around her knuckles. I clean up the mess I've made and stand up slowly, glancing down at her as she leans back on the couch and closes her eyes. I put the first aid kit back in the desk where I found it and I grab a cold beer out of the fridge before I walk back out to the living room and take a seat in the arm chair furthest away from where she's sitting.

"Why are you doing this?"

"What's that, B?"

"Why are you being _nice_ to me?"

I don't know how to answer her, so I don't. I try not to stare at her for too long and I take a few sips of my beer before I place it down on the coffee table in front of me. I start to fidget with the hem of my shirt, my eyes betraying me as I glance over at her and let my gaze linger for a few long seconds.

I feel exhausted and after the way tonight has been going, I get that feeling that I'm not gonna be getting much-if any-sleep tonight. I try not to yawn and I sigh in frustration as I lean back in the chair and prop my feet up on the edge of the coffee table. Buffy is staring at me now and it's making me feel a little self-conscious. I don't know what she'll do once she snaps out of the stupor she seems to be stuck in. The knife is still in my boot, but I quickly shake those thoughts away since I know there's no way I'd pull it out and use it on her even if it comes down to defending myself.

"Do ya need anything?" I ask her, hoping to break the awkward silence for a few minutes at least. "Water or something? Maybe some food?"

"No," she says with a shake of her head. "You never answered my question, Faith. Why are you being so nice to me?"

"In case you haven't noticed, B, you're back." She just stares at me and raises an eyebrow like she doesn't know what I'm talking about. "You're back from the _dead_."

"That doesn't answer my question."

I sigh heavily, not sure how to answer her. I'm never sure when it comes to her. At least I know _something_ hasn't changed. I take another sip of my beer and I just stare at her, trying to figure her out.

"Faith? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong with me."

"Then why won't you answer my question?"

"Can't I just be nice to you for once?" I ask and she crosses her arms over her chest. "Things have changed, B, in case you haven't noticed that yet. But if you keep talking to me like that, the whole me being nice thing? Consider that over."

Buffy opens her mouth as if she's going to say something back to me, but she quickly closes her mouth again and looks down at her hands in her lap. When she looks back up at me, we make eye-contact and I almost want to look away but I don't. I sit there and drink my beer, finding it increasingly hard as the seconds tick past to take my eyes off her. I don't remember the last time she ever looked right back at me for more than a second or two. We always had a hard time keeping eye-contact and I never thought of why that could be until now. Was it because she hated me? Was it because of all the things I've done to her and her friends? Or was there a hundred other reasons why?

I have a funny feeling I may never find the answers I'm looking for.

She looks away first, glancing back down at her hands in her lap. She opens her mouth to say something, but all that comes out is a soft, choked crying sound. I feel a knot form in the pit of my stomach and I don't know why. I guess maybe I'm feeling sorry for her, sorry that she has to go through all of this with me and not one of her friends or her sister like she should be.

"I'm kind of tired," she says as she lifts her eyes to look back over at me.

"Uh, pretty sure Giles changed the sheets this morning so if ya wanna head up there, you can take the bed tonight. Unless ya want me to take you home?"

"I'm not ready to go home yet, Faith."

"Okay."

I leave it at that and watch her as she makes her way up the stairs to Giles' room-well, I guess it's _my_ room now technically. I down the rest of my beer and head for the kitchen to get another. I know the worst thing I could do tonight of all nights is get a few drinks in me, but I'm beyond the point of giving a fuck about that right now.

I take my beer with me out to the courtyard and I sit there, listening to the quietness of the night. A sense of relief comes over me when I realize that the Hellion Gang has definitely fled town. One less problem to worry about now.

I wonder if I should call Willow, force her to explain everything to me once I tell her that Buffy is here, alive and sleeping in Giles' bed, clearly traumatized from wherever she'd been while she was dead. I wonder if I should avoid involving Willow completely and call the number Giles left for me to get in touch with him and tell him what I know-which isn't much and I know he probably wouldn't believe me when I tell him Buffy's back from the dead. And then I wonder if I should just let her stay here tonight and worry about what'll happen tomorrow once tomorrow comes.

And then I wonder how this is gonna change things.

Oh, who am I kidding? It's gonna change _everything_.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

I sat out there in the courtyard for the rest of the night and didn't even head back inside until the birds started chirping and the sun started to rise over the horizon. I head back inside, expecting Buffy to have left sometime in the last couple of hours, but I'm surprised to find her sitting at the counter eating a banana and staring blankly at the newspaper from yesterday morning.

She doesn't even acknowledge me as I head for the fridge and pull out the carton of orange juice and I pour myself a glass. I desperately need some coffee and I search the cupboards for the new can I _know_ is in there somewhere. As soon as I find it, I make up a pot and turn the coffee maker on. It isn't until it starts to brew that I turn around to look over at Buffy and find her staring right at me.

"You hungry for something more than a banana, B?" I ask her as I turn around and pull a carton of eggs and a package of bacon out of the fridge. "G loved it when I'd whip up bacon and eggs."

"You can cook?"

"Of course I can," I laugh. "So, what do ya say? Let me make you some breakfast then we'll talk?"

"Talk?"

"If you're up to it, I mean," I say quickly and she nods her head a little as I pull out the frying pan and place it on the stove. "I could call Willow or Dawn, tell them you're back-"

"No," she says as she slams her hands on the counter as she stands up. "I-I'm not ready for that."

I don't wanna push her into doing something she doesn't wanna do, but I also don't want her hanging around here for too long. She needs to be back at home with Dawn, Willow, and Tara, not here with me.

I run a hand through my hair and shake my head. I know there's one thing I really need to do and that's to call Giles and tell him what's going on-at least tell him what I know is going on. I still don't know _how_ she's back, but I do get the feeling the Scoobs are behind this. I need to confront them before I talk to Giles though. I need _answers_ and I'm pretty sure Buffy can't give them to me. She probably doesn't even know how she's back here either and I'm guessing she's probably wondering if this is some kind of punishment being brought back to life.

I don't wanna push her into talking. If there's anything I've learned since being back in Sunnydale, it's letting the other party do the talking first. Especially when it comes to the Scooby gang and it's paid off, I'm a part of them now-or at least that's what Giles tried to tell me yesterday morning when we had a nice long chat while he finished packing his things.

I can't help but tense up when Buffy moves to stand next to me as I put the bacon in the pan, the sizzling sound sounding almost deafening in the silence of the apartment. I steal a glance at her out of the corner of my eye and I catch her staring intensely at me. Not gonna lie, it kinda freaks me out with the way she's been acting since I found her last night. She's still very much Buffy, but there's something totally off about her and I think it's the fact that she is still hanging around here and not kicking my ass to hell and back.

We don't talk while I make us breakfast. Buffy is still right next to me, watching as I cook. I wonder if she's watching so closely 'cause she's afraid I'll try to poison her or something. You never know when it comes to Buffy. She probably still thinks I'm still the same old Faith she used to know and I don't even know where to start to show her that I'm not that Faith anymore.

"It smells good," Buffy whispers as she peers over my shoulder as I put the bacon on a plate and reach for the eggs. "The bacon, I mean, it smells good."

I laugh at that. It's hard not to. "Bet it tastes better than it smells," I reply and I laugh again when her eyes go wide. "Relax, B. why don't you grab the bread and pop a few slices in the toaster?"

"Okay."

"How do you like your eggs, B? Sunny side up, scrambled or over easy?"

"Uh," she stammers as she drops the bread as soon as she picks it up. "It doesn't matter to me."

I shrug and crack a few eggs into the pan. I'm really trying to make things not feel so damn awkward between us, but then again it's always been like that. Just being around her, being so close to her, it's putting me on edge and I can't shake the tension that's creeping all throughout my body. Sleep or no sleep, I know I definitely need to head down to the Magic Box soon and have a little quality time with the heavy bag to shed the tension I'm feeling right now.

Once the eggs are done, I make both of us up a plate and we sit at the counter and eat. Well, I'm eating and Buffy is just pushing her food around on her plate and muttering how she can't even make toast without burning it. I don't say anything about the toast being burnt. I've eaten worse.

After I eat, I head for the bathroom to grab a shower, leaving Buffy alone. I turn the water as hot as I can stand and I strip out of my clothes as the steam fills the bathroom. I close my eyes as I step into the tub and pull the curtain closed. The water feels like tiny razors piercing my skin, but it feels hella good. I start to feel the fatigue from the lack of sleep and I turn the water colder, hoping it'll wake my body up a little bit.

I spend almost half an hour in the shower before the water runs cold. I find Buffy sitting in the same spot I'd left her in and I let out a sigh of relief to see that she's eaten most of what was on her plate. She thanks me for cooking breakfast and I flash an easy smile at her before I fill the sink with warm, soapy water. I steal a few glances over at her out of the corner of my eye and I'm a bit surprised when she grabs the dish towel and stands next to me. We don't talk as I wash and rinse the dishes and she dries them and puts them away. I dry off my hands once I pull the plug in the sink and I grab my pack of cigarettes off the desk.

Buffy gives me a look very similar to the one the Giles normally gives me when I get a craving for a cigarette. I just shrug it off and walk over to the window, turning the TV on as I walk past. Buffy walks out of the kitchen a minute later with two mugs of coffee. She hands one to me before she sits down on the couch and starts flipping through the few channels on the TV.

"How long?" Buffy asks me and I turn to look at her, confused at what she's asking me. "How long was I gone for, Faith?"

"Four months."

"Oh."

"How long was it for you where you were?" I ask her and she sighs heavily and stares down at the mug of coffee she's holding with both hands.

"Longer."

I get the feeling she doesn't wanna talk about where she was, so I don't bother asking her. I know if I spent the last four months trapped in a hell dimension, I wouldn't come back exactly raving about it or be willing to talk about what it was like.

I try to busy myself, grabbing most of my clothes that aren't in my bag and lug it up the stairs to the bedroom. I can hear Buffy downstairs as she flips through the channels on the TV. I try to take my mind off the fact that she's just downstairs, acting like this is _normal_ for her to be here with me. I dump my clothes out on the unmade bed and fold most of them and since I don't have a whole lot, it doesn't take me very long to put everything away. I make the bed before I head back downstairs and I grab my empty coffee mug and head to the kitchen to get another cup of coffee.

"I gotta head out soon," I say to Buffy from the kitchen and I peer over at her as she nods her head. "Are you gonna uh, stay here or you wanna come with?"

"Where are you going?"

"Magic Box."

"Can I stay here?"

"If you want to," I reply with a shrug. "But your friends need to know that you're…back," I say pointedly and I join her on the couch. "You can't hide away here forever, B."

"I know."

"I'm gonna talk to Willow today," I say softly and her eyes go wide at that. "I need to find out if she knows how you're back, B."

"Okay."

"Uh, just so you know," I stammer slightly and I run a hand through my still damp hair. "I'm pretty sure Willow and the gang are gonna be coming over here after I talk to them 'cause they probably won't believe me when I tell them that you're back and very much alive."

"Am I?"

I nod my head and laugh. "Yeah, you are, unless you're just a wicked real figment of my imagination here, B."

That draws a small laugh out of her too and I can't seem to wipe the stupid smile off my face. What the hell is wrong with me? Buffy's laughter is short lived of course, but at this point, I'll take whatever I can get out of her as long as it doesn't end with her fist in my face. Not gonna lie, I keep waiting for her to snap out of it and realize that it's _me_ she's with right now and come to her senses. Why she hasn't yet, I have no idea, but I keep wondering if maybe she really thinks that this is hell and being stuck here with me is just one of the many perks that this hell has to offer her.

* * *

><p>Nobody is at the Magic Box when I get there. I let myself in the back door and crank up the radio as I head to the front of the shop. The barred gates are still locked over the windows and the 'closed' sign is still up. It's after ten and I'm left wondering why the hell Anya hasn't shown up for work yet. She's normally here hours before she opens. I shrug it off and pick up the mail off the floor in front of the front door. I place it on the counter by the register and head back to the back room. I tape up my hands and head for the heavy bag, more than ready to get out some of the frustration building up inside of me.<p>

Punch, punch, kick, repeat. I'm lost in the beat of the music, timing my punches and kicks to the heavy bass of the song. Sweat rolls down my back, down my forehead and I blink away the tears I feel building up. Just faintly over the music I can hear the phone ringing out in the front of the shop. I want to answer it since I have a feeling its Giles, but I'm under strict warning not to use the phone and I've already dealt with the wrath of Anya once before.

The phone doesn't stop and I know by the time it rings a dozen times that it's not just a customer. Wrath of Anya or not, I jog to the front of the shop and pick up the phone.

"Magic Box," I say in a calm and professional voice, just in case it was either a customer or Anya calling. "How may I help you?"

"_Faith?"_

Giles. Knew it.

"Hey, G. How's jolly old England treating you?"

Our conversation is short lived, but he tells me he just wanted to check up on all of us and let us know that he arrived in England, safe and sound. I want to tell him that Buffy is alive again, but I don't quite know how to bring it up. Instead, I tell him what happened last night with the gang of Hellions that showed up and started destroying the town. Once he starts complaining that the phone call is going to cost him a "bloody fortune", I say goodbye and he tells me he'll be calling again in a couple of days.

I head back to the training room and crank up the music again. It's not long before I'm lost in the music again, timing each punch, each jab, each kick to the beat. The rest of the world seems to fall away and I'm fine with that. I need to be alone. I need to get out my frustrations the only way I know how to that doesn't involve drinking myself to the point where I pass out cold somewhere.

Tempting, but that's just not who I am anymore.

I know I'm not alone anymore when I feel the hair on the back of my neck prickle as someone comes in the door. I know who it is before I even turn around and I grab the heavy bag to stop it from sway, sighing heavily as I shake my head. I turn around and turn off the music and notice right away how badly beaten Spike is. I'm gonna take a wild guess and figure he got in on a good beating from some of the Hellions before they fled town. Spike limps his way to the far corner by the back door, avoiding the morning sunlight that's pouring in through the windows.

"Spike, what are you doing here?"

"Couldn't stay in my crypt. Got too much going on inside of here," he replies and he taps the side of his head before wincing slightly. He's definitely in a lot of pain, but I don't feel sorry for him. "Thought I'd take a little walk. Didn't get too far."

"Leg looks broken."

"Probably 'cause it is, Slayer."

I roll my eyes, walk over to the green leather couch, and sit down. Spike stays by the door, the only corner with enough shadows to keep him relatively safe from bursting into flames. For the first time since I've known him, he looks broken inside and that says a lot since normally when I look at him, I see nothing. Soulless vampire and all.

He lights up a cigarette and I roll my eyes. "And you don't need to tell me that Anya will kill me for smoking inside her shop. I'd welcome that right about now with what I saw last night and what I feel now."

"And I care because?"

"Now now, no need for that," he says with a shake of his head. "I came to talk to you about Buffy."

"What about her?"

"You're the one who found her alive, aren't you?"

"How do you know that? Are you already back to stalking her, Spike?" I ask, clearly disgusted with him. "None of us even want you around and if you weren't neutered, I'd have gotten rid of you by now."

"What else is stopping you?"

"Only the fact that I was asked not to get all stab happy with you. Not yet anyway. You can't physically hurt any of us."

"Since when are you one to play by the rules?"

"Since I got a second chance."

Spike smirked at me and I wanted nothing more than to wipe that grin off his face. Permanently. I clench my fists at my sides and try to control my anger and the slayer inside of me that wants to dust him. I turn back to the heavy bag and stare blankly at it. Spike is sitting two feet away from me, still smirking, still smoking, still being a pain in my ass just by existing.

"Leave," I say angrily. "Now. Before I bust your other leg and toss you out the back door."

"Why so hostile, Slayer?"

"You're a pain in the ass, Spike. The only reason you're allowed around here is 'cause the others _believe_ you're helping out, when in reality all you ever do is get in the god damn way. And I have a name."

"In case you've forgotten, _Faith_, I came here to talk to you about Buffy."

The way he says my name makes my insides crawl in disgust. All I want for him is to make one wrong move, say one wrong thing and it won't be that hard to explain how I had to put the neutered vampire down.

"Is she all right? Traumatized, I bet. Being in hell will do that."

"She's…fine," I reply carefully, not sure how much I should be telling him, if anything. I don't even know how he knows she's back. Now I'm starting to wonder if he's gonna run his mouth to the others about it. "Was pretty freaked out when I found her, but like expected, she's probably just traumatized after being pulled out of hell and brought back to life and all."

Spike licks over his bottom lip slowly and stares me down. I return the look, cold and hard. He moves to get up from the couch, barely able to stand on his left leg. I don't feel an ounce of pity for him. I don't take my eyes off him as he makes his way to the door leading into the front of the shop.

"I'll come back around," he says to me and flicked the cigarette to the floor and crushed it out with the toe of his boot. "Check up on Buffy, make sure she's all right with my own eyes. I know you have it out for me. It's a game of cat and mouse between us."

"Nah, Spike, it's a game of slayer vs. vampire. We'll see who comes out on top in the end."

"Not going to happen, pet," he replies with a smirk. "Although you on top of me isn't such a bad image if you ask me."

"Fuck you."

I grab the bottle of water near my feet and throw it at him. He easily ducks out of the way and leaves, chuckling under his breath and making me even angrier than I was a moment ago.

I check the trap door in the basement a good half an hour after he's gone, just to check and make sure he really did leave. I move a couple heavy storage crates on top to prevent any more little surprise drop-ins by him during his most flammable times of the day. I hate that I'm the only one who wants him dead-well deader than he already is. I don't understand why the others just won't let me do it and I definitely can't understand how Buffy went all that time with him around and never once tried to stake him.

It definitely makes me wonder if somehow Buffy _cared_ about this soulless, neutered vampire. It wouldn't surprise me though. She loved Angel even though Spike and Angel seem like they are from two very different worlds most of the time.

I get back to beating the heavy bag, only this time I leave the music off. I need to hear each thump my fists make, I need to hear my heart racing so hard it makes my ears ring, and I need to let the million thoughts inside my head consume me instead of trying to hide from them like I normally do. I don't know how I ended up crying, I didn't even feel the tears until I blinked and felt them burn my eyes as they fell. I'm such a fucking emotional mess now and I can't help but blame the fact that Buffy is back and it's toying with my emotions. Just as it did when she was alive before.

* * *

><p>I'm sitting at the table eating the last jelly donut out of the box Xander brought when he showed up about half an hour ago. Dawn is trying to help Anya unpack a box of candles and they're both arguing how to set them up on the display case. I'm just waiting for Willow and Tara to show up and I know they will soon. They do nearly every single day before their classes.<p>

"Did you eat the last jelly, Faith?" Xander asks as he grabs the box and slides it across the table towards him. I pop the last piece of the donut in my mouth and smile at him. "Oh come on!"

"You never do learn, do you? Always get more than five jellies or someone else will eat them before you get your second."

"You're just as bad as Giles," he mutters and grabs a glazed donut out of the box. "Hey, Dawnie?" Xander calls over to her as he digs out a twenty dollar bill from his pocket. "What do you say you make a donut run before you head to school?"

"Pass," she laughs but she grabs the twenty from him anyway. "I do need lunch money though, so thanks, Xander!"

I laugh as Dawn grabs her backpack and runs out of the shop, leaving Xander sitting there with a perplexed look on his face. I reach over and playfully punch him in the shoulder to snap him out of his stupor.

Willow and Tara show up a few minutes later and whatever conversation they'd been having on the walk over here halted as soon as they walked in the shop. Willow looks no better than she did last night and she looks like she's going on next to no sleep. Tara doesn't look like she's holding up any better either. They join Xander and me at the table, both complaining that there aren't any more jelly donuts left. There's a few pointed looks between the three of them and I lean back in the chair and prop my feet up on the chair next to me.

"So, does anyone wanna tell me what happened last night?" I ask them and Xander shakes his head no as he and Tara both look at Willow. "Red? Thought we weren't gonna be keeping secrets from each other anymore? Wasn't that the deal?"

"I-I know and I'm sorry," she stammers and she takes a sip from the coffee she'd brought in with her. "I don't know where to start, Faith."

"The beginning would be a good place as any. Or how about the end where I find Buffy standing at her own grave in the middle of the night last night?"

So, it's not exactly how I planned on getting that one out, but I'm frustrated and when I'm frustrated, I don't think before the words come outta my mouth.

Xander started choking on his donut and it took Anya storming over and whacking him hard against his back in order for him to stop. Willow's mouth open and closed repeatedly, at loss for words. Tara just sat there calmly, which surprised me. I cross my arms over my chest and stare right over at Willow since I know out of all of them, she'd be the only one that can give me an explanation of what _exactly_ happened last night.

"You-you found Buffy?" Willow manages to sputter out and I nod my head. "Where is she?"

"Last place I left her was at Giles' place, well, I guess it's technically _mine_ now, but that's not the point. I want to know how the hell she's back and alive, Willow, and I'm gonna ask you nicely not to lie to me about what happened last night. I know you guys were up to something. I overheard you talking in the Bronze the other night about keeping me preoccupied and not go out on patrol and for Spike to play vampire babysitter to Dawn for the night."

"We did a spell," Willow whispers and the tears spill down her cheeks as she speaks. "I-we had no idea that it worked. The Hellions came and destroyed the Urn of Osiris, ending the spell before it was done. We thought we failed because the urn was destroyed."

"Well, you didn't fail, Red. She's alive and walking and breathing and all that and fuck, you should've seen her when I found her. She was fucking scared out of her mind. Are you guys stupid or something?"

"Hey! We're not stupid! We just wanted her back!" Xander says angrily and Anya is standing behind him and rubbing his shoulders in an attempt to keep him calm. "We just wanted her back. You have no idea how hard it is not having her here with us where she belongs, Faith."

"No, I _know_ how hard it is for you guys. I spent the last four months here with you and I've seen you go from the worst low to gradually moving on with your lives! I get that Buffy was important to you, that you love her, but she was dead and gone," I spit at him, the venom in my voice making me feel sick. "This spell you guys did, you never stopped to think about _where_ you were bringing her back, did you?"

"What do you mean?" Willow asks shakily.

"She came back where you _left_ her," I say angrily. "From the way I found her, the way she looked and hell, the way she smelled, she had to crawl out of her own fucking grave!"

I keep waiting for them to tell me I'm lying to them, but I guess my anger over the whole sitch makes it so they know I'm telling them the truth. I don't have all the answers I'm looking for, but they gave me enough to go on to explain _how_ Buffy is back at least.

I get up and leave as Willow starts breaking down and crying even harder. I don't wanna stick around for the big sob fest here. I also don't wanna stick around and say shit that'll make her and the others feel even worse than they do for not knowing that the fucked up spell they did to bring Buffy back had actually worked.

I get why they wanted to do it though. Their lives are just not the same without Buffy and I get that they probably feel like there is a piece of them missing inside when she was gone. It still doesn't make it _right_, though, and it's just too bad they'd don't seem to get that.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

I spent an hour or so walking through the streets of Sunnydale before I headed home. I guess a part of me didn't wanna go back there still pissed off. Buffy's sleeping in the bedroom when I get back and she's left a mess from whatever she tried to cook herself for lunch in the kitchen. I don't bother cleaning up after her and grab the last cold beer out of the fridge, cracking it open as I walk over to the desk and pick up the phone and the piece of paper with Giles' number written on it.

He really needs to know what is going on over here, but I don't know just how to tell him what happened. He literally just left and if he knew what Willow and the others had done, he'd be back as soon as he could make it, probably giving them hell for being so fucking stupid to do a spell that brought Buffy back from the dead. He'll probably be pissed at me over the fact I never told him when he called the Magic Box earlier and talked to me.

And a pissed off Giles is not a fun Giles to deal with. I know from recent experience.

I stare down at the cordless phone in my hand for a few minutes before I place it back down on the charger and walk over to the window. I shake my head as I open the window. I know that Giles needs to know what is going on here, but I really don't wanna be the one to tell him. I also don't wanna hear an earful from him when he finds out I knew and didn't tell him. Some fucked up dilemma I've found myself in, huh?

I light up a smoke and start to have a conversation inside my head, trying to figure out how to tell Giles when I do work up the nerve to call him. I don't know why, but it feels like one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, crazy as it is.

I give in once I've finished my cigarette and I grab the phone off the desk and sit down on the couch. I dial the number on the piece of paper and wait for the line to ring. After a few seconds, it's ringing and I'm waiting for Giles to pick up. A part of me wants to get his voice mail-or answering machine, whatever he uses-but another part of me just wants to get this done and over with already.

"_Hello?"_

"Hey, G, it's me," I say softly, my voice cracking and nearly giving out before I can get out the words.

"_Faith? Is everything all right? Did something happen? Are you all right?"_

"There's uh something I didn't tell ya earlier," I say to him and I can hear him shuffling on the other ends. "There's something I should've told ya when you called before, but I-I didn't know how to tell you."

"_What is going on?"_

Giles is far too calm for my nerves right now. If he only knew. If he only fucking _knew_.

"_Faith?"_

"Buffy's back," I spit out.

I swear I can hear him laughing, but it sounds like he's trying to keep it to himself. I sigh heavily, switch the phone to my other ear, and take a few healthy swigs of my beer.

"G, did you hear what I said? Buffy's back."

"_I certainly heard what you said. Have you been drinking, Faith?"_

"No," I sigh heavily. "Buffy is back from the _dead_, Giles."

"_Impossible."_

"Tell that to the very powerful witch that brought her back. Goes by the name of Willow. Cute little redhead with a girlfriend named Tara."

"_Good lord."_

I tell him Buffy is back from the dead and that's all I get? One "Good lord"? Jesus Christ.

It takes him a full five minutes of silence between us for him to start yelling at me. I don't cut in and try to stop him. I just let him get it all out. I barely listen since pretty much everything he is saying should be directed at the Scooby gang, not me. Fuck, I only _found_ Buffy, it's not like I had a hand in this spell that they did or even know what they were up to. Once he's calmed down, I finally explain everything that I know to him, giving as much details as I can from the moment I found Buffy until pretty much up to the point where I called him.

Before the conversation is over, he tells me he'll be looking into getting a flight back to California to return to Sunnydale as soon as he can. I hang up the phone and when I turn around, Buffy is standing by the desk with a perplexed look on her face. I have no idea how much of the conversation she heard, but from the looks of things, she isn't happy with what she did hear.

"What's up, B?" I ask her calmly and smile a little. "Did ya sleep all morning?"

"You told him?"

"Didn't have any other choice," I shrug. "Talked to Willow and the gang this morning. Don't know if ya overheard, but-"

"I heard," she snaps and she doesn't move from where she's standing. "Doesn't make it any better-or easier for that matter to know that my _friends_ are the reason I'm here right now when I shouldn't be."

I don't say anything to her since I know she ain't gonna talk to me about those many hidden meanings underneath her words. I don't expect her to and if she wants to then hey, by all means I'll listen and all that crap. I learned from the prison shrink and from Angel that sometimes just listening to someone else gets you a long way. A long way to what, I ain't so sure on that part yet, but I do know the listening crap works sometimes.

"I want to go home."

"You ain't a prisoner here, B. You're free to leave whenever you want. But," I say and I stand up slowly from the couch, "ya gotta remember that you wanted to stick around here instead of going home last night."

"I know."

"Just wanted to be clear on that," I add and I watch her as she walks to the door and stops. "Do ya want me to walk you home?"

"No," she says and she turns back to the door and opens it. "Faith?" She says as she turns her head to look back at me. "Uh, thank you for what you've done since last night. You didn't have to."

"No, but it felt like the right thing to do."

I get a little nod and a smile outta her before she leaves and slowly shuts the door behind her. I sit there for what feels like forever just staring at the door, wondering if she'll come back in 'cause she's changed her mind about wanting to go back home. Not like I expect her to though. Whatever she's been going through since last night, she just needed time to come back down to earth, so to speak, before she got back to her normal life.

I find the necklace with the Buffy glamour and I grab a hammer out of the tool box in the hallway closet. I set the necklace down on the counter and stare at it. I don't want to destroy it. Angel gave it to me. I knew I should've given them something else to use for the glamour spell, something that holds little to no meaning to me. I raise the hammer up and bring it down with enough force to break the chain and bend the cross. I tie the chain together where it broke and I slip it on and head for the bathroom to look in the mirror.

Nothing. Still me. The glamour is gone but all I'm left with is a fucked up looking cross necklace on a broken chain.

Still, I don't know what came over me, but I do know I had the feeling I had to end it now that Buffy is back. What do they need me for anymore anyway? I'll end up going back to being the "other" slayer, the backup, pushed aside and everything I've done in the last four months will quickly be forgotten.

I'm not bitter. It's the truth. Once Buffy gets back into her old routine, patrolling and what not, there'll be no need for me to be the one and only slayer this town has. There's a part of me that wants to pack up what I got and leave before things turn out the way they did the last time I was here. But a bigger part of me wants to stay 'cause for once in my life I'm somewhere where it feels like home.

I head up to the bedroom and lay down, burying my face into the pillow as I try to shut out my raging thoughts and the rest of the world. I inhale deeply and I can smell Buffy's scent lingering on the pillow and the sheets. In a weird way, it helps lull me to sleep. I welcome that pull as my body finally gives in to a little bit of rest. God knows I need it after the night I'd had last night.

* * *

><p>I don't bother going on patrol tonight and instead I find myself sitting in Willy's bar, sipping a strong Jack and Coke and eyeing the few vamps that are sitting in the corner. I would've gone to the Bronze, but I didn't wanna run into the Scooby gang there tonight, not after this morning. I don't think I'm quite ready to face them right now without snapping at them for being so fucking stupid.<p>

"Funny running into you here," Olivia says as she sits down on the stool next to me. "I didn't think you came to a place like this."

"Just about to say the same thing about you," I say to her with a crooked smile. "You stood me up."

"And I was just about to apologize for that," she says with a sweet smile and I can't help but smile back at her. "Something came up last minute."

"Boyfriend?"

I get a nod out of her and I sigh as I lift the glass to my lips and chug what's left. I motion to Willy to make me another drink and I pull out my pack of cigarettes. I offer Olivia one before I light one for myself and grab the ashtray that's to the left of me.

"I do owe you a drink," she says as she motions for Willy to bring us over a couple of beers. "Did you hear about what happened last night?"

"What happened?"

"About how the town got so trashed," she elaborates and I just stare at her, waiting to see what she'll say. "I heard there was a gang who came riding into town, thinking they'd try to take over."

"Heard that too."

"Roman said he saw a couple of the guys before he woke me up so we could hide from them in case they tried to break into our apartment. Said they were gnarly looking."

I laugh at that and finish off my drink before I grab the beer in front of me. It always amazes me that people living in Sunnydale haven't clued in to half the things that happen here and what truly roams the streets at night. I doubt anyone would stick around here long if they knew.

"Been in Sunnydale long?" Olivia asks me and I shrug a little. "It's just I haven't seen you before this summer. Roman and I moved here from LA just before Christmas last year and I thought by now I'd know just about everyone in this town."

"Came here about four months back," I reply, deciding not to tell this chick too much about myself. I've never been an open book with anyone and that's not about to change for a chick with great tits and a pretty face.

"What do you do for work?"

"Kind of had myself a bit of a vacation, but gotta start looking for something real soon. Like yesterday," I reply easily and she laughs and puts an arm around my shoulder. "Got any ideas, Liv?"

"The Bronze is always looking for more bartenders. Between me and Gary, we're the only one that has been there longer than six months."

"Dunno about that," I reply. "I ain't exactly twenty-one yet. Not for another couple of months at least."

"I'll put in a good word for you."

"Appreciate that."

Our conversation is short-lived, but I'm grateful for that. The other night, Olivia seemed like the type I'd get on well with, but tonight? Something definitely felt a little _off_ about her. A tall man with long black hair tied back in a neat ponytail and arms covered in tattoos strolls in as soon as I polish off my beer. He takes a seat on the other side of Olivia and once they share a brief kiss, I figure this is the boyfriend, Roman.

He leans on the bar and peers around Olivia to look at me and he has a sneer on his face that makes me cringe. If I felt like something was off with Olivia, this guy takes the cake. He leans in to whisper something into Olivia's ear. I can hear him though, but he's talking in Spanish and I can't understand a damn word he's saying to her.

It doesn't take me too long to figure out the buzz I'm feeling isn't from the drinks I've had. It's coming from Roman. I can't figure out if he's a vamp or a demon, but I know he's one of them.

"Oh, Faith, this is my boyfriend, Roman," Olivia says with a sweet smile and Roman reaches out to shake my hand. "This is Faith, the one I was supposed to have drinks with the other night," she says to him and rolls her eyes as I give his hand a firm shake.

"Pleasure is all mine," he drawls, his voice deep and the Spanish accent is thick.

His hand isn't cold, but it's not exactly warm either. I can't rule out whether he's a vamp or a demon just yet, but I do know he's definitely _not_ of the human variety here. I shake it off though since I've had a few drinks and could be mistaken and trying to make this guy into something he's not.

I try to figure out a way to get out of having to sit here with the two of them for much longer, but my gut tells me to stick around and sniff out just whatever this guy Roman is. With Giles not gonna be back for who knows how long now, a day or two possibly, I can't hit the books alone and I sure ain't going to the Scooby gang with this one. Especially not now that Buffy is back and they're all fawning over her like a newborn baby. Or a puppy. Whatever.

I pull out a cigarette from my pack and Roman reaches over and offers me a light from his gold-plated Zippo lighter. I give him a little smile and light my cigarette before I motion to Willy to get us a round of drinks. When he places three beers down on the bar in front of us, I ask him to get us six shots of the finest tequila he's got. If I'm gonna get anything outta this Roman guy, I gotta get him a bit tipsy first, get him to slip up. Whatever façade he's hiding behind, it ain't gonna work on me.

It isn't long before I find out what a smooth talker this guy is and I can plainly see why Olivia is fawning all over him like a school-girl in love with the hottest guy in her class. It's actually quite amusing though and it's making my night far more entertaining than I originally thought it'd be.

Under the haze of the alcohol, I still keep my wits about me as best as I can. Night off or not, anything can happen and a drunk slayer isn't a very efficient slayer.

I spot Spike hobble in after an hour of drinking with Olivia and Roman. He's got one crutch under his arm and his leg is still clearly broken. When we make eye-contact, he takes it as a sign to come over and sit on the stool next to me. I clench my jaw, wanting nothing more than to tell him off, but the wheels that are still slightly sober in my head start turning and I realize I can use him to help me figure out just what Roman is, a vamp or a demon or something else not human.

"Leg still broken, Spike?" I ask him sweetly and he shoots me a glare before grabbing my beer and taking a swig from the bottle.

"What do you think, Slayer? Not gonna magically heal itself in a couple hours, is it now?"

I give his knee a poke and he winces. It makes me laugh and I turn to look over at Olivia and Roman, but they're no longer sitting next to me. They're over by the jukebox dancing, holding each other close in a way only lovers do.

"Who're they?" Spike asks me and he takes another swig of my beer. "Friends of yours?"

"Not exactly."

"Make a habit of having drinks with people you don't know?"

"Isn't that what being in a bar is all about, Spike?"

This is seriously turning into the longest day of my life, even longer than that first day I spent in prison. The last thing I wanted was for Spike to show up tonight, but I guess hanging out at Willy's bar, it's bound to happen at some point or another.

Luckily for me, Spike spots a couple of demons he normally plays poker with and he hobbles his way to the back room with my beer. I sigh and ask Willy for another. Olivia and Roman are still dancing over by the jukebox and I can't help but turn on my stool and watch them for a minute. There's no denying they make one hot couple, that's for sure. There's still something completely off about them though and I wish I could put my finger on it. I know that Olivia is human, but I still can't figure out what Roman is.

I push it out of my mind and join them over by the jukebox. I lean up against the pool table as soon as the few demons that were playing saw me coming over and left quickly. I laugh a little and lean back a little, still watching them, feeling absolutely mesmerized by the way they're moving together.

"Join us, Faith," Olivia says in a husky drawl that makes my whole body shudder.

Olivia holds out a hand and I put my beer bottle down on top of the pool table. I grab her hand and allow myself to be pulled in between them. The heat from her body is intense against my front and I can feel Roman behind me, his hands slinking over my hips as he pulls me into his body. I feel like I'm in a haze as I move with them. Olivia drapes her arms over my shoulders and leans in close. I can smell her perfume and the alcohol on her breath and it makes me dizzy.

I feel lips on the back of my neck once my hair is swept to the side and it jolts me back down to reality. I push away from the two of them and watch as they find each other again. I run a hand through my hair and grab my beer off the pool table.

Whatever their intentions are, I don't wanna stick around and find out. A few years ago, I would've been the one leading them back to my motel room for a night of hot, sweaty, naked fun. But that's not who I am anymore and I gotta keep reminding myself that even when the pull towards that part of my past becomes almost too strong to fight.

They don't even notice I'm gone as I slip away to the bar and down the rest of my beer. I hand Willy some cash, hopefully enough to pay off my tab and he waves my hand away, telling me the tab has already been paid for by Roman. With a sigh, I shove the bills back into my back pocket and I head for the door. I take a quick glance back at the lovers and they're so enthralled by one another I don't doubt they won't notice I'm gone for quite some time.

The night is a bit cool, but it's almost refreshing as I step outside and breathe in the fresh air. It takes a bit for me to walk home, but I make it in one piece. I shut the door and lock it behind me. I stumble in the darkness as I slip off my jacket and miss the back of the chair. I groan loudly when I hear it thump to the ground. I don't know how I manage to make it up the stairs to bed, but as soon as I hit the pillow, I can feel the strong tug of sleep pulling me in.

* * *

><p><em>Bang. Bang. Bang.<em>

Either someone is at the door or I've just woken up with a killer hangover. I roll over on to my back and stare up at the ceiling. The sunlight shining in through the windows nearly blind me at first, but my eyes adjust and the pounding in my head is a sore reminder of just how much I drank last night at Willy's.

I pull the pillow over my face and breathe in deeply. Buffy's scent is still faintly lingering there and I make a mental note to throw the bed linen in the wash at some point today. It's driving me _crazy_.

I hear the door unlock downstairs and I sit up too quickly, making the room spin around me and my insides churn as I struggle to keep down whatever is left in my stomach. I know I drank a bit, even for me, but I didn't drink enough to feel like _this_. I get out of bed and make my way down the stairs. Willow and Tara have let themselves in and they've brought coffee from the Espresso Pump with them.

"Morning, Faith," Willow says with a smile as she hands me one of the three coffee's they're carrying. She's far too chipper for me to handle this morning. "Rough night? How are you feeling?"

"Like someone took a two by four and hit me repeatedly with it," I reply with a shrug. "Nasty hangover. Nothing a coffee and a couple more hours of sleep won't cure."

Willow and Tara just exchange a look between them as I pick up my jacket from the floor and pull out the now crushed and nearly empty pack of cigarettes. I sit on the edge of the desk and light one, closing my eyes as I inhale deeply and wait for whatever bad news they have come here to tell me.

"Um," Willow coughs as she and Tara move to sit on the stools by the counter. "We received a call last night," she says nervously and I wave my hand for her to continue faster. "From Angel."

"He's back?"

"He said he was trying to get in touch with you, but you obviously weren't even home. He's back in LA and we-we told him Buffy's alive. We told him everything."

"And?"

"Buffy is going later to see him," Willow replies. Totally knew that one was coming. "But," she sighs as she looks at Tara for a second then looks back at me, "Angel told me that he wants you to come with Buffy when she goes down to see him."

Now that I didn't see coming. I would've thought that he'd want to see her alone. Maybe he doesn't trust himself to face her alone 'cause those feelings of his are still very real and still very deeply woven through his soul. Not that I blame him or anything. I know what kind of an impact that Buffy can make on the people in her life. I've seen it with my own eyes and hell, I'll even admit I've felt it too.

Willow brings me up to speed on when Buffy is planning to head down to LA to see Angel, but the only downside is she has yet to find a way down there. Xander already refused to lend her his car, and from the stories I've heard, that's probably a _good_ thing.

I seriously need more sleep before I have to deal with any of this today, yet I'm getting the feeling that's not gonna be happening. My head is still pounding something fierce and my stomach is churning even as I sip the now lukewarm coffee they'd brought for me. Willow explains to me that I need to be the one to convince Buffy not to go down to LA alone. I want to laugh in her face and tell her Buffy would never listen to me, but she's got this look in her eyes that's telling me something, whatever it is, I'm not too sure, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess it has to do with the way Buffy is acting.

Willow and Tara go sit out in the courtyard to wait for me while I shower and get changed into clean clothes. I avoid looking at myself in the steamy bathroom mirror since I know I look just as bad as I feel right now. I grab my sunglasses and slip them on before I join them outside in the courtyard. Nobody says a word as I lead the way to where I parked Giles' car and we pile in. I take a moment to take a few deep breaths before I pull out of the parking lot.

The ride to the Summers' house is quick and silent and I let Willow and Tara go up to the house first. I can faintly hear them talking inside and I get out of the car, readjusting my sunglasses as I walk up to the front door and let myself in. Dawn is in the living room watching TV, likely being picked up and driven to school by Xander in a couple of minutes. Willow and Tara are in the kitchen talking quietly now and I stop before I pass the stairs when I see Buffy appear at the top.

"What are you doing here?" Buffy asks in a cold voice that makes me flinch.

"I'm your ride to LA, B," I reply casually.

"You? You expect me to trust you that you won't try to kill me?"

"Past all that, B, remember?"

She rolls her eyes as she walks past me and heads for the kitchen. "What the hell is she doing here?" I hear her ask Willow and Tara. "I told you I don't want her coming around here anymore."

"She'll drive you down to LA to see Angel, Buff," Willow replies calmly and I walk to the kitchen doorway and lean up against the wall with my arms crossed over my chest. "Angel _wants_ her to come with you."

"Whatever," Buffy huffs and she spins around to look at me. There's a glare in her stare and it chills me to the bone. In one day she went from being terrified to going right back to her old self, the one that absolutely hated my guts. "Can we leave now then?"

"Whenever you're ready," I reply with a shrug. "Gotta stop and get some breakfast before we get on the open road. My treat," I say with a smile but she just ignores me and walks towards the front door. "This'll be one helluva fun day," I mutter and it earns me a sympathy smile from Willow and Tara.

Buffy is waiting for me by the car. She has a bag with her and I don't need to look inside it to know she's packed some weapons and possibly a change of clothes and other little essentials she'd need for a day trip to LA and back. I hop in the front seat and I turn to look at her, peering over the top of my sunglasses as I watch her look right back at me with a glare.

"You coming?" I ask her as I slip the key into the ignition and start the engine.

"You know how to drive?"

"I do."

"Do you even have a license?"

"I do," I reply with a chuckle. She sighs dramatically and tosses her stuff in the back seat before she gets in the passenger side and shuts the door behind her. "You can pick the tunes for the ride there," I say to her as I drive away from the Summers' house. "Just one condition, I get to pick the tunes on the ride back."

"Fine," she shrugs and she slips her sunglasses on and reaches for the buttons to change the radio station.

Before we reach the open road, I pull over at a gas station and fill up the tank. Buffy runs inside the snack shop and comes out a few minutes later with a bag full of junk food and cans of pop. I smile a little as I climb back in the car but she doesn't even look at me. She does offer me a bag of Doritos and I take them willingly. Not my idea of breakfast, but it'll do until we get to LA and stop for some real food.

It's a long drive to LA and I know there will be no words between us. I have a lot I want to say to her, but I get the feeling she's not going to willingly listen to me. I don't blame her. Things might've been different the other day, but that was before the shock of being brought back to life wore off. I don't know how I'm gonna handle things once we're back in Sunnydale. Giles will want me to stick around, but I'm starting to wonder if the others will start changing their mind when it comes to me staying there.

Sure, the summer changed a lot of things and I became a part of their lives. But, Buffy is back now and they can go back to living their lives the way it'd been before she died saving the world yet again.

And I'll just go back to being second-string. The backup slayer. Second best.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

I'm sitting out on the back steps of the Hyperion Hotel while Buffy and Angel are inside doing their whole reunion thing. The sight of the two of them being all cuddly was a little nauseating and I ducked out as quickly as I could to avoid making any kind of a scene. Gunn and Wesley are out tracking a nest of vamps, Cordy is at her apartment and Fred is in the lobby, talking to Lorne about Buffy.

I just sit out there half listening to their conversation. I light up a cigarette and lean back on the steps and close my eyes. I'm so tired that I doubt I'll be able to drive us back to Sunnydale and get us there in one piece tonight. If I try and something happens, I know Buffy will never let me live it down and accuse me of trying to kill her just like she suspected I'd do.

I know I gotta stop thinking like this, but it's hard not to fall back into that frame of mind.

I tense when I hear their voices in the lobby. I turn to look inside and I see them standing just outside the door. They're talking about making plans to see each other later on in the month once Buffy is back to a normal routine and Angel gets a few things in order that fell apart while he'd been gone. I hear her complain about being hungry and after Angel explains how to get to the kitchen, he comes out and sits on the step next to me.

"Enjoy your little reunion?" I ask him, the words tasting bitter in my mouth.

"She seems well, considering," he replies quietly and he lets out a heavy sigh. "I'm glad you brought her down here, Faith."

"Don't know why you thought it was a good idea."

"I thought it'd give you two a chance to get over your differences and bond."

I laugh. Hard. "Are you kidding me? A couple hours in a car driving down here ain't enough time to get over our differences and bond, Angel. Sometimes it feels like there's not enough time in the world for us to get over all the differences between us and get past it all. That ship sailed a long time ago. Right now we're just tolerating each other. Barely."

"You were the one who found her that night," he says and I turn to look at him and he's got this "I know something you don't" look on his face. I _hate_ it when he gives me that look. "Regardless of what you think, Faith, you two share something now that nothing can ever break. In a way, you saved her that night she was brought back. She said to me how surprised she was with how you were treating her."

"Yeah well, what else was I supposed to do? Just let her run off and probably try to kill herself? She thought she was in _hell_ when I found her, Angel. Pretty sure wherever she came from wasn't near as bad as Sunnydale."

"Wherever she came from, she's grateful for what you did for her that night, Faith. Whether she'll ever tell you or not, you need to know that."

I shrug and flick my cigarette to the ground. I know why he's telling me. He's trying to be the middle man and get Buffy and me on good terms before we leave. Yeah, like that's gonna happen. Don't have it in me to tell him that straight out though. I'm just so goddamn tired and these last couple of days have been rough.

"How you've been holding up in Sunnydale?"

"Was doing all right I guess."

"Giles taking care of you?"

"Yeah," I nod. "He's off in England. Left the day they brought Buffy back. He's supposed to be coming back to Sunnydale soon as he can get a flight out."

"And how are things between you and the others?"

"Could be worse," I reply with a shrug. "We're not best pals or anything, but they don't hate my guts so that's something, right?"

Angel smiles a little and gets up from the steps. He reaches out for my hand and I take it and allow him to pull me up to my feet. "You look tired, Faith," he says before he wraps his arms around me and hugs me tight. "Do you need to stay here tonight, get some rest before you and Buffy head back to Sunnydale?"

I nod my head as I step out of his strong embrace. I'm not even worried about how Buffy feels about staying here tonight, but something tells me she's not gonna object against it. It'll give her and Angel more bonding time or whatever and it'll give me the first full night's sleep I've had in the last couple of days-which by the way feels a helluva lot longer.

Angel tells me to take the room I stayed in before and I head right up there, ignoring Fred and Lorne as they ask me if I'm staying tonight. Nothing has changed since I was here last and it's almost comforting 'cause it feels like it's mine. I kick off my boots as I shut the door behind me and I flop right down on the bed, my eyes feeling heavy as my head hits the pillow.

I fall asleep slowly, wondering how Angel would feel if I asked him to stay in LA with them instead of going back to Sunnydale. It's not like I'm needed there anymore. Buffy is back to normal and I'm positive it won't be much longer until she's back doing her nightly patrols. Where do I fit in there? I learned the hard way that there's no room for two slayers in Sunnydale and I really don't want a repeat.

Don't think I could handle a repeat. Or any more rejection. Better to be somewhere where I feel wanted than to be somewhere where I feel like I don't belong.

* * *

><p>I wake up from a dreamless sleep when I feel someone in the room with me. I have no idea what time it is or how long I'd been asleep for. It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust to the darkness and that's when I see Buffy sitting on the armchair by the window. I have no idea how long she's been in here for, but I'm gonna guess it hasn't been that long. Even asleep, my slayer senses are on high alert, always being able to tell if someone else is near me. It's probably why whenever I pulled my "get some, get gone" I never let anyone stay over or I never stayed with them.<p>

"Buffy?" I ask softly as I flip on the light next to the bed. "What are you doing in here?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"So ya decided to pull the creeper card and come watch me sleep?"

"No," she replies but she laughs a little. "I was kind of hoping you were awake. I thought if I sat here long enough, you'd wake up."

"Why?"

She shrugs and looks down at her hands in her lap. "Angel said it'd be good if we talked."

I roll my eyes and check my watch. Four in the morning. Fucks sake. "And it couldn't wait until the morning, B?"

"Sorry," she sighs and she frowns, but she doesn't lift her eyes to look at me. "I-I thought we could talk and get some things out of the way, but if you don't want to-"

"I do," I reply quickly before she can get out of the chair and I stretch out a little, feeling my joins pop and my muscles stretch. "I do want to talk. Got a lot of ground to cover between you and me."

"We do," Buffy nods her head in agreement. "Can I go first?"

"By all means."

"I'm sorry."

I cock my head to the side and wait to see if she's gonna follow that up by anything or clarify just what she's sorry for. I don't push her though and I grab my cigarettes out of the back pocket of my jeans, cursing under my breath when I find that most of them have been broken while I slept with them in my pocket. I find one that's intact and light it, all the while keeping my eyes on Buffy, waiting to see if she's gonna say anything else.

"I'm sorry for everything, Faith," she finally says after what feels like an eternity, but it's only been a few minutes. "I had a nice long talk with Angel tonight and he made me realize a few things."

"He's good at doing that," I mutter under my breath and she chuckles quietly.

"You saved me the other night, you realize that, right?"

"Only was trying to help you, didn't know I was _saving_ your skinny ass."

"You didn't have to do that for me and you did without even thinking about it. I'm sorry if I seemed ungrateful."

"Nah, figured you got a lot of shit going on right now with being back and all that my thanks of gratitude was just gonna be delayed for a while."

"But don't think me saying I'm sorry and thanking you for that is going to instantly change everything between us, Faith. And don't think I'm putting the blame all on you. I'm not. We both wronged each other, granted the way you did it was much worse, but you're different now and I know I'm not the only one who sees it. I just wanted you to know that, that's all."

I shake my head and try to wake myself up. I'm definitely dreaming this. There's no way Buffy would just flat out say the words I've been waiting for over a year for her to say to me. I close my eyes tightly and open them a couple of times and by the third time I do it, I open my eyes to Buffy looking at me like I've done lost my mind.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to wake up," I reply and close my eyes again. "Doesn't seem to be working," I mutter and I hear Buffy laugh quietly. "What's so funny?"

"You. You're awake, Faith, so quit it."

I smirk 'cause I can't help it. This whole situation right now is way off base from the norm; at least it is when it comes between Buffy and me. It doesn't last very long unfortunately and whatever laughter had reached Buffy's eyes a few moments ago is gone and replaced by emptiness, like she's going right back to shutting me out.

"When are you taking me home?" Buffy asks and I shrug, not having thought that through too much. "You don't want to go back there, do you?"

"What makes you say that, B?"

"Just a feeling," she replies softly. "If it makes it any better, Faith, I want you to come back and I know the others will want you to be there too."

Comforting, but it doesn't shake that feeling I'd had earlier and it doesn't shake those thoughts I had of asking Angel to stay in LA for a while.

"I need you there," Buffy whispers and I blink, definitely more and more convinced I'm dreaming or maybe she's been put under some kind of spell without even knowing it. "Faith, did you hear what I said? I need you in Sunnydale."

"Yeah, I heard you, B," I say with a scowl.

I get out of bed, feeling shaky as the anger starts to slide in. I take a few deep, calming breaths, not wanting to lose it now in front of Buffy of all people. I walk over to the window and try to open it, but even with slayer strength, I can't get it to budge past the years of paint that's sealed it shut. I let the cigarette dangle from my lips as I lean on my hands and grip the edge of the windowsill.

I want to know what Angel said to her for her to be talking to me like this. I want to know exactly what he said that made her change her tune when it comes to me. I know Angel has been looking out for me since I've been in prison and everything, but all it takes for him is a couple of hours and Buffy is apologizing to me and telling me she needs me in Sunnydale? Either I'm dreaming and I can't wake up, or I've slept through a world-ending apocalypse and I'm dead.

I hear Buffy get out of the chair she'd been sitting in and I feel my whole body tense. I flinch when her hand rests on my left arm, but I don't let go of the windowsill and I don't turn to look at her. She sighs heavily and takes her hand away and she leans up against the wall next to me. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see her cross her arms over her chest and close her eyes.

"We do need to talk about a lot of things," she says softly. "It's going to take a lot longer than a night in LA to talk about the things we need to."

"No shit."

"Dawn talked my ear off about you yesterday," she says and it makes me look over at her and she has a little smile curling over her lips. "She told me what it's been like the last couple of months with you there. You've been good to her and to the others and that says a lot when it comes to how far you've come since I saw you last."

I shrug and take one last drag of my cigarette before I walk over to the bed and put it out in the ashtray on the table. I'm at loss for words at the moment and I figure that it's best if I let Buffy say whatever it is she has to say to me right now. It's what she's come here for at four in the morning after all.

"I never thought you'd be the one she looked up to like another big sister and a friend, not after everything that's happened," she continues as I sit down on the edge of the bed and run my hands through my hair. "She tells me how calm you are now and I thought she was joking. You are a lot calmer. How'd you manage that?"

"Prison," I reply coldly. "Gives you a lot of time to think over shit, plus there was the mandatory therapy sessions and crap. Angel played a big part in that."

"I know. He told me. He told me a lot of things about you," she says. Her smile disappears and is quickly replaced by a frown. "I know your life has never been great and that you've faced a lot of hardships and everything. It explains a lot about why you are the way you are."

I roll my eyes and decide I don't want to hear this. Not from her, not now. I don't know what Angel told her about me, but I do know that Giles had lent him the file the Council has on me when I first got to prison. He only did it 'cause Angel asked him for it. Angel only mentioned it once and told me that nobody deserved to live the life I had to live before I became a slayer. No shit Sherlock. Angel knows more about my life than anyone-Council and Giles aside-and it's kinda making me a little more than uncomfortable now that I think about it.

I want to run. That urge is there and stronger than ever. I hate feeling so fucking vulnerable and with the way Buffy is looking at me now, I just want to get the hell out of here and away from her.

But I can't just leave her here. It'd only prove that I really haven't changed all that much if I do. I walk back over to the window and try again to open it, feeling it give just a little before I give up and pound my palms of my hands down on the windowsill. I can feel Buffy's eyes on me, but I don't look back at her. I expect her to say something-anything, yet she's quiet and only watching me.

"Angel doesn't even know half of what I've gone through in my life, nobody does," I say under my breath and I know she's heard every word. "If it weren't for him though, I wouldn't even be here right now and I sure as hell wouldn't be this _calm_ if it wasn't for him either."

"Why didn't you break out of prison yourself, Faith?"

"You know why. 'Cause I belonged there. Gunn had to break me outta there quietly instead of me making some huge scene about it. But believe me, B, when I found out you were dead, I wanted nothing more than to be out of there. I wanted to turn back the clock somehow, go back and help you fight that bitch Glory. Maybe if I was there, things would've been different."

"Maybe."

"You don't think so?"

"I don't know what difference it would've made, Faith. One of us would've died."

"You're wrong," I snap at her and I put all that I have in me and force the window open, the cool night air rushing in the stuffy room almost instantly. "It would've made a difference. Two slayers are better than one. You never saw it that way though, did you? Even before everything went for shit, you never wanted me around. You hated me 'cause I came strolling into your town and acted like I didn't have a care in the world. You hated me 'cause I wanted to be a better slayer than you. You hated me 'cause you friends thought I was cooler than you."

"No," she stammers as she shakes her head. "I never hated you, Faith."

"Find that hard to believe."

"I still need you in Sunnydale, Faith, regardless of what you think you know about how I feel about you," Buffy replies firmly and it's the tone in her voice along with her words that shocks me. "I _don't_ want things to be like it was before and I'm sorry if I led you to believe otherwise. I'm _trying_, but you don't know how fucking hard it is to be back here, Faith. You don't know, nobody does and never will."

I can't look at her now 'cause she's crying. I lean out the window and breathe in deeply, forcing back my own tears that are threatening to fall. I lost it on her, said things I shouldn't have said to her, things that when in therapy I was told to let go and move on from even if it was the hardest thing in my life to do. It wasn't healthy to keep those thoughts, those feelings from my past, especially those that lead up to my fall from grace, so to speak.

Now I have to go see Angel, get some answers from him and find out just what he and Buffy had talked about that made her act like this towards me. I won't take him pussyfooting around it either. I'm not in the mood for any kind of shit. I want answers, honest answers, and when it comes to Angel, at least I can partially trust that he'll talk to me and give me the answers I need to know.

I turn away from the window and head for the door, ignoring Buffy's question asking me where I'm going. I find Angel sitting in his room with the lights off, staring blankly out the window. I flip on the light switch and he barely flinches. I slam the door shut behind me and he turns to look at me with this solemn look in his eyes.

"What did you say to her?" I ask as I walk right up to where he's sitting and stand there in front of him with my hands on my hips, waiting for him to answer. "What the hell did you say to her, Angel?"

"We just talked, Faith," he replies calmly. "She asked me about you. Everything I told her had to be said one way or another."

"What did you talk about?"

"Why are you so angry?" Angel asks as he stands up and places his hands on my shoulders. "Faith? What happened?"

"She was a downright bitch to me on the way down here," I mutter and I shrug away his hands and back up a couple of steps. "I was fucking sleeping and wake up to her sitting there watching me sleep. She _apologized_ to me, basically thanked me for saving her ass the other night, and said a few other things that dragged up a whole mess of memories. So, what the hell did you say to her that made her turn into Miss. _I wanna make everything right_?"

"I told you, she asked me some questions about you and I answered them. She wanted to know if you truly had changed from the person you used to be. I told her that you had, but it wasn't good enough for her. You know Buffy, she can be pretty stubborn sometimes. After we talked, I told her it'd be good for both of you if you two talked some things out."

"Yeah, and her idea of doing that is at four in the fucking morning!"

Angel chuckles and sits back down in the chair. "When you put it that way, she could've waited until the morning."

"No shit," I mutter under my breath and I take a seat on the edge of his bed. "She talked to me like I'm-like I'm her _friend_, Angel. You know that me and her ain't ever been friends, so it's thrown me for a fucking loop here."

"She's trying, Faith."

"Yeah, well, so am I!"

"Are you?"

I sigh heavily. This reminds me far too much of those visits we had when I was in prison, when we'd talk in circles almost until the answers I was looking for from Angel finally came from me. But that isn't what I came here for, to have this kind of a conversation. I came here to find out just what the hell they talked about and he's pulling a typical Angel with me, skipping around the questions I'm asking him and throwing them right back at me.

I grunt in frustration and pound the mattress with my fists. "I am trying. That's all I've been fucking doing is trying. Not just the last couple of days, but since I went back to Sunnydale. I don't know how much longer I can keep trying here, Angel. Keeping calm is not as easy as it seems. It's getting harder and harder every single day."

"You're going to be on your path to redemption for a long time, and one way to get through it is to have patience. Not just with yourself, but with others, and now that includes Buffy."

"Which is gonna be the ultimate test for me," I reply with a dry laugh. "What am I gonna do, Angel?"

"About what?"

"About Buffy. About everything."

"Take it one day at a time. She wants you in Sunnydale, you know that right?"

"Yeah she told me that. Thought she was pulling my leg or something."

"Just go back there and do what you've been doing and be there for Buffy when she needs you. I'm only a phone call away and you know I'm here for you. I'm just sorry I was gone for so long. I'm getting the feeling you needed me around a lot sooner than now."

"Yeah well, you're here now and that's better than nothing. Is all this why you wanted me to come with Buffy or something? Thought you two would've wanted a sweet little reunion without the second-string slayer tagging along."

"Part of it, yeah," he admits easily and I want so much to wipe his smug little smirk off his face with one swift punch, but I don't. I can't. "Why don't you get some sleep, Faith?"

"Actually," I say as I stand up from the bed, "I think I'm gonna go get Buffy and head back to Sunnydale right now."

Angel only nods, doesn't say a word as I leave his room. I know he gets why I gotta leave now. If I don't, I won't be able to when Buffy is ready to go home. I'm not surprised to find her right where I left her. She doesn't protest, doesn't even say a word when I tell her we're heading home.

It earns me a little smile though, so that's something.

If today hasn't been one of the most fucked up days of my life, I don't wanna know what tomorrow and the day after that is gonna bring. All I know is I'm in for a ride that's gonna test me big time.

And I'm not so sure if I'm ready for that.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

The ride back to Sunnydale was pretty uneventful up to the point where the car ran outta gas along a stretch of road with nothing to see for miles in either direction. I've been standing in front of the car for the better part of the day, leaning on the hood and chain smoking. Buffy hasn't moved from the passenger seat and I haven't bothered to look back at her. I don't need to look at her to know she's pissed off I didn't notice we were low on gas when I passed a gas station a few miles back.

It wouldn't take much to jog back there, get enough gas to get us back there to fill up, but I really don't feel like moving from this spot and with the sun setting and no other cars on the road, it's actually peaceful in a fucked up kind of way.

It feels like I'm in between worlds out here. Behind me is the city, where my heart keeps screaming to go back to 'cause that's where I feel more at home. Ahead of me is Sunnydale, hell on earth some days. Right here is the middle and far as I can tell, the only problem I got is Buffy as she sits in the car and lets her anger build up 'til she has enough and loses it on me.

"Faith?" Buffy asks, her voice quiet and eerily calm. "What are you doing?"

"Smoking."

"I can see that," she sighs and she gets out of the car, stretching as she walks over to stand next to me. "Can't you smoke and walk at the same time? We do need gas and we can't stay out here all night. We've been here all day!"

"I know."

"Well?"

"I'm in a good place at the moment, B, don't ruin it."

In all honesty, I didn't realize how long we'd been out here and the few wrong turns I made after we left LA had added a shitload of time to what should've only been a couple hour trip back home. I glance over at Buffy and she's still looking pissed off, rightfully so. I'm just waiting for shit to hit the fan.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

There it is.

"Where do ya want me to start, B?"

She growls. _Growls_. It turns me on and I can't quite shake the feeling fast enough. Buffy must've sensed it 'cause the next thing I know she slaps me across the face, hard.

"The hell was that for?"

"Trying to snap you out of it! We can't stay out here forever, Faith!"

"You wanna get out of here so badly, B? Then what the hell is stopping _you_ from walking back to that gas station and getting us some gas, huh?"

She opens and closes her mouth and I smirk, rubbing my cheek a little since a slap from her is like a punch from Dawn. Not enough to knock me down, but enough to sting a little.

"Fine," she says and turns in the wrong direction, walking a couple of steps before stopping, realizing which way she was going before turning back around. She glares at me as she walks past me and I can't help but watch her as she walks off in a huff.

Call me crazy, but for some reason I've always found Buffy sexy as hell when she's pissed as hell at me. It's a fucked up thing, I know, but I can't help it. The therapist in prison said it's not healthy, but who cares when it stirs up my libido in ways I haven't felt in what feels like forever?

I keep watching Buffy as she walks further down the deserted road and it dawns on me that she has no weapons in case there's something nasty lurking out here just waiting to pounce. I crush out my cigarette with the heel of my boot and I grab two stakes out from the trunk. I lock up the car and start to jog towards her, catching up to her in a minute.

"Oh so _now_ you decide to come," Buffy mutters and I just shrug and hand her one of the stakes. "What's this for, Faith? Do you honestly believe there are vampires out here? In case you haven't noticed, we're in the middle of nowhere."

"Got a point there, but this is like the main stretch leading into Sunnydale from this end. How else ya think the vamps and other nasties get here? Sure as hell don't fly first class."

She doesn't say anything. She just walks swiftly and crosses her arms over her chest. I follow, lingering a little bit behind but still at her side. I aimlessly twirl the stake in my hand a few times before I tuck it into the inside pocket of my jean jacket. It's cool out here and only getting colder as it grows darker. I'm used to the cold and it stopped bothering me a long time ago. Those cool nights in California ain't got nothing on those bitterly cold winter nights in Boston. But I know Buffy sure as hell ain't used to it and it isn't long before I can see her visibly shivering.

I tuck the stake into my back pocket of my jeans and shrug off my jacket. I put it over her shoulders and am a little surprised when she doesn't tell me off. She just pulls it on and sighs a little bit before crossing her arms back over her chest. I'm only wearing a long sleeved shirt; it's thin and doesn't keep the cold from reaching the warmth of my body. I pick up the pace, not only wanting to get to the gas station and back to the car as quickly as possible.

I breathe a sigh of relief when I can see the neon sign up ahead. It's not close, but at least it's within sight now. I shove my hands into the front pocket of my jeans and keep walking at a brisk pace. I glance back and notice Buffy has fallen behind quite a bit. With a heavy sigh, I turn around, walk back to her, and stop her from taking another step.

"You okay, B?"

"I'm fine."

"Tired?"

She nods. "I didn't get any sleep last night."

"And whose fault is that?" I ask with an easy chuckle. She rolls her eyes, but she laughs a little too. "Come on, it's not much further. Soon as we get some gas, we can get you home and all tucked into bed, Princess."

Buffy rolls her eyes again and we continue walking down the side of the road. "You really haven't changed all that much, have you, Faith?" She asks me after we've been walking for a minute or two. "You're still you."

"Yeah, B, I'm still me. Just changed all the _wrong_ things about me best as I could. Still a work in progress here."

"I can tell."

"Guess this is the "bonding" thing Angel was hoping would happen between us, huh?"

Buffy laughs at that and I smile right back at her. It feels easy and I know it's not. I don't know how long this is gonna last before things go right back to the way they were yesterday before we left for LA. Whatever Angel had said to her had changed her tune when it came to me, but I'm not so sure if I'm supposed to be thankful for that or what.

I don't know whether to keep up this awkward-yet not-conversation with her, or just wait for her to continue it first. It seems like the ball is in her court and I'm just waiting for her to make the play.

I want to ask her how she's been feeling. I haven't seen her since the morning after I found her. She seems to be in a bit better place though. There's a bit of life in her eyes now, but nothing like before she died. I don't know why that is, but I'm betting it has to do with being yanked outta some hell dimension by her friends.

Now that I'm thinking about that, I'm starting to get pissed as hell at Willow and the rest of the Scooby gang for doing what they did. _And_ for keeping me outta the loop. You'd think after all I've done for them all summer, the least they would've done was let me know what they were planning. I honestly can't wait for Giles to get back. He's not gonna hold back and he'll put them all in their place since I couldn't.

And now that I think of Giles coming back to Sunnydale, I'm starting to wonder if that means his apartment ain't gonna be mine anymore. Guess I'll find out when the time comes. I'm not too worried about a place to stay though. I've always figured things out no matter how hard they've gotten, only now I can't do it the way I used to.

Still got the "want, take, have" motto, just the "have" part of it has turned into "earn it the honest way".

"Do you normally think this much?" Buffy asks, a teasing tone to her voice and it jars me from my thoughts far too quickly.

"Uh, yeah, sometimes."

I see Buffy raise an eyebrow and we walk into the parking lot of the gas station. The place is empty and anyone would've thought the place was closed or shut down if it weren't for the "open" sign in the window of the shack and the old man sitting in a plastic lawn chair with an old hound dog lying at his feet.

"Run outta gas, did ya?" The man rasps as I approach him. I nod my head and look back at Buffy. She's keeping her distance. "Five bucks to rent the gas can to get ya back to your car."

He points to a rusted metal gas can behind him and I shrug as I dig out my wallet from my back pocket. I hand him the five and I grab the gas can and head to the only gas pump this joint has. I fill it up and pay the man the ten dollars for the very little gas in the can, probably barely enough to get us back here to fill up the tank.

"Um, Faith?" Buffy whispers as I start to walk back to the road. "Do you think he has a bathroom somewhere?"

I look back and laugh, shaking my head no. "Squat in the bushes, B, if ya gotta go that bad. If that dude _has_ a bathroom, from the looks and smell of him, couldn't pay me enough money to use it."

She groans in disgust as we reach the road and start the long walk back to the car. It's gotten colder out and it's got me shivering like I've been caught in a blizzard in the arctic. Buffy slips my jacket off and hands it back to me without a word. I nod my thanks to her, slip it on quickly and we continue on our way.

The walk back to the car seems quicker than it did walking to the gas station. Buffy gets in while I pour the gas into the tank. I all but jump in the front seat, turn the car around, and head back to the gas station. We couldn't have been gone more than half an hour, maybe forty minutes tops, but when I pull into the parking lot, the old man is no longer in the plastic lawn chair and the dog is still lying next to it.

"Yo?" I call out for the man, wondering if maybe he stepped inside the shake for a minute. I sigh and get out of the car. "B, you know how to work the pump? Do me a favour and fill up while I go look for this guy."

"I uh-okay," she stammers and gets out of the car.

I walk over to the shack's window and peer inside. It's dark, but not pitch black and I can only faintly make out a table with an ancient looking cash register on it and behind it is a cot and a rack with a couple of clothes hanging off it.

"Hello?" I call out as I tap on the window. There's no movement inside and I walk around to the back of the shed, looking for the door. Its darker back there and I can't see much. I trip over something hard and lumpy. "Shit."

"Faith?" Buffy calls out.

I don't answer her. I look down at what I just tripped over and it's the old man. He's dead. I kneel down next to him and check his pulse, just to be sure. His neck is warm and wet with blood and I back away, grabbing my stake out of my back pocket. Vampire.

I jog around to the pump just as Buffy finishes filling up the tank. "We got a problem, B," I say quietly. "Vamp killed that old man."

"Yeah? I'm pretty sure that dog is dead too."

I pop open the trunk and pull out the two swords that Wesley had given to me back in LA. Buffy looks down at them and I hand her one without a word. We search the property, moving quickly and quietly. There's no sign of anything else having been here, but I know that man was killed by a vamp and that that vamp can't be too far.

I try to tune out the buzz I get from Buffy and try to concentrate. It's difficult, but not impossible. I head around behind the shack and walk up the hill behind it. Buffy is right behind me. I crouch down low when we reach the top of the hill. I peer down and that's when I see them. Four of them crouched around a small fire, laughing as they root through a trunk or a safe I'm betting they stole from that old man.

I motion to Buffy to get ready, but she's already on her feet and heading down towards them, keeping herself hidden in behind the prickly bushes that litter this side of the hill. I groan and shake my head. I should've expected that. Buffy doesn't follow, she leads and even death hasn't changed that.

I follow her down and she crouches behind a boulder. I'm next to her and she holds a finger up to her lips. I peer over the side at the vamps and they're still laughing and rooting through what definitely is a safe. Buffy motions for me to flank the left and I grab on to her arm and shake my head no. four more vamps show up from the other end of the small valley we're in. four vamps we can take out together, no problem, but eight of them? I don't know if Buffy is even ready for that.

Of course she doesn't listen to me and pulls her arm away from my grip. She runs out, sword at the ready, startling the vamps that are huddled around the fire. She easily decapitates two of them and backs up as the others rise to their feet, game faces on and ready for a fight.

I join her, flanking her left, holding my sword tightly in my right hand. The vamps look at us then at each other. They're smirking. Probably think they're gonna win this fight. There are only six of them now, giving us better odds at dusting them without us being hurt or nearly killed in the process.

Slaying vamps is like riding a bike, once you know how to do it you never forget. That saying is true to form as Buffy jumps into the fray, not wasting time or energy in fighting the vamps. I know she already proved herself with the Hellions the night she was brought back to life, but I was worried maybe she'd taken a couple steps back since. I barely have time to blink before she's decapitated two more vamps. She's panting heavily and she backs up to stand next to me.

The four remaining vamps look stronger than the first four Buffy successfully dusted without a fight. These ones won't be easy. I spot the one who likely fed on the old man and I know he'll be the one that'll be harder to kill. A vamp who just fed is always pumped up, ready and raring to go. Quicker. Sometimes smarter. Definitely not invincible though. I single the vamp out and it's almost as if Buffy knows what I'm thinking. She moves quickly towards the others and I take it as a sign to make the first move with the vamp in front of me.

I hit him with a left hook to the face and it feels like I just punched a cement wall. He's laughing at me as I take a couple steps back and clench my throbbing hand into a fist, trying to fight off the searing pain. Whatever this vamp is, it's more than just juiced up 'cause it just fed.

"Faith, what are you doing? Stake him already!" Buffy yells out as she takes out the last of the vamps she was fighting. "Faith?"

"Working on it, B," I mutter under my breath and I take a swing at the vamp with my sword, missing him on purpose with hopes of catching him off guard. "That all ya got, buddy?"

"You've no idea what you're about to face, Slayer," he growls as I take another swing at him. This time I get him, slicing the skin on his face from his cheekbone down to the corner of his lips. He growls loudly in pain and it sends shivers through my body. "You'll pay for this."

Before I can take another swing at him, he's gone. I spin around and look for which way he could've gone, but it's like he just disappeared. Fuck, this isn't good.

"Faith, what the hell was that?"

"What, B?"

"You just let him get away!"

"I didn't let him do anything. Fuck," I groan loudly and I look down at the hand I used to punch him. Definitely broke a couple of fingers. "Sometimes they get away. We'll get the asshole another time."

"Faith?" Buffy's voice is calmer this time and she stands next to me, carefully cradling my hand in hers. "What happened? Are you okay?"

I pull away from her and I head back to the car. I move quickly, not wanting to stick around in case any more vamps decide to show up outta the blue. I don't even look back to make sure Buffy is following me 'cause I can feel her just a couple of steps behind me.

I jump into the driver's seat and start up the car. Buffy gets into the passenger seat and tosses the sword into the back seat next to where I just tossed mine. I drive outta there quickly, not wanting to stick around. Whatever just happened with that vamp, it wasn't normal and I'm not hunting the asshole down and get myself killed before I find out some facts.

The rest of the drive back to Sunnydale is quiet. I keep looking over at Buffy and all she's doing is staring out the window with a frown permanently fixed on her face. I know she's pissed. I know she wanted to stay and find that vamp and dust him. I don't need to talk to her to know that's exactly what she's thinking right now. But, the problem is, I don't think she's thinking too clearly right now. she just wants a fight and I know if she finds that vamp and fights him, she won't make it outta that fight alive. I can't let her do something that stupid. I feel like I'm responsible for her now.

Or at least I feel like I'm the responsible one outta the two of us. Funny 'cause it's always been the other way around.

* * *

><p>I pace the floor in the training room, trying to drown out the voices coming from the front of the shop. After we got to Sunnydale, I fully planned on dropping Buffy at her place and going down to Willy's after for a couple of drinks. What I didn't plan on was for Xander to be waiting for us at the Summers' house to tell us the others were at the Magic Box with Giles.<p>

Turns out while we were driving back from LA and sitting at the side of the road 'cause apparently I'm an idiot-Buffy's words not mine-Giles returned to Sunnydale. When we got to the Magic Box, Giles barely looked at me, his full attention on Buffy and Buffy alone. There were a few tears shed, from both of them, and I could hardly watch their little reunion without feeling my own tears threatening to surface.

But their little reunion was short lived. Buffy told him and the others what happened while we'd stopped for gas. This prompted them to start an all-night research session, one that I was asked to participate in as well. I tell ya, I was a little disappointed I missed Giles yelling at Willow for doing that spell to bring Buffy back. I was looking forward to that. Thanks to Dawn though, I heard all about it when she slipped out with me when I snuck out to have a cigarette, she told me he called Willow a stupid rank amateur and that she should've never tried to invoke such strong, dark magic.

I would've given anything to be there when that went down. I could tell though the way Giles looked at the others when they started to do the research on what could make a vampire more powerful, that he was pissed right off at all of them. And me.

"Hey," Buffy says as she walks into the back room and shuts the door quietly behind her. "You okay?" She asks as she points to my bandaged hand.

"I'll live. Couple broken bones," I shrug and I glance down at my hand for a moment. "It'll be good as new in a couple days. Perks of being a slayer. You guys getting anywhere with the research?"

"Nope," she sighs and she sits down on the couch. "So far we're not finding anything. Just came back to tell you we're calling it a night."

I glance towards the window and I can see the first rays of dawn beginning to poke up over the horizon. I shake my head, walk over to the small fridge, and pull out two bottled waters. I toss one to Buffy and open mine with a little difficulty.

"I called Angel," Buffy says quietly. "He said he's gonna dig around and see what he can find out."

"Do ya get the feeling something isn't quite right here, B?" I ask her and she nods her head slowly. "I keep getting this feeling since we've been back, this heavy sinking feeling there is something going on and we're not gonna figure out what it is until people start dropping like flies around here."

"I hope you're wrong."

"And if I'm not?"

"We'll figure it out and put an end to it."

I smile a little at that. She smiles right back at me before she chugs back most of her water. I can't seem to look away from her and when she catches me staring at her a little too long, I turn away and head over to the radio to turn it on. I can feel my cheeks burning and I curse under my breath, wondering when the hell I started blushing over stupid little things. With Buffy back now, everything is a mess inside my head. Past feelings are resurfacing even though I'm trying my hardest to keep them buried.

I just don't know how much longer I can keep this up.

The way I feel about Buffy is a mixed bag. Always has been and that sure hasn't changed now. It's kinda nice she isn't trying to kick my ass and be a total bitch to me though. I know I can't get used to that. Even after what we talked about in LA, I still get the feeling things aren't all a-okay between us. Not yet. Not even sure it'll ever be okay between us.

"Hey, Faith?"

"Yeah, B?"

"Do you think you'll be okay to patrol later?"

"Want me to cover for ya while ya get some beauty sleep, Princess?" I ask her and she laughs.

"No. I want you to come out on patrol with me. Two slayers are better than one. Especially now since we have no idea what we're dealing with yet and we have no idea how many more of those vamps are out there."

"It's a date," I say with a wink. "I'll meet you at yours just before sunset. Don't expect any flowers or anything, B. And just so you know, I do kiss on the first date so you might get lucky tonight."

She knows I'm joking around with her, but it doesn't stop her from getting flustered. She can't hide the blush that's crept over her cheeks as she heads for the door. She stops like she's gonna turn around and say something, but all she does is shake her head and walk out, leaving me alone in the training room with the radio on and my heart pounding like a bitch.

I grip at my chest with my good hand and try to calm down. I can hear my heart pounding in my ears, drowning out the music. Once my heart stops pounding, I can hear the others in the front of the shop. The only one I don't hear talking is Buffy, so I figure she's left already. Whatever is going on between us, the back and forth, it's confusing the hell out of me since I don't know what to make of it.

I grab my jacket and head for the back door, wanting to make a quick escape without facing any of the others. I stop short when the door shuts behind me. Buffy is sitting in the alley on a couple of crates, staring off at nothing as a few tears roll down her cheeks.

"B?"

She doesn't flinch. Doesn't look at me. Another tear falls.

"Buffy?" I try again, trying to shake that déjà vu feeling off since I've already been here with her once. "You okay? Thought you headed home," I say as I take a seat on the crate next to her.

She wipes away at her tears almost angrily and takes a few deep, shuddering breaths. She shakes her head no at my question, but doesn't speak. I don't know whether to stay or leave her be, but I decide to take the chance and stay right there with her.

"Everything feels so different now," Buffy whispers. "It's not like it was before. Home doesn't feel like home." She pauses for a moment, almost as if she's wondering if she should keep talking. "I keep expecting to wake up and find out all of this is just a horrible nightmare."

"Is it really that bad, B?"

"I was happy," she sighs heavily as she looks down at her hands in her lap and I stare at her in confusion. "Wherever I was, I was happy. At peace."

I see the few tears as they try to escape and she's forcing them back with all she's got in her. She doesn't want me to see her cry. Again. My heart is beating quickly now and I'm wondering what it is she's trying to tell me.

"I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time didn't mean anything, nothing had form, but I was still me, you know?" Buffy looks at me for a moment and quickly looks away. "And I was warm, and I was loved, and I was finished. Complete. I don't understand about theology or dimensions, or any of it, really, but I think I was in Heaven."

I don't know why she's telling me any of this, but I have a feeling she hasn't said a word to the others. I try not to let my own emotions get the best of me and just listen. It's all she needs right now is for someone to listen and I just so happen to be that someone.

"And now I'm not," she says, choking up a little. "I was torn out of there. Pulled out by my friends. Everything here is hard, and bright, and violent. Everything I feel, everything I touch…this is hell. Just getting through the next moment, and the one after that…knowing what I've lost..."

She gets up from the crate she's sitting on and turns her back to me. I know she's crying now. I stand up, walk up behind her, and place a hand on her shoulder. She stops walking away and I feel her shudder as she takes a few deep breaths.

"They can never know. Never."

She turns to me and I nod my head with an unspoken promise that what she just confided in me would never be repeated. I don't know what to say to her, but she throws me off guard when she wraps her arms around me and hugs me tight. I take a moment to bask in the feel of Buffy hugging me tight. She feels soft, and although her hug is almost at slayer strength, it feels good. I slowly bring myself to wrap my arms around her body and she sighs as she lays her head on my shoulder. I can't shake this feeling that I'm not the one who should be right here right now with her, holding her after hearing that her friends had ripped her out of Heaven.

I don't move away from her and instead, I hold her tighter. It's not long before I can feel the hot, wet tears on my shoulder and I gently rub her back, trying to get her to stop. This is something I've never done before, comfort someone especially Buffy, but it feels right. Natural. Like this is how it's supposed to be and not the way that it used to be between us. Something changed when Buffy came back, I sensed it right away, but the way she's acting right now just seems to solidify the fact that she's not who she used to be before she died.

I keep expecting her to snap out of it and realize just who she's holding on to tightly. She doesn't though and when she pulls back to look at me, I have to fight the urge to wipe away the tears staining her cheeks. Her eyes are searching mine as if she's trying to find answers to her unspoken questions. Fear and confusion washes over her face as she quickly steps back and out of my arms.

She doesn't say a word as she walks away. I just watch her walk down the alley towards the street and I'm standing here like an idiot with jaw dropped and my whole body feeling like it's glued to the spot.

It takes a few minutes before everything sinks in and the anger replaces the shock I'm feeling in a blink of an eye. I start walking out of the alley and head down to Willy's bar. It's early, but he's always open and I need a drink to calm myself down. I head there with hopes of dulling the thoughts and emotions wreaking havoc on me, and with a lingering hope I'd run into Spike or another vamp I can use as punching bag.

This is turning into one hell of a long morning and it's far from over yet.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

What Buffy confided in me is doing a replay in my head. Over and over and over again. I'm sitting at a table in a dark corner at Willy's with a glass of whiskey, straight up in front of me, untouched. There are a few vamps lingering around, drunk and trying to wait out the sunlight so they can crawl back to whatever dark, dank hole they call home.

I shake as I pick up the glass, but I don't take a sip, I just stare at the amber liquid as it sloshes around inside the glass. I put it back down and breathe in heavily. I just want what she said to stop replaying in my head. Just for a minute. Even a second would be nice.

I can deal with Buffy being back. I can deal with her being traumatized and trying to get over it and trying to fix whatever went wrong between us one day at a time. But I can't deal with knowing she'd been in Heaven and now she's back here, a literal hell on earth in Sunnydale.

"Spike, I'm not in the mood," I say under my breath as Spike sits down in the chair across from me. "Shouldn't you be, oh I don't know, sleeping in your crypt right about now?"

"Should be, yeah," he nods and places his bottle of beer down on the table. "Can't though. Sleep, that is," he says and I roll my eyes and lean back in the chair. "Want to know why that is?"

"No, I really don't."

"Buffy," he says as he raises and eyebrow. "Something's not quite right about her and I think you know exactly what I'm talking about."

"Fine, I'll play," I sigh and I take a sip of my drink. "What's wrong with her?"

"She came back wrong, don't you see?"

"And you know this how, Spike?"

"Just a feeling," he replies and he laughs when I glare at him. "What, I can't get a feeling? Just 'cause I don't have a soul, doesn't mean I don't got intuition about things, Slayer."

I reach across the table and grab him by the front of his shirt before he can even blink. "You back to stalking her, Spike?"

"Watching isn't stalking, Slayer, you know that," he sneers and I pull him until he's within an inch away from my face. "She didn't tell you, did she? We had a little run in last night after you two got back from your little trip down to see Angel."

"Ya got a point here, Spike?" I hiss and I shove him back down to his chair. "Better make it fast," I say as I reach into my jacket and pull out my stake. "My patience with you is wearing thin so fucking fast that I don't give a damn what the other say. I will end you, here and now. So, talk. Fast."

"I could hurt her," he says as he brushes out his shirt. He takes a swig of his beer and scoffs. "Don't you get it, Faith? I could _hurt_ her and this chip of mine didn't fire off."

"It's malfunctioning or something," I reply and I smirk as I give my stake a little wave at him. "All the more reason for me to put you down like the sick, bad little dog you are."

"That's the thing, it's not malfunctioning. I thought the same thing at first. Went off to get me some dinner and bam," he says as he smacks the side of his head and winces, "the bugger went off, same as ever. Not with Buffy though. She's not quite human. Just thought you should know."

I'm on my feet and I have one hand pulling him up by the scruff of his neck and the other holding the stake. I don't even notice the pain until we're separated by a very nervous looking Willy.

"You two know the rules," he says quickly. "No slaying or fighting in here. Scares off the clientele. Call me crazy, but I rely on their business. You two got a problem with each other? Take it outside."

"Are you daft, Willy?" Spike laughs and he points to the single solid line of sunlight streaming in through a crack in one of the boarded up windows. "You want me to walk out to my death just to have a word with a slayer who has a short fuse?"

"Not my problem, buddy. Outside or downstairs. Just not in front of the others," he says as he waves a hand in the general direction of the few patrons sitting at the bar, now paying full attention to us.

Spike motions for me to follow and I grab my drink, staring him down as I take back what's in the glass and inhale sharply as the whiskey burns on its way down. I spin the stake in my hand and tuck it back in my pocket as I walk over to Willy.

"Don't worry," I say as I pat him on the chest. "Not gonna do anything to scare off your precious clientele here, Willy boy."

"You're not welcome here anymore, Slayer," he stammers and I laugh it off and follow Spike to the door that leads to the stairs downstairs.

I follow Spike down the stairs into the dusty, dark basement and over to the hatch that no doubt leads down to the sewers. He opens the door and motions for me to go first. I roll my eyes and jump down, landing on my feet into about two inches of filthy sludge.

"Nice," I groan as I step out of it and onto the ledge that runs down the length of the narrow sewer tunnel. "Couldn't have just had this conversation up there, could we?"

"Too many ears listening," Spike says as he casually lights a cigarette and offers me one from his pack. I shake my head and he shrugs. "Listen, believe what you want, but Buffy came back wrong. Surely you've noticed it with all the "bonding" you've been doing since heading down to LA to see tall, dark and broody himself."

"She's different, I'll give you that much," I reply carefully. "I don't think she's come back "wrong", Spike. She's just…adjusting."

"Call it what you want, Slayer, I know otherwise."

"You know jack squat."

"Do I? Just like I know of your little affection for the certain little blonde slayer, one that blinds you from seeing what's really there."

"My little affection?" I laugh. "What the hell does that even mean, Spike?"

"You're in love with her."

"Got it all wrong."

"No," Spike sneers as he shakes his head and backs me up against the wall. "I'm right and you know it. Have you even admitted it to yourself or are you gonna let it torture you like it did the last time? Drove you mad, didn't it? Feeling that way about her and knowing she never felt the same way."

Can I stake him already? Fucks sake. He's a serious thorn in my side and sure, he's right about how I feel about Buffy and everything, but there's no way in hell he's right about her coming back wrong.

"I'm in the same boat as you are, love," he whispers and the way he says it chills me to the core. "She knows I love her, yet it disgusts her that something like me can feel that way about her. I'm willing to bet if she knew how you felt, she'd think the same way."

"I'm not you, Spike," I snap at him and he chuckles as he backs away from me. "I'm not a monster."

"No? You sure about that?"

"Positive."

"How long has it been?"

"Since?" I ask and he chuckles under his breath as he shakes his head.

"Since you last killed a human."

"Over a year."

"Can't change in a year, Slayer. You may be on a path to redemption, but it doesn't quite work that way. You should know better than that."

"What can I say, Spike? I'm a rebel. I'm not like others that are "like" me. Besides," I say as I pull out the stake and back him up to the wall so quickly the cigarette drops from between his dead lips as I press the tip of the stake against his chest. "What the hell would you know about redemption? Having a chip in your head doesn't make you any better than what you are, Spike. It doesn't make you any better than _me_."

"No, it makes you like me, forced to be something you're not."

"I'm not being forced to do anything."

"A leopard can't change its spots overnight."

"Am I a fucking leopard, Spike? I'm a fucking _human being_. I have a soul. I have a conscience. Just so happens that now I'm listening to said conscious and am fully aware that I have a soul that is fucking begging me to change into a better person here."

"Bang up job you're doing so far," he says, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "No really. You've won the Scoobs over. Giles looks at you like a daughter, his other daughter at least. The one that comes after his beloved Buffy, of course."

"Fuck you, Spike."

He laughs as he lights another cigarette and this time when he offers me one, I take it willingly. I need it to calm me down. I can feel the anger, the hate coursing through my veins and as much as I want to stake him, I know I _can't_.

"Keep a close eye on her, Slayer," he says as he starts to walk down the tunnel.

Whatever he means by that, I'm not gonna take it too seriously. It is _Spike_ after all and I don't trust him. I look around the sewer tunnel before I head left, knowing if I stick to this tunnel, it'll lead right to the Magic Box. After that little conversation with Spike, I'm so not in the mood to be around anyone, human or otherwise.

* * *

><p>The couch in the training room is definitely not comfortable enough to sleep on it for a few hours, but I was tired and just laid down to have a quick little nap. Nobody was at the Magic Box when I got there this morning, except for Anya who was working, tending to the odd customer that strolled through the door. She didn't even know I came back, which is fine by me.<p>

I groan as I get up from the couch and look at the clock on the wall. Ten after five. Slept longer than I planned to. I grab a bottle of water from the fridge, ignoring the hunger pangs as I head to the front of the shop. Anya just closed up for the night and the Scoobs are already sitting around the table, continuing where they left off with the research early this morning. The only one noticeably absent was Buffy.

I help myself to the last donut in the box and I take a seat next to Dawn and Tara. Xander and Anya are whispering quietly to each other, the books open in front of them virtually being ignored. Giles is at the desk, books piled high. He sips from his cup of tea and looks over at me with a slight frown on his face. I grab a book and flip through it, barely looking at the pages. I already know that whatever that vamp was juiced up on, we're not gonna find out about it in some book.

I shake my head as I look around at the Scoobs. They have no idea what they've done to Buffy. I wonder how they'd feel if they knew they pulled her out of Heaven. I want to tell them, but I can't do that to Buffy. She confided in me and told me that they can never know. They're gonna find out eventually, but it's not gonna be from me. I gotta earn Buffy's trust somehow.

The bell over the door jingles and I look over as Buffy walks in carrying a couple boxes of pizza. She smiles as she places the boxes down on the table over the pile of books and shrugs off her jacket. Xander is the first to reach for a slice, mumbling his thanks of bringing food. The others dive in, grateful for a pizza break.

There's small talk about plans for Halloween that's in just a few short weeks. Anya is planning to go all out, decking the Magic Box in generic Halloween decorations and the works. Halloween has never appealed to me, but Anya keeps asking me if I'll help her and the Scoobs out since that day is the busiest day of the year for the Magic Box. I shrug and agree, figuring what's the worst thing that could happen? Have a little fun, put on a scary mask and scare some kids just for fun. All a part of the Halloween spirit.

I find something wrong about the fact that it's barely been a week since Buffy has been back and they're all acting like she's never been dead and that they resurrected her. I can't sit here with them any longer and I grab my jacket and walk out the front door, ignoring the calls from the Scooby gang asking me where I'm going.

The sun is still out when I step outside and I chew the last bite of pizza quickly as I slip on my jacket. The streets are quiet, void of people for the most part, the odd car driving down, never slowing, never stopping, acting like all the driver of the car wants to do it get the hell outta town.

"Faith?" Buffy calls out as she walks out of the Magic Shop. "Faith, where are you going?"

"Anywhere but here," I reply with a shrug, but I stop and turn to face her. "Don't you find this whole act they're pulling a load of shit, B?"

"What are you talking about?"

"The way they're acting like everything is fine! They're acting like you were never dead and gone, B. Fuck. I don't know about you, but I'm definitely not okay with them acting like that."

"You weren't here when Giles laid it on them," Buffy says sharply. "You weren't here when he brought Dawn to tears or when he yelled at Willow for being stupid to use that spell to bring me back."

"No, I wasn't there for that. Wished I was."

"What's gotten into you, Faith?"

"What, B?" I snap at her and I start walking with her following right on my heels. "Don't like that I'm looking at the whole picture here? Don't like that I see things for how they are and that I ain't pretending the last four months didn't happen?"

"No, I-"

"Had a little run in with Spike this morning, but I'm betting it's nothing like the little run in you two had."

All the colour drains from her face and she grabs on to my arm, pulling me into the back alley. She looks around, looking scared, but then in seconds she looks majorly pissed off. I smirk before I light a cigarette and take a few easy steps back from her. I want to keep my distance with the angry little slayer loses it and needs something or someone-namely me-to punch.

"What did he tell you?"

"A lot of things," I reply easily. Buffy starts to pace back and forth in front of me, glaring at me as she does. "One thing sticks out the most. Bet you can guess what that is. No," I say quickly before she can respond. "Let me. He told me something pretty interesting, pretty fucked up too. Thinks you came back wrong 'cause that chip of his didn't fire off when he hit you."

"Faith, don't."

"See, I've spent four months with Spike hanging around, being a pain in my ass and a thorn in my side, but I've seen how that chip in his head affects him. I've seen him hit a human before and how much screaming pain he was in. It just doesn't stop working. Not unless you're not human."

"Stop."

"So, what are you?" I ask her and I move quickly, backing her up against the chain-link fence that surrounds one of the many abandoned houses along this stretch. "What the _hell_ are you, Buffy?"

"I'm _me_!" She yells into my face.

She's pissed, really pissed, but I don't care. What Spike said is bugging me. Everything is bugging me. This is not how life is supposed to be, yet I don't even know _how_ it's supposed to be. It just feels wrong the way it is right now. She grabs onto the front of my jack, spins around and pushes me back, catching me off-guard as I stumble back into an opening in the chain-link fence. She pushes me again, but I stand with my feet firmly on the ground. I should've seen the hard right hook coming before I felt it.

Finally the beat down I've been expecting is coming. How fucking awesome. Doesn't mean I'm not prepared to fight back. No way in hell am I letting a tiny angry slayer kick my ass just 'cause she's pissed off at me and the rest of the world right now.

I punch her back, not slayer strength, but hard enough to show her I'm not gonna stand here and just take it from her without fighting back. Buffy tackles me and we go crashing through the boarded up doorway. I struggle to get to my feet, but she's too quick. She grabs the front of my jacket and flings me across the empty room. I land against the wall hard, the wind nearly being knocked outta me. She's playing rough. I'm game.

"He was right then, wasn't he? You came back wrong, didn't you?"

"Shut up."

"How's it feel, B?"

"Go to hell."

I throw the first punch this time, hoping it'll knock some sense into her. All it does is make her angrier. I chuckle softly as I walk circles around her, watching her, waiting for her next move.

"All I want is to feel," she whispers. "Maybe he is right, Faith. Maybe I did come back wrong. Nothing feels like it did before. I can't feel happy or anything good. All I feel is so god damn angry all the time."

Okay, so not what I expected. Then again, I don't know what I expected when she turned into the angry little slayer I haven't seen since before I went to prison.

"You don't know what it's like not to be able to feel anything," she says and she surprises me with a kick to my stomach that sends me flying into the staircase.

"Bet this feels good, B. Kicking my ass like old times," I smirk as I get to my feet. "You and me? We're not so different."

"We are different. I'm _nothing_ like you. I will never be like you."

I shake my head, disagreeing with her. She doesn't see it. She doesn't see how much alike we really, truly are. She's dishing out pain 'cause she's hurting inside. She wants to hurt me so she can feel something, anything other than the pain she's feeling right now. I know how she feels, not entirely since I didn't die and come back from Heaven. I watch her, standing my ground, breathing heavily. She charges at me, grabs me by my shoulders, and flings me across the room. I roll across the wooden floor, trying to break the fall as much as I can.

I don't want to do this with her. I don't want to fight. I hold up my hands as I get to my feet, but she's right there in front of me again and she tries to throw another hard right hook to my head. I move quickly and stop her, grabbing on to her fist and reaching for her other hand before she can make another move.

"Buffy, stop," I plead. "Why are you doing this? Why are you fighting me?"

She shakes her head and pulls her hands free of my grip. I can tell she isn't gonna answer me, but I'm fine with that since I _know_ why she's fighting me. The truth hurts and she's dishing out the pain she's feeling.

I block every punch she throws my way and avoid the kicks she throws in between punches. She's determined to kick my ass, but I'm not gonna let her. I manage to grab a hold of her and I fling her away from me, sending her crashing into one of the posts. The plaster cracks and I'm right there in front of her, holding her there, hoping she'll calm down. She's breathing heavily and there are tears in her eyes. Angry tears. They don't fall and I can tell she's holding them back with all that she has.

"You're lost, aren't you, B?" I ask her and she shakes her head no as she pushes me away.

"I'm not the one who is lost, Faith," she says with a sneer. "You're supposed to be the bad slayer. Everyone is supposed to hate you, not forgive you and act like you've done nothing wrong. You haven't changed; you've just let yourself lose who you truly are."

"You're wrong," I say through gritted teeth. "I changed who I was 'cause I hated what I'd become. How many fucking times are we gonna go through this, B?"

"As many times as it takes."

I laugh and it sets something off inside of her. She charges at me again and throws me into the brick fireplace behind me. I hit it hard and groan in pain as I sit there for a couple seconds. I'm back on my feet and I'm right in her face.

"You know something, B? I wasn't gonna stand here and let you kick my ass to hell and back. I wasn't even planning on hurting you. Much," I say and she gets a punch in so I punch her right back.

"You haven't even come close to hurting me."

"That so?" I ask as I watch the blood trickle from her now split lip. "Thought that's what you wanted, B? You want to feel physical pain 'cause you can't feel anything else."

She grabs the front of my shirt and spins me around. She backs me up to the post and pins herself against me. I can feel her heart beating against my chest. I can feel her breath on my lips. I can practically taste the anger brewing inside of her. I can do nothing other than stand right where I am with her pressed up against me. I just stare at her, waiting for whatever is coming next. A punch. Another kick. More words meant to hurt me or throw me off so she can catch me off-guard and hurt me some more.

I open my mouth to say something, but her lips are on mine and she's kissing me hard. I pull back and look at her, wondering what the hell she's thinking right now. She only grabs my head with both hands and kisses me again. My brain kicks into overdrive and I kiss her back just as hard. I can feel how angry she is by the way she's kissing me. I grip at her hips as she spins us around and tries to push me away.

"Buffy?" I whisper, my lips numb, her name feeling foreign on my lips.

I'm the one who moves forward and kisses her again. I moan when I feel her tongue desperately searching out for mine. The kiss is heated. Wild. And I want more.

My hands are gripping her waist, almost afraid to move anywhere else but there. I don't know what's going on or why she's kissing me when we're supposed to be kicking each other's asses for a multitude of reasons here. I want to stop, take a step back, calm down and figure this out. Yet at the same time, I don't want to stop-I can't.

Buffy pulls back from my lips, panting hard as she slams me up against the wall by the broken stairs. I feel the plaster crack behind me and she grabs my left hand, gripping my wrist tightly as she pulls it away from her waist. I can hear the building cracking all around us. The floor is shaking and I know this place is gonna fall apart any second now. My breath gets caught in my throat when I feel her unzip my jeans. She shoves her hand inside and plunges two fingers inside of me, hard.

I bite my lower lip, trying to remember how to breathe, trying to make sense of how we got here with her hand inside my pants and two fingers buried knuckle deep inside of me.

Buffy takes my hand she's still gripping tight on to and guides it along her thigh, up the slit along her leather skirt. Her skin is smooth. Warm. I pull her skirt to the side with my free hand as she lets go of the other. I trail my fingertips along her inner thigh, feeling her quiver beneath my fingertips. She grips on to my arm and I take it as a sign to keep going. I brush my index finger along her panties. She's soaked. She thrusts her fingers hard inside of me as I slip my hand under the edge of her panties.

She moves to grip the back of my neck as I thrust two fingers knuckle deep inside of her. Her lips are on mine, kissing me hungrily as I match her rhythm, fucking her hard and deep. I push myself away from the wall and she loses her balance, falling back and taking me right with her. We land on the floor and it gives away, but we don't stop as we hit the hard cement floor in the basement with the condemned building falling apart all around us.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

I keep thinking I'm dreaming. That's gotta be what's happening here 'cause in the real world, Buffy would never let me get close enough to kiss her, to touch her. I pull back from her lips and hold my breath as I stare down at her. She's still angry, but not near as much as a few minutes ago. I breathe in deeply, not moving much as Buffy lies beneath me breathing heavily, her heart racing in time with mine. She closes her eyes as I exhale slowly, my breath tickling over her lips.

The dust and debris have settled since we crashed through the floor and landed in the basement. I take a moment to really just look deep into her eyes, searching for some kind of an answer or a reason why this is all happening. There's a certain fire in her eyes I haven't seen before and damn, I'd be lying if I said it isn't turning me on.

"Fuck, you okay, B?" I pant softly as her fingers slick over me a few times before she pulls her hand out of my pants. "That was something else, huh?"

"I'm fine."

I raise an eyebrow as I wiggle the fingers I still have buried inside of her. She moans as she grips my back and I can feel her nails digging through my clothes. I lift up from her a little as I move my fingers in and out of her slowly, wondering when the hell she's gonna snap outta it and throw me off of her.

"Harder," she whispers as her hands go to the back of my head. "Fuck me harder, Faith."

Well, damn.

"B?"

"Stop talking," she hisses as she grabs my hair and jerks my head back a little. "Stop talking and fuck me, Faith."

I bite my lip as I move to get a little bit more leverage before I do what she's asking me. I look down at her as she closes her eyes and moans every time I thrust my fingers hard inside of her. I want her clothes off. I stop thinking as I stop fucking her and I place a finger over her lips, shushing her before she can utter words of protest. I pull her skirt up and yank her panties down. A few pieces of wood crash to the floor as they fall from above, but I move down her body, ignoring the destruction around us and focusing all my attention on her.

She's shaking, but I know it's not 'cause she's afraid of what's happening or 'cause she's hurt. She wants me to fuck her and damn if I'm gonna say no to that. I trail my hands over her thighs, my eyes following my hands as I move them upwards slowly. She sucks in a deep breath as my fingers slip under the hem of her shirt. Her skin is warm and soft and I want to spend hours discovering every little inch of her hot little body.

My fingers are shaking as I unbutton her shirt. I'm never like this. I'm never _nervous_ when it comes to sex. This is one thing I'm damn good at. But it's been awhile, and by awhile, I mean since before I went to prison and I can't even remember the last time I was with a woman, but that doesn't matter now. I have Buffy beneath me, practically begging me to fuck her and what am I doing? Thinking like some kind of fucking…virgin. Jesus, what's wrong with me? Must've hit my head falling through the floor, or at some point before that with Buffy kicking my ass and all.

I lean forward as I lift up her camisole, exposing her flat stomach. I kiss her softly, as I raise her shirt up slowly, unbuttoning the last two buttons as I do. Her hands slide into my hair and she gives me a gentle tug, pulling me away from her delicious skin. She doesn't speak as I sit back and she sits up and instead she shrugs out of her jacket and guides my hands under her shirt, giving me a little nod of encouragement before I get the hint and pull the offending clothes off of her with ease.

I'm not about to let her be the only one to strip. I pull off my jacket and my shirt and fling them back, really not giving a fuck where they landed in all the debris. I still have my bra on and Buffy grunts as she reaches around behind me and unclasps it with ease. She licks over her lips and it switches on something inside of me. I kiss her, hungry for more as we fight for the upper hand. She flips us over until she's straddling my lap with me sitting upright.

I move my lips away from hers and over her neck as my fingers work on unzipping the small zipper on her skirt. There's no way to get it off her with the position we're in and somehow she gets the hint and allows me to take control again as I lay her back on the cold, hard floor. As soon as her skirt is off, all she has left are her knee high boots and fuck, just the sight of her nearly made me cum in my pants.

She grabs my hand before I can get out of my pants. I know the look she's giving me all too well. She needs to cum. Now. I let her guide my hand to her pussy and I thrust two fingers in her with ease as she spreads her legs for me. I lean forward on one hand, my hair falling down over her face. I can feel her hot breath on my lips as I fuck her nice and deep, keeping my pace steady, but fucking her just hard enough to made her moan and shudder and cling to my back with her nails digging hard into my skin.

I close my eyes when I feel her hands move to the waist of my jeans. She tugs then down hard and manages to get them mostly off. I pull my saturated fingers out from inside of her and I quickly pull my jeans off the rest of the way, taking my boots off for good measure. She takes one look at me and my lips are on hers and my fingers buried deep inside of her once again.

Her nails are digging into my lower back as I fuck her hard. I use my thumb to circle over her clit and in seconds, I feel her tighten around my fingers. She's so damn close. I tear my lips away from hers with much difficulty and move down to her neck. I suck on her pulse point, feeling the skin beneath my lips quiver and pulse in time to her racing heart. I bite down on her neck as her orgasm rumbles through her body. I don't stop fucking her.

"Fuck," she moans as she throws her head back and I lick over the skin I just bit and look at her. Her eyes are closed and she has the sexiest little half smile dancing over her lips. "Fuck," she moans again and I stop this time, easing my fingers out of her slowly since I know she's gotta be wicked tender right now after being fucked like that.

I lay on my side next to her, not taking my eyes off her as I bring my fingers to my lips and lick them clean. She tastes so fucking good and I want more. So much more. I'm so far from being done with her and if this is the only chance I got to have what I want with her, then I'm gonna milk it for all it's worth before she comes back to her senses and beats the ever living shit out of me for doing this to her.

"B?" I whisper as I drop my hand away from my mouth and let it rest on her stomach.

"Hmm?"

I smirk as I lean down and kiss her lips lightly. "B?" I try again and she scrunches up her nose and I laugh a little.

"Shh," she shushes me as she places a hand over mine that is still resting on her stomach. "I'm basking. Let me bask for a second here."

"You're fucking beautiful," I murmur, unable to stop myself. "Then again, I bet you heard that your whole life."

"But never from you," she whispers with that half smile that makes my heart melt.

I give her another couple of seconds to bask before I move my lips to her collar bone. I kiss her lightly over her shoulders and her neck before I move my lips down across her pert breasts. I circle each hard nipple with my tongue and close my eyes when she moans her approval of what I'm doing to her. I trail my hand down her stomach as I move to straddle her right leg. I want to take it slow, but the insistent throbbing between my legs is telling me "fuck that".

I trail my tongue down the length of her stomach, stopping to circle around her bellybutton. As soon as I do that, her hands are in my hair, gripping hard. I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that she likes the attention right there. Gonna bet anything she's gonna love where I'm going next.

"Faith," she whispers and she sounds so sexy when she says my name like that, her voice so heavy with arousal.

The floor is rough on my knees, but I don't let it bother me as I run my hands up her smooth legs. I lay my body on her skirt that's lying beneath us and I breathe in deeply. I stare up at her and she's leaning up on her elbows, staring right down at me. I smirk as I lightly trail a finger the length of her slit and watch as she trembles when I hit all the right spots.

I hear a few bricks fall upstairs as I lean in slowly. I keep my eyes locked with hers as I dip my head lower and inhale sharply. She's so fucking wet right now and I wanna show her what it's like to be fucked by a slayer. Not some beefstick, not some vampire, but a slayer, a woman-namely me.

I use my tongue and lick the length of her slit and I take a moment just to taste her. Now I've gone down on other women before, but nobody ever tasted like this. Sweet almost and so completely salivating. I grip on her hips and pull her closer to me. Her legs fall open as I wrap my lips around her clit and suck. My eyes are still locked with hers, but with another suck and a bite, she throws her head back and moans loudly. Fucking music to my ears.

I slip my tongue down to her hole and slide it inside, fucking her as deeply as I can manage at this angle. I grip her hips tighter, not holding myself back. for once I don't need to hold back and my mind is going crazy with the things I wanna do with her right now, things that just aren't possible with a normal human being. The faster I fuck her with my tongue, the harder I have to grip her hips to keep her still.

I pull back when my lungs feel like they're about to burst. Buffy wastes no time in grabbing on to my arms and pulling me up on top of her. She hesitates for a split second before she kisses me with heady desire and I let her take control just for a minute. And just for that moment, I lose myself in the feel of her lips against mine, the feel of her tongue dancing with mine, her teeth biting at my lip whenever we need to take a breath.

And the moment she flips us over and she tops me, I can just tell it's gonna be one helluva long night. She's far from done and so am I. I don't wanna think it, but I can already tell I've met my match in bed-or to be precise, on the floor of a condemned building with it still falling apart around us.

* * *

><p>I groan softly as I open my eyes and see slivers of daylight making its way through the boards over the basement windows. I stretch out over the bed we somehow managed to make with our clothes and I can feel every love bite she's left behind from last night. She's definitely a demon in the sack, that's for sure, and I find it pretty damn surprising too.<p>

I look over at Buffy as she lies next to me, sleeping soundly as she lies on her stomach with her head turned away from me. After all that happened last night, I gotta wonder how the hell we got here. Sure, these kinds of things just happen with just about anyone else, but not with Buffy and me.

"Ugh," she groans as she turns her head to look at me with heavy lidded eyes. "What time is it?"

"Dunno, but it's early," I reply with a small smile.

She blinks a few times before she rolls onto her back and looks down at her body. She looks over at me as I lay here naked next to her and her eyes go wide. Not with arousal, but with shock. Buffy bolts up off the ground and starts scrambling for her clothes, pulling on her skirt so quickly she nearly falls over. I just lay here on my clothes and stare at her. I can't do anything else and I don't know what to say. She's freaking out over what happened between us, understandably.

"B?" I say softly as I sit up and look at her as she buttons up her shirt once she has it on. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? What's _wrong_?" She laughs bitterly as she grabs one of her boots and slides it on. "Everything we did last night was wrong, Faith!"

"Nah, there was a helluva lot of good thrown in there too. Besides, I didn't hear you complaining when ya whispered all those naughty little things to me while I fucked ya good. Dozens of times."

"Ugh," she groans loudly as she finds her other boot and pulls it on, the sound of the zipper almost deafening. "You are just so full of yourself, aren't you? Walking around acting like you've changed, when you're still the same deep down inside."

I shake my head as I start to get dressed and I stop her from trying to find a way out of the basement since the stairs are long gone. I spot her white lacy panties and pick them up, tucking them into my back pocket as I walk over to her.

"You're just swimming in the river of denial right now, ain't ya, B?"

"No."

"You loved every last second of it," I whisper as I grab on to her hand and step closer to her. "Kinda knew you kicking my ass was some kinky form of foreplay for ya."

She backhands me, but I don't let go of her hand. I tighten my grip as I pull her in to me. With my free hand, I slide it inside the slit of her skirt and move quickly to cup her pussy. She's wet, there's no denying that and all I can do is smirk as she moans and spreads her legs a little bit.

"Admit it, B. you enjoyed what I did to you last night. Hell, you even enjoyed what you did to me. I got the bites and bruises to prove it."

"Go to hell."

I don't let go of her as I circle my fingers over her clit and lean in and capture her lips with mine in a hard, hungry kiss. She's not fighting me; she's kissing me back just as hard. It doesn't last long. Not like I expect it to. She pushes me away roughly and steps back, breathing hard.

"This is _not_ going to happen again," she says as she grabs her jacket and puts it on.

"Good thing I got these to remind me of last night," I say with a smirk as I pull her panties outta my pocket and dangle them at her. She grunts in disgust and grabs them from me before she bolts to where the stairs once stood.

I just stand there in my jeans and bra and watch her as she hoists herself up to the first floor, the sound of her walking along what's left of the floor echoing through the building. It takes a few minutes before everything sinks in.

And it hits me like I just ran head first into a brick wall.

I get dressed in the rest of my clothes and pull myself out of the basement. My heart is thudding against my chest, but my body feels numb. I feel used. Now I know how the people I used to use for one night and kick them to the curb felt. Definitely not the best feeling in the world, I know that, but to feel that now? With Buffy of all people? Might as well take the knife she stuck in my gut and stick it in my heart.

I light a cigarette soon as I'm outside. The morning sun is bright and I know it's warm, just can't feel it. I stay by the door, cowering in the shadows like I'm Spike-or another vamp that's just come off a heavy bender or something. It takes me awhile before I can move away, step out into the sunlight and head home.

I think of Buffy's reaction once she realized what happened last night as I walk the quiet streets of Sunnydale. It's stupid to have thought she would be okay with what went down. With all that she's been through, with being dead and resurrected and all, I was stupid to think that spending all night fucking me would register as okay in her head. I'm blinded by what I feel for her, that's the problem. I should've stopped it before it happened, yet I didn't 'cause I'm a fucking idiot.

I'm not about to deny I didn't enjoy it. Fuck, it probably was the best night of my entire existence.

Can't say I'm not relieved that Giles is passed out on the couch when I get to the apartment. I grab a bottle of water out of the fridge and head for the bathroom, only realizing just how sore my entire body is once I shut and lock the door behind me. I turn on the water in the tub, letting the steam fill the bathroom as I strip out of my clothes. I need a hot shower, to relieve the pain and to wash away what's left of the memories, the smells, the feel of Buffy's hands, lips and tongue all over my body.

Nothing, not even a hot shower is gonna wipe away what happened between us. If it was anyone else other than Buffy, I wouldn't be going through this right now. Fuck. What is with her? Why does she have this effect on me? It's like I want to hate her, I want to push her away and say "you're on your own, bitch" but I can't. With Buffy, I'm in too deep. She's a part of my soul whether she likes it or not and she's the keeper of my heart whether she cares or not.

"So stupid," I mutter under my breath as I step under the hot spray of the water.

"Faith, is that you?" I hear Giles call out as he knocks on the door.

"Nah, it's the fucking Tooth Fairy, G," I reply with a dry laugh.

"Did you just get in?"

"Five minutes ago."

I don't hear anything so I shrug and grab the shampoo bottle. I hear him walk away from the bathroom door as I work the shampoo into my hair. All it takes is one deep inhale to realize that all these months since I've been back in Sunnydale, I've been using the same damn shampoo Buffy always used without realizing it. I shake my head and rinse my hair quickly. What the hell is going on with me? Is this what love is? It can't be. It can't if it's making me feel the way I did before shit went down and I turned against Buffy and her little Scooby gang.

I shower quickly and after I've dried off, I get dressed in the clothes I came home in. I find Giles sitting in his chair sipping a cup of tea when I walk out into the living room. He's not alone either. There's a woman sitting on the couch and from what I can tell, she's not a friend but barely an acquaintance and she's here on business, not pleasure. So to speak.

"Ah, Faith, please sit down," Giles says, gesturing for me to take a seat on the couch next to this strange woman. I don't move from where I'm standing. "This is Selwyn, a member of the Coven out of Spain. She's come with some information regarding the vampires you and Buffy encountered last night and she also has some other surprising information."

"That so?" I ask as I eye the woman up and down.

She's dressed plainly and looks about sixty years old. Her grey hair is pulled back into a messy bun and her eyes are worn, showing the tell-tale signs of knowing things no human should ever know. What, I learned a lot from Angel. Our prison visits weren't all for shits and giggles. He told me a lot of things, taught me far more than I can ever thank him for, and one of those things is how to read people.

I don't know if I'm in the mood for this right now, but slayer business is slayer business. Always comes at the most inconvenient times.

"You are troubled, child," she says, her voice quiet yet hoarse. "You've been through far too much for someone of your age."

"That's life, lady. And I am not a child. Far from it."

"Call me Sel," she says calmly and flashes a quick, toothless smile. "Now, regarding business. The vampires you encountered outside of town, they're working for the Immortal."

I laugh. How original. How boring.

"You underestimate what the Immortal is," Selwyn continues and I shrug. "He is unlike anything you've ever faced before. History paints him as a peaceful being, but times are changing. There is something trying to rise from beneath, become corporeal, as it was hundreds of thousands of years ago. I trust your Watcher has told you about the First Evil."

"Dianna told me a bit, yeah. So what, this Immortal guy is working for the First?" I ask and I glance over at Giles and he looks a bit spooked. "Who is this guy and how do I kill him before he does the First's dirty work?"

"You have no idea what is coming, child," Selwyn says as she shakes her head sadly. "The Immortal is called just that because he cannot be killed. Not by human, not by demon, fated to live all eternity even when and if humanity fades out."

"Don't ya think Buffy should be here for this?" I ask Giles and he nods his head slowly. "Well?"

"The other slayer is not needed at the moment," Selwyn says calmly. "You are far stronger and you carry the line. The other does not. She's not near as strong as she was before and her soul is barely hanging on by a thread. Yes, we know far too much, but that's a blessing and a curse for my kind."

"Who is this guy?" I sigh, not feeling too good about this situation right now. "There a way to throw him outta town, bury him a hundred feet under or sink him to the bottom of the ocean or what?"

Selwyn laughs and I see Giles smile just a little. "I see why you speak highly of her, Rupert. She has a lot of fire in her soul. The Immortal is a man you've already met, Faith," she says and she stares right at me with a piercing, almost cold stare. "He goes by many names, originates from my home country of Spain. The last we heard was about ten months ago he came here to Sunnydale using the name Roman Atanacio."

Great. Knew there was something off about this guy, just didn't think I'd find out about it like this. Especially not after the night I've just had.

I want to ask her about Olivia, but I know she's just a human. A human who definitely knows what her boyfriend really is. I'm thinking it's time I get that job at the Bronze, keep an eye on her and on Roman. If what Selwyn says is true and from what I know about the First Evil, things are definitely gonna turn to shit real fast, real bad.

Just another day in Sunnydale.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

Giles and the gang are all pouring through a pile of old books with Selwyn in the front of the Magic Box and I'm hanging out in the back room, beating the heavy bag and drowning out the rest of the world with Black Sabbath blaring from the radio. The only one missing is Buffy and from what Dawn was blabbering about when she showed up with Willow and Tara earlier, Buffy had a long night fighting a nest of vamps and needed to sleep it off.

That right there was my cue to escape back to the training room, treating it like my sanctuary 'cause in a weird way, it's what it has become to me since I've been here. Doubt that'll change now that Buffy is back. It's still my space as much as it is hers.

I stop beating the bag, the echoing sounds of my heart beating almost in time to the music is ringing in my ears. I pull off the gloves and toss them to the floor in front of the swaying bag. As soon as they hit the floor, I know I'm no longer alone back here.

"Ya gonna stick to the shadows all day there, B?" I ask before I turn around and see her standing by the back door. "What are you, a vamp now or something?"

"Very funny, Faith."

"I'm a regular comedienne," I smirk and I walk over to the radio and shut it off. "What's up?"

"How come nobody told me about what's going on?"

"You mean with the Immortal being in town with vamps working for him while he plays the part of the First Evil's lap dog?"

"Yeah, that."

"You ain't the only slayer around, B."

She crosses her arms over her chest and I mirror her, keeping my distance even though every inch of me wants to walk right up to her and smack some sense into her. I'm getting tired of her mood swings. They're pissing me right the fuck off and after last night, I'm not about to stand down and let her talk to me like I am the second-string slayer.

Buffy eyes me up and down and she slowly licks over her bottom lip, smirking when she catches me staring at her intensely. I can't help it. Not after last night. Not after all the naughty things she whispered in my ear and the things she did to me that still has my engine revving.

"What, B?" I ask, smirking as she drops her arms to her side. "Got something ya wanna say?"

"Did you tell anyone about last night?"

"Nah," I reply calmly. "Why would I?"

"You're the type to brag about your conquests."

I bite my tongue. There's so much I want to say to her right now, but I just can't. I don't wanna add any more fuel to the fire burning inside of her. Things are fucked up enough as it is.

"Don't you _ever_ tell anyone about last night."

"Didn't plan to, B," I say with a small smile. "Besides, even if I did, who the hell would believe me anyway?"

"You say one word about last night, about what we did, I will kill you."

"It'd be worth it," I chuckle bitterly. "It was only the best night of my life."

So much for biting my tongue.

She backhands me hard and I stand my ground. I can see the fire in her eyes and I know she's just itching for a fight. I stop her when she goes to send a hard punch to my face and I grab both of her hands and back her up against the wall.

"Ain't you tired of this game we play, B? Fighting all the fucking time and over what? Some pissing contest on who is the alpha slayer?"

"Go to hell."

"Not today, but yeah, I'm definitely going there when my time is up. But," I say as I press my body into hers and tighten my grip on her wrists, "we're gonna talk about this. We're gonna settle whatever shit is between us and move on."

"Not that easy."

"Nothing ever is. Not with us."

"There is no _us_, Faith."

"We're slayers. We're both on the Hellmouth, working side by side whether you like it or not. That makes an _us_ right there, don't you think?"

She groans softly as I press my body just a little harder into hers. I can feel her all over and with our slayer connection, my entire body is buzzing and driving me a little crazy.

"Get off me," she says under her breath, yet makes no move to push me back. It's not like she can't get out of the hold I have her in. She's always been just a little bit stronger than me.

"We're gonna talk," I say tightly, loosening my grip on her wrists just a little. "And I wanna say one thing first. I'm fucking tired of the bullshit with you, tired of your fucking mood swings. One minute you're all nice and shit and the next it's like we're right back where we were before I went to prison. And let's just make a little note that I went to prison for _you_ 'cause you asked me to!"

Yeah, let's just open the Pandora's Box and get it all outta the way. Why the hell not? No time better than right now.

"That was more than one thing," Buffy says with a sneer. "You wanna talk? Fine, we'll talk. Get off of me first."

I let go of her wrists and take a step back, but I stay close enough to stop her if she decides to talk with her fists instead of her mouth. What she does next catches me off guard. She grabs me and spins me around, slamming me against the wall hard. Her mouth is on mine; kissing me so hard and deep I can feel the passion burning in her deep in my bones.

If this is her way of talking, I'll take it over the bitchy crap that seems to spew outta her mouth when she's in one of these moods.

I pull on her hair a little, trying to slow her down. It's not that I don't enjoy her possessing me this way, kissing me until it physically hurts, I just wanna slow down. She gets the hint and backs off a bit, keeping her lips against mine in a slow, gentle kiss. I feel like I'm floating on cloud nine now, feeling her body pressed so close to mine, the feel of her lips and the way her tongue keeps dancing around against mine. It almost feels like this is not new, that we've been doing this with each other our whole damn lives.

I move my hands from the back of her head, trailing them down her back slowly. She arches in to me and moans as I grab her ass. She moves a thigh between my legs and I pull in to me as close as I can. I feel her hands trail over my hips, up my sides and back down again. I feel her warm fingers as she slips her hands under my shirt. I pull back from her lips, gasping for air, but she doesn't let me stray for very long. She grips at my waist, her nails digging in to my skin as her lips find their way right back to mine again.

I'm digging the whole girl-on-girl thing she's got going on right now. Never thought she'd have it in her. And just like last night, I'm gonna go with it and enjoy it, 'cause who the hell knows if this will happen again. With Buffy, you never do know for sure.

She bites down on my lower lip as she unbuttons my jeans, slides her hand in-no, more like shoves it inside my pants, and grabs my pussy over the thin panties I'm wearing. She growls a little as she pulls back from my lips and stares hard into my eyes.

"Not going commando today, Faith?"

The tone in her voice is teasing, yet it's also dripping with sarcasm. I shove my hand down the front of her pants for good measure and I raise an eyebrow when I feel nothing stopping me from slipping my fingers inside her folds.

"Looks like you are," I smirk at her. I lean in to her ear and whisper, "if I didn't know any better, B, I'd think you wanted this to happen again."

"Stop," she says softly, her voice trembling as I circle my fingers over her clit.

"You don't want me to stop."

"Stop fucking talking," she snaps and she moves her fingers past my panties and slams two in straight away, making me jolt a little at the sudden intrusion.

"What, you want a little repeat of last night, B? All ya had to do is ask nicely, Princess."

I don't wanna tell her this whole taking what she wants how she wants it thing is turning me on tremendously. I kind of get the feeling she already knows.

I tease her, still circling over her clit when I know she just wants me to fuck her nice and hard with my fingers as she's doing to me. If I learned anything about her last night, she _loves_ to be teased until she just can't stand it anymore and begs for me to fuck her.

But then I remember the whole gang is just outside the door. Granted, they probably can't hear us since we're both trying to keep quiet, but that doesn't mean one of them won't come back here any minute now. I stop teasing her and slide one finger deep inside of her. She stops fucking me and sighs contently. I use my free hand to roam over Buffy's small pert ass. I'd do just about anything to get us both naked and writhing on the floor right now.

Last night and today is gonna forever be burned into my memory. Every nasty, naughty thing we did to each other is gonna fuel the imagination on those lonely nights in the future when it's just me and my five-fingered friend looking for release after a good slay.

I hear footsteps just outside the door and I pull away from her as quickly as I can. If we're caught, she'll probably kill me-or the more likely will happen and she'll tell whoever walks in on us that I attacked her. See, I know how Buffy works and even though she was the one to initiate this whole thing, she'll be the last one in the world to admit that she wanted this as much as I do.

"I meant what I said before," she says under her breath as she straightens her clothes. "Don't you dare tell a single soul about this, Faith."

"Lips are sealed," I reply as I zip up my pants. "You want another go, you know where to find me," I say with a wink just as the door opens and Willow walks into the training room with a box of pizza.

"Hey," she says smiling as she walks over to the table sitting next to the couch and puts the pizza down. "Everything okay back here?"

"We were just-"

"Sparring. Barely got started," I finish quickly for Buffy. Her face is flushed and I know mine is too and I know Willow is staring at both of us wondering what the hell we were doing before she walked in. "Thanks for the grub, Red. Who bought this time?"

"Giles. We're having a little break."

"Have you found anything?" I ask her as I take a seat on the couch and grab a slice of pizza. Buffy hasn't moved from where she's standing since Willow came into the room. She looks rather pissed off. Don't blame her. I'm feeling a little pissed we were interrupted too.

"Not much more than what Selwyn already told us about him," she replies with a frown. "Are you two going on patrol tonight?"

"No," I reply quickly as Buffy says yes. "I gotta head down to the Bronze soon and see if Olivia can hook me up with that job."

"Right, the bartending job. Ooh, if you work the same shift as her, you can keep an eye on Roman when and if he comes around."

"Duh, Red, that's the plan. Besides, I _do_ need a job and this works out perfectly, you know?"

Willow smiles at me and heads for the door. "Let me know how it turns out?" She asks and I nod, smiling right back at her. "Buffy, are you okay?"

"Just tired, Will. Hell of a fight with that nest of demons last night."

"I thought it was a nest of vamps?"

Buffy frowns. "Sorry, yeah, vamps. But honestly, what difference does it make? All in all, a nest is gone. I'd consider that a job well done."

Willow nods and leaves us alone. I shake my head in disbelief as Buffy joins me on the couch. She's lying to her friends and yeah, I get why, but I don't get how easily she can just lie to them. The Buffy I used to know never lied to her friends-okay, so she lied to them about Angel when he came back from hell, but that's the only time I know about.

"So, you're going to take a job bartending at the Bronze?" Buffy asks and I nod my head and take another bite of my pizza. "Oh. So, what happens with patrol?"

"Looks like you get to be the number one slayer on that front, B. Just like you wanted it to be."

"I didn't want it to be like that. I thought we could patrol together some nights."

"Why?"

She sighs heavily. "I just thought it'd be good if we patrolled together, especially now that the Immortal is here and a bunch of vamps are doing his dirty work for him."

There are a million different things I want to say to her right now, but instead of adding even more fuel to the file, I decide not to say anything. If Buffy wants to act all fucking bipolar, then that's just fine by me, I just don't wanna get dragged into any more of her messes she's creating for herself.

I hate to admit it, but I'm kinda glad Willow popped in when she did. I got one voice in my head screaming at me to stop whatever is happening with Buffy and me-it's not healthy for either of us since its being done for all the wrong reasons. The other voice is telling me to pick right back up where we left off, get the job done and call it a day.

"We'll figure something out, B, but right now, I gotta go," I say as I get up from the couch. "I'll come around and find you later on patrol, depends on what happens between now and then with this whole job thing."

"Fine," Buffy sighs and she crosses her arms over her chest and pouts. I can't help but smirk and I lean down until my face is just mere inches away from hers. "Faith-"

I give her the sweetest, softest kiss I can manage and it surprises me almost as much as it surprises her. I don't let it go any further and it feels almost impossible to pull away from her lips, but I do and I smile down at her before I turn around and head for the back door. I don't know why I kissed her like that, but something about it felt right. In some weird way, I want to show her that I care about her, that I won't just use her for a good roll in the sack when the urge pops up. I don't know really. My head is spinning, for good reason and bad right now, so much that I can't make sense of most of the thoughts swimming through my mind.

I head down to the Bronze quickly and when I get there, there's a lineup to get in. I smooth down my shirt, straighten out my jacket, and run my fingers thought my hair. I walk right up to the bouncer out front, flash him one helluva smile and he lets me in without a word. I look back at the crowd protesting how I didn't have to pay the cover to get in, and I blow a few of them a kiss before I head inside.

The Bronze is packed. I make my way through the crowd towards the bar and I spot Olivia trying to juggle a bunch of meatheads yelling at her. I push them away from the bar and take a seat on the stool and I smile sweetly at Olivia. One of the meatheads comes for me and I spin around and grab him by the front of his preppy white polo shirt.

"Ease off, buddy," I say threateningly. "Let the woman do her job and stop acting like a fucking tool and wait like the rest of us, yeah?"

"Fuck you, bitch."

I clock him, not hard, but enough it makes him stumble back, both hands holding his now bleeding nose.

"I'll kill you!" He screams at me as his meathead friends try to pull him away. "I'll fucking kill you, bitch!"

"Love to see you try, honey," I laugh and I turn around to look over at Olivia. "Hey," I say and she looks relieved.

"Thanks, Faith. They wouldn't stop. Came in here drunk an hour ago and I had to cut them off. They weren't too happy about it."

"No problem, Liv. So," I say as I lean forward a little, "I was wondering if you could still get me a job here?"

"How about a beer first?" Olivia says as she grabs a bottle of a local brew I'd never had before and places it in front of me. "I really need a break right now. Join me?"

"How about you find out about that job you were offering me the other day first?"

I know I sound a little desperate about it, but hey, with this, I can get two birds with one stone so to speak. Olivia laughs and motions to a man at the other end of the bar. He walks over, sweating bullets and looks completely exhausted.

"You still hiring another bartender, Gary?"

"When aren't we?" Gary replies breathlessly. "You twenty-one yet?"

"Almost."

"Good enough," he says and looks over at Olivia. "Take her into the office and get her file set up. You know the drill. After that, start training her tonight."

"Tonight?" Olivia asks. "I'm not working late tonight."

"You are now," Gary says before he walks away to tend to the impatient customers at the other end of the bar.

"Almost seemed too easy," I say to Olivia as I take my beer with me and follow her back to the office. It's quieter back here and she shrugs as she pulls out a form and places it on the desk. "No interview, no nothing," I say under my breath and Olivia laughs as she hands me a pen.

"We go through people quick here. Only the strong survive, if you know what I mean. Gary has been left in charge and he isn't too picky on who is hired, just as long as the two of us don't get saddled with all the work like we normally do."

"Didn't even get a chance to ask what the pay is like. Damn," I say with a laugh and Olivia shakes her head and laughs right along with me.

"The pay is all right. The tips suck some nights, but on nights like tonight, you can go home with a couple hundred in your pocket if you pull an eight hour shift."

"Not too bad," I shrug and I set my beer down and quickly fill out the form.

"Just a tip, Faith?" Olivia says and I can feel her breath on the back of my neck and she stands behind me. "As tempting as it is to keep a clear head, sometimes you do need a few drinks to get you through the night. Just don't let Gary or the others catch you. We're kind of on a no drinking policy here except when off-duty or on break."

I nod and finish filling out the form. Soon as I'm done, she places it in a shabby green filing cabinet and I follow her out of the office. She grabs two beers from behind the bar and motions for me to follow her. We head out back and she props the door open with an old cinderblock. I can hear the music from the band playing out here and the sounds of the people enjoying themselves inside.

Olivia is staring at me intensely as I light a cigarette. I offer her one and she takes it, her eyes never leaving mine as I hold out my lighter to her. I'm trying to figure her out, but I'm drawn in to the intensity of the look in her eyes. I gotta remember I'm here for two things, to make money and to keep an eye on her and Roman, see what I can sniff out. She seems innocent enough, but I learned that those who appear sweet and innocent never are.

She's gotta know what Roman is. She said they'd been there since just before last Christmas. Who knows how long she'd been with him before that. Then it hits me. Last Christmas Angel had an encounter with the First, which ended up with Buffy running to him instead of spending Christmas with her mom and me. How did I not remember that until now? It all makes sense now, especially since we know that Roman is working for the First. Their arrival in Sunnydale and the First taking advantage of Angel, trying to get him to kill himself that Christmas makes complete sense.

My first instinct is to head back to the Magic Box to tell the others that, but I can't just go off running now. I got a job to do here and if I start running now, gonna bet anything it's gonna make a bunch of red flags go off for Olivia. The last thing any of us need is for her and Roman to figure out that we're on to them before we can know more about just what he's doing, what he plans to do, and what kind of a hold the First has over him.

"Ya got a phone I can use?" I ask her and she nods as she pulls out her cellphone from the back pocket of her skinny, tight jeans. "Just gotta make a quick call."

"Sure."

"There's someone I know that would love to know I landed the job," I say with a smile. She nods and leans against the wall. I need a bit of privacy for this phone call, but I doubt she's gonna let me have it.

I dial the number to the Magic Box and wait for it to ring. By the fourth ring, I'm pacing and Olivia is just standing there watching every move I make.

"_Magic Box, we're closed, but how can I help you?"_ Anya asks as soon as the phone is picked up.

"Ahn, it's me. Put Giles on the phone."

"_Faith?"_

"Anya," I say and roll my eyes. "Just put him on the phone."

"_Faith, is everything all right?"_ Giles asks a few seconds later. _"Are you hurt?"_

"I'm cool, G. Just wanted to let you know I got the job," I say cheerfully, more for Olivia than anything else. "They got me starting tonight. Ain't that something else?"

"_Ah, that is wonderful. And is the Immortal's girlfriend there tonight?"_

"Can't talk long, G. Gotta get inside and start my training. You know how it is with a new job."

"_You are not alone, are you? Just remember one thing, Faith. Don't let her or the Immortal figure out that we know what they're up to until we know more. Do be careful."_

"I'll see ya later," I say quickly and he mutters a quick goodbye before I end the call. "Thanks."

"Who was that?"

"G? Uh, my uncle. He's crashing at mine while he's in town visiting from England," I reply. An easy lie. "Bet he's thrilled I ain't gonna be mooching off him anymore."

Olivia laughs and takes the phone back from me. I spot a few vamps just down the alley, watching us. The slayer in me wants to go after them, but I can't give myself away. Going incognito is gonna be a job within itself, but I gotta stick to the plan even if we don't actually have a plan yet.

In some ways, I feel like I still gotta prove myself, not just to the Scoobs, but to Buffy now too. A part of me wishes I could go back a few weeks ago when everything was that much easier. I know better though. Wishing gets you nowhere and on the Hellmouth, you _really_ gotta be careful what you wish for.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Now I'm sure anyone reading has noticed the lack of updates, but with BnF down since the middle of the week, I figured I better get back to updating my story on here and hopefully the regular readers from BnF find it here until the site is back up. As for those who are reading it here, if you want me to continue with the weekly updates, I'd appreciate some reviews to make it worth my time to do just that :)  
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><p><strong>Chapter Fifteen<strong>

Tonight was a bust. After a few hours of Olivia training me and showing me the ropes, a fight broke out on the dance floor and the Bronze was shut down for the night. I lost sight of Olivia in the chaos of angry people leaving and couldn't track her down after either. At that point it was just after midnight and I didn't wanna head back to the apartment just yet. Seeing those vamps watching us out in the alley earlier had bugged me all night. Following their trail would be impossible, but in Sunnydale, you turn a corner after midnight and you'll run into a vamp. Or five.

Or in my case, Buffy fighting half a dozen vamps just around the corner from the Magic Box.

I pull out my stake from my jacket pocket and jump right in, surprising the vamps that didn't see me coming and pissing off the rest. Buffy doesn't even acknowledge me as I pull two vamps off of her. I throw them towards the others hurling towards us to buy a few seconds. Half a dozen vamps aren't an easy fight, but it could be worse. With Buffy fighting with me, these dead things don't stand a chance.

I manage to catch one off-guard and dust him before he can make a move on me. I spin around and face the others. They're trying to crowd Buffy and me, probably thinking they have the upper hand in this sitch. None of them seemed fazed that I just dusted one of their buddies either. They barely even flinched. In my book that means one thing, they're henchmen and whoever they're with don't mean a damn thing to them other than adding numbers to their little group.

This is the kind of thinking that was drilled in my head over the last couple of months all thanks to Giles. Taught me how to think and fight, instead of fight and think later. Definitely has come in handy, that's for sure, and it's a far cry from the slayer I used to be too.

But Buffy is being reckless. I see it in the way she's defending herself as the remaining five vamps close in on her, completely ignoring me. I move in close to her and ignore the annoyed look she shoots my way. I'll deal with her attitude once these vamps are dust.

"B, what the hell?" I gasp as I grab her by the arm. "Fuckin' help me stake them already!"

"What do you think I've been _trying_ to do, Faith?"

Can't shake the feeling we've done that role reversal thing since she's been back. It's kinda scary seeing her being the way she is. This ain't the Buffy I used to know. She never used to be so damn reckless and not giving a shit about what's going on around her.

I can't think of that. Can't focus on her. We have five vamps after us, wanting us dead, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let that happen tonight like this. I ain't going six feet under 'cause Buffy doesn't give a flying fuck whether she lives or dies.

I roundhouse kick the vamp closest to me and grab the other when I spin around. I don't waste any time. I plunge the stake into his chest and move on to the next one. We're down to four, but something tells me these guys aren't gonna go easily. I hear laughter and look in the direction it came from. Great. Just what I needed tonight.

Spike jumps right into the fight, flashing me a smile before he tries to lure two vamps away from Buffy and me. He's made the fight a fair fight now. Two on two. I don't move quickly enough and get clocked in the shoulder by the vamp to my left. The pain is intense and the fucker dislocated my shoulder with one little punch. Something tells me these vamps are like the one we ran into at the gas station the other night.

I hear Spike screaming in pain as he slumps to the ground, the two vamps he lured kicking him while he's down. It might be Spike and all, but if he's gonna be dust, I'm gonna be the one to do it, not a pair of henchmen vamps who already got a huge advantage over all of us. I duck and roll out of the fray and pull Spike to his feet. He can barely stand on his own two feet, but I don't care. I let him fend for himself as I try to stake the two vamps.

They aren't making it easy. They're too quick and honestly, I'm afraid to get a few punches in. don't need another broken hand even if I heal a helluva lot faster than normal people.

Out of nowhere I hear the sound of arrows flying through the air. I don't see them until they're lodged into each of the vamps chests. They look just as surprised as I do just before they turn to dust. I grin as I turn to look at Buffy, but she's not paying any attention to me. She's kneeling on the ground next to Spike. He's coughing up blood, his face is a battered mess and I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess he has more than a dozen broken bones.

"Where'd those arrows come from?" I ask, mostly myself since Buffy is trying to get Spike to sit up instead of lying curled up in a ball. "B, did you see where they came from?"

"That way," she says as she points behind me. "I didn't see who it was either."

"Come on," I urge as I head in the direction she pointed out. "B, just leave him."

"I can't just leave him, Faith!"

"Why the hell not?"

Buffy thinks about that for a moment before shaking her head and moving away from Spike. I'm thinking she probably realized just who she was trying to help and finally came to her senses. Spike groans out in pain as he curls up on the ground. I look over at Buffy and she walks over to me.

"I know you want me dead, Faith," Spike coughs out and I look down at him. "But ain't this a rather pathetic way to have me done for? Why not just save the trouble and stake me yourself?"

"If I'm gonna stake you, Spike, it's gonna be on my own terms. Tonight? Not gonna happen. I ain't gonna hit a bad dog while he's down."

Spike laughs bitterly as Buffy and I head down the alley away from him. Buffy sighs heavily as she checks over the deep wound on her right shoulder. My left shoulder is killing me and I gotta get it popped back into place. I stop Buffy as we reach the back door of the Magic Box.

"You all right?" Buffy asks and I shake my head yes and then no. "Your shoulder dislocated, didn't it?"

"Yeah. A little help?" I ask and she nods. She grabs my arm and helps me pop it back into place. I have to bit my lip to stop myself from nearly screaming out.

"Better?"

I nod and reach out for the doorknob. She stops me and slowly runs her hand down the length of my right arm. I can feel the goosebumps rise under her fingertips. She gives me a look that makes every inch of me excited as hell. This woman has a power over me that no one else has ever had and it's scary as hell. I want to kiss her just 'cause of the way her lips are pouted slightly and 'cause of the way she keeps looking at me. I breathe in deeply, reach up, and gently cup her face in my hands. I lean in and give her the softest, sweetest kiss, much like the one I'd given her earlier before I left the Magic Box.

I get the feeling when things started up between us last night, she was expecting me to be the old Faith she thinks she knew. Wild, unrestricted, and a demon in the sack. I can still be all those things, I was last night for sure, but that's not all I am, not all I can be.

"We can't be doing this," I whisper and she pulls away from me, confused. "I can't be whatever it is I've suddenly become to you."

"What?"

"Buffy, last night was fucking great. Ain't gonna deny that for a second. But," I sigh and shake my head slowly, "but I can't be some kind of release for you, someone you can fuck and run away from after and pretend it never happened."

"You're joking right?" Buffy laughs as she crosses her arms over her chest. "Do you honestly believe we could have something more than what this is?"

"Why you gotta be such a fucking bitch?"

"I am what I am and you are what you are. Stop hiding from yourself, Faith."

"I ain't fucking hiding," I snap and I back her up against the door. "You really have no idea how I feel about you, do you?"

Did I just say that? Crap.

"And just how do you feel about me, Faith?" Buffy asks, her voice just dripping with sarcasm. "You think I don't know? Especially after last night? Faith, you told me you loved me somewhere between the third and fourth time."

Fuck.

"And I'm feeling something too," she whispers after a moment. "I can't even explain it. All I know is I don't feel numb when I'm around you. I hate feeling so numb and angry all the damn time."

"You're still a cold bitch around me, B, whether we're just standing here or fucking each other till it hurts to walk afterwards."

Buffy shrugs it off and licks over her lips slowly, as if she's inviting me in for another kiss. "Sometimes," she whispers as she reaches towards me and places her hands on my shoulders, "I think I don't know how to be anything else around you. I bet you thought it'd be different, didn't you?"

"Did at first. Fooled myself into thinking you'd come back different."

"I _have_ come back different, Faith, but different doesn't always mean good."

"No shit," I mutter under my breath, ignoring the feel of her hands gently rubbing over my shoulders. "I don't get you, B."

"Don't expect you to."

"No," I sigh and shake my head. "One minute you're sugary sweet and the next-"

"Are we really going to go through this again?" Buffy cuts me off and I sigh again. "I am just the way I am, Faith. How many times do I have to tell you I'm sorry for being the way I am?"

"You wouldn't have to if you stopped being a damn cold bitch."

Buffy laughs and moves closer to me, her lips just a breath away from mine. "But you like it, even when I am like that," she purrs. "It turns you on, doesn't it?"

I shake my head no even though it's a lie and she knows it too. This woman has a power over me I just can't explain or figure out. I just want to give in to her little game and play it for as long as I can before she truly comes to her senses and realizes what the hell she's doing with me. But I'm fighting a losing battle within myself.

Just as I'm about to kiss her, I hear footsteps just around the corner in the back alley. She pushes me away and heads in the opposite direction the footsteps are coming from. Typical. I find the key to the back door and unlock it as the footsteps get closer. I spin around to see who it is and it's Dawn.

"Dawn? What are you doing here?"

"Looking for Buffy. We all are. What are you doing here? I thought Giles said you got a job at the Bronze?"

"Did, but a wicked nasty fight broke out and it was shut down for the night. Ran into Buffy and some vamps on the way home and gave her a hand in dusting 'em. Bit late for you to be out, isn't it?"

"Did you see where Buffy went?" Dawn asks, completely ignoring everything I just said.

"Dawn," I say firmly and she rolls her eyes at me. "What's going on?"

"Spike came to the house about an hour ago and told us something about Buffy."

"Told you what?"

She sighs and shakes her head as she looks up and down the alley. "He said she came back wrong, Faith. That she's not entirely herself and he can prove it."

"Since when do you guys believe a word Spike says?"

Dawn shrugs. "I don't know, but he's been around helping us out just like you have. The only difference is that he's been helping us out a bit longer than you. We _trust_ him, Faith, just like we trust you."

"Yeah, right."

"Which way did she go, Faith?" Dawn asks, clearly annoyed now.

I point in the direction Buffy took off in and Dawn leaves without saying another word. I shake my head and go inside the back door to the Magic Box. I close it behind me and lock it, hoping for a few hours of peace and quiet here alone. I could go back to the apartment, but with Giles there, I wouldn't be alone and I don't want to deal with him and his hundred million questions he'll likely drop on me when it comes to Buffy.

I flip on the lights and jump a little when I see Buffy standing by the door that leads to the front of the shop. I shake my head, walk over to the couch, and sit down. I'm tired-no, beyond tired. Exhausted.

"How'd you get in?" I ask her and she just sits down next to me on the couch.

"Sewer entrance in the basement."

"Why?"

"To avoid Dawn and the others," she replies softly. "And I wasn't done talking to you either, Faith."

"Felt done to me."

Buffy turns sideways on the couch to face me and I just lean back and close my eyes. "Despite what you think you know about me, Faith, we're not all that different. We're both battling demons inside of us, dealing with it in different ways. Alike but not."

"Dealt with my demons, B," I say as I look over at her. "Spent a year in prison doing just that."

"Have you?"

I nod and offer her a small smile. "I did. Sometimes I think they're still there, but I get over it. Whatever you're dealing with right now, it'll pass, B. Just give it time and stop making all the wrong choices and you'll be fine."

"You know what I'm dealing with."

"I know, but it can't be all that bad, can it?"

"You have no idea what it feels like," she snaps. "You have no idea what it feels like being back here after what I felt when I was in-when I was wherever I was."

"You gonna tell them?" I ask and she shakes her head no. "Why? Don't you think they oughta know something like that, B?"

"No."

I reach out for her hand, expecting her to pull away, but she lets me take it and I intertwine my fingers with hers. "B," I whisper and she looks down at our joined hands. "I want to be here for you in any way that you need me, but I don't want to feel like you're just using me."

"I'm not using you."

I raise an eyebrow at her and give her hand a gentle squeeze. "You sure about that?"

"No."

I laugh and let go of her hand. "You're confused, aren't you?"

"Aren't you?"

"Definitely, but at least I ain't denying it to myself. Trust me, B, it feels so much better when you can be honest with yourself."

"It's hard."

"Sure."

"Faith, never once in my life had I ever had these kind of thoughts towards other women. Not _once_. Then last night, I don't know what came over me, but I knew I wanted it. I wanted you."

"Wanted?"

"Want. I want you," she whispers and I shake my head. I can't deal with anymore of this tonight. I just need a damn break before my emotions get to the better of me and turn me into a complete mess. "Faith? Did you hear what I just said?"

I nod my head slowly, wondering where she's going with this. "And why do you want me, B? Have you figured that out yet?"

"I-I don't know _why_, I just know I feel something between us. You feel it too," she says as she reaches for my hand, but I pull away from her. I don't want her to touch me right now. Not when the room is starting to spin around me. "I know I've been such a bitch to you when you don't deserve it and I'm sorry for that, Faith."

I don't say anything. I don't want to say the wrong thing to her right now. I get that she's trying to talk to me, trying to say whatever it is she's feeling and thinking. It's new, sure, but it doesn't make up for the fact she's still acting fucking bipolar around me.

I look over at her and see the cut on her arm is still bleeding. Slowly and carefully, I pull the ripped fabric away from the wound. She winces a little and I get up and grab the first aid kit. She doesn't say a word as I rip away her shirt and start cleaning the wound. It's deep, almost deep enough to need stitches, but I know from experience that she'll heal fast overnight and in the morning it'll look like a scratch. I bandage her up and go to the sink to wash my hands free of her blood.

"Um, thanks," she whispers as she walks up behind me. "It means a lot that you care about me, Faith."

I shrug it off. It's not a big deal. I've patched up the Scoobs a few times after a rough night out on patrol. I hold my breath when I feel her hands on my shoulders. I'm starting to wonder if she knows what kind of power she has over me.

"Do you think we'll be alone here?" Buffy whispers into my ear and I can't help but shudder.

"Know of someplace better," I reply as I slowly turn around to face her. "Someplace nobody will think to look for either of us if that's what you want?"

What is wrong with me? One minute I don't want to do this with her, the next it's all I can think about.

"Where?"

I just smile as I take her hand and lead her to the back door, making sure I flip the lights off behind me. I've got a few places in mind, one being the old motel I swore up and down I'd never go back to. But, if it meant having another night with Buffy, alone, then that's how it'll be.

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><p>Buffy has me backed up against the ratty old dresser, her hands roaming over my body, insistent and needy. I tug at her shirt and she pulls away from my lips, leaving us both breathless as I pull her shirt off her body. I want nothing more than to rip her clothes from her body, literally, but I'm pacing myself as best as I can, letting Buffy lead the way. For now.<p>

She has me so damn turned on I can't think straight.

Piece by piece our clothes come off. I try to lead the way over to the bed, but she doesn't let me move from where she still has me pinned to the dresser. She nips at my lower lip, gripping my wrists with both hands and she ever so slowly begins to kiss down my neck. My whole body is buzzing and I'm gasping for breath. Her mouth is hot on my skin and I want to touch her, but she tightens her grip on my wrists as her tongue circles over one nipple before moving to the other.

She continues her descent and I lean back as her tongue dips inside my bellybutton. I've never been so sensitive with other people when it comes to foreplay, but with Buffy, damn, everything she does to me is making me wet.

"Up," she whispers as she gets on her knees. I blink and it takes me a few seconds before I realize what she's asking me.

I lift myself up onto the dresser as best as I can without use of my hands. she nips at my inner thighs, a teasing smile dancing over her lips as she peers up at me. she lets go of my wrists and uses her hands to spread my legs. I grip the edge of the dresser and watch as she licks the length of my pussy just once before pulling back and sighing contently.

I let out a soft moan and shift on the dresser. It's uncomfortable, but damn, having Buffy on her knees in front of me is one helluva hot image.

"Do you always taste so good?"

I don't say a word and I don't need to. Buffy's mouth is back on me and she has my clit between her lips. She sucks hard before swirling her tongue around the sensitive bundle of nerves. I'd cum like a rocket right now if I wasn't trying to hold myself back.

I move a hand to the back of her head to keep her right where she is and to encourage her to keep doing what she's doing. She's teasing me, that's for sure, but it feels so damn good and I don't want her to stop. A few more swirls of her tongue and I can feel my body responding. The orgasm is building deep inside of me quickly and I can't hold it back.

"Fuck," I cry out as I cum and Buffy looks up at me, slowly licking around my hole with a slight smirk forming over her lips. "Damn, B."

"Do you always come this quickly?" She asks as she moves away from me.

"Only with you," I whisper breathlessly.

Tonight feels different. It _is_ different. Buffy stands up and runs her hands up the length of my body as I wrap my legs around her hips. She doesn't move. She only stares at me with such intensity that I can feel my whole body heating up again.

I slide off the dresser and wrap my arms around her. she squeals a little as I pick her up and walk over to the double bed. My lips are on hers, kissing her deeply as I lay her down, laying my body over hers. We're kissing slowly now and I can feel her heart racing against mine. She slips a leg between my thighs and I grind down, already feeling the need for release again so soon. I love the way her body feels under mine, I love how she moves with me, the way she breathes when our lips part, and the way her hands grip at my hips, forcing me to grind down against her thigh harder.

I pull back from her lips and stare down into her eyes. I want this to be so much more than it is. I want to be able to tell her how I feel about her without feeling like a complete fool. I want to stop thinking that this is so much more than what it is. But I can't shut off my thoughts and feelings. I can't stop myself from falling deeper and deeper in love with her.

Things would be so much easier if this wasn't happening between us. Don't get me wrong, I love and hate it at the same time, but with everything else going on around Sunnydale, the last thing I need is to be falling in love with Buffy.

More so than I already am.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

When I wake up, it's late in the morning and I'm a bit surprised Buffy is still lying next to me. I half expected her to sneak off once we'd passed out sometime just after sunrise. I lie on my side and just stare at her. She's sleeping on her stomach, her bare back exposed and the rough motel sheets covering her lower half.

After last night, I got a whole mess of things to think about now. I gotta find out where I truly stand with Buffy before I let this happen again. I gotta stop listening to what my body wants and listen to what my heart needs. If there's anything I've learned about myself in the last year and a bit, it's to listen to my heart over anything else. Yet, it's hard to listen to my heart when my heart wants to love Buffy with all that I have and more. My heart wants to know what it's like to be loved, not just to love.

Whatever I am to Buffy, which I know right now is just a good roll in the sack when the mood strikes, I don't want to be kept in the dark as a dirty little secret. Those kinds of things tend to burn hard, fast and blow up in the end.

I trail my fingers down her back slowly and she stirs, but doesn't wake up. I lean over and press a soft kiss to her shoulder and I hear her moan quietly. Everything I did last night, I tried to show her that this means so much more to me than what it means to her. I tried to convey all my feelings in every touch and every kiss. There were times I thought she got what I was trying to say without using any words, but then again with Buffy, you never quite know what's going through that head of hers.

"Hey," I whisper as she turns her head and opens her eyes.

"Hey," she whispers back. "What time is it?"

I glance at the clock behind me quickly. "Almost noon."

"God, it still feels so early."

I smirk and she reaches for the sheet covering her lower half and pulls it up over her head. I hear her groan and I crawl under the sheet with her. Morning breath be damned. I lean in and kiss her as I wrap my arms around her and pull her on top of me. it takes her a moment or two to really wake up and once she does, she's kissing me deeply with her hands in my hair and her hips thrusting down into mine. I could get used to this, morning kisses and more after a long night of hot, sweaty sex with the woman of my dreams.

"I'm sorry," she whispers as she ends our kiss.

"For what?" I ask her as I gently rub her back. She just frowns and lays her head down on my chest. "B, are you still apologizing for being such a bitch to me?"

I feel her nod, but she doesn't say anything. I continue to run her back gently and I can feel her relax completely against me. I plant a kiss on the top of her head and it causes her to look up at me. She's got a smile curling over her lips. It's not one of her sexy little smiles that tells me she wants another go. It's a sweet smile, one I don't think I've ever seen from her.

"I should probably go," she says, the smile quickly disappearing from her face. "I haven't been home for two nights now and the last thing I need to deal with is to be chewed out by my little sister."

"Dawn can be pretty fucking scary," I laugh and I let her get off of me. She gets up from the bed and starts picking up her clothes from the floor. "B, whatever this is, I don't expect you to tell the others what's going on between us. Just wanted you to know that. But-"

"I knew there was a "but" coming," she sighs as she pulls on her bra and snaps the clasp shut.

"I don't want to feel like you're using me."

"I'm not using you," she says sincerely, at least it sounds like she's being sincere. "Not anymore."

"You sure about that?"

Buffy nods as she leans down and plants the sweetest kiss on my lips. I feel like we need to talk about this, but talking with Buffy always leads us around in circles and my head is already spinning enough as it is. I watch her as she gets dressed and when she disappears into the bathroom, I get out of bed and gather up my clothes, following suit in getting dressed. There's no way I'm gonna stay in this room any longer without her here with me.

I grab her once she walks out of the bathroom and I wrap my arms tightly around her. She doesn't fight to get away from me, which I honestly expected her to especially after the other morning and the way she completely freaked out once she realized what we'd done.

Maybe she really was being sincere when she said she isn't using me. I'm not a fool to think that one night is gonna change everything between us and put us on the fast track to relationship territory.

I might be a fool in love, but I'm not stupid.

"Gotta say, this is much better than yesterday morning," I say and she chuckles softly.

"I was allowed to freak out yesterday morning, Faith."

"I know. You think I wasn't?"

"I-it didn't look like you were."

"I was."

"Oh."

Buffy tries to pull away from me, but I don't let her and instead I pull her down with me as I sit on the unmade bed and I kiss her. She gives in after a few short seconds and before I know it, we're kissing deeply and our hands are roaming over clothes and under. I'm suddenly wishing neither of us had bothered getting dressed at this point.

"Faith," she whines a little as she pushes me back. "I really have to go home now."

"Just stay for five more minutes," I whisper, hoping I don't sound like I'm begging her or anything. Really, I'm just not ready to let her go, not after last night and especially since she's not freaking out this morning like she was yesterday after the fact. "Five minutes is all I'm asking, B."

"I-I can't. I have to go."

"Can't we at least talk about this?" I ask her. When the hell did I become such a girl? God.

"We're just having sex," she says as she gets up from my lap. "Aren't we?"

"Sure," I shrug and try to act like it's no big deal. I shouldn't have opened my mouth and asked her if we could talk about this. She's definitely not telling me the things my heart yearns to hear.

"Let's not make it into anything more than what it is, Faith."

"Not trying to, just trying to make some sense of it, that's all."

"Can we talk later? Like after I've had a couple hours of sleep and deal with Dawn first?"

"Don't know if I can swing that," I say as I get up from the bed and head for the door. "I got a job now and I gotta be there tonight before happy hour starts."

"Right. We'll just talk later, whenever later comes," Buffy replies and I open the door for her. She hesitates for a second before she walks out into the midday sun. "Bye, Faith."

"See ya, B."

I wait until she's down to the street before I close the motel room door behind me and head off in the opposite direction. I head straight to the apartment, my stomach protesting every twenty steps, reminding me just how damn hungry I am.

I'm trying not to think of last night or this morning, but it's hard not to. I can still smell Buffy all over me and still taste her on my lips. I can still feel the way her body felt against mine, the way she'd grab at my back or my arms as she came hard. The stamina that woman has matches my own and it drives me wild and insane with lust and want. If she didn't insist on going home and if it were up to me, we'd be going at it again and again until we completely wore ourselves out.

I let myself into the apartment and find Giles sitting at the desk with a cup of tea in his hand and a dozen books open in front of him. He barely looks up as I shut the door behind me and head straight for the kitchen. I grab a beer out of the fridge and crack it open, downing half of it as I walk into the living room and sit down on the couch.

"Bit early to be drinking," Giles says with that disapproving tone in his voice. "How was the first night on the job, Faith?" He asks when I don't bother answering him. "Did Roman make an appearance?"

"Place closed down early when a big fight broke out between a couple of frat boys and no, Roman never showed. If he did, you'd be the first to know about it after I tried kicking his ass to hell and back."

He peers over his glasses at me as I finish off my beer and let out a loud burp. "We've discussed this already, Faith. Neither you or Buffy are to make a move on the Immortal until we have a plan to eliminate him."

"I know. Figure of speech and all that. I'm not that stupid, G."

"I was not implying that you are," he responds with a shake of his head.

"Did you and Sel find out anything more about how we can hurt the Immortal?" I ask him, trying to stick to slayer business even though I know he's just dying to ask me where I've been the last two nights.

"We haven't been able to find much of anything. She's been in contact with several covens around the world. They are all trying to help us figure out not just how to eliminate the Immortal, but why he's willingly working for the First. It will take some time, a little patience and keeping you and Buffy off his radar for a while before we can figure it out."

"Ain't sure how long we'll be able to pull that off," I mutter under my breath. "Ran into Buffy and six vamps last night."

"Is everything all right?"

"Peachy, G," I say with a forced smile. "We dusted them. They put up a bit of a fight, but nothing we couldn't handle."

I know I probably shouldn't have mentioned the fact I ran into Buffy last night, especially not when I know the others were out looking for her. Too late to take it back now. I sigh as Giles joins me in the living room, concern written all over his face.

"You ran into Buffy last night? You are aware we were looking for her, were you not?"

"Uh, guess she didn't want to be found," I stammer slightly. "Whatever, G. I saw Dawn last night and she told me some crap that Spike had told you guys about Buffy coming back wrong. He's wrong about that, you know. Buffy is fine. Just dealing, I guess."

"And you're certain she is fine?"

"Would I lie about something like that?"

"Quite possibly," he mutters under his breath but I heard him clear as day. "Spike has raised a few concerns and I find it imperative that we look more into this before we believe him or not. It is rather alarming that Spike is able to hurt Buffy, but still cannot harm other humans without his chip firing off."

"Maybe it just malfunctioned? Or maybe he's just lying? Come on, Giles, this is Spike we're talking about here. Wouldn't be the first time he's lied to you or any of us."

"While that is true, you have to remember that when it comes to anything about Buffy, it's crucial we do a complete follow-up on the matter. We may have an apocalypse on our hands and nobody will be safe if Buffy is not entirely herself."

He does have a point. I don't tell him that though and I get up to go grab myself another beer.

"Faith, I know I am not in any way a father to you, but after the past summer, I feel a sense of responsibility for you," Giles says as he walks up behind me in the kitchen. He pulls the beer from my hands and dumps it down the sink. "I do wish you would stop drinking or at least stop drinking so early in the day. I worry about you."

"Don't gotta. I'm fine. It ain't like I'm hitting the hard stuff, G. I am _not_ my mother."

"While I know that you are most definitely not your mother, I still have every reason to worry about you. We talked about this before and-"

"And we're not talking about it again," I cut him off. I am definitely not in the mood to be talking about my family, especially not my mother.

"My point is, Faith, I do worry about you sometimes," he replies with a heavy sigh. "It's something that cannot be helped."

"You care about me, blah, blah, blah," I laugh and he cracks a small smile. "I know, G. You care about me and yet you doubt me, worry about me getting myself into trouble I can't get myself outta, but I get it. It's kinda like the way you care about Buffy, right? You look at both of us like the daughters you never had."

"You two _are_ the daughters I never had and nothing will ever change that, Faith. if I am hard on you, it's simply because-"

"You care. Got it. I'm gonna get some sleep. Been a rough couple of nights for me and I'm gonna need it if I'm gonna be working late tonight."

"Faith?" Giles says as I head for the stairs. I stop and turn to look at him. "If there was something different, perhaps off about Buffy, you would tell me, wouldn't you?"

I nod my head a little, but I don't say a word. I'm tired of lying, especially to Giles. He doesn't deserve that, not after everything he's done for me and not to mention the fact that he trusts me. I head up the stairs and all but collapse on the bed as soon as I kick off my boots. I barely got my eyes closed when someone rings the doorbell downstairs. I groan as I pull the pillow over my head as soon as I hear Willow's voice downstairs once Giles has let her in.

Am I ever gonna get some decent sleep?

With the thoughts in my mind now centering around what's been happening with Buffy-and not on Roman, the First Evil, etc.-I doubt I'll even be able to sleep soundly now that I think about it. I can hear Willow asking Giles to talk to me, but he keeps insisting that I had another long night and that I need my rest. Willow is persistent though and in a matter of minutes I hear her coming up the stairs.

"Faith, I know you're not sleeping," she says and I groan loudly as I pull the pillow off my head.

"What is it that you want, Red? I'm so fucking tired right now."

"You look like hell," she muses and shrugs as she sits down on the edge of the bed. "Were you and Buffy patrolling all night?"

I close my eyes so she can't read me just by looking at me. I knew I'd be hounded by one of them, just didn't think it'd be Willow.

"No," I reply carefully. "Why?"

"It's just that I'm worried about her, that's all. We all are worried about her, Faith. She hasn't been back for very long and I think I can recognize the signs that my best friend is on a fast downward spiral she won't come out of easily."

"Is this 'cause of what Spike told you guys?" I ask her as I sit up and stretch at little. "You guys are seriously taking his word that Buffy came back wrong?"

"We-well, we don't know what to think, Faith. There is a way for us to find out for sure if there is anything wrong with her. It's just a small little spell, nothing big," she replies quickly and I raise a doubtful eyebrow at her. "Okay, it's a big spell, but it won't hurt her. She won't even know we've done it."

"Ain't nothing wrong with her, Red. Why don't you take my word for it?"

"Why?"

"'Cause I lied to you about Buffy and me. We're not patrolling though. Not really."

"Then what are you-oh. Oh!" Willow flushes a little as she stands up from the bed like it just scalded her skin off. "Wait," she sighs as she stares right at me and I can only stare right back. "What are you doing if you're not patrolling?"

"Just hanging out, Red. Don't get your panties in a twist over it."

If Willow manages to figure out what I'm not telling her, I'm good as dead. I never underestimate her. She's proven that to me before. It's hard to not just lie, but keep secrets around this one. And yeah, I've heard a few things from Tara that she'd used some kind of a truth spell a few times just to find out some things that were being kept from her. Pretty scary, if you ask me.

"Just hanging out?" Willow tests me and I nod my head slowly. "Seriously?"

"It's no bed of roses. She's kicked my ass a couple of times, but it is how it is."

The way she's staring at me makes me wig. I lie back down, pull the pillow over my head, and hope to hell that she gets the hint just to leave me alone and let me sleep already. Sure, I've gotten a few hours of sleep and I've survived before doing just that, but my body is just begging me to get some rest. I feel Willow move up on the bed and lay down next to me.

"Red," I sigh heavily as she pulls the pillow away from me. "What gives?"

"You've been difference since Buffy came back," she says softly and I shrug a little and try to fight her for the pillow. She doesn't give up easily. "What's going on, Faith?"

"Nothing is going on," I say, trying to stare her in the eyes even though it's a big fat lie and I can tell she knows it too. "Buffy needs someone there for her right now and for some reason, that someone is me."

Willow turns on her side and stares at me and I just laugh at little.

"How ya think Tara is gonna feel knowing you're almost all snuggled up with me?"

"She wouldn't care," Willow replies seriously. "We're all friends and she knows I love her and only her. Faith," she sighs as she sits up and stares down at me. "Whatever is going on between you and Buffy, it's not healthy. You do know that right?"

No point in asking her what she's talking about. Gonna bet she used some witch-fu on me since she came up here to talk to me.

"I know you won't say anything since you are protecting her, but I'm not just worried about Buffy here, Faith. I'm worried about _you_. We all are."

"Don't worry about me, Red, I'm a big girl and I can handle myself."

"Can you?"

"What the hell are you grilling me for?" I ask her, the anger bubbling to the surface. "I ain't done anything wrong here."

Willow raises an eyebrow as she watches me get out of bed. I grab my half empty pack of cigarettes off the dresser and light one. It's barely ten seconds before I hear Giles grumbling downstairs, but I don't put it out, I just lean up against the dresser and take one long drag.

"You using your witch-fu on me right now, Red?"

"No! Why would you think that?"

I shrug. "I've heard some things."

"Things? What kind of things and from who?"

Willow looks nervous now. Good. I give her another shrug and take another long drag, inhaling as deeply as I can until my lungs feel the burn.

"There have been too many secrets," I say to her and she sighs loudly before nodding her head. "I don't get it, Red. I've been here all summer. Thought you guys trusted me now?"

"We do!" She stammers quickly. "Is this about us not telling you what we were planning to do about bringing Buffy back?"

"What's done is done, right? Just don't get why I keep getting left in the dark."

"We had a feeling you'd try to stop us if you knew what we were planning," she says softly and I look around the dresser for something to use as an ashtray. I pick up the lid on a scented candle I've never used and use that. "You would've done anything you could do to stop us."

"Not entirely true."

"Faith," she frowns as she gets off the bed and walks over to me. "Listen, I know you feel like you're being left out, but we-"

"Don't entirely trust me. I get it. Shouldn't have expected things to change and now that Buffy's back, they went right back to the way they were before. Don't sweat it, Red. I know the score."

"Faith-"

"Just go," I say hastily. "I'm fucking tired here and you're cutting into some serious time between me and my pillow right now."

She leaves, but not before I catch the tears swelling up in her eyes. I don't let it bother me since I know how emotional she can get over the littlest of things. I put my cigarette out and crawl back into bed. I'm out as soon as my head hits the pillow.

And all I seem to be able to dream of is Buffy.

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><p>The Bronze is quiet tonight and I'm a bit relieved about that. Olivia is busy tending the frat boys at the far end of the bar and I'm trying to stack the clean glasses along the shelf in the back. I hear the frat boys start to get a bit rowdy. I look over at them and recognize them from last night. They're the ones who started the fight that shut the place down early. I glare at them, giving them a silent warning and they instantly shut up, take their beers from Olivia and head up to the balcony.<p>

"God, I hope it's not going to be like last night," Olivia says as she joins me and starts to help me stack the glasses. "So far it's quiet, but it never usually stays like this for long."

"I know. I've been coming here for a while," I remind her with a smile. "Think it's too early to duck out for a quick smoke break?"

"Faith, you've only started your shift half an hour ago."

"So?" I say and she laughs. "You wanna come for a quick one?"

"Do I ever."

We leave Gary alone to tend to the dozen or so people that are in here. He doesn't look too happy with us, but I'm taking Olivia's advice and don't care what he thinks just as long as he pays me at the end of every shift. We head out the back door and she pulls out a fancy little case and pulls out two long cigarettes.

"Roman had a friend of his send these over from Madrid," she says with a playful smile as she hands me one. I look at it and instantly I know it's not just a cigarette. "Don't worry, it's just gonna give you a little buzz."

"I don't do drugs, Liv," I say as I hand it back to her.

She shrugs it off and lights up, inhaling deeply as I pull out my pack of cigarettes. I'm about to pull one out when I feel there's something here in the alley with us. I didn't bring any weapons with me and I quickly look around to see if there's anything back here that I can use in a pinch.

Five big vamps come around the corner and they spot us at the back door almost instantly. Olivia is completely oblivious to the fact we're being hunted by five vamps right now. I spot a piece of rebar by the dumpster and I move quickly to grab it. Olivia looks at me like I've lost my mind but then she spots the vamps getting closer to us. They're running to us now.

"What the hell?" Olivia shrieks as one of them grabs her.

I use the rebar to hit the one closing in on me and he howls in pain as the metal cuts his face. I duck and roll towards Olivia, but the vamp that grabbed her is already pulling her down the alley in the direction they came from. I feel the other vamps grab my arms before I can make another move and I try to break free to no avail.

"Let go of me you asshole!" Olivia screams at the vamp that is still dragging her away. "Do you have any idea who I am?"

I struggle against the hold the vamps have on me and I can feel their cold breath on my neck as they start dragging me towards Olivia and the other vamp. One of them grabs the rebar out of my hand, twisting it until I let go and I scream in pain as I feel the bones in my wrist snap.

Suddenly the vamp just lets go of Olivia and is on his knees in front of her. I see her smirk and take a drag of her cigarette as she uses her other hand to straighten out her clothes.

"Your Highness, we are very sorry. We've come for the Slayer," the vamp says as he bows his head down in front of her. "The Immortal sent us to retrieve her. We had no idea you would be with her."

What. The. Fuck?

"Let her go," Olivia says to the vamps holding me and they instantly let me go. I raise an eyebrow at her, wondering what the hell is going on here. "Roman will hear about this, you stupid degenerate fools. Consider the next hour your last."

The five vamps run off like scared little children. I can't stop staring at Olivia. I want to know what the hell is going on here!

"Well," she sighs as she lifts my broken wrist. "My secret is out now."

"What the hell are you?"

"Who the hell am I, is what you should be asking," she laughs softly. She wraps her hand around my broken wrist, making me wince. A soft bright light emanates from her hand and suddenly I feel no pain and I can feel the bones fusing back together as if they were never broken in the first place. "I am the Mother. They refer to me as their Queen. I am older than the oldest things that walk this earth and the heavens above and the many hell dimensions below. I am older than that imaginary being you humans refer to as God."

I'm starting to think we got a _much_ bigger problem on our hands than we ever imagined.


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: *****gasp* yes I know it's Friday and I'm updating! Please leave some love behind if you like the direction this chapter goes. Appreciate each and every one of you guys who read it even if you don't review! :)****  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter Seventeen<strong>

I don't know when I blacked out or how, but when I open my eyes I'm bound to a chair in a small, damp room with the only light coming from a single candle sitting on the table in front of me. The room smells like death and I have to fight to keep from puking whatever is left from the hamburger I'd ate for dinner. I can hear voices outside the small room and I let my eyes focus and can barely make out a single door.

The voices start to fade and I struggle against the chains that bound me to the chair. My head starts to spin and I fight against the chains harder, feeling every ounce of energy I have just draining out of me. My head rolls back as I struggle to keep my eyes open and I look over at the door as it's opened and I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.

"You think we're stupid, don't you?" Roman asks softly as he steps into the light. I glare at him and he laughs as he pulls out a syringe from the front pocket of his designer jacket. "You and the others thought we'd never figure out what you were up to, didn't you? That's where you're wrong, Faith. We knew all along."

I groan as he grabs my hair and pulls my head right back. I see him hold the syringe up, the green liquid sloshing around inside as he moves it in front of my eyes.

"You won't stop us. Not me, not Olivia, and most definitely not the First Evil. What we have planned is far more than any of you can take on and with only two Slayers in the entire world, you won't even have a fighting chance at _trying_ to stop any of us."

"We're gonna try," I croak. Roman laughs and pulls my hair a little harder. I wince in pain, but bite my tongue to keep from saying anything I'll regret when this asshole kills me.

"This here," he says as he waves the syringe in front of my eyes again. "This will send you back. figuratively. You'll be there in mind, but your body will still be here, bound to this chair."

"Why?" I dare ask. "What good is that gonna do for you?"

"We need you out of the way, Faith, and this here is the only way to make sure it stays that way."

I have no leverage and no strength to break free of the chains. There's no way in hell I'm letting this guy shoot me with some kind of drug that's gonna fuck with my head. I struggle against him, but I feel too weak and Roman continues to laugh, releasing my hair only to stroke his long, lean fingers through it.

I try again to break free of the chains, but Roman growls as he grabs my hair again and jams the needle into the side of my neck. I almost black out as I feel the liquid entering my veins. My head rolls back as he releases me and the room is spinning. I can only faintly see the outline of his face and the sinister smile he has curled over his lips.

I'm hearing voices of people who aren't even in this room and I fight to keep my eyes open. Whatever the hell he just injected into my body is too strong for me to fight and with a deep breath, I give in and close my eyes. The pull on my body is intense. It feels as if I've been sucked into some kind of a vortex. My stomach flips and I try to open my eyes, but there's nothing but darkness as my eyes stay forced shut.

The voices-well, a single voice-can be heard more clearly now, but I can't quite seem to make out what it's saying. The pull I was feeling gradually fades and something feels different. Too different. I try not to panic and I realize I'm still holding my breath.

"Faith, you stupid son of a bitch! Get your lazy ass out of bed!"

Ma? I open my eyes and release the breath I'm holding. The light is bright, the room is small and smells of stale cigarette smoke and booze. I grip at my chest as my eyes adjust to the light a little more, but it's the hard slap across the face that jolts me awake.

"Get out of bed!" She screams at me as she grabs my arm and drags me out of bed. "Don't make me beat some fucking sense into you, girl!"

"Ma?" I croak out, my voice slightly different, higher than usual. "Ma?" I ask again, stunned as she forces me to stand up straight and stares right into my eyes, her face inches away from mine.

"Don't you "ma" me, girl."

I realize now the smell of stale cigarettes and booze isn't coming from the room. It's coming from her. I step back and just stare at her. Whatever the hell Roman injected me with, brought me back to the memories of the day my mother killed herself. And I know it's the day she killed herself. The conversation is forever burned deep in my mind. We never had any other quite like it and this is one of those memories I thought I'd buried deep inside of me for good.

"You are going to school whether I gotta drag your lazy ass there or not. Ya heard what that cop said the last time he brought you home. Either ya go to school or you're gonna be thrown in juvenile hall with the rest of your little friends."

When I don't say anything, she hits me again and I can feel my cheek burning. Being a slayer for as long as I have been, I'd forgotten how much being hit actually hurt. I fight back the tears as she storms out of the room and slams the door shut behind her. I look around the room and it is everything I remembered my old room was in the shitty old apartment in Southie. Twin bed, bare walls, a single ratty old dresser and a pile of clothes on the floor.

I find some clothes that smell cleaner than the rest and I head for the bathroom. It's disgusting. My mother never cleaned a day in her life, usually leaving that job to me and I remember that as soon as I hit twelve, I refused to do it anymore. The apartment was always a mess, always disgusting and the only time it ever was "clean" was when someone from social services came over to check up on us.

The thing is though I don't remember this part from my memory. I remember telling my mother to go fuck herself before slamming the door in her face and pushing the dresser in front of the door to keep her out. I remember going back to bed with her screaming at me and pounding on the door. Me being calm and doing as I'm told is definitely _not_ a part of this memory.

I stare at my reflection in the dirty bathroom mirror. I try to fix my hair, but with no brush in sight, I gotta use my fingers to try to get through the ratty mess my hair has become. I find the makeup bag stashed under the sink. I keep fighting back the tears and the fear of what's happening as I apply the eyeliner, not heavily like I used to, but just enough to almost hide the dark circles under my eyes. I skip the red lipstick, even though back in the day that was my thing. Thought it made me look older than I was. I know better now. It just made me look like a little whore trying too hard to be someone I wasn't.

I walk out of the bathroom and into the small living room. It's dark with the drapes drawn shut and the heavy haze of smoke hangs in the air. My mother is sitting in her recliner, a cigarette dangling from her lips and she has a nearly empty bottle of Jack in one hand. This was how I found her later, sitting in her chair, gripping a bottle of Jack, a burnt out cigarette dangling from her lips, her eyes wide open, bloodshot and she was dead. Cold and dead.

"Ma?" I whisper and she turns to look at me. "How about I make you something to eat before I go?"

"With what, Faithy? Ain't got no money for food. Ya know that."

"Then let me take you out for something to eat?" I offer, knowing I always had a stash of money in my mattress that my mother and her loser boyfriend Ray never found.

"With what money?" She snaps and I sigh heavily, knowing no matter what I say, it's gonna end up with her screaming at me. Always did. She's on her feet and grabbing me by the front of my t-shirt in a matter of seconds. "Who did you steal from this time, girl?"

"Nobody," I say as calmly as I can manage. "I had a job."

"You ain't old enough to work! Don't you lie to your own mother, Faithy. Who the hell did you steal from this time?"

"Peter needed help clearing out the apartment below us when that old lady died. He paid me for it fair and square," I reply and she shakes her head. She doesn't believe me. She never believed me a day in my life. "Peter, our landlord? Go ask him if ya don't believe me, Ma."

I want to tell her it wasn't the first time I helped him out. Last time I helped him out, it paid the rent for two months since my mother and Ray couldn't make the money to pay it. But I don't tell her. Like I said, she wouldn't believe me anyway.

"Come on, let's go get something to eat, Ma," I say with a smile.

She rolls her eyes as she sits back down in her chair and grabs the bottle of Jack from the floor. I shake my head and grab the bottle of Jack from her hands easily. She looks stunned as I storm off into the kitchen and pour what's left down the drain. I'm shaking since I know she won't let me just walk away from doing this.

I don't know what she hits me with, but I fall to the floor, the back of my head throbbing in excruciating pain. She barely gives me a minute to recover before she's pulling me to my feet and slapping me hard across the face.

"What the fucking hell do you think you're doing?"

"Saving you," I manage to spit out as I barely cling to consciousness. What I wouldn't give to have those slayer powers right about now. "You're gonna die, Ma."

"Ain't that the way the world works, Faithy? You live and you die."

"Could hardly call what you're doing living, Ma," I smirk. "Come on, let's go eat, okay?"

She stumbles back and runs her hands through her greasy, wavy brown hair. She looks stunned and I don't blame her. Fourteen year old me would never have been this calm. If this is a memory of my past, why or how it's changing I don't know, but I'm starting to like this one a helluva lot better than the original here.

"You really didn't steal that money?"

"No," I say as I shake my head. "Swear I didn't for once, Ma. Come on, I'm pretty sure that little diner down the street is still serving breakfast. Remember? It's the place you used to take me when I was little?"

She looks down at herself and brushes off her clothes. "I'm-I can't go out like this."

"Go shower, put on some cleaner clothes and then we'll go."

She stumbles towards me and I brace myself for another slap or a punch to the face, but instead she gently cups my face and stares right into my eyes. She's fucked up, that's a given, but for a split second I see a string of compassion in her and it takes me all but three seconds to realize that this is no memory. Never in my life have I ever seen my mother show just a string of compassion towards me.

While my mother showers, I try to clean the place up a little. It's horrible and it smells and there's evidence of the hard drugs Ray always leaves lying around everywhere. What I wouldn't give to be able to put that asshole in his place, give him a beat down. I _know_ he's one of the main reasons my mother died. Always coaxing her into trying out whatever new "product" he was trying to sell that week.

All the while, I'm trying to figure out how the hell Roman is benefiting from this. What's the point in sending me back to some long lost memory that I can manipulate to my will? There's gotta be so much more too this and yet, I can't think of one solid reason how this works in his favour.

Unless he's just trying to mess with my head and make me so emotionally unstable that I'll be outta the game for good once the drug wears off. That gives him an opening too since Buffy ain't really the slayer she used to be. She's getting there, but she still has a long way to go.

The kicker is, everything feels so real, so much more than a dream. I don't know if it's 'cause of the drug Roman gave me, or if I am actually re-living this day. Even the hot water in the sink as I wash a small amount of the mountain of dirty dishes scalds my hands every time I reach in for another dish.

Whatever is happening, I don't want to try to think too much about it and just focus on the ever changing memory of the day my mother died.

* * *

><p>The small little diner is dirty, run down, but the food is delicious here. I remember it was closed down before I left Boston-well, ran from Boston and Kakistos. My mother is timidly picking at her plate of food. I ordered her the big breakfast plate complete with bacon, eggs, sausages, a biscuit, two waffles and three pancakes. She's barely touched her food and I think she was surprised at what I'd ordered for her. I got it for myself too and had no trouble polishing it off in record time.<p>

I don't think she gets that I just want her to _eat_ so she can soak up all the booze she'd likely been up all night drinking.

I wave the waitress Mavis over to refill her coffee mug and to order myself another OJ. My mother sighs heavily as she watches Mavis pour her coffee and as soon as she leaves the booth, she pulls out a small bottle of vodka from her purse.

"Ma," I frown as she pours it all into her coffee. "What are you doing?"

"What's it to you?"

"Can't you try to sober up a little today?"

"What are you, my mother, Faithy?"

"I just thought-"

"Thought what? Huh?" She snaps and she smirks at me in a way that makes my skin crawl. "Thought you'd take your dear old mother out for breakfast and hope she'll sober up some? What planet are you living on, Faithy?"

"Earth," I mutter under my breath and reach for my glass of OJ.

I know I'd tried before to get her to sober up over the years. Sometimes it worked, most times she told me to mind my own fucking business so at least her acting like this is somewhere in the middle of what resembles normal when it comes to her.

My mother carelessly lights a cigarette, ashing it almost immediately onto her plate of food. I sigh and reach into the pocket of my jeans for the money I pulled out of the stash in my mattress. She looks at me expectantly, but there's no way in hell I'm handing over the extra after I pay for our meals. I know the first thing she'll do with the money is go out and buy more booze and drink herself to death.

I wait until the waitress shows up with the bill and give her the cash instead of leaving it on the table. I'm not about to dine and dash just 'cause my mother decides to swipe the money before we leave. Wouldn't be the first time.

I take her back to the apartment and it isn't long before she's passed out sleeping in her chair. I make it quick as I look around for drugs and booze, getting rid of anything I can find. For whatever reason I can change this memory-and even if it's just some trip on the drug Roman shot me up with, I'm gonna try to change it anyway and try to save her from killing herself today.

I clear off the couch of the empty chip bags, take-out food containers, empty bottles and clothes and I sit down and just watch her. I spent hours doing this just to make sure she's still breathing. I keep expecting Ray to show up, but he never does and when my mother finally wakes up, she looks confused and angry all at once. Her body is lacking the alcohol it's depended on for years. She makes a move to lunge at me, but I'm still quicker than her and I tackle her to the floor.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She screams at me. "Get off of me you little whore!"

"Ma, stop!" I plead with her, struggling to hold her down long enough for her to calm down. She throws me off of her and storms into the kitchen. "Ma, it's gone," I say as I follow her into the kitchen. She's going through the nearly bare cupboards, throwing whatever is in them to the ground, dishes and all. "Ma! Stop!"

I keep wondering when this will all fade, when I'll wake up-if I'll even ever wake up. I can't handle this. These are the years I've tried so hard to forget.

My mother charges at me again and I'm not ready for it. We both go flying to the ground and my head hits the hardwood floor with a loud thump. I feel dizzy. Sick. Weak.

The sounds of my mother yelling at me starts to fade as everything goes black. My stomach turns and I feel the breakfast I ate leaving me as I struggle to regain consciousness. I feel cold water being poured on my head, but I can't open my eyes. I hear voices, just faintly, but none of them belongs to my mother.

"Did you kill her?"

"No, I just gave her the recommended dose."

"Why isn't she waking up? She's been out for two days!"

Two days? What the fuck?

"Liv, darling, she'll wake up. Give her a moment."

Fucking Roman. Asshole. I want nothing more than to kill him even if it's not exactly possible. I'll find a way to hurt him, to destroy him. No matter what it takes, I'll figure it all out.

I feel the water being poured on me again and I struggle to open my eyes. It reminds me of the first time I got so wasted I was hung-over for the whole weekend. Brutal. The slap to my face does it and my eyes fly open at the shock of the stinging pain on the left side of my face. It takes a few seconds for my eyes to adjust and I'm staring right at Olivia as she watches me, completely amused.

"Welcome back, Faith."

"Fuck you," I rasp. "What the hell did you do to me?"

"Just a little experiment," she replies calmly. "Don't worry, the only long lasting effects aren't going to kill you. At least we hope they won't."

"Liv," Roman growls as he steps out of the shadows and stands next to her in the candlelight. "You've said far too much."

"She should know."

He sighs and stares right at me with his piercing glare that chills me to the core. He turns and leaves without a word, leaving Olivia and me alone in the small room. She starts pacing in front of me and it's making me antsy. I struggle against the chains and the metal burns into my skin. They feel tighter than they were before. Either they are or my mind is playing tricks on me. Probably some kind of after effect of whatever the fuck kind of drug Roman shot me up with.

Olivia stops pacing and she walks right up to me and leans forward, placing her hands on my shoulders and stares right into my eyes with a hard, piercing stare that rivals the one Roman had given me before he left.

"Tell me what memory you were sent back to, Faith," Olivia asks in a quiet voice. I shake my head and she grips onto my shoulders tighter. "Tell me," she barks.

"The day my mother died," I rasp and she lets go of my shoulders and pulls out her cell phone. She dials a number and instantly speaks in a foreign language quickly.

"Impossible," she mutters when she hangs up and she smirks at me as she reaches towards me and gently cups my face. "How did you manage to save her, Faith?"

"Save who?"

"Your mother. She's alive."

What. The. Fuck?

"How?"

"It wasn't just a hallucination that Roman sent you on," she whispers. "He literally sent you back to that day and for good reason too."

"She's alive?"

"And living here in Sunnydale," Olivia replies with a nod. "I know, you must not believe me, but I have a source I just spoke to who has confirmed that detail for me. At least now we know our little experiment worked out just perfectly."

"You wanna tell me what the fuck is going on here?"

"We're trying to alter history, or rather, _your_ history."

"Why?"

"Because we can."

"Not good enough," I growl. "Why do you want to change my history? What good will that do for you or anyone else? I ain't seeing the bigger picture here, Liv. So please, enlighten me with _why_ any of this matters and what's in it for you."

"Now, now, Faith, don't be so harsh with me. I've been nothing but a friendly acquaintance to you, never once harming you and you do know that I could kill you in a second if I wanted to, don't you? Don't you wonder why I haven't yet?"

"Don't know. Don't care."

"Sure you do," she smiles sweetly. "You care more than you even like to admit. Even to yourself. You see, Faith, everything you did altered history the way it was written, the way it was supposed to end up. Our little experiment is going to help us bring back the natural order of life that was destined to be. Yes, you all on your own changed what was supposed to happen with a few series of events."

"Like?"

"You'll be finding that out soon enough," she replies, still smiling ever so sweetly at me. It disgusts me. "But to put it simply, Faith, we're giving you a real second chance here to change the way your life has ended up. Don't you want to change all the bad that you did, make it right?"

"I do," I reply sharply. "Who wouldn't? But it doesn't mean I should."

"Oh but you will. You _want_ to change the way your life ended up. You _want_ to make the right choices and not become a royal fuck-up as you are now. Don't you ever wonder what life would be like if certain circumstances were different?"

"Of course I wonder. I spent a year in prison thinking about all that, but the last I checked you can't go back to the past and change things. It ain't possible."

"It is very possible, Faith. We weren't even positive it'd work, but as I just confirmed, it did. You saved your mother from killing herself. Hats off to you for however you managed to do just that. I have complete faith in you that every little memory you make a visit to, you'll change things and make the right choices. You humans and your conscience work mysteriously that way."

The wheels are starting to turn now as what Olivia is telling me is sinking in hard. They're using me to change life back to the way it should've gone, not the way it actually turned out. Who knew that little old me and the many mistakes and bullshit things in my life would change the "natural order" of life.

And I can't help but wonder what's gonna happen next and if I'll even have the power to change whatever has happened. That thought is there too that if I did everything differently once I was in Sunnydale, would I have still been there to help Buffy and the Scoobs fight Glory? Would me being there have made a difference in whether Buffy lived or died? It's not the first time I've wondered that, but that thought is stronger now more than ever.

Olivia pulls out a syringe with the drug Roman had injected with me before. I take a deep breath and try to relax as Olivia steps forward and gently pulls my hair away from the right side of my neck. I feel the needle against my skin, but she hasn't slid it in yet.

"I'll see you when you wake up, Faith," she says too sweetly and I close my eyes as she slides the needle into my skin.

"Fuck you, bitch," I mutter as I feel the edges of reality slipping away with every steady beat of my heart. The last thing I hear is her laughing before everything goes dark.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

I have no idea how long I was out for this time, but when I wake up, I'm curled up in bed in a motel room and the instant that old familiar smell hits me, I know exactly where I am. I sit up and look around the room and even in the early morning light that's making its way through the tears and holes in the drapes, I can tell that it's not the same room I expected it to be. One huge difference is the fact there is a second double bed next to mine and someone is sleeping soundly with their back to me.

I groan as I stretch out, every joint in my body cracking as I do. I slide out of bed quietly and make my way into the bathroom. There's a small bag on the sink and I open it. Inside there's two sets of toothbrushes, makeup and various other products. I peer back into the room and whoever is sleeping in the bed next to me hasn't even stirred. I splash water on my face before I look at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is much shorter and I'm still wearing last night's makeup. I dig in the bag and find makeup remover and quickly get to work.

"Faith?"

The instant I hear the voice I freeze. I know it's my mother, but she sounds different. Calmer, less hoarse and rough around the edges, not to mention the complete lack of slurring I'd grown up hearing coming from her every time she spoke.

"Faith, what are you doing awake so early?"

"Couldn't sleep," I reply and I hear her get out of bed and make her way towards the bathroom.

"Are you still worried that Kakistos will find us?"

I just take a minute to look at her. She looks so different yet still so much the same. Gone is what I used to think was a permanent smell of booze and cigarettes coming off her like she poured it on her like a perfume. Gone are the dark bags under her eyes, the sores on her face that were caused by all the drug binges she'd gone on before. With just one look, she looks healthy and I feel somewhat relieved.

"Faith?"

"Yeah?"

"Everything okay?" She asks as she reaches out for me. "Did you sleep at all last night?"

"I-I don't know. A little," I mutter and freeze as she wraps her arms around me and hugs me tight. "Ma?"

"Go back to sleep. It's early. If he's followed us here, he won't be able to come to you now that the sun has risen."

"I'm not that tired, Ma."

"Since when do you wake up before noon?" She asks with a smile and she shakes her head when I don't answer her. "Are you sure everything is all right?"

"Just fine, Ma. Perfect even. Had a strange dream, that's all," I reply all too easily. "How about I got grab us some coffee?"

"You know I don't drink coffee," she says with a small frown. "I'll take a steeped tea."

"Right, right," I reply and shake my head as I step past her into the room.

I flip on the bedside light beside the bed I woke up in and I spot a black duffel bag on the floor. I pick it up, place it on the bed, and pull out a pair of clean jeans, a white t-shirt and a change of panties and a fresh crisp-yet plain-bra. My mother disappears into the bathroom and locks the door behind her. I change quickly and run my fingers through my hair.

I grab the simple leather wallet off the bedside table and I check inside. There are a few twenties inside and I'm a bit surprised about that. Never had I ever carried money before that didn't go straight to the manager of whatever motel I was staying in to pay for my room, or fast food, or booze, or cigarettes. I'm out the door before my mother can come out of the bathroom and I walk fast, heading towards Main Street.

I know this time I was sent back to Sunnydale, right when I first arrived here. But right off the bat, everything is different. Like for one thing, my mother is alive and here with me and acting completely fucking normal. Makes me wonder what else is so completely different now that my mother is still alive. I know my life after she died would've been different if she hadn't, but I could never imagine just how it would change things. It seemed like an impossible thing to imagine, but I'm starting to think I gotta get with the program before she figures out that something ain't right here.

It's quiet aside from a few cards driving by and I know it's still early. The Espresso Pump is just opening as I get there and I step inside, grabbing a newspaper from the pile by the door. The first thing I do is I check the date. Tuesday October 13th 1998. The exact day I met Buffy, well, technically I didn't meet her until that night outside the Bronze, but that's not the point.

I have no idea how the hell Olivia and Roman know so much details of my life, but I wouldn't put it past them that they'd probably been watching me a helluva lot longer than I even realize. Whatever their game plan is, they're changing some key points in my past. It's making me feel fucking sick.

"Can I help you?" The girl behind the counter asks. "Would you like something?"

"A large coffee, black and a steeped tea if ya got it," I reply once I find my voice.

The girl nods and busies herself with my order. I take a seat at the table near the counter and flip through the paper, looking for anything out of the ordinary. There's nothing that jumps out at me, just boring news and the obits page is still as long as I remember it the last time I ever picked up a newspaper in Sunnydale.

I pay the girl for the drinks and put the newspaper back on the way out. I nearly run into a frantic looking Xander. He mutters a half-assed apology. I almost say something to him, but I don't. At this point, none of them even knew I existed yet. I hear him ordering donuts, likely for the gang, and I hear him ask the girl to throw in a few extra jellies. I laugh since I know even then, those few extra jellies were never there by the time Xander showed up with them.

My mother is standing outside the motel room door by the time I get back there. She's smoking a cigarette, her long hair damp from the shower. I hand her the cup of tea and she smiles as she takes it. I sip my coffee carefully since it's still hot and she offers me a cigarette that I willingly take.

"What are you planning to do?" She asks me and I just stare at her as I light the cigarette. "About Kakistos?" She elaborates and keeps her voice low. "We came here to find the other Slayer, right? Do you think she'll help?"

"She will."

"Do you even know how to find her? What if she refuses to help you? What if you end up dead like Diana when you come face to face with that monster?"

"Ma, relax. It'll be taken care of and I'll walk away with nothing more than a scratch, if that."

"What did you say Diana said her name was?"

"Buffy."

"What a fucking ridiculous name," she laughs loudly. "Makes ya wonder what her mother was thinking when she named her that."

I force myself to laugh along with her, but stop even though she keeps laughing. I sip my coffee and take a long drag of my cigarette.

"When are you going to start looking for her?" She asks after she's had her fill of mocking Buffy for her name. "Tonight?"

"Yeah. Might be easier to lure her out of the crowd if she senses a vamp is about to make me dinner," I reply, shrugging half-heartedly.

I almost want to head right over to Sunnydale High and walk right into the library where I know I'll find Buffy and the Scoobs, but I don't think I can just do that. Unless I come up with some big, elaborate lie that Diana told me where I'd be able to find Buffy and Giles, it won't even work. I think about that for a minute. It'd work and probably a better way for Buffy and I to meet for the first time. I got a chance here to make a much better impression with her and a chance to just be me and not throw up a façade and make myself look like some kind of a badass slayer with no morals and without a fucking care in the world.

Maybe this whole screwed up experiment Olivia and Roman are using me in will work out more in my favour than theirs? I guess it really wouldn't hurt to try to do things differently. It made a world of difference the last time in whether my mother lived to see another day or met her original fate.

Whatever I am going to do to change things, I gotta figure it out sooner rather than later.

* * *

><p>Around noon, I make the decision to head to Sunnydale High and unfortunately for me, my mother decides to tag along and come check it out in case we decide to stay in town for a while. Her excuse? I need to be in school and finish my education whether I want to or not. I don't tell her off, don't even argue her point. We walk through the streets of Sunnydale and I ignore her as she goes on and on how cute and quaint and quiet the town is and how she could see us settling down here for a little while.<p>

The school grounds are busy with everyone out on their lunch period. My mother tells me to take a look around the school while she goes into the office to talk to someone about enrolling me there. I wait until she's inside the school before I head around to the back. I use the entrance closest to the library and walk right in. the halls are quiet and I make my way to the library doors. I can hear Buffy talking inside, followed by Xander's obnoxious laugh.

I take a deep breath and walk right in. instantly Buffy stops talking, Xander stops laughing, and Giles stares right over at me, looking at me like I shouldn't even be here right now. I brush it off and walk right over to Giles with a smile on my face and stick out my hand to shake his.

"Rupert Giles, right?"

"Erm, yes," he stammers as I shake his hand. "What can I do for you?"

"Diana Dormer told me I would be able to find you here," I reply quickly and he raises an eyebrow at that. "She was my Watcher. She was killed a few weeks ago."

"So sorry to hear that. What is your name?"

"Faith. Faith Lehane. Slayer," I say with a smile and I see Giles letting down his guard a little.

"Another one?" Buffy asks as she walks up to where we're standing. "Giles?"

"As would be expected. She would've been called after Kendra died."

"Right," Buffy replies, looking skeptical as she looks me up and down. "Well, we could always use an extra slayer around here when things get rough," she shrugs and she turns and walks back over to the table to join her friends.

"Diana Dormer," Giles mutters to himself. "I haven't spoken with her in years. The last I know she was off looking for a potential in New York. Are you from there?"

"Boston."

"Ah," he nods his head slowly. "I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. Losing a Watcher is never easy. What was it that killed her? A vampire? Demon?"

"Do not say werewolf!" Willow says nervously.

"Kakistos," I reply as calmly as I can. "He killed her and then tried to kill me. I ran and end up down here. Thought I could get a little help in getting him off my trail when he shows up. What do ya say, B? Feel like hunting down one ugly ass vampire and dusting him with me?"

"A vampire named Kissing Toast?" Buffy laughs. "Pass on that one."

Giles is already scrambling back to his office and I just stare at Buffy like she's gone and lost her mind. Keep forgetting how naïve she used to be back in high school. She still has this aura of innocence to her and it's something I thought I'd never see in her again. But then again, she hasn't died and stayed dead for four months only to be brought back from Heaven by her friends. She doesn't know that darkness yet and I know I am gonna do all I can to make sure she never has to.

"Why are you here, really?" Buffy asks me and I shrug.

"Told ya. On the run from a big bad vamp and I need some help. Diana told me some stories about you so I thought I'd come down and see it for myself."

"What kind of stories?"

"Good ones, don't worry, B. She made you seem like some kind of warrior princess," I say with a wink. I laugh at the look on Buffy's face. She's at complete loss for words. It's pretty fucking cute if you ask me. "So, what do ya say, B? Wanna give me a hand? Came all this way."

"You couldn't pick up a phone and like call before you came here? What if I'm busy?" Buffy asks, the tone in her voice a little cold.

"Hard to pick up a phone when you're on the run from a vamp who wants you dead."

"All vampires want us dead. We're slayers. Doesn't mean we let them get that chance. What's so different about this Kissing Toast guy anyway?"

Giles walks out of his office with a book in his hand. "Kakistos is Greek, it means the worst of the worst. It's also the name of a vampire, so old his hands and feet are cloven," he says as he closes the book. "Do you have any idea what you're dealing with, Faith?"

"Oh I know. I gave him a little souvenir to remember me by when he killed my Watcher. Gonna bet anything that's why he's out for my blood, you know aside from the fact that I'm a slayer and you know what they say about slayers, their blood is like crack to vamps and demons alike," I reply and laugh at the horrified look on Buffy's face. "That's why I need a little help here. Two slayers are better than one, right, B?"

"I uh, guess so? Giles?" Buffy turns to him. "How dangerous is Kakistos? I mean, we'll have a chance if we go after him together, right?"

"Quite possibly, yes, but like with any vampire you encounter, you never know what the outcome will be."

"We'll get him, trust me," I said through clenched teeth. Here I was thinking it'd be easier to get through to Buffy, Giles and the others, but it's turning out harder than it was originally. "He might be big, old, and a helluva lot stronger than your average vamp, but we got a chance if we take him out together, B."

This isn't working. I ain't convincing any of them here. I turn to leave but stop when I feel Buffy's hand on my shoulder, trying to keep me from walking away. Immediately she pulls it away like I just shocked her or something and I offer her a small smile when I turn around to face her.

"Wait," she says softly and I swear I see her blushing a little bit. "Stay. I don't have any classes this afternoon and I was just going to train here with Giles."

"Stay and train?" I ask her, raising an eyebrow at that. "Seriously?"

She nods her head slowly and looks back at Giles who gives her an encouraging little nod. "Yes, seriously. It's not every day a new slayer comes to town, Faith."

"Wouldn't think so, but then again I hear our death rate is pretty high. Or was until you set the bar on that one," I reply with a little laugh. "Actually, I gotta go find my mother. She's trying to enroll me here," I say, rolling my eyes as Buffy smiles a little at that. "I'll catch you later?"

"I'll be here all afternoon," she replies with a smile I know is pretty much forced. "Unfortunately," she adds in a whisper that I know I'm the only one that can hear.

I give her a wink and I leave the library. I all but run into my mother right around the corner and she has a few papers in her hand. I raise an eyebrow at her as she leads the way out of the school and she doesn't say a word until we're about a block away. She stops to light a cigarette and before she does that, she hands me the papers she's carrying. I quickly look them over and they're forms she's filled out with all my information and the last paper is a schedule.

"You start tomorrow morning. You better make sure you show up to class on time and every single day that we're here. Principal Snyder was a hard one to convince to let you enroll considering your records."

"You had my old records with you?"

"All it took was a phone call to your old school and they were faxed right over. I don't think that secretary was impressed with the fact it was over a hundred pages long. Snyder sure wasn't impressed with your track record either, but I convinced him things will be different with you here than they were in Boston. You better make sure they are, Faith."

I laugh and fold the schedule up, and place it in my back pocket. I hand the other papers back to my mother and walk back with her to the motel. We don't talk since I've got too much going on inside my head to have a conversation with her right now and she doesn't seem like she's in the mood to talk either which works out good for both of us.

Soon as she's back at the motel safe and sound, I head back to the school and find Buffy and Giles alone in the library, Buffy now wearing track pants and a tank and Giles in padding and a helmet. I laugh at the sight of it. I forgot what a fucking pansy Giles used to be.

"Ah, we were wondering if you would be coming back," Giles says, panting a little as he takes off the pads from his hands and pulls off the helmet. "If you care to take over, I'll just be in my office."

He hands me the pads and I toss them to the floor as soon as he's inside his office. Buffy gives me a look but doesn't say anything. She walks over to grab the Gatorade bottle off the table and takes a couple of sips. I take my wallet out of my pocket, the motel room key, and my lighter and put it down on the table. I crack my knuckles and stretch a little, all the while keeping an eye on Buffy and watching her as she watches me closely.

"So, what do you say we do this without the pads, B?"

"Do it?" she asks as she crosses her arms over her chest. "And what do you mean by that?"

"Sparring of course. What did you think I meant?"

"Nothing," she snaps. "I never train with someone else if they aren't protected."

"I'm a slayer. Ain't nothing you can throw at me that'll hurt me. Try it, B. It's fun."

"How would you even know?"

"Just a feeling."

Buffy shakes her head no and I catch her rolling her eyes at me as she turns and starts to walk towards Giles' office. I reach out and grab her arm to stop her. She nearly jumps away as soon as we make contact. She has this weird look in her eyes and I gotta wonder what the hell is up with that. I don't want to flat out ask her, but colour me confused here. Buffy ain't ever jumped whenever we touched before, at least not that I ever saw.

"Where ya going, B? Afraid to get a little sweaty with me?" I ask with a wink that sends her into a deep blush.

"Are you always like this?"

"Like what?" I ask her as I step back and lean against the table.

"Like…this," she says as she waves her hands at me.

"I'm just me."

"I can see that," she says under her breath and she casts a glance towards Giles' office before she lets out an exasperated sigh. "Fine. Let's do this your way."

"You got a safe word ya like to use?" I ask her and she blushes again, but not nearly as bad as before. "Come on, everyone has a safe word, B."

"How about we use "stop" like normal, sane people do?"

"Fine by me, girlfriend."

I have to admit I missed this Buffy. The one with the aura of innocence and the one that made it easy to fluster with a few words and a couple of winks and flirty smiles. This Buffy was easy to be around even when it wasn't. Everything changed that night I accidentally killed Finch and I wonder if I'll get the change to change that too at some point or another. At this rate, I'm full out enjoying this little experiment. The least I can do is enjoy it while it lasts, right?

If Olivia didn't tell me anything, I would've thought this was nothing more than a dream, a hallucination caused by the drugs. Maybe it is and she's just fucking with me.

Buffy throws a hard right hook right at my face and I don't see it until I feel the pain of her fish crunching into my jaw.

"Oh I'm sorry, Faith, I thought you were ready," she drawls, that smirk I've grown to love over time twisting my heart into knots.

"If I wasn't ready then, I'm ready now," I quip as I swipe her legs out from under her and she falls to the floor. "Now we're even, B."

"Sure we are, F."

We go back and forth, throwing easy and predictable moves at each other. Buffy picks up the pace and in no time she has me pinned to the floor. We're breathing heavily and I'm trying so hard to forget what it was like when we were fucking and the way she felt against me as she pinned me to the bed, fucking dominating me like no one else ever had before.

Buffy is staring hard down into my eyes and she eases her grip on my wrists a little. I watch her as she bites her lower lip and I make my move. I flip her around until I'm on top and I got her hands pinned to the floor above her head. My face is just inches from hers and I feel her groan softly as I grind my hips down against hers.

What I wouldn't give to know what's going through her mind right now. The way she's staring up at me is so intense it's driving me fucking crazy. I just want to kiss her, take her behind one of the bookshelves and fuck her until she can't take it anymore, all the while making her stay quiet and doing all I can to keep her from crying out my name as she comes.

Fuck, now I'm wet and I can't wipe the image of the way she looked when I made her cum hard over and over again the other night.

I get up and try to shake it off. In this point in time, Buffy literally just met me an hour ago and here I'm thinking of fucking her in the library with Giles less than fifty feet away. Not like it's any different than the first time I met her, but the point is, I know I can't be thinking like that. Buffy sits up but she doesn't stand. She's flushed and I'm not so sure if it's 'cause of the sparring or if it's 'cause of the position I'd just put us in.

"I uh, I think I'm done training for the day," she stammers and she stands up quickly. "Um, Faith?"

"Yeah, B?"

"Do you want to come over for dinner? I'm sure Mom would love to meet you."

"Sure, never can turn down some free food," I smile and she rolls her eyes.

"And you can invite your mother too if you'd like."

"Great."

She tears a piece of paper out of her notebook and scribbles down her address. She hands it to me and when our fingers touch, I feel that spark I always feel with her, but it's more intense. Different.

"Come around six. We'll go out on patrol after and I'll show you the sights of Sunnydale after dark complete with vamps and demons alike."

"See ya then, B."

I watch her walk out of the library quickly, nearly dropping her bag as she grabs it on the way out. I can't help but smile a little and I turn around to find Giles standing right there behind me.

"Training go all right?" He asks and he's clearly not amused.

"Went great. B's got some moves, that's for sure."

"I've made a couple of phone calls to the Council to confirm you are who you say you are. Indeed Diana Dormer is dead and they're sending you a replacement Watcher as soon as possible."

"Let me guess, another tweed-wearing English guy who goes by the name Wesley Wyndam-Pryce?"

Giles looks flustered and he removes his glasses, pulls out his hanky from his pocket, and starts to clean them. "How do you know that?"

"Wild guess?" I try.

"Wesley will be arriving within days," Giles continues and he picks up the pads from the floor where I'd tossed them. "In the meantime, I will be acting as your Watcher and I do expect you to show up daily for training and to patrol each night alongside Buffy. We'll be evaluating your skills as a slayer once Wesley has arrived, and until then, I expect only the best from you. Diana was a good colleague of mine and a well-respected Watcher."

"Of course, G."

"Bloody hell," he mutters under his breath as he walks back into his office. "I'll be expecting you here after school is out. On time. No excuses."

I give him a nod when he turns to look at me and he disappears back inside his office. I hear him mutter another "bloody hell" under his breath before he shuts the door. I grab my stuff and head out of the library. The halls are quiet and as I pass a few classrooms, I hear the discussions and chatter coming from beyond the closed doors.

I start feeling dizzy before I make it outside and I grab on to the walls, trying to steady myself. I make it outside and I faintly can see Buffy up ahead of me. I try calling out her name, but I collapse to the ground, the world spinning around me.

I try to hang on to this moment but it's gone within the blink of an eye. I wake up in the same room I was in before, still bound to the chair, but I'm alone this time and the candle has nearly burnt out.

I gotta wonder how much longer this little experiment is gonna go on. I don't know how much more I can take. I feel completely drained. I'm hungry, dehydrated, and looking to kick some serious ass even if it ends up with me getting killed in the end.

But hey, whatever doesn't kill us can only make us stronger in the end. I'm just hoping that saying stays true and that I make it through this bullshit in one piece.


	19. Chapter 19

****Author's Notes:** Just felt like updating randomly today *shrugs*...remember, share the love and send feedback, maybe I'll even update again this week on Friday, who knows ;) Also, Happy 4th of July to my American friends/readers!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Nineteen<strong>

Every time I drift in and out of consciousness, I keep expecting to end up somewhere in the past. To say I'm fucking disappointed to wake up still in this chair, bound by chains I cannot break, is a serious understatement.

I don't know when the candle burnt out, but the darkness is almost comforting now when I open my eyes. If I could guess, it's been almost nine hours since I woke up from that last so-called trip to the past. I keep wondering when Roman or Olivia are gonna come back in and give me another dose of their little magical time-changing drug. Or whatever the hell it is.

I hear whispered voices approaching the door and I struggle against the chains, hoping maybe now I'd somehow gather the strength to break free. No such luck. Olivia walks in alone, carrying a tall candle that she quickly replaces with the old, burnt out one. I blink a few times, letting my eyes adjust from the darkness. I notice she has a bottle of water with a straw in it and a shitty looking half sandwich that despite the way it looks it makes my stomach growl.

"Here," Olivia says as she places the straw to my dry lips. "Drink."

I eagerly drink the water and despite the fact that it's warm, it's wet and that's all that matters to me right now. I drink the entire bottle and Olivia pulls the straw away from my thirsty lips.

"How are you feeling, Faith?"

"How do you think I'm feeling, Liv? Just fucking peachy," I reply, the sarcasm dripping from my voice. "How much longer are you gonna fuck around with my life here?"

"As long as it takes to achieve the goal."

I roll my eyes and she picks up the sandwich and holds it out for me. I eye it suspiciously and she sighs, sounding annoying as she lifts the top piece of break up to reveal some kind of meat, likely chicken or turkey, with a wilted piece of lettuce and rubbery looking cheese. No mayo, no mustard, not even hot sauce. She holds it closer to me and I take a bite, grimacing at the bland taste, but thankful I'm even being fed in the first place. I have no idea when I ate last. I lost track of the days as soon as I woke up in here.

"It's all I had," Olivia says and it almost sounds like she's apologizing for having to feed me the world's shittiest sandwich.

"It sucks."

"I know," she laughs and I finish it, swallowing the last bite hard.

I watch her carefully as she pulls out the syringe from her pocket. She checks for bubbles before pulling my hair away from my neck. She bites her lip and stops as the needle hits my skin.

"Anything you want to say, Faith?"

"How about a great big "go fuck yourself"? That work?" I say through gritted teeth.

Olivia smiles sweetly before jabbing the needle hard in my neck. Damn. Thought she would've been gentle like the last time. Guess telling her to go fuck herself really set her off. I feel the liquid pump through my veins and I'm out in a matter of seconds.

My chest feels heavy all of a sudden, my stomach turning in knots and it almost hurts to breathe. I can hear voices, someone shouting my name and then I can feel a hand gently cup my cheek, a soft thumb stroking gently as I struggle to open my eyes.

"Faith?" Buffy's voice comes through loud and clear. "Faith, wake up," she says urgently. "Oh god," I hear her mutter under her breath as she starts to shake me. "Faith, please wake up."

"B?" I ask before I open my eyes and I hear her sigh in relief. Following that she slaps me across the face and I can only smile as I open my eyes. "What's going on?"

"You were kicked in the head. I thought you were dead!"

"It's gonna take a helluva lot more than a kick to the head to kill me, B."

"Whatever. Get up."

I look around and instantly I remember this alleyway. I get up from the ground and pick up the crossbow that had been next to me. It takes a second for me to realize just what night I've come back to. That night I accidentally killed Finch. What a fucking coincidence. From the looks of things, it hasn't happened yet. I look up and down the alley, looking for Balthazar's minions, the El Eliminati.

"We got to get to the warehouse," Buffy urges as she pulls on my arm to get moving. "They've been coming at us one by one, but I know it won't be long before dozens more show up and come at us all at once."

"Yeah," I sigh as I touch the side of my head. It's tender and I can feel the warm sticky blood matting my hair. "Uh, B? Anything else happen aside from me being kicked in the head?"

"No, but we can't stand around and wait to find out what else is going to happen. Are you okay to keep going, Faith?"

"Just peachy," I reply with a smile.

We head down the alley together, walking quickly and I know it won't be long until those vamps show up for a fight. No sooner than I think it, five of them jump us from out of nowhere, but I'm ready. I use the crossbow to dust three of them before they can get too close and then it jams. I pull the arrow out and stake the one closest to me while Buffy takes care of the last one.

"Faith!" Buffy yells as she grabs another and throws him to me.

I am about to take the vampire, but I sense quickly that this is not a vampire. It's Allen Finch. I stop myself from staking him and let him slide down the dumpster, shaking in fear, stammering illegible words as he grips his chest.

"Jesus, buddy, watch where you're going, yeah?" I pant as I throw the arrow to the ground. "Dangerous place to be tonight. Or any night after dark in this town."

"So-sorry," he stammers as he stares up at me with wide eyes. "I thought you were going to kill me."

"Oh god," Buffy whimpers as she takes a couple steps back, clearly shocked at what had almost happened. "Faith, you almost killed him!"

"You threw him at me!" I reply angrily and I take a few deep calming breaths before I look back down at Finch. "What _are_ you doing walking around a back alley just crawling with vamps and other nasties anyway?"

"I-I was on my way to see you and the others," he replies breathlessly. "I have some important information you-you can use against the Mayor."

Shit. All along he was trying to find us and probably try to help us eliminate the Mayor before his ascension. I don't want to stand here and think of all the things that could've gone differently from this point on. We got more company headed straight for us.

Buffy heads for the vamps, trying to fight them off and I grab Finch by the arm and drag him to his feet. He yelps, but doesn't fight against me. He's scared and he has every reason to be. I drag his pansy ass down the alleyway to where I hope he'll be safe. I motion for him to stay before I go running back to Buffy.

She's got two dusted, but about seven surrounding her. I pull out the stake from my back pocket and I jump in, standing at Buffy's side in a matter of seconds. The El Eliminati doesn't look happy we're getting the upper hand, but right now I could give a fuck about that. All I want to do is el eliminate their asses.

It's a fast paced fight that keeps me on my toes. Duck, cover, roll, stake, repeat. Buffy is handling a few on her own and I can't help but watch her out of the corner of my eye. Damn she was in better form in high school than I saw the first time around. She catches me watching her and throws me a smile before she spins around and dusts the vamp making a move for her from behind.

I toss my stake with precision and stake the other as she grabs the last one. She doesn't stake him, but she holds him by his throat and stares into his beady orange eyes.

Before I can watch her stake the last one and we can continue on, things start getting blurry. Fuck, not again. It wasn't near as long as the first two times. I try to steady myself, try to keep myself in the moment, but I fall to the ground, shaking as wave after wave of nausea hits me.

I feel Buffy grab me, but I'm slipping away too quickly. I want to stick around, find out what kind of information Finch had for us on the Mayor. I want to see how different everything would've been after this night. I _have_ to see it. The one major game changer in the last couple of years and it's being pulled away from me like a child having its candy taken from him at the playground by the big bad bully fat kid with a mullet.

Fuck.

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><p>I hear Olivia and Roman yelling at each other, but I can't quite make out what they're saying. It's a mix of English and Spanish, but even the English sounds like gibberish to me. I breathe in slowly and deeply, trying to clear my head. It's like the drug they've been giving me has worn off, but I'm still stuck somewhere in between. At least that's what it feels like.<p>

My body becomes a little more relaxed as my senses begin to clear and I'm able to open my eyes. Olivia and Roman are still arguing, but they're not yelling at each other anymore.

"You didn't give her enough, you fool!" Roman hisses and he slaps her hard across the face. "I told you after the last one, a full vial per dose!"

"It'll kill her," Olivia objects. "The last thing we want to do right now is _kill_ her, Roman. Killing her will defeat the whole purpose of this little experiment and you know it."

"She did what was needed. She's changed everything. We're done," Roman growls and he storms out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

"Idiot," Olivia mutters and I watch her as she picks up the syringe off the table. It's half full, a little more than the last dose, but not near as much as the first or even the second. I don't even know if she's aware I'm awake right now, but I'm guessing she doesn't even care.

"Why would it kill me?" I ask quietly and she jumps a little, startled at the sound of my hoarse voice. "Liv? Thought you said it wouldn't kill me?"

"It won't if we don't give you large doses," she replies a little more calmly than I expected her to.

"That why the last one felt like it wasn't even half an hour this time?"

"Faith, honey, you've been out for six hours."

"Didn't feel like it."

Olivia laughs and steps towards me. "You have no idea how different things are now, do you, Faith?"

"No clue," I reply. "How about you tell me, bitch?"

"Oh," she tittered excitedly, "now that wouldn't be any fun, would it?"

I roll my eyes and she grabs my hair and yanks my head back. With the strength she put into that, I'm surprised she didn't snap my neck clean off. I wince in pain as I struggle to keep my eyes on her.

"Lose the fucking attitude, _Faithy_, you know it's never gotten you anywhere in life."

"Got me places, but can't say they were ever good places," I retort and she jams the needle into my neck in the same spot as the last three fucking times. "Ever think of sticking that somewhere else?"

My voice is already slurred as she's injected the liquid into me in one shot. I don't know why she's even bothering. Everything had to have been different after I didn't kill Finch, right? What kind of mistakes would I have made if I did everything right the first time? It doesn't make any fucking sense.

I try to fight it off even though I know there's no point. I do try though 'cause I'm a fighter like that. Stubborn as hell too at times.

The last thing I hear before there's nothing is the sound of Olivia laughing yet again. What I wouldn't do to kill this bitch, Mother or not. She's gotta have a weak spot. They all do. Sooner or later I'll figure it out, but in the meantime, I just gotta figure out how to get the hell out of this room and away from them before they drug me up with their little magical time-jumping drug again.

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><p>I blink and I'm lying on a bed. The room is bright and smells like vanilla, roses, and a hint of lavender. I smile a little since just lying here on this bed feels familiar, like I've done this and been here in this room a million times before. I know for a fact though that this is not a part of my past, not at all. Nothing about this place is in my memories, but hey, I'll take whatever I can get from this point out just as long as it doesn't involve slaying or reliving my past while trying to change it.<p>

"Faith, are you even listening to a word I've been saying?" Buffy's voice snaps me out of it and I jolt upright on the bed. She's sitting at a desk not far from the bed and I look around the room. Two beds, two desks, a mini fridge and a pile of books on the desk she's sitting at. "Faith?"

"Huh?"

"I've been trying to tell you about my classes and all you've done is lay there with this stupid smile on your face the whole time!"

"How long ya been talking?" I ask her and she growls, full out growls, but it's not an angry one. It's a playful one. Before I can even blink, she tackles me and has me pinned to the bed before I can even figure out what the hell is going on here. "B?"

"I swear I don't know why I keep you around, baby."

_Baby_? What. The. Fuck?

"Maybe it's because I love you," she whispers and I freeze. Completely and fully freeze and even stop breathing as she says those three little words to me.

Buffy doesn't seem to notice the fact I'm seriously freaking the hell out here and she leans down and kisses me ever so softly. I let go of the breath I've been holding and start to relax. The way she's kissing me is so very different than those few times we'd been up all night fucking like there was no tomorrow. There's feeling in this kiss and I've never felt anything like it.

She lets go of my hands and lies fully on top of me. I slide my hands up her arms, around her shoulders and down her back. I feel her shudder against me and she deepens the kiss, moaning as I respond just as eagerly. This is nice. This is different. I could totally get used to this.

I don't know why I hadn't noticed it before, but I'm only wearing a pair of panties and a tank top and so is Buffy. The feel of her smooth legs against mine as she slips a thigh between my legs just cannot be described. It makes me wet and my body is revving up, aching for more.

I slide my hands under her tank, feeling the softness of her back as my hands inch upwards. The bed is small, only a twin, but I can work with that. Buffy bites on my bottom lip suddenly and I swear I almost came in my panties. Fuck. I move my hands down to grip her ass and I force her to grind up against the leg she's straddling. She moans and my whole body tingles.

I turn us over quickly and Buffy lets out a surprised squeal as I end up on top. I break away from the kiss and just stare down at her. god she's so fucking beautiful and she's looking at me in a way I've never seen her look at me or even Angel before-at least not that I saw anyway. Right away, I notice the few hickies along her neck, they're small and fading already but I have no doubt in the back of my mind just who gave them to her.

I decide to test the waters, see just how far she'll let me go right now. Obviously she's all for it. She initiated this whole thing. I'm not about to turn down sex with Buffy just 'cause I know I'm all drugged up and this can't really be happening.

I kiss her lips ever so softly and pull away before she can kiss me back. She pouts and I smirk a little as I dip my head back down and trail my lips along her neck lightly. I nip at the love bites on her neck and she moans, her hands going to my head and her fingers intertwining in my hair. Using one hand to hold me up just hovering over her, I use the other to palm her breast and she arches into me, seeking more. Her nipple hardens and I give it a little pinch before I trail my lips further down and across her collarbone.

I look up at her and she has her eyes locked on me and she's biting her lower lip. Fuck. She's so sexy and I just want to fucking ravish her. Before I can go any further, she pulls me up and kisses me hard. I never used to be much of a kisser if I wasn't fucking the person I'm kissing at the time, but damn I could get used to this.

I slip my hand down her stomach and up the front of her shirt. Her skin is hot and smooth. I palm her bare breast and her hands move from my head. She rakes her nails down my back through the thin material of my shirt and I don't know how much more of this I can take without getting us a little more naked here.

I grind my hips down against hers and I can feel how hot her pussy is even through her panties. I growl as I move my hand down and cup her a little hard. She shudders as she spreads her legs for me and I try to slip my fingers past the soft cotton panties. She's so fucking wet, so hot, and so ready to be fucked, yet before I can slip a finger inside of her, she grabs my hand and pulls it away.

"Faith, baby," she sighs as she breaks away from the kiss. "We can't. I have to study and Will is going to be home soon."

I frown as she plants a soft kiss on my lips and gets off the bed. I roll on my back and lean up on my elbows and watch her as she straightens out her shirt and walks over to the desk. She picks up a pair of sweatpants off the floor and pulls them on and I frown even more.

"Faith, where are your pants?" Buffy asks as she turns around to look at me. I shrug and lean back against the pillow and place my hands behind my head. "Faith," her tone says she is serious and I can only shrug again.

I wonder how she'd react if I told her I just woke up here like this? Better not risk that.

"Here," she says with a huff as she picks up a pair of black jeans off the floor and throws them at me. "Put them on. You know I so don't want a repeat of what happened the last time."

"No?" I ask as I raise an eyebrow at her. "Not a fan of Red walking in on us doing naughty things to each other?"

"Please, stop. You promised me you'd never bring that up again!" Buffy says, completely mortified and she sits down at the desk and opens up one of her textbooks. "Just put your fucking pants on, Faith."

I smirk as I get up from the bed and pull my jeans on. She's annoyed and looks so fucking adorable. Normally I wouldn't think an annoyed Buffy would be adorable, but hell we just made out and it's quite clear we're very much together, or maybe not together but fucking like we were before all this shit went down and the past changed.

My brain is going crazy right now with questions I know I ain't getting any answers to anytime soon. At least not while this drug is doing its job here. I want to know how Buffy and I got here, wherever _here_ is. I want to know how much has changed and how much is still very much the same. Hell, I even want to know how this whole situation is even relevant for Roman and Olivia's little experiment they're putting me through.

I feel something in my pocket and I reach in and pull out a set of keys. At least one I am positive is a key to a Harley. I raise an eyebrow as I look around the room and spot a pair of worn leather boots next to a black helmet and leather jacket. I look around the room a little more and see there's another helmet, only it's pink and I'm only gonna guess that it belongs to Buffy.

My curiosity is getting to the better of me now and I start to poke around the room aimlessly, looking for something that'll help me get a few answers here. The first thing I notice is the pictures on the bedside table next to Buffy's bed. There's one of us with the Scoobs, definitely taken at graduation. There's one of her and her mom. Then there's a few of just the two of us, and in at least three of the framed pictures we're holding each other and smiling like complete idiots at the camera. And the one that makes me stop and pick it up is the one where we're kissing and we're standing just outside the gates of Restfield cemetery.

Damn, if those pictures of the two of us don't have "we're in a relationship" written all over them, then I don't know what else to call it. I put the picture back down and look over at Buffy. She's too busy scribbling something down in her notebook and furiously flipping through the pages of her textbook at the same time to notice I'm snooping around.

I move over to Willow's side of the room and she has similar pictures on her bedside table, of the gang and of Tara. At least she found Tara. I was almost worried maybe that wouldn't have happened. Don't know why, but it was just in the back of my mind that maybe things would've been different for her this time around. Guess no matter how much the past changes, even if it isn't hers directly, she's still who she is despite it all. Makes me wonder even more so how Buffy and I ever ended up together. Did not killing Finch really affect our friendship that much, so much that somehow it turned into a relationship?

"Oh my god," Willow gasps as she all but tumbles into the room and slams the door shut behind her. "You have no idea what I just had to talk my way out of!"

"What?" Buffy asks as she looks up at her.

"Riley Finn."

I make a face and Buffy only laughs. I hated that asshole so much and I hated it more that he didn't know I was in Buffy's body when he fucked me and told me/her those three little words I'm pretty sure he hadn't told her before that.

"What did he want?"

"Only tried to persuade me into talking you into giving him a chance," Willow replies and she looks over at me and smiles sweetly. "Hi, Faith."

"Hey," I nod at her. "What'd you tell him? That Buffy is with me, right?"

"Of course," she replies quickly. "But he's convinced she's just going through a "phase" or something, being in college and all."

"This is not some phase," Buffy says as she stands up and walks over to me. She wraps her arms around me and pulls me in close. "You know that, right?"

"Sure."

"I love you, Faith. Nothing can ever change how I feel about you. The last six months have been the best months of my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything."

I'm gonna wake up from this any minute now. I can feel it. The dizziness, the blurring, the fading of the voices and the world around me hitting me all of a sudden. I do the only thing I can do and I kiss her with all that I have in me.

If this is how life would've ended up if I made all the right choices, hell, if I'd known, I would've done it all the first time around.

But there's that lingering thought in the back of my mind as everything fades away completely. What if this is just one big joke? What if this is just a way for Roman and Olivia to trick me into thinking life has truly changed and it makes me absolutely batshit crazy in the end?

Guess only time will tell.

Just don't know how much more of this I can take.


	20. Chapter 20

******A/N: I appreciate each and every one of you who are kind enough to leave a review :) I'm going back to posting on Sundays again (unless I get behind in writing chapters, but we'll see)  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty<strong>

I wake up back in the chair, still chained, but something feels entirely different. _I_ feel different. I can't even begin to explain why or how, but I just feel it. There's almost something different about the sounds I'm hearing just beyond the door. It's not just voices, there's crashing sounds and it takes a few seconds before I realize that someone is out there fighting their way past Roman and Olivia.

The buzz deep down inside me tells me it's Buffy out there fighting them and I struggle against the chains even knowing it's useless to try to break past them. I strain to hear the fight outside, but it's muffled by the door. I hear Buffy yelling out in pain and my heart leaps into my throat. A few minutes pass before she comes crashing through the door. She's beaten but not badly and Roman and Olivia aren't right behind her as I expected them to be.

"Oh, Faith, you're alive!" She cries out as she runs right over to me. "I thought they killed you!"

"B," I croak as she starts to cry. "I'm okay."

"I thought I'd never get to see you again," she shivers as she leans down and cups my face gently with her hands. "Next time you're gonna get yourself kidnapped, don't."

I don't know if I'm convinced that everything really did change in the world or that my life is completely different now. What if Olivia just told me that to fuck with my head? I look up at Buffy and she's crying. Why is she crying? I struggle against the chains and she lets go of my face and walks around behind the chair. She fumbles with something, a lock I think and after a minute she has me free.

"Thanks, B," I whisper, my throat too dry to talk without some pain.

She does something I don't expect. She straddles my lap and kisses me frantically. I'm a bit in shock even though I know I shouldn't be, especially not after that last little "trip" I was sent on. I pull myself together and manage to wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her back. I have no energy, but I still manage to give it all I have just to kiss her back.

"Let's get out of here, baby," she whispers when she finally pulls away from the kiss.

"What'd you do to them?" I ask her wearily as she helps me get up from the chair. "You know you can't kill either of them, right?"

"I know, but I wasn't going to let that stop me. As soon as we found out where you were, I had to come. Just because Roman is the Immortal and Olivia is the Mother, making her the ultimate big bad, doesn't mean I'm just going to let them keep you. You're mine, Faith. Nobody gets to have you but me."

I chuckle softly at the possessive tone in her voice as she helps me walk out of the room. We're in some kind of a basement and she helps me over to a set of stairs.

"What happened to them?"

"Olivia disappeared soon as I started fighting Roman. Don't know why he ran off, but he did just before I found you."

Buffy practically has to carry me up the stairs. I feel pathetic and weak. I hate depending on someone else like this. It's never been this way and I don't ever want to be in this position again. Buffy leads the way through what looks like an abandoned warehouse. Sunnydale never seemed to be in short supply of those. It's night out, but I can sense it's still early.

The fresh air has never felt better than it does right now as we step outside. I almost collapse as I breathe in big deep breaths of fresh air. Buffy tightens her grip on me and leads me away from the warehouse. My legs feel like spaghetti and just thinking of them feeling like spaghetti makes my stomach rumble loudly, reminding me it's been far too long since I've eaten.

I lean against Buffy and breathe in deeply. The way she smells has all my senses tingling wildly. She stops walking and looks over at me, smiling as she wraps both her arms around me and we're face to face.

"I'm taking you home, baby," she whispers. "It's been a week. You need to rest, shower definitely," she says as she makes a face, "and after you do that, I'll cook you something good to eat."

"You can cook?"

That earns me a little pinch on the ass and my eyes open up wide. Buffy just laughs and plants a sweet little kiss on my lips before she lets go of me and continues to help me walk away from the warehouse.

"I'll order pizza or Chinese, whatever you want."

"How about you?"

"Only for dessert," she says and I glance at her just in time to see her wink at me.

The way she said it and the way she rubs her hand against my waist as we continue to walk makes my whole body buzz. I don't remember ever feeling this way for anyone before. It's kind of scary, but I love the feeling I'm feeling right now.

I see the Scoobs up ahead as soon as we turn a corner. Willow is the first to run over to us, hugging both of us at the same time while babbling on and on about how she thought she'd never see either of us ever again. I'm quickly ushered inside a black SUV and Buffy is right there with me in the back seat as the others pile in. Giles is behind the wheel, Xander up in the front with him. Tara and Willow are in the seat behind us. Dawn is in the back with Willow and Tara and Anya is sitting on the other side of me unfortunately.

I can't pay attention to anything they're all talking about. My head is spinning. I'm exhausted, I'm fucking starving, and it's hard to stay focused with Buffy next to me with her arm around me. She's stroking my arm and with the other, she has it rested on my thigh closest to her and she's making tiny circles that has my whole body burning.

"Hey, Faith," Anya says as she pokes me in the leg Buffy isn't touching. "Are you okay? Did they rape you?"

"Anya!" Everyone in the vehicle yells at her and she shrugs them off.

"Well?"

"I'm tired and no, they didn't rape me or do any sadistic shit."

"Really?" Anya looks skeptical. "What did they do to you then? Just keep you tied up somewhere? Did they torture you?"

"Anya, stop," Buffy snaps at her. "You say one more word, and I'll hurt you."

"Buffy," Xander says lowly as he turns around in the front seat to look back at her. "You know she doesn't mean anything by that. She just wants to know what happened to her. We all do."

"And we will figure it out as soon as we get her home and she rests for the night," Buffy counters and she plants a soft kiss on my temple. "Don't worry, baby, you don't have to talk about what happened until you're ready to, okay?"

"We're not taking you home," Giles says as he makes a hard right at the intersection. "There are a few pressing matters we need to attend to first and foremost. We need to find out what happened in the last week. There are a lot of questions we need answered."

"You can't wait one night, Giles?" Buffy asks and I look at her to see her glaring at him even though he can't see her. "She's been gone for a week and been through who knows what and you can't even give her one night to rest?"

"B, it's okay," I whisper and she looks over at me quickly. "It's okay. They wanna know and I'll tell them all that I can. And then we can go home, okay?"

"No! Not okay! Giles, turn around and take us home!" Buffy says firmly and loudly and Giles slams on the breaks. I can hear Dawn giggling behind me, over what I'm not sure.

"Take them home, Jeeves," Dawn snickers and that makes me burst out laughing. Now I get it.

I'm trying not to panic with the way Buffy is being with me. Affectionate and loving and none of the others have even said a word about the way she's acting. When Giles pulls up to a row of townhouses just a few blocks away from Revello Drive, I don't even know what to think. There's a Harley parked in the driveway and next to it is a cute little red sports car I could've sworn was almost the same car that Giles had before.

"When you are ready to talk, Faith, you know how to reach me," Giles says, offering a smile before Buffy helps me out of the back seat. "And for heaven's sake, call your mother right away. She's worried about you."

I nod my head and let Buffy lead the way up to the front door. She pulls out a set of keys from her jacket pocket and unlocks the door.

"We're home?" I ask her as I raise an eyebrow, moving away from her and stepping inside on my own.

"Yes, we're home," Buffy replies and she flips on the lights in the front hallway. "Home sweet home, at least it has been for the last year."

We're living together? I shake my head and slowly walk into the first room to the right. It's a living room with a big screen TV and what looks like the most comfortable leather couch I've ever laid my eyes on. Buffy moves to stand in front of me before I can walk into the room any further and she wraps her arms around me, smiling sweetly at me as I slowly wrap my arms around her and hold her close.

"No shoes in the living room. You know that," she whispers as she moves us back out into the hallway. "You really should go have a shower. Or would you rather me run you a nice hot bath and join you?"

She doesn't give me a chance to respond. Her lips are on mine and she's kissing me deeply. She moans as my hands slip down to her ass. She pulls away, pouting a little and I'm left standing here all confused about what the hell is going on here. Buffy kneels down on the ground in front of me and unties my boots, slowly helping me get them off.

"Um, shower first. Definitely," she mutters as she wrinkles her nose. She opens the front door and tosses my boots out on the front porch.

"Can't be that bad," I chuckle as she slams the front door shut.

"Oh it's bad, Faith. Come on," she says as she puts an arm around me and leads me up the stairs. "Do you need any help in the shower, baby?"

"I'm sure I can manage on my own all right, B."

"If I'm being clingy right now, I'm sorry," she says softly as she leads the way into a huge bedroom and over to the door to the bathroom. "It's just that we haven't spent more than two days apart in the last two years. I thought they killed you, Faith."

Two years? Us? Seriously? I want to ask her more about how that happened, but I don't and keep my mouth shut. The less I say right now the better. Don't know how Buffy will react or what she'll think if I start asking all these questions about things I obviously should know.

Buffy disappears into the bathroom and I look around the bedroom. The bed is huge with crisp white sheets and duvet with about twenty pillows of all shapes and sizes. There are pictures on each bedside table and more on the long dresser. I hear her fumbling with something in the bathroom and I try to peel off my clothes I've been wearing for a week.

And that's when I see the ring on my finger. A simple silver band on my left ring finger. How the hell have I not noticed this until now? I know it's not even legal for two chicks to get married, but how did this even happen? I've never been the committed relationship type in my life and the last person I ever expected to go down that road with is Buffy Summers.

Looks like Roman and Olivia's little experiment really did work, or this is just another one and it's fucking with my head big time. Whatever it is, there are a lot of things I need to figure out the answers to and fast. It's like I'm living an entirely different life now and everything feels so strange and foreign.

I manage to get out of my dirty clothes with a little bit of effort and I walk into the bathroom, already starting to feel like my energy is slowly coming back. I catch my reflection in the mirror and I'm a complete mess. My hair is one big rats nest, the bags under my eyes are worse than my mother's used to be and my skin is paler than it usually is. I look like I'm sick and dying.

"Water is just right," Buffy says, smiling as she turns to look at me. "Are you sure you don't want me to join you, baby?"

"I'm sure," I manage to squeak out, but Buffy just shakes her head and strips out of her clothes quickly.

I can't help myself and I just let my eyes roam all over her body. She winks as she takes my hand and leads me into the large shower stall. I got a feeling this shower is gonna use up all the hot water in the house.

The shower is pretty fancy, two shower heads and enough room for both of us to move without bumping into each other. Buffy gives me some space to wash up and I wince as I run my fingers over the bruises on my arms where the chains were wrapped around. Even my chest and stomach have bruises in shape of the chains. A nice long sleep and some food and slayer healing will kick in and they'll be gone by the morning.

As I lather the shampoo in my hair, I watch Buffy as she stands under the hot spray of water with her eyes closed and a small smile curled over her lips. Fuck, she's so sexy. Just wish I had a little more energy right now 'cause all I wanna do is fucking ravish her until she begs me to stop. She runs her hands through her wet hair, I spot a matching silver band on her left ring finger, and panic stirs up inside of me.

How serious is our relationship? Did everything change so much that the laws changed as well and we're really fucking married? I shake my head and rinse the shampoo from my hair. When I open my eyes, Buffy is standing just a few inches in front of me and she's smiling.

"Hey," I nod my head at her as I reach for the conditioner bottle. "See something you like, B?"

"Oh I do," she replies in a low, husky voice that sends chills down my spine. The good kind of chills.

"B, remind me of how we started dating?" I ask nervously, wondering if she'll be angry that I can't remember. She just laughs and wraps her arms around my waist. "Just want to hear your side of things again, that's all."

"The summer after I graduated, we patrolled together every night. One night we were walking through Restfield, it was a slow night and warm too. We were talking about boys and you kept asking me why I hadn't dated anyone since we met. I don't know how it happened or why, but you kissed me right in the middle of me trying to explain why I wasn't dating anyone."

"Yeah? And then what happened, B?"

"You know what happened," she laughs. "You took me back to the motel you and your mother were still staying in. She was working nights that day and we spent the whole night making out on your bed and were caught by your mother when she came home from work an hour early. I still have a hard time looking at her. I mean she did catch us practically naked with your hand in my panties and your fingers inside me."

I smirk at that. What I wouldn't give to have that memory burned in my mind.

"Are you okay, Faith?"

"Fine, B," I say with a small smile. "Just tired. Besides, I like that story when you tell it."

I feel her fingers stroking my skin just above my hips. It feels so good just feeling her touch me like this. But I'm too exhausted to do anything about it and I step under the water to rinse the conditioner from my hair. Buffy steps out of the shower first while I turn off the water. She waiting for me with an open towel, a matching one already wrapped around her body.

"Go lay down for a little while, baby. I'll order us something to eat," she says as she takes my hand and leads the way back into the bedroom. She lets go of my hand, pulls just about all the pillows off the bed, and pulls back the duvet. "What do you feel like?"

"Whatever you want, B. Doesn't matter. I'll eat anything right now."

"Okay," she smirks and she picks up the phone on the bedside table. "Call your mother. She's been worried sick about you."

I nod my head as I take the phone from her. I watch her as she lets the towel fall to the floor and slips on a white robe. She looks at me as she picks the towel up from the floor and uses it to dry her hair a little. I smile at her and she winks before she walks out of the bedroom.

I sit down on the edge of the bed and sigh heavily. This is becoming a little too much for me to process right now. It's a completely different world, at least a different life for me. How the hell am I gonna adjust to this without anyone else, especially Buffy, figuring it out? I go through the address book on the phone and find "Chris", my mother, and hit dial.

The phone rings and rings until it's finally picked up, but it's not my mother on the other line.

"_Hello?"_ A man asks and I don't know what to say. _"Buffy? Is that you?"_

"It's Faith," I utter in reply.

"_Chris, it's Faith!"_ He shouts and I lay back on the bed, my eyes feeling heavy as the exhaustion starts to kick in full blown.

I hear my mother talking frantically in the background and a crashing noise before she grabs the phone out of this mystery man's hand.

"_Faith? Is that you? Are you all right, honey? Did they hurt you?"_

"Ma, I'm fine," I say evenly.

"_We were all so worried about you! Buffy looked for you every single day and not once did she find you. Was it her who found you or did you manage to escape?"_

There are just too many questions all at once and it's making the room spin around me. I close my eyes and breathe in and out slowly, trying to get the swirling to stop.

"Buffy found me," I say after a minute and I hear a huge sigh of relief on the other end. "I'm just really tired right now, Ma. Thought I'd let you know I'm five by five."

She goes off, rambling on and on about how worried she was and how careless I was for allowing myself to be taken in the first place. I keep my eyes closed and try not to drift off to sleep as I try to listen to her. I feel Buffy take the phone from me, yet I can't even open my eyes to look up at her. I hear her tell my mother I'm too tired to talk and that I need my rest. She's quiet for a few minutes before she starts to convince my mother that she doesn't need to come over tonight and that I'll be perfectly fine and back to normal tomorrow morning.

"Thanks," I whisper as I feel her lay down in bed next to me once she's hung up the phone.

"She's coming over," Buffy says, sighing heavily as she wraps an arm around my stomach. "Couldn't talk her out of it. You know how she is. You two are so much alike it's not even funny. Both so very stubborn."

I chuckle softly and barely manage to open my eyes to look over at her. "Did you order some food?"

"Pizza will be here in half an hour. We better get dressed before your mother and Jason show up."

"Who is Jason?"

Buffy sits up and raises an eyebrow at me. "Jason, your mother's fiancé? Faith, are you sure you're all right?"

"I don't know," I shrug and I have to figure out how to cover it up and fast. "Whatever they did to me, it's making me forget a lot of things right now."

"Things like what?"

"Everything," I whisper. I stare up at her and wonder if she's buying this. I can't tell if she is or not and I ain't so sure that's a good thing. I just watch her as she gets off the bed and walks over to the closet. "B?"

"Maybe Giles was right about talking about what happened this week," she says as she keeps her back to me. "What _do_ you remember?"

"I know who I am, who you are, who everyone else is, but I don't remember this house or anything like that," I reply honestly.

"God," she sighs under her breath and disappears into the closet, emerging a few minutes later dressed in a pair of sweats and a white tank. She's holding another pair of sweatpants and a black tank and she places them on the bed next to me. "Tell me what happened to you, Faith. Talk to me, baby, please."

She helps me dry off and get dressed. I lay back down on the bed and close my eyes, fighting off the urge to fall asleep and avoid telling her everything that had happened. But I know I can't avoid it. Not now after I've let it slip I don't remember anything because I wasn't here to experience it all for myself.

"Can you get me a beer?" I ask her when I finally manage to open my eyes.

"You don't drink, Faith. Not ever."

"No? Shit," I groan and I sit up on the bed slowly. "I don't know if you'll believe anything I'm about to tell you, B, and it's a long story so bear with me here."

She sits across from me on the bed and holds both my hands in hers. I take a few deep breaths before I start with what happened when I first woke up chained to that chair. As I tell her the story of what happened, what Roman and Olivia injected me with and what happened to me while I was on the drug, she lets go of my hands and moves back at little as shock and anger flash in her eyes before the tears start to fall.

I told her everything after and the way life had been before I went through that mind-fuck of an experiment no thanks for Roman and Olivia. I told her of all the mistakes I made, the kind of person I used to be, the things I did to her and her friends before I went to prison for killing two innocent men. I told her how she died fighting Glory and that's when she stopped me from going on any further.

"Faith, I didn't die."

"You did," I say softly. "Gunn broke me outta jail so I could come back here. Sunnydale needed a slayer and I was the only one left after you died, B."

"No."

She either doesn't believe me or doesn't want to. I continue on anyway, telling her all that I can about life in Sunnydale with her dead and gone and how it was when her friends had brought her back to life. I stop talking for a few minutes, wondering if I should tell her what had been going on between the two of us before Roman and Olivia kidnapped me. I've told her everything else, but I'm not sure she'd want to hear how she was using me 'cause she was fucked up and needed to feel something other than feeling numb and angry all the damn time.

"This is crazy," Buffy mutters and she gets up off the bed. She starts to pace around the room, looking over at me every couple of steps before looking away. "How is this even possible, Faith?"

"Fuck if I know, B. How do you think I'm feeling right now? I'm fucking confused to shit and wondering how this is even possible! There is no way to change the past, I know 'cause I spent a year in prison wondering how to do just that. Even Angel told me you can't change the past, but you can change your future."

"Angel told you?" Buffy bursts out laughing. "How could Angel tell you anything? How do you even know who he is? He was _dead_ before you even came here!"

"He's dead?"

"I killed him," Buffy says as she calms down and lowers her eyes to the floor. "I sent him to hell and he's never coming back."

"And Spike?"

Buffy pales and she looks back up at me. "You know what happened to Spike? He saved Dawn, he saved all of us when Glory opened that portal. He jumped in to close it, not even knowing if it would work since he wasn't human. We don't ever talk about it. Ever. You hear me, Faith? Don't talk about Angel or Spike ever again."

"B?" I call out as she storms out of the bedroom. "Jesus," I groan and I get out of bed and follow her downstairs. "Buffy, I'm sorry, okay? I told you it's all different now. How am I supposed to know these things? It's not like Roman or Olivia cooked up a batch of some magical drug that'd give me all the memories I'm supposed to have here."

"I have a question for you, Faith," Buffy snaps as she backs me up against the wall by the stairs. "If you knew what Olivia and Roman were planning all along and if you changed the past, why didn't you stop them from ever coming here in the first place? Why didn't you stop Glory from doing what she did to all of us?"

"I would've if I could've, B, but it's not like I had a choice in where I was being sent back."

"I'm calling Giles," she says as she storms off into the kitchen.

I walk into the living room and lay down on the couch. I was right before. It is one helluva comfortable couch. I hear Buffy yelling into the phone at Giles, telling him everything I just told her. I can't keep my eyes open any longer and I give in to the pull of sleep.

I have a feeling that no matter what I've just been through, now that the word is out, it's gonna be one helluva long night.

I'm just hoping we'll be able to find some answers that make even just a shred of sense.


	21. Chapter 21

****Author's Notes:** So, it's not exactly Sunday yet (for me anyway) but I'll be far too busy tomorrow to squeeze in some time for an update. Enjoy :)**

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty-One<strong>

I'm not too surprised to be handcuffed and tied to a metal lawn chair Buffy brought in from the back patio. Soon as Giles showed up, he ordered her to do just that and just like the good little slayer she is, she obeyed him without a second thought.

At least Giles showed up before my mother did and he stopped her from coming into the house. She screamed at him for a little while outside before he managed to convince her that everything would be all right and that he'd get to the bottom of things before the morning. He told her I was unstable. Dangerous. I hear her call him a liar before she left.

That was over half an hour ago and I'm sitting here watching Buffy pace around the living room while Giles sits on the couch and stares at me curiously. Nobody has said a word and I've got to admit it's freaking me out a little bit. I can't figure out if they believe me or if they think I've lost my mind or that I'm not really Faith and that maybe I'm some doppelganger that came from some other dimension and replaced the real Faith. No matter what they're thinking, obviously they don't trust me if they had to handcuff and tie me to this uncomfortable, ugly ass chair.

"Are you willing to answer some questions, Faith?" Giles finally breaks the silence and I nod my head a little. "Just what did they tell you before injecting you with this drug?"

"That I was a part of an experiment and once they figured out it worked, Olivia told me they were using me to restore the natural order of life or some shit like that."

"Interesting," Giles mutters as he opens up a notepad and writes in it quickly. "This drug they gave you, they didn't happen to mention how they got their hands on it, did they?"

"No. Roman didn't say much of anything to me. Olivia did though and I ain't so sure why."

I can smell the pizza Buffy had ordered that arrived just before Giles did. It's sitting forgotten in the kitchen and the smell of it is making my stomach rumble. It's bordering painful here. What's a girl gotta do to get fed around here? Should've just kept my mouth shut until after I ate something at least.

"You say you were sent back to specific moments in the past in order to change the events that played out?" Giles asks and I nod my head. "But you had no choice in what specific moments you were sent back to?"

"No, I was just sent there and figured out for myself on what had to be changed or whatever," I reply with a shrug. "Look, you guys don't believe me and I get that. Is it really necessary to handcuff me and tie me to a fucking chair? I ain't gonna hurt either of you, if that's what you're worried about here."

"It's not that we don't believe you. We're just taking some precautions," he says calmly and he looks over at Buffy and she immediately stops pacing. "Buffy, can I have a moment alone with Faith?"

"Are you crazy?"

"Perhaps," he chuckles, "but there are some things I need to speak with her about alone."

Buffy hesitates for a moment before she leaves us alone in the living room. I try to shift in the chair, but Buffy tied the rope so tight I can barely even breathe much less move.

"I must admit that I do fully believe you, but I'm not positive that Buffy does," he says and I cock my head to the side and just stare at him. "To put it simply, there are certain instances where I know things had changed and even though I wasn't fully aware of those changes, it all makes sense now after hearing what you'd just gone through."

"So this time travel shit, it's real?"

"Through magic, very powerful magic, it is speculated to be. Yet, it is completely unheard of than any being on this earth has that power in them to produce something such as that. We know nothing of the one who calls herself Mother and we know very little of the Immortal. Because of our lack of knowledge on both of them, I'm afraid we've underestimated their power. For this to happen now is alarming. I'm beginning to believe that they chose the right moment to change the past to work in their favour. Whatever it is they have planned, we won't be able to see it coming now."

"They're working for the First."

"Impossible," Giles quickly disagrees. "We already know that the First is involved. As for the matter of whom is working for whom, we believe the First is working for the Mother, for she is the one who created every creature on this earth that is not human, or so the tale speculates. As for the Immortal, he is working for the First, but only by the bidding of the Mother, who controls him as she controls all the other inhuman creatures in our world."

"So you believe me?" I ask him, just to be clear. He nods his head and smiles sincerely. "All this was done to work in their favour? How?"

"I have absolutely no idea, but I have ways in finding out although those ways may take far too long and give them the opportunity to do whatever it is they have planned. Buffy has spoken with me about having prophetic dreams as of late. Have you had any yourself?"

"G, I ain't slept in a week and can't remember any dreams from before that."

"I'll take that as a no then," he says with a slight chuckle. "As for the dreams Buffy has been having, it involves something neither of you are prepared to take on yourselves. It could happen tomorrow, it could happen next month or next year. We're not entirely positive."

"What could happen?"

"The First Evil is trying to rise, to become corporeal and resume its previous position here on earth. It is something that has never come to pass and for good reason. The First Evil comes to our earth as a corporeal form, and humanity is lost. We have no chance at surviving the world as it changes into its personal haven full of chaos and death."

"Great. So, what's the game plan then?"

"Uh," Giles stammers as he removes his glasses and looks at me. "There is no plan per se and unfortunately there won't be until we've uncovered as many facts as we can about the Mother, the Immortal, and the First Evil."

"So, what do we do until then? Ya gonna keep me bound to a chair or what?"

"Er, no," he says quickly. He clears his throat as he rises from the couch. "You do understand why you're bound at the moment, right?"

"Bit yeah, but I just spent the better part of the last week chained to a fucking chair, Giles!"

"I am unfortunately the only one with vague memories of events that involve you that are perceived to have never happened. I do know you are emotionally unstable and borderline dangerous no matter how much you preach to have changed."

"That's such bullshit!"

Buffy is back in the room in an instant and she's staring right at me while holding a long kitchen knife. I roll my eyes as she walks over to Giles and whispers something in his ear I can't quite make out.

"You cannot keep her here, Buffy. This is not the same Faith as she was a week ago. This is not _your_ wife, not in the subconscious sense."

"Wife?" I yell and Buffy shoots me the dirtiest look and it makes me shut up. Damn. Talk about being whipped. Didn't know I had it in me. I chuckle at that and Buffy walks right over to me and slices the rope off with the knife. "Jesus, I thought you were gonna kill me."

"Despite who you are, Faith, the last thing I want to do is kill you," she replies calmly and she walks about to the back of the chair and unlocks the handcuffs. "And Giles? She's staying here where I can keep an eye on her. If she tries anything, none of you will be able to stop her before things get out of hand. At least I will be able to."

"I forbid you to keep her here with you alone until we know all of the facts!"

"You can't forbid me to do anything, Giles! This is my _wife_ who I only married three weeks ago. This is supposed to be the happiest time of our lives, but no, of course it's not! We never even got to go on our honeymoon yet!"

I smirk as I cross my arms over my chest. Giles is flustered and Buffy is royally pissed off. As much as the wife thing should scare the hell out of me, it doesn't. I have too much other shit on my mind to be scared over the highest level of commitment I never thought was possible for me to be in. ever. Especially not with Buffy.

"Get out of my house," Buffy growls at Giles as she pushes him towards the front door. "Now."

"Buffy I-"

"Go!" She yells and he turns and walks out the front door. Buffy slams it behind him and locks it. I see her shaking a little before she takes a few deep breaths and turns around.

"B-"

"Why didn't you say something before?" Buffy snaps as she walks right over to me and grabs my shoulders. She yanks me up from the chair and I try to steady myself on my feet. "God, I feel so stupid. I should've realized there was something different about you!"

"B, please calm down," I say softly. "It doesn't have to change anything."

"Of course it does! You might be Faith, but you're not the one I fell in love with and married."

Ouch. Guess I deserve that since it's true.

Buffy's crying now and I don't know whether to give her some space or wrap my arms around her and let her cry in my arms. Doubt she'd let me do that anyway at this point so I just step back a few steps. She reaches out and slaps me hard across the face and I'm left standing there stunned as she walks out of the living room.

"I'm an idiot," I say to her once I find her in the kitchen. "I shouldn't have gone along with everything and let you think I was _her_."

"You are her," she whispers as she leans against the sink with her back to me. "I feel it even now, that connection we've always shared, the one that brought us together as you said once. Whenever I'm around you, all I can feel is you."

"It's like a full body buzz, right?"

Buffy nods her head, but doesn't turn around. "It's the greatest feeling in the world to me, Faith. I've missed it more than I can even admit. It's why I thought you'd lost your mind when you started telling me the things that had happened to you."

"B-"

"I don't want the others to know what you told me," she says as she turns around. "It's better that they never find out. Giles agrees with me on that so at least we can trust him not to say a word."

"Where does that leave us?"

"I don't know," she frowns and I take a step towards her. "I'm so in love with you, Faith. You've made me so happy the past two years and to feel like that's all going to change is killing me right now."

"Told ya, B, it doesn't have to change anything. I can try to be the one you fell in love with," I say, offering her a small smile even though I know I sure as hell ain't gonna be able to pull this off.

"Try?"

"I ain't nothing like the one you're in love with. I've done a lot of bad things in my life I can't just forget, even if I have changed the past. Those kinds of things just don't go away. Always right there with you even if you don't notice it. I can't promise you that I won't fuck up from time to time, 'cause I will."

I'm starting to wonder if things would've been better off unchanged. Or even forgotten. Maybe even having me forget what had happened before, to forget who I used to be and how I used to view the rest of the world. I want to kill Roman and Olivia for putting me through this, for making me change my life and end up here and now, with everything I ever wanted and more and I can't even fucking enjoy it!

"Look, before with you and me? We were never really friends 'cause of a lot of shit that went down that was pretty much all my fault. This whole thing gave me another chance and knowing what I have with you now after always thinking it was entirely impossible, I don't want to go back to where we were before."

"Faith, I could never hate you."

"You did, well you did before but you don't quite remember. God, this is so fucking confusing!"

"Baby," she sighs as she wraps her arms around me for a split second before she remembers what's really going on and backs away. "I'm sorry."

"Don't," I smile a little. "I kinda like this side of you. I can safely say it's a side I've never seen before."

Whatever it is I just said to her set her off. She starts to cry again and turns her back to me. I curse in my head and wrap my arms around her from behind. She struggles against me but doesn't put up much of a fight.

"Look, I know this is hard for you, Buffy. I don't know how to make it better. I don't even know where to start," I say softly. "Doubt we can get things to change back to where they were. Always thought that time-traveling and changing the past was just fiction. Never thought it was possible, you know? But there are certain laws of physics at work here and I know that even if we tried, we can't bring back the way life once was. It just doesn't work that way. You can change it but you can't change it back to where it was originally. Something always ends up being different."

Damn, who knew reading all those comics and sci-fi novels growing up and in prison would come in handy. Just hope to hell that all those writers weren't just pulling these "facts" out of their asses.

"I know. Giles covered this before," she says as she turns to look at me. "I just don't know how to believe any of this."

"Me neither. I'm still thinking maybe they shot me up with another dose of that shit and this ain't actually happening. Their plan was to get me out of the way and it looks like it's working."

"Don't say that," Buffy sighs softly. "This is real, Faith."

"Hallucinations always feel real until you wake up and realize it was just a figment of your imagination."

"Maybe you just need to get some sleep?" Buffy offers and I shrug and let go of her. I move to the pizza box and pick up a slice. It's cold, but I don't care. I'm too hungry right now.

"Maybe," I mutter between bites. I grab another slice before I head into the living room, fully intending to sleep on the couch since I'm sure that's where she wants me and not in her bed. Buffy follows me and she stands there with her hands on her hips as I sit down on the couch. "What?"

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Gonna crash right here."

"No, you're not. We made a deal when we moved in together. None of us ever sleeps on the couch even if we're pissed off and not speaking to each other. I don't care if you don't remember that, but a deal is a deal, Faith."

Looks like Buffy still has that bossy streak in her. Guess some things never change.

There are a lot of things I wanna say back to her, but I keep my mouth shut. I head upstairs and crawl into bed still wearing my clothes. Don't know or care what side she sleeps on since as soon as my head hits the soft, fluffy pillow I'm out.

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><p>I keep waking up every couple of hours, mostly since I expect to wake up still chained to the chair with Olivia or Roman waiting to inject me again. But every time I open my eyes, I'm in bed with Buffy sleeping soundly next to me. the fifth time I wake up, I know I've slept longer than I had all night, but something is different and it's the fact that I got Buffy curled up next to me with her head resting on my chest and her hand resting on my stomach.<p>

I manage to slip out from under her and I head down to the kitchen in the dark house slowly and quietly. I turn on the light above the stove and I search through the fridge for something to drink. Beer, even wine, but there's nothing in there. Nothing but healthy food and a few take-out containers.

I search through the cupboards. There's gotta be at least one bottle of booze in here for special occasions or some shit. I find a pack of cigarettes and taped to it is a note in my handwriting. Well, it's not so much a note but a date and it just so happens to be Buffy's birthday of last year. I shrug, tear off the note and open the pack of cigarettes. I search around for a lighter and the best I can find is a box of matches in one of the drawers. I head out the back door and light one, inhaling deeply and nearly coughing out a lung as the smoke hits my apparently born-again virgin lungs hard.

"Fuck," I hiss under my breath as I try to recover.

"I knew it wouldn't be much longer until you came out," Olivia says as she steps out from behind the tree closest to the porch.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Checking in on you," she replies with a smile. "How are you settling in to your new life, Faith?"

"You really fucked up, you know that, Liv?"

"Did I? Things not going well for you here? Let me guess, you told her everything? Typical," she laughs as she steps forward. "Can I have one?"

I shrug as I hand the pack over to her. She pulls one out and lights it with a gold Zippo. "So this is real then?" I ask her. "Or is this just another one of your little experiments, Liv?"

"It's real," she replies casually. "But it didn't quite work out as well as we had planned."

"Oh no?" I smirk as I move to sit down on the steps leading down to the grass. "How come?"

"You weren't supposed to remember anything that happened. Something must have gone wrong."

"No shit," I laugh and she moves to sit next to me. I want to shove her away but I let her sit down. Aside from her pumping me full of that mystical drug, she really hasn't physically hurt me. Yet. "What gives?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why do you care so much if I changed anything in my life and don't give me the same bullshit answer you gave me before."

"It's not a bullshit answer, Faith. Be lucky I even told you anything. Roman said it would be a bad idea if I said anything. It wasn't part of the plan, but what can I say? I don't listen to anyone but myself."

"How long have you been following me?"

"A long time, longer than you even realize."

I shake my head and take a small drag, inhaling slowly and feeling the smoke burn my lungs in a way that makes me want to puke. "Why me?"

"I've told you already."

"I know, but I just don't fucking get why," I snap at her and I shake my head hard. "How is me having what seems like the perfect fucking life help you and your little lap dog?"

"You weren't supposed to remember," she mumbles under her breath. "Honestly, Faith, it wasn't supposed to turn out this way."

"Why should I even believe you? You're the reason everything is so fucked up right now!"

"Everything would've ended up a lot worse and we can't have that. If that happens, things won't work out in our favour and I always get what I want. It's just too bad I had to wait so long to make it happen."

"You talking about an apocalypse here, Liv?"

"Not just any, _the_ apocalypse. The First will rise and there will be nothing any of you can do to stop it. By doing this to you, we've changed many course of events that have made it nearly impossible for it to happen. But now, all thanks to you, Faithy, it's going to happen a lot sooner than we planned."

I laugh and flick my cigarette to the ground. A big bad giving me tips on the impending apocalypse we're about to face? This just doesn't happen. She's fucking with my head. She's gotta be. Unless she's one crazy bitch and she's telling me these things to give me a chance to stop it all.

I don't know why I haven't tried to fight her yet, but maybe it's 'cause I know she's not on their side, but she's not on ours either. It's just a feeling I'm getting and can't quite shake it off.

Olivia stands up and moves to stand in front of me. She takes a long drag of her cigarette as she stares down at me, her eyes burning into mine. I feel almost in some kind of a trance just staring back up at her and I blink a few times, suddenly worried about powers she might have-one of those being able to control my mind or some shit like that.

"Let me ask you something here, Liv," I say as I rise to my feet slowly. "How is you telling me all this gonna help _you_ out?"

"It will," she chuckles eerily. "No matter what you know, you cannot stop what's about to happen."

"We'll figure it out. Always do," I reply confidently and I smirk at her when she opens and closes her mouth, stammering a little as she tries to figure out some kind of a come-back. "Look, I don't know whose side you're on other than your own, but whatever it is that's about to go down, better hope to hell we don't figure out a way to end you 'cause I'll tell you one thing, Liv, nobody fucks with me and gets away with it, especially when they fuck with my life."

"Is that a threat, Faith?"

"What do you think?" I snap at her and I step down the few steps until I'm standing a few mere inches in front of her. "I know you can't fix it, but fuck with me one more time and believe me when I say I will stop at nothing to put an end to you and your pathetic excuse of a life."

I see her trying to size me up, trying to see if I'm bluffing. I'm not and she takes a couple steps back. She laughs as she shakes her head at me. "I'll be seeing you around, Faith, and in the meantime, why don't you try to fit in around here and try not to give it all away. You do know that the more people who find out what happened, the better the chance you'll end up locked up in a psych ward and that is the last thing I want to have happen. You're no use to me locked up. I figured that out the hard way when you were in prison."

I watch her walk through the backyard and to the back gate. She's gone before I can say something else to her and she's left me standing here, reeling with a million different thoughts about just what her real plans are and what I have to do with them.

I got one hell of a challenge ahead of me now. How do I fit into this projection of a perfect life when I know I'm just not built for something like this? I don't know how to be the perfect Faith, to love Buffy the way she wants me to, to be there for her and the others in the way they've seen me be there for them. Not to mention my mother is here, alive and well-doing a helluva lot better than she ever has in her life.

And most importantly, how am I gonna stop Olivia and stop this very real apocalypse from happening before it falls out of our hands completely?


	22. Chapter 22

********Author's Notes:****** I'm starting to think you guys are getting the wrong perspective of this story...heh heh**

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty-Two<strong>

This morning was a little tense once Buffy woke up. She found me sitting in the kitchen flipping through the morning paper I picked up off the front porch. I never did go back to bed after my little run-in with Olivia. Buffy didn't say a word to me though as she made the coffee and started to straighten up. I don't think we said a word to each other for about three hours. There were a lot of looks exchanged and it was driving me crazy since I had no idea what the hell was going through that head of hers.

There's one thing though and that's the fact that I cannot imagine what she's going through right now or what she's feeling. I can't expect her to talk to me. She knows I'm not the Faith she's madly in love with and married to.

Around noon, Buffy gets a phone call from Giles and I overhear her say that things are downright weird right now between us. She's quiet for a long time, listening to whatever Giles is saying on the other line and then I hear her tell him that we'll be by the Magic Box soon.

Now I'm sitting here at the table alone, while Buffy and Giles are talking in the training room in the back. Anya is behind the register, busying herself by counting the money she's made so far today. She keeps looking over at me suspiciously and when I catch her, she just smiles sweetly and goes back to counting the money. I shake my head and laugh and flip through one of the many books on the table, some of which are on other dimensions that are tied in to this one.

"Hey, Faith," Willow says cheerfully as she and Tara come in through the front door, hand in hand. "How are you feeling today? Much better I bet?"

"Peachy, Red."

Tara looks over at Willow with wide eyes and I shrug it off and go back to trying to read the book in front of me. I hear them whispering to each other, Tara looking a bit paranoid while Willow looks nothing but confused. There are more whispers and in an instant I find myself bound by an invisible force to the chair I'm sitting in.

"Really, guys? Don't you think I've been bound to a fucking chair enough as it is?" I ask, really fucking annoyed and trying not to get too pissed off.

"You're not Faith," Tara says as she stares right at me. I notice it's Willow who threw the magic-mojo at me, her eyes are darker, but not quite black. "Who are you?"

"I'm Faith," I say evenly.

"You're not. Your aura is different, darker. Who _are_ you?"

"Told ya, Tara, I'm Faith," I say and Willow shakes her head and squeezes her fist in the air and I can feel the magical restraints tighten around my body. "Fucks sake, Red, what gives?"

"Answer the question," Willow says lowly and I swear I almost hear her growl. It finally gets Anya's attention and she moves out from behind the register and stands next to them.

"What are you guys doing to Faith?" Anya asks as she steps in front of Willow and almost immediately I feel the restraints loosening. "Willow?"

"It's not Faith," Tara says and Anya just bursts out laughing.

"Are you smoking your herbs again?" She laughs and she turns to look back at me and snaps her fingers and immediately I'm free of the invisible restraints Willow put on me. "Of course that's Faith."

"Look a little closer, Anya," Tara replies and Anya looks at me long and hard. "Her aura is different. It's darker. Don't you see? It's not her. It's just_ something_ that looks like her."

"Well, it's not a demon," Anya says and I'm up on my feet before one of them can use their freaky witch-mojo on me again. "If it was a demon, I would've sensed it the second she walked in the door. It's Faith. She came here with Buffy. They were acting all lovey-dovey as usual."

I raise an eyebrow at that. We weren't. Sure Buffy walked in holding on to my hand, but it was more to make sure I didn't make a run for it I'm sure. Willow sure doesn't believe Anya and she waves her hand at me and sends me flying back into the bookcase behind me. Giles runs out at the sound of the commotion and he's at my side, helping me to my feet.

"What on earth is going on out here?" He demands as she looks over at the others. "Have you forgotten the one simple rule I've made? No magic while you're in the shop. Faith, are you all right?" He asks and I nod my head a little as I straighten out my clothes. "Will someone explain what is going on?"

"That's not Faith, Giles!" Willow says angrily. "How can you not tell that it's not her?"

"I assure you that this is Faith," he replies and he points to the chair I was sitting in and I sit back down. "If you will all calm down, I will explain everything."

"Where's Buffy?" Willow demands as she stays where she is and places her hands on her hips. "She should be here. She should know better than any of us that this is not Faith."

"I've sent her to retrieve a few things from my flat. Now would you please just calm down, shut up and sit down while I explain a few things to you?"

Willow grumbles under her breath as she, Tara, and Anya take a seat at the table across from me. With three pairs of eyes staring down at me, I suddenly feel very nervous. I know how powerful Willow is, but I'm getting this feeling things are a lot different now and she's likely a helluva lot more powerful than ever before.

I'm gonna bet anything that the whole idea of not telling the others is about to go to shit. Buffy ain't gonna be happy about it, but it's not like it can be helped.

I cross my arms over my chest and stare right back at the three of them. Giles sits next to me and removes his glasses. He pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a few deep breaths. I can tell he's trying to figure out the best way to tell them just what the hell is going on here. There really is no "best" way and even I know that.

Giles begins to tell them what has happened and none of them says a word, they just alternate between looking at him and back at me. He tells them all he knows about the coming apocalypse, about the plans that Olivia and Roman had right from the beginning and how all these events in my life has altered the course of the future, the natural order of life. When he starts to tell them about the magical drug I was given by Olivia and Roman, I can tell the three of them are starting to doubt everything he's saying, well, Anya isn't since she's got this "I knew it" look on her face.

Every time Willow or Tara tries to interrupt, Giles puts a stop to it and he continues on, telling them everything that he knows from what I've told him last night. When he tells them of the changes he noticed over the years, the little details that happened without anyone noticing too much how drastically different things were becoming, Willow gets out of her chair and she's angry.

"This is such a lie, Giles!" She yells at him. "Don't you see that whatever this is, it's not Faith and it's trying to mess with our heads, feeding you lies and making you believe things that just aren't possible!"

"It's possible," Anya interjects before Giles can say a word. "I've heard of the Mother and how powerful she is. I wasn't even aware her power could work outside of her own dimension."

"Anya, why haven't you said anything to us before?" Willow snaps at her. "We could've known about this before it even happened! We could've been prepared for this!"

"Even if I said anything, you wouldn't have believed me just like you don't believe a word Giles is saying right now. You are just a child," she says as she points to Willow and glares at her. "You have absolutely no idea what lies beyond this dimension, the power others wield and the things that are so very possible."

"Like a magical time-travelling drug?" I mutter and Anya just nods her head. "You know about this thing?"

"I do," she replies and Willow sits back down next to Tara, looking a bit worse for the wear. "It hasn't been used much before and the way it has been used hasn't been on something of this scale. Normally, from what I've heard over the years, it's been used to prevent certain beings from coming here, from taking over a certain dimension, things like that. It's never been used on a human being before and for a good reason. Nobody knew if it'd work the way it does on those that aren't human. Faith wasn't supposed to remember anything."

"That's what she said," I say under my breath and they all look right over at me.

"She?" Giles asks and I nod my head slowly.

"Olivia came around early this morning to check in on me and she told me a few things," I reply and Giles groans as he shakes his head, likely pissed I hadn't said anything to him about this before. "One of the things she told me was what Anya just said. I wasn't supposed to remember anything."

"And the other things she told you?" Giles asks. "Faith, it's important you tell us what she said to you."

"We can't stop what's about to happen or what's coming. She told me that 'cause of me, 'cause of the changes I made when they shot me full of that drug a couple times, that what was once impossible is now very possible and that it'll happen a lot sooner than we think. We ain't dealing with any old apocalypse here, guys. She told me it is _the_ apocalypse."

"And you believe her?" Willow asks and I nod my head. "Why?"

"She hasn't lied to me yet," I reply with a shrug. "Don't know what else to believe. If anything she's been the only one who has been honest with me right from the get go. She's never tried to hurt me. She just used me to change things to work in her favour. Do you realize that she could've killed me in an instant? And yet she never once tried to hurt me or kill me."

"And how do we kill her?" Willow asks, looking over at Giles. He just shrugs and she turns to Anya. "There has to be a way," she says and Anya shakes her head no.

"She can't be killed or harmed. She's impervious that way."

"Then what can we do to stop her?"

"We can't," Anya says, frowning as she stands up. "Nothing we can do can stop her. She's created all inhuman beings, but she didn't create magic or evil. The First did, but she's the one who created it in the first place, yet now she has no control over what it plans to do. She can only aid it in getting what it wants and that is to become corporeal and take over our world and put an end to humanity as we know it."

"So, aside from all this apocalypse stuff," Willow says as she stares at me and scrunches her eyebrows, "this is really Faith?"

"That is what I have been trying to say before," Giles replies, clearly annoyed. "This is really Faith, but she's different than the one we know. She's still her, through and through, but without any of the memories from this version of her reality."

I close my eyes and rub my temples. All of this is giving me a damn headache. Now I see why Buffy didn't want anyone else to know about what had happened. It's not just 'cause nobody would believe it entirely, but it's 'cause of the never-ending questions that would follow and the major lack of finding out the answers to those questions.

I get up and head to the bathroom while Willow and Tara bombard Giles and Anya with questions about Olivia and the type of powers she has. I feel sick as I shut the door behind me. I splash some cold water on my face and take a few deep breaths before I lift my head and stare at myself in the mirror.

Everything is so different and I should be thankful for that, but I'm not. Not at all. I want my life back, not this one. I can deal with a lot of things, but this is one of those things I'm not so sure I can get through easily like anything else. I wipe away the tears as they begin to fall and turn the tap back on, splashing more water on my face to hide the tears that just won't stop falling.

I can hear the others talking through the door and I try to shut their voices out. Willow and Tara are still unconvinced with everything that was just revealed. At least Anya believes it, that should count for something, right? I shake my head and turn off the tap and just let the tears fall. I don't even care anymore.

"Faith?" I hear Buffy's voice as she knocks on the door. "Can you let me in?"

"Go away, B."

"No, unlock the door and let me in," she says as she tries to turn the doorknob. "Please, Faith? Let me in. I want to talk to you."

I sigh heavily and unlock the door and she steps in, quickly shutting the door behind her and locking it again. "What, B?" I ask tiredly as I don't even bother wiping away my tears. "I don't want to talk to anyone right now. Just leave me alone."

"No," she frowns as she wraps her arms around me. "I'm not going to leave you alone, Faith. The last thing I ever want to do is leave you alone when you're going through so much right now. You need to know that I'm here for you, baby."

"Stop," I say as I step away from her, but the small bathroom doesn't let me put too much space in between us. "Just fucking stop it, B. I'm not your goddamn wife! You know that something like this, what we have here, it would've never fucking happened! You hated me and before you say you could never hate me, I know that's the biggest fucking lie I've ever heard. You barely tolerated me, even after your friends brought you back to life. You fucking _used_ me to feel something normal again, let me believe there was something more there, but I'm not fucking stupid."

"Faith," she says softly as she steps up to me again, clearly ignoring everything I've just said. "I believe everything you say has happened and yes, I even believe that I did hate you. Giles told me things earlier that are starting to make a whole lot of sense right now. I remember those little changes, the way life turned around on a dime and how we all just carried on, never noticing a single thing and all because we weren't supposed to see it or remember it, but I do now. I remember everything, Faith."

"Everything?"

"It feels like some kind of dream, but I remember the things you did, the way life had been without you there, the night I died and went to heaven and everything else. All those memories I shouldn't have, they came back to me once Giles cast that spell on me."

"What?"

"We didn't just talk the whole time I was in the back with him, Faith. He had to use magic to help me see the things I'm not supposed to even know about. But," she says and she takes a deep breath as she wraps her arms around me, "knowing all of that hasn't changed how I feel about you. Nothing ever will. I gave you my heart that night you kissed me and nothing will ever change that. And you want to know something, Faith? I remember starting to feel those things for you before."

"Bullshit," I say and I try to push her away, but she doesn't let go of me. "That's such fucking bullshit, Buffy."

"It's not. I keep remembering this moment that happened between us before Olivia and Roman took you and did this to you. It was a moment when we were lying in bed together and I remember thinking all these things, these thoughts I'd never had when it came to you, and how I was so scared that I was falling for you since you were the last person in the world I wanted to have these feelings for. I wasn't using you, Faith. You need to believe me when I say that."

I shake my head and wipe away at the tears that just won't fucking stop. She plants the softest kiss on my lips and when I open my eyes I didn't even realize I'd closed them, I see her smiling ever so sweetly at me in a way that just completely melts away any resolve I have left.

"We can get through this," she whispers. "I know we can. You're strong, Faith. You've always been the strong one even before everything changed. We can use this to our advantage."

"How, B? Olivia told me we can't stop this. We can't stop any of this."

"We will," she says confidently. "We just got to stay strong together and believe that we can change things and this time, we won't need to send you back to change a string of events that change the future."

"The how are we going to change things, B?"

"By sending _me_ back."


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's Notes: Thank you for your support and reviews! Always look forward to reading them and seeing how others are reacting to this little story of mine :)**

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty-Three<strong>

I look at Buffy like she's sprouted a second head. Send her back? Fuck that if she thinks I'm gonna let that happen! I try to put as much space as I can between us in the small bathroom, it isn't much though but it allows me to breathe a little more.

"You're crazy," I say to her and she shrugs it off like it's nothing. "You're not going back, Buffy. I won't let that happen! You have no idea what will happen, the things you'll change if you go back!"

"I've already made my decision, Faith," she replies calmly. "I can fix this. I can stop Olivia and Roman before they even come to Sunnydale. How I'm going to do that, I'm not so sure, but I'll figure something out."

"You really have no idea that none of us can stop them. They cannot be killed, Buffy. Going back and trying to stop them before any of this happened is a mistake!"

"That's where you're wrong, Faith."

"Wrong? Well, fuck, why don't you enlighten me here, B?"

"Only a Champion has a chance at stopping them."

Angel. Why didn't I even think about that? In some way, with me changing the littlest of things when I first came to Sunnydale somehow prevented Angel from coming back from hell. Whatever part he had in all of this, Olivia and Roman figured out a way to eliminate him completely. It's got my mind going a million miles a minute trying to put together the pieces of a puzzle I can't quite see.

"Giles knows how to get his hands on that drug they gave you," Buffy says after a minute. "It won't be much, just enough for one time, but that's all I need is one chance. We need Angel here, Faith. He's our only chance at putting a stop to this apocalypse before it even starts."

"Why the hell didn't Giles say anything?"

"Because you weren't supposed to know what we were planning to do," Buffy whispers. "I wasn't supposed to tell you anything, but then again, it's always been hard for me to keep secrets from you."

"Whatever," I mutter and I lean up against the wall and fold my arms over my chest. "Where are you getting this drug then? Thought only other worldly beings with access to some heavy, powerful, and dark magic could cook this thing up?"

"There is a coven in Spain who has access to that type of magic," she replies and I raise an eyebrow at that. Selwyn was from that coven. "They already agreed to help us. Giles didn't even have to convince them to do this since they already knew what had happened and the way life had changed because of you being sent back to change the natural order of life. They want to stop Olivia, Roman, and the First Evil before their plan is carried out as much as we do."

I rub my temples and close my eyes. Why can't things just go back to being simple, somewhat normal-back to the life I _know_ and not this one where everything is a thousand times more confusing than it should be?

"You took your ring off?" Buffy whispers, her voice cracking a little as she reaches for my left hand. "Why?"

I look down at my hand and shrug. The ring is in my pocket. It just felt, I dunno, weird to wear something that has so much meaning. She's fighting back tears and it rips at my heart to see her so upset over something so little, yet as stupid as I am didn't realize just how much it really means to her. I look down at my hand again and I can see the tan line where the ring was. I pull the ring out of my pocket and slip it back on, offering a small smile in hopes she wouldn't be so upset anymore. Fat chance in that happening. This is still very much the same Buffy here.

"Why did you take it off in the first place?"

"Jesus, B, it's just a ring."

That earns me a slap across the face that leaves me stunned. When am I gonna learn to keep my mouth shut?

"I'm sorry," I say quickly and reach out for her before she can storm out of the bathroom. "B, I'm sorry. Fuck. Everything is just so messed up right now and you know me, I don't know when to keep my mouth shut."

She struggling against me, refusing to look at me, but I don't need to see her face to know she's crying right now. I maneuver myself quickly until I'm in between her and the door. I don't hesitate for a second and I kiss her with all that I have. She doesn't respond, not at first. Her lips are pressed together tightly and she's trying to push me off of her. I don't give up, kissing her soft lips until I feel her relent and give in.

"You're not going back," I say as I pull back from her lips suddenly. "I'm not gonna let you go back to save Angel, B."

"I have to. We need to stop them and this is the only way."

"There's gotta be another way."

"There's not."

I know she's right, but I don't want to believe it. This could make life a helluva lot worse in a lot of ways and call me selfish, but I don't want to lose what I have with Buffy-or what we had before this part of me came here. I don't want to lose this life even if trying to fit in and make it my own at this point seems impossible.

She's gripping at my shoulders, but not too hard that it hurts. She's struggling to breathe, to calm down and I feel her shudder a little as I rest my forehead against hers.

"Let's try and find another way," I plead with her. The last thing I want other than life to change yet again is for something to happen to her if this magical time-travelling drug is botched. "Please, B?"

"What if we can't and this apocalypse happens and there's nothing we can do to stop it?"

"We will stop it," I say confidently. "I know we can. We just gotta find a way to do it and you going through the same shit I did over the last week is _not_ the way to go, okay?"

"It's too late," she whispers and she leans in to kiss me ever so softly. "I've made my decision, Faith."

"It's not too late, B!" I say as she pulls away from me and manages to unlock the door. "Buffy, stop! It's not too late. We can figure something else out!"

"No," she says firmly and opens the door. "It's happening tonight as soon as Selwyn arrives with the drug and performs the spell needed to make it work."

With that, she leaves me alone in the bathroom. Fuck. I punch the wall, the plaster crumbling around my fist and I fight the urge to destroy everything in sight. I give myself a few minutes to calm down and wipe the plaster dust off my hand. I head out into the shop, but Buffy is nowhere to be seen. I don't even bother asking the others where she went, I just grab my jacket from the back of the chair I'd been sitting in before and head out the front door.

I look up and down the street, but even through the crowds of people, I don't see Buffy anywhere. I take a left, hoping I chose the right way and walk fast through the crowds of people out on the street. I don't know how to convince her not to do this, but I have to find her and give it another shot. But as stubborn as Buffy is, convincing her to change her mind is gonna be a long-shot.

* * *

><p>I'm at the house sitting on the front steps, watching the sun as it goes down. All afternoon I looked for Buffy in every place I thought I'd be able to find her. I even went to her mother's house, but nobody was home and she was nowhere to be seen inside. I couldn't even <em>feel<em> her. It's almost as if she disappeared off the face of the earth.

I have a cold beer sitting next to me, the fifth I've had since I gave up looking for her and headed home. A few of the neighbours that walked by waved hello, and all I could do is grunt and nod my hello back to them. I'm definitely feeling the buzz from the beer and yet it's doing the opposite of relaxing me as it normally does. It's making me tense and I feel a little sick as my stomach turns around in knots once my thoughts go right back to Buffy.

I grab my beer and head inside, flipping on the light in the hallway as I kick the door shut behind me. Now I'm suddenly feeling determined to find out more about this life, about _me_, but I have no fucking idea where to even start.

There's dozens of pictures in frames all throughout the house, on walls and on tables, but pictures don't tell me much of anything. The stories behind each of them unknown and intriguing. It almost scares me to see how fucking happy I look in all of them. It's like I'm looking into a mirror at the opposite person that I am. How could a few small changes in my life made me happy the way I appear to be in all those pictures I've seen so far? Is it my life itself that makes me happy, or is it Buffy that has made me this way?

I stop at the foot of the stairs and stare at the picture hanging on the wall. It's a picture of a sunset on a beach and two dark silhouettes standing holding each other while looking deep into one another's eyes. I know who is in that picture, it's obvious, but something is drawing me in to it and I can't quite figure out what it is. I head into the living room and look on the bookshelf until I find a white photo album. The wedding pictures.

I down my beer and grab another from the fridge before I sit down on the couch and flip through the album. It feels so fucking surreal seeing these pictures of what looks like the greatest, happiest day of my life and I never even got to experience any of it. I close the album and toss it on to the coffee table. I just stare at the cover and end up kicking it clear off the coffee table and out into the hallway.

"You going to destroy our house now?" Buffy asks as she comes in the front door.

"No."

She shakes her head as she picks the wedding album up from the floor. "It was the happiest day of our lives," she says softly as she slips off her shoes and comes into the living room. "Everyone thought we were too young to get married and that we hadn't been together long enough to know if that's what we wanted. We told ignored them, Faith. You even said in your vows that you never knew the meaning of soul-mates until you met me."

"Where have you been?" I ask her as she places the album back where I found it on the bookshelf. "B? I looked everywhere for you."

"Not everywhere," she frowns as she turns to look at me. "I went to the beach where we got married. I needed some time alone to think."

"I still find it fucking surreal we ended up together," I mutter under my breath. "Don't get me wrong, B, even before I had these intense feelings for you, but I always thought I wasn't wired right to be in a committed, loving relationship with anyone."

"Oh."

I furrow my brow together and wonder what's going through that mind of hers. I sip my beer and lean back on the couch and try to relax. Buffy only frowns as she comes to sit down next to me.

"We were supposed to go away the day after they took you," she says as she reaches for my free hand. "We are supposed to be on a beach down in Mexico enjoying our honeymoon right now."

I don't know why but I feel like a complete asshole for ruining that for her. "I'm sorry," I say after a minute and she lets out a little laugh.

"It's not your fault, Faith."

"Sure feels like it."

"Don't ever apologize for something you can't control."

"Noted," I reply with a small smile and she rolls her eyes. "What were you off thinking about, B?"

"About what I'm going to do tonight," she sighs heavily and lets go of my hand. "And before you ask if I've changed my mind, I haven't. I just keep replaying it over and over in my head that night I sent Angel to hell. It's one of those moments I'll never forget. I'm just trying to figure out how to do things differently, that's all."

I remember everything Angel told me during one of our many visits while I was in prison. It took him awhile to get that story out, but when he eventually told me he said that it was supposed to happen and that he was supposed to stay there. He didn't even know why he was brought back and I'm starting to wonder why he wasn't this time around. Something different had to have happened to prevent that from happening. I'm willing to bet Buffy is trying to figure that out herself now too.

"I'm just scared," she admits and I place my beer down on the coffee table and turn to face her fully. I reach for her hands and smile a little when she doesn't pull away. "I'm scared if he comes back it'll change everything that happened between us. I did love him more than anything, Faith, and I'm just afraid that he'll come between us and stop us from being as close as we were before we ended up together."

I don't like to think it, but Angel did play a big part in keeping Buffy and I from ever becoming close and the fact that she still loved him when he came back from hell had made her keep her distance from me pretty much all together.

"No matter what happens, B, just remember it could make a big difference in us being able to stop Olivia, Roman, and the First. You said so yourself, we need Angel. Guess you gotta do whatever ya gotta do to make it happen, right?"

She nods her head slowly and lowers her eyes for a moment. When she looks back up at me, she doesn't even give me a second to react as she pulls me in for a deep, languid kiss. Her hands are already pulling at my shirt, trying to get it off and I know I should put a stop to this, but I really can't. all I've wanted for the last week since that night we spent together last was to be with her again, to touch her, kiss her, feel every inch of her pressed up against me.

"If anything happens, I just want this to happen one last time," Buffy whispers as she pulls back and slides my shirt up and over my head. She tosses it to the floor and her hands are already working on unclasping my bra. "I don't care if you're not really the one I married. You feel like her, you look like her, and you kiss me the way she does."

"B-"

"Just let me have this, Faith, just let me have you," she pleads and I sigh softly as she slips my bra off and it joins my shirt on the floor. "I've never felt like I've needed you more than I do right now."

I don't know what to say. I just watch her as she removes her own shirt and bra before she stands up and takes my hands in hers. I happily oblige and she wraps her arms around me, kissing me as she leads the way towards the stairs, her hands already fumbling at getting me out of my jeans. As we make our way up the stairs and to the bedroom, we lose our clothes, leaving them strewn over the living room, the front hallway and halfway up the stairs.

I feel mesmerized by her as she pushes me down on the bed and moves to straddle my hips. I can feel how wet she is as she leans down to kiss me hard. Although I've only been with her a few times like this, I can safely say this feels like I've done this a million times before with her. I flip her over and smirk as I pull back from her lips. I don't know how it normally plays out, but I'll be damned if I let her top me for long right now.

She looks like she's about to say something, but she bites her lower lip. I lean back and sit on my knees as I stare down at her. She takes my hands in hers and places them on her stomach almost as if she's encouraging me to touch her, to take her in any way that I want right now. I look down as she moves my hands over her body and I can not only feel but see a few light scars on her stomach. I wonder why I never noticed them when we were in the shower together yesterday.

I shake my head, trying not to let those thoughts cloud my mind. She wants me to fuck her-or make love to her, whatever it is she's expecting and here I'm thinking about everything else but doing that. What the hell is wrong with me?

She lets go of my hands and I move them over the length of her rock-hard abdomen a few times, finding a few ticklish spots along the way. I straddle her hips and immediately she's running her hands over the backs of my thighs and it's increasingly getting harder to hold myself back from completely ravishing her from head to toe. She lifts a hand to the back of my head and pulls me down, kissing me hard and deep as she moves her other hand between my legs.

"Oh fuck," I groan against her lips as she circles over my clit in just the right way. It's like she knows my body inside and out, and technically I'm guessing she does if we've been together what, two years at this point? Just wish I could say the same…

"God, baby, you're so wet," she moans as she continues to circle over my clit.

Her fingers expertly work me over, quickly bringing me tumbling towards the edge of a very intense orgasm. My whole body is buzzing uncontrollably, but I manage to move a hand down between her legs. She's dripping wet and hot and it's almost too much for me to take. She kisses me again, biting on my lower lip as I pinch and roll her clit between my fingers.

I can smell her sweet scent now and it's too much. I got to taste her. I move down her body quickly and she lets out a surprised squeal as I spread her legs for me. My heart is racing so damn fast and I have to force myself not to just dive right in between her legs. I lean in for a taste and I can't stop at just one lick. Her hands go to my hair, holding me right where I am and she's moaning, crying out my name as I hit all the right spots with my tongue.

I stop when I faintly hear the front door unlock, but Buffy is oblivious and she grips my hair a little harder, forcing me to continue. She's moaning louder now, calling out my name every couple of seconds. And when she cums, she lets go of my hair and grips the sheets as her back arches off the bed. Fuck, the sight of her as she cums is so sexy and it almost has me going over the edge with her.

I can only lay here watching her as her orgasm ripples through her body. I take a few long licks around her hole, moaning at the taste of her cum. I could stay right here all night, but I pull back and look back up at her as I lay my head on her thigh, trying to catch my breath.

Buffy pulls me up a little and I crawl up the bed and lay next to her. She's got the most satisfied smile on her face and her eyes are closed and I don't think I've ever seen her as beautiful as she is now.

"B, someone's downstairs," I whisper as I lightly run the tips of my fingers over her breasts.

"That would be Will," she sighs, her smile quickly fading. "She wasn't supposed to be here for another hour."

"Oh?" I say as I lean back and watch her as she gets up from the bed. "What's she doing here?"

"She's helping me prepare for the spell Selwyn will be doing as soon as she arrives in Sunnydale, which will be any minute now. Giles is probably at the airport waiting for her. Oh god," she groans as she walks into the walk-in closet. "I thought I'd have more time to prepare myself for this."

"You had all day," I mutter under my breath as I lie on the bed and stare up at the ceiling. "I still can't talk you out of doing this, can I?"

She doesn't say anything as she walks out of the walk-in dressed in what looks like slaying gear. She barely even looks as me as she grabs a hair elastic off the dresser and pulls her hair back into a tight ponytail. She doesn't say a word as she walks out of the bedroom and a minute later, I hear her and Willow talking quietly downstairs.

I keep getting pulled in to Buffy and the life I'm supposed to have here with her. It's making me feel sick-not in a bad way, but in a way that knowing I shouldn't have let anything happen between us tonight. And I wish that somehow we had more time together instead of the barely fifteen minutes we'd been here in bed together.

I shrug it off and find some clean clothes to wear, debating the whole time whether to stay right here or be downstairs when Buffy is induced with this magical drug. On one hand, I don't want to miss it, I want to be right there with her to see what happens, and on the other hand, I don't know if I can even stand to see her go through the same thing I was forced to go through. I start to pace the bedroom floor, trying to figure it out.

* * *

><p>In the end I ended up down in the living room, well partly in the living room. I stand in the hallway and lean against the wall as I watch Selwyn and Willow prepare the spell. The drug, they gave it some kind of a fancy name I can't even pronounce and it's sitting on the coffee table. I can't stop staring at the green liquid inside the syringe either. Tara is here too, but she and Giles are standing on the other side of the room, talking too quietly for me to hear them.<p>

And Buffy is just sitting in the chair brought in from the dining room staring blankly at the syringe on the coffee table. Not once has she even looked at me since I came down from the bedroom.

The lights flicker as Willow and Selwyn begin chanting louder. They move to stand on either side of Buffy and Selwyn places a hand on her head. A shimmering white light washes over her and Buffy looks relaxed and calm as she closes her eyes. I don't remember Olivia and Roman performing this spell, but then again I had no idea how long I'd been blacked out for when they first took me.

"Are you ready, Buffy?" Willow asks and I see Buffy nod her head a little. "Once you do this, there's no going back."

"I know what I'm doing, Will. I'm ready."

Selwyn picks up the syringe and with a steady hand she moves it towards Buffy's neck. I look over at Giles and Tara and they're just standing there quietly, watching in fascination as this unfolds. My heart feels like its trapped in a vice and I move more into the living room as Selwyn injects the drug into Buffy.

Her head lolls to the side as it hits her and I shake my head, fighting back the few tears that snuck up on me. Selwyn and Willow step away from Buffy, but the only one who looks calm is Selwyn. Willow is crying and Tara is instantly at her side, comforting her. Giles is off in the kitchen and I swear I hear him crying just a little.

"What happens now?" I croak out and Selwyn walks over to me and places a hand on my shoulder. "How long is she gonna be out for?"

"Hours. We wait."

Selwyn sits down on the couch and just watches Buffy. As powerful of a witch as she is, I gotta wonder if somehow she can see what's happening to Buffy right now. I grab my jacket and head out to the front porch. Staying inside is making me feel as if I'm suffocating in there.

I sit out there alone for hours, wondering just how long Buffy will be under that drug. I know the first time I was put under; I was out for a few days. I don't know if I can stand to wait a few days for her to wake up. I'm so tired and yet I don't want to fall asleep. I force myself to keep my eyes open and I turn my head to look up at the night sky to watch the stars above.

Something feels different and I can't quite put my finger on it. I close my eyes and open them and suddenly I'm no longer sitting on the front steps at the house, I'm sitting on the balcony of the apartment the Mayor had given to me years ago. I get up from the ledge and walk inside. It's not how we left it before, completely trashed from that fight that nearly killed me.

And I sense that I'm not alone here either. The place is dark, but I know my way around and I fumble with the switch on the lamp near the bed.

"Angel?" I say, a little surprised to see him standing by the door. "What are you doing here?"

"I have no idea," he shrugs and I move towards him slowly. He looks confused and scared and I've never seen him like this before. "I had the craziest dream. It's hard to explain. Somehow I woke up standing right here."

"It wasn't a dream," I say softly and he looks at me in surprise. "Whatever she did, it worked."

"What's going on, Faith?"

"It's a long story," I groan and I suddenly feel dizzy. "A _really_ long story."

"Faith?" Angel reaches out for me before I collapse. He holds me close to him as he takes me over to the bed and lays me down. "Faith, are you all right?"

His voice fades as I close my eyes. I can't fight the dizziness or the nausea as it hits me in waves. I don't know what happened or what Buffy did, but I feel different.

And I know that can't be a good thing.


	24. Chapter 24

****Author's Notes:****** Yes I know, another early update! Do enjoy :D ...and try not to kill me so much after ;)**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Twenty-Four<strong>

I wake up and I'm not in the apartment. I'm in the same room I was days ago, chained to the chair and the unmistakable stench of death surrounding me. The door opens, the creaking of the hinges sounding a lot louder than they really are and I see Olivia smirking as she walks in holding a fresh, new candle. She places it down on the table and pulls up a chair in front of me and sits down.

"What the _hell_?" I mutter as she folds her hands on her lap and just stares at me. "What the fuck did you do to me?"

"Did you enjoy that little trip, Faithy?"

"Answer the goddamn question!"

"You really believed you could change the past and end up in a different version of your life? Can I just say Roman was right about you? You are so very _gullible_. It's pathetic, really."

None of that was real? What the fuck?

"How are you feeling?"

"Pissed off," I snap at her and she laughs.

"You truly believed it was all real?" Olivia asks, laughing even harder now as she leans forward and shakes her head. "Wow. Who knew messing with you would be so much fun?"

I struggle against the chains and for a second it almost feels like they're about to give away and I can break free, but Olivia snaps her fingers and the chains tighten around me. I gasp out in pain as I struggle to breathe and she leans forward a little more and grabs my chin with her hand.

"None of that was _real_?" I ask her through gritted teeth. She nods her head yes and I groan softly as I try to pull away from her tight grip. "What the hell was the point of it then? Just to fuck with me?"

"Oh, fucking with you was the best part," she laughs wickedly. "But not entirely the point. We kept you out of the way and by doing that, it kept the others too busy looking for you to see what was really happening under their pathetic little noses the whole time."

Panic washes over me and she lets go of my chin with a laugh. I struggle against the chains again and I feel the chair begin to creak. I stop struggling when Olivia begins to pace the floor in front of me, tittering to herself in another language and laughing at whatever it is she just said.

It doesn't take me long to realize she's not just talking to herself, she's talking to someone else I can't even see. I struggle against the chains again and feel them starting to give. I stop again when Roman walks in and he looks at me for a second and laughs before he whispers something into Olivia's ear. She kisses him twice on each cheek before she shoos him out of the room.

"I've just received word that your friends have found our location. Pity. I was hoping I'd get to play a little while longer," Olivia says and she shakes her head as she walks over to me and pulls out a key from her back pocket. "I could make this hard for them, but I wouldn't want to see any of them die for _you_, Faithy. If you couldn't tell, I do like a challenge and if you all are dead, what's the fun in that?"

"You're fucking crazy," I mutter as she unlocks me from the chains. I want to lunge at her, but I feel too weak to even lift my arms. "You could just kill me, save yourself the trouble."

"I told you before, the last thing I want to do is kill you, Faith. We may stand on opposite sides in this world, but you're something special. You're not like anyone else and it fascinates me. I'll be seeing you around, Faithy. Don't try to do anything stupid in the meantime."

She turns and walks out of the small room, leaving the door wide open. I struggle to get up and stand on my feet. My legs feel like jelly and I can barely take a few steps without stumbling and nearly falling to the ground. I grab the candle and make my way to the door slowly, yet with every step I take I feel my energy slowly returning.

I peer out the door and don't see anything but darkness and a set of stairs a few hundred feet away, illuminated by the light coming in from the open door at the top. I take a deep breath and make my way over to the stairs, dropping the candle when the hot wax hits my hand. I check my pockets, find my lighter, and shakily light it, using it to avoid the few dead bodies lying on the ground.

I hear footsteps above me and voices, voices that definitely belong to Buffy, Xander, and Willow. I gasp as I reach the stairs and taste the fresh air coming in through the door at the top. I barely make it up the first few steps before Buffy is running down towards me, shining a flashlight into my eyes.

"Guys, she's down here!" Buffy yells up the stairs and I collapse as she reaches me. She helps me to my feet and I can feel her heart pounding as she holds me close. "God, Faith, I thought they killed you!"

"I'm still alive," I mutter and she starts up the stairs, practically dragging me with her.

It's bright when we reach the top of the stairs and it takes me a few seconds for my eyes to adjust. We're in a warehouse, that much I know, and the sunlight is streaming in through the skylight windows that have been broken, the rest boarded up to keep the light out.

"Faith, are you all right?" Giles asks as he's the first to reach Buffy and me. He takes me from her and I slink to the ground, groaning as I try to fight the waves of nausea. "Buffy, go get her some water from my bag. Hurry now."

Giles kneels on the ground next to me and checks my vital signs. I lay back, coughing as I try to breathe. It feels like the wind has been knocked out of me. Giles looks worried and that causes a wave of panic to wash over me.

"Giles, is she going to be okay?" Willow asks as she kneels down next to him. "She doesn't look so great."

"She's dehydrated. Exhausted. Her pulse is weak, but steady."

Willow just looks down at me, her eyes full of concern and worry. Buffy comes running back with a bottle of water and she helps me sit up. She unscrews the cap and holds the bottle to my lips and I eagerly drink the warm water. I cough when I swallow it too hard and she just holds me, waiting for me to recover before holding the bottle back to my lips.

"She needs to get to a hospital, Giles," Buffy says softly as I finish off the water and lay my head back against her chest.

"Fuck that," I groan as I roll my eyes. "I ain't going to no hospital. Just take me home."

Buffy is the one who carries me out to Giles' car and she sits in the backseat with me, Willow sitting on the other side while Xander gets in the front with Giles. I can't help but stare at her as she looks right back at me. I close my eyes and rest my head on her shoulder as Giles drives through the streets of Sunnydale. All I want to do is sleep right now. I know after I've slept for a couple of days, I'll be back to my old self, good as new.

I don't even open my eyes when the car stops and don't even say a word as Buffy carries me inside Giles' apartment and up to the bedroom. She lays me down on the bed and I reach out for her hand before she can walk away.

"Stay," I whisper.

"Faith," she sighs and gives in and lies down on the bed next to me. "You need to rest."

"How long?" I ask her and I struggle to open my eyes. "How long did you look for me?"

"Two weeks."

"Damn."

"What did they do to you, Faith?"

I shake my head, not sure if I even want to talk about it. I'm still trying to deal with everything that I just went through. I don't even know how I feel about anything that had happened. I know it's left me feeling confused and angry, that's for sure.

"Angel is here," she whispers and I just stare at her. "He'll come to see you once the sun is down. He's been helping us try to find you. He's been worried about you. We all have been so worried about you, Faith. I thought I'd never see you alive again."

I sigh and close my eyes again, the pull of sleep getting too hard to fight for much longer. I feel Buffy lightly kiss my forehead as I give in to my body's urge to sleep. Just before I slip away completely, I feel Buffy hold on to my hand and give it a gentle squeeze.

* * *

><p>When I wake up, I'm alone in the bed and it's quiet. Too quiet. I stretch out, feeling a helluva lot better than I did when I got here and I check the clock. Just after midnight. I feel more like me now, but still a little weak. I get out of bed and head down the stairs quietly as to not wake up Giles as he sleeps on the couch. I make my way to the bathroom and lock the door behind me. I flip on the lights and just stare in the mirror at my reflection.<p>

I look like hell. I run my fingers over the big, dark circles under my eyes and try not to pay much attention to my hair, which is in a serious need of a wash. I pull my hair away from my neck to reveal the small puncture holes from the syringe. They're dark and a little bruised, but already fading.

I slowly strip out of my clothes and turn on the water in the tub. I find a bottle of bubble bath and put the plug in, letting the tub fill a little before I pour the bubble bath in. I'm shaking as I climb into the bath, letting the hot water soak and pierce my skin like a thousand hot needles. I just stare at the stream of water as it falls from the tap and fills up the tub ever so slowly.

I should've known none of it was real despite how real it all felt. How could I have been so fucking stupid and gullible enough to believe that?

I shut the tap off with my foot and lean back, closing my eyes as I just try to relax. Try to forget everything that has happened. Try being the key word here and I'm failing at it miserably.

I feel the tears stinging my eyes and I don't even bother to fight them. I sink down in the water and hold my breath as my head goes under. The bubbles sting my eyes but I keep them open and I come up only when my lungs start to burn. I breathe in deeply a few times and wipe the water and bubbles off my face. I feel the anger bubbling up inside of me and I punch at the water a few times, resisting the urge to scream at the top of my lungs.

I stay in the bath until the water goes cold and I stand there in the tub watching the water and what's left of the bubbles slowly go down the drain. I pull the shower curtain around the tub and turn on the taps. I shower quickly, making sure I wash my hair about five times before I get out. I wrap one of the big fluffy white towels around me and leave my dirty clothes where I left them on the floor.

After I make it back upstairs and get dressed, I head back downstairs and this time Giles is awake when I get down there. He smiles at me and gets up from the couch. He walks right up to me and hugs me tight.

"I was beginning to wonder if you were going to wake up anytime soon. You've been sleeping for over a day and a half now. How are you feeling?"

"Much better. Pissed off mostly. And hungry," I add with a sharp laugh. Giles nods and points to the fridge.

"Xander ordered pizza tonight. There are leftovers in the fridge for you."

"Awesome," I say and I head into the kitchen and pull out the box of pizza sitting on the top shelf. It's a full pizza, chock full of my favourites and I grin as I pull out a slice and take a bite.

"I'm afraid there is some bad news," Giles says as he joins me in the kitchen and places the kettle on top of the stove and turns the burner on. "While they had you there, things started to happen. The vampire population has skyrocketed in the last two weeks and the First Evil has begun to make its presence known."

"Just fucking great," I groan and I take another bite of my pizza, polishing it off. I reach for another slice and open the fridge to grab a beer. "Too late to do anything now, isn't it?"

"Perhaps not," Giles replies. "The First was unable to become corporeal. Its power is still limited at this point. I'm far more worried about Olivia and Roman and what their plans are at the moment. Faith, I know you may not want to speak about what happened to you while they had you as their prisoner, but I believe that it is imperative that we know what happened to you."

"They drugged me," I reply with a shrug. "Can't I eat something first, G? I'll fill you in on all the details after, all right?"

"Of course," he nods and frowns as I take the box of pizza with me and head into the living room. I sit down in the chair and prop my feet up. "Are you doing all right though, Faith?"

"Wasn't when you guys found me, but I'm feeling five by five," I reply through a mouthful of pizza.

"I don't just mean physically."

"G," I sigh in annoyance. "Can't ya let me eat in peace and quiet? Told ya I'd fill ya in soon as I finish eating."

Giles takes a seat on the couch after he's made himself a cup of tea and just watches me as I eat the rest of the pizza. I chug back my beer and lean back as I toss the empty box on the floor next to me. Maybe eating the whole pizza was a bit much, but I can't help myself when I'm starving and haven't eaten in far too long, at least not anything substantial that could be considered food.

I take a few deep breaths and begin to tell him just about everything, leaving out the few tiny details of the naughty things I was doing with Buffy, even leaving out the fact that at one point we were married and living the perfect life together. He doesn't need to know any of those details, but I tell him everything else that I can.

Giles doesn't say much, just makes a lot of little noises and repeatedly removes his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. I stop telling him everything and just watch him as he stares at me. I don't know what's going through his head right now, but I'm betting he thinks I've gone crazy.

When he gets up to get another cup of tea, I move to the window and open it. I light a cigarette and stare out into the dark courtyard. I see someone sitting at one of the tables and even though it's hard to make out who it is in the darkness, I know that it's Buffy. I look over at Giles in the kitchen and he's busy making himself another cup of tea. I open the window wider and hop out, the drop down a little far but I land firmly on my feet.

Buffy barely flinches as I sit down in the chair across from her. She can't even look at me and I ain't even sure why. I finish off my cigarette and crush it out in the ashtray on the table. I reach over and place a hand over Buffy's and she finally looks at me.

"Hey," I say softly and she rolls her eyes at me. "What's up, B?"

"Nothing."

"You're just sitting out here in the middle of the night? Couldn't sleep or something?"

"Or something," she shrugs and pulls her hand away from mine. "What really happened to you, Faith? I heard you talking to Giles, but I got a feeling there's a lot you didn't even bother to tell him. What are you trying to hide?"

"B, none of it was real and there are some parts of it that I don't think Giles could handle."

"Like what?"

I don't want to tell her about all those things that "happened" between her and I. it wasn't real and I just want to do nothing more than forget the whole thing ever happened. I don't know how she'd even react to half the things I'd tell her. She'd probably just laugh at me and call me crazy. Maybe I am crazy, but then again I remember the prison shrink telling me if I had to question my sanity, I'm definitely not crazy.

"Fine, don't tell me," she says coldly. "Maybe it is better that I don't know the truth."

"What I told Giles was the truth, B. I just left out a few things that's all. It's no big."

"So, let me get this straight, they had you drugged up and believing you were going back to the past and changing your life? What was the point in that?"

"To fuck with me," I mutter in reply. "Obviously it worked."

I move to sit in the chair next to her and I put my arm around her shoulders. She doesn't push me away surprisingly and I lean in a little closer to her. She turns her head quickly and I know she's crying. Just can't figure out what the hell she's crying over.

"That night," she whispers as she wipes away her tears, "I can't stop thinking about that night we were together, Faith."

"Yeah?" I ask and I can't fight the smile that's creeping over my lips. My heart is racing too and I can't help it. She just has this effect on me. "What about that night, B?"

"It's the last time I felt anything in the past couple of weeks. I can't stop thinking about you and I can't even stop dreaming about you. I felt so lost, so alone. I thought I'd never get to the chance to see you again when they took you, Faith."

I don't know what to say. I honestly don't, so I do the next best thing and I kiss her. She doesn't respond, not at first, but I'm not about to give up just yet. I kiss her harder and move my hands to cup her head gently. She finally relents and kisses me back. I can feel her tears on my cheeks as she deepens the kiss. When she pulls away and breathes in deeply, I reach up and wipe away the tears from her cheeks and wait for her to open her eyes.

"We never did talk," I say softly and she lets out a short, sharp laugh.

"When did you become such a girl, Faith?"

"Always been one, just didn't know it 'til you brought it out of me," I reply smoothly and she laughs again. "B, what was going on between us that night? I know it was more than just sex. It was different. It was real and amazing. Fuck, it probably was the best night of my life so far."

"I still don't know how to answer that," she says with a frown and I lean back in the chair, feeling defeated. "You have to understand something about me, Faith. I'm not who I was before. Something is different. I can't make sense of what it is, but I know when I'm around you, I feel more like me."

"What do you want?" I ask her, hoping that maybe she'll be able to tell me. I ain't expecting much of anything or even an answer, but I gotta try. "B? What do you want from me?"

"Everything," she whispers so softly I barely hear her. "I want everything," she says a little louder and I raise both eyebrows at that. "But," she sighs and shakes her head, "I don't know if you can give me everything I need right now."

"I'm sure I can try if ya let me, B."

She laughs and shakes her head as she stands up. "I don't doubt that for a second," she says and I stand up and stand in front of her. "I'm just…afraid. I'm not-I don't think I can handle what the others are going to think or say if they knew how I'm starting to feel about you."

"B, they won't care."

"Oh they will because it's _you_, Faith. Things might be different now, but we have history and it's not all happy puppies and double rainbows."

"So, let me get this straight," I say as I place my hands on her arms and make her look right at me. "You want everything from me, but you don't want the others to know about us?"

Buffy doesn't say anything, but from the way she's looking at me, I already know the answer to that question. I also get the feeling Buffy doesn't want to do the whole going out on dates, bringing each other little stupid gifts like flowers and chocolate either. Pretty fucking sure she's more in it for the sex and I definitely can't complain on that front.

"How do you feel about me?" I ask her. "Just be honest with me."

"Like I want to love you, to be in love with you, but even just thinking it and saying it scares me."

"Why?"

"Because it's different, Faith!"

"Love is love, B. Sometimes ya just have to go with it and see where it takes you."

"When did you become all…" she trails off and shakes her head. "You're so different, Faith. So much that I feel like I don't even know you."

"You don't."

She sighs and steps back out of reach. It feels like she's messing with my head and I know she isn't doing it intentionally. After all I've been through, I don't know how to take a step back and let it all soak in. I'm in need of a serious mental vacation here.

After being fucked with by Olivia and that drug, it's hard to come back to this reality of how life really is. A part of me wishes it was all real because there, it was easy with Buffy. She didn't have a wall put up between us, she was open, and in love with me in a way I've pretty much always craved to be loved by her. I want things with her that I know she can't give to me.

"B?" I say softly as I step up to her and she takes another step back. "You don't want to know how I feel about you?"

"I know," she whispers. "But I'm not so sure I'm ready to hear it yet."

"It scares me too. I ain't ever been in love with someone before."

Buffy full out laughs and starts to walk away from me. I run my fingers through my hair, frustrated. I start off after her and grab her arm to keep her from walking away from me.

"Don't," I plead and she pushes me away. "B, come on, I'm being honest with you here and you just fucking laugh at me and walk away?"

"I told you I wasn't ready to hear you say it," she snaps.

I groan, annoyed since I knew this would happen. Whenever we try to talk, it's always in circles and ends up in a big mess neither of us can sort through to make any sense of it. I'm fucking tired of it and for once in my life I just want to set the record straight with her and make her see what she could have that's right here in front of her. I might be getting ahead of myself here, but I know there's something between us, something that's always been there.

Buffy walks off again and heads up the stairs that lead to the street. I'm right behind her and I stop her halfway up the stairs and back her up against the wall. She struggles to get away, and she could easily, but she doesn't really try. I know she wants this, I know she wants me. I can see it just by the way she's looking right at me. I look around to make sure we're completely alone before I kiss her, hard, my hand already making its way inside her pants.

Buffy grabs my shoulders as I slick my fingers over her clit. She's so wet and ready to be fucked, but she moves a hand to grab my arm and stops me before I can slide a finger inside of her. She pulls back from the kiss, breathing heavily and relaxes her grip on my arm.

"What are you doing?" Buffy asks and I laugh a little at that.

"Thought it's pretty obvious with my hand down your pants. I know what you want, what you need. Besides, I'm fucking tired of you trying to run away from me and what's happening between us."

"Let's go somewhere else. Somewhere more private," she whispers and I nod my head, pulling my hand out of her pants slowly.

Buffy takes my hand and leads me up the rest of the stairs to the street. I don't know where she's taking me, but I can't wait for what I know will happen once we're somewhere else.


	25. Chapter 25

****Author's Notes:** Now this story is still far from over, but I've been toying with the idea of continuing on after season six (even though I've gone completely AU with it!) Any thoughts on that? Anyone? Ferris? *snickers***

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty-Five<strong>

I'm amazed at the complete turn of events that have happened since I went out to talk to Buffy. Just knowing how she feels, not just about me, but with herself and knowing what she needs right now, it made it too easy just to take what I want and show her that's exactly what she knows she wants too. It's hard to keep my hands off of her as she lead the way through the streets of Sunnydale at a brisk pace.

I stop short when I realize where she's taking me once we're halfway up the walkway to the front door of her house. I don't know why she's taken me here if she doesn't want anyone to know about whatever it is that's happening between us. Buffy just tugs on my hand a little and I give in, letting her lead the rest of the way to the front door. The house is quiet and dark and she motions for me to follow her up the stairs.

She opens the door to her bedroom and leads me inside. I shut the door quietly behind me and turn to face her and she's already pulling me towards the bed. The look in her eyes is intense and full of desire. I want to say something-anything, but I can't mostly 'cause her lips are now on mine, kissing me deeply as she slips her hands under the hem of my shirt. Her hands feel hot against the skin on my stomach and I shiver as she rakes her nails over my skin.

Fuck, I don't know what it is, but she gets right under my skin and I can't seem to say no or put a stop to this before it happens again. I'm still not all there in my mind and that bothers me. I need to get a grip on reality here, but it's hard to with Buffy kissing me the way she is and both her hands now moving around to my back to unclasp my bra.

We're on the brink of a major apocalypse here and we're doing everything but preparing ourselves for what is about to come. That can wait until tomorrow since right now I'm finding it pretty fucking hard to think straight with Buffy's hands on my breasts.

It feels like we're moving too fast and too slow at the same time. I kick things up a notch as I pull away from her lips and promptly remove her shirt. She gasps a little as she pulls at mine and I help her pull off the offending clothing, slipping off my bra for good measure. I reach around to unclasp her skimpy, lacy pink bra and before I can slide it off, she turns me around and pushes me back on to the bed. I watch her as she bites her lower lip and moves to straddle my legs. She tries to push me until I'm on my back, but I don't move. I wrap my arms around her and kiss her again, hard, deep, and full of need.

I ignore the screaming in the back of my mind to put a stop to this. I'm in no mood to listen to my conscience now, not after everything I'd just been through.

I run my hands down the length of Buffy's back and she leans more in to me, but I stop when I feel scars there I didn't feel the last time we were together. I pull back and just stare at her, concerned about how she got them. As a slayer, we heal quickly and most scars fade unless they are deep.

"Demon," she whispers as I trace the jagged scars with my fingertips. "Caught me out of nowhere the night after you went missing."

"Damn, B. Gotta be more careful, yeah?"

"Don't talk. Not now," she groans as she runs her hands through my hair. "Just kiss me."

I grin and don't do as she asked. She tugs on my hair a little and I give in. How can I not with the way she's looking at me? It's full of desire and it's making my blood run hot. I move my hands to the front of her pants and try to slide them down. She gets the hint and stands up, her lips never leaving mine as I slide her pants and her panties down. She almost trips before she kicks off her shoes and removes the rest of her pants. Still, without breaking the kiss, she straddles my legs again and grabs one of my hands and moves it in between her legs, showing me just where she wants me to be.

I need to feel her fully against me, but that's not exactly happening with me still in my pants and boots. I manage to kick off my boots without much of an effort and I lift Buffy up as I stand up and I lay her down on the bed, breaking away from her lips as I fumble with my pants, trying to get them off as quickly as I can.

I raise an eyebrow when I can hear moaning coming from the other room. Looks like Willow and Tara are getting hot and heavy, having a little fun of their own. Buffy laughs softly as she reaches up for me and pulls me down to lay on top of her.

"Were you being honest with me?"

"When?" I ask her as I lean on my hands to keep my body from resting on hers completely.

"When you said you-that you-love me?"

I inhale deeply and try to stay calm. I don't know whether to say yes or avoid it somehow. After she walked away from me when I told her, I ain't so sure how she's gonna react if I say yes right now. This day has been royally fucked up. What was I thinking when I thought being with her would make things be okay again? Be normal-or at least as normal as normal has been for me lately.

I think back to the night we were together last, how different it'd been from the first time in the abandoned house that came crashing down all around us. Tonight is different too for a whole lot of other reasons. And I can't believe I'm thinking like this here and now of all times.

"I meant it," I finally say to her with a small smile. Too late to take the words back now. "Honest."

Buffy cracks a small, sexy smile as she spreads her legs and pulls me flush against her. She wraps her legs around my hips and with a little encouragement, she forces me to thrust down into her pussy.

"Prove it," she whispers as she cups my face gently in her hands. "Prove to me you mean it. Prove to me that you love me."

I know what she's asking and it's definitely something I've never done before. I can fuck like an animal, even fuck nice and slow just to draw out the pleasure, but I don't know how to make love to someone.

Buffy sighs when I don't say anything and barely move as I lay on top of her. I can't tell if she's annoyed or what right now. Maybe she's expecting me to make love to her, make her feel something else, something she hasn't felt in a long time. Or maybe she's expecting something else.

I'm so tired. After everything I've been through, I'm mentally tired and giving up on fighting these thoughts floating through my mind. I keep wishing things could be easier between us, that things didn't have to be so damn complicated and laced with a rocky history. I keep wishing it could've been the way I hallucinated it, that she loved me back in ways I doubt she can for real.

"Faith?" Buffy whispers as she uses her thumbs to stroke my cheeks. "What's wrong?"

"I don't-I can't do this."

"What?"

"This, B. I can't do this," I say as I try to get off her, but her legs are still around my waist and holding me tight against her. "You were right before when you said you didn't think I could give you everything that you wanted, that you needed. I know I said I could try, but fuck, it's not that easy."

"What happened to you?" Buffy asks as she loosens her grip a little and I manage to pull back. I can't think straight with her beautiful naked body pressed up against mine. "What did they do to you?"

I shake my head and try to get off the bed, but she pulls me back down flush against her. "I can't," I say softly as I look away from her eyes. "I just can't."

"Faith, tell me. Talk to me. Please?"

Here goes nothing.

"They had me believing I changed the past," I begin and it feels like my heart just leapt into my throat. "They had me believing that every little thing I changed that it changed the way things were between us. You _loved_ me, B, and we were together. And happy. And-and married."

I can tell she wants more details, but I'm not about to have this conversation when we're all sorts of naked here.

"Married? Is that even legal?" Buffy asks and I have to laugh at little. Is that all she has to say?

"Was in my head, sure. Guess anything was possible with the drugs they were pumping in me."

"You know," she says softly as her thumbs continue to stroke my cheeks. "I did always wonder how different things would be if they'd been different in the beginning. You weren't the only one who made mistakes, Faith. I made plenty of them too when it came to you. But lately I've been a firm believer that you can change things without having to go back into the past to do it. After the last time we were together, I went home and couldn't sleep. All I could do was think of you and these feelings I felt were so deep it was hard to make sense of it at first."

"I'm still locked up and being pumped full of drugs, ain't I?" I mutter under my breath and Buffy just laughs a little. "Or this is just a flashback and I'm not even really here with you."

"It's all very real. I promise you."

I'm feeling a sense of déjà vu here and I try to shrug it off. I laugh again at the fact that we're lying here so intimately and we're having this conversation.

"What's so funny?"

"This. How easy it is to talk to you when we're all naked," I reply, smirking as Buffy rolls her eyes playfully at me.

All it takes to bring me back to my senses is her rolling her hips up into mine and feeling how wet and hot her pussy is against my lower abdomen. I can still hear Willow and Tara in their bedroom, only just faintly now and I realize that if we're gonna do this, we're gonna have to be quiet or else we're gonna get caught. And I'm pretty fucking sure that's the last thing Buffy wants right now is for anyone else to know what's going on between us before she's figured it out for herself.

Yeah, I can be considerate when it comes to others. It's a learned skill I've gained over the last year. It's still feels different that I actually give a crap about others before myself, but I know it's the right way to be.

I know we have to really talk about things, but not tonight. We've talked enough as it is and I'm tired of feeling confused and fighting those thoughts in the back of my mind. So I do the only logical thing, I kiss her nice and deep, daring myself to try to show her that how I feel about her is real.

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><p>It's almost sunrise and I've been lying wide awake since Buffy fell asleep a little while ago. She's not in my arms, not anymore. She rolled away and on to her side not even ten minutes ago. Everything is quiet in the house, but inside my mind it's like a frigging nuthouse, voices screaming over others, whispered voices trying to coax me into doing things I don't want to do.<p>

One of those things to sneak out of the house and head back to the apartment before Buffy-or any of the others-wake up.

Maybe I should just go even though before she fell asleep she made me promise her I'd be here when she wakes up. I run my hands through my hair and sigh softly as I turn my head to look over at her. She's sleeping so soundly and even though I can't see her face, I know she probably still has that little smile curled over her lips just like she did when she first fell asleep in my arms.

I don't know if I did anything right, if I made love to her in the way she expected me to. All I know was it felt so damn good, better than the two times before, and better than it was in my head when I was all drugged up. There were times she looked at me with more than just lust and desire in her eyes. I don't want to think it's anything more, not now, not yet. I gotta stop confusing reality from the hallucination. This is Buffy, the _real_ Buffy and I know she just doesn't go and fall in love with just anyone, much less someone like me.

I make up my mind and decide to break the promise I made her. I slip out of bed and find my clothes. I keep watching her as I get dressed, careful not to make a sound to wake her. For a slayer, she's sure a deep sleeper. I pull open the window and climb out, careful not to step on the creaky spot I know is right outside the window on the roof. I turn around and look back in at her. She hasn't stirred. I frown and take a deep breath as I shut the window slowly and as quietly as I can before I walk to the edge of the roof and jump down to the grass.

The sun is just about to rise by the time I make it home and I ain't fucking surprised to see Giles still awake and sitting at his desk reading the morning paper already. When I shut the door, he turns to look at me and I know he's not exactly thrilled I up and disappeared for a couple of hours.

"Where have you been?" Giles asks and I can tell he's trying so hard to stay calm.

"Out."

"I see," he mutters and I shrug it off, but I don't move from where I'm standing. "Doing what, do I dare ask?"

"I was with Buffy," I reply, not caring that I have fresh love bites on my neck that are clear and plain as day and I know he can see them too. I know he's looking right at them. He titters as he turns back to his paper and closes it.

"And may I ask what is going on between you two?"

"Nothing."

"I may be a man and I may be a Watcher, Faith, but I'm not bloody blind and stupid!" He says and I lower my eyes as he turns to look at me, glaring a little. "Would you do the decent thing and be honest with me? Buffy is not as stable as she makes herself appear to be and I know you bloody well aren't either after all you've just been through as of late."

I know I look like a deer caught in the headlights right about now. Giles knows without me having to say anything. I just shrug it off like I don't care, but he ain't buying it.

"I know I may not be privileged to certain aspects of your private life, nor do I have a right to those specific details, but this-this concerns me, Faith."

"I know," I mutter. "It ain't like I plan for these things to happen, G! They just fucking happen and I go along for the ride here."

"I know you love her," he says a little too calmly and it makes me nervous as hell. "Believe me I know how you feel about her. It's been all too obvious for a long time now. I just worry about the consequences this will have for both of you. It is interfering with what we have to deal with here and now, and that is the apocalypse that is very much beginning and unfolding as of this second."

"G, don't gotta tell me twice. I know what I've gotten myself into and believe me when I say I know it's fucked up. But," I sigh as I look up at him and take a deep breath. "But, I can't help it. If you even knew how much I've wanted this and from her, you'd understand why."

Giles clears his throat and I know he's feeling a tad uncomfortable about all this. I am too. He fucking _knows_ about me and Buffy and I'm pretty sure he's the last one Buffy wanted to know about what the hell is going on between us.

"Shit," I groan and I stand there, unable to move from the very spot I've been in since I walked through the door. "It's that obvious, ain't it?"

"It is now," Giles replies with a light chuckle. "I do understand where you are coming from, but that does not mean I agree that what is happening between you two is perfectly normal and healthy. It is far from that."

"Would ya think the same thing if it was Spike instead of me?"

"I'd be far more disturbed if it was."

"G," I say heavily as I come to a realization. "I think I know why Olivia and Roman used me the way they did and fucked with my head in the ways they did."

"To turn your way of thinking to something else other than what is happening right in front of your very eyes, so to speak?"

Sometimes I forget just how logical and wise Giles can be.

"You need to put a stop to what is happening between you and Buffy and focus on what has been happening. This is no laughing matter, Faith, as I've told you earlier. The First is nothing to play around and we have absolutely no idea what it is planning."

"I know. Focus on slaying first, personal life never," I grumble under my breath and wink at him to show I'm joking a little. What? I'm trying to lighten the mood here and not make it so damn uncomfortable knowing Giles knows exactly what is happening with Buffy and me and just where I'd been before I came back home. "So, we calling a meeting soon or what?"

Giles nods his head and I head into the kitchen to make some coffee. He's already on the phone waking up the others, not even bothering to apologize for waking them up so damn early in the morning. It's nearly two hours before everyone shows up and by then I've already drank an entire pot of coffee to myself and made another.

Buffy hasn't said a word to me since she arrived with Willow and Tara. Dawn stayed behind at home, mostly because she has school in the morning and she's on a need to know basis when it comes to this apocalypse. While the others gathered around in the living room with Giles and started comparing notes and information they'd collected since I was taken, I walk into the kitchen and make myself another cup of coffee.

The hair on the back of my neck stands up as I feel Buffy's hands slide over my hips. Nobody can see us from the living room, but that doesn't mean it doesn't make me uncomfortable. I turn to her and she smiles a little, but it quickly fades when she realizes I'm not happy with her touching me at all right now.

"What's going on with you, Faith?"

"I ain't getting into this here and now, B. We got more important shit to deal with," I say quietly and she frowns. "We're gonna talk about this," I say as I point between her and me, "but we're not talking about it now, okay?"

"Faith, I-"

"Giles knows what we did last night," I cut her off and her face flushes red with embarrassment. I can see the anger in her eyes too.

"You told him?"

"Didn't have to. He knew soon as I walked in the door when I got home."

"I can't believe this!"

"Don't tell me Red and Tara didn't ask you about those hickies on your neck this morning."

"I told them it was a demon," she whispers and she chuckles a little. "They bought it."

I can't help but laugh a little at that too. But I don't like the fact that lying is far too easy for Buffy. This is not how she used to be-well, okay she did lie when Angel came back, but I don't blame her for that. Not now after I heard the facts straight from Angel himself about how feral he was when he came back from hell.

Buffy steps closer to me and places her hands on my hips. I fight the urge to push her away as I feel mesmerized by the intense look in her eyes. "How come you left?" She whispers and I sigh heavily. "You promised me you'd stay."

"I couldn't stay."

"That's all you have to say?"

"B, we're not even together. We're just fucking. Don't act like I dumped you or something after a night of wicked amazing sex."

It hurt more than words can express to say that to her, but I need her to back down right now. I don't know what the hell has changed for her in the last couple of weeks and sure, she says she feels something for me, love even, but I doubt it's anything more than her just dying to feel something normal and happy again.

It hurts 'cause I do love her, more than words can ever express, but we got bigger shit to deal with right now. And if we survive it, then maybe we can work on this whole being together thing. Maybe. If she'll even have me by the time this blows over.

I feel like I have to apologize for what I said to her. She's practically on the verge of tears. I look out into the living room and the others are still too busy talking to pay any attention to us. I take both of Buffy's hands in mine and lean in close.

"I'm an asshole, okay?" I say with a frown and she looks away from me. "I didn't mean it."

"You are an asshole," she mutters and I try not to laugh at the impossibly cute face she's pulling right now, trying to look upset and pissed up while trying to hide her smile.

I look down at her and she's wearing the tightest pair of jeans I've ever seen on her. I wiggle my eyebrows a little and that pulls a small laugh out of her. I move a hand to her lower back and make my way over her firm little ass. We're standing so close now that I can feel her hot breath on my lips and as much as I want to kiss her, I can't.

I look over when I hear a gasp and it's Tara. Buffy steps back from me quickly, but it's too late. Tara already saw me straight up feeling her ass and us about to kiss.

"I just-I came to get some coffee," she stammers as she walks past us to the coffee maker.

"Tara, it wasn't what it looked like," Buffy says quickly and I can only roll my eyes.

"I saw nothing," Tara replies with a wink. "Besides," she says softly as she looks at both of us, "it's not like you two were quiet last night."

Buffy stands there with her arms crossed over her chest and I can't wipe the grin off my face. I knew they weren't stupid and I knew we weren't as quiet as we tried to be. I look over at Buffy and she is stoic. I can't read her expression and I'd just love to know what's going through her mind right now.

"Does Will know?" Buffy asks and Tara just laughs a little as she makes up a cup of coffee for herself and for Willow. "Tara?"

"She suspects something is going on, but she hasn't exactly put two and two together yet."

"Oh."

"If you two want to come join us, we've figured out some pretty helpful information that can help in tracking down Olivia and Roman. We also think we may have found a way to get rid of them completely. Or at least for a few hundred thousand years."

I raise an eyebrow at Tara as she walks past us and doesn't say another word. I look over at Buffy and she's still expressionless.

"Let's get down to business, B," I say as I grab my now warm cup of coffee off the counter. "Let's figure how to fight these assholes. They may be immortal, but there's always a way around that."

"How?"

"Don't know, but why don't we go and find out?"

Buffy doesn't move as she drops her arms to her sides. She walks over to me and closes the distance quickly, planting her lips on mine in the softest kiss I've ever had. It leaves me a bit stunned and craving more and once I come to my senses, she's already gone and with the others in the living room. I shake it off and join them, taking the only available seat that is on the arm of the chair Buffy is sitting in. I ignore the obvious look from Tara and listen to what Giles has to say.

"Selwyn has received word from her coven and the one in England. They truly believe they have found a way to banish the Mother and the Immortal to another dimension. A hell dimension that will act as a prison for them."

"How are we going to pull this off?" I ask him and he looks over at Willow.

"With magic, of course," Willow replies with a smile. I see the pained look on Tara's face at the mention of magic and Willow is already on it. "Good magic, sweetie. Good magic always defeats evil more efficiently than dark magic."

I sip my coffee and try to get comfortable. It's going to be a long, long day. Yet again.


	26. Chapter 26

**Author's Notes: I apologize for reuploading chapter 23. No clue how or why that happened since the file on here is the right chapter. Weird. Let's try this again, shall we?**

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty-Six<strong>

It's dark and a bit chilly as I sit on top a headstone in one of the lesser patrolled cemeteries in Sunnydale. I can't even remember the name of this one, but I do know it's one I've rarely patrolled and Buffy had said the same thing before Giles sent us off here. We agreed to check out opposite ends of the cemetery, but I gave up after discovering that literally no one but us has been in this place in likely years. Moss and weeds are everywhere and not a single footprint in the dirt that I could see.

I keep thinking about what Willow, Selwyn and the coven are planning to do with Olivia and Roman. It's not gonna be easy, that's for sure and for the most part I didn't understand the magic mumbo-jumbo they were talking about. all I know is they have me convinced the whole spell to banish them to another dimension is gonna work, just as long as we can stall them somewhere just long enough for Willow, Selwyn and the coven to cast the spell.

The only reason we're in this run-down cemetery is because Giles heard some rumblings that the First had been sighted here a handful of times over the last few days. We don't even know what this thing looks like, but from what Angel filled us in on before we left, it can take form of anyone, anything that has died. Could be someone from the past that knows us, or someone random. Whatever it is, I ain't too impatient to find out.

I pull out my cigarettes from my pocket and light one, watching the smoke as it curls up into the night sky. I hear footsteps behind me and I leap off the headstone, already reaching for the stake inside my jacket.

"There you are," Buffy sighs as she steps out from behind a row of bushes. "I was looking everywhere for you."

"Barely moved from this spot since we got here, B. This place is a bust. Let's get out of here and hit up Restfield. Always got vamps crawling around there and if not, we can always find Spike and throw down with him a little."

I laugh but Buffy barely cracks a smile. "We should stay here," she says sternly and I shrug, trying to ignore that tone in her voice that bugs me. "Did you even go looking around at all?"

"Sure," I reply and she looks at me, completely skeptical. "From what I can see, B, ain't nobody or nothing been in this place for a long time. Whoever told Giles this "information" just fed him a pile of lies to throw us off the real trail here."

"We're staying."

"_You_ can stay and I'm gonna go grab myself a bite to eat. Ya find something, come find me."

"Faith," she snaps and it stops me from walking away. I turn to look at her and she's clearly pissed right off at me right now. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me? The hell, B? What's got your panties in a twist tonight? It's just a stupid routine patrol and we're out looking for something we don't even know what the hell it even looks like!"

Buffy laughs and it's a laugh I've never heard from her before. I feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up as I take another real long hard look at her. There's definitely something different about her. Her attitude is all wrong and by wrong, it seems forced. There's even a glint of something evil in her eyes and I take a few steps back, knowing this isn't Buffy in front of me. It's the First Evil.

"Took you long enough to figure out."

"The hell you want?" I ask and "Buffy" laughs as she takes a few steps closer to me. "Where is she?"

"Off looking for little 'ol me. Turns out that I'm not planning to meet her face to face just yet, but you on the other hand, I've been hearing many great things about you, Faith. It's just a shame you went and paid for your crimes and now you're stuck on a never-ending path to redemption. You could've been on our side."

"Even if I was the person I used to be, no way in hell would I ever choose your side."

The First shifted into Mayor Wilkins and I feel a little weak, a little sick to my stomach. His smile made me uncomfortable and I step back a few more steps, nearly tripping over the headstone I'd been sitting on before.

"Now, now, Faith, is that any way to treat an old friend?"

"Friend? Hardly."

"I'm right you know," it says, laughing in the way only the Mayor could laugh that sounded so innocent and simply evil at the same time. "You would've come to this side. You were on his," it says as he points to himself. "It's just a darn shame things didn't work out in the end, isn't it? It would've made this world so much easier to come back to."

I don't say anything and I finish off my cigarette, tossing it to the ground aimlessly. I look around, hoping to hell Buffy is seriously gonna show up any minute now, but there's nothing, no footsteps and I can't even feel her near.

The First shifts back into looking like Buffy and I wanna tell it off, tell it to be someone else, _anyone_ else but her. I bite my tongue. I have no idea what this thing is capable of or if it even has any kind of power. I ain't smart mouthing something that basically created all evil in this world.

"It's funny, isn't it?"

"What is?"

"How you truly believed you had changed your life, your past and the future," the First chuckled and I cringe. "Olivia had me convinced you'd fall for it. I'm sorry to say I ever doubted her. It was quite a ride, wasn't it, Faithy?"

"Was fun while it lasted," I say with a smirk, trying not to give in and show the First how fucking scared I am.

"I know what she told you," it says as it comes closer to me and I can't help but reach out, my hand going right through its shoulder. I feel a bit relieved knowing the rumours are true. It's non-corporeal still. "Things about me, about our plans. It can't happen yet. It's far too soon."

"You're telling me this because?"

"Now, I'm not one to kill my own family," it laughs as it starts to walk in slow circles around me. "She did create me to create evil and chaos in this world. Unfortunately, being grounded for nearly an eternity really makes a child hate its mother, if you know what I mean? I think you do."

I don't get where this thing is taking this conversation or why it's even bothering to tell me anything. What's the deal with the big bads telling me their evil plans? Isn't the last thing they want and need is a Slayer to know what they're planning? It doesn't make any sense.

Yet before the First can say anything more, it disappears into thin air. Within seconds of the First disappearing, Buffy comes around from the same place it first appeared to me. I look at her, skeptical, wondering if this is just another one of its tricks. She walks up to me and she looks at me curiously before she places a soft hand on my shoulder.

"Are you okay, Faith? You look like you've just seen a ghost."

"Something like that," I manage to say just barely above a whisper. "Shit, B, let's get the hell out of here, yeah?"

"Faith?" Buffy holds on to my arm to keep me from walking away from her. "Were you talking to someone before I found you? Talk to me."

"The First," I mutter. "Showed up wearing your skin. Thought it was you at first, but I knew something was off."

"What?" Buffy looks floored and she drops her hand from my arm. "The First showed itself to you? Wearing _my_ skin? What did it say to you?"

"Nothing," I say as I try to shake it off. "Just tried to fuck with my head, that's all. Let's just get out of here."

She reaches out for me again and I have no doubt in my mind she knows I'm scared. I just don't want to be touched by her right now and I shrug her off and storm away from her. I pick up my pace and run out of the cemetery, not stopping after I reach the street. Giles' car is parked just up the road and I hop in the front seat. I'm not that big of an asshole to drive off without her, leaving her stranded in a part of town where it'd take her hours to get home on foot.

Buffy is pissed when she finally makes it to the car and gets in the passenger seat. She reaches over and punches me hard in the shoulder, muttering "asshole" under her breath as I start up the car. I know Buffy is gonna start talking, going off on me for not talking to her about what had happened and what the First had said to me, so I crank up the radio and drive fast through the dark streets of Sunnydale, running a few stop signs before I hit a red light.

I don't know why, but I start thinking of that trip we made down to LA. It seems like it happened forever ago when I know it wasn't even that long ago. How did everything get from there to here so fucking fast? Even as complicated as things were, it was still before everything went to shit and before we fucked in that abandoned building and basically changed _everything_ between us.

As much as I know I love her, and I'll admit it freely now 'cause there's no point in trying to deny the fact that I do love her more than anyone I've ever loved in my life-which is next to nobody, I'd do anything to take back what happened that night. I pull over to the side of the road and slam on the breaks. I hear Buffy gasp beside me as I shut off the car, everything falling into silence aside from the odd cricket chirping in the grassy field next to us.

"What the hell?" Buffy mutters as she adjusts her seatbelt. "What are you doing, Faith?"

"We need to talk," I state as I look over at her and she just raises an eyebrow at me. "I mean, seriously talk about what's going on with us, B. I'm tired of dancing around the fucking obvious here."

"What's so obvious?"

"Where do I even start?" I laugh and she looks so damn confused right now. Can't blame her for that. "This thing that's going on between us, it's all sorts of fucked up, you know that right?"

"Faith-"

"If you hadn't died and was brought back from fucking Heaven feeling like a lost little girl void of emotions and unable to feel shit, we wouldn't even be here right now. Face it, B, you would've killed me before I had the chance to even kiss you, but now? Now you want it-you want me-and it's _fucked_, okay!"

"Faith, please calm down," she says softly as she reaches over for my hand. I'm gripping the steering wheel so tight I can barely feel her hand on mine. "You are wrong."

"About what?"

"That if what happened to me never happened that _this_ wouldn't be happening between us. You're so wrong. I may have always been confused and in denial when it came to you, but when I came back I…" she trails off as she takes her hand off mine and buries her face in her hands. She's crying. I sigh heavily and let go of the steering wheel and turn to look at her. "I don't know what it is or why, but since you found me that night, the only thing I can physically feel is the connection we have and I was so tired of trying to fight it. I gave in. I _wanted_ it even if it is fucked up."

Buffy furiously wipes at the tears on her face and turns to look over at me. I don't know what to say and I'm afraid if I open my mouth, I'll come off as an even bigger asshole than I already am.

"What will make this better, Faith?"

"Don't know if anything can."

"Can we start over?"

"Bit too late for that, don't ya think?"

I don't see the slap coming, but it stings like a bitch. She scrambles to get her seatbelt off and she gets out of the car, slamming the door behind her. I can only sit here and watch her as she walks at the side of the road, walking fast but not quite running to get away from me. I get out of the car and run to catch up to her. Every time I reach out for her, she turns and pushes me away from her, each time harder than the last.

"Fuck, B, would you quit it?" I yell at her and she stops walking. She spins around to look at me and she sends me hurling to the ground with a swift uppercut to my chin. "This your idea of starting over? 'Cause it fucking sucks!"

"You said it's too late to start over," she snaps at me and I get up from the ground, still feeling that punch. Hurts like a bitch. "So let me ask you this, Faith. Why would I even try to make things better if _you_ don't even want it to be?"

"Never said that."

"You're impossible, you know that?"

"Nah, I just like to make life fucking impossible when it doesn't need to be."

"So last night meant absolutely nothing to you?"

"Didn't say that, B. Stop putting words into my mouth," I snap at her and she looks so furious right now I know I gotta keep my distance. I should've never said anything. Every time I open my mouth, it ends in disaster. "It meant everything to me and you know that. I just don't like how fucked up everything else is between us. Sex? Having sex with you is the easy part. I want _more_ and I'm too fucking scared to take that step and I know you are too! Giles was right. What's going on between us is far from being normal and healthy. We're so far past the point of starting over now."

Look at me. I'm a fucking emotional wreck. I hate this part of me. It's the side of me I've always hidden and ignored for far too long and for good reason too. If I let my emotions control me, I probably never would have made it this far in life.

"More?" Buffy asks, her voice soft and quiet. She takes a step towards me and I back away. "I'm not going to hit you again," she says as she rolls her eyes. "Tell me what you mean by more, Faith?"

"Starting to think all those hallucinations had to mean something, had to come from somewhere, you know? Everything I saw in them, that's how I wanted my life to be. I just want to know what it's like to be loved, to have a family and friends who fucking care about me and to have someone to call my own. I've always wanted the things that are impossible, out of reach, and you're one of those things, Buffy. You're someone that I don't even deserve to have in my life, as a friend or anything else."

"Don't say that," she says with a frown. "You know that's not true, Faith. It's different now. Everything is different now. I care about you. You do have friends who care about you. _Our_ friends care about you. I never realized how much they did until you went missing and all they cared about was finding you before you wound up dead."

I'm not gonna get all worked up over this shit. I turn and head back to the car with Buffy hot on my heels. I shake my head, fighting off the tears, wondering when I came back down to this level. I thought I had it together, thought I had it all figured out and was moving on in my life. What Olivia and Roman did to me is far worse than fucking with me, they fucked with my feelings. God damn it.

This is exactly what they wanted. They wanted me to be such an emotional mess that I can't focus on the bigger picture here. Sad to say, they're succeeding and I don't know how to stop myself from feeling this way. It seems like I can't.

"What we have is far from perfect, Faith!" Buffy yells out at me as I hop into the car. She's right in beside me in a matter of seconds. "You can't expect perfect. Not here, not with the lives we have. It's not wrong, either, okay?"

"Then why is it so fucking hard?"

"I ask myself that same question every day," she admits and she leans over and hugs me tight. "God, Faith, what did they do to you?"

"Fucked with me. Big time," I mutter as I push her away from me. "Don't worry about it, B. I ain't in a good place right now, but it'll pass. I need some time, some space. Last night-" _shouldn't have happened_. I don't say it and I don't need to. She knows.

"Faith?" Buffy asks and I just stare at her, wondering what more she's gotta say. "What is going on between us? Is it honestly just sex or is it something more? I can't stand this back and forth that's been going on. I just want a straight answer here."

"Ain't nothing straight about what's going on between us," I chuckle and she lets a smile slip out at that. "We both want something more, yeah? Well, it's not gonna happen when we're both too fucking chicken-shit to do anything about it."

"Why are you scared?"

"Because it's _you_, B!" I blurt out and I sigh heavily. "I've wanted you for a long fucking time, since that night we first met. Always figured the only way I'd have you is in my dreams that overlap the nightmares. For us to be in the middle of a fucked up semi-relationship here, it seems fucking unreal to me so yeah, it scares the hell out of me. More than the First scared me tonight. More than when I'd be left alone as a child while my mother went out drinking and came home with random men at all hours of the night."

Might as well just lay all my fucking cards out on the table for her to see. What do I got to lose now?

"What if I told you I'm not going to be so chicken-shit about this whole thing from this moment on?" Buffy asks me and I shrug, not too sure how to answer that. "I know it's hard and it's different, but you were right when you said that love is love. I've already died and gone to heaven and was brought back here to what feels like hell. And yet, being with you and the way you make me feel when we aren't doing _this_, it makes me feel happy, loved, and at peace with myself."

I don't say anything. What can I say to all of that? She's stunned me into silence and I take my eyes off her as I slide the key into the ignition. I don't start the car and I just stare out at the road ahead of me. It's dark, empty, and too quiet.

"So," she sighs and I see her slump in her seat looking a bit rejected. "I'm going to ask you one more time, can we start over?"

"And by starting over, you mean what exactly, B?"

"Like we go out on dates, get to know each other. You know the normal dating thing everyone does with someone they like-or in our case, love."

"Does this mean I gotta wait for you to put out?" I ask, laughing a little and trying shamelessly to make light of this whole conversation. Buffy laughs too and I look at her, smiling like an idiot. "That wasn't a no, was it?"

"Wasn't a yes either," she quips and I wink at her as I start the engine and reach for the radio to turn the volume down. "So, what do you say?"

"Never actually dated anyone before, B, you know that."

"Just because you've never done something, doesn't mean you aren't capable of doing it right."

"If ya say so."

"I know so," she laughs and I pull away from the side of the road and head for the Summers' house to drop Buffy off for the night.

I smile when Buffy reaches for my hand and laces our fingers together. Even as bipolar as I'm feeling today, it relaxes me just feeling her holding my hand like this. It's something I could get used to. Not overnight, but in time. I know how I felt before about having anything with Buffy while we've got all this other shit on our plates to deal with, but she's being insistent and who am I to turn her away when I'm the one she needs and wants the most right now?

I pull up in the driveway and put the car in park. I leave the engine running as we both get out of the car. Buffy just gives me this weird look as I lead the way to the front door and stop her from going inside. I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear before I lean in and give her a soft, chaste kiss. Just as I'm about to pull back, trying to leave it as it is and say goodnight, she wraps her arms around me and kisses me nice and deep.

Her hands slip inside my jacket and around my back and I can't stop the moan that slips out. The things this woman does to me. Jesus. I pull back from her lips and just stare into her eyes for a moment. I don't know why I keep getting so down on myself and make everything so fucking complicated when everything I want is right here in front of me.

"I should go," I say and she nods her head a little but doesn't let go of me. "B?"

"Hmm?"

"Night," I whisper and she says goodnight back, barely whispering it. I watch as she unlocks the front door and heads inside before I go back to the car and get in.

I pull out of the driveway but stop in front of the house. I see her bedroom light flip on and her shadow just beyond the closed curtains. This feeling of happiness all but disappears the second I feel the cool metal of a gun at the back of my neck.

"Drive," Olivia says from behind me and I ease my foot on the gas pedal. "Now."

"Stealthy, Liv," I say as I look at her in the review mirror.

"Shut up and drive."

Well, this day just keeps gets better and better.

I roll my eyes and drive, making a few turns when she snaps at me to. We're headed out of town, that much I know as she instructs me to get on the highway. When I feel the gun ease off the back of my neck as I speed down the two-lane highway, I manage to slide my cell phone out of my pocket without Olivia noticing. I bring up Willow's number and send her a text. "Liv has me. Location unknown" and I make sure it's sent before I tuck it back into my pocket.

I glance back at her in the review mirror and if she saw me sending Willow a text, she doesn't say anything. She's just staring straight ahead, looking right back at me in the mirror. I offer her a snarky smile and she places the gun back at my neck.

"Turn off at the next road," she says and I give a little nod, looking for the next road, but don't see it anywhere. "Here!" Olivia yells, whacking the gun against the back of my head. I slam on the breaks and make the turn down what I know is most definitely not a road. "Drive until I say stop."

I feel my cell buzz and I got my fingers mentally crossed Olivia didn't hear it go off. I spot a sign by a shack and I know exactly where we are. I slip the cell phone out of my pocket and send my location to Willow, not even bothering to read her text she'd sent me back.

"Here," Olivia says and I quickly put my cell back into my pocket and come to a stop. She gets out of the car and pulls me out by my jacket before I can even shut the car off. "Walk," she demands as she pushes me forward and I walk, not daring to try to pull any shit with her.

"Where we going, Liv? You and your boy-toy gonna fuck with my head some more?" I ask her bitterly and she just laughs as she walks next to me and casually drapes her arm over my shoulders.

"Nah, we've had our fun with that," she chuckles and gives me a squeeze. "You and Buffy were sure looking cozy tonight. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess you two worked some things out?"

I don't say anything as she leads me to a patch of trees. I've been here before. I shudder as I try not to remember coming through here back before I hit up Sunnydale, running from Kakistos. The train tracks aren't too far from here. I hated hiding out here for a night but I remember being far too tired to keep going. We pass the tree I carved my name in and Olivia comes to a stop and places her hand over the carving, a small smile curling over her lips as she does.

I don't know what the fuck is going on, but I do know this is one crazy bitch.

All I can do is hope to hell Willow and the coven can assemble and get their asses over here to perform that spell of theirs to banish Olivia and Roman to another dimension before they all but disappear again.


	27. Chapter 27

****Author's Notes:** This is for you, daddy, for always telling me to keep writing no matter what I'm writing, but to write just to keep the imagination flowing freely. RIP**

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty-Seven<strong>

Roman is waiting by a small fire when we reach him. He doesn't look very happy as he looks over at me. He says something to Olivia in Spanish and she yells right back at him. I just stand there, amused as they start fighting, pointing at me and yelling some more. Now I don't know a lot of Spanish, never cared to learn any other language actually, but I know he keeps calling her a crazy bitch and I'm trying so hard not to laugh.

I look around at where we are and I can tell they've been camping here for the last couple of days. There's a tent pitched, supplies all over and a line hanging with clothes drying on it. As powerful as these two are, this is what it's come down to? Camping in a patch of trees in the fucking Californian desert? They could've left, could've gone off somewhere exotic where we'd never find them, but they've chosen to stay just outside of town.

Now the question is why. Why are they still here? I've gotta try to figure out their real motive here and what they're really planning, but it's hard when they're both bat-shit crazy.

I feel two buzzes come from my cell and I know that's a sign. We already have signals, all of us for when we're in trouble. It's just a damn shame I never had my cell on me when I was taken that night. At least now I can relax knowing the others are on their way to find us.

I could run, probably even make it back to the car before these two can stop arguing long enough to realize I've taken off. But if I do that, we're gonna lose the window of opportunity to do the spell and get rid of these assholes for the time being.

I pull out my cigarettes and light one, leaning casually against the tree next to me as I watch the two continue to yell at each other in Spanish and possibly another language. Roman looks over at me and he's pure of rage and fury. It does scare me a little since I ain't sure what he's planning to do. Either of them can kill me in a second, without warning and without much effort on their part. I just hope to hell that it doesn't come down to that.

"You!" Roman yells as he lunges towards me and yet, before he can get close to me, Olivia has him reigned in and on the ground. "She needs to be eliminated!" Roman yells as Olivia walks past him, shaking her head.

"Nobody is going to be eliminated, love," she says calmly as she walks up to me and takes the cigarette away from me. "Not yet," she says to me. "You don't need to worry, Faithy. I didn't bring you here to kill you."

"Then why am I here?"

She clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth and takes a long drag of my cigarette before handing it back to me. She ain't gonna tell me. I can tell by the look on her face. Fine by me. Just as long as they don't fuck with me anymore, I'll stay and be calm about this whole situation. What else can I do?

"You two are sure living it up out here," I say with a laugh as I point around to their little campsite. "I got a question for ya, Liv. If you two are avoiding us, why the hell did you come looking for me tonight and bring me here?"

"You're something special, Faith, more than you'll ever know. We need something from you and I will only ask you once before I use force to take it."

I stare her down hard and shake my head no. She pulls out a long, skinny dagger and holds it to my throat. I freeze instantly, not daring to move. She has this crazy look in her eyes and I don't wanna see how far she's gonna go with this.

"I thought you weren't gonna kill me?" I whisper and she laughs as she drags the tip of the dagger across my throat.

"I'm not," she says and she looks over at Roman. She snaps her fingers and he's up off the ground in a second. "He will if you fight him."

"What do you want from me?" I ask and she laughs as Roman comes to stand at her side.

"Slayer blood is a rare delicacy," Roman drawls as he takes the dagger from Olivia's hand and traces it over my pulse point. "It's something we were taking from you while we had you drugged."

Damn.

I feel sick to my stomach as I feel Roman press the tip of the blade just shy of my pulse point. It breaks the skin just enough to let a trickle of blood come out. I feel Olivia grab me from behind, keeping me steady as Roman leans in to lick the blood from my neck. I feel the fangs sink in a second later and my legs nearly give out.

"Damn," I groan and I try to keep calm. "Didn't know you were a vamp, Roman."

"He's not," Olivia snaps. "But he is equipped to feed himself when needed."

I close my eyes tight and fight through the pain. I try to keep calm, knowing if my heart speeds up, it'll give him more to drink. Olivia's grip on me tightens for a second before she pulls me away from Roman, yelling at him in Spanish. She lets me fall to the ground as she walks over to him and slaps him hard across his face.

I lay on the ground and bring my hand up to the puncture wound on my neck. The blood is trickling out, but not gushing as I expected it to be. Everything is spinning, likely from the blood loss, but I get to my feet and use the tree to steady myself. I pull my hand away from my neck and watch my blood as it runs down my fingers.

The two of them stop yelling and I watch as they give each other long, lingering looks before they're in each other's arms, kissing madly. I groan in disgust and use this window of opportunity to pull out my cell and check the messages Willow had sent me. I sigh in relief when I see they're on their way, ready to banish these two crazy fuckers to another dimension. Now the tricky part is to keep them preoccupied while Willow and the coven perform the spell just out of sight. But now that I think about it, it won't be too hard if these two keep making out like a couple of horny teenagers.

I slink down against the tree and sit down, feeling weak but already feeling my strength fighting to make my body recover. Perks of being a slayer. Doesn't always suck, just takes time.

I don't know how much time has passed, but when I feel my phone go off again, I know Willow and the others are here. I relax and watch Olivia and Roman as they disappear inside their tent. A smile creeps over my face thinking of how fucking easy this is turning out to be.

Not to jinx it or anything.

I pull out my cell and read the text. Willow and the coven are barely fifty feet away. I look around, trying to figure out which direction they are in and then I see Willow, just faintly and she waves over at me. I wave back and struggle to get to my feet. I know I gotta get my ass out of the way or I'll end up being sent to whatever hell dimension those two crazy fuckers are being sent to. I start walking towards Willow and the coven, nearly collapsing as I make it to them.

"Faith, are you all right?" Willow asks as she grabs my shoulders to look at the wound on my neck. "What happened?"

"Tell ya later. Get your witch mojo going, Red. Ain't gonna have a whole lot of time before those two aren't preoccupied with fucking each other's brains out."

Willow laughs a little before joining the coven in the circle. I see Selwyn at the center, already chanting as she paces, her hands held out towards the sky.

I move back and light another cigarette as I watch the spell unfolding before my eyes. I don't know what I expected, maybe some crazy lights or something. Smoke and mirrors kind of magic. But all there is, is an electricity feeling in the air that makes my hair on my arms stand right up. I keep thinking this is all too fucking easy, that everything somehow worked out just perfectly in our favour tonight.

I hear Olivia and Roman still, only faintly. But their screams aren't those of passion, they're of pain. I chuckle as I continue to watch Selwyn as she stops pacing and tilts her head up towards the sky. A big bright light shoots out from her and yeah, it's pretty fucking scary looking light.

The light is so bright I have to look away. It's brighter than sunlight on the sunniest, clearest day. When it fades, I feel like I've been blinded but as the seconds tick away, my eyes readjust to the darkness and I see the entire coven laying on the ground, motionless. Willow is the first to rise to her feet and I see her hair has turned stark white. Weird.

"Red, you okay?" I ask as I manage to make my way over to her. "Willow?" I try again when she doesn't answer me. She laughs like she's higher than a kite and I pull her away from the others. "Yo, you all right there, Willow?"

"That was great," she breathes out, laughing as the others start to get up from the ground, their hair as white as Willow's as well. "The magic. The energy. It felt so pure, so good."

"That's great. Did it work?" I ask impatiently and she nods her head and giggles again.

I head back to the campsite to check for myself. The tent is in ashes and the faintest outline of Roman and Olivia's bodies can be seen in the middle of the remains of the tent. I breathe a sigh of relief and just stand there while the coven comes to me.

"It is over," Selwyn says as she places a hand on my shoulder. "They are where they need to be."

"Far from over," I mutter as I turn to her. "They might not be here, but the First is."

"Ah yes," she nods sadly. "Unfortunately, there's nothing we can do as of yet. That all rests upon your shoulders, as well as Buffy's. Only a slayer can put a stop to what is coming."

"So, we can stop it?"

"Nothing is written in stone, child, but you must try. Try with all that you have. Rest assured, this will make things slightly more difficult for the First Evil, but not impossible. Without his two allies here, his Mother and Brother, he has to find another. Someone willing to be his vessel. You have time," Selwyn says and I just stare at her, wondering if she knows a helluva lot more than what she's revealed. "You have time. At year at most before things change, before the world changes. Live life now as if it's your last. Love as you have never loved before," she finishes and winks at me before she walks away.

"Okay," I laugh and Willow joins me, her hair already fading back into its natural colour. "Well, that was pretty easy, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," she nods and shrugs. "But hey, I'll take easy any day!"

"Me too," I reply and we both laugh. "The coven sure got here fast."

"Teleporting. Selwyn tells me that I'm not ready to learn, but one day she'll teach me all I need to know."

"Teleporting? That shit is real?" I ask and Willow nods as she points over to the coven. I watch as one by one they disappear into thin air. "Damn," I chuckle and I look over at Selwyn. "So, you're going too?"

"I must. We must prepare for what is coming," she nods in reply. "Willow, do keep in touch with myself and with Althenea in Devon."

"I will," Willow smiles and she hugs Selwyn before stepping away quickly to watch as she disappears just as the others had. "Faith, you're still bleeding," she says as she turns to me. I try to shrug it off, but she places her hand over the puncture wound on my neck. I feel a slight burning as she closes her eyes and just like that, she takes her hand away. "Just a little trick Selwyn taught me."

"You fucking healed me? With magic?" I ask as I run my fingers over my now smooth skin. "Damn, that's some crazy shit right there, Red. What else can you do? Got any other hidden surprises in your magic hat?"

"I don't own a magic hat, silly," Willow laughs and we head out of the woods and back to Giles' car together. "How do you always end up in these situations?"

"Unlucky," I reply with a shrug as we get in the car. "But luckily for me, I did and now they're gone. They're really gone, right? It's not just an illusion that they're gone?"

"They're gone," Willow says and she sighs heavily as she leans back in the passenger seat. "Is it just me or do you feel really relieved right now?"

"Just a bit. Got something bigger to deal with here, Red."

"Right. The First Evil. Evil-snivel."

I laugh at the way she's being, drunk with magic. I've never seen this side to Willow before. It's pretty fucking amusing to say the least. I drive back to Sunnydale and by the time I reach the Summers' house, Willow is passed out cold and snoring. Tara is the first to come running out of the house and straight to the car. I get out and carry Willow up to the house while Tara is throwing a barrage of questions at me. I ignore her as I carry Willow up to her and Tara's room and put her down on the bed.

Tara stops with the questions and just hugs me tight, whispering thank you in my ear before she leads me out of the bedroom and shuts the door behind us. I see Buffy come up the stairs and she just smiles at me before she wraps her arms around me to hug me even tighter than Tara just did.

"What happened out there tonight, Faith?" Buffy asks and I motion for us to head downstairs to have this conversation in the living room.

"After I dropped you off, B, I was gonna head home and that little bitch Olivia snuck in the car and had a gun to my head," I say and Tara's eyes go wide with shock as Buffy just stares at me, fully concerned. "I wasn't gonna fight her off, you know? Saw it as an opportunity to get rid of 'em for good. Went along for the ride and got in touch with Red to let her know where to find us."

"Do yourself and all of us a huge favor and stop getting taken by a couple of baddies, okay?" Buffy says and I laugh. "I just got you back after two weeks, Faith. I don't ever want to go through all that again."

"What was the spell like?" Tara asks as we sit down on the couch together and I shrug as I take a deep breath.

"It was pretty intense," I say honestly. "Selwyn did most of the spell from the looks of things."

I try to answer more of Tara's questions, but I can't help but notice the way Buffy keeps staring at me. I can't figure her out or why she's looking at me like that. The look in her eyes is fucking intense and it's a bit scary 'cause I ain't so sure if she wants to kick my ass for getting myself into another fucked up situation or kiss me to death for coming back alive.

"It's late," Buffy says before Tara can ask me anything else. "Why don't we just get some sleep and Will can fill you in on everything in the morning?"

"Okay," Tara says softly, nodding her head as she gets up from the couch. "Good night, Buffy. Good night, Faith."

"Night," I smile back at her and turn to Buffy, waiting until I hear Tara in her and Willow's bedroom before I pull Buffy towards me and kiss her softly. "Night, B. Again," I chuckle and I stand up from the couch only to be pulled right back down. "Come on, B. It's been a long fucking day and we both need to sleep."

"Stay," she pleads softly. "Please?"

"Can't."

"Why?"

"You know why, B. If I stay, neither of us will be sleeping at all tonight."

She pouts and I lean in to kiss the pout away. God, the things she does to me. I don't think I'll ever get over how she makes me feel. I'm still worried about her though, mostly about her mental stability. And I worry that once she's completely back to being her old self, that things between us will go one of two ways. Either forward from this point on, or take a giant leap backwards that'll end up with her pushing me out of her life for good.

"B, I'm gonna go home and get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning-well, afternoon and we'll train at the Magic Box for a couple hours, okay?"

"Fine," she grunts and lets me get up from the couch. She walks me to the front door and stops me before I can open it. "Just stop getting yourself taken by the baddies, okay?"

"No promises, B. You aren't the only one who wants me," I laugh and she rolls her eyes. "I'm a hot commodity here, in case you haven't noticed."

"Oh I've noticed all right," she says under her breath and lets me open the front door. She stands there and watches me as I make my way to the car and hop in the driver's seat.

This time she stays there until I pull out of the driveway and drive down the street. Can't blame her for wanting me to stay after what just happened to me. At least this time I make it home safe and sound, but the sun is already starting to rise and I know Giles is gonna be awake the second I walk through the door ready to fire a million questions at me I just don't wanna answer until I've had at least nine hours of sleep.

Thankfully, I get lucky and he's fast asleep on a cot he's set up in the living room for himself. I head straight up to the bedroom and collapse on the bed, barely able to keep my eyes open long enough to kick off my boots before I give into the pull of sleep.

* * *

><p>I need a serious vacation from my life right about now. I'm purposely avoiding going down to the Magic Box right now and instead I'm walking the streets of Sunnydale at four in the afternoon, counting down the hours until sunset. Somehow I end up in Restfield at Angel's old mansion. I get a feeling he's been staying there since he's come back to Sunnydale. We haven't had much of a chance to talk, barely at all when I think of it. I know it's still too early, but with Angel I can almost guarantee he won't be sleeping right now.<p>

I let myself in the side door and see him sitting by the fireplace, reading a book. He looks up at me and smiles as I quickly shut the door and the light out. Before I can get a word out, Angel has his arms wrapped tightly around me.

"Nice to see you too, big guy," I laugh as he lets me go.

"I've been worried about you," he says and I shrug as I take a seat on the couch. "It never ceases to amaze me the kind of situations you manage to get yourself into, Faith."

"You know me, always the unlucky one," I chuckle and he just shakes his head, fighting off the smile I know is just dying to come out. "How long you planning to stay?"

"Not long," he replies as he sits down next to me. "I'm leaving tonight."

"Oh."

"I've been here for two weeks helping the others track you down, Faith. I can't stay any longer than I need to. I'm needed down in LA."

"I know, just miss having you around, that's all. Miss those long, heartfelt talks about random shit we'd have when ya came to visit me."

That brings the smile out and he wraps an arm around my shoulders. "Faith, you need to be more aware of what is happening around you. What's happened to you since Buffy came back? You aren't the same. You're acting careless and making poor decisions."

"Long story."

"I've got plenty of time," he says softly and I shake my head no. The last thing I want to do is tell him I'm fucking his ex-girlfriend. "Faith?"

"Angel, it's a long story and I don't think it's one ya wanna hear right now."

"Try me."

"I-"

"What's going on with you and Buffy?" Angel cuts me off and I get up from the couch, not wanting to be too close to him right now in case something I say sets him off. "I know there's something going on with you two. I could sense it the moment I showed up to help them look for you."

"It's complicated," I sigh and I hold my breath, watching his reaction. His face is expressionless and he's being patient with me right now. Too patient. "You know how I feel about her and you know the way she makes me feel sometimes, I can't control it. I just give in 'cause it's easier to give in than to shut it out and run away."

I think he knows what's going on between me and Buffy, but he's just waiting for me to say it to him. Wish it was just that easy. He might be Angel and I do love him in the weirdest way, like a brother, but he and Buffy have history together and I know that he still loves her. I just don't know how he'd feel knowing I have her in ways he never could.

Angel just continues to stare at me and I feel a little uncomfortable with all this awkward silence between us. I sit back down on the couch when he motions for me to and I breathe out heavily as I lower my head.

"Faith, please talk to me," he says softly and I nearly jump when he puts a hand on my shoulder. "I know there's something going on between you two. You probably think I'm going to react badly if you say it."

"Right."

"Faith?"

"What, Angel?" I snap and I try to calm down. He just wants to talk and here I am making this whole thing way worse than it actually is. "What do you want me to say? I told you, it's complicated okay. After all the shit I've been through lately, I just want a serious break here."

"Come to LA for a couple of days."

"I wish."

"Faith," he sighs and I look over at him with a frown. "I know you have things going on here you can't quite run away from, but if you need a break and I know you do. You should come with me to LA. Just for a weekend. Buffy can handle the slaying while you're gone."

Going to LA for a weekend sounds so very tempting. Just the kind of vacation from my life that I need right now. I don't want to go but I know I _need_ to or everything that's been going on here in Sunnydale is gonna end up driving me bat-shit crazy.

"When do we leave?"

"In an hour," Angel replies with a ghost of a smile dancing over his lips. "Go talk to Giles and I'll come around and pick you up."

I resist the urge to hug him and I leave, heading straight for the Magic Box to talk to Giles about my spontaneous and much needed mini-vacation to LA for a weekend.

I don't know what it is, but I feel a mix of happy and worried. Angel is right though. Buffy can handle the slaying for a weekend. She did it for years alone without me, what difference will one little weekend make?

Just jinxed it, didn't I?


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

I don't know what it is about LA, but soon as we got here, I felt right at home. Angel went to check his messages in his office and I headed to the kitchen with hopes in finding something half-decent to eat. no surprise there's nothing but beer in the fridge and an empty pizza box on the counter. I head back out to the lobby and nearly run into Gunn as he comes running in the back door. He looks stunned for a split second before he pulls me in for a tight hug.

Cordy comes out from behind the desk, pulls Gunn away from me, and yells at him to put his weapons away where they belong. I laugh at the tone in her voice and she turns to me, giving me a cold stare before she hugs me. This is turning into a giant hug-fest and I'm not entirely comfortable with it.

I hear Angel laughing in his office and I roll my eyes as I push Cordy off of me. she pouts and steps back, crossing her arms over her chest and just glares at me.

It isn't long before Cordy is firing a million questions at me about what had been happening in Sunnydale. I patiently answer every one of them, eyeing Gunn and the weapons he's gathering that are scattered around the lobby. When she notices my attention is no longer on her, she storms off back behind the desk and picks up her nail file, looking royally bored and pissed off.

"Yo," I say to Gunn as I walk over to the weapons chest. "Got any new, pretty toys I can test out?"

"I do, but you're not here to work."

"Who says slaying is work?" I ask with a laugh. He chuckles and hands me a brand new mini crossbow. "Wicked. What's the range on this thing?"

"Far," he smirks and I examine the weapon. It's light and easy to use and reload from the looks of it. "How about you come with me later and you can test it out? Heard of a nest of demons crawling around and was planning to take them out tonight."

"By yourself?"

"Yep," he says with a nod as I hand the crossbow back to him. He puts it away in the chest and shuts the doors. "What do you say, Faith? Come kick some nasty demon ass with me?"

"No," Cordy says and she's right there next to us. "She is _not_ here to work. Faith, where are you staying?"

"Uh, here?"

"No," she says as she grabs my arm and tugs me towards the front door. "Grab your bag," she instructs as she points to my bag on the sofa. "You are coming to stay with me this weekend and don't even try to talk your way out of it. I need some serious girl bonding time and Fred hardly shows her face long enough to have some fun around here!"

I laugh and grab my bag, waving goodbye to Angel as he leans back in his chair to look out of his office at the events that are unfolding. He gives a little nod and I follow Cordy out of the Hyperion and to a flashy little white sports car parked behind Angel's car out front.

"Nice wheels, Cordy," I say as I let out a low whistle. She laughs and unlocks the doors. I get in the passenger seat and fling my bag into the back seat. "What's the deal here, Cordy?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Why are you really getting me outta there? There ain't anything going on around here you guys don't want me knowing about, is there?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Faith. I told you, I'm in need for some serious girl bonding time!"

I just stare at her like she's grown two heads. Or five. She laughs and pulls away from the curb, speeding through the busy LA traffic and driving like a complete maniac. I don't think I've ever feared for my life more in a vehicle than I do right now. I grab on to the door and try to stay calm. Cordy glances over at me and laughs as she comes to a hard stop at a red light, just barely missing the car in front of her.

"And this girl bonding thing?" I say through gritted teeth. "It's not you trying to kill me, is it?"

"Oh no, we're stopping at my place to get changed into more suitable clothing."

"Why?"

"We're going dancing!"

I groan as she steps on the gas, nearly sideswiping the car in front of us as she drives past it. This is gonna be a fun night. Bonding with Cordelia Chase? Guess I can cross that one off the bucket list.

* * *

><p>The club Cordy brought me to is definitely not something I expected. I barely even caught the name as she dragged me to the front door and the bouncer let us right in despite the lineup halfway down the block. The music is pumping, it's dark aside from the flashing lights on the huge dance floor. She leads the way over to the neon lit bar along the side and takes a seat on a stool.<p>

I can't help but check her out. She's wearing a tight-and short-black dress with heels that make her tower over me even more so. It surprised me when we got to her place that it didn't take her long to get ready and transformed completely. Her hair is wild, her makeup bold and yeah, she's fucking hot and she knows it.

As for me? I didn't even bother changing. Black jeans, tight black t-shirt with my black jean jacket and boots. She didn't even complain about the way I looked either. I half expected her to try to dress me up in one of her outfits, but I gotta say I'm fucking relieved she didn't go that far.

"Four shots of Jack, a beer for her and a Cosmo!" Cordy yells at the bartender and he nods and smiles at her as he gets our drinks. "So?"

"So?" I ask her and I turn on the stool to look around at the club for a second before looking back at her. "You come here often?"

"Sometimes."

The bartender places the four shots, her drink and a cold Budweiser down in front of us. Cordy pulls a twenty out of her bra and hands it to him. I laugh and we grab the first shot. I got mine down and am reaching for the other before Cordy can even get the shot glass to her lips.

After we have our drinks, Cordy pulls me out to the dance floor. I lose myself to the music, but no matter how hard I keep trying, I only got one woman on my mind right now and that's Buffy. I want her here with me instead of Cordelia. I want to be dancing with her, having drinks with her and having a damn good time with her instead of Cordelia.

It isn't long before Cordy has two guys dancing with her. a few have tried to dance with me, but I keep pushing them away, sometimes not too lightly. I give up after about six guys and head back to the bar, ordering a few more shots and another beer. I take my shots one after another, all four of them at the bar before I spot an open booth and head over towards it.

"Faith, what gives?" Cordy yells at me as she comes over to the booth and stands there with her hands on her hips. "We're here to have fun!"

"I'm having fun," I mutter and she shakes her head and sits down across from me.

"What's up with you?" Cordy asks and I just shrug it off, taking a few sips of my beer as I look out at the crowd of people on the dance floor. "It's Buffy, isn't it?"

"What?" I nearly choke on my own air. How the hell does she know about Buffy?

"You're worried about leaving her alone?"

I breathe a sigh of relief. "She's a big girl, Cordy."

"But she needs you just like you need her."

"What are you saying?"

Cordy moves to sit next to me so she's not yelling over the music. "Buffy called Angel the day after you went missing. She talked to me first and she was pretty frantic about you disappearing like that. I've never heard her like that, Faith."

"So? She was just worried about me, that's all."

"No," Cordy says and shakes her head. "It's more than that."

"What are you trying to say?"

"She's in love with you."

I laugh and chug the rest of my beer and try to get up. Cordy just pushes me back down and motions to the bartender to bring over a couple more drinks.

"You got all that from a phone call?" I ask her and she laughs, shaking her head no.

"Intuition," Cordy replies in a matter-of-fact tone. "That and Angel told me there's something going on between you two."

I scoff and try to get up again, but she's determined not to let me just walk away. I could push her aside, slayer here after all, but I'm not gonna hurt her just to get out of having this conversation with her.

"Angel told you to take me out tonight, didn't he?"

"No," she replies and the bartender comes over with a Cosmo for her and another beer for me. "I was serious about the girl bonding thing. I was hoping it'd be more…fun."

"I'm having a fucking blast," I say sarcastically.

"You won't talk to Angel, but I'm hoping you'll talk to me."

"Seriously?" I laugh and nearly chug back most of my beer, already starting to feel the buzz from the shots and the other two beers I've had already. "What makes you think I'm gonna talk to you, Cordy?"

"Because you need to talk about it with someone that isn't in Sunnydale and with someone who isn't Angel. So, that makes me the perfect someone, doesn't it?"

"I guess."

"So?"

"What, Cordy? What do ya want me to say?"

"What is going on with you two?"

"It's complicated."

"Try me," she says with a smile that almost looks forced.

"She came back different," I say, breathing in deeply as I look over at Cordy. She's staring at me, barely moving as she hangs on every word. "She was different when she came back. void of something inside of her. What I don't know, but she kept saying she can't feel anything. Spike told her she came back wrong one night and I'm going out on a limb here and gonna say that's what set this whole thing off."

"Wrong? How?"

"He could hurt her without that damn chip in his head firing off."

I finish off my beer and laugh a little. I can't believe I'm fucking telling her this. I don't believe her when she says Angel didn't tell her to take me out tonight to get some answers outta me.

"We got in a fight. Nothing new with us, right? But let's just say the end results was something that ain't ever happened between us before," I say with a slight chuckle and Cordelia's eyebrows rise up high at that. "She hated what happened, but then it happened again and she _wanted_ it. Who am I to say no to that?"

"Right, because we all know you've been in love with Buffy since the night you showed up in Sunnydale and fed us all those bullshit slaying stories."

I laugh and feel a little bit at ease. Relieved in a sense. Weird as it is 'cause it's Cordy I'm telling this to. I know that it'll all come back to Angel. Just how it is, but it doesn't scare me, not like it did earlier when he was trying to get me to talk about it.

"And now?" Cordy asks and I just shrug. "Come on, Faith. Clearly she has feelings for you if it keeps happening."

"I told ya, it's complicated. We both want it, but you know, scared at the same time."

"Why scared? Willow is a lesbian. It's not like Buffy's friends will care if she's a big, raging lesbian too."

"Think there's a helluva lot more to it than that, Cordy. Anyone else, I'm pretty sure Buffy wouldn't care."

"Buffy wouldn't be with any other woman if it wasn't you, Faith. Hell, if I was even just a little bit gay-and I'm not just for the record here-I'd want to be with you too even if it was just for one night."

"So, you're saying if you were just a little bit gay, you'd want to fuck me?"

"Oh, get over yourself. You know you're hot," Cordy laughs and I wiggle my eyebrows at her and flash the sexiest smile I can manage. "So, things with you and Buffy are complicated? Then un-complicate things, Faith."

"Easier said than done."

"Right, because Buffy is just as stubborn as you are. You two are _so_ made for each other. I wondered how long it'd take you two to figure it out."

"I can't believe we're even talking about this."

"I know," Cordy smirks. "But we are so get over it."

"If you start asking how great the sex is-"

"I _so_ don't need to know!"

"Best I've ever had," I laugh, winking as I get up from the booth and head over to the bar. I look back at Cordy and she looks a mix of amused and disgusted.

Now I'm feeling much more in a mood to get drunk and dance the night away. I order another beer and a Cosmo for Cordy. As weird as it was talking to her about Buffy, I can't shake that relieved feeling I got as soon as I told her. Buffy ain't gonna be happy that I told Cordelia about what's going on between us, but it ain't like I had much of a choice here.

But for now, I'm gonna just try to forget the whole conversation happened. And try to forget about Buffy and how much I fucking miss her.

* * *

><p>The couch I'm sleeping on is a helluva lot more comfortable than it looks. It's almost five in the morning and we just got back from the club about an hour ago. Cordy couldn't even drive and I wasn't in any condition to either. We left her car there and caught a cab back to her place and it cost a fucking fortune! If it wasn't so far, I would've carried Cordy home since she could barely even walk.<p>

Phantom Dennis, her ghost, wasn't too happy when I showed up with her. He kept trying to keep me outta the apartment, but after Cordy let the bitch in her loose on him, I haven't heard a peep outta Phantom Dennis since. It still freaks me out though being in here knowing he's watching me.

I see a shadow just out of the corner of my eye and I sit up on the couch. I flip on the lamp on the table next to me and I can see the shadow. It's Olivia.

"What the fuck?" I mutter as she walks over to me. "Thought we banished ya, Liv? Was that just a trick?"

"It wasn't a trick," she laughs and she sits on the coffee table in front of me. "We were banished. He still is, but me? Nothing can keep me contained for long. You're forgetting that I had a hand in creating that dimension your little Wiccan friends sent us to. Escaping was not an issue. Poor Roman, he doesn't have the power to escape on his own."

"Could've brought your boy-toy out with ya."

"He needs to cool down," she chuckles. "A few hundred years in a hell dimension should do it."

"What the hell you doing here?"

"You're a hard one to find, Faith. I looked all over Sunnydale for you tonight. I couldn't even feel you. I stalked that little girlfriend of yours and your friends. Overheard them talking about how you were down here with Angelus."

"If you hurt any of them-"

"I didn't touch a single hair on their heads, Faithy. Don't you dare try to threaten me," she snaps as she grabs both my hands. "It's funny, isn't it?"

"What?"

"How just when you think you have found a solution to the problem, it's come right back," she laughs maniacally. "But how many times do I have to tell you, Faithy? _I _am not the problem."

"The First is."

"Yes, but it's only begun."

"Let me get this straight," I say as I pull my hands out of her grip. "_You_ aren't the problem, Liv? You smoking crack or something? You are a problem! You are a fucking pain in my ass! You fucked with me. Big time."

"And it was so much fun," she grins and I get up from the couch and flip on another lamp. "I did it for _him_, Faithy. Haven't you ever had someone in your life you'd do absolutely _anything_ for?"

I don't answer her 'cause I know she already knows the answer to that question. I just hope to hell Cordy is still passed out. I don't want her knowing that Olivia is back. I don't want anyone knowing she is. Sure, I can't kill her or anything, but I'm sure as hell gonna try to keep her outta the bigger picture. Just don't know _how_ I'm gonna do that yet.

"You're still pissed about us drugging you, aren't you?"

"Fucking right I'm still pissed!"

Olivia laughs as she gets up and walks right over to me, moving too fast for me to get out of the way. She grabs me by my shoulders and just stares right into my eyes.

"I was going to apologize," she says quietly. "But you know, it was too fun and I don't even feel a tiny bit bad or guilty for putting you through all that. I still can't believe you thought it was _real_."

"Get out of here," I hiss at her and try to push her away, but she's stronger than me and I can't even get her to budge. "Let go of me. Now."

"Or what, Faithy? Just what can you do? You can't hurt me, you can't kill me, and you're definitely not stronger than me."

"Then why don't you just fucking kill me and get it over with, Liv? Wouldn't it make your life a helluva lot easier if I was outta the picture? Or do you truly like fucking with me and my life so much you're gonna keep doing it until you've drove me completely bat-shit crazy?"

"Killing you is far too easy," she laughs and leans in and plants a kiss on my lips. It makes me feel sick and I try again to no avail to push her away. It only causes her to kiss me harder.

Olivia finally lets me go and I deck her in the face. I suppress the yell that wants to escape. It feels like I just broke my god damn hand punching her! Olivia laughs as I head for the kitchen and pull out a piece of steak from the freezer and put it on my swollen and likely broken hand. Olivia is gone by the time I go back to the living room and I curse under my breath as I lay on the couch.

I'd do anything to get rid of this bitch. Anything.

Starting to think there is no way in getting rid of her, even temporarily. Just fucking great.

* * *

><p>Angel frowns as I pace his office and tell him what happened with Olivia last night and how she showed up at Cordy's apartment out of nowhere. My hand is in a cast now all thanks to Cordy waking up and freaking out over how swollen and broken it was. Of course as soon as Angel found out I'd broken my hand, he demanded to know what had happened for me to have done that to myself.<p>

And that leads us to being here in his office with the door closed and me pissed as hell.

"So, banishing her to that dimension didn't work," Angel states the obvious and I stop pacing and just stare at him. "There has to be something else we can do, something that hasn't been tried yet."

"Angel, banishing that bitch to another dimension was supposed to work and it didn't!"

He leans back in his chair and folds his hands over his lap. He's thinking. I can practically see the wheels turning in his mind. I grab a chair and sit in front of the desk, propping my feet up on the edge as I pick at the edges of my cast, already itching to get the damn thing off.

"There has to be another way," he says calmly. "I have an idea who to ask for some help."

"You're going to Wolfram and Hart? Fuck that, Angel!"

"What other choice do we have, Faith? They have a fault of information there we can use to our advantage! There might be something there that tells us how to get rid of this woman, this Mother as she calls herself. I don't like the idea any more than you do, but we've been left with no choice. It's our only option in finding some help."

"So, what then, Angel? We just break in the place to search this vault for information and then what?"

"Actually," he says as he reaches for the phone. "We won't even need to go there. I just need to make a phone call. Privately."

I roll my eyes and leave him alone in his office. It's quiet in the hotel today and I walk over to the sofa and sit down, still picking away at the edges of the cast. Cordy hasn't come around today and she likely won't. With the amount of alcohol she drank last night, she'll be feeling it for days. I haven't even seen Wes or Gunn around either since I showed up to talk to Angel.

I head out to the back courtyard, and sit down on the steps. I light a cigarette and close my eyes as I inhale deeply. The sun has just set and another night has begun. It's just a damn fucking shame I can't go out and enjoy myself like I did last night with Cordy. I could and try to forget everything else even just for a night, but it'd make me feel guilty.

I start thinking about Buffy, it's hard not to when I'm alone with my thoughts these days. I just want life to go back to the way it was even just a few weeks ago. Things were easier then, but then again they were easier before Buffy came back. I feel like we'll never get a chance to start over. There's always gonna be something there in the way making it difficult for us to try to be together. And just thinking of us together brings me back to the hallucinations and I laugh, still pissed I believed any of that shit was real.

I barely look at Angel as he comes outside and sits down on the steps next to me. I can feel him staring at me and I crush out my cigarette on the ground and breathe in deeply.

"So?" I ask him as I turn to look at him. "You find out what you needed to?"

"Yes," he nods and he smiles a little. "I was right," he says and I raise an eyebrow. "There is a way to kill her."

"And let me guess. It ain't as simple as some kind of a spell, is it?"

"Not quite," he replies and the smile fades quickly. "The coven had the right spell. The only problem is that they didn't know a slayer had to be sent to that dimension with them."

"So I _can_ kill her, but just not here?" I ask him and he nods his head slowly. "Well then, what are we waiting for? Let's get on this and kill the bitch."

"Faith, you need to understand something."

"Understand what? Send me and that bitch back to that dimension and I'll kill her."

"You might not be able to come back," he whispers and all hope I just had building up is torn from me in a second. "The risks are big, Faith."

"I don't care. Just tell me what I have to do and let's get it done and over with already."

Angel motions for me to follow him inside. Damn, risky or not, he was still planning on going through with this before he even talked to me. Selwyn and the entire coven are standing in the lobby. Angel walks over to the weapons chest and grabs a long broadsword. He hands it to me and points to the middle of the circle the coven is in.

"Don't we need Olivia here for this?" I ask and Selwyn steps forward, nodding her head. "Well, where is she?"

"Patience," she whispers and she mutters something under her breath and in a flash, Olivia is standing next to me looking a mix of pissed the hell off and confused.

Now my head is swimming with a million different questions. If they could just zap Olivia here, why couldn't they have done that before? I got a few questions for Angel too, like why would he play it off like he didn't want me doing this because the risk is too big only to have already called in Selwyn and the coven to do this spell? And how did he even manage to make the phone call to Wolfram and Hart and get the coven here so quickly? And how the hell am I supposed to kill Olivia once we're sent to that hell dimension? She ain't going without a fight, that's for damn sure.

The coven is quick to perform the spell before Olivia can get the hell away. She just looks at me and I smirk as I clutch the sword. I swear she almost looks terrified. Good 'cause I'm fucking terrified too!

I feel this darkness surrounding me and I close my eyes and fight to keep conscious. There's nothing else in this world to compare to this feeling of being ripped out of your own world. Literally.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

This place brings a completely new meaning of hell to me. It's hot, the air is almost suffocating, and it's dark. As soon as I opened my eyes once we were sent here, Olivia was off running away from me as fast as she could run. I've been chasing her down which feels like hours when I know it's only been minutes. There are fucking nasty looking demons crawling around this place, some of which are chasing after me now too.

Just fucking great. Got two problems on my hands and gotta take care of this bitch before she can escape outta here just as she did the first time we sent her here. I feel the claws scrape down my back and I swing around quickly, decapitating the demon's head clean off with one swing of the sword Angel gave me. The pain is intense, but I don't stop. I _can't_ stop.

I see Olivia up ahead. She's slowed right down. I use this as an opportunity to gain on her and when she turns to look at me, she looks downright terrified.

"What's with the bailing act, Liv?" I ask her breathlessly as I manage to grab on to the back of her shirt. "You know I'm going to kill you. No sense in trying to run away."

"How did they know?" Olivia gasps as she tries to get away from me. I move too quickly for her and wrap an arm around her as I hold the sword to her throat. "How did they know?"

"Isn't it funny how things quickly turn around?" I ask her, completely ignoring her question. I feel her quivering and I grin, pressing the sword harder against her throat. "I'm going to enjoy this," I whisper in to her ear.

She whimpers as I let go of her and I half expect her to run. She just turns to me and she's crying. I laugh as I ready the sword and take aim right at her throat. I could torture her, make her feel pain she's never felt before, but that could be giving her an opportunity to get away and escape this dimension before I have the chance to kill her. This is what I came here for, to kill her, not to torture her as a form of payback for fucking with me the way she has.

"You'll never make it out of here alive," Olivia says through gritted teeth.

"We'll see about that," I reply as I take a hard, swift swing at her neck. It's a clean cut and her eyes are instantly lifeless. I watch as her head rolls off her body before her body falls to the ground. "Bet ya wished ya killed me when ya had the chance," I laugh as I give her head a kick and watch it roll.

I'm breathing heavily and there is an insane amount of adrenaline pumping through my body. I hear a pack of demons growling and heading straight for me. I look around, looking for a place to run and hide. The pain from being clawed is starting to really hit me and I don't know if I can take on a demon, much less half a dozen from the sounds of it.

I have no idea how long I have to wait until the coven can pull me out-if they can. I gotta recover and I gotta find a safe place to hide out until I can get my ass outta this fucked up dimension.

I just start running, backtracking the way I came and the opposite directions the demons are coming from. After about five minutes, I'm in far too much pain to keep running. I fall to my hands and knees, the sword clattering on the ground next to me and I try to breathe. Every second it's becoming harder and it feels like the air is being sucked away and growing hotter by the minute.

I want out of this fucking place like ten minutes ago. I feel like screaming, but I have no energy left in me to do that. Besides, I ain't stupid. Screaming will only attract demons and other worldly things my way and the last thing I need is to be fucking killed in a place like this.

I get to my feet, starting to feel angry I was thrust into this without any kind of a plan. Just send the slayer to the hell dimension with the crazy bitch so the slayer can kill her. Some fucking plan!

I start thinking of Buffy again. She'll probably kill me once I'm back for even agreeing to doing this in the first place. I can't blame her. If she was in my place, I'd probably want to kill her too for being so damn stupid!

The drive to get out from being in the open is what pushes me to keep moving. There are flashes of what looks like lightning crawling over the sky, but it's not lightning-at least I don't think it is. Something looks and feels different about it and it makes every hair on my body stand straight up. It feels like magic in a really weird way, and not bad magic. Good magic.

I just hope it's coming from the coven as they try to get me the hell outta here. I start walking in the direction most of the lightning is coming from. I climb up the steep hill, forcing myself to keep going until I reach the top. I'm breathless and about to drop where I stand as soon as I reach the top.

"Faith!" Willow yells and I drop the sword, laughing and crying as I fall to the ground. "Faith?"

"What the hell you doing here, Red?"

"I'm not actually _here_, just my soul is. I had to come find you. The coven has been struggling to get back in here and pull you out."

"Ain't been that long, Red."

"It's been _months_!"

What. The. Fuck?

"Ain't possible!" I gasp and I try to get to my feet but my body just doesn't want to cooperate with me.

How has it been months? How many fucking months? I've been here an hour, tops! I decide to panic later, like after I'm outta this place and back home where I belong. Willow or at least her soul is starting to fade and I struggle to walk over to where she stands.

"Get me outta here, Willow. Now."

"We're trying," she says frantically. "We're trying, Faith!"

"Better try a little harder!" I yell as I spot a massive dragon flying right towards us.

I'm yanked outta this dimension suddenly with such force I nearly black out. I lay on the ground of the floor inside the Magic Box, gasping for air. It's so bright in here I can hardly keep my eyes open, but I know I'm home and I can feel Buffy. It's strong, our connection, and it feels like she's not just near me, but _in_ me. I start laughing as I struggle to sit up, but with the claw marks in my back, the pain hits me again even worse than before.

Their voices are muffled, but frantic. I'm being moved from the floor and on to the table. Slowly my eyes adjust to the light and everything becomes clearer. I see Selwyn standing off to the side, chanting softly under her breath.

I feel sick. I roll on my side and Buffy is right there, holding on to me as I empty my stomach on the Magic Box floor. I feel the hot tears roll down my cheeks as I roll on to my back, fighting my way through the pain. I blink through the tears to look at Buffy and she looks so tired. Maybe angry too. Or happy. Fuck if I know right now.

Right now though I need some god damn answers! I just can't seem to speak, my throat is too dry, too tight and I can barely breathe in deep without my lungs burning.

"Is she okay?" Buffy asks Selwyn as she joins us. She places a hand over my head and nods her head slowly. "Why isn't she talking?"

"Give her a moment or two to recover," Selwyn responds calmly and she motions for Buffy to turn me over on my stomach. "These are deep, child," she says and I feel her fingers just lightly pulling away the ripped fabric of my jacket away from the claw marks. "Willow?"

"Yeah?"

"I will need your help with a healing spell. I'm afraid I have very little magic left at the moment."

I close my eyes, just wanting this to be over. I've been through enough shit as it is and it just keeps on coming! Am I ever gonna catch a break here?

"Two and a half months," I hear Anya say to Xander. "She missed Christmas, Xander! Does that mean now that she's back we gotta buy her gifts because she missed Christmas?"

"Ahn, not now."

I close my eyes tight as I feel a slight tingling, burning sensation run throughout my entire body. It doesn't hurt, not at all and as soon as the sensation is there, it's gone. I open my eyes and move to sit up, a bit fucking amazed to feel completely back to normal.

"Damn," I mutter as I slide off the table. "Wicked mojo ya got going on there, ladies. Could've used ya a few times after being banged up to shit on patrol."

"Faith?" Giles says, caution in his voice. "Are you all right?"

"Five by five now, G. Does anyone wanna explain how I've been gone for two and a half fucking months here?"

"Do you not remember?"

"Of course I remember! I was gone for like an hour at most!"

"Time is different in all dimensions," Selwyn cuts in. "In some, time move quickly, hundreds of years can pass when only days pass here. And in others, time moves so slowly it's as if it's not moving at all. Faith, here it's been two and a half months. Sending you there was not complicated, however trying to retrieve you, we couldn't find you or reach you and our power became limited."

"So, two and a half months? Fuck," I groan as I sit down at the table and lay my head down. "Fucking unbelievable. But hey," I say as I lift my head to look at the others, "at least I killed her. Did what I went there for."

"What was it like?" Anya asks, pushing Xander away as she walks over towards me. "Where you were, what was it like?"

"Hell."

Anya laughs and sits down next to me. "What kind of hell? You do realize there are thousands of different hell dimensions and they're all very different."

"It was hell, Anya. Not much to say about it."

"Anya," Xander says sternly as he grabs her arm and pulls her up from the chair. "How about we not ask Faith a million questions right now? It's probably not a good idea seeing how she's been back for not even ten minutes."

"I'm just curious!"

"I know," he says as he leads her away. "Sorry," he mouths as he looks back at me and I just shrug it off. I know how Anya gets. I expect it.

I look over at Buffy and she's backed away. She has her arms folded over her chest and she does not look too happy right now. Guess I was probably right about her wanting to kill me for going there. Buffy isn't the only one who doesn't look happy. Tara looks downright pissed off as Willow tries to convince her everything is okay now. Gonna go out on a limb here and say things between the two of them aren't that great these days. Wonder why that is?

I missed too damn much and I can feel the tension in the air all around us. I'm starting to get angry and I get up and head for the door. Nobody follows me as I step outside into the bright afternoon sun. It's a bit chilly out and I shiver as I pull out a smoke and light it.

Two and a half fucking months! How can that even be possible? I heard what Selwyn said about different dimensions and how time is different, but being there for not even an hour and coming home to find out I've missed two and a half months? I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or punch something. Maybe all three.

I pull off the cast on my hand. That healing spell they did healed every part of me, not just the wounds on my back. I shake my head, walk over to the curb, and sit down. This is so un-fucking-believable right now. I can't even begin to wrap my head around what has just happened.

"Hey," Buffy says as she sits down next to me. "You okay, Faith?"

"No, B, I am not fucking okay!" I snap at her and she moves away a little, looking a bit scared at my reaction. "When is this shit gonna stop happening to me?"

"I don't know," she frowns and I shake my head as I take a long drag. "I was so pissed off at you for doing this at first, Faith. I still am pissed off at you, but Angel had told me over and over again that it was the only way to get rid of her for good. I really thought we lost you, Faith."

_Again_, I think, but don't say it.

"What day is it, B?" I ask her.

"My birthday."

I laugh a little at that. "Happy birthday, B."

"Best one ever," she says as she forces a smile. "We've been so focused on trying to pull you out that even I almost forgot it's my birthday today."

"No party? No presents?"

"No, but it doesn't even matter. There are things that matter more than celebrating a birthday."

"Like what?"

"Having you back home," she says softly and I move closer to her and wrap an arm around her shoulders. She instantly leans in to me and I flick my cigarette away, wrapping my other arm around her. It's nice just to be able to hold her, but it doesn't last long before she pushes me away from her. "Stop getting yourself into these situations where you're gone for weeks! Or in this case, months!"

"I'll try, B. I like your hair," I say, finally noticing she's cut her long hair and it's short now, just above her shoulders. How the hell didn't I notice that before now? "It's cute."

She groans and tries to hide the smile, but it's too late. I've seen it. I wink at her as I put my arm around her shoulders again. I don't know what's going on with us or if she even wants to start over still. For me, it's only been a couple of days and it still feels like we're we were before I went down to LA for the weekend. For all I know she could've moved on, found herself someone new in the last two and a half months.

Or maybe not since she's kissing me now.

What surprises me the most is the fact she doesn't stop, not even when random strangers walk by us, commenting on the fact that what we're doing is downright disgusting and wrong. I smile against her lips before I pull back. She's smiling right back at me and I don't know what it is, but it just makes me feel so damn good inside. Whatever answers I was looking for when it comes to us, she pretty much just answered all of them with one, single kiss.

"I bet you're tired," she whispers and I shake my head no. "You've been gone a long time, Faith. I'm sure it was impossible to sleep in a hell dimension."

"B," I say patiently. "I told you, felt like I was gone for an hour at most, not months."

Buffy shakes her head and stands up. Now I ain't so sure she believes me. Who can blame her if I have been gone there for two months and come back saying it felt like an hour? I get up and follow her as she heads back inside the Magic Box. The others look a bit surprised to see us both back in there, but nobody says a word. I notice right away that Selwyn is no longer there and Giles is standing by the register helping Anya go over the books.

I start thinking about everything again, about what had just happened and what they're telling me. Two and a half months of my life, gone in the span of what felt like an hour. It's almost too much to deal with right now. I'm strong though; stronger than I realize half the time and being a slayer, you just learn to roll with the punches life throws your way as they come along.

And I'm getting fucking _tired_ of rolling with all the punches life is throwing at me lately.

I head back into the training room and shut the door behind me. The couch looks heavenly right about now and even though it felt like I wasn't gone for long, it feels like I haven't slept in days. I lay down on the couch and put my arm over my eyes. My head is spinning with a million fucking questions and all I want right now is for it to stop. I want everything to stop. I just want things to be different. Is that too much to ask?

Apparently when it comes to me, yeah.

* * *

><p>Call me crazy, but after all the shit I've just been through, I'm not in the mood to celebrate anything. Willow had a "genius" idea to celebrate Buffy's birthday and my return back home all in one. It took a lot of convincing on her part for me to show up at the Bronze. I only gave in 'cause Willow healed me after being pulled out of that hell dimension. Figured it was the least I could do instead of trying to talk my way outta it.<p>

And of course Buffy is a good part of the reason I even bothered to show up. But she's not looking happy and she's sitting alone at a table while her friends are all off on the dance floor having a great time. I put down my empty beer glass and walk over to her table and take a seat across from her.

"Having fun, B?"

"Oh yeah. Loads of fun."

I smirk at the way she said it full of sarcasm. I look over at the others and look back at her. "Why ain't you out there dancing with them?"

"Don't feel like it."

"Ya wanna get outta here?" I ask her and she nods her head and then shakes it no. "Why not? It's your birthday, B. You can do whatever you want."

"I want to leave, but I promised Will that I'd stay."

I look up at the balcony and it's pretty much deserted. I smile over at her as I stand up from the stool. "Come on," I whisper as I take her hand. She doesn't budge. "Trust me, B. Just come with me for a minute, yeah?"

Nobody even notices us as I lead the way up to the balcony, holding her hand a little tight since I'm afraid she's gonna bolt outta here. She walks to the railing and leans over, looking down at our friends in the crowd below. I take a moment just to look at her and recognize the skirt she's wearing. The same one from the first night we were together. And just like that, the memories of that night come crashing back to me in an instant.

I lick over my lips, unable to resist. I run my hands over her hips as I step up behind her. I slide my hand in the slit of her skirt and run my fingers over her smooth thigh. I inhale sharply when I discover she's gone commando tonight. I expect her to stop me as I cup her pussy, but she doesn't move. I pull her closer to me with my other hand and circle over her clit with my thumb. I feel her reacting instantly and she's wet and ready for me to take her right here, right now.

But before I can slide my fingers inside of her, a few frat boys come stumbling up the stairs and sit on the couches not too far from us. Buffy grips at my arm, trying to pull my hand out from inside of her skirt. I give in and sigh heavily as she turns around to face me.

"Faith, I-"

"What, B?" I ask gently and she shakes her head. "Come on, talk to me. We're getting better at this whole talking thing, yeah?"

"Yeah," she smiles a little. "Slowly but surely we're getting better at it."

"So?"

"I don't want to talk here. Let's just go back down there and have fun."

"B?" I grab her arm to keep her from walking away from me.

"What is it, Faith?"

"Forget it," I mutter and let go of her. I let her walk away from me and I just stay up there on the balcony.

Things are still as complicated as hell and I know I can't expect it just to change over the course of a day. For me it's been a few days since I saw Buffy last, but for her and everyone else it's been two and a half months. I can't even begin to understand where they're coming from or what they're even thinking or even the things that they're going through right now.

I watch them from the balcony as the others join Buffy at their table. She has the fakest smile plastered on her face right now. I find it fucking hilarious nobody else can see right through her and they've known her a helluva lot longer than I have.

"Slayer," Spike says as he joins me at the balcony railing. "Heard you got back today."

"Yeah."

"Been gone a while," he says, stating the obvious. "Buffy sure missed you."

"State the obvious much, Spike?"

"How long was it there for you?"

"An hour tops," I reply as I look over at him and shrug. "Pretty messed up, huh?"

Spike nods his head and takes a swig of his beer. He smirks at me and glances down at Buffy and the Scoobs. "They don't know about you two, do they?"

"No."

"She's in love with you. You do know that, don't you?"

I look at him and wonder how much he knows about Buffy and me and how long he's known there's been something going on between us. Then again, it's Spike and he always tends to know things he has no business knowing in the first place. Shouldn't and doesn't surprise me at all.

"One thing you don't gotta worry about is the First," Spike says after a few minutes of silence. "Went back in hiding after you killed that bitch Olivia. Heard some rumblings around town that the First will be returning, but with an army of sorts."

"An army?"

"Just what I heard. Don't stake the messenger."

I laugh and shake my head. "The others know about all this?" I ask and he nods. "Then why haven't they told me?"

"A lot has happened in the last couple of months, Slayer."

"Yeah, that much is obvious."

"You want me to fill you in?" Spike asks and I think about it for a minute before I say yes. Sure Spike is the last person I want to be around right now, but he's always given it to me as it is, no lies or sugar-coating just to spare my feelings and what not.

Spike leads the way over to the couches and I take a seat as far away as humanely possible considering Spike is sitting on the other end. As much as I'm itching to slay him, I want to be filled in on what the hell has been happening around here while I've been gone.

"The night the coven send you and that bitch to that hell dimension, things started happening around here. Word got out pretty quick you killed her. Vamps and demons started flocking to town in droves. Buffy had her hands full for a couple of weeks. I helped, of course," he says and he laughs a little. "Not long after you were gone, was out with Buffy on patrol one night, out looking for the First. Stupid bloody idea."

"Why?"

"Long gone," he replies with a shrug. "No sign of it anywhere. Coven came around at that point, trying to dig it up, make it show itself. It was weak when it appeared and we quickly figured out it had something to do with you killing that bitch Olivia one way or another. Hadn't heard or seen it since. Figured it went into hiding and rumour around town is just that. No big bad to worry your pretty little head about now."

"For the time being," I mutter. "So, we don't gotta worry about the First Evil randomly popping up?"

"For now. Big bad like that has a plan and it's gonna stick with it until it sees it through. Best enjoy the downtime while you can, Slayer. And stop bloody going missing!"

"Like I plan on these things to happen," I laugh and Spike laughs along with me.

"Buffy ain't quite been herself since you've been gone," Spike says in all seriousness. "Noticed it right off the bat there was something wrong. Figured it had something to do with you. Doesn't take a soul to see how she feels about you. Never seen her so sad."

"Been stalking her, Spike?"

"No," he snaps. "Been patrolling with her 'cause she asked me to. Something about not wanting to be out there alone. She started talking about you one night. Cried a bit. Offered up a shoulder for her and she told me she loves you. Not so much with the actual words, but I knew."

I sigh heavily and shake my head. I can't even believe we're having this conversation. A year ago, if someone told me Spike would be the one telling me Buffy is in love with me, I would've laughed my way to the nuthouse.

Spike fills me in on other little things that have happened since I've been gone, but I'm not listening to him. Not entirely. I'm staring at Buffy as she comes back up on the balcony and keeps her distance, watching us-mainly me. I get up and walk right up to her and I smile as I cup her face gently with my hands.

I know things aren't perfect between us and I know they'll never be what I thought they could when Olivia and Roman drugged me and made me believe I had this "perfect" life. I know things will never be easy with Buffy and me-at least not with some major effort on both our parts. I know I'm crazy thinking we could have some normal relationship, but I know it's what she wants. Just afraid if we start over yet again, something else is gonna happen to stop us from making any sort of fucking progress here.

I get the feeling I'm better than this, but I can't seem to let her go or let go of the fact that I want this with Buffy and nobody else.

She takes me by surprise and kisses me softly despite the fact that Spike is still sitting a few feet away and watching us. I put everything I have into this kiss, trying to tell her things I can't quite say with words, trying to convey all that I feel for her in one single kiss.

And just like that, I feel at ease, almost forgetting all the damn shit I've been through even though I know the feeling isn't gonna last for long.


	30. Chapter 30

****Author's Notes:** Thanks to the few that always review for their continued support on this story, as for the other readers, I'd love to see what you think and if you're even still remotely interested in reading this story anymore. I may write for me, but I update for YOU guys...**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Thirty<strong>

It's been a few weeks since I've been back and life couldn't be any fucking better than it is right now. Things between me and Buffy are still a bit shaky, but it ain't as hard as it was before. We haven't told the Scoobs we're together and it was me who told Buffy we oughta be sure about us before telling our friends.

It's been a learning experience for sure, this whole dating thing I always thought I wasn't cut out for. But I'm blinded by love and how happy I feel whenever I'm with her, that even when I start getting those doubts, I just easily push them out of my mind now like they were never there in the first place. And I was right before about things never being perfect between us. We've had a few arguments, but nothing that resulted in one of us trying to kick the other's ass to hell and back.

Giles has been researching all that he can on the First Evil, always trying to find something there that'll tell us more than we already know which isn't very much at all. I can tell the downtime we're having here and the whole total lack of an approaching apocalypse is driving him crazy with boredom. Me? I'm just enjoying the fact that the last few weeks have been completely uneventful, slayer wise.

Buffy has been doing the best friend thing with Willow all day, trying to comfort her after Tara left her a few days back. Apparently after the magic Willow was dabbing in with the coven, it made her addicted to using magic every day for every little thing. In a way, I don't blame Tara for leaving her. All they ever did was fight and it ain't healthy. Never thought I'd see the day they weren't together and I know they'll get back together. They just need some time apart.

So while Buffy has been upstairs with Willow all afternoon, I've been watching shitty old movies with Dawn and pigging out on junk food and pizza with her. It's kind of nice just to chill with Dawn like this. She's definitely like the little sister I never had and I know she likes hanging out with me since Buffy never bothers to make an effort anymore. Not like that's anything new. Dawn told me before it was like that even in those months I was gone.

I look over at the stairs as Buffy comes down and she doesn't look too happy. I smile at her and at least it earns me a smile back. She heads straight for the kitchen and I grab the empty bowl of popcorn, motioning to Dawn I'll be back with more.

"Hey," I say to Buffy with a smile as I join her in the kitchen. "How's she doing?"

"Not too good. Still crying."

"Blows," I sigh and I put the empty bowl down on the counter and wrap my arms around Buffy as she fills up the kettle in the sink. "You wanna go out tonight?"

"On patrol?"

"I was thinking of a movie and maybe dinner after?"

"A date?"

"Sure," I smile as she turns to look at me. "I could borrow Giles' car and we could head out to the beach after we grab a bite to eat."

Buffy puts the kettle down and wraps her arms around me. She kisses me so softly, so sweetly that my lips and body are humming with pleasure. Every time she kisses me like this, it feels like the first time all over again, but a thousand times better. She knows exactly how these kisses make me feel and this is the first time she's ever dared kiss me like this in her kitchen with Dawn just in the other room.

I run my hands down her back and give her ass a squeeze before I back her up against the counter. I want her right here, right now, but I know I gotta control my urges until we're completely alone. It's been a few days since we've been together and I'm feeling all sorts of needy right now. Buffy bites my lip, tugging a bit before pulling away from me.

I run my fingers under the hem of her t-shirt. Her skin is soft and warm. She can't resist me when I touch her like this, but I can see her fighting off her own set of urges. She bites her lower lip and I lean in for another kiss. Buffy moans as I slip my tongue past her parted lips and deepen the kiss. She pushes me away after a minute and grabs the kettle and puts it on the stove.

"I promised Will I'd bring her some tea," she says as she grabs the mugs out of the cupboard.

I walk up behind her and wrap my around her and kiss the side of her neck ever so softly. She moans as she leans back in to me and I learned quickly in the past few weeks that her neck is kind of like her sweet spot. She loves to be kissed there.

"Faith, please stop," she sighs.

"Just wanted to kiss you," I mutter as I back off. I grab a bag of popcorn and put it in the microwave.

Sometimes I can't believe how much I've lost my edge, especially around Buffy. I know I'm not as hard as I used to be, prison changed that part of me, but with Buffy I'm a total fucking sap. Pussy whipped. Not complaining in the least though. I sure as hell wouldn't be pussy whipped for anyone else other than Buffy, that's for sure.

Soon as the popcorn is done, I pull the bag out, open it and dump it in the bowl. Buffy's watching me the whole time and I smirk as I walk over to her and give her a quick little kiss before I head back to the living room.

"Took you long enough," Dawn groans as I sit down on the couch next to her. "Honestly, how long does it take to make popcorn?"

"Was asking Buffy how Willow is doing. She came down to make her some tea."

"And by asking her you mean you were making out with her and getting the answers telepathically or what?" Dawn asks as she glares at me. My eyes go wide at that and there's no sense in trying to hide my obvious reaction. She knows. She ain't a stupid kid.

"Uh-"

"Look," Dawn cuts me off. "I'm not stupid and I do have eyes. I see the way you two look at each other whenever you're in the same room. And I have ears too and in case you've forgotten, Buffy's room is right next to mine!"

"Don't know what to say, Kiddo."

Dawn punches me in the shoulder. Hard. It stings and I rub the spot a little, groaning as Dawn just starts to laugh before she moves to punch me again, this time right in the thigh.

"What the fu-hell?" I nearly yell. Kid packs a punch. Already knew that and should expect that, but _damn_. "What you beating on me for?"

"The first one is for making out with my sister. The second one is for keeping it a secret!"

I rub at my shoulder and then my thigh. It still stings and I flinch a little when I see her tighten her fist up again. I don't know if she's pissed off or what. I grab my cigarettes off the coffee table and head out the front door. Gotta say I'm a bit relieved Dawn didn't say anything more or follow me out there. Figure she needs a bit of time to process or just chill out or whatever.

"Got a light? Seemed to have misplaced mine," Spike says as he steps out from behind the tree. I roll my eyes, light my cigarette and toss him my lighter.

"Bit early for you to be out and stalking B, isn't it?" I ask him. The sun has just started to set, but there's enough of a shadow in the front yard that he's not bursting into flames.

"Just felt like an early evening stroll." Spike tosses my lighter back and I sit down on the front steps. "And you bloody well know I'm not stalking her. Just fancy a patrol with you two tonight."

"Skipping patrol tonight," I reply with a smirk. "Taking B out on a date."

"A proper date or another one of your romps to the motel room?"

I'm on my feet and in his face in a matter of seconds. He's laughing and I swiftly punch him in the side of the head. He punches me back, wailing in pain as soon as his fist hits my face. He grabs his head and falls to his knees.

"That's what you get, Spike," I laugh as I take a step back and run my hand over my cheek. Barely even swollen even if he does pack a hard punch.

"You bitch," he groans as he gets to his feet. "Can see why Buffy likes you so much. You're just like her."

"How? 'Cause I treat you like the dirt you are?"

"Very funny, Slayer. You're forgetting that I was the one watching your girl's back while you were off in that hell dimension slaying that bitch Olivia."

"What, am I supposed to thank you for that now? Gee, Spike, thanks for watching my girl's back when she can clearly take care of herself with or without you around."

Spike growls and takes a few steps back from me, but doesn't leave. Idiot. He keeps pushing all my buttons and all I want is for him to make one wrong move and he's dust. I've been waiting for that moment since I got back here last summer.

"What's going on?" Dawn asks as she opens the front door. "Hi, Spike."

I roll my eyes and turn around to look at her. "Nothing is going on, Kiddo. Go back inside."

"Spike, come play rummy with me?"

"Be there in a few moments, Little Bit," he smiles and she goes back inside, slamming the door shut behind her. "She ain't the only one that wants me around, Slayer. Big sis does too. Proved that much while you were gone."

I don't want to know how or why he's going on about Buffy like this. I know this is a normal thing for him. He's in love with her-even though a vampire without a soul cannot truly love someone except for themselves. Can't blame him though, she is something else, but she's mine and it's a damn shame I can't shout it to the world 'cause she's not ready for that yet. Spike does know about us and hasn't said anything-yet. Can't count on him keeping his mouth shut for very long. Same goes for Dawn.

Spike heads inside before I do and I stay out there for a little while longer just to calm the hell down. It's dark by the time I go back inside and I glance at the clock. After seven. With a heavy sigh, I ignore Dawn and Spike in the living room and head upstairs. Willow's bedroom door is open and she and Buffy are sitting on her bed, talking quietly.

"Hey," I say with a smile as I stand in the doorway and lean against the frame. "Red, how ya feeling?"

"Like crap," she frowns. "But not so bad. I'll be okay," she says quickly and forces a small smile.

"Give it a bit of time. Broken hearts don't heal overnight, but ya gotta get all the tears and shit out before you can start to heal."

"Thanks, Faith," Willow says softly.

"B, you ready to motor?"

"You're leaving?" Willow asks her and I can see the tears building up in her eyes.

"Uh yeah. Sorry, Will, but Faith and I-we're-we have a date."

"A date? Like a double date?"

"No," Buffy says calmly. "A date. With each other."

Did she just do what I fucking think she did?

"A date with each other? As in a girl's night out kind of thing?"

I laugh. Willow can be so dense sometimes.

"No, Will," Buffy says and she reaches out for her hands and gives them a gentle squeeze. "An actual date."

"You and Faith?" Willow asks and I can tell she's not quite getting where Buffy is going with this. I want to say something, but I just keep my mouth shut and stay where I am. "Like a romantic date?"

"Yes, Will. Like a romantic date."

"Oh," she says and suddenly her eyes open wide as she looks back and forth between us. "Oh! Are you serious, Buffy?"

"Dead serious."

"You and-and Faith? How long have you two been together like _that_? And when were you going to tell me? Never right? Afraid I'd freak out on you and disown you as my best friend."

"Will, I'm telling you now because I'm kind of in love with Faith. A lot, actually."

Willow just stares right at me and I can't read the expression on her face. I can't tell if she's happy or pissed the hell off right now. I get ready to bolt outta there before she can use her witchy mojo on me. Buffy gets up from the bed and just stands there looking like she's not sure what to do or say next.

"Love? You're in love with _Faith_?"

"I am, Will. A lot, like I said. I've been thinking today that maybe we shouldn't be hiding what's going on between us anymore. She makes me happy, Will. I haven't been this happy, not even before I died. I wanted to tell you before, I just wasn't sure how."

There's dead silence in the room now and Buffy just continues to stand there, staring down at Willow as she looks up at her, mouth slightly dropped open in shock and disbelief.

"Who else knows?" Willow asks after a few long minutes.

"Giles and Tara."

"Spike and Dawn," I mutter and Buffy turns around and she's gone white as a ghost. "What?"

"Spike and Dawn know?" Buffy asks, her voice squeaking a little bit. "How the hell do they know? You didn't tell them, did you?"

"Uh, B? You're forgetting your birthday. You kissed me in front of Spike."

"Oh. Right," she sighs then she looks like she's about to completely freak out. "And how does Dawn know? Did you tell her? Did Spike tell her? I swear to god if Spike told her I'm going to personally put a stake in his heart!"

I can see that Willow is amused at this whole thing now and with the way Buffy is completely freaking out.

"Faith, how the hell does Dawn know?"

"She saw us kissing in the kitchen," I reply and I see Willow sit up a little more with her eyes wide open. "Confronted me about it when I went back to watch that shitty movie with her. Punched me in the shoulder for making out with you and then in the leg for keeping it a secret. Also said she's not stupid and that she knows and said something about having eyes. Also said something that we're forgetting her room is right next to yours and she does have ears."

"Oh god," Buffy groans and she sits down on the bed and just stares blankly at the floor. "But she's okay with it?"

"Think so," I reply with a slight nod. "Didn't threaten to kill me or any of that. Do know she was pretty pissed, just not sure about what part."

"Probably for keeping it a secret," Willow says and I nod my head a little, agreeing with her on that one. "Buffy, it's okay. It's a bit of a shock, but you know I have to admit I was wondering before if there was something going on between you two. It's kind of hard not to see the way you two look at each other sometimes."

"How do we look at each other?" Buffy asks and I just smile a little as she looks over at me.

"Like that! With the little smiles and the moon eyes," Willow replies, laughing as Buffy shakes her head, trying to take her eyes off me. "Buffy, you should've just told us."

"We wanted to be sure," she says softly and she turns to look at Willow. "We didn't want to say anything if it didn't work out and with our recent track record with Faith getting taken and going missing for two and a half months, we just wanted to be sure. And I didn't want to say anything with what you're going through right now, but I thought it's time you knew."

"Hey, look it make me stop crying for a little while," Willow says and she forces out a little smile. "And I'm happy for you if you're happy, Buffy."

Buffy hugs her tight for a moment before getting up from the bed. "You'll be okay, Will?"

"I'll be okay," she says forcing yet another smile. "I'll probably just try to get some sleep."

"We'll have breakfast in the morning," Buffy says with a smile. "Just the two of us."

Buffy walks past me and I follow her to her room. She shuts the door behind me and she groans a little as she wraps her arms around me. I can feel she's a little tense as I hug her back and I gently rub her back, feeling her relax almost instantly.

"I can't believe I just did that."

"I can't believe it either," I laugh. "But look on the bright side here, B, she's okay with it and she didn't try to turn me into a frog or anything like that. Bonus."

Buffy laughs and leans in for a soft kiss. She pulls back before I can get into the kiss and she heads for her closet, pulling out a change of clothes. I sit on her bed and lean back on my elbows, just watching her as she strips out of her clothes. It's taking every bit of willpower I got not to get up and just ravish her right where she stands. I'm starting to rethink this whole date thing tonight. It's gonna be a form of torture for me when all I want to do is fuck her until she can't take it anymore.

"Are we still going to see a movie?" Buffy asks as she turns around to face me. She's still in her panties and bra, the pink lace ones that look sexy as hell on her.

"Uh, if you want to?"

"I was thinking maybe we could just skip the movie and go to dinner instead?"

"Sounds good to me," I say, all distracted by the way she's running her fingers over the edge of her panties. "We'll have to stop on the way and borrow Giles' car. Was thinking we could head to the beach, have a little walk. Thought it'd be all romantic and shit since tonight is a full moon."

"I have a better plan," Buffy says, a coy little smile now dancing over her lips as she walks over to me and straddles my legs. "How about you go borrow Giles car and I'll put together a little picnic for us and we'll just go straight to the beach?"

I run my hands over her thighs and smile at her as she pushes me back on the bed. At this rate, I don't think we're going anywhere tonight but right here. Just as she's about to kiss me, she climbs off me and grabs her jeans and slides them on. I lean up on my elbows and raise an eyebrow at her. She's such a fucking tease sometimes.

* * *

><p>It's not too bad out tonight considering its winter in California. Just a slight cool breeze coming off the ocean. Buffy has a blanket spread out on the sand just by the rocks on the beach, having chosen this spot for a bit of seclusion in case anyone else decides to come out here tonight. The picnic she packed for us is pretty basic with some leftover pizza, Chinese food and a couple of sandwiches and a few beers too, which surprised me a little bit when she pulled them out.<p>

After we eat, I just lay back on the blanket and stare up at the night sky, listening to the waves crashing nearby. Buffy is on her side staring at me and I smile as she reaches for one of my hands and intertwines our fingers. She snuggles in close to me and turns to look up at the sky with me. This is kind of nice actually. Relaxing.

We've gone out a few times in the last couple of weeks, but it always ended with us either back in her bedroom late at night, or at the motel fucking until the sun rose. Could hardly classify those as dates, unless I'm going about this all wrong here.

I turn to her and she's already leaning in to kiss me. I pull her so she's on top of me and I deepen the kiss. I slide my hands under her jacket and her shirt to feel her warm skin against my fingertips. Just like every time I kiss her, it excites me to no end. I can feel her body responding to me, to my touch as I dip my fingers just under the waistband of her tight jeans.

"Faith?" Buffy whispers as she parts from my lips just enough to speak.

"Yeah, B?"

"Everything is going to be different now, isn't it?"

"You mean 'cause they all know we're together now?" I ask and she nods a little, planting a sweet little kiss on my lips before pulling back to look into my eyes. "It'll be a good kind of different."

"They don't all know. Xander and Anya don't know."

I laugh. "Gonna bet anything they'll find out by the morning one way or another here."

"Oh god," Buffy groans and she buries her face into my neck.

"You ain't having doubts here, are you?" I ask her, hoping to hell she's not. I feel her shake her head no a little bit. "What's wrong?"

"I still can't believe I just told her like that."

I laugh and rub her back. I slide my hands further up her shirt and unclasp her bra. She gasps a little in surprise and lifts her head to look at me. I just wiggle my eyebrows as I move my hands around to her front and feel her nipples harden under my fingers. She lifts herself up a little, giving me a little more room to work with.

I know she's starting to freak out over telling Willow about us, but I wanna take her mind off all that in any way that I can. I'm considerate that way. That and I've never had sex on a beach before.

I feel Buffy shiver as I try to lift her shirt and jacket up a little and I groan as I take my hands out from under her clothes and pull them back down. She frowns before laying her head down on my chest. So, guessing we're not gonna get all sorts of naked here given it is a bit too chilly for that. Now I'm feeling all sorts of worked up and frustrated as hell. Looks like Spike might end up being right about us going to the motel room yet again.

We lay here for a little while longer before I feel Buffy starting to get a little bit restless. She keeps looking at me too, always looking like she wants to say something, but never does. In my mind, tonight was supposed to have gone so much differently than it has. Buffy is the one who gets up and starts packing up. I light a smoke before I carry the blanket back to the car and toss it in the backseat. Buffy gets in the passenger seat and just sits there watching me as I finish off my cigarette.

"I'm sorry," she says I get in the car and shut the door behind me.

"What for, B?"

"Tonight," she whispers.

I lean over and give her a quick little kiss and smile at her. "Don't be sorry, B. It was a great little date, yeah? Any time that I get to spend alone with you is all I ever want."

"You're so sweet," she smiles and reaches for my hand. "When did you get to be so sweet?"

"Dunno," I shrug, unable to wipe the smile off my face. "Probably right around the time I realized that you're totally in love with me too."

Buffy grabs my head and pulls me in for a deep kiss. There's not much room to move in the car, but I move until I'm a little closer to her. It feels like forever and a day before we part from our kiss and I know I'm smiling just a big as she is right now. I lean over and give her one last quick little kiss before I slip the key into the ignition and head to her place.

Buffy is being touchy tonight, that's for sure. Her hand is on my thigh and rubbing it gently, each time she keeps going higher, teasing me. It's not too late by the time we make it back to her place and I help her take the picnic basket and blanket inside. Dawn and Spike are still in the living room and I'm about to say something to Buffy when she grabs me and pulls me flush against her, her lips instantly finding mine in a heated, passionate kiss.

"Again? I thought you two were going out on a date?" Dawn groans and I pull back from Buffy quickly. Dawn is trying to walk through the kitchen with her hands over her eyes. "Is it safe yet?"

"Dawn," Buffy says firmly. "It's late and you have school in the morning. Go to bed."

"I know! I'm just getting a sandwich and then I'm going to bed, I promise! Spike just left. Is it safe yet?"

I gotta laugh at the way she's reacting right now. It's pretty fucking funny, but Buffy isn't as amused as I am right now. She looks cold and pissed. She pulls Dawn's hands away from her eyes and I tense up. I don't know what it is, but she looks like she's about to slap Dawn. Dawn looks pretty freaked out too and I can't blame her when Buffy is looking the way she is.

"God, what's your problem, Buffy?" Dawn asks and she shoves her back. "I told you, I'm just getting a sandwich and then I'm going to bed!"

"B," I say softly and Buffy turns her attention to me. Her anger slowly subsides as she just stares at me. "Don't let her bug ya. She's just being a kid. Look on the bright side," I say with a small smile as I look over Buffy's shoulder at Dawn. "At least she's not trying to kick my ass for macking on her big sis."

Buffy laughs and she whips her head around to look at Dawn. "Go to bed, Dawn," she says with a lot less anger in her voice. "Skip the sandwich. Your thighs will thank you later in life."

I see Dawn roll her eyes and grab an apple instead. She smiles at me as she walks past and I just smile right back at her. As soon as she's out of the kitchen and halfway up the stairs, Buffy has me pinned against the kitchen island and her lips are on mine. It gets heated fast and before I know it, Buffy's hands are starting to roam under my clothes. She's definitely feeling horny tonight and I can't blame her. I know I am too. Fuck, I need it so much, but I'm not gonna just take what I want.

Stupidly I've been letting Buffy take the lead as things get a little more serious between us. But I'm hoping that tonight things will change, even if it's awkward as hell knowing Dawn and Willow will likely hear us and not just think they're imaging things-or whatever they've been telling themselves all those nights me and Buffy were in her room, fucking until the sun rose.


	31. Chapter 31

****Author's Notes:** Life gets crazy busy sometimes...but also other times there's a little thing called "trying to catch up on season 7 of Supernatural before season 8 starts" so...yep...no regrets lol. Enjoy and please leave a review. Always love to hear what the readers think and see if they can figure out what's going to happen next :)**

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><p><strong>Chapter Thirty-One<strong>

I'm sitting in one of the chairs out in the backyard sipping a cup of black coffee and listening to Willow and Buffy talking inside the house. I stretch out and feel every muscle in my body strain in response. There's nothing better than being so deliciously sore after a night of amazing sex with that little spitfire of a girlfriend of mine.

Girlfriend. Still is gonna take some getting used to here, calling Buffy that. Everything that's been happening has been such a fucking whirlwind I can barely keep up.

Willow is trying to get whatever details she can outta Buffy about how this whole thing started up between us. Kinda relieved Buffy is keeping most of it to herself. If this was more than a year ago, I'd be boasting over taking Buffy the way I did that first night-even if she was the one who initiated the whole thing. But I'm not who I was, far from it and I wouldn't change any of it for the world. I laugh as I hear Willow call Buffy's bluff more than once and a few minutes later, Buffy comes out the back door with a cup of coffee in her hand and she looks thoroughly frustrated.

"Hey," I smile as she sits down in the chair next to me. "That whole thing sounded like fun."

"Oh so much fun," Buffy groans and rolls her eyes. "How much did you hear?"

"Everything. Couldn't help it. You guys were talking a bit loud and all."

Buffy laughs and shakes her head. I reach out for her free hand and intertwine our fingers together. She smiles sweetly at me before taking a sip of her steaming hot coffee. Her smile soon fades and she takes her hand away from mine.

"What's up, B?"

"I need to get a job," she frowns. "Money has so run out months ago. Willow just told me this morning. I can't believe she kept that from me!"

"Didn't help there was all that bullshit with me going missing in a hell dimension for two and a half months," I mutter and I straighten up in the chair. "Look, I'll help out with whatever I can here, B. Tell me what the damage is."

"Too much. Practically on the verge of losing the house."

"Fuck," I groan and I reach in my pocket for my cigarettes. "So, I'll get a job, you'll get a job and I'll help ya out. And before you say it, I ain't gonna take no for an answer here."

"At least you had a job before," she says softly.

"Yeah and look how that turned out. Lasted what, two days before that bitch royally fucked with my head and let her boyfriend drink from me."

"It's all over now, Faith."

"I know. Still doesn't mean I can't be pissed about it."

Buffy takes my hand again and I can't help but smile. I've turned into a total fucking lovesick sap here and I'm loving every last second of it.

But what Buffy said about money being an issue is starting to grate in my head like no tomorrow. I don't wanna see her lose the house-her mother's house. I know there's gotta be a way to save her from the trouble of having to go through all that and it's gonna take more than a job and me helping her out. But the last thing I want to do is tell her just how long this money problem has been going on. I knew about it since before they brought her back from the dead. I don't wanna lay all that on her now. Or ever if I can help it.

Buffy leaves me alone in the yard as soon as she finishes her coffee, letting me know she's going out job hunting as soon as she's had a shower. It leaves me alone with my thoughts and that's the last thing I want and need right now. I take my empty coffee mug into the kitchen and I grab the keys to Giles' car off the counter. I say goodbye to Willow as I pass her in the hallway and I head out to the car.

I spend hours driving around Sunnydale and find myself at the Bronze. Although it's closed, I know Gary is in there going over the books. It's Friday and from the few things that Olivia actually told me that related to the brief job I had there, he always goes over the books on Fridays. I park down the street and head around to the back door, the employee's entrance. It's unlocked, not unusual and I head right to Gary's office.

"Yo," I say with a smile as I knock on the door and open it.

"Faith?" Gary looks a bit frazzled as he looks up from the stack of papers on his small desk. "What can I do for you?"

"Looking for a job. Again," I say and he scratches his now bald head. "Got any openings?"

"You gonna go missing like you did before?"

"Don't plan to."

Gary groans and he waves a hand at me to sit down in the hard plastic chair sitting in front of his desk. "Look, things are a bit tight around here, but I could always use a few extra hands. You know how fast I go through people here. Just want someone who'll stick around and show up for their shifts."

"Tell me when to be here and I'll be here."

"And whatever happened to Olivia? Nobody seems to know where she went. She went missing about the same time you did."

"She's dead."

"Damn," Gary mutters and he pulls out a key from the desk drawer and hands it to me. "You'll be opening at eleven each morning. Shifts will run odd hours, but never 'til close. I got people who work the late shift and don't need any more unless it's a busy night. Odd jobs need to be done around here and I know you're good at keeping the peace when things get out of hand around here. Pay will be better than before, but your hours aren't guaranteed. Still interested?"

I nod my head and smile as I slip the key into the front pocket of my jeans. "Appreciate it, Gary. More than you'll ever know."

"I'm only making an exception for you," he says as he looks back down at the papers on his desk. "I know what you are, Faith. Could use a slayer around here especially since I know what crawls around this town at night."

"How ya find out about that?"

"Can't own a business in this town without knowing a few things. Now go on. You start tomorrow. Eleven. Don't be late."

"Appreciate it."

"Now get out of here. I got things to do, bills to pay. I'll see you tomorrow."

I leave his office and head out the back door. Too easy. Betting if I went anywhere else, nobody would hire someone like me, but Gary? He'd already given me one chance and I blew it-technically-but it ain't gonna happen again if I can help it. Just can't help but wonder how he knows about me and what I am. It's not as if I go around flaunting the fact that I'm a slayer and have superhuman strength here. Am I the only one seeing a red flag here?

I head over to Giles' to give his car back. He's not even at the apartment when I get there so I drive around to the Magic Box and find him sitting at the table with a dozen books in front of him and he looks like he hasn't slept all night. Not gonna put that past him. He's been desperate trying to dig up anything he can on the First here. Always coming up on empty and it looks like he ain't found out anything more than he already knows.

He barely pays me any notice as I drop the keys down on the book he's currently flipping through. I head to the training room and turn on the radio, blasting it as I grab the gloves off the shelf, strap them on and start hitting the heavy bag in time to the music.

* * *

><p>After spending almost all day working out in the training room at the Magic Box, I head to Buffy's place hoping she'd be home and I can hear all about how her job search went. I let myself in the front door and come to a stop when I see Buffy standing in the living room wearing the most fucking ridiculous outfit I've ever seen.<p>

"Whoa, what the hell, B?"

"Oh god," she groans as she takes off the hat. "It's bad, isn't it?"

"You're slinging burgers at the Doublemeat Palace now?" I ask, trying to fight the smile dancing over my lips. "Cute, B. You really look good in orange."

"Shut up."

"You do," I smile as I walk over to her and wrap my arms around her. "It's not that bad. Got a job at least right?"

"Figures the only thing I'm qualified for is working in a fast-food joint for minimum wage."

"Got myself a job too," I say with a shrug as she tosses her hat on the couch and wraps her arms around me. "Working at the Bronze again. Gary took me back on grounds that I won't be going missing again."

"You better not."

"You know I don't plan on these things to happen."

"You totally jinxed it, Faith!"

"Fuck that," I laugh and I lean in to kiss her. "I didn't jinx anything. Was just sayin-"

"Stop. Don't "just say"! That's how you jinx it!"

"B," I laugh and I kiss her again. "Don't worry. I ain't going missing again and before ya know it, you'll be sick of me and kicking me to the curb, wishing I did get myself taken and ya gotta hunt me down for weeks to find me."

"You know that'll never happen."

"Only been a few weeks. Haven't spent this long together since ya came back."

"Don't be such an asshole. You know how I feel about you. The last thing I want is to get rid of you, Faith."

"So, when you start this new job, B?" I ask her as I play with the collar of her striped shirt. It's hideous but I ain't gonna tell her that.

"In about an hour," she frowns. "Are you working tonight?"

"Nah, start tomorrow. Early-ish. Before noon," I reply and roll my eyes. "Ya want me to pop by tonight on your break?"

She gives me a little nod before leaning in for a sweet little kiss. I feel one of her hands she has on my waist drop away and I pull back as she pulls something out of her back pocket. It's a check. I look at it and holy shit, that's a lot of money. I also recognize Giles' signature.

"When did he give you that?"

"This afternoon. He wanted to help out."

"Thirty grand?"

"He said it'll keep the bank from taking the house."

I whistle as I watch her put it back in her back pocket. "G is a good man, but damn I never knew he had money like that just to throw around."

"He doesn't," Buffy says with a slight frown. "He said something about how I'm like a daughter to him and it's the least he can do to help me out. Most of that money came from what the Council should've been paying me."

"Holy shit, the Council pays out? Where the hell were they when I first was called as a slayer?"

"They're supposed to, but they don't."

"Well, fuck, I might just go to jolly old England and pay these guys a visit. They owe me. They owe both of us, especially more so to you since you died. Twice," I laugh as I step back from her and take a look at her again in that hideous uniform. "You're really gonna go through with this, aren't ya, B?"

"I knew it's as bad as it looks," she frowns and she grabs the hat off the couch but doesn't put it on. "It's just temporary," she insists and I nod my head. "Really it is, Faith. Nobody else in this town is hiring a college drop-out."

She checks her watch and sighs as she puts the hat on. I try not to laugh but I can't help it. I stop her from taking it off and I tuck a few stray hands of hair behind her ears. I smile at her and I get a frown. I sensually lick over my lips and wiggle my eyebrows as I move my hands down her back and grab her ass. She smiles a little and I laugh as I lean in for a little kiss.

"Aren't they so cute together, Xander?" I hear Anya say and I pull back from Buffy's lips, bit surprised she didn't end the kiss first as soon as we heard them come into the room. "They are so adorable. Did you see that little display of affection and love between them? Never knew Faith had it in her. No offense, Faith."

"None taken, Ahn," I smile over at her, my hands still firmly on Buffy's ass. Xander looks like he's about to pass out and I laugh as I give Buffy's ass another little squeeze and let go.

"You just called Faith adorable," Xander mutters and I wink at him as I watch Buffy grab her jacket from where she left it by the front door. "No offense, Faith, but you're everything but adorable."

"Treading on thin water," Anya says as she jabs him in the side. "He thinks you're sexy and hot. You just keep your hands and eyes on your own girlfriend and stay away from mine."

"Ya got a cute little girlfriend, Anya?" I ask, winking as she becomes flustered. "How does Xander feel about that?"

"Faith, you know damn well I don't have a girlfriend!"

I laugh and follow Buffy out the front door, leaving Anya and Xander to bicker like an old married couple in the living room. Buffy instantly reaches for my hand, a first since it's still light out and her neighbours are out of the house, some sitting on their front porches, others getting groceries in from their cars or watching their kids play. It's crazy how things can just change over the course of a day.

"Those two are hilarious," I laugh and Buffy nods her head in agreement. "The wedding is coming up soon. You're still gonna be my date, right, B?"

"Of course. That is if you'll want to be there with me wearing that hideous green dress Anya insisted we wear."

"And again I just wanna say how fucking happy I am that she didn't want me to be one of her bridesmaids," I smirk and Buffy reaches with her other hand to playfully punch me in the shoulder. "Man, it's kind of a trip those two are getting married in a couple of weeks. Xander done grown right up before the rest of us."

"Don't remind me."

"Don't worry, B, you play your cards right-"

"What?" Buffy stops walking and lets go of my hand, completely freaked. "What are you talking about, Faith?"

Shit, that came out so completely wrong. I forget sometimes that there are certain things that come outta my mouth that set Buffy off. Time to do some damage control before we end up fighting again.

"I was just gonna say don't shut yourself out completely to the possibility of getting married and settled down, B. It could happen. Maybe with me, maybe with someone else. Who knows?"

"Are you saying that's what you want out of this relationship with me?"

"B, I ain't shutting out any possibility here, okay? Life is too short not to have some kind of a dream and long term goals. And before you say it, yeah I know we're slayers, but we're still here and ain't nothing killed us off for good yet. I'm in this for as long as you'll have me. Whether it's for a few more days-or hours at this point," I laugh and I see her ease up a little. "Or whether it's forever, however long forever lasts."

"Forever," she chuckles softly and she reaches for my hand again. "It's just-I just haven't thought about that between us yet, Faith. I'm just enjoying the time we have right now together. I don't like dreaming of the future when it's not certain how it's going to end up."

"B, even for normal people, life isn't set in stone. Anything could happen. Good, bad, and everything in between. Just gotta _live_, you know?"

That gets me a smile outta her and we keep on walking towards the Doublemeat Palace, taking a shortcut through Restfield. She stops me before we reach the fast-food joint and pulls me in for a deep kiss. I tell her I'll see her later and I just stand there and watch her as she goes inside. I just laugh a little as I turn and walk away; ignoring my stomach and the hunger pangs I'm feeling. I walk through town, waiting for the sun to set, knowing if I can slay a vampire or two, it'd kill the time and help me forget just how damn hungry I am.

I end up running into Tara as she's leaving the Magic Box with a few books. She looks a bit surprised to see me and asks me if I'd join her for a coffee. I can't help but notice though as we sit at the Espresso Pump just how sad she is. I know she misses Willow, but the way Willow was using magic and lying to her about it really put a strain on their relationship. I got faith they'll get over it though and they'll be back together in no time.

I ask Tara about her classes, about how she's liking living back at the dorms. She isn't talking too much and I'm lucky if I get a few word answers outta her. I tell her how Buffy full out told Willow about the two of us and she laughs at the way I imitate Willow's reaction. At least I got a laugh outta her. Points for the dark slayer.

It's dark by the time we finish our coffee and I offer to walk her back to the dorms. She doesn't say no, but she doesn't say yes either, so I take it she doesn't care either way. We walk through Sunnydale towards the campus and she's quiet. I'm used to it though when it comes to Tara, but her sadness is coming out of her in waves and I hate seeing her like this. We're barely on campus when three vamps come out from behind a grove of trees.

"Tara, go. Get outta here," I say as I reach inside my jacket pocket for a stake. I make sure she's off running towards her dorm before I look over at the three vampires trying to corner me.

Damn, the sun has barely been down for half an hour, if that, and already there's three vamps on my ass. Why do I get the feeling tonight is gonna be one helluva busy night? And what are the chances that after all the slow nights on patrol we've been having, that tonight they decide to come out and play?

Buffy sure is gonna be pissed she missed out on the action, that's for sure.

I can tell right off the bat two of the three are newbie vamps. I dust them without much of a fight, but the third one is now pissed as hell and coming right at me. I duck down when he throws a hard right hook towards my head and I swing my leg around and kick his out from under him. Before I can dust him like his two other buddies, he's on his feet and has his thick, meaty hands wrapped around my neck.

A bright light blinds both of us, but allows me a split second to get outta the vamp's death grip on my neck. I look over at the source of the light and Tara is standing there, shaking as the light fades from her hands. The vamp is still stunned and I use it to my advantage and plunge the stake into his chest. When the dust clears, I walk over to Tara to make sure she's all right.

"Thought I told ya to get outta here?" I ask her as I put the stake back inside my pocket.

"You looked like you needed some help."

"Was nothing I couldn't get myself outta," I shrug it off. "What gives with the magic light, Tara?"

"Uh I-it's just a little something I was working on."

I wanna gripe to her about using magic, but it's not quite the same way Willow has been using it so I just keep my mouth shut about it. she already feels bad enough as it is and I ain't gonna be the one to make things even worse for her.

"Will-Willow came up with the idea a little while ago," she stammers as I start walking towards her dorm. "I was just curious and found a few spell books at the Magic Box today."

"Got any other _ideas_ on how to repel vamps, Tara?" I ask and she shrugs and shakes her head no. "No little magic ball of sunlight we could pull out and use in a pinch?"

"No, I-not that I know of," she mutters. "Faith, you aren't going to tell her I've used magic, are you?"

"You're a witch, Tara. You can't be a witch and not use magic. What Willow has been using it for ain't quite the way you just did."

"Okay," she says sadly as we reach her dorm. "Faith, be careful out there tonight. Something feels different today."

"Care to elaborate on that?"

Tara motions for me to follow her to her room and once we're inside and the door is shut, she takes a few deep breaths and stares right at me.

"Something is happening out there, Faith. I don't know what, but I can just feel it. Can't you feel it too?"

"Feel what?" I ask as I wander around her room. Nothing is unpacked yet and the only sign of someone living here is the small twin bed that's made off to the left side of the room and the few books on the floor next to it. "Tara, ya gotta tell me what you're feeling here 'cause on the Hellmouth, a slayer always feels something even when there's practically nothing."

"It's different," she says and she sits down on the edge of the bed. "It feels like dark energy, an electricity of sorts. You feel it and you just don't know where it's coming from."

"I feel something, that's for sure, but nothing more than the usual buzz I get daily."

"Faith, something is happening out there and it's not good."

"Nothing is ever good here in SunnyHell," I chuckle and stop as soon as I see how deadly serious she's being here. "Tara, what do you know?"

"I-I don't know," Tara frowns and she hugs herself. "I just don't like this feeling."

"How long ya been feeling it?" I ask her as I sit down on the bed next to her.

"A couple of days. It's getting stronger with every minute that passes today."

"Ya think something big is about to happen? What, is some big bad gonna try to open up the Hellmouth or something tonight?"

"No, not that. Something else is coming."

"The First?"

"No," she shakes her head. "I don't know what it is, but I can just sense it."

"You talk to Giles about this?" I ask her. She just shakes her head no. "You should call him or go around to his place and talk to him about this. You know how he's just itching for something to do."

I laugh and Tara places a hand on my shoulder. "Stop it, Faith. It's no laughing matter. It's serious. Something is going on here and it's bigger than what any of us are prepared for."

"Would help if we knew what the hell is going on and what is coming," I mutter as I stand up and start to pace around the room. "Why didn't ya say anything to one of us sooner?"

"I-I don't know," she says softly. "I thought maybe I was just heartbroken and feeling things because of that, but I know it's more than a broken heart right now, Faith."

Shit. Of all the nights Buffy had to get a job and start it had to be tonight. I want to go out there and see what I can dig up, but if I find any, I sure as hell don't wanna be out there without Buffy at my side. Sure, I can handle just about anything that comes my way, but call me co-dependent now 'cause I want Buffy there with me in case things go to shit.

But maybe Tara is just confused about what she's feeling. Maybe she _is_ heartbroken and the Hellmouth is making her feelings all screwed up and hard to decipher right now.

In the end, after much convincing on Tara's part, she tags along with me as I go out on patrol. I know it's not a wise thing to let her come along, especially if she's feeling something is going on out there right now, but she's a witch and a powerful one and it'd be nice to have a little bit of backup if it comes down to it. Besides, with that little magic light trick she pulled later has me convinced she'll be able to help me out in a pinch.

After we hit a few cemeteries, coming up with nothing other than the odd vamp looking for dinner, I suddenly feel the strangest thing. I pull of sorts and I let it lead me to wherever it's coming from. Before I know it, we're at the ruins of Sunnydale High and I'm going in without a second thought. Tara follows, never saying a word to me.

It's dark in here and I can still faintly smell the fire from the explosion when Buffy blew up the Mayor and the school. Tara mutters a few small words and a trail of light hovers about us, making it easier to see and work our way through what's left of the school. The pull is getting much stronger as I head down to the basement where the Hellmouth lies.

And suddenly I'm feeling like this is one helluva bad idea to be down here alone with Tara. Something else is down here and this ain't gonna end well. For either of us.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter Thirty-Two**

The ground beneath us begins to shake as we get closer to the Hellmouth. I pull out the dagger I keep sheathed in my boot knowing if there's something big and nasty down here, this little dagger isn't gonna help me out much in a fight.

The light Tara cast has faded, but I see another light up ahead. Flickering light. Candles or torches maybe. Tara grabs on to my arm as I continue on, getting closer to the Hellmouth than I've ever been before. I can feel it, the power and energy and I gotta admit, I'm more than just a little scared. I'm fucking terrified. Now more than ever I wish that Buffy is here with me to face whatever it is that's just up ahead.

I stop when we reach an opening free of wreckage. There's a few torches lit, some jammed in between chunks of concrete, others in the dirt floor. There's no visible sign of someone or something down here, but I know better. I can _feel_ that we're not alone right now. Tara lets go of my arm and I just stand there, listening and waiting.

"Faith-"

"Be quiet," I hiss as I hold a hand up. I hear something moving, something just out of sight.

That's when I start to see the shadows moving, whatever is there still just outta sight. I can just faintly feel them out and I know there are vamps here. From the feel of things and the amount of shadows I'm seeing, there's more than a dozen. I know I can't take on a dozen on my own, not with a little dagger and one stake with Tara as my only backup here.

"Ah, dinner, delivered right here to our humble home," a vampire growls as he steps out of the shadows and into the light. He sniffs as he circles around us, smirking as he looks us up and down. "Ah, how wonderful. A slayer and a witch. This is truly a treat tonight, huh boys?"

I grit my teeth as I see what looks like seven or eight other vampires come out of the shadows from wherever they were hiding. Tara grabs on to my arm again and she's fucking terrified. Don't blame her. I'm feeling a bit more on the scared side than I should be right about now. It's gotta be the Hellmouth that has me wigging out, not the fact there's less than a dozen vamps I could take on-just as long as they don't all come at me all at once.

Fat chance of that happening. My luck I gained since being back is about to run out.

"Camping out on the Hellmouth?" I ask, trying not to make myself sound as scared as I am. "Bit risky even for you types, ain't it?"

The vamp growls at me and he takes a step closer to me. I can smell blood on his breath and it makes my stomach churn in disgust. He's fed already and I know for a fact that a vampire who has fed is always a helluva lot stronger than the hungry ones. I feel Tara tighten her grip on my arm and I just cast a quick glance at her. She's white as a ghost and trying to keep it together.

Gonna go out on a limb here and guess the vamp in front of me is the leader of this nest. He's bigger than the others and I ain't gonna doubt he's stronger too.

"Now, now, starting the fun without me?" Spike laughs as he jumps down from the hole in the floor above us. He winks at me quickly before grabbing the vamp in front of me and pulling him away. "Thought you knew better than that, Vic."

"Spike, you are not welcome here amongst us."

"Oh pish posh, enough of that. So I got me a bloody chip in the head. Don't think that'll stop me from taking out the slayer and the witch with you boys."

"You are our enemy, Spike," he growls as he grabs Spike by his jacket and pulls him up close, fangs bearing as he glares at Spike with his angry yellow eyes. "You've got a death wish, don't you, dear old friend? I could make it happen."

Spike head-butts him and I spring into action, taking care of the two vamps to my left before they can get too close. Tara tries to run for cover, to get out of the middle of the fight, but two other vamps grab her and haul her off. Before I can take off after them, I'm grabbed by four of the others and I struggle to get out of their hold as the one Spike called Vic comes in towards me. I frantically look around for Spike. He's knocked out cold and lying on the ground about twenty feet away.

God fucking damn it.

Vic just barely manages to knick my neck with his fangs before Spike is pulling him off me. I jump into action, fighting off the others and trying to get in as many blows as I can while trying to figure out what way the other two vamps took Tara.

"Go on!" Spike yells at me. "Go get her back! I'll hold these ones off!"

I take off running in the direction the two vamps hauled Tara off to. I grab a torch and run into the wreckage, dodging the odd debris that falls from the ceiling above-or what's left of it anyway. I can only faintly hear Tara crying, but it's hard to tell which direction they've gone.

The first thought in my head right now is how much Willow is going to kill me if anything happens to Tara. I'll be damned if I'm gonna let them touch a single hair on her head.

I search frantically through the maze of debris in the basement of Sunnydale High. Every time I think I'm getting closer, the sound of Tara crying fades. I think the worst each time, but then I hear them again, a little further away. I keep trying not to panic and I head up the way we came and the only way out. I see blood on the floor I know wasn't there before and it's becoming increasingly harder for me not to full out panic right now.

"Did you find her yet?" Spike asks, gasping as he catches up to me.

"No! What happened to the others?"

"Dust on the ground now," he replies and we start searching through the school together. Spike has the advantage over me and follows the smell of fresh human blood, grabbing my arm and leading me back down to the basement. "Trying to throw us off," he mutters and places a finger over his lips, motioning for me to stay quiet.

Spike leads the way through the basement, opposite of the area around the Hellmouth. Broken glass and debris crunch under my boots as I try desperately to stay quiet. Then I hear it. Just a soft whimper and I know we're close to where they've taken Tara.

"Faith, help me, please," she cries out and I break out in a run in the sound of her voice. I turn a corner and drop the torch. She's lying on the ground in a pool of her own blood, barely breathing and on the brink of death. "Please help me," she whimpers and I'm on my knees next to her, holding up her head as Spike picks up the torch and moves closer to us.

"They've fed on her," I say under my breath as I hold my fingers over the puncture wounds on her neck. "Tara, everything is gonna be okay. Just hold on."

"My leg-I can't-it's broken," she groans as I try to get her up from the ground.

"Spike, find them and kill them," I say sharply as I pick Tara up, careful to mind her badly injured leg. "Hold on, Tara. I'm gonna get you to the hospital. Don't you dare fucking die on me."

I make my way as quickly as I can outta the school and out to the street. I'm breathing heavily as I break out into a steady jog and head for the hospital. It's a bit far, but I'm hoping I'll make it there in time before she loses anymore blood. I can feel the tears stinging my eyes, but I hold them back.

I burst through the emergency room doors, frantically screaming at the doctors and nurses to help Tara. I'm a mess and I can't stay calm. A handful of nurses bring over a gurney and I place Tara down on it. She grabs my hand and holds on tight as the nurses try to wheel her away from me. She lets go, tears rolling down her cheeks as they disappear around the corner.

"What happened to her?" One of the nurses ask me as she holds on to a clipboard.

"She got jumped," I say quickly. "Two guys got a hold of her. By the time I caught up to them, I found her like this."

"Is she allergic to anything?"

"I- don't know."

"Okay," the nurse says calmly and points to the waiting room. "Have a seat and someone will come and let you know how your friend is doing. Does she have any family we need to contact?"

"I-no, no she doesn't. Just us."

"There's a payphone down the hall if you need to use it. Just sit tight and relax. We'll take care of your friend. What is her name?"

"Tara," I whisper and I watch the nurse as she runs off and around the corner in the same direction the others had taken Tara. "Oh fuck," I groan as I collapse into one of the hard blue plastic chairs and bury my face in my hands.

It takes me a few minutes to get myself together. My jacket and shirt are soaked in Tara's blood and tears. I get up from the chair and head down the hallway to the payphone and I dig into my pockets, looking for a quarter. The first person I call is Giles and I barely get out that Tara is in the emergency room before he tells me he'll be there as soon as possible and hangs up the phone. I dig in my pockets for another quarter and call the Summers' house, my heart full of dread when the line is busy.

Giles is there within minutes, frantic and looking all over the waiting room for me. He walks up to me and hugs me, but I can tell he's a mix of angry and worried right now. He steps back and removes his glasses and I swear I see a tear try to escape his eyes.

"What on earth happened to her?"

I shake my head, unable to get the words outta my mouth. Giles runs his hands through his hair and heads over to the payphone, presumably to call Willow. I walk over to the vending machine and buy myself a cup of coffee. It's warm, flat, and tasteless, but I drink it anyway.

"Faith, what happened?" Giles asks again and he frowns when I just shake my head. "I couldn't get through at the house. Will you please tell me what has happened to Tara?"

"I feel so stupid," I mutter and I walk over to the closest chair and sit down. "Ran into her earlier," I say and I take a deep breath knowing I gotta tell him what happened. "We had coffee, talked, I walked her back to the dorm. Couple vamps showed up, slayed them no thanks to Tara and this magic light she whipped at the one who had me in a death grip. She told me something felt different about tonight, something was off and that something big was brewing up. Didn't get what she was saying at first, but now I get it. I totally fucking get it."

"Faith, what are you-"

"She came with me out on patrol. Should've made her stay home, but she insisted she had to come along. I know she can take care of herself in most situations so I figured, what the hell right?"

"Where did you go?" Giles asks calmly.

"Sunnydale High. Ran into at least ten vamps. Got the jump on us, two of them took her from me while the others tried to feed on me. Spike was there. Saved my ass. By the time I found her, they'd fed on her and pretty fucking sure her leg is broken. Giles, I felt things down there and I thought it was just the Hellmouth screwing with my slayer senses here, but I think Tara is right. Something is coming-no, something is already here and we just haven't found it yet."

"Good lord," he groans and he gets up. He slowly walks to the coffee machine and buys himself a cup of mild, flat, and tasteless coffee. "And where was Buffy?"

"Working," I reply as he sits down in the chair next to me. He raises an eyebrow in surprise. "Got herself a job slinging burgers over at the Doublemeat Palace. Shit, after Willow kills me, Buffy is gonna kill me even more for being so _stupid_!"

"You should have told me what she felt about what is coming or perhaps what is already here. You do not think the First has risen, do you?"

"G, if the First has risen, we wouldn't be here right now. We'd be off fighting it or it's army or worse, we'd be dead by now."

"She did not say what it is?"

"No, G," I sigh heavily and then it hits me. It's so fucking clear I should've already seen it. "Shit," I groan and drink the rest of my coffee. "I know."

"You know what?"

"She felt that this was going to happen to her," I say under my breath. "She's gonna fucking die, isn't she?" I ask through the tears and I furiously wipe them away. "Fuck."

"Faith, do calm yourself. She was alive when you brought her here, wasn't she?"

"Barely."

"She's in good hands now. The doctors here will take care of her and she'll be fine," Giles says softly as he places a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Don't place this burden of guilt upon yourself. You are right, Tara can handle herself in most situations and I understand why she would want to come along with you on patrol tonight. This is not your fault, Faith."

I crush the paper cup in my hand and throw it clear across the waiting room, startling a few other people that are sitting there. I lift my head and see Spike come running in, pushing past a few nurses and people as he comes right over to us.

"They've been taken care of," he pants and he looks around the room just as frantically as Giles did when he first got here. "Where is she?"

"The doctors are taking care of her, Spike, now sit down," Giles says sternly and Spike rolls his eyes and just stands where he is. "And the "they" you speak of?"

"The ones that hurt Tara!" Spike nearly growled. "Chased them down, made 'em pay for what they did. They're dust in the wind now."

Spike gives in and sits down next to me, sighing heavily as he stretches out in the chair and taps his foot on the linoleum floor in time with the clicking of the clock on the wall. I watch Giles as he gets up and heads to the payphone again and then I feel like a complete idiot for forgetting about the cellphone in my pocket this whole damn time.

I pull it out and send a text to Willow, using the code word we have for when someone is in the emergency room, 911. Simple and straight to the point. Before I even put the phone back in my pocket, it rings. It's Willow and she's sounding frantic. All I manage to get out is "Tara" and the line goes dead.

"She's gonna kill me," I groan and Spike shakes his head at me. "She is!"

"Ain't your fault, Slayer. These things happen and there's fuck all anyone can do about it."

"Buffy should be here," I say and I shake my head. "Fuck, why'd she gotta go and start working at that joint tonight of all fucking nights?"

"Where is she?" Spike asks as he gets to his feet. "I'll run over and fetch her, let her know Tara is here."

"Doublemeat Palace," I reply and Spike is off, running out of the hospital as fast as his feet can take him.

I try to breathe as I close my eyes and hope to fucking hell Tara is gonna get through this. If she doesn't, I'll never forgive myself for not trying to make her stay home tonight.

* * *

><p>I look at the clock for the millionth time. Barely four in the morning now. Willow wouldn't even look at me as soon as I managed to tell her what had happened. She's pissed the hell off and at more than just me. The doctors won't let her see Tara since she's having surgery to repair her badly broken leg. She should be out by now and I can feel the tension between all of us growing as the minutes drag on.<p>

Buffy is curled up on the bench seat with Dawn, both of them drifting in and out of sleep. Willow hasn't stopped pacing in the last four fucking hours and it's starting to drive me a little bit crazy. Xander and Anya are here and have been since shortly after Willow showed up, crying in a way I'd never seen her cry before. Xander and Anya have said a word either. They just sit there in the seats across from me, alternating between watching the clock and the door that leads to the OR.

If she dies-and there's a possibility she could since she's not outta the woods yet-Willow is going to kill me, bring me back to life and kill me again. I'll never fucking forgive myself for letting her come along.

I sigh as I get up from the chair and motion to Spike to come with me outside for a cigarette. It's just about time he needs to take off before the sun rises. We don't say anything as we head to the street and I light a cigarette as I sit down on the curb.

"She'll pull through," Spike says as he sits down next to me. "She's strong. She lost a lot of blood, yeah, but the docs got her covered."

"I know."

"What happened tonight wasn't your fault," Spike says softly and I shrug. "It wasn't and you bloody well know that! Now pull yourself together, Slayer."

I half expected him to slap me, but he didn't. Couldn't do it anyway without that chip going off and giving him one hell of a migraine. I look at him and he's just staring up at the sky, watching as the very first rays of daylight try to peak over the horizon. Maybe he's not too bad after all, even if he's a royal pain in the ass most times.

"Got to get going," Spike says as he stands up. "Come around and let me know how Tara is doing later, would ya?"

"Sure," I nod and watch him walk off, pull up a cover to a manhole and jump down inside.

I sit out there for a while longer, just thinking, smoking, and watching the sun slowly rise in the sky. I feel Buffy before I see her and she sits down on the curb next to me. I can't help but smile as she takes my hand in hers and lays her head down on my shoulder.

We don't talk; we just sit there and watch the sun rise together. I can tell there's a lot going on in Buffy's mind and I ain't gonna force her to talk until she's ready to. She's still in her Doublemeat Palace uniform and I can tell she's just itching to get outta it and into some normal clothes. I want to ask her how her first night went, but I know with all that happened and by the time Spike got to her, her shift was nearly over. Can't be good her leaving before her first shift even ends.

Then I remember I gotta go to the Bronze at eleven today. I need some sleep. Desperately. There's no way I'm gonna make it through the day in one piece here at this rate. I tell Buffy I'm headed home to get a few hours of sleep before I gotta go to work later. She doesn't protest, barely says a word to me. She gives me a long, lingering kiss goodbye and she tells me she'll call if anything happens with Tara.

I take off in a swift jog, headed towards the apartment. I feel exhausted and yet at the same time, I feel like I have unlimited energy. I know I don't and I know I need to get some rest, even if just for a couple of hours. I barely manage to get undressed and crawl into bed before I give in to the heavy pull of sleep.

The dreams keep waking me up though, dreams of what happened and dreams of the vampires that took Tara and nearly killed her. Every time I wake up and fall back asleep, I dream it a little differently, the outcome always the same or worse, with me finding her dead. I know they ain't slayer dreams they're more like nightmares. Even after all I'd been through before, those kinds of nightmares never came until now.

I don't know when Buffy got there, but after the sixth or seventh time of being woken up, I rolled over and found her lying in bed next to me wearing only her bra and panties. Her Doublemeat Palace uniform I spot folded up neatly on the edge of the bed. I lie on my side and just watch her as she sleeps and it isn't long before she opens her eyes and smiles a little up at me. I lean over and give her a little kiss.

"Hey," I smile at her. "What ya doing here, B?"

"I didn't want to go home," she whispers and she moves to wrap an arm around me. "Everyone is still at the hospital."

"How come you're not?"

"Giles told me to go home and get some sleep."

"How's Tara doing?"

"Awake when I left," Buffy replies sleepily. "She's okay, Faith. Just in a lot of pain. She'll be there for a couple of days."

"She's okay?"

Buffy nods and closes her eyes. I roll on to my back and she lays her head down on my chest. I run my hands up and down the length of her back, feeling her relax against me. I glance at the clock and realize I barely got an hour before I gotta go down to the Bronze and open the place up for the day. As much as I don't want to move from this spot, I know I gotta and soon.

"B?" I say as I rub her back again until she lifts her head and opens her eyes to look at me. "I gotta go soon."

"Go?"

"Got a job, remember?" I say with a sigh and she frowns. "You working today?"

"Later. Afternoon shift."

"Patrol tonight?" I ask her as I slip out from her arms and get out of bed. Buffy nods and follows me, grabbing her uniform as I grab a towel and head down to the bathroom. "B?" I say as she follows me into the bathroom and locks the door behind her. "Not such a good idea."

"It's a great idea," she smiles as she unhooks her bra and lets it fall to the floor.

I watch her as she bites her lower lip and slips out of her panties. Soon as they hit the floor, I'm out of the sweats and tank I'd changed into to sleep in in a flash. I back up towards the tub and turn on the water, watching Buffy as she slowly steps towards me. I know that look in her eyes all too well and despite how tired she is, she's definitely in the mood to fuck right now.

And despite how pressed for time I am right now, I definitely want her. There's never been a moment when I didn't want her.

I turn my back to her to test the water, making sure it's just right. She wraps her arms around me from behind and presses a few light kisses against my shoulders. I turn around and capture her lips with mine, forgetting about the shower and how little time we really have right now.

I don't care what else is going on, what other responsibilities I have right now 'cause all my mind is focused on is the gorgeous woman in my arms and where her hands are headed to right now.


	33. Chapter 33

********Author's Notes:** So, as a few people will already know I tried to end this story a few chapters from this point, but after letting it sit for a week, I realized that this story is far from over. So hang on to your hats, it's gonna be even longer than I thought!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Thirty-Three<strong>

I've been waiting just outside the Doublemeat Palace for about half an hour for Buffy to go on her break. The day was long as hell, but boring and Gary let me off about six since things were pretty quiet there most of the day. I was pretty fucking distracted most of the day too, especially after fucking Buffy in the bathroom, twice, before we got our asses into gear and had a shower together.

I walk around to the back of the building and lean up against the brick wall by the back door. I check my watch and try not to fidget much. She should've been on her break by now. She told me her break was at seven and that her shift would be over at nine. It's nearly eight now.

I hear clattering over by the dumpster and I check my pocket and make sure my stake is still there. I walk over there quietly and quickly, ready to jump whatever is behind it. I sneak around the dumpster and am ready to pounce. It's just a damn stray cat that hisses at me as I pull the stake out. I laugh as I put my stake back into my pocket and spin around.

"Slaying stray cats now, Faith?" Buffy teases as she grabs the collar of my jacket and pulls me close to her.

"Nah."

"Have you been waiting long?"

"A while," I reply with a shrug. "Couldn't get out on your break?"

"I'm here now," she whispers as she leans in for a kiss. Her hands go under my shirt and she rakes her nails over my stomach. "I don't have long," she says against my lips as her hands roam further and she cups my breasts.

I feel my whole body responding to her and I back her up against the wall, looking around behind me to make sure we're outta sight before I crush my lips against hers and work on trying to unbutton her hideous orange pants. I know just what she wants right now and I'm not about to deny her it no matter where we are right now. Always have a hard time telling her no or denying her what she wants especially when it comes to sex.

This woman is insatiable. And I love it.

"Fuck," I groan as Buffy speeds things up a little and all but shoves my hand down her pants, showing me where she needs me right now. She's soaked and my fingers easily slide inside of her.

"We're not going on patrol tonight," she says breathlessly. "We're going to my place and locking ourselves in my room all night."

"Sounds good to me, B, but what about-"

"Willow is at the hospital with Tara and Dawn is staying at Janice's place tonight. We'll have the whole house to ourselves."

I groan at the thought of being alone with her all night long, not worrying about keeping quiet or being discreet. I slow the pace of my fingers and she moans. I can feel her clenching around me, so desperately needing some release. I use my thumb and circle over her clit as I crush my lips back against hers. I shift, trying to get better leverage to fuck her nice and deep. I use my other hand to push her pants down a little, giving me a bit more room to work with here.

I can feel her roll her hips, trying to get me to fuck her harder and faster. I gotta admit I love teasing her, going slow until she just can't fucking stand it anymore. I know we don't got a whole lot of time right now, but I don't care.

I can feel my clit throbbing as I grind against her thigh, burying my fingers knuckle deep inside of her. I want her to touch me to, to fuck me, but I'm not gonna stand here and beg her to. Right now, it's about her and I'm fine with that. We'll have all night together, fucking until we just can't stand it anymore.

"Oh god, Faith," Buffy sighs as she grips my shoulders tight.

I can feel her already on the edge and I pick up the pace, fucking my fingers inside of her a little quicker and a little bit harder. There's nothing more that I wanna do than get down on my knees and bury my face in her pussy and make her cum with my tongue. Just thinking of that has me getting even more worked up and needing a little bit of release of my own.

Buffy's hands go to the back of my head and she grips my hair tight, pulling me in for a deep, wildly passionate kiss that leaves my whole body just fucking buzzing. I can feel her clenching around my fingers and I slow my pace and grind my palm against her clit, strumming my fingers inside of her until I feel her whole body tense. She moans into my mouth, trying not to scream out as she cums. It was a quick one tonight, that's for sure, but she obviously desperately needed it if she gave in so easily.

"Oh god," she sighs as she pulls back from my lips and leans her head back against the wall. "Faith, I-I'm sorry."

"What the hell for?" I ask as I pull my fingers out of her pussy and rub it gently before pulling my hand out of her pants.

"For not-you-"

"Don't worry about it," I say and I smirk as I bring my fingers to my lips and lick off her wetness. I take a step back, giving her a little space. She buttons up her pants and I can't help but notice how flushed she is, how relaxed she looks. "You still getting off soon, B?"

"Yeah. Are you going to come back here and walk home with me or are you just going to meet me at the house?"

"I'll come back around. Gonna duck over to Restfield real quick and find a vamp or two to slay. Still got over an hour to go here, B, and I wanna get at least one in tonight."

Buffy leans in to me and presses her lips to my ear. "You just had three inside of me," she growls and I give her ass a playful slap as she steps around me and heads back inside.

"Damn, I'm a bad influence on you," I chuckle and she spins around to smile and wink at me before she heads back inside to work. Damn.

I light a cigarette and head to Restfield, already feeling my slayers senses buzzing as soon as I step past the gates. I know it's gonna be a good night for slaying and I'm damn well gonna get in as many as I can before I head back to the Doublemeat Palace in about an hour. I sneak up behind two vamps just standing by one of the many mausoleums. They can't see me and haven't heard me and I grin as I flick my cigarette to the ground and make my appearance known.

"Hello boys," I say, smiling as they turn around looking scared as hell. "Tonight's your lucky night."

* * *

><p>Seven vamps later and I'm feeling pumped up. I glance at my watch and I got about ten minutes to spare to get back to the Doublemeat Palace. I spot two more just up ahead and there's no way I'm letting them go without a fight. This place has just been <em>crawling<em> with vamps tonight and I gotta wonder just how many more are out there tonight. This is the most vamps I've seen in a night and I know that can't be good. Never is.

I run up behind the two vamps and send the one of the right flying with a swift roundhouse kick to its back. I grab the other and he takes a swing at me, but I'm in no mood to dick around. I pull out my stake and plunge it in his chest. I turn around to face the one I sent flying, but he's nowhere to be seen. I glance at my watch again and I only have five minutes to get to the Doublemeat Palace before Buffy's shift ends.

I growl and start off in the direction I kicked the vamp, knowing if I don't slay him, it's gonna be on my conscience all night.

I spot him after searching for ten minutes and I'm pissed. Royally fucking pissed. It's a short fight and I get in a few hard punches just to slow the asshole down. Soon as I plunge the stake into his heart, I feel a different kind of buzz. I dust off my clothes and turn around to see Buffy standing there watching.

"Hey, B," I smile as I walk over to her. "Got a little caught up here."

"So I can see. How many did you get tonight, Faith?"

"Nine," I reply, smiling wider. "Place is really crawling with vamps tonight."

"I got two on the way here looking for you," Buffy replies with a shrug and I wrap my arms around her and lean in for a kiss. "Should we do a quick patrol, Faith?"

"Nah, I got plenty as is for tonight. Let's get outta here."

I take her hand and lead the way to the cemetery gates. Buffy seems a bit quiet right now and I got no doubt on my mind her conscience is taking a toll on her. It's taking a toll on me too. I know we should be staying out there, slaying and doing what we do best, but there's other parts of my mind that just wanna forget it all for tonight and be with the woman I love.

I'll deal with the consequences tomorrow. And Giles.

The streets are unusually quiet for this time at night. Not even a single car on any of the streets we walk down as we head towards her place. I keep my eyes and ears open though, knowing if I came across that many vamps in the cemetery, there's gonna be some crawling around the streets looking for a bite to eat. But I don't see any or feel any and the only thing I can feel is the connection between Buffy and I, the slayer essence.

Sometimes I wonder if that's what's drawn us together this time around. Was always there, even before, but it confused me and I know it sure as hell confused her too. We talked about it, just once, and figured it was more than just the slayer connection that brought us together this time.

The house is dark when we get there and I wait patiently for Buffy to unlock the front door, trying desperately to keep my hands to myself as to not give her neighbours a little peep show. Soon as we're inside though, that's a whole other story. Buffy barely flipped on the hallway light and I have her backed up against the door, my lips on hers and my fingers desperately trying to unbutton her shirt. She pushes me away a couple of times, breathing heavily, but doesn't say anything. I know she wants to take this upstairs and probably is hoping I'm getting the hint.

I let Buffy lead the way up to her bedroom and I'm still trying to unbutton her shirt. I finally get it undone, pull the ugly thing off her, and make quick work at getting her white lacy bra unclasped. She pushes me away and runs her hands through her hair before she stalks towards me and nearly rips my jacket off. I kick off my boots and try to reach for the button on her pants, but she pushes me hard down on the bed and moves to straddle my hips. My heart is fucking racing as I watch her pull off her bra and toss it across the room. She lifts up my shirt, ridding me of it completely.

She's being impatient and insistent now that we're in the safety of her bedroom. I know the hungries and hornies have kicked in and the hornies are definitely taking over. It's always more fucking intense when we're together after we've slayed. She becomes an insatiable animal and I can't ever get enough of it when she's like that.

I watch as Buffy unbuttons her pants and moves from my lap to stand near the edge of the bed. She shimmies out of her pants, taking her panties down with them and she just stares at me still half-dressed and laying on her bed just waiting for her to make the next move. I move my hands to unbutton my pants and she stands and watches as I try to slide them off without getting up from the bed.

Soon as my pants are off she's back straddling my hips. I moan at the feel of her wet pussy against my thigh as she languidly runs her hands over my stomach and up to cup my breasts through my bra. I lean up and let her take it off. I pull her down with me and crush my lips against hers, my hands sweeping down her back to grip at her hips.

"Faith," she whispers breathlessly as she parts from my lips. I know what she wants just from how she said my name and I'm not about to deny my girl something she wants right now.

I groan as I spread my legs and move her where I want her, where I need her. I bite my lower lip and watch as Buffy leans back and grinds down against me. My hands don't leave her hips as I set the pace, hard and fast. She may be on top, but I'm the one in control right now. But lately, it's never been about who is on top, who is in control. We're together and nothing feels better than that feeling right there.

The sight of her in front of me makes me wish we had a strap-on. I'd love to see her ride me and just the thought of it gets me going. Definitely going to make an investment in one soon enough.

I feel myself teetering over the edge. It's always like this with her whether it's right after we've been out on patrol or not. I know she's close too, I can almost feel it as she grinds into me. She leans forward to kiss me, moaning as her orgasm rumbles through her body. I'm still close and she stills her body and kisses me deeply. I feel her move a hand between my legs and she lifts her body up a little as her fingers slip over my aching clit.

It's all it takes and she's back to kissing me as I cum against her fingers. I roll us over until I'm on top and quickly move down her body, needing more of her. All of her. Buffy runs her hands through my hair as I trail my lips and tongue over her breasts. She gives me a little tug and I know what that means without having to be told. She wants me to go slow.

"I love you," I whisper against her skin just over her heart. I look up at her and she's smiling down at me.

"I love you," she whispers, her smile getting bigger as I place a few kisses over her heart.

There's nothing that I want more than for her to know just how much I do love her. I want her to know it and feel it every single day. I love how she smiles at me when I tell her. It makes everything in this fucked up world just disappear until all I see is her.

Never would've thought things would be so different between us now especially after how it all started out, with Buffy in denial and using me to scratch her itch. Hey, it's not perfect and it never will be, but it's better now and that's all I care about.

I just lay my head down on her chest and listen to her heart. I close my eyes as she runs her fingers through my hair and gently massages my scalp.

Can't help but think about the last couple of weeks and how far our relationship has come. I just smile and lift my head to look up at her and she's looking right back at me with a confused look on her face. Fucking adorable. I crawl up until my eyes are level with hers and I plant a soft kiss on her lips.

"What are you thinking about?" Buffy asks and I just give her a little shrug.

"Lots of little things. Mostly you. Mostly us."

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"Like how much I wanna get a strap-on," I chuckle and her eyes go wide at that. "I'm serious."

"I know you are," she replies, sounding a little nervous. "Are you-does this mean you're getting bored?"

"Fuck no," I say as I kiss her again. "Far from it, B. It's just a way to bring things to a whole other level between us. I could _never_ be bored with you."

She looks relieved and I kiss her nice and deep. She pushes me back a little and sighs. "I was worried maybe I wasn't enough for you," she says and it makes me laugh. "I know it's been great between us, I just-I wasn't sure what to think when you mentioned getting a uh-you know."

"B, you are amazing. You are more than enough for me. Don't ever doubt for a second that you aren't, okay? I just thought it'd be fucking hot adding a little something something."

Buffy laughs a little but I can tell she still feels a little tense and a little unsure about things. It never fails to amaze me how she can be a demon in the sack but then get all shy and shit about me mentioning us bringing in a strap-on to mix things up a bit.

I kiss her again and feel her relax beneath me. I can feel her getting worked up again and I know she is 'cause I'm feeling it too. I trail my lips down her neck, biting gently over her pulse point. I feel her arch into me as I do and I continue downwards, lavishing all my attention on her perfect breasts. She spreads her legs as I move further down, trailing the tip of my tongue over and around her belly button.

I could spend forever just kissing and licking and biting every inch of her skin, but the feel of her hot, wet pussy against my stomach is making me impatient. I have to taste her.

I move down between her legs and run my fingertips slowly up her inner thighs. I don't take my eyes off of her as she looks down at me. I don't touch her where she wants me to and I can tell she's growing more impatient by the second. I slip off the bed and kneel on the floor at the edge and I pull her towards me. She bites her lower lip as I lightly trace my fingers over her almost hairless pussy, teasing around the lips and very shallowly slipping a finger into her waiting hole.

"Faith," she moans as I lean in and place soft kisses along her inner thighs.

I'll never get tired of the way she says my name like that, all breathless and sexy and every time she says it, I swear I almost cum on the spot.

I lean in and slowly lick along the length of her pussy, drinking her in and trying to hold myself back from reaching between my legs and touching myself to satisfy the aching need I have right now. I grip her hips as I plunge my tongue as deep as I can inside her hot, wet hole. Slow is thrown out of the window as soon as her hands go to my head to hold me right where I am. I move my tongue to her clit and slide two fingers up inside of her, hard and fast.

"Oh god, Faith," Buffy squeals as she lets go of my hair and grips the sheets. "Don't stop."

I smile a little and continue, definitely not even thinking of stopping yet. I can feel how close she is and I slow my fingers down as I wrap my lips around her clit and suck it hard. I pull back from her as I continue fucking her with my fingers. Her eyes are closed and she's breathing hard. It's the sexiest sight I've ever seen. I lick over my lips as I feel her pussy tighten around my fingers. Her whole body begins to shake as her orgasm ripples through her.

I slowly slide my fingers out and lean in to lick her cum as it trickles out. I moan as I lick at her hole and I want more of it. More of her. I just can't seem to get enough right now and it's driving me crazy. Before I can get her off again, she's pulling at my hands, trying to get me to come up from between her legs. I give her one last lick before I stand up and stare down at her. She's completely relaxed, her skin is flushed and sweaty and she's got the sexiest grin curling over her lips as she stares up at me.

"Hmm," she purrs as she moves up the bed. "Come here, Faith."

I grin as I crawl up the bed towards her, taking my time and never taking my eyes off her. I crawl over her body, using one hand to hold myself up and the other to trail up over her thighs, her stomach and her breasts. I straddle her hips as I lean in to kiss her and she stops me by placing a finger over my lips.

"B-"

"My turn," she growls as she flips us over quickly.

"Fuck," I sigh as she licks and nips at my neck just over my pulse point.

Her hands seem to be everywhere all at once, everywhere but where I want them right now. I try to touch her and she leans back. She grabs my wrists and pins them to the bed at my sides. Damn. The look in her eyes is of pure lust right now. They're darker than they normally are and it's turning me on to the point where if she doesn't touch me I'll cum just from her doing this.

I raise my hips up and she leans up, taking herself just out of reach. God I love it when she gets like this. I bite my lip as she leans down and trails the tip of her tongue over each nipple all the while keeping her eyes locked on mine. My heart is racing so fast it feels like it's about to leap out of my chest. She lets go of my wrists as she trails her tongue down across my stomach. She bites at my hip as she roughly spreads my legs and settles her body down on the bed.

I swear I just came a little. And I swear she knows it too. Just when I thought she was going to take things rough, she beings to place tender kisses all along my inner thighs while her fingers gently circle over my clit. She knows just how to touch me, where to touch me and just what I like, rough or not. Have I mentioned how much I love this woman?

"Hmm," Buffy groans as she licks over my pussy. "Did you already-"

"Yeah," I whisper and I feel myself blush. Buffy laughs a little and licks over me again. "Can't help it."

"Whatever made you do that without me even touching you?" Buffy asks, the teasing tone in her voice sending shivers down my spine. "Was it when I had you pinned to the bed, keeping you out of reach or was it when I bit you?"

I groan as she slides a single finger inside of me. She's teasing me and taking it as far as she knows how to. It's fucking sexy.

"Or was it when you were fucking me so damn good that you couldn't help yourself?"

"All of the above," I chuckle and she nips at my inner thigh.

I want to run my hands through her hair, guide her where I need her the most right now, but I gotta admit I'm a bit afraid of what she'll do if I move. Whenever she gets like this, she becomes unpredictable. Sometimes I even want to ask her if she was like this before or with anyone else or if she's just like this with me. I'm not so sure I even want to know the answer to that question sometimes.

I swear I think far too much when all I should be thinking about is the gorgeous blonde slayer between my legs teasing me to the point where it's becoming too much to take.

I lean up a little and watch her as she licks at my clit and still slowly fucking me with one finger. I groan softly as she adds a second finger and I lay back and close my eyes tight as her fingers pick up speed. I can't even stop myself from moving my hands to her head and I pull her back a little. She looks confused and all I can do is lay here smiling at her like an idiot before I remember what it was I stopped her for.

"Turn around," I whisper and she complies, moving quickly to straddle my face before diving right back in. "Oh fuck," I moan as she licks around my hole before plunging it in as deep as she can.

I grip at her ass and lick my lips, just taking a second to drink in the sight of her before me. I'm right on the edge before I pull her more into me. I tease her hole with my tongue and she moans, the vibrations setting me off. My whole body is fucking buzzing and it's almost too much to handle.

As soon as she moves her fingers to my clit, I cum hard, unable to hold myself back any longer. She follows quickly too and I drink in every ounce of her that I can. She quickly turns herself around and pulls me up as she grinds her pussy into mine. I shift a little until I have one leg under one of hers, making the angle easier to fuck her. Her lips crush against mine in a heavy, passionate kiss, muffling our moans as we fuck the hell out of each other.

I stop suddenly and pull away from her lips. She looks confused and I move us until she's on her back and I'm on top. I move slowly against her, feeling her clit bump against mine. I smile down at her, realizing I don't just want to fuck her tonight; I want to make love to her. It's still a new thing to me, but it doesn't stop me from trying. I mouth the words "I love you" as I lean in to kiss her again.

I don't stop, not even as we cum together clinging to each other tightly. Her nails dig into my back and she trails them down slowly until I lean back just enough to look into her eyes. She's at her most vulnerable in moments like this and I am too. It's like I can see everything when I look at her, I can see all the things she wants to say and just doesn't know how to say them and I know my secrets are on the line too, just as hers are, but all of those things will come out one day, just not tonight, just not in a moment like this.

"Will you stay?" Buffy asks me and I nod my head.

"I'm not going anywhere tonight, B."

"Faith?"

"Hmm?"

"That wasn't what I was asking," she says and I move until I'm laying at her side. "I don't even know how you feel about this or what you'd think about what I'm about to ask you since I've never actually done this before or been close to it but-"

"B?" I laugh as I stop her from rambling on. "Are you asking me to stay as in move in here with you?"

I know from the shy smile that suddenly curls over her lips that that is what she was trying to ask me. I just smile back at her, hoping a kiss as my answer would been more than enough of a yes for her.


	34. Chapter 34

**Author's Notes: Just a little note, I'm going to start updating later in the week, possibly Thursdays or what not. Appreciate all the feedback and those still reading. This is going to be one LONG story, so be prepared for that and be prepared for me to dive into rewriting season 7 in this too... :)**

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><p><strong>Chapter Thirty-Four<strong>

I can't help but smile when I wake up late in the morning. Buffy is still in bed with me, sleeping with her back turned to me. I lean over and place a few soft kisses along her shoulder. I definitely could get used to mornings like this with her. I just ain't so sure how Willow, Tara, and Dawn are going to feel about this whole thing.

I just lay here and watch Buffy as she sleeps, wondering if I made the right choice in saying yes to moving in here with her. It'd definitely be a helluva lot better than staying with Giles, that's for sure, even if he did sign the apartment over to me before he went to England months back. Doesn't look like he's planning on going back anytime soon, not when none of us even know what is going on with the First Evil here. Not yet anyway.

Life sure has a funny way of changing overnight-this time quite literally. Can't say I'm not happy about all the changes that have been happening. I'm fucking ecstatic things are finally looking up in my life. After being dicked around by Olivia and Roman then sent to the hell dimension to kill her that shaved off two and a half months off my life, I'm just relieved things are relatively normal around here. Or at least as normal as they can get considering.

I kiss along her shoulder again until I feel her finally start to stir. She is definitely a heavy sleeper but who can blame her? We were up until the sun rose and it was her that insisted we stop long enough to get some sleep. I could've kept going until my body was ready to give up. Perks of having slayer stamina. You can go all night long. Literally.

Buffy is still dead asleep and I leave her alone and try to fall back asleep. There's nothing I want more than to spend the day in bed with her even though I know just outside the bedroom door that real life is out there waiting.

I wake up a few hours later and Buffy is gone from the bed. I sigh and get out of bed, throwing on my clothes I wore last night before making her bed up quickly. The house is quiet and empty and I grab a can of Coke out of the fridge on my way out. I got this stupid smile on my face I can't quite get rid of as I walk through the streets of Sunnydale. I can't help but feel I dunno, happy. Like really fucking happy even though I woke up alone.

"Hey," Xander says, honking the horn as he pulls his car up to the side of the road. "Where you headed, Faith?"

"Was going to pop in a see Tara for a while, see how she's feeling."

"Get in. I'm on my way there now."

I smile at him and get in the car. He's quiet as he drives to the hospital, but I don't blame him. I already know the guy is nervous as hell with his wedding just around the corner. I almost want to talk to him about it, but he stops a block away from the hospital and puts the car in park.

"What's going on?" I ask him and he just turns to me, both hands still on the steering wheel.

"I want to talk to you," he says and I take a deep breath and wait. "It's about you and Buffy."

"What about me and Buffy?"

"You aren't playing some kind of a game with her, are you, Faith?"

"God, no," I laugh at the ridiculousness of his question. "What the hell makes you think that?"

"It was just a question," he says and I see him relax a little as he drops his hands into his lap. "So you honestly love her?"

"I do. Crazy, right?"

"Yeah," he chuckles and shakes his head. "But I get it. Once you fall in love with Buffy you pretty much stay fallen for life."

"What's this about really, Xander?" I ask him and he takes a deep breath. Got to admit I'm a bit worried about where this is going in a way. "Xander?"

"Just looking out for the Buffster, that's all."

I know it's not all, but I let it go. Xander will say what he has to say when he finally grows a pair. He laughs a little before he puts the car back into drive and drives the rest of the way to the hospital. I get out of the car and while he parks it, I stand by the road and have a cigarette, my mind going a million miles a minute trying to figure out what he was trying to say to me.

I spot Xander waiting at the entrance and I flick my cigarette to the road before I jog across the parking lot to catch up with him. Neither of us say a word as we head to the elevators and ride up to the floor Tara is on. I let him lead the way. Willow is sitting on the edge of Tara's bed next to her and they're both talking quietly and holding hands. Definitely a good sign.

"Hey," I say as I pull up a chair near the window and sit down. "How ya feeling, Tara?"

"Better."

Willow gets up from the bed and helps Xander get the food out of the bag. I pull the chair up closer to the bed and smile at Tara as she stares at me.

"They got ya all doped up on pain killers?"

"Yeah," she laughs a little and reaches for my hand. "Thank you for saving me, Faith."

"Was nothing."

"I-I almost died down there," she stammers and I give her a little shrug. "I knew something was going to happen. I had that feeling. I just didn't know that it was going to be what happened to me."

I don't even know what to say to that and I just give her hand a little squeeze before Willow comes back with a plate of food and pushes past me to sit back down on the bed next to Tara. Xander leaves, explaining quickly how he's already late enough for work as it is. I move the chair back towards the window and just watch Willow as she tries to feed Tara despite Tara telling her she's perfectly capable of feeding herself.

Tara asks Willow to go down to the cafeteria and get something to drink that's not out of a vending machine. Willow is hesitant for a minute but agrees and asks me if I want anything to drink. I hold up the can of Coke I'd taken from the fridge at the Summers' house and shake my head no. Soon as she's out of the room, Tara shifts as much as she can in the bed and turns to look at me.

"Things aren't great," she says softly. "Will and I, we have a lot of things to work through, but she's been here for me right now, barely leaving my side."

"She loves you, Tara. Of course she's gonna stick around and annoy the hell outta ya."

"I know," Tara says with a smile. "She wants me to come home when I'm released tomorrow."

"How do ya feel about that?"

"I won't be able to do much for myself, that's for sure. I told her I'd think about it."

"Tara," I say as I move closer to her. "Why don't you get her to work her magic on you and heal you up? Make ya good as new?"

"Because I told her not to."

"Why?"

"Faith, you do understand the big reason why we were fighting all the time was because she was being careless with magic, don't you?"

"I get it," I reply softly and frown. "But wouldn't her healing you fall in the category of using magic for good?"

"It's a broken leg, Faith. I'll heal."

"So I gotta ask. Are you two gonna try to work things out?"

"I gave her an ultimatum. Another one. I don't want her using magic anymore and she has to prove that to me before I even consider taking her back."

We already had a conversation like this the other day before I dragged her into the whole mess that almost got her killed. I know she'd take Willow back in an instant if it wasn't for Willow's use of magic getting in the way. I get it and I don't get it. Willow is one helluva powerful witch and from the things I've seen, she's only used her magic for good and when needed. Obviously I'm not seeing the bigger picture here and hell I was gone for two and a half months so there's a lot I didn't actually see.

"Buffy stopped by before she went to work about an hour ago," Tara says and I smile a little at just the mention of Buffy. "She talked to us about something pretty huge."

"Oh yeah?"

"How do you feel about her asking you to move into the house?"

"Makes a lot of sense compared to me staying with Giles. I do spend most of my time there already and I promised her I'd help out with the money sitch."

What surprises me is that Buffy is talking to the others about it already, probably trying to get a feel on how they feel about the whole thing.

"She asked us how we felt about it."

"And by "we" you mean who exactly?"

"Willow, Dawn, and Xander," Tara replies and she shifts in the bed a little more, looking like she's trying to get comfortable. "Don't you want to know what we thought?"

"Kinda afraid of what you guys think about this," I reply with a nervous laugh. "Let me guess, you guys think we're crazy and that it's too soon to be taking this pretty big step in our relationship."

Tara laughs and winces a little as her laugh made her move a little too much. "Faith, we all do some crazy things in our lives and sometimes they aren't always the right choices, but with you two? Do you want to know what I think? I think it'll be good for both of you. And yes I do have to agree with Will and Xander that it's too soon, but you and Buffy have been through so much together."

"And it's not like we just met or are still kids here or anything like that," I add with a laugh.

"Just promise me one thing, Faith?"

"Anything. Name it."

"Don't hurt her."

I place my hand over my chest and smile at her. "I'd kill myself before I ever allow myself to hurt her, Tara."

"That's a little extreme, isn't it?" Willow asks as she walks back in the room with two styrofoam cups. "So, Faith."

"Red."

"If you're going to be living with us, just do us one favour."

"Name it."

"Try to keep it down in the bedroom. Not just for Dawn's sake, but for all of us," she says, giggling as Tara shoots her a mock glare.

I can't help but laugh. This whole thing is a riot. I sit back in the chair and open my can of Coke, shaking my head at how fucking surreal this whole thing is. How has my life changed so much in less than a year? I could chalk it up to all that I've been through, even before I came here to take over where Buffy left off, but it's so much more than that. I have friends that genuinely care about me now and that alone is still hard for me to wrap my head around. Less than a year ago they all hated me and now we're sitting around talking like we're old friends. Even if things between me and Buffy weren't where they are now, I know things would still be the same.

I stay there with Willow and Tara for about another hour before I head out, but not after I promise Tara I'd be here tomorrow morning when she's released. I head to Giles' apartment, desperately needing a shower and a change of clothes before I head to the Bronze for a short night shift later.

Giles is sitting at the desk when I let myself in and I know right off the bat he hasn't slept all night. He's got a dozen books open and he's scribbling something down in his little notebook, oblivious to the fact that I just walked in. he's playing one of his old records too, a bit loudly and I sneak around behind him and tap him on the shoulder.

"Faith!" Giles shrieks and I can hardly contain my laughter. He scrambles to get up from the chair and turns off the music. "Did you just get in?"

"Yeah. I was down at the hospital for a bit. What you working on here?" I ask him as I point to the old books he has on his desk. "Still researching the First."

"More so the dimension you were sent to with Olivia to kill her," he replies and he sits back down at the desk. "Selwyn called with some information last night. She's afraid there were some complications."

"Complications? The only fucking complication was it feeling like I was only there for an hour at most when I lost two and a half months of my fucking life here, G."

"When they pulled you out, the doorway was left open long enough for something else to come out behind you."

"Something else?"

Giles sighs heavily and pinches the bridge of his nose. He's exhausted and he doesn't have much patience left in him that's for sure. I sit on the stool by the counter and he joins me, sitting on the one next to me. He reaches for a cup of tea that's no doubt cold, but takes a sip anyway.

"Roman. Selwyn has heard that he has managed to escape from that dimension and has gone into hiding. I've been trying to figure out what kind of a dimension this was exactly and how it could've been possible for him to know just where to go to escape. I've determined that while you were there, he was following you and hid his presence well."

"What do we do then? We hunt him down? We can't _kill_ him here, G, and there's no fucking way I'm going back to that place and lose how many more goddamn months of my life."

"There's something else we suspected about Roman. He is a key player when it comes to the First Evil creating its army to bring forth the end of the world. This apocalypse is still very real, Faith. Until he makes his presence known, there's no way for any of us to know when this is all going to be happening."

"What do we do then?"

"We continue to live each day as it comes," he replies. "And any threat, big or small has to be taken with the utmost seriousness. I cannot have you and Buffy failing to be alert on patrol because of your relationship. I know you two were not on patrol last night as you should have been. The vampire activity has increased tenfold and I need you two out there every night keeping it under control."

"We have jobs now, G, and-"

"I am fully aware of that," he says firmly. "But I do know that neither of you were working last night. Four people were killed late last night. Ambushed by a dozen vampires just outside of Restfield."

"What, you want me to feel guilty or something here?"

"You damn well should!"

I stand up from the stool and feel myself shaking in anger as well. I get where he's coming from, but fuck. He shouldn't be trying to make me feel fucking guilty just 'cause me and Buffy skipped out on patrol one night and our luck turned bad just one night and a group of vamps went on a mini killing spree here. I head around into the kitchen and pull out a bottle of water.

"I want you out on patrol tonight."

"I gotta work."

"After your shift, I want you on patrol," Giles says in a clipped, cold tone. "And I do think it's wise if you were to stay out there late. Also, I have already spoken with Buffy and I have told her I do not think it's a good idea for you two to be on patrol together."

"What the fuck, G? Two slayers are better than one!"

"Agreed, but not when you two are carrying on a relationship that is distracting you from your duties! I thought we already discussed this before, Faith? You specifically told me that you would not allow what is happening between you and Buffy to get in the way of your responsibilities as a slayer."

I knew he'd find out we skipped out on patrol last night and I knew I'd have to deal with him today. Doesn't stop me from getting all riled up about it though and not to mention the fact I hate how he's speaking to me, like I'm nothing more than a goddamn child.

As much as I love him, I really hate him right now and it's not just because of what he's saying to me, it's _how_ he's saying it. I try to breathe and stay calm. No point in me blowing up at him over any of this. He is right, but just 'cause he's right doesn't mean I don't have any right to be just as pissed off as he is.

"You were careless the other night."

"I know, G. Fuck. You're trying to make me feel guilty about everything now, ain't ya? What's next? Telling me that moving in with Buffy ain't a good idea either?"

"You are moving in with Buffy?" Giles asks, clearly flustered.

"She asked me last night."

"Are you sure that is a wise decision?"

"G, look," I say and I take a few deep breaths and stay in the kitchen, not trusting myself to move from where I'm standing. "I'm in love with her. We made a mistake ditching patrol last night but you don't gotta be up my ass about it, okay?"

"I warned you before when this started with Buffy that you cannot allow it to interfere with your slaying responsibilities. Clearly it has and you just proved that last night."

"What do you want me to say, G? Other than I'm sorry? That it won't happen again?" I ask him, not able to keep my calm as best as I had hoped I could. "You may be my Watcher, or stepping in and acting like one and you may have been there when I needed someone that wasn't Angel, but that gives you no right to basically tell me that my relationship with Buffy can't keep going on since it's interfering with my slaying responsibilities!"

"I did not say-"

"For the first time in my goddamn life I've found happiness and finally know what it's like to be in love with someone who feels the same way about me. Yes, I get I can't change my life or change the fact that I'm a slayer 'cause I know that will never change, but what I want to do is try to make this relationship work even if it ends up being next to impossible. And there's no fucking way I'm going to let anyone, even you, come between us and make us stop being together because it's _interfering with our slaying responsibilities_."

"Faith, please calm down."

"Calm down, Giles? How the hell am I supposed to calm down?"

Giles sighs as he comes into the kitchen and places the kettle on the stove. "I need you to think with a clear mind, Faith. I understand how much this relationship with Buffy means to you, but I still fear it is clouding your judgement when it comes to your responsibilities as a slayer."

"My judgement is crystal clear," I snap. "Sure, I've made some mistakes, but we all make mistakes. God, I can't believe you still treat me like this and think I'm still the same chick I was years ago when I went all fucking bat-shit crazy on everyone."

I try to storm out of the kitchen but Giles grabs my by the shoulders. "Faith, do calm yourself. I did not intend for this conversation to get out of control as it has. I am just worried about you that is all. I am in no ways trying to tell you to stop seeing Buffy. You make her happy, Faith. We all see it and there is no way I want to see her slip back into the void she was trapped in before you pulled her out. I only want for the both of you to be more vigilant while out on patrol and to keep your erm, other activities for other times that isn't when you should be on patrol."

Other activities? The anger just slipped away and I burst out laughing at that. Giles can be such a prude sometimes. I just shake my head and step back from him, but he doesn't let me get too far before he wraps his arms around me and pulls me in for a tight hug.

"I worry about you. About both of you," Giles whispers before he lets go of me. "Roman is out there, waiting for you. This is why I worry, Faith. He's out there waiting."

"For what?"

"Vengeance."

"All 'cause I killed that bitch Olivia?" I ask and Giles nods his head. "But there's more, isn't there?"

"Indeed there is, but for now we need to figure out where he is hiding and why he is waiting. He may be waiting for the right moment to make a move which is why I need you and Buffy to be alert on patrol and elsewhere at all times."

"Does Angel know about what's going on?" I ask him and he nods a little and takes the whistling kettle off the stove. "What's he got to say about that?"

"Nothing at all," Giles replies. "He has informed me he will stay in touch and will alert us of anything he hears about Roman and the First."

I don't like the tone in his voice, but I gotta let it go. If it comes down to it, I'll make another trip down to LA to talk to Angel myself. Giles offers me a cup of tea which I refuse. I need to shower and possibly get an hour of sleep in before I head off to work. I head straight for the bathroom and grab a clean towel out of the closet. I hear the phone ring before I even get into the bathroom and I take a minute just to listen to whoever Giles is talking to.

He's talking in short, clipped words and there's no way for me to know who he's talking to without picking up the other phone and listening in. I strain to listen a little harder. From the nature of the conversation, I can tell he's talking business, slayer business. I shake it off, knowing I ain't gonna find out who he's talking to this way. I head into the bathroom and lock the door once it's shut.

I turn on the water, watching as the steam quickly fills the room. I strip out of my clothes and step under the hot spray of the water. I got a lot on my mind, not just with what just went down with Giles, but when it comes to the choice I made with what Buffy had asked me. I don't need to ask myself twice if that's what I really want. It'll be a huge adjustment, that's one thing I'm sure about. Aside from being here with Giles, I haven't ever lived with anyone that wasn't my dead-beat drunk mother and that didn't turn out so great in the end either.

I don't even realize until the water has run cold that I've been in the shower just standing there thinking for over an hour. I groan and shut off the taps and grab the towel as I step out of the tub. I'm shaking from the cold, but I shrug it off as I use the towel to dry my cold wet skin. I grab my watch off the sink and realize I don't have much more time until I gotta high-tail it to the Bronze to start my shift.

Giles is passed out on the couch when I come out of the bathroom and I take the stairs two at a time up to the bedroom. I ransack through my clothes and find something clean. The leather pants fit me like a glove and they feel so damn good, but it isn't until I look in the mirror once I pull on my black leather jacket that it dawns on me I haven't worn this "outfit" since before I turned myself in.

The old Faith stands there in the reflection, but the hardness is gone. The cockiness, some of the stubbornness and the swagger is gone. On the outside I'm _her_, but on the inside I'm _me_. I feel this overwhelming feeling and a smile curls over my lips. I grab a few weapons and head out the door with a plan in mind.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter Thirty-Five**

I lean against the wall behind the Doublemeat Palace and check my watch for the hundredth time in the last hour. Buffy should be off soon. It's late and the place is just about to shut down for the night. I know what Giles said about us patrolling together, but fuck that. We're better as a team than going solo and I ain't waiting until one of us gets seriously hurt to prove that to him.

The lights go off in the building and I hear voices to the left as the few last employees leave for the night. I smile when I hear Buffy laugh and I push myself off the wall as she turns the corner and walks past. She stops short when she sees me and she walks right up to me and wraps her arms around me in a tight hug.

"Faith, what are you doing here?"

"Thought I could walk you home," I say with a little wink. Her coworkers she exited the building with are staring at us, looking at us like we just spouted a second head.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow," Buffy says to them and they nod wearily, looking at me like they don't trust me. "It's okay. She's just a friend of mine."

"Goodnight, Buffy," the girl says and she pulls the other with her as they head towards the last car in the parking lot.

"Just a friend, B?" I ask as I take a step back from her. "Thought we were past all that?"

"We are, I just-it's different with people we know, Faith."

"I get it."

I don't, but I'm not in the mood to get into this with her tonight.

I catch Buffy checking me out. Can't blame her. I look _hot_ in leather pants and I know it. I smirk as I reach for her hand and pull her close to me. I want to kiss her, to take her right here, right now, but I know I also gotta control myself. This isn't what I came here for. Well, not entirely, but that's not the point. I give her a soft kiss, pulling back before she can get too into it.

"What's with the outfit?" Buffy asks as I start walking towards the street, intertwining my fingers with hers.

"You don't like the outfit, B?"

"Not what I said."

"Leather is more durable when slaying," I reply with a shrug. "Plus it helped me get a lot of tips tonight at the Bronze. Gary had me covering the bar for a few hours."

"Oh."

"I got a few extra stakes," I say and I reach into my jacket and pull one out. "Didn't know if you had anything on you tonight."

Buffy takes the offered stake and places it in the pocket of her jacket. We walk down the street, headed in the direction of Restfield and her house. Something feels a little off about her tonight. I want to ask her what's going on with her, but I also don't wanna get into this out here in the open either. I wanna chalk it up to her being tired, but I _know_ it's a helluva lot more than that.

Something feels different about tonight too and it's not just from the weird vibes I'm feeling coming off Buffy here either. We head into the cemetery and there's a fog hanging low to the ground, making the place feel creepier than it normally is. Buffy is a walking target with her Doublemeat Palace uniform on. The orange pants practically have her glowing. As if she just read my damn mind, she tells me to hang back while she changes into clothes a little more suitable for slaying. I don't protest with her as she disappears behind a mausoleum.

I hop up on one of the larger headstones and light a cigarette. I keep my eyes and ears open. Stay alert, stay alive. It's dead quiet in here tonight and I know quiet isn't always a good thing either. The only sounds I hear is Buffy as she zips up her pants and the shuffling sounds of her shoving her uniform into her backpack.

"You okay, B?" I ask her when she joins me, dropping her bag near the headstone.

"Long day," she sighs heavily and adjusts her jacket a little. She's wearing what I can only describe as an outfit that matches mine, right down to the black leather pants, the boots, and the jacket. I let out a low whistle as I hop off the headstone. "What?"

"What?" I repeat, smirking as I check her out. "Just admiring the outfit, girlfriend. Been a long time since I seen ya wear leather."

"Like you said, leather is more durable," she replies with a soft chuckle. "And it was the only thing that wasn't in the hamper."

"What, like the vamps are gonna care if you're wearing skanky smelling clothes," I laugh and she punches me a little too hard in the shoulder. "That why you were going on about my clothes tonight, B? I think it's kinda cute. We match."

Buffy rolls her eyes, but she's smiling that cute little smile of hers. I know we shouldn't just be standing around here like this, flirting and whatever, but I can't seem to help it now that I'm around her. Starting to get what Giles was going on about earlier and I'll be damned if I'm gonna prove he was right by slipping up tonight.

Before I can say anything, Buffy has a hold of my head and her lips are on mine. I kiss her back just as eagerly. When she stops, she doesn't quite pull away and I feel her mouth "behind you" before she plants a soft, light kiss on my lips as I reach for the stake in my jacket pocket.

Buffy lets go of me right before I spin around and just miss the vamp that's stalking us. He manages to clock me in the head and sends me sprawling to the ground and it feels like the wind just got knocked outta me. I gasp, trying to breathe as I struggle to get to my feet. I watch Buffy roundhouse kick the vamp and it stuns him long enough for her to run over to me to help me get up from the ground.

"You okay?"

"Five by five," I groan as I touch the side of my head and feel the blood just above my temple. "You take that one. I got the other."

I motion to the other vamp now headed straight for us. Buffy nods her head and charges after the first one while I clutch at my chest, still struggling to catch my breath. The second vamp is a newbie. I can tell from the way it moves and the dirty suit he's wearing. Easy kill.

Or so I thought so until the fucker kicked the stake clear outta my hand. With the fog, I can't see where it landed. I'm quick though and keep my head in the game, sweeping my leg under the vamp's and buy myself a couple of seconds. I look around frantically for Buffy and I don't see her or the vamp she's fighting. I fight off the panic that's trying to settle in and make itself at home and I spot my stake on the ground not too far from me.

The vamp growls as he lunges towards me and I dive to the ground, grabbing my stake as I roll and jump to my feet. I don't wanna screw around with this one, but it's not like this fucker is giving me much of a choice here. He's too quick for a newbie, but not too quick for me. I throw a couple of punches his way, aiming for his face in hopes of slowing him down. He claws at my shoulder, his sharp nails ripping right through my jacket and barely scraping the skin.

I grab him by his jacket and thrown him down to the ground and plunge the stake into his heart. I pant heavily and the panic starts to set up shop once again. Fucker didn't even turn to dust and I got him square in the heart. I pull the stake out as he throws me off him and I land on the ground hard.

Something tells me this isn't a vampire.

I'm on my feet again and I charge at him. It's a struggle to get him to the ground and this time instead of going for the heart, I go for the head. I plunge the stake into his forehead and he collapses beneath me, gurgling and sputtering for a second before he stills completely.

"Faith!" Buffy yells and I look around for her. I can't see her but I take off in a run in the direction of her voice. "Faith, they're not vampires!"

"No shit, B! They're fucking zombies or something!" I yell and I head into a small patch of trees and spot her just up ahead. The one she was fighting has her pinned to the ground and she's struggling to fight him off. I grab him by the back of his jacket and throw him off her.

"I staked him and nothing happened!"

"Go for the head!" I yell and I pull the knife out from my back pocket and toss it to her. I grab him and toss him towards Buffy and she plunges the knife into his head. She pushes him away, pulling the knife out and kicks him to the ground. "Jesus," I groan as Buffy hands the knife back to me. "What the hell?"

"That's exactly what I want to know! What the hell are those things?"

"Zombies."

"No," she says as she shakes her head. "Whatever those things are, they are not zombies. They're nothing I've ever seen before."

"You wanna hightail it outta here, B?"

"No," she says with a shake of her head and we head back to where she left her bag. "If there's a few, there's more. We shouldn't leave until we're sure there's not anything else around here tonight."

"Giles give you the talk too?" I mutter and she stops short and turns to look at me.

"What talk?"

"Gonna take that as a no then."

"Faith," Buffy says as she starts after me and grabs my arm. "What did he say to you?"

"Lots of things. Now ain't the time to get into it though."

"What did he say to you?"

"Told me it's best we not be out on patrol together. We're a distraction. Said our relationship is distracting us from our slaying responsibilities and basically almost told me it isn't a good idea we're together."

"What the hell?" Buffy says angrily and I keep walking back to where she left her bag. "Faith, what the hell?!"

"He started in on me when I headed back there to shower before my shift. Let's just say it ain't a conversation I want to be having again anytime soon."

"Faith-"

"Four people died last night, B," I say as I stop and turn to face her fully. "We should've stayed out last night, but 'cause we couldn't control that insatiable urge to fuck each other's brains out, four fucking innocent people _died_."

"Do _not_ put that on your conscience, Faith. Just don't. It isn't our fault!"

"Maybe it isn't, maybe it is, B. All I know is maybe Giles is kinda right. What we have going on between us is distracting us from what we're supposed to be doing out here on patrol and that's killing the dead things and demons and whatever the _fuck_ those things are."

"What are you saying then?"

"What I'm saying is when we're out here, we do our job."

Buffy sighs and grabs her backpack from the ground. "Fine," she says with a huff. "We'll do our job. Prove him wrong that we're not a distraction when we're slaying together."

"He told me something else too, B."

"What?"

"Roman escaped from that hell dimension when Willow and Selwyn pulled me outta there."

Buffy shakes her head as she heads off deeper into the cemetery. I follow but keep my distance since something tells me she's even more pissed and shocked than I was when Giles told me about Roman. Then again, he just threw it in that conversation and backpedalled into lecturing me about my relationship with Buffy and slaying responsibilities.

I hear growling behind us and I don't stop. I jog to catch up with Buffy and motion behind us. She just nods and I hold on to the knife as she rummages through her bag and pulls out a small dagger. We need better weapons, sharper and bigger knives that what we got. Buffy tosses her bag into some bushes and we turn around to face five vamp-zombie hybrids. We're outnumbered, but I ain't worried. I know we can take them easily if we do it quick.

We stand at the ready, letting them come to us. I hear a yell and out of nowhere Spike comes flying towards them, jumping from on top a mausoleum and knocks them to the ground. Can't say I'm not relieved to see him. Three against five gives us a better fighting chance.

"Spike! In the head!" Buffy yells as she throws her dagger towards him. He catches it with ease and gets the one to his right.

"What in the bloody hell are these things?" Spike yells as he turns to stab another in the head and pushes it off him.

"Not vampires," Buffy says as she and I join him at his side as the remaining three stand there growling and snarling but stay where they are. "Definitely not vampires."

"I can see that, love, but what _are_ they?"

"Don't know," I answer for her. "All I know is we gotta kill 'em."

"Good thing I brought one of these," Spike says with a chuckle as he unsheathes a broadsword from inside his long trench coat. "Knew it'd come in handy tonight."

We move towards the remaining three. I hold my knife tight in my hand, ready for anything now. Yet, they don't move and it almost looks like they can't. I look over at Buffy and Spike and they both just shrug as we move closer.

I make the first move and go flying into the fray. I jam my knife into the one I lunged myself at first and kick it down, pulling the knife out and feeling my stomach churn at the sickening squelch. The other two are on me now and I frantically try to fight them off. I look over at Buffy and Spike, wondering what the hell they're holding back for, but they're fighting four others that have decided to join the party.

The one on top of me is snarling as it tries to eat my face, the other is clawing at my legs as I kick at it to get it away. I push back at the one on top of me, but the fucker is stronger than most things I've fought before. I manage to get it away from me just long enough to plunge the knife through its right eye.

I scream in pain as the one at my legs digs its claws into my thigh and rips away the leather and takes some of my skin with it. I scramble backwards quickly and get to my feet. The pain in my right leg kills like a bitch and I hobble my way backwards, trying to stand my ground at the vampire-zombie makes a move right for me.

"Jesus!" I yell as Spike takes a swing at its head with his sword and it drops to the ground.

"Faith, we gotta get out of here now!" Buffy yells as she comes running towards us.

"Oh shit," I groan when I see a herd of these things coming through the cemetery straight for us.

Buffy helps me as we make our way through the cemetery as quickly as we can. Spike is ahead of us, leading the way to where I know his crypt is. It's not where I wanna be right now, but we might not have much of a choice. We can fortify ourselves in there and make a run for it through the sewers.

I keep looking back and we're outrunning the herd, but not by much. It don't help I can't run, can barely walk with my right thigh all shredded to bits. Spike kicks down the door to his crypt and Buffy pulls me inside. She lets me fall to the ground while she helps Spike move a few heavy coffins in front of the door to barricade it.

I'm shaking as I try to inspect the damage to my leg. It's bad but it's not as bad as it feels. The bleeding has already slowed and I know if that fucker went any deeper I probably would be out there left for dead.

"Faith," Buffy says as she kneels on the ground next to me. Spike lights a candle and brings if over, kneeling next to me as well. "It's bad."

"Could be worse," I say under my breath and she rips away my pants to closer inspect the wound. "These pants are definitely a write off."

"Spike, do you have a first aid kit?" Buffy asks and he nods and heads down the hole to the lower half of the crypt. "Faith, how bad does it hurt?"

"Kills like a bitch, but look, it's already stopped bleeding. Ain't that bad, B. Give me a night and I'll be halfway to as good as new."

"Come on," she says as she helps me up to my feet. "We can't stay up here."

I groan as she helps me down into the hole and over to Spike's bed. She rips the entire right leg off as Spike brings over the first aid kit. She rummages through it quickly and pulls out the antiseptic. I grip at the bedspread as she pours it over the gash in my leg and force myself not to scream out in pain. She's shaking as she tries to clean the wound and I catch the tears in her eyes as she wraps it with gauze.

"B, I'm okay," I whisper as I lean up and reach for her. I wipe away the tears that fall with my thumbs and she shakes her head. "Just a scratch. Don't worry, baby."

"I hate this," she whispers as she tossed the roll of gauze back into the plastic box. "I really hate this, Faith."

"I know," I say and I pull her close and kiss her softly. "I'm okay though, B. Just a scratch okay? Looks worse than it is."

We look towards the hole as we hear the pounding upstairs. Spike moves quickly, using what he can to block the way down in case they get in upstairs. My heart is racing and Buffy moves to sit next to me, holding tight on to my hand.

"We need to get outta here," I say to her as Spike walks past us and pulls out his weapon trunk. "Spike, ya got access to the sewers down here, right?"

"Yeah, over there," he says as he points to the far wall with a gaping hole. "Not sure how far we'll make it before they get in. Here," he says as he hands us each a broadsword. "Better than those little knives you been using."

"Can you move?" Buffy asks and I get up from the bed. My leg still kills like a bitch, but it's throbbing less than it was since Buffy cleaned and patched me up. "Spike, how far is it to Giles'?"

"Couple miles underground. Be quicker if we get up out on the street and go that way."

"Lead the way," I say to him and I grab a flashlight off the dresser and turn it on.

Buffy slides an arm around me, helping me walk as we follow Spike to the hole in the wall that leads right into the sewer system. We move as quickly as we can and come to a stop when we reach a ladder that leads up to the street. Spike goes first, removing the manhole cover and Buffy helps boost me up. I climb up to the street and reach down for her hand and pull her up.

Spike leads the way through the streets. We keep our eyes peeled and I feel a little relieved there's nothing within sight. Giles' place is lit up and we walk right in. Spike slams the door shut and stands there while Buffy helps me over to the couch. Giles comes running down from the bedroom armed with a sword and he lets out a sigh of relief to find it's only us there.

"It's chaos out there," Spike mutters and he quickly runs around the apartment, turning off all the lights. "Bloody fucking chaos!"

I get up from the couch and move to the window to look out into the courtyard. A few of the vampire-zombie creatures are milling about, but not really doing anything else other than shuffling around, moaning and groaning and snarling at one another.

"What is going on, Giles?" Buffy asks and he sighs heavily as he sits down in his armchair. "Giles?"

"Roman brought forth these creatures," Giles replies quietly. "It appears that doorway he escaped from in that hell dimension remained open, but only can these creatures be summoned by him."

"How many are there?" I ask and Spike moves to the front door to peer through the side window.

"Dozens, if not more," he replies. "And they just keep coming!"

"Giles, we can't stay here," I say and he shakes his head no. "We gotta get outta here. Now."

"We can't. The only thing we can do is wait for morning."

"Does sunlight kill 'em like it does to vamps?"

"From my understanding, sunlight does not kill them but rather only just slows them down. We'll have more of a chance at dawn to outrun them."

"Oh god," Buffy groans as she sits next to me. "The others. We got to make sure they're safe."

"I spoke with Willow before the phone lines went down a half hour ago," Giles says and I'm surprised at how fucking calm he's being right now. "She and the others are at the hospital with Tara. She cast a protection spell around the room and informed me it may just hold out until the morning."

I put an arm around Buffy and she leans in to me, sobbing softly as she buries her face into my neck. Even in the darkness I can see Giles watching us, the expression on his face unreadable. I get this feeling though he's still thinking of our conversation earlier.

* * *

><p>None of us sleep all night. Spike stayed at the front door, waiting and watching, standing guard if any of those hell dimension monsters decided to come crashing through to kill us all. At the first rays of dawn, Spike heads underground and Buffy and I pile into Giles' car and he drives straight over to the hospital. The streets are empty, but the evidence of the chaos the night before is all over. Dead bodies litter the street, most ripped up to shreds. It's a sight not even a slayer can stomach.<p>

The hospital is barricaded, but we get through and head straight up to Tara's room. The hospital looks deserted and its dark, not even the emergency generators are running. The only light on the floor Tara is on is the blue hue around the door. Giles makes a run for it down the hallway while Buffy and I trail behind. I'm not limping near as much as last night, but I still ain't in any condition to be running-or fighting right now.

"Giles!" Buffy screams as he reaches for the door and is thrown backwards. Likely by the spell Willow put up. "Giles, are you okay?"

"Fine," he mutters as he struggles to sit up. "Get them to open that door. Now."

I walk over to the door, keeping my distance. I can feel the hum from the spell and it's still strong. I bang on the wall next to the door where there is no blue light and I wait for any kind of response from inside the room. Nothing. Groaning in frustration, I go to the room next door and head over to the window. It's shattered and the bed is half hanging out. I peer out and see there's a foot wide ledge that runs all around the wall. Without even thinking, I climb out and make my way across the ledge to the room the Scoobs are holed up in.

"Let us in!" I yell into the window, careful not to touch it. I can see them inside, all sitting around looking scared out of their minds. "Willow! Take the spell down!"

"Faith, what are you doing? Are you crazy?!" Buffy yells as she sticks her head out the window.

"They can't hear us in there, B," I say and a gust of wind makes me feel unsteady on my feet. "This spell is blocking everything!"

"We have to try something!"

"What you think I was doing out here? Getting some fresh air?"

I start waving my hands like a complete idiot trying to get their attention. All I need is for one of them to look out the damn window before I fall to my death here. Finally after a minute Xander looks over at the window and I breathe a sigh of relief. I make my way back to the other window and Buffy all but pulls me in soon as I'm within arms reach of her.

"Don't _ever_ do something that stupid again."

"B, I got their attention."

"If you fell, Faith-"

"But I didn't fall," I cut in and she groans before slapping me lightly across the face. Before she can slap me again I grab her hand and pull her in. I kiss her 'cause I don't know what else to do. It feels like she melts into my arms and she kisses me back, hard. I push her back after a minute and sigh as I rest my forehead against hers. "Come on, B, gotta get the others and get the hell outta dodge here."

We head to the room just as the others are coming out, Willow pushing Tara in a wheelchair. Everyone is quiet and I know nobody is trying to panic here. There's no sense in panicking now. There's time for that later when we're safe.

We can't all fit in Giles' car so we split up. I go with Xander, Anya and Dawn while Buffy stays with Willow and Tara. We make plans to meet up at the Summers' house within fifteen minutes. Max. We're the first to arrive at the house in less than ten minutes and I make my way inside, checking every inch of the house that I can to make sure it's safe. Xander is already nailing boards over the windows he found in the basement and Anya is pacing in the kitchen when I make my way down from upstairs.

"We can't stay here!" Anya says as Xander comes into the kitchen to board up the window and the back door. "Xander, we _can't_ stay here!"

"Where are we supposed to go, Ahn?"

"Anywhere but here!"

I shake my head and leave the two of them in the kitchen and make my way to the front door. Every step I take now kills like a bitch, but I fight through the pain. I've been through worse. Way worse. This is _nothing_ compared to what I've been through before. Buffy comes through the door a few minutes later and the others are right behind her.

"Everything is secure but the front door, Buff," Xander says as he joins us in the living room. "We're all here. Should we board it up?"

"We wait for Spike," she says as she crosses her arms over her chest. I give her a look and she scoffs. "We wait for him. For sundown."

"And what do we do until then?" Dawn asks as she and Willow sit on the couch holding each other. "What do we do until then?"

"We figure out what the hell is going on, that's for one thing," I say and Giles seems to be the only one who agrees with me. "We figure out how to stop this and stop those…things before they overrun the entire town. B, we're gonna need supplies. Food. Weapons, the like. And we're gonna need a plan."

Everyone is looking at me, waiting for me to come up with the plan for them. Gotta say I'm not used to being the one everyone looks to, especially not since Buffy has been back. That's always been her thing.

Guess it's mine now…


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter Thirty-Six**

Four days have gone by since we barricaded ourselves in the Summers' house. Four fucking days. Me and Buffy went on a few runs around town to stock up on supplies every morning at sunrise when things seemed to be at its calmest. Whatever these things are, no matter how many we kill in the hour we go out each night at dusk, they just keep on coming. The kicker is that they're no longer dressed as humans, but running naked through the streets killing and terrorizing what's left of the human population in Sunnydale.

At least it makes it easier for us when we're out there to kill them. That's one upside outta this whole fucked up mess.

With the power being out for three days now, phone lines down longer than that, it's made things a little crazy. No more hot showers, not since the gas stopped working two days ago. People are getting cranky and it's a bit fucking cramped in the house.

"Morning," Buffy says as she joins me and Anya in the kitchen. It's not early, but it's barely noon. None of us have been sleeping too good these past few days. How can we with those fucking _creatures_ out on the streets? "Is there coffee?"

"Sure, let me just brew up a pot," Anya replies sarcastically and she points to the portable camp stove Xander nabbed from the neighbour's house. "Heat the water yourself, Buffy."

"God, I hate instant coffee."

"B," I say softly as I place my hand on her back. "How'd you sleep?"

"Barely. I woke up and you weren't there. Did you sleep at all?"

"No," I say with a shake of my head. "Been up on the roof on watch since two."

"Any sign of a decrease?"

"Barely. They've stayed away from the house at least," I reply and she sighs heavily as she fills the kettle and places is on the little camp stove.

"Oh my god," Anya groans and she slams her fists down on the island counter. "I'm supposed to be getting married next week! Why couldn't these things have decided to show up here_ after_ the wedding?"

"Shit happens," I shrug and she storms out of the kitchen. "What's her deal?"

"She's been looking forward to the wedding, Faith."

"Guess I started tuning her and wedding talk out a while ago," I reply, laughing softly as I wrap my arms around her. "What's the plan for today, babe?"

"Same as the last four days. We keep watch and make a run for more supplies around noon."

"Think we can get some time alone?" I whisper into her ear as I slide my hands down to cup her ass. She squeals a little but doesn't pull away. "Think we can escape down to the basement? We could kick Spike out for a couple hours and…" I trail off as I kiss along her neck.

Buffy moans as I move my hands up and cup her braless breasts through her t-shirt. I can't help it. I'm on edge here and it's been days since I last had her. I _need_ her. She's like a fucking drug. The way she responds to me makes me want so much more and we haven't had the luxury of being alone long enough to do anything in the last four days. To say its driving me crazy is an understatement.

I kiss her nice and deep as I back her up against the counter. She's not pushing me away and I'm taking it as a sign she's giving in despite the chances of us being interrupted is high.

I slip a hand under her t-shirt and moan against her lips. She's always so soft and so warm. I move my hand up to cup her breast and I feel her nipple harden against my palm. Now I really want to be alone with her and strip her naked, but I gotta control myself and my urges right now. It's getting harder though as the days go on.

"Faith," she moans as she pushes me back a little. She takes a few deep breaths and I half expect her to pull my hand out from under her shirt. I give her nipple a little pinch and she rolls her hips into mine as she grips my hips and pulls me impossibly closer to her. "Let's go upstairs."

"Your bedroom door doesn't have a strong enough lock on it," I remind her and she groans in frustration.

"No," she says as a smile slowly curls over her lips. "But the bathroom does."

"Buffy, we need you up on the roof," Xander says as he walks into the kitchen. I pull my hand out from under Buffy's shirt quickly, but it doesn't make a difference, he's already caught us. "Uh, sorry, guys, but you both really need to get up on the roof and check out the situation that's happening a block over right now."

"What's going on?" I ask as we follow him up the stairs and over to the pull down stairs to the attic. Xander cut out and fitted a trap door to the roof the other day just so we could go up there with ease on watch. "Xander?" I ask again and he just shakes his head as we get up on the roof.

"There are thousands of them," he says and hands me the binoculars and points in the direction I should be looking. "I've been on watch since you went downstairs, Faith. I haven't even been up here that long and out of nowhere they just started coming out of everywhere."

"Shit," I say as I see the thousands milling about, wandering all over the street just barely a block over. "Here, B," I hand her the binoculars so she can see for herself. "We need to deal with this."

"How, Faith?" Buffy asks as she hands the binoculars back to Xander. "How can we deal with this when we can barely fight a dozen on our own? Spike isn't much use to us during the day either and I am not putting our friends in danger to deal with this situation."

"What happens when they make their way over here, B? What then? They overrun the house and we're as good as dead."

"I don't know, Faith!"

"We need guns," I say under my breath as I crouch down on the roof and try to take a few deep, calming breaths. "We need some guns with range on them. Pick out as many as we can from right here, bring their numbers down before they do make it over here."

"And where do you expect to find these guns?"

"Town is empty 'cept for us and maybe a dozen others who refused to leave," I say and I stand back up and look at both Buffy and Xander. "When we went out to get supplies yesterday, the police station was empty. I vote we go there and grab us a couple guns, stock up."

"We're vampire slayers, Faith. We don't use guns, ever."

"Well, we oughta start 'cause what's out there right now ain't fucking vampires!"

"Buffy, she's right," Xander cuts in. "We need guns and a _lot_ of ammo. We got a better chance at taking these things out before they get too close for comfort."

I place a finger to my lips as I spot a stray wandering down the street. I pick up the crossbow, load it and aim. There's not a whole lot of range on this crossbow and it's all in the timing and distance. I wait until the vampire-zombie freak gets a little closer before I shoot it down, the arrow hitting it square between the eyes.

"We definitely need guns," I say as I place it back down on the flat part of the roof. "And a shitload of ammo. We're running outta arrows and these things don't get far. We can't take all those out with one or two crossbows here."

"Faith has a point, Buff," Xander says and Buffy only sighs heavily as she opens the door and hops inside.

"B?" I say as I follow her inside and stop her from going down to the second floor. "What gives?"

"You do make a good point, Faith, but my question is wouldn't the sound of the guns going off attract even more of them to us?"

"Maybe," I shrug. "But the least we can do is be a little better prepared here, don'tcha think?"

Buffy doesn't say anything and follows me downstairs. I find Giles in the dining room pouring over the books we grabbed from his place the other day. I clear the plan with him and he's on board with stocking up on guns and ammo, saying it'd be our best shot at surviving this until we can figure out how to eliminate this new threat completely.

The one thing that bugs me is the fact Buffy is pretty much against this idea. I get where she's coming from, but we do need to be able to protect ourselves and having guns with plenty of ammo is the only way we can do that. We can't fight each one in hand-to-hand combat or use a crossbow on them as we have been when one or two get too close to the house. It's just not safe. Not for any of us.

* * *

><p>Xander is driving through the empty streets while I sit in the passenger seat, the crossbow on my lap and a stash of arrows next to me. Buffy is in the backseat with the only other crossbow we have. She hasn't said one damn word since we got in the car.<p>

"Take a left," I say to Xander and he looks at me, confused.

"That's the long way."

"Yeah, but look," I say as I point up ahead. Just barely out of sight there's a whole herd of these things blocking the street. "Unless ya got a death sentence, Xander, you'll take a left and go the long way."

He groans and makes a left, heading down a side street and taking the long way to the police station. We make it there without running into any of those vampire-zombie hybrids and Xander parks in the back. We get out and slowly, quietly, we make our way to the back door. It's locked but no locked door has ever stopped me before. I kick the door right in the right spot and it flies open, hitting the wall behind it with a loud bang.

"Come on, let's move," I say as I run down the long hallway, looking for the room where the weapons are stored all the while keeping my eyes open and ears peeled in case any of those things are lurking about in here. Or if there are survivors.

We get separated, but I'm not worried. Buffy and Xander know how to protect themselves if it comes down to it. Well, Buffy does, but I'm not worried about Xander too much. He knows how to fight and has proven that on patrol before many times, even if he is a little sloppy and does tend to freak out like a little girl when something sneaks up behind him.

I head down to the basement. It's dark and of course the backup generators aren't even running. I flick my lighter on and do a quick search, stopping when I find what we came here for. It's locked. Locked beyond slayer strength. I head back upstairs and run into Buffy and Xander.

"Any luck?" Xander asks and I nod.

"It's locked and I can't break it. We gotta find a key to open the door."

"A key?"

"Yeah," I say slowly. "A key, Xander. There's no way we're breaking in that room without a key, so start looking."

Buffy follows me to the area where all the desks are. I start rifling through all the drawers, turning up empty aside from a few handguns I nab and put in the duffle bag I brought along. They're all empty, but I know once we find that damn key, there'll be plenty of ammo.

"Um, Faith?" Buffy calls out from across the room and I look over at her. It's a bit dark in here aside from the sun streaming in through the front windows. She's standing by a tallboy and has one door ripped clear off the thing. "I found some keys."

I jog over to where she's standing and check out the array of keys hung up on the door that's still attached to the tallboy. "Damn," I say with a smirk and start scanning over them. Some are labelled, some aren't.

"Which one do we pick?"

"We need to find some kind of master key," I reply and I shake my head. "Definitely not gonna find one of those in here. Come on, let's keep looking."

"Faith?" Buffy says with a chuckle and she holds up a single key on a key ring with a keychain hanging off it. "It says "master" right on it."

"Damn, always knew the cops here were dumb as fuck. Didn't think they'd be this dumb," I laugh as I snatch the key out of her hand. "Come on, let's find Xander, stock up, and haul ass."

We find Xander in a kitchen just off the main room, rifling through the cupboards and grabbing anything that's still good and stuffing them in his duffle bag. We head downstairs and I unlock the storage room. I laugh as we walk into a fully stocked armory. Even the lights are working in the room when I flick on the switch.

"Grab everything you guys can," I say as I head straight for the high-powered rifles. I grab them all and search for another bag. I find one and stuff it full of ammo. Buffy's duffle bag is packed full with handguns and ammo and Xander is grabbing more ammo, stuffing it in with the small amount of food he managed to find up in the kitchen.

"We need to take the rest," Xander says as he points to the other rack of ammo along the far wall. "If we leave it and come back another time, it could be gone."

"Find something to pack it into," I say and I pick up the bag of ammo. Damn, that's heavy. I put the bag over my shoulder and grab the other with the guns inside. "Xander, hurry up."

"I'm looking for a bag!"

"There," I say as I point to one underneath one of the shelves. "Hurry up. We've been making so much fucking noise in here we're definitely attracting some of those fuckers this way to have lunch."

Buffy helps Xander grab the rest of the ammo and we make our way upstairs, leading Xander through the darkness. I can just barely make out the walls and the stairs up ahead. I feel weighed down carrying the bags and I know Buffy is feeling it too, carrying both bags with the ammo after Xander couldn't carry it ten feet without dropping it.

I lead the way up the stairs and towards the back door. I motion for them to hang back as I peer outside. We're in the clear but I know we won't be for very long. Xander pops the trunk and we toss the bags in and jump in the car just as about a dozen vampire-zombies come into the parking lot.

"Move," I say to Xander and he doesn't even blink as he climbs into the back seat as I slide in behind the wheel. I start up the car and gun it, flying outta the parking lot and hitting three of those fuckers on the way out.

With the adrenaline pumping through my veins, somehow I end up making a wrong turn and take us far outta the way. When the car comes to a sudden stop, I hit the steering wheel hard as I check the gas gauge. Empty.

"Been running on fumes since ya told me to take that left," Xander says from the back seat.

"Fuck," I groan and I look around the street. It's empty. For now.

"We're about a mile from a gas station," Xander says and I groan again. "And there's no guarantee there's even going to be any gas left, not after the way people in this town fled."

I try to let the adrenaline clear so I can think about what the hell we're gonna do next. We could walk the mile to the gas station, but Xander has a point. There might not even be any gas left and we'll be stranded. Walking back to the house isn't happening, not from this side of town. And I know one of us will have to stay with the car and the weapons locked in the trunk. There's no telling what kind of people are left in this town and we _need_ those guns.

"Faith?" Buffy says as she places a hand on my shoulder, pulling me from my thoughts. "What do you think we should do?"

"Trying to figure it out."

"I'll stay behind," she says and I shake my head no. "Faith, I know we can't just leave the car here and we can't leave Xander alone. No offense, Xander."

"None taken."

"So what, you'll just let me walk the mile to the gas station with high hopes that there's actually gas left?"

"Or," Buffy says and she turns in her seat and points behind us. "You could check that Mustang. It might have some gas in it. Maybe just enough to get us home. You could syphon some out."

"Not gonna happen," I reply with a laugh. "Those cars can't be syphoned of gas. But," I say as I smile and reach for the door handle, "maybe I can hotwire it or we get lucky and some tool left the keys in there for us."

I hop out of the car and take a quick look around. The street is still empty. I make my way to the silver Mustang about a hundred yards back and I look back at the car and see that Xander and Buffy are watching me. I check the car out, walking around it once to check for any damage. There is none that I can see and I sigh in relief. The relief is only temporary when I find both doors are locked. I kick in the driver's side window and unlock the door. I look back at the car again and then around the street before I wipe off the glass from the seat and get in.

I check the visors for keys, the glove box and under the seats for a set of keys, or even a spare. All I find is a small toolbox and I pull out a flathead screwdriver. I jam it in the ignition and pull the cover off from under the dash. Hotwiring is not a skill I'm proud of, but right about now I'm glad I spent those summers as a kid hanging around the wrong crowd in Southie that taught me a skill that is finally gonna come in handy in hard times like this.

I hear growling and it's getting closer. I look out the windows and see one of those things headed straight for me. I reach in the toolbox for another screwdriver. I kick the door right at the thing before I hop out of the front seat. I swirl the screwdriver in my hand as it just stares at me, drooling a little and likely thinking I'm gonna be its next meal.

And I know if there's one, there'll be more in a matter of minutes. Gotta make this one a quick and quiet fight if I can. I head straight for it and jam the screwdriver into his head right through his left eye. I let it drop to the ground before I hop back into the car and work faster at trying to get the car to start.

"Aha!" I laugh as the lights on the dash light up and I turn the screwdriver I jammed in the ignition and the car turned over. I laugh again as I see this car pretty much has a full tank of gas. I slam the door shut and drive over to Xander's car, the breaks squealing as I hit them a little too hard. "Grab the stuff and let's motor!" I yell at them as I hop outta the car and head around to the trunk to open it.

We move as quickly as we can, loading up the Mustang with the weapons and ammo we lifted from the police station. Xander is moaning about having to leave his car, but I tune him out and help him clear out the bags in the backseat.

"Come on!" I yell at Xander as Buffy gets in the passenger seat of the car. "Move it, Xander!"

He's shaking as he grabs something from the glove box in his car and grabs the keys outta the ignition. He runs over to the driver's door of the Mustang and climbs in the back seat. I hop in, slam the door and put it in drive, turning us around and driving fast through the streets, making damn well sure this time not to make any wrong turns that'll take us outta the way again.

We make it back to the house in one piece, but there are a few vampire-zombies now following us. They're still quite a ways away and we grab the bags of weapons and ammo and head straight for the front door. I kick at it a few times, trying to time the sequence of knocks, a code we made so the others would know it was us on the other side and not any of those creatures-or anything else. I kick at the door again and minutes pass by that feel like hours. Finally the door is opened and Giles holds the door open while we get our asses inside.

"We got incoming," I say to him and I drop the bags I'm carrying and pull out one of the high-powered rifles and a few boxes of ammo. "I'm going up and gonna take them out. B?"

"Yeah?"

"Could use a second shooter up there."

"I-I don't know how to use a gun, Faith!"

"Call it target practice. Gotta get you ready for the big ass herd we got a street over."

She doesn't protest and grabs another rifle identical to mine along with boxes of ammo. Giles and Xander start boarding up the door, nailing and screwing the boards into the door frame and wall. I lead the way up to the attic and up to the roof.

"Won't us shooting those few headed straight for us attract the others?"

I shake my head no. "These guns? Top of the line. Barely make a sound," I reply as I start loading a clip of ammo into the gun. "Just follow my lead, B. Aiming and shooting these things is just like using a crossbow."

"Only it's not."

I shrug and help her load up her clip into her gun and we ready ourselves, laying on our stomachs on the front end of the roof, shielded from view on the street by the trees. We're at an advantage. Nothing can see us up here, but we can see them. I take aim for the first of the now five walking and shuffling down the middle of the street and heading straight for the house.

To my surprise, Buffy takes the shot first and the one I was aiming at drops dead, its head split in two, brain leaking everywhere. Pretty fucking sick.

As we take turns taking out the vampire-zombies from the roof, I can't help but think we should've grabbed these guns four days ago when everyone fled town as fast as they fucking could. Could've saved us a lot of energy and kept our asses from almost being killed if we had these guns sooner. I grab the binoculars as I sit up and make my way back to the platform. I check out the herd of these things a block over and it doesn't look like any of them have heard the shots.

"I'll stay up here and keep watch for a few hours," Buffy says as she steps onto the platform behind me. "Go and get some sleep, Faith."

"Not tired, B."

"Go," she urges and gives me a little push towards the door. "I got it covered, Faith. Just go and get some rest and we'll figure out when we'll take the others out in a couple of hours."

I groan and place the gun down next to Buffy's feet. I give her a quick yet lingering kiss before I head inside. I ain't that tired and I know I still got a few good hours left in me, but I'm not about to argue with Buffy over stupid shit right now.

I head down to Buffy's room-well, technically I guess it's _our_ room now since I've been sleeping in her bed, with and without her the past four days now. I strip out of my clothes as soon as I shut the door and I crawl into bed. Burying my face into the pillow, all I can smell is Buffy and I ain't gonna lie, it drives me a little crazy.

I can hear the others in the house and although they're quiet, I can still hear them talking. I'm used to noise when I have to sleep, comes with the prison package I had for that year. I pull the covers completely over me and over my head, trying to block out the sunlight peeking through the curtains and the rest of the world.

And just like the last four days, I wish for a different world when I wake up, but I already know I'm in for some major disappointment there.

The world isn't changing for the better.

At least not any time in the near future…


	37. Chapter 37

**Author's Notes: To those who think I've turned this into a zombie apocalypse type fic, so not the case. This is just another scenario they are going through for the time being. Blame my over-active muse and the Walking Dead marathon I had while writing these chapters...**

**Chapter Thirty-Seven**

Dusk is on the horizon. Soon, the streets will be crawling with the vampire-zombies looking for their next meal. Luck is on our side now. We got the tools to take them out without having to face them and put our lives at risk.

It's now been six days and we still haven't had the chance to take out the herd still one street over. From the looks of things, they haven't moved and none of us know why. We still picked off at least four dozen that made their way too close to the house, but it's not near enough. We need to kill them all. They just keep on coming, the numbers growing with each day that passes.

Selwyn paid a visit yesterday. She didn't bring any good news, didn't bring any bad news either. Just told us what we already know, that Roman is behind this and if we want to stop this from getting worse, we need to figure out where Roman is hiding out and where he's kept the doorway open to that hell dimension he and Olivia were in.

I scan the street from my spot on the roof. So far the coast is clear, but I know it won't be for long. Got a _long_ night ahead and it's only just starting. I look over as Buffy comes up on the roof carrying two cups of coffee. I smile as I move down to the platform and sit down next to her.

"Thanks," I say with a smile as I take the offered cup of coffee from her.

"Giles wants us downstairs in an hour. Says he has something he needs to talk to us all about."

"Sure."

"Faith?"

I look at her and wait for her to continue. She doesn't. She only sighs heavily before taking a sip of her coffee. She stares down into the mug and shakes her head sadly.

"B, what's up?"

"It's nothing."

"Can't be nothing," I say softly as I place an arm around her. "Talk to me."

"It's been a week," she replies and she keeps her eyes on her mug. "I thought it'd be over by now. I hate this, Faith. These things-what if these things have moved on to another town? We're not going to be able to stop them all."

I hate this side of Buffy. I don't ever tell her that though, but I do. I hate when she feels defeated. Like we don't have a chance in hell in making anything better here. I can't blame her though. There's not much we have been able to do about the vampire-zombie population as of yet. I ain't getting discouraged though. That came and went a few days ago. I know we gotta find Roman and figure out how to shut that doorway to that hell dimension before we can kill them all. That ain't gonna happen until we all come up with some kind of a plan that doesn't end up in one or all of us getting killed in the process.

"We'll figure it out," I say after a few minutes. "I promise ya, no matter what happens, we'll figure it out, okay?"

She nods and lays her head on my shoulder. I can tell she's fighting off the tears I know she wants to let fall but refuses to give in to them. I take a sip of my coffee and grimace. It's strong for instant and tastes nasty. What I wouldn't give to have an actual cup of coffee right now. Or a hot shower and not a quick one in freezing cold water.

We stay sitting like this for a little while until Spike joins us on the roof. He explains he's there to take over watch while Buffy and I head downstairs for the meeting with Giles. We head inside and before we can reach the stairs, Buffy is pulling me into the bathroom and she locks the door behind us. I raise an eyebrow as she lights a candle on the sink.

"I can't stand it anymore," she says as she slowly moves towards me.

"Stand what?" I ask. I know what she's saying, but I want to hear it from her.

I can see the need in her eyes and I can almost feel it too. I tried to stop thinking about how much I wanted her in the last few days since I knew it wasn't happening, but that's all just flown right out the window with the way she's looking at me right now.

Her lips are on mine before she even bothers to answer me. She backs me up against the wall as her hands go under the hem of my shirt and she lifts it up quickly, breaking away from my lips for a second to take it off before she's already working on getting my bra unclasped.

I'm not about to stand here and let her get me naked without getting her naked too. Buffy isn't having it that way. Soon as I try to reach for her shirt, she has my hands pinned against the wall, but not before she slides my bra off and lets it fall to the floor. I breathe heavily as her lips trail down my neck, her fingers tightening around my wrists. She nips at the skin around my collarbone before pulling back to look into my eyes.

I give her a little eyebrow wiggle and she lets go of my hands. I make quick work at getting her shirt and bra off of her and I pull her in to me, kissing her hard before I spin her around and pin her up against the wall. I pull back from her lips and catch that glint in her eyes that just completely drives me wild. Her hands are on my belt, unbuckling it and unzipping my jeans quickly. I shimmy out of them as I get her out of hers. I swear she almost growls as she tackles me to the floor. The tiles are cool against my naked skin, but her body is flaming hot on top of mine.

I want us to take our time, but I know we don't have time for that. I move a hand between our bodies and between her legs. She moans quietly, her lips just a breath away from mine as I slip a finger between her folds. She's so fucking wet and it's driving me insane with need. I tease her for a moment before I spread her wide and pull her down to me.

"Faith," she breathes out as she leans back and grinds herself down against me.

I keep a hold of her hips, setting the pace as I lift my hips from the floor to match her thrusts. I'm so fucking turned on right now I know it won't take much more of this before I cum.

"B, baby," I groan as I watch her grab at her tits. "Harder, baby."

Buffy shudders as she grinds into me harder, our clits bumping with every thrust. I close my eyes as I feel myself toppling over the edge and then I feel her gone from me, out of my grasp. I open my eyes and she's kneeling over me, not touching me, just staring down at me.

"B?" I sit up a little and she pushes me back down to the floor hard. "What are you-"

"I want to taste you," she whispers and she leans down close to my lips and gives my top lip a little quick lick with her tongue. "We don't have much time, but I want to-"

"Sixty-nine the hell outta each other?" I chuckle softly as I grab her hips and flip her over until she's on her back on the floor. "Thought you'd never ask."

I give her a quick kiss, really fucking wishing we weren't doing this in the bathroom and that we had a helluva lot more time than we do. I flip my hair back as I turn around and carefully place each knee on either side of her head. We've done this before, but for some reason Buffy always seems to wait for me to start it. Whatever the reason why, I don't wanna be thinking about it when I got her pussy just inches from my face.

I dive right in, not planning to waste any more of the few precious moments we have alone together right now. I just about lose it when I feel her tongue on my inner thigh, teasing her way to my core as slowly as she can drag it out. I gently scrape my teeth over her sensitive clit and she moans louder than she likely meant to. I don't stop and I suck on her clit as I move two fingers to her hole.

She barely has her tongue inside of me when there's a knock on the door. I tune it out and continue fucking her with my fingers and sucking hard on her clit. The floor is killing my knees, but I pull through it as she doesn't stop either. She uses her thumb to circle over my clit as she fucks her tongue as deep as she can inside of me.

"Uh, Buffy?" I hear Willow say from the other side of the door as she continues knocking. "Everything okay in there? Have you seen Faith? Giles is waiting."

"Don't stop," Buffy whispers and I smile a little, wondering when the hell she became so…bold.

"Buffy?" Willow isn't letting up and I know no little lock is gonna stop her from coming in here.

"Fuck," I groan, still trying as hard as I can to tune Willow out. I'm so fucking close and I ain't letting her ruin this with her impatience.

I can feel how tight and hot Buffy is getting every time I thrust my fingers knuckle deep inside her. She's close too and she's not holding back. She's moaning quietly, trying to keep it quiet and failing. I feel my orgasm ripple through my body at lightning speed as she moves her lips to my clit and thrusts two fingers hard inside me. Buffy is quick and I pull my lips away from her clit as her orgasm powers through her. I can feel it as if it was almost like my own and it spirals me into another intense orgasm before the first even ends.

"Oh fuck," I cry out and bury my face against Buffy's thigh. My whole body is buzzing and it feels like it's on fire. Sure we've done this quickly before, but never this _fast_. My heart is racing and I slowly move off of her and lay on the cool floor next to her. "Jesus, B," I whisper with a lazy smile dancing over my lips.

"Was that Willow?" Buffy whispers and I can only nod as I struggle to catch my breath. "Oh god."

"What?"

"How long have we been in here for?"

"Not long," I shrug. "B?"

"Mm?"

"You are fucking incredible," I smile as I lean over and kiss her. My hand seems to have a mind of its own too and finds its way between her legs. "I love you," I whisper against her lips.

"Buffy?" Willow calls out again and I freeze when I hear the lock click open.

"Will! Get out of here!" Buffy yells as she tries to use me to cover her nakedness from Willow's wide and shocked eyes. "Will!"

I try not to laugh at how embarrassed Buffy is or how shocked Willow is as she quickly shuts the door. Buffy is flustered as she pushes me away from her and scrambles to get her clothes that are scattered over the floor. I take my time getting dressed and by the time I finish buckling up my belt, Buffy is already out the door and headed down the stairs.

I shrug it off and head downstairs with a confident smile. I ain't embarrassed that Willow walked in on us. It could've been worse. She could've walked in on us while we were sixty-nining the hell outta each other.

Everyone minus Spike is waiting in the dining room, seated around the table. I take a seat next to Buffy and I can't help but notice the way that Willow is trying so hard not to look at either of us right now. Buffy takes my hand under the table and intertwines her fingers with mine and gives me a little squeeze. I smile a little and turn my attention to Giles where he's sitting at the head of the table, papers and books spread out in front of him.

"I wanted you all here when I told you the news," he says and he clears his throat as all eyes fall on him. "I spoke with Selwyn not long ago. The coven believes they have found the location of the doorway Roman is using to bring forth these creatures to infiltrate Sunnydale."

"First good news we've had all week," I say with a smile. "What else?"

"Ah," he sighs and shakes his head sadly. "That is the only good news so to speak. The coven is still working on a spell to close the doorway and Selwyn has assured me that they can come up with something by the morning that will seal it completely. Unfortunately, these creatures won't just disappear. It'll be up to us to eliminate them and we must do it quickly."

"Why quickly?" Xander asks.

"This is where the bad news comes in," Dawn mutters.

"The coven believes they are able to procreate in order to increase their numbers," Giles replies. "We must find a way to eliminate as many of them as possible and to keep ourselves as safe as possible when we do just that."

"So, plan?" I say as I let go of Buffy's hand and stand up. "We lead them somewhere, rig up a bunch of explosives and we're done."

"It won't be that easy, Faith," Buffy says calmly.

"It's a plan."

"It is a plan," Giles agrees. "But there is a problem with that plan, Faith. There is no way to herd them all to one place all at once. We'll have to take out as many as we can with the weapons we have. It could take days, it could take weeks. I prefer it only take days even if it seems entirely impossible."

"We're gonna need some help," I say and Buffy nods her head in agreement. "How can we get the word out to Angel and the LA gang?"

Anya pulls a cell phone out of her pocket and flips it open. "With this," she says and she closes it and slides it across the table towards Buffy.

"You had a charged cell phone this whole time and you just decide to tell us _now_?" Willow asks angrily and she shakes her head. "I cannot believe you, Anya!"

"I was saving it for an emergency."

"This whole week has been an emergency!"

"Ladies, if you would please just-"

"Shut up, Giles!" Willow and Anya both yell at him.

I take the phone from Buffy and quickly dial Angel's number. I leave the dining room while the others continue to bicker and yell at each other, Buffy is right behind me as I stand in the hallway close to the kitchen and wait for Angel to answer the phone. It goes to his voice mail and I leave him a quick message telling him to get the gang together and get to Sunnydale as soon as he can.

"He could be busy," Buffy says softly as I slip the phone in my pocket.

"Or he could be on his way here already. Selwyn could've contacted him for us or something."

"Maybe."

I slip my hands over Buffy's hips and pull her close to me. "What do you say we give Spike an all-night watch and we spend a little time in your room?" I ask her softly and she smiles a little. "We deserve a night off, babe. You know it, I know it, everyone else knows it and if we're gonna be taking out those assholes one by one, we're gonna need our rest."

"I know."

"So? Tell Giles we're taking the night off and we'll figure out how to rig your bedroom door to lock it."

"There is a lock on it."

"Didn't stop Willow from walking in on us in the bathroom."

Buffy groans and steps back from me and I roll my eyes. I don't know why she's making such a big fucking deal out of it. Sure one of her best friends walked in on us completely naked with my hand between her legs, but it's not the end of the world. I ain't stupid enough to say that to her though. All it'll do is end up in us fighting and that is the last thing I want right now.

"B," I whisper as I wrap my arms around her again and feel her relax. "I just want to spend a whole night with you in bed even if all we do is sleep. I'm fucking exhausted and I know you are too."

"I-I know, Faith. But," she sighs and wraps her arms around me and lays her head on my shoulder. "But we have responsibilities and we need to be out there tonight."

I lift a hand and place my fingers under her chin and make her look at me. "Every night we're out there all I think about is what happens if we don't make it back here together?"

"Faith-"

"Our lives aren't guaranteed, you know? We could be killed at any time. Life of a slayer has its perks, but there are a lot of downsides too. Can't we just have one night together before we try to take all those fuckers out tomorrow?"

Buffy sighs and from the way she kisses me, I know she's given in. I could kiss this woman all day and never grow tired of the way she makes me feel when her lips are on mine. Even in the smallest moments like this, I still can't help but wonder how the fuck I got so lucky and got the woman of my dreams. I always wanted Buffy even when I hated her, but to know she loves me back and wants me now just as much as I want her, sometimes it's still hard to believe it.

"Uh, guys?" Dawn says as she clears her throat. "Did you call Angel or did you just come out here to make out while everyone else is yelling at each other?"

"I called him," I say as I pull away from Buffy's lips. "Didn't answer but I left him a message."

"Good. Do you think they'll be here tomorrow?"

"Dunno, Kiddo."

"Is everything going to go back to normal?"

"Nothing was ever normal," Buffy says sadly and she walks over to Dawn and pulls her into a tight hug. "But we'll go back to what was normal for us. I promise you that much. I just can't tell you how long it'll take before that happens."

Dawn starts crying and Buffy just holds on to her, whispering to her that everything will be okay again one day. I leave them alone in the hallway and head back into the dining room. The bickering and screaming seems to have stopped for now, but nobody is looking at one another and nobody is looking at me. I hand Anya her phone back and sit down.

"Did you talk to Angel?" Xander asks me and I shake my head no.

"Left him a message."

"I'll try to reach out to Selwyn, see if she can make direct contact with Angel," Giles says tiredly. "Faith, you have the first shift of tonight after you and Buffy-"

"We're taking the night off," I say firmly. "We deserve a night off at least and what better night than tonight? There's nothing we can do out there and you know it. Until the coven seals that doorway up, there's no point in killing any of these things when they're just gonna keep on coming back."

"I do not think-"

"No, Giles, we're taking the night off," I say a little louder as Buffy and Dawn walk in to the room. "Spike can keep watch 'til just before sunrise. We all need a night off. We're exhausted here!"

"She's right," Willow says softly. "We do need to get some rest. I'll make sure the spell is strong enough to hold throughout the night, keep those things from getting in here while we sleep in case Spike doesn't spot them all when they get closer to the house."

I smile as I stand up and walk over to Buffy. I take her hand in mine and give the gang a little wave before I lead the way up the stairs and straight for Buffy's bedroom. I sure as hell wasn't staying down there listening to Giles for any longer than I had to. Gotta hand it to Willow though for backing me up too.

Buffy pulls her hand outta mine as soon as the door shuts behind us. She looks a little pissed and I can't figure out why. I don't ask her either since I get this feeling if I open my mouth right now I'll be sleeping on the floor or downstairs on the couch tonight. I light a few candles and watch her as she paces around the room, shaking her head a little every couple of steps.

I just keep watching her as I slip outta my boots and start to get undressed slowly. By the time I'm only in my bra and panties, she finally stops pacing and looks right over at me. I unclasp my bra and let it fall to the floor and move my fingers to the waistband of my panties. She looks away as I slip them off and I walk over to the bed and pull back the sheets.

"What are you doing?" Buffy asks me as I lay down on the bed and place my hands behind my head.

"What does it look like, B? I'm going to sleep. Just waiting for your sexy ass to strip down and get in here with me."

Buffy groans and doesn't move from where she stands. I roll my eyes and pull just the sheet over me. It's chilly tonight, but I don't mind the cold. I keep my eyes on her still and watch as she looks like she's having an argument with herself inside her head. Finally after what feels like forever and a day has gone by, she strips out of her clothes, blows out the candles and joins me in bed.

"What's up with you tonight?" I ask her as she turns on her side with her back to me. "B?"

"It's what Dawn said."

"What part?"

"About things going back to normal."

"We'll get this taken care of, B."

"I know."

I place a hand on her shoulder and make her look at me. "Then what's wrong?"

"We take care of this and then what? Something else comes along and we have to take care of that too. You know this won't ever end. We still have to worry about whatever it is the First is up to. We don't even know when it plans to start doing whatever it is it came here for!"

"B," I sigh heavily and move closer to her and wrap my arms around her. "We'll take care of that too. You've been through how many apocalypses since you've been a slayer? A lot, all right. We'll get through this and through the next thing and the thing after that and so on."

"I'm just so tired, Faith."

"We all are. That's why we're taking the night off."

"No," she says with a shake of her head. "I'm tired of this. Tired of being a slayer. I want a normal life. I don't want to take care of these things anymore. I'm so tired of this. It never ends. Ever."

She starts to cry and I just lay there and hold her, not sure what to say. There's nothing I can say that'll make her feel or think differently and I know that. I get where she's coming from, hell I even felt that way at times too, but I was never close to giving up. Didn't even think she was that close until now.

It's fucking heartbreaking.

It's almost like I can feel the pain she has inside of her. The burden. The guilt. Everything.

We've been here before, me and her, but it feels a bit different this time. Can't even put my finger on how or why. I just want her not to feel anything else right now other than me. I kiss away her tears before I kiss her in a way I know will completely take her breath away.


	38. Chapter 38

**Author's Notes: The fast pace of this chapter was me trying to recreate what it feels for them experiencing all of this...enjoy and remember to leave a review! :)**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Thirty-Eight<strong>

"Move!" I yell at Angel and Spike as they flank my left. "Get the hell out of the way, now!"

We're surrounded. The herd of vampire-zombies, or zompires as Cordy called them earlier when they arrived in Sunnydale, are surrounding us. Every one we take down, two more seem to take their place.

I raise the rifle and shoot off a few rounds. The zompires near me fall to the ground and I frantically look around for Buffy. Soon as they surrounded us just off Main, I lost sight of her and the others. Spike and Angel move through the herd, taking down as many as they can as they try to clear a way out of the middle of this chaos.

The plan was for us to take them out in the middle of town. Not my plan. I'm still stuck on my plan of leading them somewhere and blowing them up 'til there ain't nothing left. This plan fucking blows.

"Faith!" Angel yells as I run to catch up to him and Spike. "We gotta get to high ground, take them out that way."

I nod and point to one of the buildings to our left. It's a lower building and I know for a fact there's a ladder that goes straight up to the roof. I motion to Spike to follow us and we kill and fight our way towards the building. We move as quickly as we can and once we're on the roof, I move to the front and crouch down by the ledge.

"How much ammo is left?" I ask them both as they join me.

"Not much," Spike says as he pulls out the few boxes of ammo from his jacket pocket and places it down in front of him. "You?"

I shrug off the backpack and unzip it. There's some, but not a lot. Barely enough between the two of us to take out the herd of zompires down in the street. "We need to come up with a different plan. A better plan," I say quietly and Angel nods in agreement. "Spike, any idea where we can get our hands on some explosives?"

"Why are you asking me?"

"Come on," I laugh as I roll my eyes. "Where can we get some and by some I mean-"

"A lot. Right," Spike chuckles and he thinks for a moment before his eyes open wide. "I know of a place."

"Where?"

"Down by the docks. Old military warehouse. Should have some kind of stockpile down there we could use."

"Great. We'll head down there, rig the place and somehow lead all these zompires down there," I say with a smile that quickly fades at the look on Angel's face. "What?"

"What about the others?"

"We'll find them. Any idea where they could've headed?" I ask him and he gives a small shrug. "Okay," I say as I take a deep breath. "Spike, we're heading down to the docks. Angel, you head back to the house and see if the others headed back there since it has been pretty fucking crazy down there. They'd be smart and do what keeps them safe."

"And then what?" Spike asks and I take another deep breath. Of course it's down to me to come up with a different plan while hundreds of zompires are surrounding the building trying to get at us. Thank god they too fucking stupid to figure out how to use a ladder. "Faith? We need a plan. Can't just go off running without a plan."

"I know! Fuck, Spike, let me think a minute here."

"Here," Angel says as he hands me a military grade walkie-talkie. "I'll radio you on this if I find the others."

"Great."

"A plan, Faith?" Spike prods and I glare at him.

"We're gonna rig that warehouse up and then we're gonna figure out how to lead all those zompires down there. If we can get even half of what's in this town, taking down the other half the way we've been trying to is gonna be a helluva lot easier. Angel, find Buffy and the others and let them know the plan."

"Should've just gone with this plan in the first place."

"You already mentioned a plan like this, Faith?" Angel asks me off of Spike's mumbling.

"I did when we had the meeting last night. Got scrapped."

"It's a good plan," Angel says with a smile. "But right now we got to figure out how to clear a path for us to get out of here. There's too many down there right now."

"Yeah," I sigh and I look down at the street. "Not enough ammo either. Think we should hop to the next roof and find a different route?"

Angel nods and leaves Spike and I at the ledge to try to find a safe way to jump to another building. I take aim and shoot a few zompires down, Spike doing the same. It confuses some of the others around the ones we took down and after a few minutes, hundreds of eyes are all looking at us up on the roof.

"Shit," I groan as Spike and I duck out of sight. "This ain't good."

"Look at it this way," Spike says as he reloads his weapon. "Most of them are here. Means the others are fairly safe wherever they are."

"Come on, let's move," Angel says in a loud whisper from the opposite end of the roof.

Spike and I rush over to him and look at where he's pointing. It's not to another building, but to a row of open dumpsters in the alley below. I don't give it a second thought and drop down, holding on to the ledge before I let go. The alley is clear but who knows for how long. Thankfully the dumpster I fall in is mostly newspaper. Spike and Angel aren't so lucky.

I can't help but laugh as I pull a banana peel off Angel's shoulder. He gives a small smile my way and a glare at Spike as he starts laughing too. We start running, sticking to the back alley's as we make our way as far from the herd of zompires as we can. We part from Angel about seven blocks away and I follow Spike's lead down towards the docks.

My legs feel like jello, my lungs are burning, and I'm dying of thirst, but I keep on running right next to him, knowing the sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can deal with the rest.

Spike slows down as soon as we reach the docks. I grab a bottle of water from my backpack and down it all quickly. Spike motions for me to follow him and we stick to the shadows, avoiding the few roaming zompires that are hanging around, wandering mindlessly. The door to the old military warehouse is bolted shut and we find a broken window to climb into. After a quick sweep to make sure we're alone in this place, Spike heads down to the storage room in the basement and I'm close behind him.

"Knew they kept a stockpile here. Bunch of nitwits in this town. Don't realize half the monsters here would use this on them if it came down to it."

"Will it be enough?" I ask him as we look around. "Doesn't look like much, Spike."

"See those drums?" He says as he points out the hundreds of black drums that are sealed shut around the room. "Those there are full of the stuff you'd find in dynamite. It's where they made a lot of them down here in this room."

"Great. We have to _make_ explosives now?"

"No," Spike chuckles as he picks up a couple sticks of dynamite sitting on a table. "Just light off a few of these and take the lids off those drums and we'll bloody likely put a hole in this part of town. If it counts for anything, we should've gone with this plan in the first place. Damn bloody brilliant plan if you ask me."

I smile a little and we get to work, prying off the lids from all the drums scattered around the large room. My heart is racing now as I pry the last lid off and wipe my forehead with the sleeve of my jean jacket. I check my watch quickly and realize we're making good time, but what does good time even matter when I haven't heard a word from Angel of the radio yet?

"What now?" Spike asks as we join each other by the stairs.

"We rig this place and we wait."

"We'll need a switch," he says and scratches his head. "Or some kind of timer."

"Think there's anything like that down here?"

"Doubt that."

"Then what, Spike?"

"We could use a fuse, light it outside and run like hell?"

"Great," I mutter under my breath, suddenly not liking this plan so much anymore. "Do you think that could work?"

"Hardly an expert in explosives here, Slayer."

I don't respond to him and we make our way up the stairs. I pull the radio out from my backpack and switch to the channel Angel told me he'd be on. I call him in and after thirty seconds of nothing but static, I try again.

I don't give up for the next half an hour. Spike is pacing, checking out the window we crawled in to make sure none of the zompires are getting too close. Finally, the static is gone and Angel's voice comes in clear over the radio.

"_I found Buffy, but not the others. Where are you?"_

"Still at the old military storage warehouse down at the docks, waiting on you guys."

"_Meet us in town. Buffy wants to-"_

"_Faith, we have to find them now!"_ Buffy yells and I hold the radio away from me a little, my ears ringing at the shrillness in her voice. _"Faith?"_

"We'll find them, B. Where are we meeting in town?"

"_The Bronze,"_ Buffy replies and I motion to Spike to check again to make sure the coast is clear. _"Meet us there in half an hour. If we get caught up, we'll let you know."_

"Got it, B. Move quick and stay safe."

I turn the volume down on the radio but keep it on and place it in my backpack. I reload my rifle and dig out the last of the ammo in my bag and put the boxes in my jacket pockets. Spike is all ready to go, but I know we gotta get the main door open so we can lead those fucking zompires in here when the time comes.

"Spike, find something to break those doors open."

"They're bloody welded shut!"

"Find something!" I yell at him. "We gotta get those doors open or this whole plan will be shot to hell."

After I search for something to break the doors open and turn up empty handed, I walk over to the large door and start pulling at the bar that's welded to it. It's been a long fucking day and the frustration and exhaustion is catching up to me. Getting to be too much to handle anymore. I pull at the bar and feel the metal creak in my hands. I don't give up, pulling harder, putting every ounce of strength I have into it.

Spike is at my side, pulling at the bar with me. Bit by bit it bends and with one last pull together, we break it off the door, both of us flying backwards at the release. The metal bar clangs to the ground and the doors open slightly. I'm on my feet quickly, knowing any zompires that are lurking around here definitely would've heard it.

I take the lead, jogging through the docks and head straight for the main road, checking only once to make sure that Spike is right behind me. We haven't rigged the explosives yet, but there isn't any way to do it. I know nothing about bombs and Spike doesn't seem to know much more than rigging them up. However we're gonna do it, we'll figure it out when we get back there with the hundreds of zompires following us there.

"Slayer," Spike growls as he pulls me into an alley about four blocks from the Bronze. "Not yet."

"We're almost there."

"Look up ahead," he says and motions for me to look. I lean out of the darkness of the alley and peer around the corner of the building up at the street ahead of us. I spot one zompires staggering in the middle of the road and as I scoff, four more join the one in the street, followed by a couple dozen seconds later. "Got to find another way there," Spike says as he pulls me back into the alley. "We'll head underground. I know which sewer leads to the basement of the Bronze."

"Great," I groan and follow him, doubling back the way we came quickly. "Sewers. Never gets old, does it?"

"Best way to travel in this town when there's trouble up ahead," Spike replies as he pulls a manhole cover off the sewer. "We'll get there quicker."

"And what happens if there's more down there?" I ask him and he ignores me, jumping in and landing below with a soft thud. "Spike! We'll be fucking cornered down there with nowhere to run."

"Just hurry up!" He yells at me from below.

I shake my head and jump in after him. Nothing ever stopped me before from jumping right into the face of danger, but that was before. When I was younger and stupider and didn't have something worth it to live for.

"This is stupid," I say to him as he starts off down the dark tunnel. "Really fucking stupid."

"Or really brilliant," Spike whispers with a smile as he rounds a corner.

I pull out the flashlight and turn it on, shining it up ahead of us. It's quiet down here other than our footsteps and the odd sound of water dripping from the walls. Spike stops me when we hear muffled, echoing voices. I can't tell which direction they've come from or who the voices belong to. I shut the flashlight off and we round a corner, a dead end with the wall to our back, guns at the ready.

I hold my breath and try to slow my racing heart down. All day it's been go, go, go. Right from the moment we were woken up before dawn by Giles after he had gotten word from Selwyn that she and the coven had successfully closed off the door Roman was using to bring these zompires into our world until right now with me following Spike through the sewers to meet up with Buffy and Angel at the Bronze.

"Who is that?" I whisper and he shrugs, straining to hear the whispered voices echoing off the walls. "Can't be any zompires. They don't talk."

"That we've heard," he whispers and I lean against the wall, sighing heavily. "Give it a few. Soon as the whispers stop, we'll move on."

I nod my head and try to relax and stay calm. Whoever else is down here in the sewers with us, well let's just say there's not many people left in Sunnydale and they could be one of us. Don't wanna take an off chance that it's not and go running in the direction of their voices. Got too much other shit to worry about right now.

We wait for another ten minutes before we move on, moving a little quicker this time through the sewers until we reach a ladder that Spike claims leads right into the Bronze's basement. I let him go first and watch as he climbs up the ladder and opens a barred hatch door above him. He lifts himself up and out and disappears. I can hear him walking above and after a minute or two, he pokes his head down in the opening.

"Coast is clear," he says and I climb up the ladder quickly, joining him in the basement of the Bronze. "Don't think we got any company here."

"Buffy and Angel aren't here yet?"

"No, didn't hear them. Didn't smell them either."

I groan and make my way to the stairs, but Spike stops me as we hear a crash coming from upstairs. "Let go of me," I say through gritted teeth. "Now."

"What are you gonna do if I don't, Slayer? Put a stake through my heart? Hate to say it, but you _need_ me here right now whether you like it or not."

"Whatever. You ain't stopping me. What if it's Buffy and Angel or the others and they need help up there?"

Spike lets go of me and I rush up the stairs. I run through the storage room and out to the club. It's dark and I can barely make out what's what. I turn my flashlight back on and search the room. Couple broken tables lay on the ground near the front and I shine the light around again, looking for anything-or anyone-in here with me.

"Faith?" I hear Buffy say quietly to my left and I rush quickly over to where she's crouched down behind the bar. "Oh my god," she says as she throws her arms around me. She's shaking and I'm pretty sure she's crying. "I lost him."

"Angel?"

"Down in the sewers. He convinced me it was the best way to get here without running into any of those things outside."

"How did you lose him, B?"

"He told me to keep going," she says with a shudder. "Told me to take two rights and a left and climb the third ladder I saw. I don't know when I lost him, but by the time I made it in here, he wasn't right behind me anymore."

"So it was you two we heard down there?"

"What?"

"Spike and I were down there. Heard whispers. Didn't know if it was you or something else."

"Angel and I didn't say a word the whole time we were down there, but Faith, we heard them too."

"Didn't sound like anyone you recognize, did it?"

"No," she replies with a shake of her head. "Where's Spike?"

"Was right behind me," I say and I peer over the top of the bar and shine my light over the room. From what I can tell, it's just her and me in here with no Spike and no Angel in sight. "Shit."

"Try the radio," Buffy says and I shrug off my backpack and pull it out quickly.

I call in Angel over the radio, but again like before when I was trying to get in touch with him, there is nothing but static. I try again and listen carefully. I can hear the static over the radio and in the room with us. I feel a little sick as I peer over the top of the bar again and shine my light around, focusing on the broken tables not far from us. I hit the button on the radio and very faintly I can see the red light on the radio Angel should've had blinking under a few broken pieces of wood.

"Angel doesn't have it anymore," I whisper to Buffy as I put my backpack back on and get out from behind the bar. I walk over to where his radio lies on the ground and pick it up. "Can't be good."

"Where the hell are they?" Buffy asks in a hushed whisper.

"Don't know, B, but we gotta find them and we gotta find the others. Whatever is happening right now, it ain't good." Obviously. "Where's the last place you saw the gang?"

"Just before you, Spike, and Angel got separated from us, just off Main Street."

"Did you guys check the house?"

"We did. They weren't there."

"We'll go back and check again. They could've gotten sidetracked trying to save their asses from being eaten by a couple dozen zompires."

"So we're sticking with the nickname Cordelia gave them?"

"For now. Let's go, B."

Buffy grabs her bag and slings the strap over her shoulder. I lead the way back down to the basement and to the entrance to the sewers. Spike is nowhere to be seen down here and I can't help but worry a little bit about that even as much as I hate him, he was right when he said we need him right now.

We move quickly, jogging through the sewers. I have no idea where I'm going, but I know I gotta be going in the right direction. Just a gut feeling. After running through the sewers for ten minutes, Buffy stops me. We're both panting and struggling to catch our breath. I'm just trying to keep calm as I can even though I'm on the verge of completely freaking out.

I make my way up to the street, pushing the manhole cover off and wincing as it scrapes against the pavement loudly. Buffy is right behind me and I grab on to her hand and make our way down the street. We're barely half a block from the house, but it still doesn't mean we're in the clear and can avoid any of the zompires between here and the house.

I breathe a sigh of relief when her house comes into view and I see Xander out on the roof. We run to the door and bang on it until Willow lets the spell down long enough for us to get inside.

"Where have you been?" Willow asks as she flicks her wrist and puts the barrier back up around the house. "We thought something might have happened to you two! Something bad!"

"We're fine," Buffy says and I sit on the second last step of the stairs and try to catch my breath. "We lost Angel and Spike, but we're fine."

"You lost them?" Giles asks as he comes out of the kitchen. "How on earth did you lose them?"

"Same as we lost you guys. We got split up," I say and I shake my head as I get to my feet. "Change of plans, Giles. We're going with my plan on blowing these fuckers up."

"Faith, this is not what we-"

"We're running out of ammo!" I yell at him. "There's just too many of them out there. We gotta do it another way. Listen," I say and I take a few deep breaths to calm myself down. "Spike and I, we rigged the basement down at the old military storage warehouse. Got enough bombs in there to put a dent in that side of town. Just one downside. We ain't got a way to set it off once we lead the zompires there and lock them inside."

I can hear Xander yelling from the roof and I take off, getting up there as fast as my feet will take me. I join him on the roof with Buffy and Giles close behind. He shakes his head as he points out towards the north side of town. There's a huge fireball curling up into the night sky, lighting up half the town.

"Jesus," I breathe out as I watch another one rise up from the ground. "What the hell?"

"That's what I wanna know," Xander says and he hands me the binoculars. "Can't figure out where exactly it's coming from but-"

"The docks," I say as I look through the binoculars, barely able to make out one of the chimneystacks from a building close to the military storage warehouse. "Fucking stupid vamps," I groan. "He and Angel must've planned this."

"What?" Buffy asks and there's a look of pure fear on her face. "Planned what?"

"To blow those zompires up themselves. Why else ya think they just disappeared like that on us, B? Why else did they lead us to the Bronze so we could find each other? They didn't want us anywhere near that place when it blew!"

Buffy reaches for my hand as I pass the binoculars to Giles. I sigh as I shake my head, furious and confused.

"Uh," Giles says as he clears his throat. "Get down there and have Willow remove the spell at once."

"Why?" Xander asks and I shake my head and let go of Buffy's hand.

"Look," I say as I point down to the street. "They're back."

We watch for a moment as Angel carries Spike over his shoulder. He's obviously injured and unconscious. I make a run for it downstairs and find Willow in the living room with Tara. I don't even have to say anything, the look on my face says it all and Willow brings the spell down just as I open the front door.

I make a run towards Angel and he shakes his head at me, warning me not to say a word right now. He lets Spike down from over his shoulder and I help him carry Spike into the house. We put him on the couch in the living room and soon as I'm about to say something to him, Buffy beats me to it and slaps Angel hard across the face.

"What the hell were you thinking?!"

"We were thinking we could stop this," he replies calmly. "And there was no way either of us would put you two or any of the others in that position. It's done, Buffy."

"Asshole," I say to him as I slug him hard in the shoulder. "You and Spike planned this, didn't you?"

"Sorry," he says as he rubs his cheek and then his shoulder. "We had to do this on our own and keep you and everyone else safe."

"How many did you get?" I ask him and Giles clears his throat loudly as he steps between Angel and I.

"What happened to him?" He asks Angel as he points to Spike lying unconscious on the couch. I can't see any visible injuries. "Will he be all right?"

"Got knocked out as we ran from the blast. He'll be fine," Angel replies in a calm voice that makes me furious. I don't get how he can be so fucking calm right now! "As for how many we got. We got a lot."

"A lot?" Buffy scoffs. "Define how many a lot is."

"Just about all of them."

"_How_ is that even possible?" Buffy demands and I move to stand next to her as we face Angel together. "You were barely gone half an hour!"

"You aren't the only one with a witch," Spike mutters groggily as he sits up on the couch. "Just so happens we had to wait for ours to show up. Took longer than expected."

"So what then, you just got some random witch to zap them all inside that warehouse and blew them all up?" Buffy asks incredulously and she turns to me, shaking her head. "Can you believe this, Faith?"

I shrug. "Whatever, B. Long as it's taken care of, right?"

"But it can't be that easy! We've been fighting them all day!"

"Like I said," Spike coughs as he gets to his feet. "We had to wait and it took longer than expected."

"And when were you going to clue us in on this plan of yours, Spike?" Buffy asks as she puts her hands on her hip and glares at him. "Never, right?"

"Please, do be quiet," Giles says firmly. "Now, if one of you will explain to us what just happened."

"When I got Faith's message, I came up with a plan before we even got here," Angel says and he looks around as Cordy and Gunn join us from wherever they've been this whole time. "Cordelia had a vision," he says as he nods at her. "But, we all agreed it was better not to tell anyone else what she saw."

"And exactly what did you see, Cordelia?" Giles asks her.

"Angel and Spike blowing the zompires to pieces."

"That is all you saw?"

"I had two visions," she replies coldly. "The first one came before Angel got that message from Faith. I saw them both end up dead, Giles! Buffy _and_ Faith. The second vision came after Angel came up with a plan that could fool the Powers that Be themselves. They're probably sitting there scratching their heads trying to figure out how we bested them, fought what was supposed to have happened and won!"

"And this witch who helped you? Who is it?"

"Rupert," Selwyn says softly as she appears in the middle of the living room out of thin air causing Buffy to jump a little and grab on to my arm. "We agreed not to discuss any of this with you for a reason. If you had known, you would've altered the way we knew we could prevent what was destined to happen here tonight."

I pinch myself, wondering if somehow today I managed to get myself knocked out and I'm dreaming or something.

And out of nowhere everyone starts laughing at how this day ended when not even half an hour ago things were chaotic as hell and the end seemed nowhere in sight.

"This has been one crazy day," I say to no one in particular and I turn to face Buffy and she's just smiling. "What?"

"I thought we-I thought this day would never end."

"Me too, B."

"Can you really believe it's over?"

"Guess we'll find out when the sun rises," I reply with a small smile of my own.


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter Thirty-Nine**

I slept for a whole day after Angel and Spike bombed the hell out of a good chunk of the zompire population. I felt Buffy in bed with me sometimes and sometimes I was completely alone. She's restless and I can feel it coming off her in waves whenever she does crawl in to bed with me. It doesn't wake me up, too fucking tired for all that, but it bugs me that she's feeling that way.

It's dark when I finally get me ass outta bed. It's after five in the morning and even sleeping for a whole day, I feel well rested for the first time in a very long time. I shower quickly, the water still freezing cold, and I head downstairs after I get dressed in the last of my clean clothes. I find everyone down in the dining room, sitting around the table talking with Giles and Selwyn. The only ones missing are Angel and the LA crew.

"Well, look who finally decided to get out of bed," Dawn says as she's the first one to notice me standing in the doorway to the dining room with my arms crossed over my chest.

"What's going on?" I ask and Giles motions for me to take a seat. I pull up a chair next to Buffy and smile at her. It's a smile that's not returned.

"As I was just telling the others, the explosion has made headlines outside of Sunnydale. They are calling it an accident due to the violent virus outbreak that plagued the town. Nobody is allowed to enter Sunnydale until the military has done a complete sweep and determine that this town is safe."

"So, what now?" I ask him and he sighs heavily.

"We need to get rid of our, ahem, weapons and artillery."

"What do ya want us to do, dump it all back at the police station?" Xander asks and Giles sighs again. "If the military is patrolling the streets, driving around with a trunk full of stolen weapons isn't going to make us look good."

"We stash it," I say and Giles nods. "Where's Spike at?"

"Recovering in his crypt," Buffy says softly. "He took a hard hit when they bombed that warehouse."

"We could use him to help us move the guns," I reply and I crack my knuckles as the others sit there in silence. "What, we can't just drive through town if the military is here. Xander is right on that one. Unless you all wanna go to jail for the rest of your lives-"

"I am _not_ going to jail!" Anya butts in. "I have a wedding to plan. A makeup wedding seeing how this whole thing completely ruined the original wedding plans."

"How can you think about a wedding now?" Willow asks her and it's becoming clear that the frustration has only gotten worse since I passed out a day ago. "In case you have forgotten, Anya, we still have to deal with the zompires that are still wandering around. Do you think that the military is going to know how to deal with these things?"

"Then deal with it!"

"Ladies," Giles says as calmly as he can. "Let us figure out how to get the weapons out of the house before the military comes knocking on the door and then we will come up with a plan on how we are to eliminate the remaining zompires."

I look at Selwyn and she's being awfully quiet. She also has this look on her face that tells me she's thinking of something she hasn't discussed with the rest of us yet. I still don't trust her completely, not after it was her and her coven who got me sent to that hell dimension.

So, the crisis of the day has been revealed and I doubt that's what put Buffy in a pissy mood. She hasn't looked at me since she told me where Spike is and it's bugging the hell outta me. Can't help but feel like her mood is partially my fault. Why I don't know. Just call it one of those gut feelings.

Nobody can seem to come up with a good plan that'll actually work on getting the weapons we took from the police station out of the house without running into the military out on the streets. Far as they're concerned, we're not even supposed to still be here. We should've been evacuated with the rest of the town when the zompires started coming out by the hundreds. I ain't gonna argue my plan and that it's better than the others. My original plan on getting rid of most of the zompires was shot down to shit and look what happened, Angel and Spike ended up doing the exact thing I wanted to do from the start.

I don't care what the others are planning, I grab my jacket and after forcing Willow to take down the barrier spell, giving her a look that said "don't fuck with me right now", I head out into the night and head straight for Restfield.

"Damn," I say under my breath as I round a corner just a few blocks from the house and there's a barricade in the middle of the street with at least half a dozen men in military clothes carrying guns and keeping a watchful eye on all ends of the street.

I spot a sewer grate about ten yards ahead and I know I gotta move quick if I wanna get it open and get down there without being seen. Gotta say, I'm getting sick of trekking through the sewers, but a slayer has to do what a slayer has to do.

I take a deep breath and make a run for it, grabbing the grate with my hands and pulling it open swiftly. I slip down inside and close it behind me, wincing as it slams shut with a loud bang. I'm off and running as soon as I heard garbled voices coming over a walkie-talkie and I don't know if I'm headed in the right direction or not. Just more worried about not getting caught and taken to some high-security military prison for being somewhere I'm not supposed to be.

I stop running after a few minutes and stop to catch my breath and figure out where the hell I am. And that's when I hear it, the unmistakable growl of a zompire not far ahead of me down here in the sewers. I unsheathe the knife from my boot and cautiously move forward, listening carefully to pinpoint just how far it is away from me. I spot it up ahead, just around where the sewer forks and I grip the handle of my knife tightly, stepping quietly as to not be seen or heard just yet.

Before I can take another step, a pair of hands are pulling me back out of sight. I spin around, ready to fight and relax when it see that it's only Spike.

"What the hell?" I hiss and he places a finger over his lips and motions for me to follow him back the way I came. "Spike, what the hell?"

"About to ask you the same thing," he mutters as he looks around where we're standing. "What are you doing down here, Slayer?"

"Coming to see you," I reply and he smirks. "We need your help."

"If you were coming to see me, I hate to break it to you, but you were going the wrong way."

I roll my eyes and he starts walking again, not bothering to look back to make sure I'm following him. We walk for a few minutes before I grab him by the back of his coat and throw him up against the wall.

"Easy," he chuckles. "I'm saving your life here, Slayer."

"From one stupid little zompire I can handle? Gee thanks, Spike. However can I repay you?"

"I was saving you from walking straight into Roman's lair," he growls and pushes me away from him. He straightens out his coat and clicks his tongue at me. "Yeah, that's right. Roman has been under our feet this whole time, hiding out, waiting for that right moment to come out again."

"How do you know that he's down here?"

"Because I _know_. Spooked me last night he did. I was out looking for something to eat. Injured or not, a vampire has to eat to regain strength."

"And he what? Let you walk away?"

"Not without a fight. Seems like our very own Immortal is suffering here now that the doorway was shut. He was feeding off the energy coming through it."

I sigh and feel a wicked urge to have a cigarette right about now. As much as I hate Spike most of the time, he's been there for us more times than I can count and he's done things without question to save our asses more than once.

"When we're you going to tell us any of this, Spike?"

"Was on my way when I heard you running opposite direction of my crypt," he says with a nonchalant shrug and continues walking. "What's this about needing my help, Slayer?"

"Military is in town," I reply, keeping my voice low. "We need to get the guns out of the house and hidden before they come around and find us with them."

"I see," Spike says and he chuckles under his breath as he pulls out a worn pack of cigarettes. He offers me one, which I gratefully take, and he holds out his Zippo and I light it. "Where do you suggest we stash them? Surely we cannot bring them back to the station. We'll be caught."

"What about your crypt?"

"What about it?"

"We can stash them there," I say and he full out laughs, quickly shutting up as soon as I deck him hard in the shoulder. "I ain't joking here, Spike."

"Find another hiding spot," he growls as he rubs his sore shoulder. "And ease off, Slayer. I'm still injured here!"

"Okay, where?" I ask him. "Where can we hide the guns and not get caught stashing them somewhere?"

"I know a place not far from the house. They'll be safe there and kept out of unwanted hands and out of the eyes of those military bastards. Wouldn't by chance be the ones who put this bloody chip in my head, would they?"

"I don't know. No-Spike, let's just keep moving and get to the house as fast as we can and stop fucking around here."

"Way to be grateful for what we did for you lot," he mutters and I grab him again and slam him up against the wall. "Next time I put my ass on the line, remind me not to expect thanks of gratitude from anyone. Especially you."

We keep moving and I let Spike take the lead since he knows the sewers in Sunnydale better than anyone does. He leads the way up to the street and I follow, both of us looking around for any signs of the military. We're in the clear, for now, and we take off running towards Revello Drive that's only two blocks away. As soon as the house is in sight, I pull Spike down behind a row of bushes as lights from a Hummer round the corner and are headed straight for us.

"Fuck," I hiss under my breath as we stay low and out of sight. I can still see the house and it's dark. Hopefully the others know the military has hit the streets in this part of town and are laying low.

The Hummer drives by slowly, the rumbling of the engine making my already rattled nerves rattle a little more. Soon as it's out of sight, we take off running towards the house and make our way around to the back door. I knock on the door and within a few minutes, Willow opens it and lets us inside.

"Where have you been?" Buffy asks as she storms up to me. "You just left, Faith!"

"Yeah, to get Spike," I say as I motion to him standing behind me. "We need his help getting rid of the weapons, B."

"And you decided to go out there alone?"

I scoff and make my way past her and up the stairs to the attic where the weapons are stashed. Spike is right behind me and we load them all up in the duffel bags and make sure we grab the ammo that's left.

"What's going on with her?" Spike asks me quietly as I finish packing my bag with the ammo.

"Don't ask me, I ain't got a fucking clue. Slept for a day and when I woke up she was in this pissy mood just like the others are. Let's just get out of here, stash the guns and get back here."

"You're not coming with me, Slayer," Spike says as he grabs the bag from my hands. "This is a one-man job. I get caught, no great loss. You get caught and you get locked up in a military prison with no hopes in getting out. Can't have that now, can we?"

"I'm willing to risk it," I say through gritted teeth and grab the bag back from him. I don't trust him and I know if I ain't there with him when he stashes the guns, we'll never get our hands on them again when and if we ever need them again.

We head back downstairs without him making much of a fuss about my decision and we head to the back door. Buffy is hot on our heels and she stands in front of the door, blocking our way. I roll my eyes as I try to push her out of the way, but she stands firm and slugs me right in the face. The fuck is wrong with her today?

"Where are you going?" Buffy demands and I shake my head angrily at her. "What the hell do you think you're doing, Faith?"

"Doing what needs to be done, B. Jesus. Take a fucking chill pill, would ya?"

"You're not going."

"Ain't gonna let ya stop me, B," I say and this time when I make a move towards the door she steps away.

I feel gutted as I walk out into the backyard with Spike. My heart crumbles as she slams the door behind us. I shake it off, knowing I can't let what just happened between us throw me off my game here. Spike takes the lead again, leading me out to the street and to the same sewer grate we came out of not that long ago. We drop the bags down and jump in. I groan as I hit the ground a little hard and pain shoots up my right leg.

"Let's move," Spike says and he starts walking in the direction we'd come from before. "Slayer, let's move it."

I groan as I hobble after him and he stops me from continuing. He takes the duffel bag from me and walks a little slower, looking back every couple of steps to make sure I'm still right behind him. Instead of going straight back the way we came from before, he heads down a turn that looks like nothing more than a dead end.

"Where are we going?" I ask him under my breath and he motions for me to stay quiet and he feels along the wall at the very end of this part of the sewers. "Spike?"

"Would you be quiet?" Spike snaps at me. "There's plenty of hidden rooms down here. You can thank your old boss Mayor Wilkins for that."

"And you know about this how?"

"Used a few in my time," he replies and from the tone in his voice I know that's all the answer I'm getting from that. "Aha," he chuckles as he pulls a brick and there's a soft hissing sound as a door hidden in the wall swings open. "Well, come on then," he says as he steps inside.

I follow him through the doorway and he fumbles with his Zippo, lighting it to give us a little light in the pitch-black room. It's not much of a room, barely bigger than the cell I spent a year in. He tosses the duffel bags along the far wall and pushes me towards the door.

"We're done here," he says and he pushes me a little harder. I stumble back and hit the wall outside in the tunnel. I watch as he slides the brick back into place and the door shuts quickly. "How's the leg?"

"Fine."

"Twisted your ankle a bit, did you?"

"Knee."

"Can you run?" Spike asks me and I laugh.

"Does it look like I can run?"

"I suggest you try," he says, pointing to four zompires headed straight for us.

Fuck. I try to run through the pain, following Spike down the tunnel. Luckily, the zompires aren't known for their speed and agility so even with a twisted knee, I can still outrun them. Spike disappears ahead of me and I look back at the zompires. They're getting closer and it's getting harder for me to keep up a speed faster than a hobble here. I groan as I turn a corner, my knee nearly giving out on me.

"Spike?" I call out and I don't get an answer. I can't see him or hear him.

I keep going even though I have no fucking idea where I am right now. All the tunnels look the same save for a few faded numbers scrawled on pipes here and there. I take a left and then the next right, losing the zompires that have been following me for the last ten minutes somewhere along the way.

I lean against a wall and rub my sore knee. It's swollen and I know if I don't get off it for a couple hours, it'll be sore for a couple of days if not longer. I lift my head up at the sound of footsteps. They're a bit heavy and slow, but they don't sound like a zompire or Spike. I take a deep, sharp breath and continue on, heading towards the sounds of the footsteps up ahead. The further I walk the more that gut feeling is telling me this is a bad idea. I should turn back, find a way out and up on to the streets and get my ass back to the house. I should, but I don't, my curiosity getting to the better of me right now as I see candlelight flickering up ahead and just around the next corner.

I move quietly and lean against the wall by the corner, listening carefully but hearing nothing more than some soft classical music playing and the steady drip of water coming from one of the pipes. I peer around the corner, holding my breath and praying to the PtB that whatever is around the corner doesn't happen to look my way and discover that I'm there.

I can't see much at first, just the telltale signs that some bottom dweller has been holed up down here. There's a bed, not so much a bed but an old nasty looking mattress on a ledge. There's a table with candles of all sizes on top, most of them are lit, some not. There's a stack of books next to the table and a few other things like a caldron, herbs, and what not. And then I see him, pacing off in the far end of the part of the tunnel he's claimed as his lair.

Roman.

I'm about to slip away before he sees me, when I see Spike chained to the wall near him. Fuck. This is the _last_ thing I need right now. A part of me wants to just leave him there, but I can't. As much as I hate to admit it, he's a part of the gang; he's one of us even if he drives me crazy most of the time. I don't know when I stopped wanting to put a stake in his heart, but I don't even think that anymore. I take a deep breath and try to come up with a plan to get him outta there, remembering that he told me he fought Roman before and that he was able to walk away from that fight.

"Faithy," Roman calls out and I freeze. "I know you're there."

"Ya caught me," I say as I step out from behind the corner with my hands held up in front of me.

"I was just asking myself when I'd see you next," he chuckles as he picks up a long broadsword and walks towards me. "Spike here thought he could catch me off guard like the last time. I may have been weak then, but I am no longer."

I don't say anything as he raises the sword towards me. I glare at him as he takes one more step towards me and presses the tip of the sword to my neck. I look over at Spike and he looks completely out of it, his head lolling to the side as he tries to look over at me.

"You all killed most of my children," he growls at me. "I am not happy with what you've done."

"Children?" I laugh and he presses the sword into my neck a little and I wince.

"Yes, my children. Only came to this world barely a week ago and they're gone because of _you_!"

I stare at him as he lowers the sword but quickly grabs my neck with one of his hands. "Fucking ugly ass children ya got there, Roman."

"Faith, shut up," Spike groans and I smirk at the look on Roman's face. He's pissed as hell and for some reason it doesn't faze me.

"You may have ruined one of many of my plans, but let it be known, the worst has yet to come," Roman says as he tightens his grip on my neck. "I could kill you right here, right now."

"Then why don't ya?" I say through gritted teeth.

"It is not the way it has to be."

"Who would've figured that a big bad like yourself doesn't even have the balls to kill off one of the things that keep fucking your plans up," I smirk and he drops the sword and slaps me hard across the face with his free hand. "Olivia made you her bitch before, so whose bitch are you now?"

"I almost found you there and killed you for what you did to her."

"So then tell me, what the hell keeps stopping you? If you wanted me dead, I'd be dead already. So why don't you fucking enlighten me and tell me who it is that's stopping you from killing me this time?"

Roman chuckles as he drags me over to the wall where Spike is chained up. He grabs my wrists before I can make a move and chains me up beside him. Spike groans as Roman just walks away, disappearing down the tunnel the way I came in and leaving us there alone.

"What the bloody hell is wrong with you, Slayer?"

"What?" I ask as I look at him. "You're the one who went after Roman when we were supposed to be running away from those zompires!"

"I did not go after him," Spike says and he winces as he looks over at me. "He jumped me about half a mile back. I was going back for you when I realized you weren't right there with me. That bastard caught me off guard, smacked me around and chained me to this bloody wall not even five minutes before you showed up."

"Now we're both screwed," I mutter and I lean my head against the wall. I pull on the chains, hoping they'll give since they don't look like they're strong enough to hold a slayer. They don't budge and I sigh heavily before I try again.

"No use," Spike says. The chains are long enough that he can move and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his worn pack of cigarettes. "Roman used magic on these," he says as he waves a wrist.

Spike offers me a cigarette and I take one, grateful for the rush of nicotine that hits me like a ton of bricks as soon as it's lit. I slide down the wall and sit on the grimy floor, trying to figure out how the hell we're gonna get outta here.

Buffy and the others only know we were going to stash the guns. They have no idea we were down in the sewers and they have no idea that Roman has been hiding out down here either. How are they gonna even find us? We're fucked. Royally fucked.

It's always one thing after another, isn't it? Whatever luck I do get, it never holds out for very long and the only thing I've managed to hold on to the longest has been Buffy and the relationship that we have now.

I've been so close to death too, far too many times in the past year. Why haven't I been killed yet? _It is not the way it has to be_. Roman's words are echoing in my head. Not the way it has to be? What the hell did he even mean by that? If I am not meant to die, what am I meant to be? A little pawn in whatever game Roman and god knows who else is playing with me, with all of us?

One thing after another. Should be the theme of my life. When the hell am I gonna get a break here?


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter Forty**

(Buffy's POV)

I don't get her. Always running straight into danger without even thinking of the consequences! Does she even realize what she's put me through since I've been back? Sometimes I doubt she does, or if she even cares, but I know that's not entirely true.

I'm not stupid. I know how Faith feels about me. It's hard to explain and understand, but when I was brought back and she found me first, the moment I looked at her I could _feel_ something I'd never felt before from her. A sense of love, caring, all of that and it freaked me right out. Probably more than being brought back to life and having to dig my way out of my own coffin did.

With everything that has happened between us and all that we've gone through since then, it's been overwhelming to say the least and I'm not talking about anything other than this relationship we have now. It's not perfect, far from it, but sometimes when it's just the two of us, it feels almost perfect and it feels like there is a piece of my life that finally makes some sense.

But right now I could kill her for running off with Spike like that! I told her not to go, but of course she didn't listen to me. Too stubborn for her own good. Like me.

"Buffy?" Willow calls out as she approaches my bedroom and knocks on the partially open door. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah," I say with a nod and she walks in and sits across from me on the bed. "Did they come back yet?"

"No," she frowns. "Not yet. Maybe they're hiding out? The military has been patrolling the street for an hour now and there's no way they'd be able to make it back without getting caught."

I sigh heavily and lay back, closing my eyes as soon as my head hits the pillow. I feel Willow move on the bed and she lays down next to me. We haven't made any time to just hang out, just to talk like old times. A lot of my time is spent with Faith and hers with Tara. She hasn't said much about my relationship with Faith ever since I told her and I gotta wonder why that is. This is Willow we're talking about and if anyone has their opinion about Faith and I and wouldn't be afraid to say it, it'd be her.

I open one eye and glance at my watch as I hold my hand near my face. Three hours Faith and Spike have been gone. _Three_ hours. What the hell are they doing out there?

There's a few hard, heavy knocks on the door and Willow and I both sit upright and look at each other. Those knocks? Definitely not our code. I'm on my feet and run downstairs in an instant, trying to keep as quiet as possible as I do. Xander and Anya are hiding in front of the couch in the dark living room and Xander places a finger over his lips telling me to be quiet. I jump a little as the knocks happen again and I slowly retreat back up the stairs and to my room.

"Who is out there?" Willow asks in a hushed whisper as I move to my bedroom window and peek out the curtains.

"The military," I whisper back and step away from the window.

"What do we do?"

"Don't make a sound," I say and she nods as she moves to sit on the bed again. I stay by the window, looking out and down at the street.

The Hummer parked out front is the same one that's been driving the streets for the last couple of hours and after a third set of hard, heavy knocks on the front door, they stop. Two men walk down the front walkway. They don't get into their Hummer, but instead they walk to the house across the street and start pounding on the door.

"I think they're checking to make sure nobody stayed behind," I say softly to Willow and she nods, looking a little scared and nervous. "God, where is _she_?" I groan in annoyance as I head back downstairs to let the others know the coast is clear for now. "Guys, has Faith come back yet?" I ask Xander when I walk into the kitchen and find him and Anya in there sitting at the island.

"No," he says as he shakes his head. "Not yet."

"You're worried about her," Anya says, pointing out the obvious. I roll my eyes as I cross my arms over my chest. "That's so cute you're worried about her, Buffy. You really do care about her, don't you?"

"Whatever made you think I didn't?"

"The way you were acting when she finally got out of bed earlier," Anya replies. "You acted like a cold bitch towards her, Buffy."

She's right. I did act like a bitch earlier. I've been on edge and I have to admit I am a little jealous she could sleep as long as she did. Me? I was lucky to get a few hours before the nightmares started.

"You'll have to make it up to her," Anya smirks and I roll my eyes as I fight off my own smirk. Sometimes I can't stand the way Anya is and the things she says, other times I just find it funny and she does make a stressful situation like right now a little easier to deal with. "When she comes back, just don't jump her in front of all of us. I don't want my Xander to see any hot lesbian slayer sex. He probably dreams about it enough as it is!"

"Anya!" Xander groans, completely mortified.

"What's going on?" Dawn asks as she walks into the kitchen with Giles. "Guys?"

"Are Spike and Faith not back yet?" Giles asks and I shake my head no. "I'm sure they're taking the proper precautions in avoiding the military, Buffy. I am positive they'll return soon."

"As soon as those guys out front leave, I'm going out," I say as I head for the living room and to the weapons chest Xander made for me. I open it and pull out my new favourite weapon, a perfect sized broadsword that Angel had brought with him from LA. "I'm going out there to find her, to find them, and none of you guys are going to stop me. Something is wrong. I know it."

"Buffy-"

"Giles, no," I say as I stop him from saying another word. "I'm _tired_ of waiting for them to come back and I'm _tired_ of listening to you! I'm going out there and I'm not coming back without them!"

I head for the front door and check out the window, watching at the two men get into their Hummer and pull away slowly. I unlock the door and try to open it, but it doesn't budge. I turn around, sighing in annoyance as I look at Willow. She frowns before she pulls down the barrier spell and I open the front door, slipping out quickly and shutting the door behind me.

I'm on edge and I'm shaking as I stay in the shadows of the front porch, checking a second time to make sure the coast is clear. I don't like this feeling that something is wrong. The last time I felt this way, Faith was gone, trapped in that hell dimension for two months! I can't lose her again, not for two months or a day.

I start down the street, moving quickly and sticking to the shadows, keeping my eyes peeled for any sign of those military guys coming my way. Where would they have hidden the weapons? I try to think of the best place they could hide them. Spike's crypt? He'd never compromise his place to help any of us, that I know. Where else would they have gone? I step on a sewer grate and I know exactly where they've gone. Down in the sewers. Now it's just a matter of time before I find them. There are miles of sewer tunnels all throughout Sunnydale and they could be anywhere.

I really didn't think about this whole going after them plan too well, did I?

I pull the grate up and slip down inside, landing hard on my feet in the tunnel below. I look to my left, to my right and groan as I try to figure out which way to go. I can't feel Faith like I normally do when she's close. It's a tingling sensation that I can feel all over me. That feeling right there is a big part of what drew me in to her this time and a big part of why I always pushed her away before, back in the beginning when she first came to Sunnydale. I decide to head right and keep up a steady pace as I jog through the long tunnel.

There's something about the past week that's gotten me thinking more about Faith and about where we're headed together, whether we can make it work or whether things will fall apart because of the situations we continuously find ourselves in. With her being trapped in that hell dimension for over two months, it gave me far too much time to think about her, to think about how I feel about her. I knew a long time before she went that I was in love with her and it killed me inside thinking of all the things that could go wrong and what would happen if she never came home. I didn't want to lose her then and I don't want to lose her now.

I can't lose her, not now that I finally have the one thing I'd been aching for and never realized that I could find it with Faith. Always thought it'd be with Angel or someone else, someone new, someone that is definitely not Riley or Spike. She has a completely different side to her too, one I never knew she was capable of having. Of course I'm not completely stupid enough to think that Faith could never love someone. She proved that she can when things started between us. I even felt it that night in that abandoned building, the first time we kissed, the first time we-it was intense. Beyond intense and I remember like it was yesterday how angry I was in the morning, how confused I felt because it was the first time I'd felt _anything_ since I woke up in my coffin six feet in the ground.

I come to a stop when I hear heavy footsteps echoing off the walls. I'd recognize that sound anywhere after the last week of dealing with nothing but zompires. I clutch the sword tightly with both hands and keep moving quietly, waiting for the moment I can see the zompire that's ahead and walking in the other direction.

But something tells me not to kill it just yet, but to follow it and see where it leads me. I know there's not a lot of the zompires left in Sunnydale, Angel and Spike blew most of them up, but if it leads me to more down here, I can bring their numbers down a little bit more.

I follow the zompire for almost a mile, keeping back just enough that it can't-hopefully-smell me or hear me behind it. When it turns a corner I feel it. _Her_. Warm tingles filling my entire body and it feels amazing. I take a deep breath and turn the corner, the zompire nowhere to be seen. I can see the soft glow of flickering candlelight bouncing off the dark walls. There's definitely something up ahead, just out of sight and I know that Faith is there somewhere because every step I take, the tingles get stronger, more intense. I lick my lips and keep walking, stopping when I can hear soft voices.

"How are we gonna get outta here then, Spike?" I hear Faith ask and I peer around the corner into what looks like a lair of some sort. "Spike, wake the hell up!"

"Shut it, Slayer. We can't break out of these chains. There's no way we're getting out of here unless your woman comes along and finds us and saves the day. In the meantime, let me get some bloody sleep, would you?"

That makes me smile a little bit. Spike was actually more of a friend for me when Faith was gone for those two months than anyone else. He knew something was wrong, that I missed her more than I let on and I know he knew how I felt about her before we not so subtly let him know we were together on the night of my birthday. That night feels like such a long time ago when really it hasn't been _that_ long.

I look around the area they're in, looking to see if anything or anyone else is in there with them. There's no sign of anyone or anything else and I start walking towards the wall where they're both chained up. Faith is standing, leaning against the wall and smoking a cigarette and Spike is sitting next to her, his eyes closed and arms crossed over his chest.

"Faith," I say with a smile and she turns her head and looks at me, a mix of relief and confusion all over her face. "Hey," I say, taking a step towards her and I reach for the shackle around her left wrist. "How come you haven't tried to break out of these yet? You're strong enough to."

"Magic," she mutters and takes one last drag of her cigarette before she flicks it to the ground. "Roman magicked them up so we can't just break free and escape. He ain't gonna let us go that easily."

"Roman? This is Roman's lair?"

"Unfortunately," she groans and I try to break the shackle off her wrist. It doesn't even budge and it hurts my fingers when I try again a second time. "B, it's no use. Not all the slayer strength in the world can bust through something that's been magically strengthened. You know that."

"How are we gonna get you out of here then? And where is Roman?"

"Dunno. After he chained me up, he just left. That was like almost an hour ago," she replies softly and she grabs one of my hands and pulls me in close. She delivers a quick and sweet kiss to my lips and it makes me want more. "Start looking for a key or something, B. That'll be the only way we're getting outta here unless you go back and get Willow."

That's not an option and we both know it. I want her and Spike out of here, but I'm not going to risk Willow's life to do that. I start looking around the room, looking for a key or something to break the shackles off their wrists. There's a lot of junk down here and a lot of books on magic and other things I can't even tell since I can't read whatever language the books are printed in.

"I'm not finding a key," I call out to Faith before I turn around to look over at her. She groans loudly and points to a chest I haven't looked through yet.

I walk over to the chest. It's not that big and it's locked. I use the sword to pry it open, surprised when it breaks easily. I figured it would've been magicked up like Faith and Spike's shackles are. Inside the chest are clothes and a few more books. I use a piece of rope I find to tie the sword to my belt. I pull everything out one by one, tossing the objects behind me until I hear a soft clink as one of the books hit the ground.

"B?" Faith says as I get to my feet. "I'm guessing that's the key," she says as she points out to where the book landed. I just faintly can see the edge of a silver key sticking out from between the pages.

"Or it's at least a key to something," I say as I snatch it up and jog over to Faith and Spike. I try her shackles first and I laugh as they unlock easily. As I reach for Spike, he stops me. "Spike, what are you doing? We need to get out of here."

"It's a trap," he mutters. "Roman here wouldn't have been so bloody stupid to hide the key where you could find it if you looked for it."

"Or maybe he is," Faith says and she snatches the key from my hand and quickly unlocks the shackles from Spike's wrists. "Come on let's get the hell outta here before he comes back."

"Hold on," I say as I spot a thick leather book that looks different that the others. For one thing, it's really old, the leather is worn and it looks important. I grab it and its heavy. "Let's go."

"A book?" Faith asks as we start running out of Roman's lair with Spike behind us. "What the hell are you taking a book for, B?"

"There might be something in here we can use against him."

"Why _that_ book?"

"I don't know I-"

"Would you two birds save the conversation and bickering for when we're back home, safe as kittens?" Spike snaps at us as we run down the tunnels together.

Spike takes the lead and neither of us is in any position to say anything about him being in front of us. He does know these tunnels better than we do. I'm just not so sure I can trust him even though I know I can, it's just a feeling I can't shake right now. From the look on Faith's face as we come to a sudden stop, I know she's thinking the same thing about him right now.

Spike looks around before he jumps up and pulls a hatch open. There's stairs that lead up to the street-or wherever it leads to. All I know is its up and that's the way we're going whether we both trust Spike or not.

"You first," Faith says as she pokes Spike in the back.

"Don't trust me?"

"No."

Spike laughs and jumps up to grab the ladder and climbs up quickly. Faith goes second and when she's up a few steps, she reaches down for my hand and pulls me with her. The climb up is a little further than it should be which tells me we're not going up and into the street; we're going inside of a building. As soon as I reach the surface, I know exactly where we are. Willy's basement.

There's a loud bang upstairs and we take cover, Spike hiding inside an empty barrel and Faith pulling me inside a closet and shutting the door as soon as the lights are turned on in the room. This closet, or whatever it is, is barely big enough for one person, much less two. I'm pressed so tightly to Faith I can hardly even breathe. I can hardly even keep a hold of the heavy book with one hand and the sword I have strapped to my belt feels like it's slipping off.

I can feel her heart racing as we're pressed together, struggling to keep our breathing soft and shallow so we wouldn't be caught but whoever-or whatever-is down here with us. I hear scuffling noises, sounds of feet running across the basement floor and then another crash.

"What in the bloody hell is wrong with you?" Spike yells and there's another crash followed by Spike groaning in pain.

"Who else is with you?" A deep voice of a man asks, one I've never heard before.

"Nobody," Spike replies and Faith sucks in a deep breath and holds it and I follow suit. "Nobody, I swear."

"Take him up, James," the man orders whoever else is there with him. "You shouldn't be in this town. Nobody but us should be in this town. It is a criminal offense and we're taking you in."

"Aren't you going to read me my bloody rights?"

"Consider this your right," the man replies and I hear the sound of Spike being hit hard and his body falling to the floor. "Take him up now, James. That is an order. I'm going to take a look around."

"The boss said to bring him in as soon as we found him. He matches the description and the man who tipped us led us right to where he's been hiding. Let's just get out of here, Anton."

I feel Faith move her hands to my hips and even in the dark, I can see her shake her head no. we wait for what feels like forever after the men have left before she reaches around behind me and opens the door slowly.

"What the hell just happened?" I whisper to her as we make our way to the basement stairs.

"Guessing the military got tipped off we'd be here, or at least that Spike would be here."

"Tipped off by who?"

"Who else ya think, B? That asshole Roman."

Spike was right. It was a trap, but it was a trap for him, not for us. Faith takes the lead and I follow her up the stairs. The bar is dark and a few tables are broken, chairs laying on their sides and a dozen or more liquor bottles are smashed on the floor. We don't go out the front door since there's no clear way to check and make sure that the military isn't patrolling the street. We head for the back door and step out into the dark, quiet alley together.

"We can't just let them take him," I say to her and she shakes her head no.

"We can't go after him either, B. You wanna sit in prison for the rest of your life? I did a year. Let me tell you it ain't fun. You definitely ain't cut out for the prison life, Princess."

I roll my eyes and follow her down the alley. We make it a couple of blocks before we run out of alleyway to hide in. the book I stole from Roman is feeling heavier now and without hesitation, Faith takes it from me as we crouch behind a dumpster at the end of the alley. There's a Hummer driving up and down the street patrolling. I have no idea if it's the same one that was near the house earlier either. When it passes us again, Faith motions for me to make a run for it with her.

We run as fast as we can, taking a shortcut through a few backyards to get back to the house without being spotted. I'm worried though, not about being caught, but about Spike. If the military has him, the chances of him dying as soon as the sun rises is a lot higher than them killing him first. We can't lose Spike this way and we definitely can't lose him now. Two slayers are better than one, but two slayers with a vamp on their side is even better.

I only care because he was there when Faith was trapped in that hell dimension. He had my back even though I continuously tried to push him away. I learned to trust him the way the others did. He was a friend to me-and sometimes I know he wanted more than just the friendly banter that flowed easily between us. And maybe sometimes I wanted more too, but I didn't _want_ him. I just wanted to feel the way that Faith had made me feel before she disappeared like that.

And then there was that one time he kissed me and that split second I kissed him back before I came to my senses and beat him up pretty badly, so badly he lied to Giles and told him he ran into a demon he owed some kittens to. I keep trying to forget about that one time. The last thing I want is for Faith to know about it too. I know she'd kill him for making a move on me. I know how she feels about him even though she's being all nice and neutral with him these days. I don't want her to kill him because of that one kiss. I'm not lying to her to protect him either. I'm lying to her to save our relationship from failing.

We finally make it back to the house and I knock in code, waiting a few seconds before I try the door. Faith strolls straight into the dining room and drops the book on the table in front of Giles. He looks puzzled as he runs his fingers over the leather cover, but he doesn't open it yet.

"Where did you get this?"

"From Roman. Buffy grabbed it," Faith replies and the others join us in the dining room.

"I'm sorry, did you say Roman?" Giles asks and Faith nods her head as she crosses her arms over her chest. "You found him?"

"Unfortunately. He had me and Spike chained up in his lair. Buffy found us, got us out, but the military grabbed Spike."

"The military has Spike?" Xander asks and she just nods her head. "They didn't see you?"

"Nah, we were hiding in Willy's basement. Don't worry, man. They didn't see us or even know we were there. Spike didn't give us up either."

"Where did they take him?" Tara asks quietly from where she's sitting in the wheelchair that we grabbed from the hospital for her.

"I'm guessing wherever they made their base camp in town. They arrested him," Faith replies and she looks over at me. "What do ya think we should do, B?"

"We can't leave him with them," I reply softly and I feel all eyes in the room on me.

"We can't go after him either unless you want to spend a few years or the rest of your life wearing an ugly orange jumpsuit," Anya cuts in and I just glare at her. "What? You want to go after the vampire and get yourself arrested too, Buffy?"

I shake my head and try to figure out a plan, but it's overwhelming and I'm exhausted. I just want everything to be over. I want Roman dead and gone. I want to deal with the rest of the zompires he brought to our world, to _my_ town, and I want the military gone and life to go back to the way it was before this whole mess.

"I suggest we call it a night," Giles speaks up and there are a few murmurs of agreement around the room. "Buffy, I know you are worried about what may happen to him while he's in custody of the US military, but I will assure you that we will deal with this."

"Deal with what?" Spike asks and I spin around to look at him as he shuts the front door behind him. "Coming up with a plan to rescue me, Slayer?" He quips as he grins at me.

"Spike? How did you-"

"Those men that took me? Not the brightest in the bunch. Broke free of their handcuffs, drove them off the road and headed straight back here."

"Willow, put the barrier back up," Giles says tiredly as he gets to his feet. "As for the rest of you, get some rest. Spike, a word?"

Faith takes my hand and leads me towards the stairs. She smiles a little as I follow without hesitating. She leads the way up the stairs to my bedroom and she doesn't say a word as she shuts the door behind me. She lets go of my hand and pulls off her jacket and for the first time I realize she's limping as she walks over to the bed and sits down. She kicks off her boots and I walk over to her slowly.

Now I hate to say it, but I'm used to Faith being hurt. She always tries to hide it, play it off like it's nothing. It still makes me worry about her sometimes. I know I'm the same way. Being a slayer comes with a world of pain sometimes. At least now we have each other to comfort, to hold, and to be there instead of being alone at night. I think that was a big part of how it came to be between us, well, after the first couple of times since I was angry and lost and couldn't feel anything but her.

Sometimes I still can't feel anything other than her, but she made the anger go away, the feeling that I was lost disappear. I don't want to do this anymore, live this life or be a slayer. I know I don't have a choice, but it doesn't mean I can't get upset about it every once in a while.

"You're hurt," I say as I bend down in front of her.

"Twisted my knee," she mutters and I move my hands to her right knee. "I'll be right as rain in the morning, B. Don't worry about me."

"I always worry about you," I whisper and she smiles a little as I move my other hand to her left leg and slowly slide them upwards as I stand. I kick off my shoes and move to straddle her legs as her hands grip my hips. "I'm sorry."

"What the hell for?"

"For earlier," I say with a frown. "For being such a bitch and trying to stop you from going with Spike to hide the guns."

"Should've listened to you," she says, chuckling a little as she moves her hands up my back slowly. She smiles as she pulls me in closer and kisses me softly. Just one kiss from her is all it takes to get me worked up and I want her. I need her. "I'll forgive you," she says as she pulls away from my lips, "just as long as you forgive me for being so damn stubborn, yeah?"

I nod my head and move my hands to her head, pulling her back in to continue the kiss. We haven't had much time alone together since the night Willow walked in on us in the bathroom. I feel my cheeks burn at the thought of that happening and Faith chuckles as she pulls back from the kiss. I don't want to stop right now and all she's doing is staring right at me with a lopsided grin.

Faith reaches up to tuck my hair behind my ears, her eyes never leaving mine as she trails her hands over my shoulders, down my arms and settles them back down on my hips. She slides me closer to her and I wrap my legs around her waist. Her hot breath is spilling over my lips as she rests her forehead against mine and her hands slip under the hem of my shirt. Her hands are warm against my skin and I let out a shuddering breath as her fingers brush at the clasp on my bra.

I want her so badly right now, but after I acted towards her earlier, I know the only thing I can do right now is let her set the pace, let her make the first moves and take this in whatever direction she wants to tonight.

I close my eyes and focus on the feel of her hands on my back, her fingers tracing over my spine. My heart flutters when she kisses me, the kiss quickly becoming deeper and passionately intense. I moan into Faith's mouth as she stands up a little and lays me back on the bed. She's favouring her left side as she leans against me, hovering just enough so I can feel the warmth of her body but not the weight.

When she pulls back from the kiss and stares down at me, I almost wish I knew what is going through her mind right now. Sometimes I wonder if she looks at me and thinks the same thing.

I can feel the exhaustion, the mental and physical exhaustion hitting me hard suddenly. The weight of the day is resting heavily on top of me and I wish there was a way just to let go of it, even if for just one night. I'm so tired. Tired of everything, but not tired enough to give up completely. How can I just give up when I have someone like Faith in my life now?

Yeah. I never thought it'd turn out this way, but life is sure full of surprises. Especially when you least expect it.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes: Yes, it's a game changer (for me at least) to switch things up a bit and take on this story from Buffy's POV now. I fully appreciate each and every review even if I don't always reply to them! Just know this for sure, the ride is long from over, we're just at the halfway point now :)<strong>


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter Forty-One**

It's shortly before dawn and I'm sitting out on the roof, watching as the sky starts to lighten just over the horizon. I couldn't sleep again, not even in Faith's arms. The nightmares are getting worse and I haven't told anyone about them yet, not even Faith. How can I explain that those nightmares start with where I came back, to me in my coffin, digging myself out? Every outcome once I'm out is different and every single one either ends up with me dead again, or it's someone else. Lately, it's been Faith and I really can't stand thinking it, much less seeing it in my dreams night after night.

"Fancy some time alone?" Spike asks as he comes out onto the platform and takes a seat next to me before I can tell him to get back inside. "Thought I'd duck out for a couple minutes before dawn."

"Cutting it close, aren't you?" I ask him. He shrugs and lights a cigarette. "What happened last night?"

"What part?"

"How did you and Faith end up chained to the wall in Roman's lair?"

"That part," he chuckles bitterly, "is a bit of a long story, Slayer."

"Then answer this," I say tightly. "Did you know Roman was down there, hiding out in the sewers like a dirty, filthy rat? And so help me god, Spike, I will hurt you if you lie to me."

I stare at him as he runs his hands through his hair and he takes a long drag of his cigarette before turning to look at me again. I raise an eyebrow at him and he scoffs, shaking his head and he takes another drag before he rolls his eyes.

"Yes, I knew he was down there. Ran into him by chance the other night when I was out looking for a bite to eat. Had ourselves a little fight before he ran off like a coward."

"You fought the Immortal and you're still…undead?" I ask him and he chuckles softly and nods his head. "And you were going to tell us when?"

"Your girl knows. Told her last night when she came looking for me. Surprised she didn't tell you."

"We didn't talk last night."

"Figured as much," Spike grins and I shake my head, fighting off my own little smile. "You two don't get much time alone. You deserve it."

"Gee thanks, Spike, for telling me I deserve some alone time with my girlfriend."

"I'm just saying. You two have gone through enough as it is."

The way he's talking to me reminds me of how it was with us when Faith was gone for those couple of months. He's trying to be a friend, trying to be the friend he thinks he is to me. This is one of those moments I want to scream at him, tell him there's no way he can care about me or anyone in any way or form because he doesn't have a soul. Vampires cannot love or care about anyone but themselves.

"It's not over yet," Spike says under his breath. "All of this. You know that, right?"

"I know."

"I'm not talking about the bloody military being here or Roman either, Slayer."

"Then what are you talking about, Spike?"

"Everything is connected in one way or form. Haven't you seen it all this time?"

"Seen what?"

"Every one of us and every one of _them_ are just pawns being played by the First Evil and every move every one of us makes; it brings it closer to the end of the game."

"Spike," I sigh as I get up from the platform. "I'm not in any mood to talk to you about this or about anything else."

"You've been having them again, haven't you?" Spike asks before I can head back inside. "The nightmares came back, didn't they?"

"How do you-"

"I just know, Buffy," he says softly and I turn around to face him as he stands. "You're forgetting those handful of nights you slept at my crypt because you couldn't fall asleep here. I watched you sleep. I watched you dream. You are aware you talk in your sleep, aren't you?"

"Go to hell, Spike."

I head back inside, tired of listening to him. I head down to the kitchen, nearly jumping out of my shoes when a couple of lights pop on unexpectedly and the microwave beeps loudly as the power came back on. I stop just inside the kitchen doorway and wait for it. Sure enough, within two minutes, Dawn comes bouncing down the stairs, squealing with joy.

"The power is back!" Dawn laughs as she dances around me. "You know what this means?"

"Real coffee?" I ask, smiling as I head straight for the coffee maker and pull the carafe out to fill it with water.

"You and your coffee," Dawn laughs and she points to the fridge that has been empty for the past week. "Food! Actual food that won't spoil and doesn't come in cans!"

"And hot showers! And TV!" Xander joins in as he comes into the kitchen still half-asleep. "Does anyone know why the power is suddenly back on?"

"Who cares!" Dawn laughs loudly and she grabs Xander's hands, the two of them dancing around the kitchen island.

It's amazing actually how much we took all the little things for granted and here we're ecstatic the power has been turned back on. I get the coffee ready and turn it on, watching it as the carafe fills ever so slowly. I make myself a cup and make one for Faith and head upstairs, narrowly missing Anya as she comes running down the stairs looking thrilled the power is back on again.

I laugh and head up to my room. Faith is still sleeping, practically dead to the world as I walk in and quietly shut the door behind me. I make sure the door is locked before I walk over to the bedside table and place her mug down beside the alarm clock. I stand by the side of the bed and watch her as she sleeps. The more time we spend sharing the same bed, the more it feels…perfect.

"The fuck. Do I smell coffee or am I still dreaming here?" Faith grumbles as she opens her eyes and looks up at me.

"Good morning," I smile and I take a sip of my coffee. It takes her a moment to register the fact that what I'm drinking is not the instant crap we've been drinking for the last week.

"Shit, seriously?" Faith laughs as she sits up, the sheets falling away from her body. I raise an eyebrow at her and let my eyes roam over her naked chest. "Power is back on?"

"Yeah," I say with a slight nod and find it far too hard to take my eyes off her perfect breasts.

"That means the gas has gotta be back on too right? Hot showers again!" Faith laughs and she picks up her mug and takes a tentative sip. "What ya doing up so early for, B?"

"Couldn't sleep."

Faith moans as she takes another sip of her coffee before placing it back on the nightstand. I feel like I'm glued to the spot I'm standing and my eyes are glued to her chest. I know she doesn't care I'm just staring at her. She doesn't mind. In fact, I think she likes it when I stare at her like this. Is that drool coming out the side of my mouth? I wipe at the spot anyway and Faith starts laughing.

"What?" I ask as I let my eyes linger a second longer on her perfect breasts before I look into her eyes. "What's so funny?"

"You are, girlfriend."

I try to hide my smile by taking another sip of coffee. Faith tilts her head a little to the side and bites her lower lip. I know what she's doing. I place my cup on the nightstand next to hers and wait for her next move. She looks me up and down and waves a finger at me, indicating for me to strip out of my clothes. This woman is completely insatiable, but so am I. Luckily for both of us, I just threw on a pair of sweatpants and a tank top earlier when I crawled out of bed.

"What you waiting for, B? Strip."

Her tone is demanding, but her voice is husky and sexy as hell. I pull my tank off slowly and toss it behind me before I reach for the drawstring on my sweats and pull the knot loose. Faintly I can hear the others downstairs, chattering excitedly, but I'm not focused on them right now. I'm focused on Faith as she pulls the covers back, revealing herself completely to me. I push my pants down and step out of them, kicking them aside before I move to the bed and straddle Faith's legs.

Being with her, being like this with her, it's easy and it's fun and it feels right. Normal. That's all I've wanted to feel since they brought me back from the dead, ripped my soul out of heaven. Faith is my anchor in this world and she's the reason I keep going every single day. I want to tell her that, but those words never quite get the chance to make it out. I may say a lot of things to her, but getting that deep, into those feelings and thoughts, I don't know what it is, I just _can't_ say it. Not yet.

Faith sits up a little more and spreads her legs, causing me to slide down a little and wow, that feels so good. I bite down on my lip to stifle a moan and she smirks as she grips my waist and pulls me a little bit closer to her. I move my hands up her arms and sweep her long, wild hair behind her shoulders. I gently run my fingers over the few faded love bites I left there last night along the side of her neck.

"You are so fucking beautiful," she whispers and I smile at the softness of her voice. "B?"

"Hmm?"

"Now that life is gonna get back to normal, or close to it for a while, what we gonna do next?"

"What do you mean?"

"We still gonna do this?"

"Do what, Faith?"

"This. Live this domesticated life together and all that," she says and sighs softly as she looks away from me. "Ya think we're cut out for it?"

"Of course we are. We've been through so much together that living together is going to be easy compared to the rest."

I knew she'd have doubts at one point or another. This is Faith we're talking about here and sure she's grown up a lot, more than I can believe sometimes, but underneath all her layers I can still see the insecurity and doubt she's dealing with every single day.

"I love you," I say as I cup her face and make her look at me again. "I don't care what's coming next or what will happen as long as you're right here with me. Let's face it, Faith, I've gotten used to having you in my life and I'm not ready for that to change."

She smiles and I can feel her relax a little bit. I lean in and kiss her softly, letting my lips linger as she wraps her arms around me. I could spend all day kissing her. I love the way she kisses me and the way her lips feel against mine. Sometimes I have to wonder how I got lucky that I found love in such an unlikely place and with the last person I ever thought I'd find something with. I don't let our past linger anymore, but there are times I do think about it and how I gave her a chance to be a friend, but the darkness inside of her forced her to choose the wrong path.

I'm just happy things are different now.

If it had been anyone else that found me that night I crawled out of my own grave, I know that what I have with Faith right now wouldn't even exist. Whether it's fate or by chance that she found me that night, I don't care what it is, all I care about is that I feel for her more than I have anyone else and it gives me butterflies when I think of what more could be between us if we let it happen.

Faith deepens the kiss as she lifts me up and lays me back on the bed. I wrap my legs around her waist as she lays on top of me. Her hands are everywhere she can touch and I can feel her heart racing in time with mine. I can already tell she wants to take this slow, that she wants to make love to me. I love it when she takes me hard and fast, like she did several times last night, but I love it even more when it's slow like this.

The rest of the world just disappears when I'm with her like this. And I couldn't ask for anything else right now. This is all I want. All I need.

And I get the feeling she feels the same way or she still wouldn't be here. With me.

* * *

><p>It's late in the afternoon before we join the others downstairs. Nobody seems to pay much attention to us as we join them in the dining room. The only one missing is Xander, but Anya quickly explains that he drove out of town to get some real food a couple of hours ago and that he should be back any time now. I take my usual seat and Faith sits down next to me, picking at the edge of the table as Giles explains what he's found out today.<p>

"The military has eradicated the quarantine the town has been under since those zompires started coming through that doorway," he says and clears his throat as he stands up from his chair. "This does not mean it is safe."

"This town is never safe," Faith states and the others nod their head in agreement. "So what then, are people gonna start coming back?"

"It appears so," Giles replies with a nod. "But until the people who live in this town return, _if_ they decide to return, we need to be out there in full force, eliminating what is left of those zompires before they have a chance to breed and grow in numbers."

"What about Roman?" I ask and Giles sighs heavily. "We need to deal with him."

"How?" Willow asks and I shrug, looking at Giles and waiting for him to give us an answer. "How do we kill something that cannot be killed? We've tried to banish him and he came back."

"There is something else that I wanted to discuss," Giles says, completely avoiding the Roman issue. "I am going to return to England for a short while."

"You're leaving us?" Dawn asks and she huffs loudly in annoyance. "You're just going to leave us after what just happened and with Roman still walking around planning to do god knows what next?"

"I am going to return to England for a short while," Giles says again and he looks right at me. "There are resources there that can help us with the First Evil. There are people there that can give me information that I cannot attain while I am here in Sunnydale."

"You're leaving before the wedding?" Anya asks. "Why are you leaving before the wedding?"

"Anya, I did not clearly state _when_ I will be leaving, just that I will be for a short while," Giles replies and she rolls her eyes. "As for the wedding, perhaps it is a good idea if you two wait until life is relatively normal again."

"Wait? Are you crazy? All I've been doing is waiting! I'm tired of waiting!"

"Willow and Tara will be joining me," he says and I look over at Willow with wide eyes. She's leaving too? With Tara?

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" I ask Willow and she nods her head. "How is that a good idea, Will? We need you here."

"Buffy, Selwyn wants me and Tara to come to England with Giles and be with the coven for a little while. They can teach us-um, me how to control my power, to use it for good and to help Tara become stronger too."

"And that's what you want, Tara?" I ask her, fully knowing how against magic she's become and the problems it has caused between her and Willow over the past couple of months.

"It may be the only way we can defeat the first, Buffy," she says quietly. "Sometimes having a slayer or two slayers just isn't enough. The First Evil is more powerful than any of us could ever imagine and we need all the help we can get to defeat it before it turns our world into something else."

"She's right," Faith cuts in and I look over at her, a little confused. "We need all the help we can get, B. We don't know how to fight the First. We don't even know where to start looking to find it so we can try to kill it before anything happens around here."

"So when are you guys planning on leaving then?" I ask, looking over at Giles and wait for him to answer.

"Not before my wedding!" Anya demands and I try not to laugh at the whiny tone in her voice.

"In a couple of weeks," Giles replies. "The coven is working on a way to teleport the three of us there safely. Without some minor complications on our end. Now, there are a few other things that I wanted to discuss tonight with all of you."

I'm still stuck on this whole teleporting thing. It seems too risky and I know I'm not the only one who thinks so. Giles starts talking about how we need to get back to normal, get our lives back on track. It seems next to impossible with Roman still out there planning to do god knows what next to us. The one thing he brings up is the fact that we won't have to worry about the house or the bills. He doesn't tell us how he has it covered and I want nothing more than to question it, but I don't since I don't want to seem ungrateful that he's helping us by doing this.

By the time Xander comes back with several bags of groceries from the next small town over, Anya has brought up the wedding about three dozen times. I head to the kitchen to help Xander put the groceries away and it's just the two of us.

"What'd you get?" I ask him as I peer into one of the five paper bags he brought in.

"Whatever they had left, which wasn't much. It should tie us over for a few days until things get back to normal around here."

"You didn't get stopped by the military at all while you were gone?" I ask him and he shakes his head no. "They just let you leave and come back into town without a word?"

"Buff, there's one convoy out there right now. The rest of them are gone."

"Just like that? Barely one day passes with no hoards of zompires roaming around and they're opening the town up again?"

"You know that's how it is around here, Buff. It's Sunnydale. No matter what happens here, people want to come back to the one place they call home even if it's on the mouth of hell."

I pull out a package of chocolate chip cookies and Xander snatches it from me and opens it, promptly stuffing three cookies into his mouth all at once. I laugh and grab a cookie from it before he can put it away in the nearly bare pantry cupboard. Faith joins us and rather than help us put the food away, she grabs a bag of plain chips and opens them.

"What ya gonna cook us for dinner, Xan?" Faith asks and he laughs as he shrugs. "Ya get any meat or anything?"

"The store was pretty empty."

"No meat?"

Xander pulls out one package of bacon from the bag closest to him. "This was all I could find," he says and he sticks it in the fridge. "Everything else is just-"

"Junk food!" Dawn laughs as she comes into the kitchen and helps herself to a handful of chips from the bag Faith is eating from. "God, I love you, Xander!"

"Just don't let Anya hear you say that," Faith chuckles as she gives Dawn a playful nudge in the shoulder. "Please tell me ya found some beer too?"

"A bottle of vodka," Xander says as he pulls the small bottle out from his inner jacket pocket.

"Planning on saving that for yourself?" Faith teases and he rolls his eyes at her.

"Guys?" Willow calls out for us and we all head into the living room where she's standing with the TV remote in her hand and the TV on. "You might want to see this."

I stand next to Faith and watch as the reporter explains how Sunnydale is no longer under quarantine but that extreme caution must be taken by those planning to return home. It never fails to amaze me how the media, the police, even the government can cover up what really goes on here and that the public always believes every last word. It's probably easier for them to do that than to believe what they've seen with their own eyes.

_"After the recent outbreak of an unidentified sickness that plagued the town, officials have come forward and declared it safe for those residents of Sunnydale to return. The military will continue with their presence in the town, enforcing martial law on all returning residents. The curfew will be from dusk until dawn until further notice. The authorities will lift the martial law when-"_

"Can you believe that? People are actually going to believe that the zompires were people with some unidentified sickness?" Dawn asks, laughing incredulously.

"Martial law?" I say and Faith nods her head. "Does that mean we shouldn't go out on patrol until it's lifted?"

"Is that gonna stop you from doing your job, B?"

"No, but I was thinking it could give us a little bit of a spontaneous vacation," I say with a smile.

"A week of rest may be just what we all need," Giles speaks up. "It'll give us all the chance to recharge and research as much as we possibly can before I head back to England with Willow and Tara."

Everyone is talking excitedly at the prospect of an actual week of downtime. I know it won't make any difference. There will still be the few zompires out there roaming around, demons and vampires, and not to mention Roman.

I sit on the couch, the voices of the others fading away as I start to think of the nightmares I've been having. Too much death, too much blood, too many vampires and other demons I've never seen before in my life. While it's the usual type of dream when I get those slayer dreams, they feel different. Real and they scare me because I _know_ that whatever is coming next, it's going to be worse than anything we've ever faced before.

Sometimes in those nightmares, I dream of young girls being chased down and killed by men in robes. I can never see their faces, but I know those men are downright evil. I know I should be talking to Giles about these nightmares and have him help me figure out the meaning of them and if they're just nightmares or slayer dreams.

And sometimes I see the seal that leads down into the Hellmouth. A seal I've never seen before, but it's there every night in my dreams. I see myself and Faith standing by it with a dozen other young girls standing there with us, and I see us opening it and going inside. When I dream of that, it's when I wake up, afraid to go back to sleep, afraid of what I'd see next.

If I don't find a way to talk to Giles about these nightmares, I know I should at least tell Faith. She has no idea what's going on when I sleep and she has no idea how much these nightmares scare the hell out of me. If I talk to her, maybe she can help me figure out why I keep dreaming of the same things over and over again and that maybe she can help me get them to stop.

Or maybe she's having them too and not saying a word to anyone about it like I am. Maybe she's so used to having nightmares like that that they don't scare her awake and scare her from falling back asleep again.

A week of rest sounds like heaven, but with the way things have been, I know that being able to rest is going to be next to impossible if I don't find a way to shake these nightmares and make them go away.

This is why I'm tired of this life, tired of being a slayer. I don't want to do this anymore. I just want a normal life again. I want to live the way other people do and not have to worry about the big bads that go bump in the night. I'm tired of saving the world. Every time I do, something else comes and wants to destroy everything that I've been trying to protect since I was fifteen years old.


	42. Chapter 42

****Author's Notes:** Yeah...it's been a while...**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Forty-Two<strong>

A month has gone by and things are relatively quiet in town. I'm definitely not complaining. It's nice, but I know that with every day that passes, we're one day closer to having this life come to an end. Giles, Willow, and Tara haven't left for England yet, staying true to their promise not to leave until after Anya and Xander's wedding which is starting in less than two hours.

We've all gotten back to our relatively normal lives. As soon as the military left, about three days after they lifted the martial law they enforced, Faith and I were back out night after night on patrol, never coming across more than a handful of vamps randomly and the odd zompire when we ventured down into the sewers. We never ran into Roman and we even went back to where his lair was a couple of times, the last time showing all signs that he'd packed up and left town, probably knowing we were on his trail. Whatever his plan was when he grabbed Faith and Spike had failed and I'm guessing he ran because he knew there was no way he was getting a step ahead of us again. At least for now.

Everything seems to be going better than it has in months, even with Anya's constant nagging that none of us are paying attention to the excruciating details of her re-planning the wedding she's been waiting to have for months now. The wedding should've happened almost three weeks ago, but with the zompire epidemic, as we've started calling it, it threw those plans off and Anya has been painstakingly trying to figure out a way to make this wedding work.

Now that the day is finally here, there should be some kind of relief that it'll be over before we know it. I have nothing against Xander and Anya getting married, not by a long shot, but all I want is for this day to be over with and for us to get on with our lives without Anya's constant nagging and bridezilla attitude that's honestly been driving us all crazy.

And things between Faith and I could never be better than it is lately. We spend almost every moment we can together and sometimes I ask myself why we haven't gotten sick of each other, why we haven't tried to push each other away or why in the last couple of weeks we haven't had one single little fight over some stupid little thing like we normally do. I know so much of what's making us work is answers beyond what I know. I stopped taking everything for granted when I was brought back from the dead, but even then it'd taken me a while to realize I had to embrace everything I had, big and small.

Thunder rumbles outside as the rain comes down hard and I stand in my room, staring at myself in the mirror and trying not to pick at the ugly green dress Anya had picked out for us to wear. Even with the original plans being pushed back, I still had a little bit of hope that she'd let us wear something else-anything else but these ugly things she calls bridesmaid dresses.

"Hey," Faith says as she stands in the doorway wearing one hell of a sexy suit that fits her perfectly. "You look uh-"

"Horrible," I mutter and she laughs as she walks up behind me and wraps her arms around me.

"Nah, you look beautiful, B. Can't wait to rip this ugly ass dress off ya later."

"Literally?"

"Then we can burn it," she chuckles and I turn around to kiss her.

I slip my hands inside her jacket and she groans, but doesn't pull back from the kiss. She's wearing a silky white tank top and it feels good against my hands. Now I'm wishing we didn't decide to get ready in separate rooms. The past couple of weeks have been nothing short of amazing. Even with as little sleep as I've been getting, falling asleep in her arms is possibly the best feeling in the world. It makes me feel…complete.

"Buffy?" Anya calls out from Willow and Tara's bedroom. "Can you come in here for a minute? I need some help!"

"I should go," I whisper as I pull back from Faith's lips. "And you should probably head over to Xander's place and check in on him."

"Right. So, I'll uh, see you at the hall then?"

I pull her back in for another kiss and she moans into my mouth as I can't stop my hands from sliding up her stomach and cupping her braless breasts through the silky material of her shirt. It's been like this for the past couple of weeks. We haven't been able to keep our hands off each other and every moment we find ourselves alone, we're making out like a couple of horny teenagers. We've been caught in some compromising positions these past couple of weeks, but nothing nearly as bad as the time Willow walked in on us in the bathroom.

"I should go," Faith murmurs against my lips and makes no effort to move away.

"Buffy!" Anya yells and I pull back from Faith and see she's standing right in the doorway now, angry as hell. "What are you doing? I called you for help five minutes ago and all you've been doing is kissing Faith? Did you not hear me or were you too busy groping your girlfriend? This is_ my_ wedding day and all you've been doing is practically having sex with Faith!"

"Bridezilla," Faith mouths as she leans in to give me a quick kiss and heads out. I have to stifle a laugh at that comment she made about Anya.

"Well?" Anya huffs and I look at her wearing her wedding dress. She's really beautiful. "I can't get the last couple of hooks and Willow and Tara already tried."

I motion for her to turn around and pull the last few hooks closed as she sucks in and holds her breath. I lead her over to the mirror and she looks like she's about to cry. Willow and Tara come into the room and they start to choke up a little bit. I can't help but feel the tears sting my eyes a little bit too. There's just something about weddings that make all women all teary eyed and wish they had that kind of love there in their life and that they were marrying the one they were meant to be with.

I still have those lingering thoughts, hopes and dreams of one day getting married. Whether it's with Faith or someone else, it's still there, yet just not as strong as it was when I was younger and less flawed.

"You are beautiful," I say with a smile and Willow moves quickly to fetch a box of tissue as Anya starts to cry. "Don't cry, Anya."

"It's my wedding day, I'm allowed to cry. These are happy tears."

Thunder crashes louder as she takes a few tissues and dabs at her eyes, careful not to smudge her makeup. I head to the window when I hear a horn honk. It's Giles with the limo and he's running up to the house while the driver stands by the back door.

"The limo is here," I say to her with a smile. "Are you ready to go and marry Xander?"

"I've been ready for weeks!"

"Possibly longer," I hear Tara whisper to Willow and they both giggle.

We make our way downstairs as Giles comes inside. He motions for Anya to come out first, holding out a big umbrella for her to shield her from the pouring rain. Tara, with Willow's help, makes their way down to the limo quickly, Tara hobbling a little with the walking cast that was just put on a few weeks ago. I grab my purse, my jacket and keys and look over at Dawn sitting in front of the TV.

"Time to go, Dawnie. Are you ready?"

"Yeah," she nods and she turns off the TV and grabs her umbrella. "They're really doing this, aren't they?"

"Yeah," I smile and let her walk out of the house first.

I'm not completely stupid. I know that Dawn has had a crush on Xander forever and that today is going to be hard for her to watch him marry someone else. But she has to get over it. She's too young for him and he only has eyes for one woman, an ex-vengeance demon named Anya who is now screaming at us from the limo to hurry up.

Oh yeah, today is going to be so much _fun_.

* * *

><p>The hall where the wedding is being held is packed with demons there as Anya's family, Xander's family and a few people I know Willow and Tara invited from school. I look around for Faith, but I can't seem to see her with everyone standing around, mingling before the ceremony starts. I head back to the room where Anya is waiting with Willow and Tara.<p>

"Is Xander here?" Anya asks hopefully. "Have you seen him?"

"He's here," I say with a smile. "He's out greeting the guests."

"Does he look nervous?"

"Very," I reply, hoping that I said the right thing and that Anya isn't going to go all bridezilla on us again. "It's almost time, Anya. Are you ready?"

She nods her head and fights back her tears. I smile at her as I hand her the bouquet of flowers she spent months picking out. Faith pokes her head in the door as she opens it, telling us it's time to get the ceremony started. She looks over at me and blows me a kiss before she heads out to the main room in the hall to stand at Xander's side as she promised him that she would.

I can hear the music as we walk out of the room and I can hear the excited chatter of the guests eagerly waiting for the ceremony to start. I walk ahead of the others and peer over the corner into the room. Xander is standing by the altar with Faith at his side and Giles standing next to her. I breathe a sigh of relief since I was almost sure that Xander would've gotten cold feet and stopped the wedding before it even got this far.

Tara walks the aisle first, moving a little too slowly for Anya's liking and she mutters how she should've given the third bridesmaid spot to someone who didn't have a broken leg. I shoot her a glare, a little relieved that Willow didn't hear her comment and wait as Willow begins to make her way down the aisle to stand next to Tara. I move behind Anya and pick up the train on her dress, taking a deep breath with her as the wedding march begins.

It's a short walk down the aisle and Xander looks more nervous than I've ever seen him in all the years we've been friends. I take my place next to Willow and look over at Faith as she stands there with a smile and stares right back at me.

And just like that, everything else falls away and all I can see is _her_. I can hear Anya and Xander as they exchange their vows and I can see them, but all I'm focused on is Faith right now. I can't help it. The more time we spend together, the easier it is for me to just slip away from the rest of the world like this. Willow gives me a slight nudge that brings me back to reality and I turn to her and mouth "thank you" as the minister announces Anya and Xander as man and wife.

I let a few tears fall as they kiss and I see Faith wipe a few tears as they fall. We follow Anya and Xander as they make their way down the aisle and into the hallway.

"Beautiful ceremony, wasn't it, Buffy?" Willow asks me and I nod my head. I look over at the newlyweds as they walk off to the far end of the hallway, lovingly staring into each other's eyes. "You were paying attention, weren't you?" Willow asks with a teasing tone in her voice. "Because from where I was standing, you couldn't seem to keep your eyes off a certain someone."

"Will," I groan and laugh as Faith wraps her arms around me from behind.

"Check it out," Faith says as she lifts a hand and points outside. "Looks like the storm passed."

Sure enough, it's no longer storming outside and the clouds are gone and the sun is shining. I turn in Faith's arms and pull her in for a lingering kiss. I pull away before it lingers too long and we wait for the photographer to get his things together to head out and take the pictures Anya has been stressing over for the last couple of days. There is an upside too to the storm passing. At least now she'll have the dream pictures she's been wishing for.

"Congratulations, Xander," Giles says as he shakes his hand and pulls him in for a tight hug. "It was a beautiful ceremony. Very touching. I'm honoured to have stood there at your side and watched you marry the love of your life."

"Thank you," he smiles and hugs him again. "Thank you, all of you. It means a lot that you're here on the day I marry my best friend."

Anya is beyond happy right now, admiring her wedding band and smiling dreamily. I feel the tears threatening to fall and I hug Xander tightly, whispering my congratulations to him before I let him go.

"Now, before we go take beautiful pictures my Xander and I can cherish forever, I need to have sex with my husband," Anya says and she grabs Xander's hand, trying to pull him towards one of the room. "Xander, come on!"

"Anya!" Xander is beyond embarrassed right now. "We can't do that!"

"Why not?"

"It's not how things work at a wedding. Typically the bride and groom wait until the reception is over and they're in the privacy of a hotel room or their own bedroom."

Anya groans and keeps pulling him towards a room and I can't help but burst out laughing as he gives in and she slams the door shut behind them. Giles mutters something about needing a very strong drink and leaves us in the hallway. Willow and Tara are giggling and Faith is just staring intensely at me that it makes me want to drag her into one of the rooms myself right now.

"Uh, excuse me?" The photographer clears his throat. I think his name is Phil. "Aren't we supposed to be heading out to the gardens now for pictures?"

"The bride and groom are a little indisposed so it'll have to wait. Why don't you go grab yourself a drink, buddy, and we'll come get you when we're all ready to go, yeah?" Faith says as she grabs the guy by the shoulders and leads him back into the main room, giving him a little encouraging push towards the bar.

I shake my head at her as she takes my hand and intertwines our fingers together. She leads me down the other end of the hallway and into the room that Anya was in waiting and touching up her makeup before the wedding started. She closes the door behind me and locks it, a sly smile curling over her lips as she backs me up against the door.

"You couldn't take your eyes off me the whole time," she whispers as she runs her hands up my arms slowly. "I know 'cause I couldn't stop looking at you, babe."

"Faith-"

"We got about ten minutes," she says, cutting me off by placing a finger over my lips. "Let's not waste it talking."

"We're not having sex here!" I say in a hushed whisper as I try to push her away from me, but she doesn't budge. "Faith, come on. It's bad enough they're doing it right now and-"

She cuts me off again, this time with her lips and gives me one hell of an incredible kiss that makes me go weak in the knees. I can feel Faith trying to lift my dress and I give in, unable to resist her and needing to feel her incredibly strong hands touch me, needing her to bring me tumbling over the edge.

I feel her hand slide along my inner thigh and I gasp into her mouth as she wastes no time in slipping her fingers under the edge of my panties, her fingers easily finding their way to my throbbing clit. I grip on to her shoulders, feeling my legs nearly give out as she thrusts two fingers deep inside me. I look over at the beige sofa along the furthest wall and Faith follows my gaze, smirking as she slides her hand out from under my skirt and swiftly picks me up. She carries me over to the couch and lays me down, bunching up my dress as far as it will go.

"Should've skipped the panties today, B," she murmurs against my lips as she slides them down hurriedly. She licks over her lips before she kneels on the floor and spreads my legs. My breath hitches in my chest as I watch her lean in and lick over my clit, knowing exactly what I need right now.

I throw my head back, biting my lip to stifle the moan that threatens to escape. Faith doesn't let up, increasing the thrusts of her fingers and sucks on my clit, bringing me closer to the edge with every second that passes. I grip her shoulders tightly as I feel the orgasm rippling through my whole body, burning me and she moans as she slides her fingers out and thrusts her tongue as deep up inside of me as she can.

Faith loves eating me out. She's said it far too many times for me to count. She told me once it was an addiction for her, the taste, and the way I quiver for her, the way I felt against her lips, her tongue, and her fingers when I come for her.

"Faith," I breathe out as I push her away a little, not able to take any more of this right now. We don't have time for more and I know she knows it too.

Faith crawls up on the couch with me, her body hovering over mine as she cups me, her fingers idly stroking over my clit as she leans in to kiss me. I push her away again and this time she gets the hint. She gets up from me and helps me to my feet. I try to straighten out my dress as best as I can and check to make sure my makeup is still perfect in the mirror. I turn around to pick up my panties.

"Looking for these?" Faith chuckles as she twirls my white lacy panties around on her finger.

"Faith, give them to me."

"Or what?"

"Faith," I pout as she tucks them into the inner pocket of her jacket. "Please give them to me."

"Let me think about that for a moment," she says, pretending to think about it as she backs up towards the door. "No."

Sometimes she's infuriating when she does things like this, but I still think the way she looks at me like she's trying to be innocent is sexy as hell. Okay wow, libido needs to stay under control right now. There'll be plenty of time to jump her later and get my own form of payback for what just happened here.

Faith is out of the room before I can say a word and I am hot on her heels, following her out the front doors of the hall to join the others as they wait for everyone in the wedding party to be together to start with the "perfect" pictures Anya has been obsessing over.

I have a feeling that during the reception I'll either be spending most of the time at the bar with Faith or we'll be off in the room we just spent the last ten minutes in, avoiding the wedding guests and the rest of the world for as long as we can.

* * *

><p>By midnight, I'm alone and sitting at a table in the corner of the room, watching as Faith is in the middle of a shot-drinking challenge with Xander, Spike, and a handful of other men. She's drunk, like <em>really<em> drunk. I've never seen her like this before and it's a little bit scary because she's acting like the Faith she used to be, not the Faith she is now.

For some reason I thought that tonight would've been different. I didn't think she'd spend most of it _not_ at my side, but at the bar drinking with Spike mostly until they persuaded Xander and a few others to join them. It bugs me to see Faith and Spike acting so _friendly_ when it wasn't that long ago that she would've done anything to find one little excuse to stake him.

After what happened earlier, I had different thoughts about how the rest of the day would turn out. To say I'm disappointed in how this day has turned out to be is an understatement.

"Hey," Willow says as she sits down in the empty chair next to me. "Buffy?"

"Huh?" I blink as I look over at her before I take a sip of the glass of wine I've been nursing for the last hour.

"Tara and I are going home," she says and I nod, not looking at her, but watching Faith as she grabs the bottle of whiskey from the bartender and starts pouring them all another round of shots. "Are you okay?"

"Of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be okay?"

"You've been sitting here alone. Moping."

"I'm not moping. I'm watching. Yep, I'm watching everyone else having loads of fun and getting drunk and I'm sitting here all by my lonesome."

"Buffy-"

"I'm fine, Will, really."

"Did you want to-"

"How can one person drink so much and still be standing?" I ask, cutting her off as I watch Faith take three more shots, laughing at Spike as he stumbles and falls to the floor. "And she promised me earlier that she wouldn't do this!"

"Buffy, she's just having fun with the boys. You're starting to sound a little jealous."

I laugh incredulously at that. I am _not_ jealous. Okay, maybe I am a little bit jealous she seems to be having more fun with the boys than she was earlier when she was dancing with me. I sigh and shake my head, unable to take my eyes off her as she tries to help Spike get to his feet. They both fall over each other and sit on the floor, laughing hard.

"Did you want to come home with us? We have a cab waiting outside," Willow asks me and I turn to look at her and shake my head no. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. I don't want to leave without her."

Willow nods and gets up from her seat. She gives me a quick hug goodbye before walking over to where Tara is standing by the front doors. I turn my attention back to Faith and the others and Xander is now on the floor with them, the three of them laughing hard.

"I cannot believe them," Anya huffs as she sits down next to me. "Xander has done nothing but drink with them instead of being with me! Doesn't he realize that being my husband on our wedding day is _not_ a night to act like a frat boy?"

At least Anya is feeling the same way I am right about now. It doesn't make me feel any better about what's happening though.

"Xander!" Anya yells as she gets up and storms over to the bar. "Get up, now! We're leaving."

"But Ahn-"

"Now, Xander!"

Xander is on his feet and looks like he just sobered up fast at the tone in her voice. Faith and Spike are giggling now and I'm finding it hard not to laugh at the sight of Anya dragging him towards the front doors.

"He's so whipped!" Faith laughs loudly as she gets to her feet and pulls Spike up from the floor.

"He's married. He has to be whipped. Pretty sure that's what she said in her vows."

That sends them into another fit of laughter. I have to laugh too especially after all we've gone through and for us all to be here right now enjoying a night that we almost came close to not even having. Just reminding myself of everything we've all been through in such a short amount of time brings me out of the funk I've driven myself into tonight.

I stand up and head over to the bar, watching as Faith and Spike try to get up from the floor and failing with every attempt. I reach down and help them both up and Faith instantly wraps her arms around me. Spike struggles to stay standing and holds onto the stool next to him, grumbling and mumbling about the last round of shots being too much.

I laugh softly and the bartender gives me a sympathetic look. I need to figure out how to get Spike back to his crypt and Faith home with me before one-or both-passes out on me. The bartender, a young guy, picks up the phone on the wall behind him. I hear him call a cab for us and Faith sighs softly against my neck. I mouth "thank you" to the guy behind the bar when he hangs up the phone and help Faith walk out to the front doors with a staggering Spike following close behind.

"I'm sorry," Faith murmurs as I hold her up.

"What for?" I ask her, but she just shakes her head and breathes in deeply and I know she's passed out on me now. I just hold on to her tight and wonder what she's sorry for.

After everything we've been through, she has _nothing_ to be sorry for.


	43. Chapter 43

**Author's Notes: It's been almost a year since I started writing this story, how time sure flies! I thought I better update before my life gets hectic and the next couple of weeks are going to be absolutely crazy for me. Do enjoy and remember to leave a review :)**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Forty-Three<strong>

I'm watching her as she chases down the vamp that just rose across the cemetery. It's mesmerizing watching her sometimes. I lean against the tree, my eyes never leaving her as she leaps into the air and tackles the scared newbie vamp to the ground. Other than this one, it's been a slow and long night. It was her idea to stay out on patrol despite the whole lack of activity going on.

Faith pummels the vamp a few times and from the way she's holding back, I know she's stringing out this slay as long as she can. I don't say a word, I just keep on watching her. The vamp gets the upper hand for a minute and throws her off him before he gets to his feet and keeps running.

It's only been a couple of days since Anya and Xander's wedding and today is the first day she's been feeling more like herself. I had to listen for the entire day after how slayers should never get hangovers. I had to guess it was the first bad hangover she's had since she was Called and turns out I was right. Nurse Buffy to the rescue. By the end of the day, I knew Faith was feeling a lot better, but she was milking the attention for everything that she could until I called her on it.

Being with her is getting easier. Spending all our time together just feels like it's something we've done for a lot longer than it really has been. Patrolling together is something I actually look forward to and not because there are a lot of times we end up making out instead of actually patrolling, but because I feel safer with her at my side and knowing she has my back.

"What a fucking coward," Faith laughs as she catches up with the vamp and stakes him. "Did you see that, B? Kept running away from me instead of fighting back."

"I saw," I say with a smile and she shakes her head. I can see she's pumped up and ready for more action. "You want to head over to Restfield or do you want to call it a night?"

"It has been a little slow here," she shrugs. "Let's head over to Restfield for an hour and then we'll call it a night if we don't see any action, yeah?"

It's not a far walk over to Restfield and we head to our usual spot that coincidentally isn't that far from Spike's crypt. Faith is chain-smoking and quiet, but I've learned in the last month especially that it's normal for her especially after she's had one slay and we've been out here for a couple hours now.

"Shit," she hisses as she grabs my arm and pulls me behind the mausoleum. "Thought we got all those zompires, B?"

"I thought we did too," I whisper as we both watch the lone zompire shuffle its way through the cemetery not that far away from us. "Giles told us there still could be a few roaming around."

"Guess a month without seeing any of 'em had us believing we did get 'em all. You wanna do the honours, B?" Faith asks as she unsheathes her knife from her boot and hands it to me.

I backtrack around the mausoleum and get myself behind and out of sight of the zompire. I look over at Faith and she's waiting patiently, keeping out of the zompire's line of sight. This one smells disgusting and from the blood on its face and dripping from its mouth, I know that its fed very recently. I grip the small knife in my hand and freeze when I step on a twig and the zompire stops in its tracks.

Faith steps out from behind the mausoleum and I can tell she wants to jump right in and kill the zompire herself. She's holding back. She knows I can handle it. We've fought and killed so many of them during that week, most of it in hand-to-hand combat and not with the guns we stole. The zompire growls as it staggers towards me and I stand my ground, waiting for it to get a little bit closer before I make my move.

I take a swipe at its head with the knife, just barely missing and succeeding in slicing off its ear. It's dangling by a single shred of skin, black blood oozing out. My dinner churns in my stomach and I shake it off, taking another swipe at its head and I miss again.

"Shit, B, kill it already!"

"I'm _trying_ to, Faith!"

The zompire staggers closer to me, taking a swipe at me with both hands. His left hand and long, gross fingernails rip my jean jacket just at my shoulder. Faith is coming this way now, pissed off and looking ready to take care of this herself. Before I can take another shot at getting the zompire in the head, it grabs my hand that's holding the knife and twists it hard.

"Buffy!" Faith yells and she runs at full speed, pulling the zompire away from me and throws it to the ground. "Where's the knife?"

I look on the ground, not seeing the knife in the grass around us anywhere. "It's gone, Faith."

"Fuck," she yells as the zompire grabs her ankles and pulls her down to the ground with it. "Find something sharp now, B!"

I pull out my stake and move quickly to where the zompire's head is. I thrust the stake into his eyeball, feeling sick again as it easily slides right in and pierces the brain. Within seconds, its dead and Faith pries its hands off her legs and stands up.

"Ya wanna bet there's more than just one?" Faith asks, breathing heavily as she wipes her hands on her jeans.

I can't answer her since I'm too busy emptying my stomach on the ground. I wipe my lips with the sleeve of my jacket and look over at Faith as she's searching the grass for her knife. Faith completely jinxed us, I know it. Faith finds her knife and sheathes it back into her boot, happy she found it but only for a split second before she's at my side, her concerned face fully in place.

"You okay?"

"I-yeah, I'm okay," I nod and she looks at me like she doesn't believe me. "That was just a little too much."

"Ya wanna call it a night?"

"No. Not yet."

I don't want to tell her I get the feeling she is right about there being more zompires lurking around. Even though it is the beginning of spring, otherwise known as apocalypse season here in Sunnydale, it's been a little too quiet and I'm willing to bet it has to do with whatever zompires are left hanging around here.

I wish Giles, Willow, and Tara hadn't left yesterday. At least I could go to one of them for some kind of answers and help on the research front. Researching with Faith yesterday, going over the notes and books Giles left us and told us to look at had only ended up with us fucking on the couch and we just narrowly missed being walked in on by Dawn. So, after that incident I've decided researching with Faith, especially alone, just isn't happening, not when there's wandering hands and lips involved.

Faith and I head deeper into the cemetery, passing by Spike's crypt I know is empty tonight. I can't feel that buzz like I do with vamps at all, but I'm starting to wonder if that's because all I can feel is my connection with Faith and it doesn't help she's walking close beside me, her hand just shy of holding on to mine. We head towards our other usual spot, Faith taking a seat on top of one of the higher tombstones and lighting a cigarette while I sit on the grass below, looking up at her.

"I was thinking," Faith says and pauses to take a drag of her cigarette. "Now that Red and Tara are gone, why don't we move into the bigger bedroom? Makes a lot more sense if we did, won't it?"

"But they aren't staying in England forever, Faith."

"It's _your_ fucking house, B. They only moved in their when you died. You sure as hell ain't dead anymore."

"Whatever, Faith."

"B?" Faith says as she hops off the tombstone and kneels down on the ground in front of me. I turn my head to look away from her and she shakes her head, tossing her cigarette to the ground before she takes both my hands in hers. "What's up with you tonight?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're acting all weird and shit."

Weird? "How?" I ask her and moves to sit down cross-legged in front of me, not letting go of my hands. "How am I being weird, Faith?"

"Like you puking your guts out after you killed that zompire. How many of those did we kill a while back and not once did ya lose your dinner, right?"

"That isn't weird," I laugh and I try to take my hands away from hers and she doesn't let go. "I just wasn't feeling so great fighting it, that's all. Might've been whatever I ate earlier that definitely doesn't agree with me."

I know there's more to it, like the whole lack of sleep 'cause of the nightmares thing, but I still haven't told her about them and I don't want to get into it while we're out here either.

"You getting sick, B?"

"No."

"You ain't pregnant or something?" She asks and I can hear the amusement in her voice. I glare at her and she laughs. "Yeah like that'd be impossible unless I had some serious skills or-"

"Or I slept with a man, which _so_ didn't happen since we've been together."

"Good or else I'd hunt the asshole down and rip his dick off."

"Do you want me to be sick again?" I ask her and she lets go of my hands quickly and holds them up in surrender. "God, that's so gross," I say, trying not to laugh as I pretend to look nauseous.

"So, how about it, B?"

"How about what?"

"Moving all our stuff into the uh bigger bedroom? Maybe we can get going on that tomorrow? What do ya say?"

She's right. It is my house and it is my mom's old bedroom. Willow had told me before the only reason she and Tara took my mom's old bedroom when they moved in to help out with Dawn was because they didn't have the heart to move any of my things from my room. And it makes perfect sense for us to move in there now that Willow and Tara are off with Giles in England with no set date on coming back home.

"Okay," I say with a smile. "We'll do that tomorrow."

"Sweet. Ya wanna head out now or stay?"

I know why she wants to go home. That slay she had with that newbie vamp has her all worked up and she has all that pent up energy she needs to release. She's been getting better at keeping how she's feeling on the down low lately too and I'm not sure why. Yet, as soon as we're home and in our room, she's quick to get what she wants. And I am _so_ not complaining.

I give her the look, the eyebrow raise complete with licking my lips slowly and seductively. It always works better than words. Faith is on her feet in an instant and she reaches down for my hands and pulls me up from the ground.

It's a quick walk back home and it's quiet out too. Sometimes I love night as much as I hate it. Sure, there are demons and vamps roaming around in the dark most nights, but it's also quiet since the people who have lived in Sunnydale for a while know it's never safe this late at night. The lights are on in the house and I'm both relieved and pissed off at the same time. It's a school night and Dawn should not still be up at this time.

I unlock the front door and march inside and find Dawn sprawled on the couch watching TV and talking on the phone who I'm going to guess is Janice. I place my hands on my hips as I stand in front of her, blocking the TV. Dawn rolls her eyes and gets off the phone and leans to the side to turn off the TV.

"What?" Dawn asks as she gets up from the couch slowly. "I lost track of time!"

"It's two in the morning, Dawn!"

"God, I know!"

"Go to bed. Now."

"Whatever, Buffy," Dawn mutters and she heads for the stairs, not saying a word to Faith as she storms past her.

"You hungry, B?" Faith asks me as she shrugs off her jacket and hangs it up.

I shake my head no and turn off the living room lights. Faith shrugs and heads for the kitchen and as always I follow her. She grabs the pizza box, leftovers from earlier, and pulls out a slice, eating it cold. I grab a cold bottle of water out of the fridge and watch her as she practically inhales that slice of pizza before grabbing a second one. After losing my dinner earlier, I definitely don't have an appetite right now. Even when Faith was hung over, she still managed to eat the way she normally does-in big quantities and not always the most appetizing combinations like pickles and peanut butter.

Faith smirks when she notices I can't take my eyes off her. I swear she loves being cocky about knowing I can't stop looking at her most of the time. I can't help it. She's gorgeous and sometimes I can't believe I didn't see it before that underneath that hard shell of hers and all the bad she was before, she's downright beautiful inside and out.

By the time Faith is downing her third slice of pizza, I grab a cold beer out of the fridge, twist off the cap and place it down on the counter in front of her. I get a smile in return, one full of dimples that makes me melt and I lean against the fridge, sipping my water as I watch her down most of her beer.

"Damn, that hit the spot. Sure you ain't hungry, B? Only one slice left."

"I'm fine, Faith."

"Ya wanna head to bed then?"

"That's the plan," I reply with a smile. "Although I don't think sleep is gonna happen for a little while."

"Oh no? Why's that?" Faith asks with a teasing smile.

"Oh I don't know, maybe 'cause my gorgeous girlfriend is likely gonna get me naked and…" I trail off as I watch her eyes darken and she licks over her lips seductively.

"And?"

"And do some very naughty things."

Faith chuckles as she wraps her arms around me, stopping short of laying a sweet kiss on my lips. I pout and she just shakes her head and kisses me despite the fact that not too long ago I was emptying my stomach on the ground after staking that zompire through the eye.

I shake my head to clear that image from my mind. At least this time it's not making me feel nauseous. Faith tells me to head upstairs and that she'll join me up there in a couple of minutes. I watch her as she pulls another beer out of the fridge and head out back, presumably to have her last cigarette of the night.

I head upstairs, checking on Dawn to make sure she's in bed. Her lights are out and she's in bed, not yet asleep, but getting there. I say my goodnight and shut her door before I head down to the bathroom to wash up and brush my teeth. I spend a few minutes staring at myself in the mirror, wondering if tonight will be different than all the other nights, if tonight is the night those nightmares are going to finally stop and let me sleep.

I know I should be telling Faith about them. She's my girlfriend and she should know about these kinds of things, right? I sigh heavily and shut the bathroom light off before I head to my room, stopping to peer into the doorway of the now nearly empty room that was once my mother's room. Willow and Tara had packed everything of theirs, most of it going with them to England, but there are still a few boxes lying around. I shut the door and head to my room, leaving the door open just a little bit for Faith and turn on the lamp next to the bed.

"Getting naked without me, B?" Faith drawls as she stands in the doorway just as I start to take off my clothes. I throw my shirt at her and she laughs as she steps into the room and shuts the door behind her. "Thought getting you naked is my job?"

I laugh and she strolls over to me. I watch as she quickly strips out of her own clothes, biting my tongue and resisting the urge to tell her that her getting naked is my job too. She hurriedly gets me out of my clothes, laying lazy wet kisses over my neck and shoulders as she backs me up towards the bed.

"Mm, minty fresh," she chuckles after we share a deep kiss.

She can be such a dork sometimes. Every time we have these small moments, I'm kind of blown away with how she really is underneath it all and I have to admit I fall a little more in love with her every time.

I kiss her again, pulling her with me as I fall back on to the bed. Not a day goes by without us being together like this, one way or another. Our relationship might've started with sex, but it doesn't define it even if it is amazing every single time. Faith pulls back from my lips and stares down into my eyes, smiling as she lifts a hand to brush away the hair that's fallen over my eyes.

"You wanna know something, B?"

"What's that?"

"You amaze me," she says softly and I laugh a little. "You do. You made me into the woman I am today. Being with you, B, it makes me wanna be a better person."

"You are a good person, Faith."

"I am now. Wasn't always."

"Stop," I whisper and kiss her softly. "I love you so much."

"Crazy isn't it?"

"The craziest," I smile and she settles down in between my legs and I moan softly at the intimate contact between us. "When I came back, the last thing I ever thought was that I'd find something like this with you. Not because it's you, but because you're also a woman and you completely redefined my sexuality in every way."

"Heavy thinking night tonight, huh?" Faith chuckles, a teasing smile dancing over her lips. "Get what you're saying. Pretty much the same deal with me except for the redefining my sexuality part. Always had a thing for you, girlfriend."

"So you always wanted to get in my pants?"

Faith thinks for a moment, probably wondering what the right way to answer that would be, but right now I don't care what she says. It doesn't matter. Anything that happened between us before doesn't matter anymore. What matters is what we have together now and I wouldn't change one single bit of it. Maybe the parts where she got kidnapped and then those months she was trapped in that hell dimension, not to mention the zompire epidemic and Roman.

"Hey," she sighs and kisses my forehead. "No more thinking tonight, babe."

"I can't help it."

"Well then let me help you get your mind off all the things you're thinking about right now."

I close my eyes as she trails her lips down my neck and over my breasts. She's definitely good at distracting me from my thoughts this way. But the instant she stops, I open my eyes and watch her as she gets up from the bed.

"Faith, what are you-"

"Been debating for a few days now when to bring it out," she says quietly and I lean up on my elbows and can only stare at her as she opens the dresser drawer and pulls out a black bag. "Thought we'd try something a little new and different. You up for it?"

I gulp and I know exactly what is in that bag before she takes it out. Now I'm all for being sexually adventurous but I still don't know how I feel about this whole strap-on fantasy she has. She's only mentioned it a few times and those few times I was a bit freaked out about the idea of it. We've never used toys, but she did let me tie her hands to the headboard once.

"We don't gotta if you don't want to," she says as she comes back over to the bed and sits next to me.

"What does it look like?" I ask and she chuckles as she pulls it out of the bag. Now that is definitely not what I thought a strap-on is supposed to look like. "Where are the-"

"Strapless," she says and lets me hold on to it. "Better this way."

"It's kind of bigger than I thought it'd be."

"Too much for you, B?"

"No."

"Good," she smiles and leans down to kiss me deeply.

My head feels fuzzy as I get lost in the kiss. I can feel Faith's hands roaming over my body, touching me in all the right places. After one hell of a long kiss, Faith pulls back and stands at the side of the bed. I can only watch as she places the smaller end of the strap on inside of her and my eyes go wide. This is really going to happen.

Faith is looking a little unsure as well, but I'm thinking it has to do with the scared look I know is in my eyes right now. She moves in between my legs and leans down to kiss me long and deep. I relax a little and spread my legs a little more for her. I reach down and touch it and realize that it feels a lot more real than it did a few minutes ago. She's moaning into my mouth as I stroke it and she breaks away from the kiss, gasping as she intensely looks down into my eyes.

I know that she's waiting for me to make the next move. I shift my body a little and pull on it again, watching as her eyes darken with lust. I position it just right and use my other hand to pull her hips closer to me. Faith licks over her lips slowly as she slides it slowly inside of me. I'm so wet it doesn't take much and I moan loudly as she buries all eight inches of it inside me.

"Fuck," Faith groans as I grip on to her hips tightly, not letting her move just yet. "Does it feel good, babe?"

"Yes," I whisper. My hips start to move a little and so are hers. "Hmm," I sigh out as she lays her body more on top of mine.

She starts to thrust in and out of me, slowly at first, building up to a quick, hard pace in a matter of minutes. We're both trying to stay quiet and failing miserably. I wrap my legs around her waist, slowing her down a little bit. We're both right on the edge, I can just feel it, but I don't want it to be this quick. I rake my nails up and down her back, staring into her eyes and hope she can understand that I want to go a little bit slower without having to say a single word.

She smiles at me and I smile right back at her. This is another one of those moments when we're connected in more ways than one and I know she thinks and feels the same thing. I feel it every day she looks at me and I see it whenever she smiles at me.

We're in for a very _long_ night and I cannot wait to see where this goes.

* * *

><p>It's almost four in the afternoon before either of us get out of bed. I'm sore everywhere, but it feels amazing. It was a long night of fucking and making love and discovering new ways to bring each other toppling over the edge again and again.<p>

I'm standing in the kitchen sipping a cup of hot coffee and staring out the window into the backyard. It's a beautiful day outside, the sun is shining as it always does, but somehow it feels different. Like something new and different is coming and I'm not sure if it's good or bad or a mix of both. At least I slept last night without any dreams of any kind, something I've been waiting for months to happen. I feel rested and ready for whatever is next now. I feel almost invincible even though I know the good days are coming to an end.

I smile as warm arms wrap around me from behind and I feel Faith's lips press against the side of my neck as she pulls me in close to her. She's just got out of the shower and she smells so good. I close my eyes and sigh happily as she kisses my neck again in the way she knows I love to be kissed there.

"Where's Dawn?"

"Janice's for the night. Claimed we traumatized her as she went running out of the house when I came down to make some coffee," I reply with a laugh.

"So we got the house to ourselves tonight?"

"We do."

"Are we gonna go out on patrol or stay in tonight, babe?"

I place my mug on the counter and turn around in her arms. "I was thinking we could stay in tonight. Maybe we can cook some dinner together or order in and…" I trail off as I run my hands up and down her bare arms.

"And?"

I lean in to whisper in her ear, smiling a little to myself at the thought of it. "I was thinking maybe I could be the one fucking you tonight."

I feel her shiver and I lean back, still smiling at her as she looks at me like she can't believe what I just said to her.

I can hardly believe it either. Everything has changed. She's changed and I've changed too. Maybe I've changed in a lot of ways because of her, or maybe it's because of how wrong I felt when I was brought back and that feeling disappeared as soon as I had Faith as mine.

Whatever it is, I know I'll probably never find out. And I'm okay with that just as long as Faith is here with me, right by my side, through good times, the bad times and all the times in between.


	44. Chapter 44

**Author's Notes: I've had a really busy month so I apologize for not updating. I do, however, have another story I've been working on, just can't say when I'll start posting it. Hope you guys are still with me on this one!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Forty-Four<strong>

The nightmares are back, but they're different now. They're slayer dreams and every time one of those young girls is killed, I wake up feeling drained and feeling like it's real. The Hellmouth has been eerily quiet too and there still have been zero signs of Roman around Sunnydale. Faith seems like she doesn't mind this downtime we're having right now, but I can feel the change coming and it's making me all sorts of uneasy these days.

We've talked about the way I've been feeling lately. With summer coming to an end, I know things are going to start right back up again in no time. I just hate feeling that something big is coming and we're going to be powerless to stop it. We already know the First is coming-or its already here and just waiting for the right moment to strike and do whatever it is that it plans to do.

Giles called a week ago to tell me that book I took from Roman's lair was full of cryptic messages, apocalyptic type messages and he said he determined that it was a prophetic book of sorts, but not from this dimension. It came from the hell dimension Roman had been banished to and had escaped from. There wasn't much else he could tell me about it, but promised as soon as he found out more he'd call.

He also didn't have an answer as to why I've been having dreams of young girls being killed by men in robes. He told me to talk to Faith about the dreams, find out if she's been having them as well, but I figure if she was having the same dreams, she would've said something by now. I know I'm being all avoid-y when it comes to talking to Faith about stuff like this and I shouldn't be. Giles even lectured me about it too, which kind of surprised me.

"Hey, B?" Faith yells from the kitchen and I'm all curled up on the couch waiting for her to bring me back another fresh coffee. "We're outta milk!"

"Great," I groan and pull the throw pillow closer to me. "Do we have any cream?" I call out and I hear her going through the fridge and automatically know the answer. "Any of that vanilla creamer left?"

"Little bit!" Faith replies a minute later and I smile a little at that.

It's Saturday morning and Dawn has spent yet another Friday night over at Janice's house. It's kind of nice to have the house to ourselves. We don't get many days or nights alone, but Dawn has started spending a lot more time out of the house the past couple of weeks.

"Here ya go, babe," Faith smiles as she hands me my mug of hot coffee and sits back down on the couch next to me. "I should go out later and get us some food. We're running out of the good stuff."

"Okay," I say as I hold the mug with both hands. "Faith, can we talk?" I ask her before she can turn the TV on to watch her morning cartoons.

"Talk about what?" She asks and she looks a little bit worried.

"It's slayer related, don't worry," I say and she looks a little bit relieved but not entirely. "Have you been having dreams lately?"

"I always dream, babe," she chuckles softly and nearly drinks all her orange juice she'd brought in with her in one gulp. "What kind of dreams?"

"Slayer dreams," I reply and she motions for me to continue. "Lately I've been dreaming about girls, young girls getting killed by men in robes."

"Sure it's a slayer dream?"

"It is."

"Here I thought I was just having some fucked up dreams, didn't think much of it. Haven't had real slayer dreams in ages. Almost forgot what they felt like," she says with a sigh. "How come you're bringing it up now?"

"When I talked to Giles the other day he was lecturing me about not talking to you about them. He wants to find out if it's just an overly active imagination or if it's real."

"So, what do you think, B? You think this is a cryptic message or are we actually seeing something that's happening out there?"

"I don't know. They sure feel real. I've seen those guys in robes before," I say as the realization hits me. "Years ago right around Christmas. They're Bringers."

"Say what?"

"Bringers. They are working with the First Evil. I've fought them before."

"So are they demons or humans?"

"Definitely not humans, not anymore," I reply and I sigh softly as I shake my head. "This isn't a good sign, Faith. If we're dreaming of Bringers killing young girls, there has to be a _reason_ for all of this, right?"

"They ain't just girls, B," Faith says under her breath and I just stare at her wondering what she knows more of than I do. "These girls? They're potentials."

"Potential what?"

"Slayers. Like you and I were long before we were Called."

"How do you know that?"

"You really don't pay attention to your dreams, do you, B?" Faith chuckles softly and she takes a deep breath. "Last couple of them I started paying more attention to these girls, how they ran, how a few of them would try to fight back. They're being trained to be a slayer and I dunno I just get this feeling. Kinda like the feeling I get from you, the whole connection thing."

I definitely don't feel that and I look at her, waiting for more of an explanation. Faith looks a bit flustered and confused, almost as if she doesn't know what else to say to help me understand just how she knows these girls we're dreaming of that the Bringers are killing are potential slayers.

"Maybe I feel it 'cause I carry the line," she says after a minute and shrugs. "Whatever it is, I just know it in my gut that I'm right."

"Maybe we should call Giles?"

"I'm thinking we need to, yeah."

"After some morning snuggles?" I ask and I smile the sweetest smile I can manage.

"Fuck yeah, after some morning snuggles and maybe a little bit of a morning fuck right here on the couch," she laughs and wiggles her eyebrows. I can't help but poke her in the stomach and laugh too.

It's not always like this between us. What we have isn't perfect and of course I never expect it to be. We have had a few little fights over the past couple of weeks, but never over anything major. Keep getting a feeling we're due for another stupid fight that ends up with her sleeping on the edge of our bed with her back to me all night, or vice versa. We're both a little too stubborn for our own good at times. Maybe that's why, even when we fight, it just _works_ between us now.

Dawn said to me the other morning that she's surprised we've been together as long as we have. While nobody saw it coming, not even her and I, it's working and I've never been happier with anyone than I am with her. Faith has become my whole world and nothing will ever change that.

"Ya got that dreamy look on your face again, babe. What ya thinking about?"

"You."

"Figured as much," she grins and she leans in and delivers a sweet kiss to my lips. "What do ya say?"

"To what?"

"To a morning fuck on the couch?"

"Faith!" I laugh and I place my mug on the coffee table. "We are _not_ having sex on the couch!"

"Didn't stop you from letting me finger ya while we were watching that crappy movie last night."

"Whoa, too much information!" Xander laughs as he walks into the house. "Morning ladies."

"Yo, what's up?" Faith laughs as she raises a hand and they exchange a high five. "Where's Anya?"

"Working as usual. Decided to open up the shop earlier this morning. Something about preparing for a big end of summer sale," he replies and he shrugs as he takes a seat on the chair. "Thought I'd drop by for a little bit, mooch some coffee off you guys before I head to work."

"We don't have any milk," I say. "Or cream."

"Got any of that vanilla creamer stuff?"

"Gone," I laugh and he pouts. "Sorry, Xander. We kind of kept forgetting to go to the store this week."

"I'll live. I'll even drink it black with heaping amounts of sugar if I have to."

"I'll make you a cup, gotta get some more OJ anyway," Faith says as she gets up from the couch and quickly heads into the kitchen.

Xander looks exhausted and I know he's been working almost non-stop since he and Anya got back from their honeymoon. Sunnydale High has been rebuilt and he was hired a month ago and hasn't had a day off since. It's kind of amazing how quickly they managed to rebuild the school considering not that long ago it was still a burnt out, abandoned building.

The thought of Dawn going to Sunnydale High is kind of wigging me out. I know nothing good is going to happen there, not with it being built right over the Hellmouth. At least I have some comfort knowing Xander will still be working on site for at least another month after school starts and he'll be able to keep an eye on Dawn and any Hellmouth-y things that start happening. At least school doesn't start for another week and then the real worrying can start.

"How you doing these days, Buff?"

"Fine."

"Just fine?" Xander asks and he laughs softly as I glare at him. "You're still worried about next week, aren't you? It's understandable, but I told you I've already checked the whole place and there's nothing there to be worried about."

"Except the Hellmouth."

"Except that," he says with a heavy sigh. "I'm trying to get my hands on the old blueprints and that way we can figure out where the Hellmouth sits under now since the entire layout of the school has changed. I've looked in the basement for the seal Giles told us is over it, but I haven't found anything down there yet. I'll bring them over as soon as I get them and we can go over them together. Sound like a plan?"

"Sure," I reply with a nod and I reach for my coffee and take a sip. "Do you think maybe it's time that Dawn has her own cell phone, Xander?"

"She'll kill me if I tell you no and finds out about it, so I'm gonna go with yes."

We laugh and Faith comes back into the living room with a fresh glass of orange juice and a cup of coffee for Xander. Faith and Xander start talking about baseball and I zone right out as soon as they start. I excuse myself to the kitchen and figure that now is as good a time as any to call Giles and find out if the girls in our dreams really are potential slayers and if they really are being killed.

To say I'm not looking forward to finding out the answer is a pretty huge understatement. At least Giles won't have to lecture me this time on not talking to Faith about the slayer dreams. Big bonus right there.

As soon as Willow answers the phone instead of Giles, I know I'm in for a very long, costly phone call. But we haven't had a proper talk in weeks and I really do miss her. Slayer business can wait until after we've had a good best friend talk that's long overdue.

* * *

><p>After a three hour phone call with Willow and another hour talking to Giles, I feel completely drained. I'm happy that Willow and Tara are happy in England working with the coven to learn how to control their power. Willow seems happier than I remember her being too. She asked me a lot of questions, mostly about Faith and me. There were a lot of laughs and it made me really miss having her here with us.<p>

Giles on the other hand, he had a couple of things to tell me about the slayer dreams Faith and I have been having. Faith was right when she said she had a feeling that the girls in our dreams are potential slayers. Giles informed me that he talked to a few other Watchers in England earlier today and they had heard from others around the world that potentials were being killed by Bringers and the Watchers they were with were killed as well.

I asked him what this meant and how we could stop it. He told me that this is the work of the First Evil and that whatever it has planned, it has begun. I got chills when he said that and just thinking about it now has me wigging out a little bit. Giles also said that he was going to figure out how we can stop the Bringers from killing these girls and for us to keep going on with our lives as we have been all summer.

By the time I got off the phone, Faith had already gone to the store and was back, unloading the groceries she'd picked up. I make another pot of coffee as she finishes putting the groceries away and she wraps her arms around me and smiles.

"How'd it go?"

"I talked to Willow mostly," I reply and she smiles again. "Faith, Giles told me he's heard from other Watchers that these girls are potential slayers and that they are being killed off by Bringers. What we're dreaming is really happening out there every day."

"So how do we stop it? How do we save these girls?"

"I don't know. Giles is going to figure something out. Told us to keep going on with our lives until he figures out what to do."

"That's it?" Faith scoffs. "What, we just sit around and do nothing and keep dreaming about these girls and wait on Giles to figure things out?"

"What else are we supposed to do, Faith? Most of these girls live in different parts of the world! It's not like we can hop on a bus to the next town and save them when we don't even know who the next ones the Bringers are after even are!"

Faith just holds on to me and I try to relax. I don't like this feeling of being helpless. I almost feel like these girls are dying because I'm powerless to help them, to stop the Bringers from killing them. We both are.

I need to do something about this and waiting on Giles isn't helping anyone. I back out of Faith's embrace, frowning as her cell phone chirps and she quickly answers it. She mouth's that it's Angel on the phone and I pour myself a cup of coffee, watching as she walks out into the backyard, talking rather animatedly. I don't understand her and Angel's relationship. I know he was there for her while she was in prison and that they had bonded in some weird way. I know that he's helped her get on her path to redemption and that he's the reason she's out of jail and back in Sunnydale.

I'm not jealous. Not at all. I'm happy she's found a friend in him especially after what happened before when she poisoned him and then when she tried to kill him when she ended up down in LA after the whole body-swap spell we went through. Those are memories I'd rather not have as they're memories that remind me how much we've been through. They also remind me that people can change and grow and fall in love with each other when they least expect it.

Every day I'm reminded that our lives are entirely different now. I take one look at Faith and I can't imagine going through the motions, day after day, without her by my side. I can't imagine how different things would be if we never ended up together. Would we just be friends? Would it have gone back to the way it was before when we were enemies?

I don't even want to know the answer to that. What we have now and where we are together, I don't want anything else but that.

Faith strolls back inside and shuts the back door behind her. She doesn't look too happy, but that doesn't stop her from wrapping her arms around me and pulling me in for a heated, passionate kiss. Something is wrong, I can just feel it. I gently push her back and she sighs heavily, shaking her head as she tries to kiss me again.

"Faith, what's going on?"

"What's going on is I just wanna kiss you right now."

"Faith," I say as I keep her at arm's length. "What did Angel want?"

"He's got a lot of shit on his plate right now," she says and she laughs a little bit. "Of all the people he's got down in LA, he calls me to talk and let off a little bit of steam."

"Is that all?"

"No. Asked me if I was up for a trip down to LA. Told him I'd talk to you about it first."

"How long is this trip gonna be?" I ask her, smiling at the fact that she's coming to me first before making a decision. The smile fades however when I realize the only reason she's asking is because she's going there alone. As in without me.

"B, it's just for a couple of days."

"Business or pleasure?"

"Both," she says and laughs a little. "And don't worry, B, nothing is gonna happen to me. Not like last time."

Last time she went to LA, I didn't see her for two and a half months! I cross my arms over my chest, conflicted because I don't want to say no and have us end up fighting and I don't want to say yes either. I'm not losing her again!

"B?" Faith says softly as she places her hands on my shoulders. "I promise you nothing is gonna happen while I'm down there."

"Do you _have_ to go alone or do you _want_ to go alone?"

I see her lips twitch a little bit and I know whatever comes out of her mouth next I'm not going to like what I hear.

"It's not what you think," she says and I try to step away from her but she tightens her grip on my shoulders to keep me where I am. "Angel said it was up to me whether you came with or not."

"So you _want_ to go alone then? That's fine, Faith. Do whatever you want to do," I say as I push her away and head out of the kitchen with her hot on my heels.

"Buffy, don't be like this," Faith says as she gets in front of me and blocks the way up the stairs. "It's just gonna be like two days, tops."

"Fine," I say and she sighs heavily as she steps to the side and lets me go up the stairs.

"Fuck," I hear her mutter and she quickly follows me up the stairs and into our bedroom. "B?"

"What, Faith?"

She raises her hands up in front of her and keeps her distance. I sit down on the edge of the bed and stare right at her. We're right on the edge of really fighting and I don't want to do this right now. Even though I kind of understand why she'd want to go to LA for a couple of days without me, I'm not happy about it. And I'm not happy that I'm not happy about it. What have I turned into? Have I really become the psycho girlfriend who won't let her girlfriend go away on a spontaneous mostly work related trip to LA?

"If it makes ya feel any better, I don't wanna go alone," she says and I roll my eyes. "I thought maybe a few days ain't gonna hurt, you know? Gives us a reason to miss each other and when I come back…" she trails off and wiggles her eyebrows and I can't help but smile at that.

"Faith-"

"We've had a pretty good summer, you know? Relatively quiet and uneventful. Angel needs a hand with a nest of demons and you know me, if I don't get to slay anything heavy for a while I get all sorts of worked up in ways that I can't shake off. And," she pauses and sighs heavily as she moves to sit next to me on the bed. "I was thinking maybe it wouldn't hurt for us to be apart for a couple of days. We haven't been away from each other for more than a couple of hours in months, B, and as much as I love you, I'm getting that itch to get some much needed time alone."

"You're getting sick of being with me all the time, aren't you?"

"Fuck no! That's not what I was saying, babe. The way I understand this whole relationship thing, you can't spend every waking moment together and expect everything to keep going good and get better. Fuck, maybe I shouldn't even have bothered talking to you about it and just told Angel to forget about it."

"I don't want you to feel like I'm forcing you to stay here."

"I don't, B. Just thought I'd run it by ya, see what you thought. Didn't think me going down there alone was gonna be such a big fucking issue here," she sighs and wraps an arm around my shoulders. "You're afraid something is gonna happen while I'm gone, aren't you?"

I nod my head and she pulls me in and kisses my temple. She lifts a hand to tilt my chin so I'm facing her and she plants the sweetest kiss on my lips.

"Look what's happened to me," Faith chuckles. "I'm a big fucking softy now. How'd that happen again?"

I roll my eyes and try not to laugh. "I think who you always played yourself off to be was just for show and that this is who you really are."

"It's who I am _now_," she says evenly. "B, like I said, if me going alone is a big issue here, come with me."

"We have responsibilities of our own here, Faith."

"Yeah, responsibilities that we're waiting for answers on how to deal with it from Giles. Do ya really think he's gonna figure it out in a couple of days, B?"

She's right, but I don't need to tell her that. Now all I'm worried about is Dawn. With school starting soon, I wanted to spend a little bit of time with her and that hasn't been happening with her spending all her time with Janice lately either. I wanted to get her started on training more, being prepared to take care of herself if she ever came across a vampire or two while by herself.

"And Dawnie?"

"Bring her with," Faith replies. "I'm sure she'd love to get away from here for a couple of days."

She doesn't give me a chance to give her an answer and she wraps her arms around me and kisses me nice and deep. I find it so impossibly hard to say no to her now. I kiss her back, getting lost in the feel of her lips against mine and the feel of her wandering hands as they make their way underneath my shirt. I move to straddle her legs and she lets out a moan as I slide my fingers through her hair and grasp the back of her head.

I have to stop her when her hands move to the button on my jeans. It's too easy to give in and let her take what she wants and have her naughty way with me and vice versa. We just had a pretty heavy conversation that was bordering on a fight and now she wants to kiss and make it all better? I move her hands away, but I don't stop kissing her. I can almost feel how frustrated she is as she tries to move her hands back to the button on my jeans.

"Faith," I breathe out as I barely break away from the kiss. "Not right now."

She grunts and pulls back enough to look into my eyes. "Sorry, B. You know me. Can't control myself much when I'm around you."

I smile a little and don't move from where I am. I move a hand to cup her cheek and stroke my thumb over her dimple. I move my thumb over to her lower lip and smile again as she pokes out her tongue a little, stroking over the tip of my thumb lightly. I have fallen so deeply in love with this woman that sometimes it actually hurts and at the same time it makes me want to stop everything else and forget about the rest of the world. She _is_ my world in a lot of ways, that much is for sure and I know she knows it too and I know she feels the same way without having to hear her say it.

Love is a crazy thing and we found something together that no words can ever describe. What we have is almost untouchable-or so I like to believe, but that could be the romantic inside of me wanting so much more than what we have now.

I get lost sometimes when I just stare into her eyes. The depth of her soul is much deeper than what I already know. There is so much I don't know about her and even though I can't wait to find out everything there is about her, I know that some of those things will scare me and push me away once she breaks down the last of her walls and tells me. There is also so much she doesn't know about me, but with her, I get this feeling that no matter what it is she doesn't know about me, what I don't know about her is completely on a different level.

"So?" Faith sighs as I drop my hand and reach for one of hers. "You gonna come with me, B?"

"No."

"No?" Faith looks so confused. "After all that, you ain't gonna come?"

"No. You go," I say softly and she tilts her head to the side with an eyebrow raised. "Maybe you're right. Maybe we do need a couple of days apart. It might be good for us and when you come back…" I trail off and mimic the look she'd given me before and she laughs.

"Okay, if ya say so, B," she says and licks over her lips salaciously. "How about we get a little head start on the whole "welcome home" thing?"

"Faith…"

I still can't say no to her and she knows it. I give in and let her kiss me with all that she has. I break away from her momentarily to glance at the clock. At least Dawn won't be home for another couple of hours and that gives us more than enough time to have some serious alone time together.

More than enough and yet, it's never enough. I just can't get enough of her even when she drives me absolutely crazy.


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter Forty-Five**

I never thought it'd feel so…different without Faith here. Sure, she's been gone before plenty of times, but in the last couple of months, we've hardly spent any time apart and right now, it's killing me and it's only been just over a day since she went down to LA. I haven't even spoken to her since she left and the four voice messages I left on her phone since then haven't been returned. I'm trying hard not to make such an issue out of it, but after the other night and the almost fight we had and what happened afterwards-including Dawn walking in on us unintentionally, I thought she'd at least call me last night.

I'm turning into one of those psycho girlfriends, aren't I? That's just…perfect.

"Hey, Buffster," Xander says cheerfully as he comes in the back door. "I brought donuts! Plenty of jellies to fill our bellies."

I laugh a little as he places the box of donuts on the counter near me and helps himself to a cup of freshly brewed coffee.

"What's up?" Xander asks when he turns to look at me. "Don't tell me," he stops me before I can say a word. "The whole world is ending because you haven't talked to Faith since she left?"

"Please don't patronize me, Xander."

"I'm not!" He says as he throws his hands up in defense. "Buff, can I be the good friend right now and tell you this moping thing you've got going on is not healthy?"

"I'm not moping!"

"Come on," he says as he moves to stand in front of me and places his hands on my shoulders. "So she needed some time apart. It's not the end of the world. You know that, right?"

"I know, Xander. I am not moping!" I pout and he smiles a little and shakes his head. "I'm not! Is it such a crime that I miss her?"

"Not at all. Now you know I wasn't all for the Buffy and Faith relationship thing in the beginning, but I get it now. You two are good for each other. Not to mention, hello sweaty naked slayer sex."

"Xander!" I laugh as I playfully hit him in the shoulder. "Please don't tell me that's still high up on your fantasy list. It's all sorts of…ew."

"Not in my mind."

"Xander, get a new fantasy," I say as I shoot him a warning glare and he steps back, chuckling as he grabs a jelly donut out of the box and takes a big bite. "What are you doing here now anyway? Aren't you working today?"

"Yeah, but I'm heading in late. Water pipe broke overnight and there's a crew cleaning it. I got some time to kill so I thought to myself, what better way to kill some time than to come patronize Buffy?"

"Nothing Hellmouth-y, is it?"

"Human error. Someone drilled into the pipe, caused it to break," Xander replies and he shrugs it off as if it's nothing. "Have you gotten Dawnie her back to school gift yet?"

"Not yet. I was going to go today."

"Do you want a ride to the mall?"

"Sure," I reply with a smile and reach for one of the donuts and take a bite. "Xander, can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything except for things that Anya will rip me a new one for, things which shall never be named."

I don't even want to know. If Faith was here right now, she'd be teasing him relentlessly.

"Do you think anything would be different if Faith hadn't been there for me when I came back?"

He nods his head slowly. "Buff, you were a wreck when you came back. I don't think any of us could've brought you back from whatever darkness you were going through when you came back. Faith, she didn't give up on you. Not once. And besides, you never actually talked about how you two ended up together. Seems like it came out of nowhere."

"It was out of nowhere. One minute we're fighting and we hate each other, the next…" I trail off as I remember that day in the abandoned house, the things we said to each other, the fight, then the kissing and one thing led to another. "It just happened."

"Who jumped who?"

I laugh and point to myself. "I jumped her surprisingly," I reply and he looks like he just checked out, succumbing to the fantasies playing out in his head. I reach out and smack him playfully across the back of the head. "Xander, stop thinking about me and Faith having sex. Find a new topic."

"A new topic on what?" Dawn asks as she comes into the kitchen still wearing her pajamas and looking half-asleep. "What'd I miss?"

"Nothing, Dawnie. Good morning," I reply and I smile at her. She just rolls her eyes and heads straight for the fridge and grabs the carton of orange juice. "I was thinking maybe the two of us could go out on patrol together tonight. What do you think?"

"Really?" Dawn asks and she looks a little bit surprised that I even asked her. "I thought after the last time you wouldn't think I was ready or capable of going out there again."

"You're a good fighter and you still have a lot to learn. I want you to be prepared for anything that's out there, Dawnie."

"Okay. I'm going to Janice's later. What time do you want me home?"

"Before nine."

Dawn nods and leaves the kitchen with a full glass of orange juice in her hand. Xander is just standing there, happily eating another donut and I roll my eyes as I take a sip of my coffee. Things have gotten back to normal for the most part, something I'd been wishing for for a while now. Even though there's something lingering with the First Evil, things are relatively good right now.

Xander and I head out as soon as I finish my coffee, but my mind isn't in the now, it's still stuck on Faith and the fact that she hasn't bothered to call since she left. I know she told me she'd be busy helping Angel and the LA crew out with a little demon nest problem they have right now, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have five minutes to call me back, does it? I hate that I can't stop thinking about her right now and it's driving me crazy. I hate that I keep wondering if she's thinking about me too.

I've definitely turned into that psycho girlfriend.

* * *

><p>I watch Dawn as she takes down her third newbie vamp of the night, confident that she can handle herself without having to step in and help her. I'm so proud of her and she's come a long way over the summer, improving on her aim and her fighting skills better than I imagined she would be able to.<p>

Everything in Sunnydale is pretty much back to normal aside from that stray zompire Faith and I happen to stumble upon. I have a feeling though that it won't be long until Roman shows his face again and things aren't going to be pretty when that happens. But until then, I'm going to enjoy the way things are now and try not to think about how _tired_ I am of being a slayer. It's not like I can just give up, call it a day and expect Faith to do it all on her own. If Mom was here, that's exactly what she'd be pressing for me to do too.

"Buffy, did you see that?" Dawn laughs as she wipes the dust off her jeans. "I totally kicked his ass!"

"I saw and I'm proud of you, Dawnie," I say with a smile and she joins me where I'm sitting by a tree. "Do you want to call it a night or stay out for a little bit longer?"

"One more," she smiles. "Just let me get one more and we'll call it a night."

"Okay. Whatever you want," I smile back and she looks so proud of herself right now and she has every reason to. "So, Monday you're going to face the biggest challenge of your life."

"I'm already in high school, Buffy."

"But this isn't just any high school," I say and she nods her head, having heard this story a million times already. I can't help it. I'm just worried that something is going to happen-a lot of something's.

"You don't need to worry about me. As you can see, I can handle myself."

"I know, but there are a lot of things you're not ready for."

"I'll be fine, Buffy."

I know she'll be fine. I give her a little hug and she's up on her feet at the first sign of the dirt shifting over the fresh grave about ten feet away. I give her a nod and she heads straight for it, waiting as the vamp crawls its way out of the ground.

I shudder and wrap my arms around myself, trying to forget what it was like when I had to do that, when I had to crawl out of my own grave. It's still hard for me to think about everything that happened that night and I can't ever shake that feeling unless I'm with Faith. She's become my anchor to this reality and when I'm around her, those feelings disappear almost completely. It's why I'm so drawn to her, why I've fallen so in love with her, and it's why I don't ever want to lose her.

And it's not easy for me to fall in love with just anyone. The only one I loved that came easily was Angel, and Faith is different. As soon as I had stopped fighting that feeling, everything just came together almost perfectly. God, I'm so in love with that woman that sometimes it hurts-in a good way.

I pull myself out of the Faith-haze I've fallen into and turn my attention back to Dawn. I leap to my feet the instant the vamp grabs her from behind and moves in to feed. I run at full speed and yank him off her, throwing the vamp towards the headstone on the grave it crawled out of.

"Are you okay?" I ask her and check her neck. It barely had the chance to sink its fangs in her but she's still bleeding.

"I'm fine. It's just a scratch."

I motion for her to move back and I pull my stake out of my back pocket. I am pissed off now. No vamp gets that close to anyone with me around, especially not my little sister. I quickly stake the vamp, not in the mood for a full on fight and I rush over to Dawn, checking her neck again a little more closely.

"Buffy, I'm fine. Look, it's already stopped bleeding."

"I'm just making sure," I reply and I shake my head a little. "You did good, Dawn, but one thing you forgot. You know what that is?"

"Never turn your back on a vamp for one second."

"Good. Let's go home."

"No," she says, shaking her head as she crosses her arms over her chest. "I said one more and you totally took it from me!"

"It got too close. You're tired and you're getting sloppy, Dawn."

"One more, Buffy. Please?"

I've created a monster. I give in and we head to another part of the cemetery together. I feel that buzz that tells me there's more than one vamp nearby now. Two vamps I can handle with Dawn, but any more than that and it's going to get a little tougher for me to keep her safe. I fall back and let Dawn go ahead without me. I take a good look at my surroundings, looking for any sign of movement in the darkness.

I pull my stake out and grip it tight, taking a left and heading towards the tall mausoleum to my left. I look back over at Dawn and she's just standing there, looking around, just waiting for a vamp to jump out at her so she can fight. I've definitely created a monster, but at least I _know_ she can handle herself _if_ she doesn't turn her back for that split second.

I'm positive that Giles would be proud of me for training with Dawn, but then again I'm sure he'd tell me what I'm doing is stupid too. If he was still here, he'd probably try to stop me from helping Dawn learn how to protect herself. I love him like a father and all, but sometimes I love to hate him too. I still feel like we need him here with us and at the same time I know we don't really need him. It's a contradiction, but it is how it is. And even I know that Dawn needs this right now. She's proven herself to me, but she still needs to know the basics in the art of slaying.

Call me crazy, but I've been getting this feeling for a few days now that change is coming and it's definitely not change of the good kind either.

Turns out I was right before about there being a couple of vamps nearby. I walk around the mausoleum and sure enough, there's two of them standing there, talking quietly too each other, completely oblivious to my presence. I grip my stake and grin as I walk right up behind them and tap the one on the left on the shoulder.

"Hi," I smile sweetly as he turns to me and growls. "I'm Buffy, the vampire slayer and you are?"

"Lucas."

"Kill her," the other one yells as he makes a grab for me, but I'm quicker than he anticipated me being and I duck out of the way while sweeping my legs under Lucas' and send him tumbling to the ground.

"Planning on how to get your dinner tonight, are you boys? Did I interrupt?"

"You did," the other one chuckles as he heads straight for me. "But dinner just walked right into our hands, didn't it?"

"You wish."

I can see Dawn heading straight towards us and I don't know if that's such a good idea. These guys look a little stronger than a couple of newbie vamps that I know Dawn can handle, no problem. I don't let Dawn become a distraction, and I jump into the fray, kicking the tall, nameless vamp in the chest before spinning around to grab Lucas by the front of his worn leather jacket.

This one is different. He's not like the other one. He was a little too friendly before when I approached them. I throw him towards Dawn, knowing she can handle this one and I head for the other and boy is he mad.

Good. I can handle a pissed off vampire any day. Makes for a bit of a harder fight, but it's nothing I can't handle. I've been waiting for a while for a good fight. Oh god, I'm turning into Faith, aren't I?

"Slayer," the vamp growls lowly as he takes a swing at my head and just narrowly misses as I duck out of the way. "I'm going to enjoy drinking you dry."

"Love to see you try, big boy."

He gets a good punch in, one I'm too slow to duck away from. I shake it off and circle him, trying to figure out the quickest way to bring him down. Knowing that it's a stake in the heart, I just have one problem I realize when I try to lunge the stake into his chest and he grabs my wrist, bending it in a way it should never bend. He's too quick for me and isn't going down without a fight.

"Buffy!" Dawn yells and I look over at her, watching as the other vampire, Lucas, starts running in the opposite direction. "He's getting away! What do I do?"

"Chase him!"

The vampire I turned my back on-stupidly-now has his big, meaty hands around my neck and I struggle to get out of his hold. The stake I had before is lying on the ground a few feet away, but what he doesn't know is I have another one tucked inside my jacket pocket. With one hand holding onto one of his arms, trying to keep him from choking the life out of me, I use the other to grab the stake.

I struggle to reach out and stake him, but he's holding me too far from his chest and I can't quite make it. I kick my feet, struggling to breathe now and I have to drop my stake, placing my other hand around one of his, trying desperately to loosen his grip on me. If he wanted me dead, he could've snapped my neck by now, but he hasn't. I think he's getting off on making me struggle.

Asshole.

Oh, dusted. I fall to my knees and breathe in deeply, the fresh air hitting my lungs hard. I look up and see Spike standing there with a stake in his hand, cigarette dangling from his lips and a slight smirk as he holds a hand out towards me.

"Thought it looked like you needed a hand over here, Slayer."

"Gee thanks, Spike," I mutter as I slap his hand away and get up to my feet without his help. "I could've handled it on my own."

"Sure," he says as he narrows his eyes at me. "Looks like you were handling it just fine before I happened to walk by."

"And by happened to walk by, you mean stalking me?"

"Hardly. Get over yourself, Slayer. I was just headed back to my old crypt to get a few things for the new place to spruce it up a touch."

"A new place?" I ask as I pick up the stake that I dropped a few minutes before and tuck it in my pocket. I look around for the other one and spot it a few feet away. "And where is this new place of yours, Spike, and where have you been all summer?"

"Miss me, did you?" Spike laughs and I cross my arms over my chest. Sure it's only been what, a month since I last saw him at Xander and Anya's wedding, but Spike is _always_ around. "I had a few things to deal with. Should've been gone longer but my luck held out."

"What are you talking about?"

"I couldn't catch him," Dawn says breathlessly as she jogs over towards us. "Spike, you're back?"

"Barely left, Dawnie."

"You couldn't catch him?" I ask her, sighing heavily and look back in the direction she'd just come from. "Where did you lose him?"

"By the gates."

"Spike, can you do me a favour?" I ask him even though I really don't want to ask him to do anything for us right now. "I need you to make sure Dawn gets home safe. I have a vampire to hunt down and it's already late."

"But you said I-"

"You had a chance to get one more, Dawn, and you're done for the night. It's late and you should be home and in bed. Spike, please?"

"Come on," he says to Dawn as he throws an arm over her shoulders. "Let's get you home. Slayer, do watch yourself, will you? Don't need your girlfriend coming back to you being hurt and thinking it's all my doing."

I roll my eyes and watch them walk away, heading in the direction of the side entrance and the one that's the quickest way back to the house. There is something a little bit off with Spike tonight. I can't put my finger on it. It's in the way he looked at me, which isn't all that different than the way he always looks at me like he wants a piece of me, to eat and for other reasons I do _not_ want to think of. There was something different in his eyes tonight, that's for sure and it's a little unnerving that I don't know what it is. It just seemed like there was _life_ in his eyes and it's something that I've never seen in him before.

But I've seen it in Angel whenever I looked into his eyes.

Does Spike have a soul now? How is that even possible? No, it's not possible. Spike can't have his soul back. His soul has long since been dead. Even if he got his soul back, he should be crazy. Angel told me how he lost his mind when his soul was shoved back inside of him and that it took him a long time before he could be relatively normal again. I shake my head and start running towards the main gates in search of the vampire that got away from Dawn.

I keep trying to take my mind off Spike, but I can't. I need to know if what I'm thinking is real or if I'm just so emotionally exhausted right now that I'm seeing things that aren't even there. Giving up on the vampire that got away, I head for the house, fully expecting Spike to still be there with Dawn. I run into him just as I turn onto Revello Drive and his head is hung low, hands in his pockets of his leather trench coat and he's mumbling something to himself.

"Did you get that vamp already, Slayer?"

"No," I reply and I grab him by the front of his coat collar and make him look at me. "Where have you been and do not lie to me, Spike. I'm not in the mood for lies or games tonight."

"What's gotten into you?" Spike mutters and I shake my head, not letting him pull this act of his on me. "I told you, had a few things that I needed to deal with and I got it done. Nothing to worry about, Slayer."

"No, tell me."

"Went to see a legend," he sighs and I let go of his collar. "Heard of a demon that could help me."

"Help you?"

Spike laughs as he shakes his head. "You'll think I'm crazy," he says and I just wait for him to continue, crossing my arms over my chest as I struggle to hold his gaze. "This demon? Known to restore life for a hefty price. I went there to become a man again."

"You're _not_ a man. You're not _human_."

"No, not quite," he sighs. "The trials I had to go through should've been for much longer, you see, but then an old friend of ours came around, changed things up a bit."

"Who?"

"Roman."

"What are you talking about?"

"Look now, Slayer," Spike says lowly as he takes a step towards me. "I wanted something that should've been impossible to achieve. Roman stepped in, made a deal with the demon on my behalf. Not sure why and he didn't stick around long enough for me to ask questions."

I don't want to believe him. I want to believe he's turned evil, is playing up on this whole thing just to put me in whatever corner suits him best. It's what he does. But I can't. Something in my gut tells me he's telling the truth about everything he's just said.

"I have a soul again, Buffy."

"How does it feel?" I ask him and he takes my hand and places it over the center of his chest. He breathes in deeply and smiles a little as he looks at me with this hopeful look in his eyes. I take my hand away quickly and shake my head. "How does it feel, Spike?" I ask him again and he just smiles.

"It feels better than I thought it would. Hasn't come without some minor complications. Just for the record, I am nothing like that tall, dark, and broody ex-lover of yours."

I laugh. "You definitely aren't anything like Angel."

There's so much more I want to know, that I need to know about how he got his soul back and how Roman played a part in this. I also want to know _why_ Roman would make a deal with that demon and I want to know what kind of a deal it is too.

Spike motions for me to follow him and I do without question. If he's willing to talk, I'm more than willing to listen. If Roman is involved in this, I need to know every last detail I can get right now.


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter Forty-Six**

I'm sitting on the front porch steps, watching the sun as it rises over the horizon. I haven't slept at all and the things that Spike had told me last night are still running around in my mind. Roman has definitely taken a huge leap into being our next Big Bad, as if he already wasn't considered one already. From what Spike can gather, Roman is still working for the First Evil, but with no sound motives other than to follow the First's orders without question.

Spike told me how he had gone to a little island off the coast of South Africa and to a cave where this demon lived. He'd barely been there for two days, he told me, before Roman had shown up before he could go through the worst of the trials the demon required him to go through to have his soul returned to him. Spike told me he was out of it from being beaten to a bloody pulp for nearly a day at that point. Roman stepped in, stopped the trials and spoke with the demon in the demon's native language. From the way Spike told it, the two acted like old friends, like they already knew one another prior to that.

But what doesn't make any sense is _why_ Roman would go so far out of his way to make a deal with that demon to help Spike. In Roman's eyes, Spike is one of us and we are the enemy just as he is ours. All Spike could tell me was that Roman told him it was for the greater good of what would come in the future. Good for him, bad for us. I wanted to kill Spike when he told me this, but instead I just let him walk away and went home.

_I just let him walk away_. I'm definitely losing my mind, aren't I? Whether it's Spike or not, knowing now he's more than just another pawn in this game that Roman and the First is playing with us, he's become a bigger threat than he's ever been before and that puts us all in danger.

I groan as I sip my coffee, trying to clear my head. It's not easy when I've got all this new information, basically useless information and trying to accept the fact that Spike has a soul which makes it _that_ much harder for me to put a stake in his heart and feel zero guilt about doing it too.

I should've just let Faith stake him months ago.

All this thinking is making my head hurt and it's hard to hold a single thought without it turning into something else. I sip my coffee and close my eyes, trying hard to clear my mind even if just for a moment. I'm just so tired of everything that keeps on happening. I just want this to be over. I just want life to be _normal_ for once. It's been so long since I've had a normal life that I've forgotten what it feels like not to have the weight of the world resting on my shoulders.

I open my eyes when I hear a car pull up in the driveway. I smile as Faith climbs out of the driver's side and grabs her bag off the passenger seat. She's smiling as she walks up to me and she drops her bag as I stand up. She wraps her arms around me tightly and kisses me like it's been longer than a couple of days since we saw each other last.

"Sorry I didn't call ya back, B."

"It's okay," I reply and pull her back in for another kiss. It's short-lived and she pulls back, shaking her head a little as she picks up her bag and slings the strap over her shoulder. "How was it in LA?"

"Was okay. Handled Angel's demon problem. Took a while since the nest found out we were looking for them and were on the run."

"Since when do demons run?"

"Since things are getting all wiggy around the Hellmouth here. Angel said it's been like that everywhere for weeks now," Faith replies with a heavy sigh. "You look like you haven't slept, B."

"I haven't."

"Did you hear from Giles at all?"

I shake my head. "No, I haven't heard from him yet."

Faith shrugs and heads inside. I follow her into the kitchen and get myself another cup of coffee while she searches through the fridge for something to eat. I can't get over how much I missed her and I want to show her just how much I missed her, but something seems a little off with her. Maybe she's just tired. Maybe it's something else. I really hope it's just that she's tired that's making her seem a little off right now.

"Anything happen while I was gone?" Faith asks as she shuts the fridge. She's holding a carton of leftover Kung Pao chicken we had the other night.

"Yeah," I nod and take a deep breath. "Spike came back."

"Did he?"

"He has a soul now."

Faith laughs like it's the funniest thing she's ever heard. "Spike has a _soul_? How the fuck is that even possible?"

"It's a bit of a long story."

Faith grabs a fork and leans against the counter, waiting for me to start talking. I take a tentative sip of my coffee and take a deep breath.

"Spike went to see a demon in South Africa, a demon that can restore life, or in his case, his soul. He told me he was there for two days before Roman showed up and made a deal with this demon. He was supposed to go through all these trials to prove himself worthy of getting his soul back, but whatever deal Roman made with this demon put those trials to an end."

"And poof, Spikey boy has a soul and everything all fine and dandy?" Faith chuckles sarcastically. "Don't even know what kind of deal Roman made with this demon, do you?"

"No."

"So what, Roman just made this deal out of the goodness of his heart? Why the hell would he do something like that?"

"Spike told me he was told it was for the greater good for what is coming."

Faith places the carton down on the counter and runs her hands through her hair. "How would Spike having his soul back help them?"

"That's what I can't figure out," I reply with a frown. "It doesn't make any sense, does it?"

"None at all. He didn't tell you anything else?"

"He doesn't know anything else other than what I just told you."

"You call Giles and tell him any of this yet?" Faith asks and I shake my head no. "You tell anyone else about this?"

"Just you. Spike only just left a few hours ago."

"Well this is just fucking great," Faith mutters. "It's always one thing after another, isn't it, B?"

She's pissed. I can't blame her though. It always is one thing after another and it's been worse since I was brought back to life. I step in front of her and wrap my arms around her waist, feeling her relax as she wraps her arms around me loosely. I smile at her, wishing we could just forget everything else for a few minutes. I really missed her when she was gone.

"What's up, B?"

"Nothing," I reply softly. "I missed you, Faith."

"Missed ya too."

She's smiling now as I pull her closer to me. I kiss her hard and deep, unable to hold myself back. I can never hold myself back with her when I want her badly. Badly being an understatement. I bite on her lower lip as I move my hands to the buckle on her belt. She moans as she slips her hands under my shirt and spins around, pinning me against the counter as she moves both hands up to cup my braless breasts. Before I can even unbuckle her belt, she stops me, pulling back from my lips as her hands slide down my stomach and come to rest on my hips.

All she has to do is give me one look and I let her take my hand in hers and she leads the way up to our bedroom quickly. As soon as we're inside and before I can shut the door behind me, she's got her arms around me and her lips are on mine again, kissing me deeply as she fumbles with the buttons on my jeans. I just manage to kick the door shut before she's pulling me with her as she backs up to the bed.

Sometimes I wonder if she has any idea how much just looking at her makes me want her. Sometimes I wonder what it is that makes me want her all the time. I know it's more than just the fact she can rock my world every single time. I know it's more than the fact that we're in love with each other.

Faith groans as she pulls back from my lips, quickly pulls off my shirt and tosses it to the floor. Her lips are on my neck as her hands pull down my jeans and I step out of them as she licks her way across my breasts, teasing each nipple before stepping back and pulling off her tank top and bra. I tug on her belt and she helps me get her pants off. I fall back on to the bed with her as our lips find each other's again in a hungry, passionate kiss.

Faith isn't in a hurry, I can tell from the lazy way she trails a hand over my side and just shy of my left breast. I'm definitely not complaining. I love it when it's slow between us. It's more than fucking, it's making love and I can safely say I've never done this with anyone else but her. Not even Riley.

I close my eyes as she trails her lips down my neck, across my collarbone and over the tops of my breasts. I bite my lip as she teases me, licking and biting at each nipple before trailing the tip of her tongue down the middle of my stomach. I scratch my finger nails over her shoulders and down her arms, feeling her muscles ripple as she moves lower. I spread my legs for her and I open my eyes to look down at her. She's got a lazy smile dancing over her lips and that lust in her eyes is shining as she stares right back at me. I bite my lower lip again and she groans as she lowers her head and takes a long, tentative lick over my centre.

"Oh god, Faith," I moan as my hands go to her head and my fingers tangle in her hair.

I know she's not planning on staying down there long. I know her well enough now to know she just needs a taste for now. I'm not complaining. I never do when it comes to her. She always knows what I like, what I want and what I need without ever having to utter a single word.

Faith breathes deeply, blowing hot air over my clit before she nibbles gently. I try to keep still, but my whole body is humming. She unhurriedly kisses her way back up my body and I moan loudly as she presses herself against me. She's already so wet and so ready.

"I missed you," she whispers against my lips. "You should've come with me."

"Next time."

She thrusts down against me and I pull her in for a deep kiss to quiet our moans. It's still early and I know we won't have as much time as we want right now together, but I'm determined to make the most out of the time we will have.

When she pulls back from my lips, she's smiling at me. God, she's so beautiful when she smiles at me like that. It's like everything else fades away and all I can see is her and how happy she is here with me.

I'm already so close too. I grip on to her shoulders as she quickens her thrusts and I try to keep up. I scratch my nails down her back and grab on to her hips, pulling her harder against me. She kisses me again and she bites my lower lip a little hard as she comes. I thrust up hard against her, giving in to the rippling orgasm coursing its way through my body.

"Mmm," she sighs as she holds on to me tight. "That was quick."

"Yeah," I whisper and she chuckles as she tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Was just getting started," she groans as she moves a hand between our bodies and strokes my clit lightly. "Wait," she sighs and frowns, stilling her fingers. "Isn't today the first day of school?"

"It is."

She nods and gives me one last kiss before moving away. She grabs her towel off the back of the door and heads into the bathroom to shower. I just lay there, feeling satisfied but still wanting more. I smile to myself as I get out of bed, grab my own towel and follow her into the bathroom.

Faith is already in the shower, the steam quickly building. I pull back the shower curtain and step in behind her. She turns to me, a smile on her face as she wraps her arms around me.

"Knew you'd join me without having to ask ya," she chuckles as she turns until I'm under the hot spray of water.

I pull her in for a deep kiss, hoping that the hot water won't run out this time before we can actually shower and not just do a hundred different naughty things to each other. Do you see what this woman has done to me?

Definitely not complaining.

* * *

><p>I've been on the phone for an hour trying to get a hold of Giles. Not even Willow or Tara are answering the phone. I'm getting frustrated too. Faith and Dawn are sitting at the island, both eating giant bowls of cereal and Dawn is asking Faith all sorts of questions about her trip down to LA. I hang up the phone in frustration and pick up my now warm cup of coffee.<p>

"No luck?" Faith asks and I shake my head no. "They could just be out."

"Landline has been disconnected and both Tara and Willow's cell voicemail is full."

"I'm sure they're just busy doing whatever it is they've been doing over there all summer. Don't worry, B. Just try again later, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Why are you trying to get in touch with them? Is there something going on?" Dawn asks and I give Faith a look as I shake my head no.

"It's nothing for you to worry about, Dawnie. Just finish your breakfast and we'll take you to school, okay? Oh and before I forget," I smile as I head out of the kitchen and to the dining room cabinet. I pull out the box her brand new cellphone is in and head back into the kitchen. "I got you something. A little back to school gift."

"Is it a weapon?" Dawn asks excitedly as she takes the box from me. She opens it and lets out a little squeal and hugs me tight. "Thank you, Buffy!"

"You earned it. Now, hurry up and eat. Don't want to be late for your first day."

"No, we couldn't have that," Dawn mutters with a roll of her eyes as she puts her brand new phone into her purse. "Faith, are you coming too?"

"Yeah, me and B are gonna check out the place, you know, make sure it's safe."

"It's built over the Hellmouth. How safe are you expecting it to be?" Dawn asks with a roll of her eyes. "Besides, things have been quiet all summer, right? Nobody has heard from Roman, the First hasn't come around in a while, and there's been the normal volume of vamps and demons. What's the worst that can happen now?"

"You just jinxed it," Faith says as she shoves a spoonful of cereal into her mouth. "She just jinxed it, B! Now we're all doomed!"

"Good going, Dawnie," I laugh as Faith gives her best mock death glare while trying not to laugh. I glance at the clock and she groans as she puts her empty bowl in the sink and runs upstairs to finish getting ready.

"You ain't gonna tell her about Spike?" Faith asks as she finishes off her cereal.

"Not yet. She's got enough to worry about with school starting today."

"So, how we gonna check this place out? Don't think there's gonna be any teachers and what not too happy to see the two of us poking around."

"We'll figure it out, in the meantime-"

"Buffy!" I hear Willow call out as the front door opens. "We're back!" She laughs as she and Tara come walking into the kitchen, hand in hand.

"Will, I was just trying to call you!" I say as she hugs me tight. "Why are you back?"

"It's a long story, but things are happening out there, Buffy, and we thought it was best that we came back now before things get worse."

"Where's Giles?"

"Uh," Willow looks at Tara and they both share a look. "We're not sure."

Faith and I just look at each other, not sure what to make of that. Faith grabs another two mugs out of the cupboard and pours the two of them a cup of freshly brewed coffee. I got a million questions I want to ask them right now, but I have a feeling there's a lot they can't answer.

"By worse, what do you mean?" I ask her, deciding to go with the one thing she's said since she walked into the house. "Will, how bad is it getting?"

"You don't know?"

"It's been a slow, uneventful summer to say the least."

"Oh, we got the impression that it was getting bad here. A seer in the coven had said so," Willow stammers and she looks at Tara with a sort of desperation in her eyes. "Tara and I were worried so we hopped on the first flight home."

"What, no teleporting, Red?" Faith asks, the snark in full effect. "What things did this seer see?"

"Darkness, evil rising, a great big fight, one to end them all. She was a little bit iffy on the details."

"Buffy, Giles happened to mention the potential slayers before he left the other day," Tara cuts in, speaking quietly as she moves to stand near me. "It's really happening out there right now."

"I know. When I last spoke to him that's what he told me. Do you think he's gone somewhere to try to save some of these girls?"

"I don't know. Giles never spoke to us much while we were in London. He spent more time away than being there, but Willow and I also spent a lot of time with the coven too."

I rub my forehead and groan a little. Things are getting complicated and frustrating and I don't think we can handle this without Giles around. I know we could if we tried, but there's some things I still feel like we need him around for, this whole situation that's coming is one of those things.

Dawn comes back downstairs and it's a great big welcome home hug-fest. She's happy Willow and Tara are back. Don't get me wrong, I am happy they are too, but something just doesn't seem right, just like Faith seemed a little bit off when she got home and just like Spike seemed off as well before he told me about getting his soul back.

I sit there and take in on the conversations unfolding with Dawn asking Willow and Tara about everything they've done in the last couple of months while they've been in England, basically demanding to know all the details. I remind her she has to get to school and I get an eye roll from her, as expected. I'm just relieved she doesn't put up much of a fight about it though and says her goodbyes to Willow and Tara as Faith and I head to the front door with her right behind us.

Faith drives, which she normally does and it doesn't bother me. I'm lost in my own thoughts for the ride to the newly rebuilt Sunnydale High. Faith and Dawn are talking about making plans tonight, for Dawn to join us on patrol and for her to show off her moves. Faith hasn't been on patrol with Dawn and I, or when she has, she's usually off in another cemetery, keeping watch there.

"What's the plan, B?" Faith asks as she finds a spot in the visitors parking lot. "You wanna try to blend in, check the place out?"

"Sounds like a better plan than any."

"Buffy, please don't do this," Dawn moans from the backseat. "It's the first day of school! You're going to totally embarrass me!"

I give her a look as I look back at her and she is the first one out of the car and making a beeline for the front doors, probably in hopes she'll distance herself enough from Faith and I to pretend she doesn't even know us.

"B, maybe we oughta find a way to sneak into the basement instead of trying to blend in? Not that you aren't hot enough to blend in with a bunch of high school kids, but you know we ain't gonna get too far just wandering around."

"I'm trying to think," I mutter and I check out the school from what I can see. I spot Xander over by the far end of the unfinished part of the school. "Maybe Xander can help us out?"

"He'll wanna know Willow and Tara are back anyway," Faith nods and she exits the car and begins to walk across the parking lot and heads straight for where Xander is standing with some of the construction crew he's been working with.

I stay in the car, watching as Faith and Xander exchange their usual high-five greeting. Faith looks happy and in her element which before all of this, I would've never thought I'd ever see. Before, everything was so _different_ and now, Faith is more friends with my friends than I've been since they brought me back. Maybe it's just how I feel, but it's also what I see.

I pull out my cell phone from the back pocket of my jeans and go through my address book until I find the number of Giles' cell. I tried it earlier and it went straight to voice mail with that was full, just as Tara and Willow's were when I called them. Deciding to try again, I hit dial and wait. It rings three times before I hear his ever familiar voice mail greeting. I hang up, feeling pissed off he declined my call. Declined! By Giles! Whatever his reason is, whenever I speak to him next, it better be a good one. We're not really on the best of terms as it is, I just keep hoping things would change.

I see Faith looking over at me in the car and she waves me over. I climb out and head towards them. Faith is all smiles and Xander is too. I smile at them as Xander rolls out a set of blueprints that I instantly recognize as the old Sunnydale High.

"Hellmouth is located directly under the principal's office," he says quietly, looking around to make sure none of his coworkers are within earshot before he pulls out the new blueprints.

"Think he's evil?" I ask and Faith chuckles.

"It's likely," she says. "Xander knows a way we can get into the basement without having to go through the school."

"Yeah?"

"Sewers," he says and he clears his throat. "It's uh, not going to be easy either. Most of the tunnels are full of water or debris we haven't been able to clear. The ones in use, don't think you'll wanna use those."

"I'm not going down there!" I say as I point to my outfit. New clothes and sewers do not mix.

"I'll go," Faith offers and she puts an arm around my shoulders, smiling at me. "You wanna walk through those front doors, B, by all means."

"I will then."

"Fine."

We're giggling now and Xander is standing there looking dumbfounded. He still doesn't _get_ how things are between him and in a way I can't blame him. There are times I don't _get_ it either. It is how it is and I wouldn't change any of it for the world. Xander is called over by his boss, leaving me and Faith standing there alone. We share a quick and brief kiss before going off in separate directions, her heading for the sewer grate on the grass by the street and me towards the front doors of the school.

I turn to watch her as the bell rings and she quickly, effortlessly lifts the grate and disappears down inside quickly. I turn to the front entrance of the school and take a deep breath, walking through the courtyard and feeling a touch of nervousness and confidence all rolled in one. I know there's something big coming, something bad. We know it's the First Evil, but we have no idea what it has planned or what's coming next. But for now, I'm going to walk through those front doors and find a way to the basement, charming my way past any of the staff that tries to stop me on the way.

"Excuse me, are you a student here?" A male voice calls out behind me as I enter through the front doors. _Gulp_. Here we go...


	47. Chapter 47

****Author's Notes:** Just want to thank those who are still with me on this one! Still got some ways to go before this is done and I'm determined to stick it out til the end...**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Forty-Seven<strong>

Awkwardly I stand there in front of a tall man that's likely barely only ten years older than me, wearing a suit and a look of authority on his face. New principal? I'm thinking so.

"Are you a student here?"

"Oh," I shake my head as he asks the question again. "My sister Dawn is a student here. I'm a graduate of the old Sunnydale High and I thought I'd come by and check the new place out."

"I see. And you are?"

"Buffy Summers."

"Robin Wood, principal."

I knew it. I smile as I shake his hand quickly. "Uh, if you don't mind?"

"Mind?" He asks as he raises an eyebrow. "No, no of course not."

"Besides I was hoping to catch Dawn before she went to class. I forgot to uh give her some lunch money."

He's not falling for this. I can see it as he stares at me like I'm a blubbering idiot. At least as two teenage boys start fighting down the hall, it's the distraction I've been praying for and quickly slip away from his prying attention.

I head down the hallway, moving quickly. Vaguely remembering the location of the basement door from the blueprints Xander showed Faith and I, I take the next right and quickly find the door. Smiling, I open it and quickly head down the stairs. Xander wasn't lying when he said it's a maze down here. I stick with what's safe. Very little turns, mostly straight.

My skin is crawling with every step that I take. There's definitely something not right down here and it's more than just the Hellmouth being so close. I keep moving, keeping my eyes peeled for any sign of anything out of the ordinary. If Faith took the sewers she should be down here by now, shouldn't she? I take a left, deciding going straight isn't taking me anywhere. I stop and turn back and to my surprise, the way I came is no longer how it was just moments ago.

"Huh," I sigh and turn back, continuing on.

I don't like this. I don't think we thought out this plan very well. Something just doesn't feel right down here and I can't quite put my finger on what it is. I faintly hear a voice and it sounds like its coming from behind one of the many doors down here. I move slowly, quietly, listening to the sound of the voice, trying to make out what it's saying and just where it's coming from.

I get a little closer to the voice and I can tell that it's Spike. What is he doing down here and who is he talking to? Is he talking to himself? I shake my head and pull back a heavy metal door and find Spike crouched on the ground, dirty and dishevelled, definitely the complete opposite as he was the last I saw him, which to think of it hasn't been more than five hours, if that.

"Spike?" I say softly as I crouch down on the floor in front of him. He barely blinks, mumbling as he looks at something to his right. "Spike, are you okay?"

"Can't put the show on much longer now, can we? Surprised to have held out as long as I did, I did," he mutters and laughs as he runs his fingers through his curly, messy hair. "Didn't know. Didn't know how it'd be, how it'd feel."

"Spike?" I say again and I move to touch his shoulder. That gets his attention and he's on his feet, backed right up against the wall. "What is going on with you?"

"Buffy?" He blinks as he stares at me. "Is that you?"

"Spike, answer the question. What is going on with you and why are you down _here_?"

Spike starts mumbling again, laughing as he begins pacing in front of me. I take a step back towards the door, wondering if I should just leave him down here alone or stay and try to make some sense of what is going on with him right now.

"Can't be a man enough for her. Never will be enough. Not got the right parts. Not the one she wants to find love with. Can't ever have her the way the other one does. Burns me, it does."

I groan softly, knowing exactly who he is talking about. Me. He's never really let go of the whole fact that he's in love with me and although the last year he's pretty much kept away from the whole topic, I still knew how he felt about me. It's clear as day when it comes to Spike.

"No," he says, almost as if he's having a conversation with someone, something that's not there. A ghost, or maybe the voice in his head. "Can't do it. Won't. She's standing right there, bloody hell! Way to drive a man insane. First make him feel his soul until it burns then bring her here. This another one of your tricks?"

"Spike," I say a little loudly, hoping to draw his attention my way. "Spike, stop. What's the matter with you? Talk to me," I say forcefully and he's got a few tears rolling down his cheeks as he begins pacing again.

"It is, isn't it?" Spike laughs incredulously. "Go away," he yells as he waves his hands at something obviously only he's seeing. "Are you deaf, go away you bloody bastard!"

As I watch him slump to the ground, laughing and crying, it hits me. He wasn't just talking to some voices inside his head. Something was here. The First was just here and it was taking full advantage of Spike in his weakened state. I should've known it was just an act with him last night. I should've known he was playing off having a soul a little too cooly, like it wasn't that big of a deal. Clearly it is.

I kneel down in front of him and wait until he calms down and gets himself together. I've never seen him like this and it's kind of scaring me to be honest. I reach out and touch his shoulder gently and he flinches, moving back away from me quickly. I stay where I am, frowning as he laughs and wipes at the tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Spike, please tell me what's going on," I whisper and he shakes his head no. "Please? You're scaring me."

"Scaring you? Is that all I've ever done is scare you and chase you away when all I wanted was to love you?"

"Spike-"

"Go away, Slayer. Not in any mood for visitors right now."

I sigh and don't move and just like that, the vulnerability that I just witnessed Spike go through is gone and his face is hard.

"Talk to me?" I ask and he shakes his head no. "I'm only going to ask you nicely one more time. Please talk to me. Tell me what's going on with you. I'm worried about you, Spike."

"Worried about me? Shouldn't be. All is all right here. Got me a spiffy new spot to lay my head. Thought I'd be safe from the others inside these walls. It finds me no matter what. All hours of the day, all hours of the night. Can't escape it."

"Escape what?"

"My soul," he mutters. "It hurts. It burns. All I hear is _them_. All the ones I killed, _all_ of them. Yelling at me, torturing me, haunting me."

Spike stands up and begins pacing. I stand up as well, moving back towards the door but not ready to leave. Not until I've heard everything he has to say. I need some answers and I'll stay down here as long as it takes, working through the things he's been saying, half of which makes absolutely no sense to me.

"It's not just my soul, Buffy. It's...it's the First. Found it's way inside my head, knows which buttons to push. Shows me the people of the past, the ones I killed, the ones I tortured. You."

"Me?"

"Comes to me as you sometimes," he mutters and he laughs as he stares right at me. "How am I to know this is not just another one of your games? Are you real?" He reaches out to touch me and steps back, almost as if he can't believe it. "What are you doing here?"

"I was checking out the school, making sure it's safe here. I heard you," I say softly and he closes his eyes, almost as if he's trying not to cry again. "Spike, what was the First saying to you?"

"Doesn't matter now, does it? The games have started. Nothing good will come of this."

"Games? What are you talking about?"

"The First."

"Okay, we know its coming, but what about the First?"

"Already here. Games have begun. One of you will be next."

I groan and rub my temples with my fingers. "Spike, you shouldn't be here. It's the Hellmouth. It's got you wigging out."

"Nothing to do about the Hellmouth, luv."

"You need to get out of here. It isn't-it's not safe. Not even for you."

"Nice to see you finally _care_," Spike mutters bitterly. "Get out. Told you, not in the mood for any visitors. Time's up. Warden's coming. Time to go, Slayer."

I give up, knowing there's no way I'm getting anywhere with him while he's like this. I look around the room and notice the few dead rats in the corner. It makes my stomach turn. I don't even look at him as I leave, closing the heavy metal door behind me with a bang.

Spike needs help and for the first time I feel a pang of worry and concern for him. I don't know what's going on with him right now and I know I have to find out soon before something bad happens, to him or because of him.

I check out the rest of the basement, finding myself getting turned around too much that I decide to give up. I'm not going to find anything down here. At least not today and not without Faith. She should be down here by now. I groan and pull my cell phone out of my back pocket and quickly dial her number. She answers after the third ring and tells me she's run into a problem in the sewers. Blocked off completely, preventing anything bigger than a mouse from getting in. I know there's another way in, how else would Spike get in here? It's not like he can walk through the front doors. I don't tell Faith about Spike and she tells me she's giving up and heading home. I tell her I'll be there as soon as I can and she hangs up the phone before I can say anything else.

It takes a little while but I finally find the stairs again. I can very faintly hear Spike talking and moaning off in the distance. I shake my head and head up the stairs, quickly slipping out the door and shutting it behind me.

"Miss. Summers, enjoying your tour of the school?" Wood asks as he walks up behind me. I spin around and smile, nodding my head.

"I am, thank you. I'll just be going now," I say as I step past him.

"Could we talk?" He asks and I stop and look back at him. "In my office?"

I don't say a word and instead just follow him towards the main office. He leads the way to his office and I step inside. I look around quickly, noting there's absolutely nothing in here that screams he's an evil principal. I stand by his desk and watch as he shuts the door and closes the blinds.

"Coffee?" Wood asks as he walks over to the coffee maker and pours himself a cup. I smile and shake my head no. "Buffy, let's get right down to business, shall we?"

"Business?"

Wood chuckles as he takes a seat behind his desk and places his cup of coffee down in front of him. "I know who you are, what you are."

"Excuse me?"

"Take a seat?" He asks as he points to the chairs in front of his desk. I just stand there and cross my arms over my chest. "You're the reason why I'm in Sunnydale, Buffy. I know that you are the Slayer."

What? Does everyone and their grandmother know I'm the slayer?

"I apologize for being so straight-forward with you," he says, smiling as if him smiling like that is gonna make me feel comfortable talking to him about this. "Things are happening here, big things. I heard from some old contacts of my mother's that there's a big evil coming."

"Normally humans run away from danger and evil, not towards it. You're not human, are you?"

"I am. I've been trained to fight, trained like you are. I just lack certain skills like superhuman strength and speed," he smirks and I roll my eyes. "My mother, she was a slayer just like you are."

"Your mother?"

"Died when I was young," he says softly and I sigh and take a seat in the chair in front of the desk. "Her Watcher took me in, raised me, taught me things about demons and vampires. Trained me."

"Your mother was a slayer?"

"Yeah, she was. Buffy, listen, I did not think it'd be this easy to locate you, but now that I have and you know that I know who you are, I want you to know that I am here to help in any way that I can."

I sit there and listen to everything that he has to say to me. He's skimming over a lot of little details, mostly because he just met me and he's already telling me more than I'm guessing he's ever told anyone in his life. If Faith was here with me, she wouldn't have stayed this long to listen to what he has to say. She would tell him to mind his own business and let us deal with ours.

"I'm asking you to fight at your side, fight whatever is coming," he says and leans back in his chair and waits for me to give him an answer. "I just want a chance."

"I-I don't even know you," I say under my breath. "How do I know I can trust you?"

"You don't until you give me a chance to prove myself. And I also know you didn't just come here to check out the school and to give your sister "lunch money". You were looking for the Seal, weren't you? Didn't have any luck finding it? Neither have I. The walls down there? They seem to move all the time. Get turned around down there pretty quick."

Faith would seriously hate this guy, then again she'd probably like him too. He's straight-forward that's for sure and a little ballsy too approaching me the way he did.

"No luck," I reply as I stand up from the chair. "I-I should go."

"Buffy?"

"Yes?"

"I know you don't want to trust me and I understand-"

"How did you know about me? What my name is, where to find me?"

"There are files I have access to that I shouldn't," he replies with soft laugh. "Council files. As soon as I heard there was something big about to happen here in Sunnydale and I knew there would be a slayer here on the most active Hellmouth in the world I-"

"How many are there?" I cut him off. Suddenly I'm very interested in talking to this man. "How many Hellmouth's are out there?"

"Including this one? A dozen. There's one in Cleveland, the others are all around the world. As I was saying," he says and stands up from his chair slowly. "I knew there was a slayer here in Sunnydale. I took it upon myself to gain access to the Council's files and found yours."

"Can I see it?"

"See it?"

"My file?" I say slowly.

Wood chuckles as he opens a drawer in his desk and pulls out a large, thick envelope. "It was quite an interesting read if I say so myself. Keep it. It is yours after all."

"Thanks."

"And Buffy?" Wood stops me from walking right out of his office since I'm completely done with having this conversation with him. "My offer still stands. I'm here to fight with you at your side against whatever it is that is coming."

"We know what's coming," I say as I stare at him long and hard, still trying to figure out if I can trust him or if he's something like Roman, playing on the side of evil and trying to worm his way into my life so he can strike when I least expect it. "I'll think about it. And just for the record? I'm not the only slayer in Sunnydale."

I leave him with that and quickly make my way out the front doors. I need to get home and get Willow to look up Robin Wood, find out everything that she can about him. First I find Spike completely going crazy in the basement of the school and then Robin Wood completely blindsides me with everything that he's told me. It's information overload and right now I need to get out of here and get back to the house as quickly as possible.

It's not a quick walk back home, but it gives me some time to think about the things that Robin Wood had told me about his mother, about his upbringing, and then his offer to fight at our side against what is coming. I want to trust him and I don't want to at the same time. He knew things about me that nobody outside my circle of friends and Giles should know. The way he just came out and talked to me about this is kind of creeping me out.

I stop at the Espresso Pump and sit at one of the tables outside, sipping my mocha and I stare at the oversized envelope Wood had given to me. I open it and inside is a file. I flip through it, scanning over the pages quickly. Everything about me is written down on the pages and when I say everything, I mean everything right down to my height and weight at the time I was Called until the last known date that's written down which was well over a year ago. Six and a half years of my life, everything I did, people I knew and even just briefly spoke to in school, the guys I dated, the vampires I slayed, it's all here.

Even the things that happened with Faith, the fights, me sticking that knife in her gut, it's all here and written in detail. It's almost as if the Council had someone watching my every move, recording every little part of my life just so they could have some kind of record. Everything stops when I died saving the world after fighting Glory. And all there is is a tiny little footnote on the last page noting that I died to save the world.

I shiver as I close the folder and slide it back inside the envelope. I hated the Council before this and now after reading how detailed my file is, I hate them even more. I stay there drinking my mocha, thinking about what to do next. I know I want Willow to find everything she can on Robin Wood, find out if we can trust this guy or not. I'm also trying to figure out how to tell everyone that Spike is locked up in the basement of the school, completely losing his mind and that the First is playing games with him.

For once I don't know what to do. I feel like everything that's been happening in the last year is just going round and round in circles. I know Roman is a key player and that he and Olivia were playing games with Faith and we still don't know _why_. I know Roman is working with the First, but he hasn't been seen since I found Faith and Spike chained to the wall in the sewers. Spike is the last one to have seen him and there's no use talking to Spike about it now, not while he's acting all sorts of crazy.

It's starting to make sense now with what Spike told me about the deal Roman made with that demon to restore his soul. Without his soul, the First couldn't get to him, not like this. I finish off my mocha and head home. Now I know I have to tell the others about Spike and what I saw when I saw him.

We're going to get some answers. I have a feeling we need Giles for this...

* * *

><p>"He's clean, Buffy," Willow says as she sits at the dining room table, her laptop in front of her. "Nothing here screams evil to me."<p>

"Oh."

"His mother's Watcher, Bernard Crowley, his upbringing, everything checks out. Sorry. He's kind of not evil, Buffy," Willow says as she looks over at her, frowning. "You're not the only one hoping he was some kind of evil, Buffy."

"What do we do then, Will?"

"He offered to help fight, right?" Willow asks and I nod. "Could always use another, don't you think?"

"I don't trust him," I say pointedly.

"The way he came to you, I can't blame you, but, Buffy, honestly I think we can use all the help we can get right now. We don't know what we're up against. We don't-"

"We know what we're up against. We just don't know how to play the game yet," I say and I breathe in deeply as I take a seat in the chair next to her. "So, he's really not evil and is everything he says he is? Am I the only one disappointed about this?"

"Buffy, I-"

"We need Giles," I sigh and Willow frowns, slowly nodding her head in agreement. "What are we going to do, Will?"

"We can start by trying to track Giles down?" Willow offers. "I know it's not helping right now that we really don't know enough to go into any of this. I'm sorry. I'm feeling a little bit jet-lagged still."

"Am I keeping you from having mid-morning snuggles with your honey?" I tease and she rolls her eyes playfully. "Will, he had my _file_ from the Council."

"And you're bringing this up now?"

I get up and walk over to where I put the file down on the edge of the widow sill earlier when I walked in. I hand it to her and she raises an eyebrow, almost as if she doesn't believe I'd let her read it.

"Everything about me, my life, my friends, it's all in there. Robin Wood knows absolutely everything about me. He could be secretly evil and planning to use all this information against me somehow. He has to be."

"Buffy, he's clean. He checks out. He doesn't even have a police record."

"Doesn't that make you suspicious?"

"Lots of people don't have police records. Sometimes people are just _good_ people, Buffy. Look, don't worry about this guy, okay? At least we know where to find extra help when-_if_ we ever need it."

I nod and she turns her attention to my file. She opens it and starts flipping through, scanning over the pages quickly, slowing down on some pages I know she caught her name, or brief mentions of her, Xander, Cordelia, and Oz.

I leave her in the dining room and head to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee. I stand there by the sink, looking out into the backyard, letting my thoughts take over once again, all of them turning back around to Spike in the school basement, completely out of his mind and to Robin Wood, Sunnydale High's newest principal and probably most likely very evil.


	48. Chapter 48

****Author's Notes:** (see end of chapter for notes)**

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><p><strong>Chapter Forty-Eight<strong>

Faith and I are standing in the kitchen and we're alone, eating the sandwiches she'd made and we haven't said a word to each other since she came in and made them. Something is definitely going on with her. I don't get it either. Everything was fine this morning when she came home and things were even fine when we took Dawn to school.

I want to ask her what's going on. I want her to talk to me. Something is bothering her. I'm starting to wonder if something happened to her while she was in LA, something she's refusing to talk about. Do I call Angel instead of confronting her and forcing her to talk? No, that'll make things worse when she finds out I went to him instead of going to her in the first place.

I sigh as I place my sandwich down on my plate and reach for the can of root beer in front of me. Faith is sitting on the counter beside the sink, humming along to the radio as she eats her sandwich, her second one.

"Hey, Buffy?" Willow says as she strolls into the kitchen with the brown leather address book in her hand. "Are you sure the Council's number is in here? I can't find it."

"It's in there. Second number under Giles', the one before the number to his flat in England," I reply without looking over at her, unable to take my eyes off of Faith. "Why?"

"I'm going to try and track him down."

"It's the Council. He hasn't been employed for years. They won't know anything," I say to her and she shrugs.

"They might. They might even have other ways of tracking him down or know someone that can point us in the right direction. Can't hurt to try, can it?"

I turn to look at her but she's already walking out of the kitchen and headed for the living room to make the phone call in there. I sigh and turn my attention back to Faith. She's not even looking at me as she finishes off her sandwich and grabs the magazine next to her and starts flipping through it.

I start thinking about Spike again. I can't help it. Seeing him like that is bothering me. I know I should tell Faith what I saw, Willow too. It's not like they're not aware Spike came back to Sunnydale with a shiny new soul inside of him. Well, not new or shiny, but still. Is it his soul that's driving him crazy, or is it something else? Is it the First? Did everything happen in the last year and even in the last couple of months for this reason? It has to be more to it than that.

Maybe we're all wrong about the First's intentions. Maybe all it wants to do is play games with us until we've all gone crazy and it can have his main lackey Roman take us out when our guard is down. I groan and pick up my sandwich, taking a bite and chew slowly, still thinking about how Spike is connected to the First and Roman.

"B?"

"Hmm?" I look over at her as I swallow.

"What's up?"

"Nothing."

"Don't look like nothing," Faith replies coldly as she places the magazine back down on the counter and hops off. "You wanna talk about what's bothering you?"

"What's bothering me? Nothing is bothering me, Faith."

"Bullshit."

I know I should just come right out and talk to her, but something inside her switches on and the anger in her eyes is all too clear.

"You know something?" Faith asks, sounding like she's struggling not to yell at me. "I thought being in a relationship was all about trust and communication here?"

"It is-"

"Thought it was about being honest too," she continues and she stands on the other side of the island staring hard at me. "You wanna talk about what happened at the school?"

"You know what happened. I told you about Robin Wood and-"

"No," she snaps. "You were in the basement, looking around. Told me that too, but keep getting the feeling you're keeping something from me. So, do ya wanna just spit it out?"

"There's nothing to talk about-"

"Fucking bullshit, Buffy! What the hell are you keeping from me? Why are you fucking lying to me? And I'm gonna call you on your bullshit every time you tell me you ain't 'cause it's written all over ya that you're obviously keeping something from me. What the hell is it?"

"Faith-"

"Does being with me mean anything to you? Does our relationship mean anything to you? 'Cause I'm starting to think it doesn't if you can stand there and lie to my face like this."

"Of course it means something to me, Faith! In case you haven't noticed, I'm in love with you and I can't even stand to be away from you for a day or two at a time."

"Whatever," Faith mutters, the anger clearly written all over her face. "Did you ever stop and think for a minute that maybe this all happened too easily? Too quickly?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Us. Try to keep up, Buffy. I'm talking about us, what we got now. Been a helluva lot easier than it should've been, don't ya think?"

"Why are you being like this?"

"Just something that's been bugging me for a little while. Thought I better get it out before it fills that hypothetical bottle and it bursts."

She's lost her mind. I'm fighting back the tears as I feel my hands begin to shake. How did we go from talking about trust and honesty and communication to this? Maybe I should've just told her about Spike. I don't even know _why_ I'm not telling her any of it.

"Tell me, Buffy, why is it that our relationship turned out to be a helluva lot easier to have than say a friendship we never really had in the first place?"

"Faith, I-"

"I've gone along with it, took it all in as it came. I did 'cause I've wanted you for longer than I wanna admit sometimes. You got me under some kind of spell, B.

"What I feel for you is real," I say, biting back the tears as she turns away from me. "Don't ever doubt how I feel about you, Faith, please. What happened to you? Did something happen in LA? We were fine earlier this morning. What happened since then?"

Faith has this crazy glint in her eyes as she just leers at me. I don't know what's gotten into her our how this conversation ended up this way.

"Love me, B? You hated me and then you were brought back alive and ya still hated me. Then after that night, I was sure ya still hated me. 'Course we were dealing with Olivia and Roman and their fucked up little games for a while there too. Got sent to a hell dimension for two and a half months and we just pick back up right where we left off?"

Oh god, how am I going to deal with her being like this? This is not Faith. Something definitely happened to her down in LA. I just _know_ it now. I let a few tears fall, mostly because I'm tired of holding them back and I'm hurting from the words she's saying to me and I'm angry at myself for not telling her what really happened down in the school basement with Spike.

"I'm gonna go," she says as she places her empty plate in the sink.

"You're leaving?"

What is happening? Everything is falling apart and she's just given up on us out of nowhere!

"Yeah," she nods, her face stone cold and I can't even read her anymore. Her eyes are empty, void of emotion. "And this morning?" Faith leers as she looks me up and down, licking over her lips slowly, sensually. "Thanks for the welcome home. Definitely needed that. I'll be around sometime, one way or another. Maybe for another go? Be seeing you, B."

I slap her. Hard. She barely even flinches and walks out of the kitchen, laughing. I'm shaking and crying as I walk out of the kitchen just in time to see her sling her duffel bag over her shoulder, slip on her sunglasses and walk out the front door, slamming it shut behind her.

She just leaves without giving me the chance to talk to her about Spike. I hate myself for holding back from her. I should know better by now that I don't need to hold anything back from her nor should I feel like I have to. I don't know what I'm going to do and I feel numb as I walk into the living room and sit down heavily on the couch.

"Buffy?" Willow looks over at me as she hangs up the phone. "What is going on? I heard you two in the kitchen. Why were you fighting?"

"I-I don't know. Something's wrong, Will."

"Well yeah, having a fight is never right."

"No, not that. Something is wrong with Faith. Something is wrong with me too," I frown as I wipe away my tears. Willow comes to sit next to me and she puts an arm around my shoulders.

"Talk to me, Buffy," she says softly. "I'll help you figure out what's wrong and I'll help you fix it, okay?"

I take a deep, breath, shaking as I try not to let the tears keep falling. Where do I even start? I don't even know what happened or what on earth made Faith react the way she did.

"I don't know where to start," I whisper and I struggle to take a deep breath. "I haven't been entirely honest so maybe it's my fault?"

"Honest about what?"

"About what I saw down in the basement. I saw Spike," I whisper and Willow's eyes grow a little wide as she takes her arm away from around my shoulders. "He was acting really crazy, talking to himself, saying things that made absolutely no sense. It scared me, Will. It scared me seeing him like that."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I don't know."

"Okay and what happened with Faith? Is Spike the reason you guys were fighting?"

"Yeah, but I didn't tell her anything. She confronted me about what's bothering me and I couldn't even tell her. Before I could even try to explain what I saw in the basement with Spike, something set her off and she started asking me if our relationship even meant something to me."

Willow nods her head slowly and I can see a bit of sadness in her eyes and sympathy.

"She-when she came back this morning from LA, something felt off about her. We uh," I blush a little as I look down at my hands in my lap. "It was fine, great as always and she didn't seem so off when we were in our room. She seemed like herself and I thought maybe at first she was just tired after being in LA all weekend. But in the kitchen, she was different. She was talking like her old self. Will, something happened to her when she was in LA this weekend. There's no way she would've acted like she did."

"She didn't tell you what happened in LA?"

"Said she helped Angel with a nest of demons he was having trouble with. Said the nest kept running from them. She didn't say anything else."

"Do you think you should call Angel?"

"Won't it make this whole thing worse?"

"I don't know, Buffy, but if something did happen in LA, she's not going to tell you now, is she? Not after the way she spoke to you in the kitchen. I only heard parts of it. I was too busy arguing with Quentin Travers trying to get some information out of him."

"Does he know where Giles is?"

"No, but Buffy, right now I don't think finding Giles is our number one priority. If something did happen to Faith while she was in LA, I think we got to figure out what happened and how to fix this, fix her."

"But we need Giles here too," I groan, feeling like my whole life has just become one giant mess I can't even figure out how to fix right now. "Did Travers say anything to you?"

"Told me he'd put word out that we're looking for him."

"I feel like everything is a complete mess right now. We need Giles here and he's not anywhere to be found and now with Faith acting like she's been possessed-"

"That's it!" Willow exclaims. "Possession! It'd be the one thing to explain Faith's change of attitude out of nowhere."

"I guess."

"Buffy," Willow frowns as she turns to face me more fully. "It has to be the reason. Faith wouldn't just turn on you like that. She loves you more than anything or anyone she's ever loved in her whole life. Being apart from you for a weekend wouldn't have made her doubt what you guys have together now."

"Or maybe it did and I'm just looking to find some lame excuse that something happened to her in LA that made her be like this. Maybe she's just had enough of me, Will?"

"Are you kidding?" Willow laughs a little. "Had enough of you? You do realize how ridiculous that sounds, don't you? Look, if you don't want to talk to Angel, I'll call and find out what really happened this weekend while she was down there. We'll figure this out. I promise and you two can go back to your normal, lovey-dovey selves and we can figure out what's going on with Spike, with Robin Wood and everything else."

Willow leaves me sitting on the couch alone with my thoughts. She uses the phone in the kitchen to call Angel and despite it being early in the afternoon, from the sounds of it she got a hold of him. I drown out the sound of her voice and lean back on the couch, struggling to keep myself together.

I keep asking myself why didn't I just tell her the truth when she asked me what was bothering me? Why? Why did I have to go and think that for some crazy reason it was better she and nobody else knew about Spike locking himself up in the school basement, completely gone out of his mind and likely being tormented by the First Evil? I even came home with the full intention to talking to Faith, Willow and Tara about Spike, so why didn't I?

I'm angry at myself because I don't even have the answers to that question.

I turn to look out the living room window, wondering where Faith has gone off to. Is she staying in Sunnydale or did she leave town completely? If she left, where did she go? Back to LA? Definitely an option, but knowing her she could have gone anywhere. I almost want to go out and look for her, but I get the feeling that right now, with the way she was acting, finding her is only going to make everything a hundred times worse than it already is.

I don't even understand what's going on with her. If she's possessed by something, she really did a damn good job acting like nothing was wrong since she got home early this morning. I'm starting to feel really angry right now and I need to get out of the house.

"Buffy, where are you going?" Willow calls out as I open the front door.

"I need to get out of here, Will."

"I talked to Angel," she says quickly as she runs to catch up with me as I walk out of the house. "Buffy?"

"What?"

Willow takes a deep breath and I turn to look at her. "Angel didn't even know she was in LA this weekend," she says quietly and I clench my fists at my side. "He hasn't talked to her in weeks. I told him about the way she was acting towards you before she walked out. He's coming here tonight to help us figure out what's going on with her. He's worried about her now. Something is definitely going on, but we're going to figure it out, Buffy. I promise."

"She lied to me?" I mutter under my breath and I walk over to the bench at the end of the front porch and sit down, feeling a heavy pain in my heart weighing me down. "Why would she lie to me? She told me Angel called her and that she was going to LA to help him out. Why would she lie to me about something like that, Will?"

"I don't know. I'm starting to get this feeling maybe Tara and I should've come home a lot sooner than we did. And I wasn't completely honest either."

"About what?"

"About what the coven's seer really saw. I did't want to believe it and I didn't want to upset you or Faith. She said she saw something changing inside Faith, something that has been happening for quite a while, but it's not her doing it to herself, it's something else. Someone else."

"Doing what to her?"

"Luring her back to the dark side, making her crave that power she'd felt when she went all evil on us the last time."

"How?"

"Magic, maybe?" Willow shrugs. "Or maybe something powerful enough to call upon a demon to infect her. We'll figure it out and we'll fix this."

"I had no idea," I say softly as I shake my head, feeling empty inside right now. "I had no idea she was lying to me all this time."

"She's not herself right now, Buffy. I'm willing to bet that she doesn't even realize it either. Come on, let's go back inside, I'll make us some tea I brought back with me from London and we'll do some good old fashioned research."

I just nod my head and follow Willow back inside. Everything has just gotten a whole lot worse.

* * *

><p>I wasn't exactly thrilled to see Angel when he showed up on my front door step around ten. Dawn bugged me to stay up and help us research, but in the end she went to bed since I was in no mood to argue with her. After spending all afternoon and most of the night researching demons and possible spells that could've been cast on Faith, we haven't come up with anything that can help us. I slip outside and sit down on the front steps, sighing heavily when Angel follows me.<p>

"You okay?" He asks quietly as he sits on the step next to me. "You can talk to me about her if you want to."

"I don't and no, I'm not okay, Angel. Far from it."

"Did you notice anything different about her?"

"Aside from the off feeling I got this morning when she came home, no."

"Has she been spending a lot of time off doing her own thing?"

I sigh and know there's no way around this. We're talking about Faith whether I want to or not. She is the reason Angel is here after all and I know he just wants her to be safe and to figure out how to fix this, fix her.

"I've been taking Dawn out on patrol, training her. Faith doesn't come with us. She's usually off in another cemetery, patrolling there alone."

"And you're sure that's what she was doing?"

"That's what she told me and I had no reason to not trust her, Angel. I thought we were past all of that and that things were different now. It never occurred to me that something was going on with her, that she was lying to me for god knows how long now."

"Whatever it is that has possessed her, we'll get it out and you'll get her back," Angel says softly and I just stare at him, looking for signs of jealousy or if he's lying to me too. "She loves you, Buffy. Whatever she's been doing, I'm sure she doesn't even know she's doing this."

"I know," I frown and look away from him. "There's just so much going on right now and this is just one more thing I can't deal with. When I found out she lied to me about going to LA, I started thinking back to that so called conversation she had with you and what happened after, how we had a little fight about her going to LA alone."

"She didn't act any different after that phone call, did she?"

"Not that I could tell, no. God," I groan as I bury my face into my hands. "I hate this, Angel. It never ends. There's always something else being thrown into the mix, ruining my life."

I tense as he puts an arm around my shoulders and pulls me into him. He's cold and in a way it's bringing back memories of what it was like before when I was in love with him, memories of how safe I felt when he held me. I push those thoughts out of my head and move away from him.

"Buffy? I think we found something," Tara says as she opens the front door.

Angel and I head back inside without another word. We join Willow and Xander in the dining room and Willow has a book open in front of her, a book I haven't seen since I stole it from Roman's lair. I sit down next to Willow and she turns to me, frowning a little as she points to the pages that are open in front of me.

"I think we found out why Faith is acting like this, why she's being possessed and we kind of all agree that this has been going on a lot longer than you even know."

"What?"

"Roman, he cast some kind of spell on her. I can't really translate the whole spell, parts of it are in a language that doesn't exist in this dimension. Giles spent a long time trying to translate the book and it wasn't long before we figured out it just wasn't a book filled with prophecies, it is also a spell book."

"So, can we fix it? What are we waiting for?"

"It's not that simple," Willow says, frowning as she looks at me. "From what I can read, only the one who case that spell on her can undo it. Buffy, do you have any idea when Roman could've cast this spell on her?"

"The last time we saw Roman, or she did, was when she was chained up in his lair down in the sewers with Spike."

I get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. She's been under some kind of a spell since that day? Everything we've been through since then, all the times that we...I feel sick.

"Exactly what does this spell do, Will?" I ask her, wanting nothing more than to make sense of everything right now.

"I-it says something about ridding of the soul. Eliminating it."

"He's trying to make her go evil again?" Xander asks, coughing as I glare at him. "Sorry, Buff, but I'm just saying what everyone else is likely thinking right now."

"He might be right," Angel cuts in. "From the way she acted towards you, the things she said, sounds like she's losing grip of what good is left inside of her."

"Tell me this isn't permanent," I mutter under my breath as I try to hold back the tears. We didn't come this far just to lose it all like this! "Willow, please tell me this spell isn't permanent."

"I don't know," she frowns and she reaches for my hand and gives it a little squeeze. "I promise you we will figure out how to fix this and bring her back."

"I think the spell is just coming to fruition now," Tara says quietly and everyone turns to look at her. "If this was happening sooner, you would've known about it long before today. You spend almost every waking minute with her and unless she's the worlds greatest actress...which we all know she's not, right? You are Buffy, she couldn't have pulled this off for this long without you knowing something was different. Wrong, even."

"I'm going to go out and look for her," Angel says as he heads for the front door. "She won't be willing to come back here, but I think she's safer here than somewhere out there. I'll find her. Get the chains in the basement ready, Buffy, and please prepare yourself for what she could be when I bring her back. This is not the Faith you've fallen in love with and you need to understand that and you need to understand she likely has no idea this is even happening to her."

I feel like I'm on the verge of crying right now. I'm also angry and the slayer inside of me wants to go out and hunt Roman down and hurt him even though I know he cannot be killed being immortal and everything.

I look over at Angel and he gives me that look that tells me he's going to take care of this. As much as I want to go with him I know he won't let me and I know that right now that the last thing I should be doing.

I'm exhausted. Here I thought this summer was going great, as far as all the other problems we have to deal with. What I cannot deal with is losing Faith, not when I just got her in my life and am experiencing love in a whole different light.

Someone needs to wake me up from this nightmare when it's all over...

**Author's Notes: Now, I know a lot of people are going to be a little pissed about the way the story just turned, but trust me when I say that it's all going to be worth it. This is just my twisted little way in getting some of the events of season seven to come into play**


	49. Chapter 49

****Author's Notes:** Don't worry guys, I haven't forgotten about this one! I've just been wrapped up in getting JAF posted every other day and nursing myself back to health, recovering from a severely pinched nerve in my back. I'll try to get more chapters posted for this one on a weekly basis from here on out :)**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Forty-Nine<strong>

It's been three weeks. Three long, horrible weeks. Angel is still here and he keeps searching for Faith while we look for so-called clues as to where she could've gone off to, where she could be. I'm beyond exhausted at this point and my heart feels like it's been broken a million times, over and over again.

It's so empty without her. She's been a part of me since I was brought back and this feeling is the same feeling I had when she was gone for two and a half months and we spent almost every waking hour trying to figure out how to get her back. Different scenario this time, same situation in a sense. She's nowhere to be found. Willow isn't even sure how to reverse this spell, but I still have faith in her she'll figure it all out.

"Morning, Buffy," Willow says as she walks into the kitchen and heads straight for the coffee maker to pour herself a cup. "How'd you sleep?"

"Didn't."

"You really should-"

"I can't," I cut her off. "I try and I can't."

"I'm sorry, Buffy," she frowns as she turns to face me. "We're trying. Selwyn is coming by later. Not sure on the time, but don't be surprised if a witch suddenly pops up in the living room."

She laughs a little at that and I wish I could too. I feel so...empty. It feels like those first few minutes after I crawled out of my own grave, realizing what has happened to me and what I just had to do to get out and survive.

"Have you tried that locator spell?"

"Many times," Willow replies with a frown. "Something is blocking her. I-I'm not sure what it is, but once Selwyn is here, maybe she'll find a way to look past it and find her for us."

"I hope so."

"Buffy?"

"Yeah, Will?"

Willow sighs heavily as she walks over to me and takes both of my hands in hers. "I know you're worried. I know that you're heartbroken and that you miss her. I miss her too."

I pull my hands away from hers quickly. "Not helping, Will."

"Sorry."

"I want to kill him. Roman," I say angrily as I start pacing around the kitchen. "There has to be a way other than sending him back to his own hell dimension and me with him."

"Slight problem with that," Willow says softly. "He's a key player for the First and even if we tried to send him to that hell dimension, it's not going to work. The First is what is keeping him here. We need to figure out how to sidetrack him while we bring Faith back and go from there."

"Sidetrack him how? We don't even know where he is!"

"We'll figure it out, Buffy. We always do, don't we?"

We do, but I've been losing hope for a long time now. I don't want to say it. I don't need her worried about me too right now. There's enough going on as it is.

Willow leaves me alone in the kitchen as soon as Xander and Anya show up. Since it's Sunday and the Magic Box is closed, I should've known to expect Anya here today. It's not that I don't like her, I just hate how she keeps talking about Faith like she willingly let this happen to herself.

I head down to the basement and I'm not surprised to find Angel still awake. He's pacing and he's on the phone, talking quietly. The phone call is cut short as soon as I take the final step down. He turns to me and smile s a little bit, but I don't return it.

"Hey," he nods as he places the cordless phone down on top of the washing machine. "How are you holding up?"

"Barely."

"That was Wesley," he says as he points towards the phone. "He has a lead on Giles."

"Okay."

I walk over to the cot and sit down. Angel joins me, sitting on the opposite end. I'm finding it harder and harder to hold back the tears now and furiously wipe away at the few that fall.

"I'm getting close," Angel says softly. "Ran into a few vamps last night who have seen her around town so at least we know she's still here in Sunnydale."

"I'm coming with you tonight."

"Not a good idea."

"I can _feel_ her, Angel. If I can feel her, I can find her."

"Again let me explain why this isn't a good idea," he says firmly and I glare at him. "I don't want you there when I find her, bind her and drag her back here. I don't want you to see that. You don't _need_ to see that."

"I've seen worse."

"Buffy," he sighs as he moves to sit closer to me. "There is nothing worse in this world than watching the one you love become something else. Soulless."

"I sure know that as a first-hand experience. Unfortunately."

"I'll find her and bring her back. I promised you that much, didn't I?"

He's right. About everything. I hate how he's always right.

"I can't stand this," I sigh out as I turn to look at him. "Everything has been so...hard. I feel like we never get a break. When things start to go good, normal even, evil strikes again."

"You'll get through this, Buffy. You're a strong woman. Don't lose hope now."

"I've been on the verge of losing hope for a while now," I say honestly. "I found something with her," I whisper and Angel nods in understanding. "I found something in her I never thought I'd find, not with her or anyone else. Even as hard as it was before, it just falls into place with us now. We have our moments, our fights, but it wouldn't be healthy if we didn't, right? Why is she the one always taken and why is she the one these things are being done to? Why not me? Is there something wrong with me?"

"Absolutely not," Angel says softly and I look over at him and he's doing what at best is a comforting smile. "I wondered how long it'd take for you two to figure things out. Just sorry you have to go through all of this together."

"Whatever doesn't kill us only makes us stronger, right?"

Angel nods. "It does. When I bring her back," he says and clears his throat as he stands up from the cot, "I need you to promise me you won't come down here to see her until we get her back to herself."

"Can't promise anything."

"Buffy, please."

"Do you realize how hard that is for me? To know she's down here and I can't see her? I haven't seen her in three weeks! This is even worse than when she was sent to that hell dimension to kill Olivia and was trapped there for two and a half months!"

I see the wheels turning in Angel's head and I know he's likely on the verge of taking Faith someplace other than here when he finds her. Angel is pacing in front of me and I lean back against the wall and sigh heavily.

"Have you seen Spike?" Angel asks and I shake my head no. I hadn't been back to the school since that day. "Did Faith mention finding a way into the school through the sewers?"

"No. She never said anything. I don't think she even tried."

"I'll go as soon as the sun sets and look for him. We need to make sure he hasn't taken their side. The state that he was in when you found him, you can't be sure that it's really him or if it was all just an act."

"It wasn't an act, Angel. I know Spike and there's no way he could pull something like that off and have me believing he's truly broken and has a soul now."

Angel rolls his eyes and I do too. I never did understand the beef they have between each other. It's a long story, one I'm sure is far too long.

"When I find Spike, I'm bringing him back here and then I'm going out to find Faith."

"Where are we going to keep them? We can't keep both of them chained up down here. With Faith being what she is now, we don't know if she'll try to stake him. She's wanted to since she came back, she told me that many times, but what stopped her was the fact that he was harmless and he was helping everyone, playing the good vampire. Nothing is going to stop her now."

"We'll deal with it when the time comes," Angel says and he grabs his jacket, checking his pockets to make sure he has his weapons and zip-ties with him. "For now, I'm going to find Spike and-"

"I'll deal with Spike," I say, cutting him off. "You just worry about Faith."

"Buffy-"

I wave a hand at him, shutting him up. I pace the basement floor and run my hands through my hair, wishing I had the answers that can help us get out of this mess we're in right now. All I know right now is we need Spike and Faith here where we can keep an eye on both of them and then we can figure out how the hell we're gonna get one step in front of Roman and the First.

I leave Angel down in the basement. With only two hours until the sun sets, I know I can get a head start on him. I ignore Willow as she calls out my name, grabbing my jacket and walk right out the front door. I hop into the Jeep and drive straight to the school, the only thought on my mind right now is getting Spike out of there and back to the house, even if I have to beat him senseless in order to get him out of the school basement where he is being thoroughly tormented by things I cannot see.

Robin Wood is just coming out the front doors, about to lock up when I pull up in the parking lot. He sees me, turning to wave a little as I get out of the car. I have a sense of determination in my step as I march right up to him.

"Buffy, hello-"

"I need to get in there," I say as I point to the doors he's just locked. "And please do not ask me why, just unlock the door and let me go in there and do what I have to do."

"Buffy, what is going on?"

"Open the doors," I say through clenched teeth and he looks a bit scared as he backs up to the doors and quickly unlocks it.

"Buffy?"

"What?" I ask as I pull the door open.

"Is there something I can help you with?"

I know Spike is going to be a handful, that's for sure, but I also know I can pretty much take care of him myself. Maybe. I sigh and motion for Wood to follow me and I head straight for the basement door with him following me closely.

"Do you want to explain what is going on?"

"You have a souled vampire locked up in the basement going absolutely insane with every day that passes. Me? I just decided to break him out, take him back to mine and lock him up in the basement where I can keep an eye on him just in case he, you know, snaps and goes on some kind of rampage that puts all the people in this school in danger."

"Whoa, okay, hold on a second here and explain-"

"I just did. I am not explaining anything else. If you want to help, by all means. I'm going to need something strong to tie his hands and feet together, eliminating his need to escape when he realizes where I'm taking him."

"Buffy," Wood says as he stops me from opening the basement door. "Look, I know I have no right to know what's really going on, but if you want my help, you'll need to explain what it is that you're doing right now and why on earth a vampire slayer is helping a vampire, saving him or whatever."

"He has a soul."

Wood laughs incredulously and shakes his head. "A vampire with a soul? Really?"

"Yes, really."

"By all means then," he says with a sarcastic tone in his voice as he opens the basement door and motions for me to go first.

I head down the stairs quickly and head straight for the room I know Spike is still locked up in. I don't bother looking behind me, I know Wood is trying to keep up with my fast stride. The sooner I deal with Spike and get him back to the house and chained up, the sooner I can head back out and look for Faith and find her before Angel does.

I know Angel would never hurt her, but none of us know what kind of state of mind she is in right now. I've heard a few things over the last few weeks that she's gone completely rogue again. Rumours that she's taken innocent lives, but I refuse to believe that. She couldn't have gone off into the darkness so quickly in the last three weeks, could she?

I pull the metal door open and find Spike huddled in a corner, muttering to himself as he scrapes his fingernails against the dirt floor. I look back at Wood and he holds up some rope he just picked up off the floor. I roll my eyes. Rope won't hold Spike for long, but it's better than nothing.

"Get up," I say to Spike as I grab his worn, tattered shirt, pulling him roughly to his feet.

"Go away, Slayer. Not in the mood for your games."

"Get up," I stay angrily, forcing him to stay on his feet as he tries to crumble back to the floor. I punch him hard to the side of the head and he growls in pain, both hands going to where I just punched him. "Get up, Spike."

"What is the matter with you? Bloody hell," Spike moans and the second I let go of his shirt, he slides against the wall, crumpling back up on the floor where I'd found him. "You're worse than the other one. Thought she was going to kill me. Carved me up a little before leaving me here, telling me she'd be back."

"Faith?"

"Yes Faith. You're bloody fucking lover Faith," Spike says and the way her name rolls off his tongue makes me want to stake him myself. "She tried to kill me. He wouldn't let her," Spike says and points to the opposite end of the room. "Yes, _him_, he has power over her you see? He wouldn't let her. Told her it wasn't time and she left, promising me that she'd be back when it was time. Poof I'll go at the end of her bloody stake."

"A little bit off his rocker, isn't he?" Wood mutters as he stands beside me. I shoot him a look as Spike begins laughing maniacally, struggling to get to his feet as he clutches the side of his head. "And you're helping him because?"

"Because I need to. He's a key player in this fight, Wood. You wouldn't understand-"

"No, I wouldn't understand because I clearly offered you my help in this fight and you flat out denied me and kept me in the dark."

"I don't trust you," I snap and I look over at Spike as his maniac laughter turns to giggles.

I grab Spike by the throat, shutting him up instantly as I glare right at him. The sun is still up but I'm not going to let it stop me from dragging him out to the Jeep and driving back to the house. Spike growls, his demeanour changing in an instant as he slips into his game face and head-butts me hard. I stagger backwards, shaking it off and tackle Spike to the ground before he can lunge at Wood.

I struggle to hold him down. He's stronger than I thought he was. He gets the upper hand and flips us around until he's on top. He licks over his lips and his fangs, grinning down at me in a sadistic way that makes my insides churn.

Robin Wood just proves he can be an asset as he uses a metal bar to knock Spike out cold. His body drops lifelessly-even more so-on top of me and I roll him off quickly and grab the ropes from Wood's hands.

"He was about to make you his dinner," Wood says, shaking his head as he drops the bar to the ground. "He was about to take a bite to eat and you're saving him?"

"You don't understand."

"Then help me understand," he replies. "Please, Buffy. I came here to help."

"I don't need your help. I have enough help."

"Oh you mean that pretty brunette, the other slayer who nearly killed me last night as I was on my way home?" Wood asks, a hint of sarcasm in his voice. I see red, but control myself as I tie Spike's hands behind his back tight and move to his feet. "Listen, I know you have no reason to trust me or know that I can be a good help around here, but my offer is there and I know you will need all the help you can get."

"I'll keep that in mind."

I try not to think about what Spike said about Faith, or what Wood just said about her nearly killing him last night. She couldn't have gone that far off into the darkness, could she? It's only been three weeks. I shake my head and pull Spike up until he's sitting, still unconscious from the blow he took to the head courtesy of Sunnydale High's newest principal.

With Wood's help, mostly him carrying the heaviest of Spike's weight despite struggling a lot more than I would've, I get Spike out of the school and into the back of the Jeep just as the sun gets low enough that I don't have to worry about him going up in flames. Wood tries to convince me to let him come along, but I tell him off and warn him that if he tries to follow me, that I will seriously hurt him.

I don't like threatening humans, but he is getting on my last nerve.

Angel is still at the house when I pull up and he's right outside the second I turn the engine off. With his help, we get Spike into the basement and chained to the wall. I can't help but notice the new set of chains on the same wall but just far enough away that if Faith were down here too, she couldn't even touch Spike if she tried. Spike is still unconscious as Angel makes sure the shackles are tight.

"Care to explain what happened?"

"Not really," I reply with a shake of my head.

"He took a pretty nasty blow to the head."

"He turned on me, was about to take a bite."

"He turned on you?"Angel asks and I can see the flare of anger in his eyes as he takes a step towards me, closely examining me, likely looking to see if Spike had hurt me.

"I'm fine," I say through gritted teeth before Angel can reach out to touch me. "Wood helped me with Spike and Wood is the reason Spike is in unconscious land right now."

"The principal you told me about?" Angel asks and I only nod. "Is he on our side?"

"He wants to be. Offered me his help. I declined. Several times."

Angel sighs and moves to sit on the cot in it's new location by the stairs. "Was Spike still acting out of sorts before this principal knocked him out cold?"

Angel needs to know about Faith. I know he does. It's information I cannot keep from him even though I want to. I can't. I sit down next to him and tell him what Spike had said and then I tell him what Wood had said about his encounter with Faith last night. Angel is up on his feet and headed up the stairs before I can say another word and I'm right there behind him.

"You're staying here, Buffy."

"No, I'm not and I am not having this discussion with you again. This time I'm coming with you and we're going to find her tonight. We're not coming back here until we find her."

Angel doesn't argue this time, not when I grab the baseball bat that's sitting on the bench by the front door. I lead the way and I head in the direction of where I know Robin Wood lives. If I know Faith as well as I think I do, she's a creature of habit and she could likely be stalking Wood again tonight.

God, I hope we find her. I really do. I'm tired of not knowing where she is, what she's been doing. I don't even want to entertain the though that she's out there hurting innocent people just for shits and giggles. She's better than that and whatever darkness is inside of her pulling her in deep, I know she'd fight it until she was too weak.

And when it comes to Faith? She doesn't get weak that easily. And she doesn't give up when things get too tough.

* * *

><p>Angel and I have been all over town and it's just after two in the morning. I'm tired of walking and I sit on a bench just outside of Shady Acres, breathing heavily as I try to control my emotions. Throughout the night we'd run into some vampires and demons, most of which Angel approached first, wearing his game face and tried to get some information out of them about Faith before he staked them. The demons were harder to approach and we ended up killing them without any exchange of words or information.<p>

"Maybe we should call it a night?" Angel says as he sits down next to me. "Wherever she is, she's staying one step ahead of us. I can smell her every place that we've gone, but it's been faint."

"This whole smelling thing is really weird, Angel," I chuckle softly. "We're going to find her tonight. I know it and-"

"Well, well," Faith says as she saunters out of the shadows by the bushes at the entrance of the cemetery. "Guess that hunch I had was right. You two _are_ out here looking for me. Guess I just answered your prayers, huh? Well, here I am. What you gonna do now, B? Gonna give us a kiss?"

I clench my teeth and don't move as Angel slowly rises to his feet.

"If it isn't the big vamp in shiny black armour. Come to save the day, have you, Soul-boy?"

"Hello Faith."

Just the way he said her name, so calm and clear had her almost losing grip of the darkness that's taken over her. But it only lasted a second before she lunged towards him, stake in her hand and ready for the kill. I grip the baseball bat tight, waiting for the right second to swing as Angel struggles to fight her off. I almost don't want to do this, but I know there's not going to be any other way we're getting her back unless she's knocked out cold.

I can't even believe Angel either. Here he's fighting for his life, literally, and he can barely hold her off. She's quicker and faster, stronger too from the looks of it. I slowly and quietly make my way behind her and raise the bat, ready to swing as soon as Angel forcefully pushes her backwards. I swing and she ducks quickly.

"Swing and a miss, B!" Faith laughs giving me a wink before she reaches for a knife inside her jacket. "Gotta make you pay for that one."

"We'll see about that," I grin as Angel walks up behind her and I quickly toss the bat to him and he takes a nice swing at her head, hard enough to knock her out but not hard enough to seriously hurt her.

"Let's move quickly," he says as he takes the zip-ties out of his pocket and quickly cuffs Faith's hands behind her back and then her feet together. "Let's get her home."

"I told you we'd find her tonight and here you were ready to give up and call it a night."

"Do not patronize me, Buffy. She was playing a game. She knew we've been looking for her and she knew we'd been out all night tonight. I'd bet anything she was backtracking and following us every step of the way, just waiting for the right moment to make her move."

I don't bother saying anything else. Angel is pissed off right now. He hoists Faith over his shoulder and we move quickly, almost running back to the house before she has a chance to wake up. I'm fighting back the tears too just seeing the state that she's in. Never did I think I'd ever see her like that again and it's worse than I imagined.

"Buff, what's going on-oh wow," Xander says as I open the front door and hold it open for Angel as he carries Faith inside. "You found her?"

"She found us."

"Stay up here, Buffy," Angel says as he heads for the basement door. "And I mean it. That is an order. You stay upstairs and let me deal with her."

"What happened?" Xander asks me and I shake my head, heading towards the basement door, not willing to take any kind of order from Angel in my own goddamn house. "Buff, wait," Xander says as he grabs my arm. "Maybe it's better if you, you know, stay up here?"

I groan and roll my eyes. Xander is right. I can't just blow him off like I can with Angel. I sigh and take off my jacket as I sit down on the stool at the island counter. There is a pizza box sitting there and I open it, my eyes welling up with tears when I see that it's Faith's favourite and has barely even been touched.

I put my head down, burying my face into my hands as the tears begin to fall. Xander is right at my side, holding me as the tears keep on falling.

I want to be happy we have Faith back, that I got Spike here and out of that school basement and away from whatever it is that has been torturing him.

I want to be happy. I do. But there's nothing to be happy about, not after seeing what she's turned into, a mirror image of her old self and yet somehow I already know that this time, it's a lot worse.


	50. Chapter 50

****Author's Notes:** Sorry for the lack of updates, but they'll be more frequent from now on, this I can promise any of you guys who are still reading this one :)**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Fifty<strong>

The screams of agony is destroying me. I'm in my room and even with a whole floor separating us, I can hear her just like I'm down there in the basement with her. I have barely slept in the three days since Angel and I brought her back home. Selwyn showed up shortly after she was chained up safely in the basement.

Selwyn, Willow, Tara, and two others from Selwyn's coven are in the basement doing a spell to rid Faith of the demon and the darkness that has been cast inside of her by Roman. They've been down there for a day. A _day_! I don't know how much more of this I can stand and I don't know what this is doing to her.

Angel is still here and no thanks to Dawn who covered every window in the house with every single sheet and blanket we own, he doesn't have to stay cooped up in the basement all day. Spike is tied to a metal chair in my bedroom, my _genius_ idea when Selwyn told me to get the vampire out of the basement before they started the reversal spell on Faith.

Spike has been relatively quiet too the past couple of days. The only time he speaks is when he's hungry and I get Angel to feed him, leaving the two of them alone to escape to Dawn's room for about half an hour at a time.

"Buffy?" Spike whispers and I pull the pillow off my head, the pillow I'd been using to try to drown out Faith's screams. "Buffy, are you all right?"

"No. Does it look like I'm all right, Spike?"

"They'll sort it out," he says softly. "You'll get her back."

"I hope so."

"No need for broken hope. That Selwyn is a mighty powerful witch and so are Willow and Tara. They'll get her back, Slayer. Count on that."

"Thanks, Spike," I mutter, rolling my eyes as I fix my hair a little. "How are you feeling?"

"A bit peckish."

"Do you want me to-"

"Not that hungry yet, luv."

"And what about um...you know?" I ask him, referring to what had been tormenting him in the school basement. The First Evil or whatever else it was. Hallucinations even. We have a few theories and aren't sure what to believe when it comes to him.

"Those bloody annoying voices that drove me insane? The searing pain where I can feel my soul?" Spike asks, grimacing a little as he tries to shift in the chair, his tight bounds preventing much movement. "Haven't heard 'em since you knocked me out cold and dragged me here. Still feel the soul. Always will. Burns less these days. Can't help but think being away from the Hellmouth Seal has helped that."

"We're still not letting you go free, Spike."

"Can't blame you for that one," he says with a sad smile. "You don't trust me. I don't trust myself. It's for the better, for the moment. Can't keep me bound to this chair forever now, can you?"

If only. I don't say a word as the screams from the basement slowly begin to fade. Angel knocks on the partially closed door, holding a cup of warm blood for Spike in his hand.

"I figured you'd be hungry by now, Spike," Angel says, a weird tone to his voice as Spike just growls at him. "Xander just showed up. He's asking for you, Buffy."

I nod and leave the two of them alone and head downstairs. Xander is in the dining room and he's brought coffee and donuts. I smile at him as I take the offered coffee cup and I sit at the table, shivering as I hear soft sobbing coming from the basement that I know is coming from Faith.

"They still at it?" Xander asks and I nod my head. "How you holding up?"

"I'm fine. I just want this to be over."

"We all do," he replies sadly. "I'll go pick Dawnie up from school if you'd like?"

"You don't mind?"

"Of course not."

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Xander."

He laughs and puts an arm around my shoulders as he sits down in the chair next to me. I rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes tight as the screams of anguish start up again. I feel sick, but Xander just holds me close. I push his arm off from around me and stand up quickly, nearly knocking my coffee over as I do.

"Buffy..."

"I can't take anymore of this, Xander. They're not just reversing the spell, they're flat out torturing her!"

"You remember what Selwyn said that this wasn't going to be easy. Not for her or them. Just have faith in them, Buff."

The entire house begins to shake and a loud roar, although brief, travels through and leaves my ears ringing as it fades and the house stops shaking. Xander looks a bit frightened and he looks up at me with wide, questioning eyes. If only I knew what just happened too.

"What just-"

"I don't know," I cut him off. "Whatever it was, that can't be good, right?"

"I'm thinking no."

We don't move from where we are for what feels like forever. Willow is the first to appear from the basement. She looks completely worn out and drained, but her eyes light up as she sees the half a dozen coffee cups from the Espresso Pump sitting on the dining room table. Slowly, one by one, Tara and the others come up from the basement. I'm trying not to jump right at them with a million questions about what had happened and if the spell they were doing even worked.

"That was exhausting," Willow says, frowning as she sits down and fights off a yawn.

"You were brilliant," Tara smiles at her, smoothing her hair as she sits down next to her. Selwyn and the two members of her coven are standing off to the side of the room by the hallway, talking quietly.

"Um guys?" I say impatiently. "Please don't leave me hanging in suspense here. Did the spell work?"

"Buffy-"

"Willow, did it work?"

Willow looks to Tara and they both look over at me. She looks sad, sadder than I've seen her in a very long time and I know the news can't be good.

"It worked," she says softly. "But-"

"But what?"

"Buffy, be calm," Xander says as he rubs my shoulder and I almost punch him the second he lays a hand on me. "Please stay calm."

"What happened to her?"

"Buffy," Tara says slowly as she looks right at me and she struggles to hold my gaze. I can barely look at her, the tears building in my eyes making it hard to see clearly. "What was in her, we got it out. I-I read her aura and she's fragmented."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"She's herself but she's not."

I get up from my chair and march towards the basement door and Selwyn is the one who stops me. From opening the door.

"Get out of my way before I move you myself," I almost growl through clenched teeth.

"Dear, you must understand that what Faith has been through while under the influence of the spell and especially in the last three weeks, it's damaged her. And no, it has not damaged her beyond repair. Her soul is intact, fragmented but intact. She's hurt. Distraught. The overwhelming guilt can be felt a thousand times just from looking at her. There is no telling how she will be if she sees you."

"I don't care. I need to see her."

Selwyn frowns and slowly moves away from the door. "Be cautious and gentle with her, Buffy. The last year has been hard on her and this has just made everything much harder for her to deal with. She needs time. Time to heal, time to reflect, time to learn to trust herself."

I ignore her and head down the stairs. I try not to let the tears fall as I see Faith huddled on the floor, her face to the wall and her back to me. She's shaking a little as I approach her slowly and as soon as I'm just a few feet away she jerks around, her eyes dark and wild looking as she cowers against the wall.

"What do you want?"

"Faith," I whisper, my tears betraying me and falling anyway. "Are you-are you okay?"

"Go away."

"Faith-"

"Get the hell away from me, Buffy."

I'm not about to back down. I haven't seen her in three weeks! I can't just go away. I watch her as she turns around and slumps against the wall. She looks up at me and god, she looks horrible. Her eyes are puffy and red, her skin is pale, and her arms have scratches all over them from what I can see.

I just want to unchain her and pull her into my arms, kiss her and promise her everything is going to be okay. I can sense from the way she's acting that that is definitely not going to happen. At least not today. It doesn't stop the need I have for her, to touch her, to feel her lips on mine after not having her here for the last three weeks. This is the woman I'm so desperately in love with and the one who basically saved my life after I was brought back in ways I don't even think she knows.

I guess it's my turn now, to do what she did for me.

"Faith, are you okay?" I ask her gently, not moving from where I'm standing. She shrugs and looks away from me. "I get that you're not okay, but-"

"I feel just fucking peachy, B," she quips, her lips curling into a sarcastic grin as she rolls her eyes. "How the hell else do you think I feel right now? Huh?"

I don't say anything. Anything I say is just going to make her angry. I can see that now. She has that wild look in her eyes I know all too well, only it's different than what I've gotten used to. Even the feeling I get when I'm near her feels different now. I try not to let any more tears fall, but they do and I quickly wipe them away.

"What ya crying for?" Faith asks, cocking her head to the side as she stares at me.

"Why are you being like this?"

"This is who I am. What else would I be like, Buffy? Expect me to bounce right back, huh? Ain't gonna be that easy for me, Princess."

Maybe I shouldn't have come down here so soon after the spell the others used to reverse the spell that Roman had cast on her. Maybe I should've just given her some time, some space, and ignored the selfish part of me that needed to see her. What was I thinking? That she'd see me and she'd be her normal self again? That she'd pull me into her arms and kiss me and tell me how much she missed being apart from me? What kind of fantasy world am I living in here?

I turn and head for the stairs. This was a mistake. I hear Faith scoff and I stop as I reach the bottom of the stairs and turn to look at her. She's on her feet now, a little shaky but she's staring right at me with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Things got fucked up," she says softly and lowers her eyes to the floor. "Didn't even know how fucked up things were getting 'til I had no control over myself anymore."

"None of it was your fault."

"No," she sighs. "It wasn't my fault, but I should've known something was inside me. Should've felt it. Should've felt the changes and I just ignored them."

"You didn't know that this is what was going to happen."

"I did a lot of fucked up shit the past few weeks," she mutters and she still refuses to look at me. "I kinda need some time, B. I can't go back to the way things were with us. Not yet. You get where I'm coming from right? I ain't right in the head right now. Not good enough to be with you, to be loved by you. And don't tell me that it's not true, 'cause I'm not gonna believe it. Refuse to."

"What are you asking me for, Faith?"

"For time."

"How much time?"

"Don't know," she shrugs. "I'll let you know down the road, yeah?"

"Are you going to stay here?"

"Here as in here?" Faith asks and I nod. "Can't stay in the house, but I'll stay in town. That good enough for you, B? I know we got a helluva fight coming and I'm not about to run from that 'cause of some fucked up shit that happened to me. Again."

"Okay."

"When you gonna let me outta these?" Faith asks as she holds up her hands and jingles the shackles.

"I don't know. I'll get back to you on that," I reply with a hint of sarcasm in my voice as I turn and head up the stairs.

I feel so numb as I close the basement door behind me. Willow is right there in the kitchen and it is her arms I collapse into as the tears fall.

I don't know what I expected to happen. I know in my mind things played out differently. Being in love can play tricks sometimes, make you think things will turn out differently when in the end, so not the case.

* * *

><p>A few days have passed and I've barely left my room. Angel was the one who released Faith last night and I know in a way it was wrong to keep her chained up like some animal when she really isn't, but it was keeping her here and now she's gone.<p>

I feel empty. Lost. Much like how I felt after I crawled out of my own grave. Those memories, those feelings, they all come flooding back. Faith had been the one who kept me from remembering by loving me the way she did.

I can't even begin to imagine what she's going through right now, how she feels, what she's thinking after nearly having her soul destroyed. None of us really know what she's done over the last three weeks, but from what Angel told me earlier after Faith left, she did some things that she can't take back and nearly took several innocent people's lives just for getting in her way. Angel promised me that he was going to keep an eye on her until he leaves and when he's gone, he promised me he'd find someone to take his place and make sure she stays on the right path to redemption, picking up where she left off.

"Buffy?" Dawn says as she tentatively knocks on my bedroom door. The drawers where Faith's clothes were are still open and empty. "I brought you some tea."

"Thanks," I say as I pull the covers over my head, not in the mood for any kind of social interaction right now. "Just leave it on the night stand and go away, Dawnie."

I feel the bed move as she sits next to me and she yanks the covers off my head. She's frowning as I glare at her.

"You can't stay in here forever," she says and I shrug as I sit up and lean against the headboard.

"I just need some time alone."

"Buffy, look, I get it. You're heartbroken because Faith needs time and that means time away from you, from all of us. I thought you'd understand after what she'd just gone through that this would happen? She can't just bounce back into her normal life, not after that."

"I know."

"Then why are you moping?"

"Why are you giving me such a hard time about it, Dawn?" I snap and she wraps her arms around me tightly and I try to push her away. I don't have the strength right now and she knows it. "Just leave me alone, please, Dawnie."

"No. I can't let you. This is not healthy, Buffy. We're worried about you. I get that you're depressed and that probably won't change any time soon, but things aren't going to get better if you stay in here forever."

"I told you I'm not-"

"Angel is leaving tonight. He's going back to LA," she says, cutting me off. "He wanted me to let you know that he wants to see you before he goes."

"He knows where to find me."

"You don't get it do you? There are _bigger_ things happening, bigger than you and Faith!"

God, she's such a brat. Why does she have to actually be right for once? Dawn cracks a smile as I pull back the covers and get out of bed. She's beaming as I flip her off and head for the bathroom to shower.

After a long, hot shower and fresh, clean clothes, I head downstairs and straight for the kitchen where Willow and Dawn are talking quietly as Tara makes herself a cup of tea. Willow looks surprised I'm even out of my room and I can't blame her. I know she was probably expecting me to spend a few more days up there moping. And I would be if it wasn't for Dawn being so annoying.

"Where's Angel?" I ask no one in particular.

"In the basement talking to Spike," Willow replies and I nod and head down to the basement, making sure the door is shut behind me.

"You're leaving tonight?" I ask Angel as he sits on the cot facing Spike who is still chained to the wall, sitting on another smaller cot someone brought down for him. "How come you didn't tell me?"

"I didn't want to disturb you," he replies quietly. "I know you're upset about Faith-"

"No, I don't want to talk about her. That's not why I came down here," I say sharply. "How come you're leaving?"

"I'm not needed here. I'm needed in LA, I have a life down there and I've been gone for too long. Wesley called this morning. We have a few issues piling up down there and I need to get back."

"Does Wesley know where Giles is?"

"New York City," he replies and Spike chuckles a little making both of us turn our attention to him.

"What?" Spike smirks as he lights a cigarette. "Was just remembering the time I spent there. Been a long time."

"Mind your own business," I snap at him and he laughs again. "Spike, so help me god-"

"May I remind you, Slayer, you have me chained up in your basement. Just so happens Angel is down here and you wanted to talk to him. Can't be helped that I can't leave you two to your business."

"What is he doing in New York?" I ask Angel, deciding ignoring Spike is easier than making him shut up with a hard right hook to the face.

"Wesley didn't say. He didn't talk to Giles, just spoke with a retired Watcher who encountered him there a few days ago."

"Oh."

"I'm sure he'll be in touch as soon as he can, Buffy. I know with everything going on here, you need him here to help you find the answers. I think you guys can manage until he gets in touch."

Gee thanks for the support, Angel. I roll my eyes and get up from the cot. I don't even say goodbye since I'm saving my goodbye until he's about to leave. I head back upstairs and shut the door behind me. Only Willow is in the kitchen now and I can hear Dawn and Tara laughing and the sound of cartoons playing on the TV in the living room.

"Giles is in New York," I say to Willow as I move to stand in front of the sink and lean back against the counter.

"I know. He told me after Wesley called. Buffy, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, Will."

"Are you okay? I mean, it's obvious that you're not okay, but you know things will get better. She just needs some time right now."

I shake my head no and cross my arms over my chest. I don't want to talk about this. Why doesn't anyone get that I don't want to talk about what's going on with Faith and her lack of being here where she belongs, with me?

I just want things to go back to the way they were before Roman cast that spell on Faith. I also want to know why it took so long for the spell to start working and what I want to know is what the hell she did when she went to LA, if she even went there in the first place!

I rub my throbbing temples and Willow is just staring at me, looking all concerned.

"I know what you need," Willow says with a smile. "Ice cream!"

"Will..."

"Come on, Buffy. We'll get some ice cream and watch movies. It'll be like old times again. Just you and me, what do you say? Maybe Xander if Anya will let him sleep over."

I laugh a little at that. How can I say no? I smile at her and she smiles right back and heads for the fridge, opening the freezer door and pulls out a carton of vanilla ice cream. I don't even bother with bowls and I grab two spoons before we head into the living room together. All that's missing is Xander, but that's okay. Knowing him, he'll come here after work like he normally does almost every day.

* * *

><p>After a few hours watching movies with Willow, Tara, and Dawn, most of them I know Faith would be muttering how crappy they are, I feel exhausted and my head is pounding. I want to cry, but I don't want to feel so weak, so vulnerable. This isn't who I am, I don't sulk and mope and cry over love lost-because it's not truly lost, is it? I'm stronger than this.<p>

It's almost kind of ridiculous, isn't it? Feeling so heartbroken, so lost and alone. Faith was never someone I ever imagined I'd find anything with except for my fist in her face. Faith was there during the hardest, darkest moment of my life and she stayed by my side, never giving up on me. Her love saved me, pulled me from that darkness I could feel pulling at me for those first few months. I let her love me and somewhere along the way, I fell in love with her too.

Nobody really understands what we have. I don't even know if Faith understands what we have if she's running from me after what she's just been through. I could've helped her like she helped me. I could have held her back from the darkness she's feeling inside, reeling from. I could've held her and told her that none of it was her, that it was only just a spell and that it wasn't her fault she did the things she did.

What happens now? What if she decides never to come back to me? What if nothing will ever be the same between us because she won't let it?

"Why don't we order pizza?" Dawn says as soon as whatever movie we'd been watching that I haven't been paying any attention to is over.

"We had pizza last night," Tara reminds her gently. "Buffy, what do you feel like? We're going to order in tonight."

"I'm not hungry."

"Buffy," Dawn frowns as she moves to sit next to me as soon as Willow gets up from the couch. "You need to eat something."

"I had ice cream."

Dawn shakes her head no. "Something that's actual food," she says gently. "Do you want to make something to eat instead of ordering in?"

"No. Pizza is fine."

Dawn gets up, frowning as she grabs the cordless phone and hits the pizza place we have on speed dial, no thanks to Faith. I get up from the couch, feeling like I need a little bit of air. I grab my jacket and open the front door, nearly jumping when I see Giles standing out there on the front porch.

"Giles!"

"So, this is the slayer?" A short, brunette girl says as she steps in front of Giles and looks me up and down. "Huh."

Three others follow her as they walk into my house without a single care in the world. I look at Giles, waiting for him to give me some kind of an answer.

Things are just about to get even more interesting around here, aren't they?

Well that's just...perfect.


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter Fifty-One**

I stand in the living room facing Giles as the three girls he brought with him sit on the couch. Dawn, Willow, and Tara are standing by me, they too waiting for Giles to explain what is going on here. He's been here for half an hour and hasn't said a word except to ask one of us if we'd put on the kettle to make some tea.

"Giles, where have you been?" Willow asks him and he takes a deep breath as he moves to sit down in the arm chair. "We've been looking for you!"

"I do realize that, but I had some very important matters to take care of first and foremost. Molly, would you please assist Annabelle in the kitchen and bring out the tea?"

The brunette that had come in the house first, I learned not long ago her name is Kennedy and she's already getting on my nerves, sitting there on my couch in my house, smirking at me as she stares at me, judging me or whatever it is she's doing.

"As you know, a few months ago Buffy and Faith started having dreams," he says and he clears his throat when I cross my arms over my chest. "These were prophetic dreams and they were very well happening out in the world, day after day. Young potential slayers, those with Watcher's already training them, preparing them, were being hunted and killed by Harbingers. I started searching out some Watcher's that I knew personally, only to find most of them had already been killed."

"And these girls?" I ask him. "They are potential slayers?"

"They are," he nods. He takes a deep breath as the two that disappeared to the kitchen come back with a tray, the kettle on top with enough cups for all of us and a small plate of cookies. "A dear friend of mine had access to the Council's database, listing the names and locations of all potential slayers all over the world. Once I had my hands on that list, I began to search out for them, most of them already killed before I reached them. These are the first three I've gotten to before the Harbingers could locate them."

"And why are they _here_, Giles?" I ask him, feeling rather irritated about this whole situation.

"Because you are the only one who can protect them, Buffy. There are others. The coven is working on finding them and sending them here."

"Are you crazy?" I ask him, my voice raising a few octaves. "How am I supposed to protect them? What are we protecting them from? Bringers?"

Giles nods and pours himself a cup of tea. "There's more to this and I promise you I'll explain everything that I can. It's been a long flight from London and a fourteen hour stop over in New York City with three teenaged girls can be quite tiring."

"Is there some place we can crash?" Kennedy asks and Willow motions for her and the other two girls to follow her.

"I'll put them in my room, if that's okay, Buffy?"

"Fine."

I stare at Giles and he does look completely exhausted. I want more answers. There's so much more to all of this and he hasn't even begun to tell me what the hell is going on here. I sit down on the couch and try to ease the throbbing in my head by rubbing my temples. First Faith and now this?

Tara and Dawn leave us alone in the living room when Willow calls out for them to help her find some blankets and sleeping bags for the three potential slayers.

"Will Faith be joining us shortly?" Giles asks and I shake my head no. "No? Buffy, what-oh dear, I'm sorry. Did something happen between you two that I'm not aware of?"

"Where do you want me to start?" I ask him, laughing bitterly. "We've been trying to find you for a while, Giles. We _needed_ you here. Okay and before you start, yes I realize you were dealing with much heavier and important things like saving these potential slayers from being killed and everything, but there's things happening here that we can't deal with on our own. Spike has a _soul_ and he's gone crazy!"

"Spike has a soul?" Giles is laughing now and I just keep a straight face. "How on bloody earth can Spike have a soul?"

"We have him chained up in the basement."

Giles is laughing like it's the single most hilarious thing he has ever heard in his life. I clear my throat as Angel walks into the living room and stands by Giles' chair.

"Angel!" Giles says quickly, composing himself. "What on earth are you doing here?"

"Did you tell him?" Angel asks me.

"I'm working on it."

"May I?"

I motion for him to go ahead, really not having the energy to explain what happened with Faith to Giles right now. I'm not even sure I can mention her name without having the tears that have been lingering fall uncontrollably.

I can't even stay in the same room as Angel tells Giles about the spell Roman had cast on Faith, what we knew about it, how long she'd been gone for this time. I head down to the basement, wanting to escape from everyone else for a little while. Spike is sleeping, but wakes up as soon as I sit down on the second last step. At least Spike keeps his mouth shut. He lights a cigarette and picks up the magazine that's lying on the cot next to him.

I can't believe Giles just showed up like that and has the nerve to bring three complete strangers to my house on top of it! Nobody has heard from him in quite some time and we haven't been able to track him down. I mean, I get it. I get he had important things to do, innocent lives to save along the way, but he should've at least told us what he was doing.

"Something on your mind, luv?" Spike asks and I shake my head no. "Heard Giles come back," he says as he motions upstairs. "Brought some excess baggage with him, did he?"

"Unfortunately."

"He's right, you know," he says and I shoot him a glare. "Those girls are safer here with you. You know that, right?"

"I _know_, Spike, but that doesn't mean I have to be happy about it."

"Feel like letting me out tonight?" Spike asks and I laugh at that. "Come on now, I'm perfectly fine! I'm just itching for some fresh air. I'll come crawling back home to you. Don't need to worry about that. No way am I going back down in that cursed basement and I'm betting my old crypt-"

"Spike? Shut up," I snap at him as I get up and walk over to where we keep the keys to unlock the padlocks that keep the shackles on his wrists locked. "Don't make me regret this."

"You don't need to worry about nothing," he mutters, cigarette dangling from his lips as he holds his arms out for me. I hesitate for a moment before I take the shackles off him and he grins, rubbing his wrists as he sits back down on the cot and makes himself comfortable. "Appreciate it."

I leave him down there and head back upstairs. I feel so...trapped in my own house right now, trapped in my life that's a complete mess. Angel is waiting for me in the kitchen and he has his bag by his feet. It's dark enough for him to head out, I notice as I steal a quick glance at the kitchen window.

"I caught him up," he says quietly. "He's going to make a few calls, find out some more answers for you about what happened with-"

"Thanks," I say, cutting him off. "So, you're leaving now?"

"I have to. I'm a phone call away if you need me, Buffy."

"I know," I sigh and I walk up to him and hug him tight. "Take care of yourself, Angel."

"You too, you hear me?"

"I'll try."

Angel cups my face gently with his hands and stares into my eyes. "Everything is going to work out in the end, you'll see. Just focus on you right now and the bigger issues at hand. I don't want you to let your guard down now, not that the First has stepped up its game. These girls that are coming, they need you to not only protect them, but lead them in the right direction."

I nod and Angel lightly plants a soft, lingering kiss on my lips before he steps back. I smile a little as he picks up his bag and heads for the front door. I follow him, watching as he quickly says goodbye to Giles before he walks out and shuts the door behind him.

"Can we talk?" Giles asks from where he's still sitting in the arm chair. "There are a lot of things I need to discuss with you and there are a lot of things you need to understand about what is happening out there right now."

I nod and join him in the living room, helping myself to a cookie as I settle down on the couch. Giles tells me everything he knows about what the First is doing, how the first has sent the Harbingers to kill every last potential slayer that's out there, essentially wiping out the entire line before they kill me and then Faith. Giles explains that bringing those that are still alive here to Sunnydale to be under my watch is the only way we can save these girls, save the slayer line.

My mood shifts and suddenly I'm very angry. I can feel the slayer inside me stirring, feeling for each and every one of these girls who have already suffered death at the hands of Bringers. We're approaching a war, a bigger war than I could've ever imagined we'd be facing. I don't know if I'm ready, if any of us are and I don't know how much time we have, but I'm determined to give all that I can, to fight to save the world.

Again.

* * *

><p>Almost five weeks have passed since Giles showed up with the three potential slayers. There are now over twenty of them living in my house. It's crowded and I haven't had a hot shower in weeks. None of us have seen or spoken with Faith since she left either, but the more days that pass, the less I feel the pain in my heart knowing she isn't here with me where she belongs.<p>

I have other things to worry about right now and it took a few weeks, but my head is in the game. It has to be. I am the Slayer and these young girls need a leader and someone to not only protect them, but teach them how to protect themselves.

"Have you seen Spike lately?" Xander asks as we stand in the kitchen, waiting for the coffee to brew. It's early and most of the girls are still fast asleep. "Buff?"

"He comes and goes," I reply with a shrug. "He's out there patrolling every night. I ran into him last night fighting a pair of newbie vamps."

"So, he's still playing on the side of the good?" Xander asks and I nod a little. "And you're sure he's patrolling and not, you know, doing other things?"

"Other things? Like what?"

"Who knows. I mean, it's Spike."

"Who has a soul and a chip that's preventing him from feeding on innocent human beings. Are we really going to have this conversation again, Xander?"

"I just felt better with him chained up in the basement, that's all."

"He's not an animal."

"Might as well be," he mutters under his breath.

I shake my head, not in any kind of a mood to get into this with Xander this morning. I pour us each a cup of coffee as soon as it's done brewing and he only stays long enough to finish it before he heads off to work. I pour another cup and head out to the back yard. Kennedy and two other girls are out there, sitting on the grass, talking quietly to each other.

These past few weeks everything has changed. These girls, all of them, even the ones whose names I can't even remember, I've started to care about them, want to protect them as best as I can. Every time I see them all out in the backyard, going through countless exercises that Kennedy puts them through, I can see that they are _not_ ready for whatever it is we'll come to face when it comes to the First.

Things are changing around town too. I notice it when I'm out on patrol at night. The streets are emptier, quieter and there's hardly any vampires around either. Giles tells me it's because the Hellmouth is getting stronger with every day that passes, but he has no idea how or why it is. Between him, Willow, and Tara, they spend a few hours every day researching to no end, trying to find answers even I know they are not going to find in some dusty old book.

"Hey, Buffy?" Kennedy calls out from where she's sitting on the grass, now alone since the others have gone inside. "When are you taking us out on patrol?"

"When you're ready."

"I'm ready."

"You're ready when I say so," I reply tiredly. "You are not ready yet, Kennedy."

"Says you?" Kennedy scoffs as she walks over to me. "Listen, I know I never started training until Giles found me and brought me here with the others, but I've been here training, helping to train the girls and I feel like I-"

"You're not ready."

"Whatever," she rolls her eyes and walks past me into the house, nearly slamming the door shut behind her.

I rub my temples in frustration. I'm tired and cranky and even though my heart hurts less with every day that passes, I miss Faith and I _need_ her here with me. None of us even know where she is and the last time Spike said he'd seen her while he went out on a solo patrol was over a week ago.

I finish up my coffee and head back inside. I grab my keys and slip out the front door without running into anyone on my way out. I just need to escape for a little while and clear my head. I walk into the middle of town, strolling and trying not to think about anything as I do. I walk past the elementary school, watching as the kids run around the playground as the bell goes off, signalling the start of the day.

I keep walking until I reach the Espresso Pump. It's busy as usual in the morning and I grab a latte after waiting in line for half an hour and order a second one before I head over to the Magic Box. Anya is just unlocking the front door for the day, looking a bit frazzled as she struggles with the lock.

"Morning, Anya."

"Buffy, hi," she says and drops her keys. "What are you doing here?"

"I just needed to get out of the house. Here," I say as I hand her the latte I got for her and bend down to pick up the keys. I get the door unlocked and let her go inside first. "Do you need a hand with anything in here?"

"No, not at all."

"Are you sure?" I ask her and she waves me off as she walks behind the counter by the register.

"Faith came by last night after I closed to help me with the new shipment. I don't need any more slayer strength moving done today."

"Faith was here?"

"She comes by almost every day," Anya replies and I almost grab her by the front of her ugly green sweater. "What?"

"And you never told me this?"

"She asked me not to and I like to be the kind of person that someone can trust," Anya replies and she rolls her eyes. "Look, she comes to use the training room usually after I close for the night. Sometimes she comes in the morning. I don't know. She has a spare key."

"You gave her a spare key and I don't even have one?"

"You never asked!"

"Does Xander know?"

"No," she shakes her head and busies herself with the pile of receipts on the counter. "Like I said, Faith asked me not to tell anyone so I haven't told anyone. Not you, not Xander, not Giles or anyone else."

"How is she?"

"Fine, Buffy. She's fine."

"Does she-"

"She asks about you, sure," Anya replies quickly. "I told her all about the potentials that have invaded your house and how you're protecting them from Bringers. She didn't seem to interested in hearing more of those details to be honest."

"Do you know where she's staying?"

"I don't know, Buffy. She didn't tell me and we don't really talk much. You know how Faith is. Never been much of a talker and open to sharing details of her life with just anyone. I let her use the training room because she pays me or she'll help me when new shipments come in. Either way, I get paid and she's happy so I'm happy. Now, if you don't mind, I have work to do. Thank you for the latte, by the way. Less sugar next time, okay?"

Sometimes I honestly don't know how Xander can deal with her on a daily basis. I know he loves her, but god she is so infuriating sometimes.

I just cannot believe Anya would keep the fact that Faith has been coming to the Magic Box almost every day. Sure, it's Anya and she's so wrapped up in her own world most of the time that I know she doesn't really care about anyone else other than herself. But she has to know how much I miss Faith and how much I worry about her and how I need her back with me, doesn't she? How can she not know?

I sit at the table and sigh heavily while Anya gets ready to open the shop for the day. I get the feeling she doesn't want me here, but I'm not leaving. Not yet. I don't want to go back to the house until I absolutely have to. I'm entitled to some much needed time alone, something that has become ancient history in the last month and a bit.

"Yo, Anya, you here?" I hear Faith call out from the back door. My skin prickles at the sound of her voice and she walks in, stopping short as soon as she sees me sitting at the table. "I'll come around some other time," she says quickly, turning to make a quick exit.

I'm on my feet and following her. She's already in the back alley by the time I make it to the door and she's moving quick, not quite running though.

"Faith!" I call out and she slows down her pace but doesn't stop. "Wait, please?"

"What do ya want, B?" Faith asks and I jog to catch up to her. "Just leave me be, yeah?"

"Faith, would you just stop for one second?" I ask her and I see her roll her eyes before she stops walking just before we hit the street.

"What is it?" Faith asks, looking everywhere but at me as she shoves her hands in the front pockets of her jeans.

"Why do you keep avoiding me?"

"Loaded question," she laughs bitterly. "Just need some space, B. Thought you understood that?"

"I do understand, but that doesn't mean you have to completely avoid me at all costs, does it?"

"Kind of does, yeah."

Faith turns to walk away from me and I reach out, grabbing her arm to stop her. "How-how have you been doing? I've been worried about you."

"Don't need to worry about me, B. I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself."

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

Faith sighs and finally looks me in the eye. "I'm doing all right mostly. Getting by and dealing with my own shit and demons I can't fight. How about you? Heard you got a house full of teenaged girls that Giles says are potential slayers."

"It's pretty chaotic there," I reply softly, fighting back all the things I want to say to her right now, knowing that if I start saying those things, it'll only make her want to run even more so. "We're dealing with things one day at a time. It'd be easier if..."

Faith shakes her head as she pulls her sunglasses out of her inner jacket pocket and slips them on. I know she knows what I was about to say. I can see it in the way her lips twitch as she looks away from me again.

"Are you ever coming back?" I ask her, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Don't know. Figured if I stay gone long enough, you wouldn't want me back."

"That's not true."

"Isn't it?" Faith asks and she shifts her sunglasses down her nose and peers over the top as she looks at me. "Look, we had a good go of things for a while there. I don't have any regrets except for the shit I said to you."

"That wasn't you."

"You know what I found out about that spell, B?" Faith asks me and I shake my head no. "Found out that yeah, everything I did and said was me. The spell just made it easier to forget who I'd become and easier to fall back in the person I'd been before. So yeah, the things I said? All me. Now, whether you choose to believe that or not, that's up to you."

"Faith-"

"Look," she sighs heavily and she sounds almost annoyed to be having this conversation with me right now. "The last thing I wanna do is hurt you again, Buffy. Best thing right now is for me just to do my own thing and stay away from you. If you need my help, I'll be there."

"How will you-"

Faith hands me a crumpled piece of paper with a phone number scrawled on it. "Call me if you need me, but only for slayer-related stuff, all right? I ain't ready to be a part of your life in the way you want me to be. Not right now anyway. Don't expect you to wait around for me either. Pretty sure you figured out by now that I'm not worth waiting for."

I can't stop myself from slapping her. She's speaking completely nonsense right now and she's sounding like she's trying to convince herself all these things, not me.

"The last year meant nothing to you then?" I ask her, fighting off my tears as she bends down to pick her sunglasses up off the ground. "I mean nothing to you? What we had together means nothing to you?"

"B, don't start-"

"So what then?" I ask her as she turns and walks towards the street. "You're just going to run and hide, Faith? I thought you weren't a coward anymore? Coward!"

She doesn't answer me as she takes a left and disappears out of sight. I grit my teeth, wiping away the tears that fall angrily as I turn and head back up the alley to the Magic Box's back door. I don't go inside right away and instead I sit down on some of the empty crates that are sitting out back and try to fight the tears.

Maybe I was wrong about her all this time? Maybe she's really not the woman she made herself out to be? No, I know that's bullshit. I _know_ her and the Faith I just talked to isn't who she really is. Why is she even doing this to herself? Sure, she went off the rails while she was under the influence of that spell Roman had cast on her, but that doesn't give her any reason to be acting like this.

"You know," Anya says as she walks out the back door carrying a small garbage bag that she tosses into the dumpster. "You should've gone after her."

"I tried!"

"Not hard enough, Buffy. She's in a hard place right now, fighting with herself. She hasn't said it, but I know she wants to be back with you. Why, I have no idea, but-"

"How can I go after her if she keeps pushing me away?"

"Maybe you aren't trying hard enough, Buffy? You might think you are, but do you ever think that maybe your hard enough is not enough for someone like her?"

"I don't-what do you even mean?"

"Fight for her, Buffy. Prove to her that she's worth it. It's all she needs right now is some validation that to you, she _is_ worth it."

Huh. Anya leaves me out in the back, leaving the back door propped open with a brick. How do I prove Faith anything when she keeps avoiding me like the plague?

I need to come up with a plan and then it hits me. Sure, it might be a lie and she'll probably hate me for it when she figures it out, but it should give me enough time to prove whatever it is I have to prove to her that she is worth fighting for.

For the first time in weeks, I smile. I'm going to get her back and she's going to be where she belongs. With me.


	52. Chapter 52

**Chapter Fifty-Two**

The plan to get Faith to meet up with me in Restfield seemed pretty easy to come up with. After discussing my idea with Willow and Tara, we came up with an idea to tell Faith that there was a nest of vampires I'd been tracking and am planning on attacking just before sunset tonight. Using the number Faith gave me and getting her voice mail, I left her very vague details on what was going on and where to meet me. I just hope she gets the message and doesn't leave me hanging around the entrance of Restfield waiting for her for hours.

Beyond coming up with the plan to get her to show up for "slayer-related business", I have no idea what I'm going to do or say when she actually shows up. _If_ she shows up.

I'm a little early and already starting to feel a little bit nervous. How am I going to pull this off? What if she figures out right off the bat that I told a little white lie to get her to come here and takes off? I didn't know of any other way to get her to see me. I even dressed in some of my nicer "slaying" clothes too, just because I wanted to look better than just decent for her tonight.

I see her heading towards me a few minutes later. I have to fight to keep the smile off my face as she strolls over with her hands in her pocket. She pops a bubble as she slows to a stop, keeping a bit of distance between us. She doesn't look like she even wants to be here right now and I can't blame her, not after how our earlier run-in went.

"A nest of vamps, B?"

"Uh huh."

"Really?" Faith asks as she cocks her head to the side. "Think they can wait?"

"Wait? Why?"

"Got something you oughta see for yourself," she says and she motions for me to follow her.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see. Gotta see it with your own eyes or you won't believe me," she replies quickly.

This is so not how I planned for this to go, but I'll go along with it for now and go see whatever it is she wants me to see. We reach the center of town just as the sun sets and she is a few steps ahead of me as we stroll through the crowded streets. This is the busiest I've seen Sunnydale in a few weeks and I almost say something, but decide to keep my mouth shut and follow her lead.

Faith slows down at the side of a store that's just closed for the night and leans up against the wall, casually lighting a cigarette as I stand near her. With the slightest nod, she motions for me to look out into the crowd. I try to follow her gaze and my eyebrows shoot up in surprise when I see Spike making his way through the crowd.

"How much do ya know about what he does every night, hmm?" Faith whispers as she moves to stand closer to me, so close I can feel her hot breath brushing over my ear as she speaks. "I been tailing him for the past few nights."

"Why?"

"Why don't ya follow him and figure it out for yourself?"

"Faith," I say sternly but she doesn't look at me, already moving away and into the crowd in the direction that Spike walked off in. "Faith, wait!"

"Keep it down, B. Don't you know the first rule in tailing someone is to make sure they don't know you're there? Jesus," she says in a hushed whisper, shaking her head at me as she stops long enough for me to catch up to her. "Just keep your eyes on him. Don't lose him, yeah?"

I do keep my eyes on Spike, nearly losing him in the crowd. I stop when the crowd thins out a little and watch him as he walks over to a pretty girl with dark brown hair. She's with a group of what I'm assuming are her friends and as soon as she sees Spike, her attention is on him. I'm only mildly surprised when she takes Spike's hand and leads him towards the closest alleyway.

I feel Faith nudge me and I take that as her way of telling me to get closer. I get as close as I can without him being able to see me. I roll my eyes as I turn to Faith with my arms crossed over my chest.

"So, Spike found himself a girlfriend and they're making out in an alley. What's the big deal?"

"You really don't see what's right in front of your eyes, do ya, B?" Faith scoffs and turns me around until I am facing Spike and his little girlfriend again. "He's baiting her, B. Just about to take his first taste. This will be the sixth this week. Just watch."

And I do watch and I feel my insides churn as Spike moves behind the girl, smiling as he slips into his game face. The girl is completely oblivious to what is happening and I'm about to go and stop him from doing this when Faith grabs on to my shoulders and keeps me where I am. Spike licks the girl's neck slowly, his fangs just scraping over her skin. My heart is pounding and I resist against Faith's hold, knowing I have to stop this before he goes too far.

She lets go of me and I charge into the alley, yanking the girl out of Spike's grasp. "Run. Go, get out of here!" I yell at her and she looks over at Spike, fear washing over her before she turns and runs out of the alley. "What the hell are you doing?" I ask him, going to make a grab for him and instead my hands go right through him.

"Took you long enough," he grins as he licks over his lips.

"You are not Spike."

"No, I'm not," the First replies, still in Spike's form. "But see, Spike has been a very bad vampire with a soul lately and if you don't stop him, who will? This is the only way you could see what has been happening before your very eyes. Stupid, stupid girl."

I turn and walk out of the alley quickly and look around the crowd for Faith. She's nowhere to be seen. Typical. Angrily I head off in the direction we came, hoping to find her, but she seems to have disappeared all together. I stop when I'm about a block from the Magic Box and I see Spike strolling down the middle of the crowded road hand in hand with a pretty blonde woman at his side. They're laughing and talking and she keeps touching his arm.

My plan has completely backfired! I'm definitely not impressed right now, but after seeing what the First as Spike has shown me, I have this feeling deep down I need to keep on his trail right now, see what he ends up doing with this woman.

I follow Spike for hours, to the Bronze, to Willy's and then the long walk across town to this woman's apartment. I stay on the street, partially hidden by one of the big trees outside of her apartment and I feel almost helpless as I watch him turn what should've been a simple good night kiss into him feeding on her and letting her lifeless body drop to the ground as he licks the blood from his lips. I think for a moment he's about to leave her there, but he picks her up and carries her off into the night, now moving almost too quickly for me too keep up.

I pull out my cell from my pocket and I quickly text Willow telling her the plan I had for Faith failed and that I'm tailing Spike, pretty sure he's lost his soul and his chip stopped working. I keep a low profile, ducking behind cars, bushes, trees whenever Spike looks back my way.

Spike heads towards an abandoned house, disappearing inside and slamming the door hard behind him. I see a light flicker on through one of the basement windows and I make my way over, crouching on the ground and peer inside.

Spike is placing the woman he just fed on inside a hole already dug in the dirt floor. I feel almost paralyzed as I watch him bury the woman, whistling a tune to himself that I can just faintly hear through the glass. He looks at ease, smiling to himself as he leans the shovel against the wall and casually lights a cigarette, admiring the work he's just done. My cell buzzes in my pocket, but I ignore it, the anger bubbling up inside of me and increasingly becoming impossible to keep buried under the surface.

I break through the basement window and barely land on my feet. Spike looks at me with mild surprise in his eyes.

"Well, well, if it isn't the Slayer," he grins, tossing his cigarette to the floor. "What in the bloody hell are you doing here?"

"I'm about to ask you the same question, Spike. What the _hell_ are you doing?"

All I get is a wild grin as he lunges towards me. I duck and roll quickly out of his way and leap to my feet, charging towards him with my fists flying. He clips me as he takes a swing at me and I quickly shake it off. I move towards him again and feel something grabbing at my feet.

I pull the hand that's risen from the dirt and fling the newbie vamp across the basement, turning my attention back to Spike. I punch him hard in the head, hard enough to send him staggering backwards and the newbie vamp grabs a hold of me from behind, growling as I struggle to get the upper hand. Two more newbie vamps rise from the ground and with Spike out for the count for now, a few minutes at least, I try to make quick work in fighting them and staking them.

"B!" Faith yells from outside the broken window. "Need a hand?"

"Would be nice!"

I turn my attention back to the vamps as they circle around me. Moving quickly, I slide across the floor just out of the hands of the male vamp and grab the shovel Spike had used to bury that poor woman he drained. I snap it and use it to stake the three vamps as they advance towards me. Two more rise from the ground just as I stake the third.

"Spike, you've been a bad boy, haven't you?" Faith laughs as she grabs one of the vamps and flings it towards me. "Let's dust these guys, B!"

I'm having a bit of a hard time getting close to the vamp that Faith tossed my way. As soon as I see she has dusted the one she was just fighting, I kick mine towards her and she stakes it with ease, spinning her stake in her hand with a satisfied smirk curling over her lips, her dimples deep and sexy and...god, I'm a lost cause when it comes to her and those dimples of hers, especially right after she's slayed and the way she grins like that.

I wipe the dirt I can feel on my forehead away and watch her as she saunters over to where Spike is laying on the floor, still a little dazed. She grabs the front of his jacket and pulls him to his feet, her stake at the ready as she growls at him.

"Faith, don't!" I yell as I realize what she's about to do and I pull her away from Spike hard and grab the stake out of her hand. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Putting a bad dog down like it deserves, what else do you think I'm fucking doing, B?"

"He's-"

"All those vamps you and I just fought? Who the hell do you think sired them? Spike did. Now, I don't know about you, but what I see right now when I look at him is just another vampire that needs to be dust."

"Slayer," Spike coughs as he staggers towards me. "What just happened?"

"Spike, are you all right?"

"Where are we?" He looks around the basement, completely confused. "Buffy?"

"Let's get you home," I say as I pull his arm around me, supporting most of his weight as he struggles to stay on his feet. "Faith?"

"What, B?"

"Why didn't you come and tell me he was doing this?"

She shrugs and grabs her stake from my hand, swiftly tucking it in the back pocket of her tight black jeans. "Like I said, you wouldn't have believed me if ya didn't see if with your own two eyes and if ya hadn't called me with a pathetic excuse about a nest of vamps tonight, I would've taken care of this problem myself."

"You wouldn't have."

"Fuck you, Buffy," she snaps. "Spike is a goddamn vampire. I don't care if he has a soul or a frigging chip in his head. He's still a vampire."

"And you were what, just going to stake him?"

"Sure. It's what I do. I'm a vampire slayer!" She yells at me, her eyes all hard as she glares at me. "I thought you were too. Guess I was wrong."

"Buffy..." Spike groans and I let him fall to the ground as I march right up to Faith, getting right in her face.

"You aren't wrong. I _am_ a Slayer. Spike is-"

"A vampire," she drawls slowly, a cocky grin sliding into place over her lips. "Souled or not, B. Do you not just see what happened here? Did you not see what he's done? He's gone too far. If you aren't gonna do it, then let me. Vampire," she says as she points to him and then to herself. "Slayer."

I swing at her and she easily ducks my punch, laughing as she circles around me. I turn my attention for a split second towards Spike as he grabs his head, growling and moaning in agony. It gives Faith the opportunity to take a swing at me and her fist connects to my jaw. Hard.

"You wanna do this, B?"

"No."

"But this is what we're so good at when it's not fucking each other senseless, wouldn't you say?"

"Faith, stop it."

"Come on, B. Don't kid yourself. I'm not. Not anymore."

"Stop," I say under my breath as she moves quickly, throwing a series of kicks and punches I predict and easily block. "Stop it, Faith! Why are you being like this!"

"Being like what, B? A bitch?"

Ugh. I take a swing at her she promptly stops and she pulls me into her, crushing her lips hard against mine, her grip on my hand bordering painful. I kiss her back just as hard, my free hand tangling in her hair as she quickly backs me up against the nearest wall.

Faith groans as she lets go of my hand, both her hands gripping tightly on to my hips as she presses her body hard against mine. I hook a leg around hers, keeping her right where she is as I try to soften the bruising kiss. But Faith isn't having none of that and she bites down hard on my lower lip as she roughly cups my pussy over my tight jeans.

"Faith!" I cry out and her lips crush against mine again, hungrily kissing me for all she's worth.

I keep a hold of her head, kissing her hard and deep, trying to savour this moment even as fucked up as it is right now with Spike wailing in pain just a few feet away. I'm just trying to keep her right here, right now, here with me in this moment, even though she's probably kissing me right now for all the wrong reasons. If they are wrong, then why does it feel so right?

"Fuck," she moans against my lips as she rubs me hard through my jeans. "Fuck you, Buffy."

And just like that she pushes herself away from me. Angry, hot tears burn my eyes as I watch her run towards the window. She pulls herself up and out, disappearing into the night. I lean my head against the wall, trying to push down everything she's just made me feel.

Kissing her, being so close to her again has brought back a flood of feelings I haven't felt in close to two months. I'm breathing heavily and I can taste the tang of blood from my split lip that happened when she bit it. I lick over it slowly, letting just a few tears fall before I push myself away from the wall and walk over to where Spike is sitting on the floor, still clutching his head and nearly pulling his hair out as he mumbles to himself.

I help him to his feet and we leave the house slowly. Spike is almost in tears by the time we reach the street and he pulls away from me, collapsing to the ground in a huddled mess, rocking back and forth as he grips on to his head tightly. We're all the way on the other side of town and I know there's no way I'm getting him back to the house when he's being like this.

"Spike, what's wrong?"

"It hurts. It bloody well hurts!"

"What does?"

"What else? The bloody chip they stuck in my head!"

I don't know what to do right now, but I know of someone I can try to call. I think for a minute, trying to remember the number that Riley had given to me in case of an emergency and I dial it quickly. On the other end is a florist shop and I quickly explain in very few words that Spike is in trouble and that his chip is malfunctioning or something. The guy on the other end tells me I have the wrong number and promptly hangs up on me.

"Well that's just great!" I say as I kneel down next to Spike. "Come on, we need to get home."

"No," he gasps as he shakes his head. "No. Take me there."

"Where?"

"You know where, Buffy," he says tiredly. "They might've filled that place with cement, but it's not all gone."

What he's saying sparks an idea in my mind. Maybe whatever is left of the Initiative has some kind of information of the chip they put in his head and if I get that information, we can put a stop to this? I pull Spike to his feet, ignoring that voice in the back of my mind that tells me not to do this, to let him suffer after what he did to those six poor, innocent people he'd turned.

There's so much more to all of this and I'm going to figure out just what it is. But I know first we have to get Spike sorted out before we can even begin to scratch the surface of what the hell is going on here.

* * *

><p>Almost a day later, I walk back home by myself. After we found an entrance to the Initiative and got inside of what was left of the vast facility underground Sunnydale University, we were ambushed by several dozen former members of the Initiative. They gave me-not Spike but me-the choice of whether to remove or repair the chip in his head. I don't know if I made a mistake in telling them to remove it or not, but after that fight with Faith and seeing the pain Spike was going through, I made the decision on the spot with not an entirely clear mind.<p>

I left Spike in his old crypt to recover, promising him I'd be back before tomorrow night to check on him. I wandered around town for a few hours too, looking for Faith, but had no luck in finding her. Even Anya told me repeatedly when I confronted her at the Magic Box that Faith hadn't been there since I scared her off the other day. I gave up almost half an hour ago and headed back home, my heart feeling heavy and my mind in chaos.

"Buffy!" Willow says as soon as I walk through the front door. "Where have you been? We've been so worried about you and you haven't been answering your phone!"

I pull out my cell, somehow crushed and destroyed during the fight between Faith and I in the basement of that abandoned house.

"Sorry, Will."

"What happened? Were you with Faith since..." Willow asks, trailing off as I shake my head no and head upstairs.

"It's a long story. I kind of need some sleep right now," I say and Willow shakes her head, pulling me into my strangely empty bedroom and shuts the door behind me.

"What happened, Buffy?"

"Do you want the long or short version?"

"What happened?" Willow asks again and she sits us down on my bed. "Did things go as planned with Faith?"

"Far from it actually."

"Oh?"

I take a deep breath, and as tired as I am, I tell Willow everything that had happened since I left the house last night. She's unusually quiet the whole time, right up until the point where I tell her I had Spike's chip removed by the former members of the Initiative.

"Are you crazy?"

"Probably."

"Buffy!" Willow says, sighing incredulously as she begins pacing the bedroom floor. "Do you know how dangerous this is? Spike's chip was stopping him from-"

"No," I cut her off. "Did you not just hear what I told you, Willow? Spike's chip was working, malfunctioning, but working when he killed those people and sired them. What I want to know is _why_ he did this and how he was able to. It almost seemed like he was under some kind of a spell when I watched him bury that woman. After we fought, he seemed to snap out of it, whatever _it_ was. He didn't even remember doing any of the things he did. He didn't even remember that woman I watched him drain and drag back to that house!"

"You don't think he lied to you, do you?"

"I don't even know anymore, Will!"

"Okay," she says calmly. "Let's try and figure this out. How long has this been going on?"

"I don't know. Faith just said to me when she took me into town to follow Spike that the woman he was about to feed on there was the sixth. But it wasn't Spike we were following, it was the First."

Willow nods, muttering to herself as she continues to pace my bedroom floor. She stops every couple of minutes, looking over at me like she's about to say something, but then she's right back to pacing, thinking and muttering to herself. I know her all to well and I know this is one way she's trying to make sense of everything that I have just told her, trying to find whatever piece that is missing to this puzzle that I obviously cannot see myself.

"So," Willow says after what feels like forever. "The whole plan you had completely backfired and ended up with you meeting up with the Initiative to have Spike's chip removed?"

"Will..."

"I'm sorry! I'm trying to wrap my head around that part."

"It all kind of just happened so fast," I mutter. "I didn't know what else to do!"

"Staking him would've been an option!"

"No! We need him. Whether you agree or not, I know that we need Spike. Whatever the First has planned, we need him. He's strong, much stronger than all the girls here. I can't do this alone and I can't do this with Faith not here with me, fighting at my side like she's supposed to be. Spike is willing and he's here and he's not going anywhere. We need him, Willow. You've got to know that much."

"And what are we going to do about Faith?"

"I don't even know. I thought this plan would've worked last night. I totally didn't expect her to drag me off and to be caught up in Spike's problems."

"And that number she gave you?" Willow asks and I hand her the paper. She grabs the cordless phone off my bedside table and dials the number hanging up a few seconds later. "Disconnected."

"Figures."

"So, you know what that means?" Willow says as she sits on the bed in front of me. "We need to come up with a new plan. Operation 'Bring Faith Home' plan B."

And Willow dives into her idea of a plan to get Faith back home, back on our side where she belongs. I just have to hold out some kind of hope that whatever plan Willow does come up with that it doesn't completely backfire this time...


	53. Chapter 53

****Author's Notes:** Got about ten more chapters of this one guys! Hope you all are still enjoying it :)**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Fifty-Three<strong>

Thanks to Willow doing her nifty little locator spell she promised Tara she wouldn't do-something about using their power to interfere with mine and Faith's relationship was part of it-I now know that Faith has been staying in a motel on the other side of town. Thankfully it's not the Motor Inn, but as I sit in Xander's car with Willow and look at the place, it's not that much better than the Motor Inn from the looks of things.

Willow sips on her mocha we stopped on the way for and turns to look at me, frowning. I don't know what she's thinking right now, but I'm pretty sure she is thinking that she should've come up with a better idea than for us to sit and wait to see which room Faith comes out of.

Her plan? Not so much a plan yet. I have nothing either.

"How long have we been sitting here for?" I ask her and she checks her watch.

"Two hours and ten minutes, eleven seconds. My mocha is cold now."

"And you're sure she's in there?"

"It showed her there on the map before we left so unless she bolted before we got here-which is a huge possibility-she's in there."

It's dark and if I know Faith as well as I like to think I do, she probably did leave before we got here and is out there somewhere on patrol. I sigh as I shift in my seat and try to get comfortable. For the most part the motel looks fairly empty. The rooms are dark except for the one on the far end that has a few Harley's parked out in the spot in front of the door. A light flickers on a few rooms down from that one and I sit up a little, watching as I see a figure moving behind the closed drapes.

"What are we even doing here?" I ask her and she shrugs. "I mean, we need some kind of a plan and sitting here, stalking her like this isn't a plan."

"But at least we'll know where she's been staying. That's something, right? Better than not knowing at all."

"This is true," I nod in agreement and turn my attention back to the room the lights just turned on in.

I keep thinking about how she kissed me in that basement, how rough it was, how great it felt to finally have her lips on mine again. My lips tingle just a little thinking about it and I sigh softly, slouching down in the front seat and pick at the small tear in my jeans just above my right knee.

It's not long after the lights in the room have turned on that they're off again and the door opens. My heart is hammering in my chest as I watch Faith stroll out, closing and locking the door behind her before swiftly lighting a cigarette. She's just standing there and even though we're parked across the road, I know she can't see us from where she is. I want to get out and walk over to her, but I know that's not a good idea right now.

A few minutes pass before a beat-up truck pulls into the motel parking lot and stops in front of Faith's room. I can see her smile as she walks over to the passenger side and hops in. The old truck speeds out of the parking lot, headed towards the outskirts of town and I turn to Willow as she starts the car.

"Follow them?" She asks as she puts the car in drive.

"Follow them," I reply and she tries to catch up to the old truck and when it's in sight, she keeps back a little ways so we don't tip Faith and whoever it is behind the wheel off that we're following them.

The truck comes to a stop in front of an old cemetery, one I've never patrolled since there's never been any activity here in the entire time I've lived in Sunnydale. Faith gets out of the truck first and reaches into the back and pulls out an axe. The driver gets out and Willow and I just look at each other in surprise.

Neither of us recognize the guy. He looks a bit older than us, muscular and from what I can see, his arms are covered in tattoos. He's pretty buff too and when the moonlight hits him in the right light, I can see how ruggedly handsome he is. He and Faith grab a few weapons out of the back of the truck and they head into the cemetery without a word. I shake my head, already feeling that jealous feeling sinking in, setting up house deep inside my heart.

"Who is that guy?" Willow asks and I shrug.

"I've never seen him before."

"Me neither. You don't think-"

"Demon or vampire? No, didn't get any vibes. Just vibes of the jealous kind."

"Oh. Oh!" Willow looks surprised and a deep frown settles into place. "I'm sure it's nothing, Buffy. Maybe he's just some kind of demon hunter guy and Faith is helping him out?"

"I don't know, but I'm going to find out."

"Buffy-"

"Are you coming or are you staying, Will?"

"I'm staying," she says with a little wave of her hand as I get out of the car.

I head towards the rusty iron gates that lead into the old cemetery. I slip through the opening and nearly trip over a fallen tree across the overgrown gravel path. Taking a few deep breaths to steady myself, I start down the path, just barely able to see Faith and her companion up ahead. They're moving quickly, almost running as they both effortlessly jump over fallen trees and broken tombstones. I pick up the pace but make sure to stay far back enough that Faith doesn't know I'm following her.

Maybe this is a bad idea? Maybe it's better if I just turn around and leave? Obviously she's doing her own thing here and working with some random guy who looks more her type than I do. I try not to let the jealousy take over, but how can I not jump to all sorts of conclusions here?

And why are they in a cemetery that, from the looks of things, nobody has set foot in in forever?

"Yo, Josh!" I hear Faith call out and I move to hide myself from view once I get a little bit closer. They're standing in front of a very old stone church, right in the middle of the cemetery. "Ya wanna come give me a hand?"

"Thought you slayer types didn't need a hand with the heavy stuff?" The man replies and he laughs as he follows her to the front door and together they lift the wood beam that's blocking the door from being opened.

"Your cousin better not be fucking around," Faith says as they toss the beam to the side.

"Andrew doesn't fuck around."

"Whatever. Let's just get in there and get that book he's been on your ass about getting. Remind me again why the hell I let you talk me into doing this?"

"Because we're paying you?"

"Right. Let's motor then, baby," Faith laughs before the two of them disappear inside the old church that looks like it's barely going to stand much longer.

Now I'm really curious as to what is going on here. From what I just picked up, this guy is paying Faith, likely for protection while he gets some kind of book. I move to one of the side window's of the church and peer inside. It's dark and they have flashlights, but I can barely see much of anything.

I move quickly out of sight, the only hiding spot behind some bushes at the side of the church. Faith and the guy she's with come walking out of the church, the guy carrying a very thick and heavy looking book in his arms.

"Don't know why ya needed me when-"

Faith is suddenly charged at by a very large, hideous looking demon that comes running out of the church after her. She elbows the demon in the gut and spins around to face it, a fierce looking smile dancing over her lips as she twirls the axe around she has in her hands.

"Make a run for it, Josh. Got this handled!"

"You sure?"

"See you in five minutes," she says as she blows him a quick kiss. "Come on, let's dance, ugly ass," she says to the demon as he growls and swipes a huge hand with claws at her.

I see the guy-Josh-make a run back in the direction of the cemetery entrance and I turn my attention back to Faith as she takes a hard swing at the demon with her axe. She struggles to keep the upper hand, ducking his punches and kicks almost effortlessly. I want nothing more than to jump into the fight with her and take this demon down.

Faith cries out in pain as the demon swipes her shoulder, ripping her jacket as she rolls and ducks out of the way. She's on her feet in a matter of seconds and I can see the rage in her eyes, even from where I'm hiding out of sight. She grips her shoulder and winces and I can't stay here hiding any longer. I stroll out from behind the bushes and spot an old shovel lying on the ground.

"B? What are you-"

"Talk later," I say quickly as the demon advances towards us. "Kick his ass first."

She grins a little, but I can tell she's not happy that I'm here right now. I don't have time to worry about what she thinks. I flank her left and we move towards the demon together. I kick it in it's stomach and it barely flinches as Faith takes a weak swing at its head with the axe.

I don't know how she thought she could fight this monster of a demon on her own, but I'm pretty sure she was putting up a front for that guy Josh for whatever reason. I try to distract the demon away from her since it's pretty obvious she's in too much pain to fight right now with her shoulder being nearly ripped to shreds.

"Hey!" I yell at the demon who is clearly not paying any attention to me.

The demon growls, suddenly turning to me, its red eyes almost glowing as it charges towards me. I take a swing at it with the shovel, gasping as it grabs it and easily wretches it from my hands.

"B!" Faith yells out and I just barely catch the axe as she tosses it to me.

I take a swing at the demon, just barely making a scratch on it's leathery chest. Faith gets behind him and leaps on his back. With a loud growl, the demon grabs her and throws her to the ground. Now I'm pissed off. I take another swing, this time I don't miss when I aim for it's head, the blade of the axe sinking deep in its thick skull.

"Can't kill it like that, B!" Faith calls out hoarsely from where she's still crumpled on the ground. "Gotta decapitate it!"

"Shit," I groan and I grab the axe, yanking it out of the demon's skull. I take another swing, but he's pissed off now. Really, really pissed.

I can't seem to move fast enough as the demon grabs me, its thick meaty hands wrapping around my neck as it lifts me off my feet. I grip at its arms, struggling to break free, gasping as the demon tries to choke the life out of me. I don't panic even though I'm on my own here. I swing my legs up around the demons neck and twist myself free from its iron-clad grip.

Suddenly, there's a harsh blue light that hits the demon, literally paralyzing it. I look over and see Willow standing about twenty feet away and crackles of the same blue light escape from her fingertips. I pick up the axe and take a hard swing at the demon's neck. It's hard and it takes some strength, but I get the axe clean through, decapitating its head. I drop the axe as the demon's head falls to the ground, its body falling a second later.

"Nice move, Red!" Faith chuckles bitterly as she struggles to get up from the ground.

"I kind of had a feeling you two were in trouble."

"Faith?" I say as I kneel on the ground next to her. She's bleeding pretty badly from the wound on her shoulder and she looks like she's in a lot of pain from being thrown to the ground hard. "Are you okay?"

"Does it look like I'm fucking okay, Buffy?"

"Come on," I say and try to help her to her feet and she shrugs me off. "Faith, let me help. You're hurt."

"I'll manage."

I shake my head and help her to her feet despite her trying to push me away. She's weak and hurt and there's no way I'm going to just leave her here to fend for herself.

"What were you doing out here?" I ask her, trying to stay as calm as I can right now.

"None of your business," she spits weakly. "Got hired to do a job. You followed me and stole my thunder."

"I didn't-"

"Doesn't matter now," Faith laughs bitterly. "Demon is dead and we're alive."

"Barely."

Faith shakes her head as I help her walk through the run-down cemetery with Willow following close behind us. The guy she came with is long gone and she doesn't seem to surprised to see it either. She pushes at me and I let her go and she sits down on the ground, breathing heavily as she places a hand over her injured shoulder.

"Damn," she mutters as she pulls the ripped fabric of her jacket and shirt away from her wound.

"Let me," I say softly as I kneel beside her. "It's deep," I say from what I can see of the three deep scratches. "You need to go to the hospital. You need stitches, Faith."

"Fuck that. I ain't going to no hospital."

"Then come back to the house and let me-"

"Not gonna happen, B."

"Why are you being so difficult?" I ask her, my voice raising as she just stares blankly at me.

"Why you following me?"

"Buffy?" Willow says as she stands near us. "Why don't we just give Faith a ride back to her motel room and let her...do whatever it is she needs to do?"

"That sounds like a plan, Red."

"Faith, you're hurt bad right now. Really bad. This isn't just some scratch you can shrug off and have it heal overnight. That demon did some serious damage. I'm starting to think you hit your head hard enough too to cause some brain damage. Let me help you."

"Whatever," she groans as she struggles to get to her feet.

Willow opens the back door to the car and I help Faith inside. I slide in the backseat with her, ignoring the grumbling she lets out as I shut the door behind me. It's a long drive back to the motel and Faith isn't talking to me or looking at me. Even when I try to touch her-innocently-she jerks away.

By the time we get to her motel, she's starting to feel a little bit better and gets out of the car before Willow can even put it in park. I scramble out of the back seat and follow her to her door. She turns to me, sighing heavily as she shakes her head.

"Go home, Buffy. I can deal with this," she says as she motions to her shredded shoulder. "Got a first aid kit in the room and some alcohol to numb the pain. Just go home."

"Faith, just let me help you stitch it up?" I ask her softly, trying not to plead with her. She digs into her pocket and pulls out a key. "I know things aren't exactly okay between us right now and that you don't want me here, but just let me help you out okay?"

"If that'll give ya a peace of mind or whatever and you leave me alone after you're done stitching me up, then by all means," she mutters as she opens the door and steps inside.

The room is pretty bare and other than a double bed and a worn looking dresser, there's no other furniture. She flips on a few of the lamps as she hobbles towards the small bathroom. I turn to look at Willow as she sits in the car and motion for her to go home. It's a long walk for me, sure, but I'm not leaving until Faith and I have talked whether she likes it or not.

"Just gonna have a shower," Faith says as she closes the bathroom door but not before tossing the first aid kit onto the bed. "Make yourself at home. There's a vending machine in the office if you're thirsty. Grab me a Coke while you're at it, yeah?"

I stand in the doorway, sighing as I hear the water in the shower turn on. I watch as Willow pulls out of the parking lot and take a deep breath, checking to see if I have any change in my pockets before I head down to the small office and find the vending machine along the wall by the door.

* * *

><p>"Hold still," I say as I sit on the bed next to Faith with the needle and thread in my hand. "I can't do this if you keep moving, Faith."<p>

"Well, it fucking hurts!"

"I only have one stitched up, now suck it up. There's two more to do."

She's been in a mood since she got out of the shower. Agitated and in a lot of pain, more than she's letting on. I could see it as soon as she walked out of the shower with only a towel wrapped around her body. The way she moved, even the way she breathed told me just how much pain she's feeling after that fight with the demon. I don't even want to think that if I hadn't followed her and stepped in that the demon might've killed her.

Faith takes a chug from the bottle of Jack Daniel's she has in her hand and groans as I start to stitch up the second deep gash on her shoulder, trying to do it quickly yet as gently as I can. Seven stitches later and Faith has the bottle nearly half empty now. I dip the washcloth in the bowl, gently dabbing at the blood that trickles from the last gash I have yet to stitch up.

"Wait," she sighs and screws the cap back on the bottle. "Give me a little break here, B. Feeling kind of woozy."

"Might be the alcohol."

"Whatever," she sighs and looks at her shoulder. "Nice stitching job."

"I've had a lot of practice on myself," I reply under my breath and take the bowl of warm, bloody water into the bathroom to rinse it out and fill it with clean water. I set the bowl on the side of the sink and wash her blood from my hands.

I head back into the room and she's sitting there staring blankly at the bottle in her hands. I take a deep breath as I sit back down beside her and rethread the needle with more of the sterilized string.

"What were you doing out there anyway, Faith?"

"Got paid to be a bodyguard. Told ya this already."

"Who was that guy anyway?"

"Buddy of mine."

She's being infuriating right now and I have to bite my tongue not to say anything right now that'll push her over the cliff she's dangling off of right now.

"Look," she sighs as she looks at me, really looks at me for the first time tonight. "I'm trying to do the right thing out here, you know? Overheard Josh and his cousin talking at Willy's the other night, talking about some book of prophecies and spells and what not. This kid, Andrew, he's into the magicks and knows a ton about demon languages and the like. In a nutshell," she says, pausing to take a deep breath and reaches for her Coke on the nightstand and takes a swig. "He's been hearing things about the First and thought this book would keep him safe. They offered me cash when I told them I could help, that I was a slayer and if anything was there protecting this book, I'd be able to kill it."

"And these guys? Are they on the side of good or are they evil?"

"They're good guys far as I can tell, B. But you know, when Andrew told me about what was in this book, thought I'd be able to get my hands on it and get it over to you guys, figured you guys would have better use for it than Andrew would. Turns out that not everything goes according to plan when I'm the one behind the wheel, so to speak."

"Why didn't you come to me about this before you went to that cemetery alone?"

"Well, I told ya before. I'm a big girl, B. I can handle myself. Besides," she says, licking over her lips a little as she idly scratches at her arm just below her wounded shoulder. "I needed some cash. The price they offered for my services was right, so I took the job. Sure beats robbing vamps before I dust 'em."

"You've been robbing vamps before you dust them?" I ask her, fighting the urge not to laugh since it's really not that funny. She shrugs and winces a little. "Why, Faith?"

"Need the cash. Why else?"

I want to tell her just to come home so she doesn't have to do any of this and make stupid decisions that almost get her maimed to death just because she needs money to keep living the way she's been since she left over a month ago.

But I can't. Everything is different between us now.

"Let me finish up here," I say and she braces herself as I stitch up the last gash.

"Should've just knocked me out and took me to the hospital, B."

"Maybe I should've," I reply, chuckling a little. She groans and holds her breath as I slide the needle into her skin and tie off the last stitch. "All done."

Faith lets out a shaky breath as I use the wet washcloth to wipe the blood away from around her stitched up wounds. Knowing from experience, she'll be fully healed in two or three days with minimal scarring, if any at all. Giles taught me how to stitch in a way that wouldn't leave a scar and so far of all the times I've had to stitch myself up, I haven't had any problems on the scarring end.

I bandage her shoulder with gauze despite her grunts of protest. I clean up and put the first aid kit in the bathroom under the sink since that's where I'm sure I saw her grab it from. I turn out the light and Faith is laying on the bed, her eyes closed and her breathing soft and slow. She's still wrapped in the towel from when she had a shower earlier.

This was not how the second plan to bring Faith back home was supposed to go. Sure, I didn't exactly have a plan when Willow and I started to stake-out her motel, waiting for her to appear from one of the rooms. Tonight could've been so much different if she wasn't so stubborn!

At least she let me stitch her up even after trying to convince me not to and then whining and moaning like a baby while I did. I sit back down on the bed after I turn out all the lights but the lamp that's on the shoddy nightstand near her.

"You can go now," she murmurs as she turns to lay on her good side. "Be five by five by the morning. Just need some sleep."

"Can I stay?"

"Even if I say no, you're still gonna, aren't you?" She asks as she opens her eyes to look over at me. I shrug with a slight smile and she chuckles softly. "Figured. Always knew you were just as stubborn as me."

"I just want to make sure you're okay."

"Plus there's the fact ya got a whole mess of teenage girls in your house, right?"

"That's also a factor."

I stand up and strip out of my clothes, leaving on my bra and panties and I slip under the covers, helping her pull them over her tired and sore body. My breath hitches in my chest as she pulls the towel she had wrapped around her and tosses it to the floor. The double bed doesn't allow us to put too much space between us and she's already on the edge with her back to me. I reach over her and flip off the light, lingering for a moment and just relishing the feel of being so close to her right now.

God, I miss her so much.

I move to lay on the other side of the bed and I stare up at the ceiling in the darkness of the room. I can hear her breathing and she moves to lay on her back, wincing in pain a little bit as she does. She lets out a frustrated sigh and tries to get comfortable. This goes on for a good ten minutes before I turn to look at her.

"Do you have anything to take for pain?"

"Besides Jack? No."

"Oh."

"If I'm bugging ya, could always just leave and get your beauty sleep in your own bed."

I move to lay on my side so I can look at her better. Even in the darkness of the room I can see her perfectly and it's killing me that I can't just kiss her and touch her the way I need to right now. I move a little closer to her, expecting her to move away, but she doesn't and she keeps her eyes locked with mine.

"I miss you," I whisper, reaching out to touch her face.

"Yeah?"

"I do," I murmur and she leans into my palm as I cup her cheek. "So much."

"Buffy, I can't do this," she sighs loudly. "I'm not-my head ain't in the right place, you know?" She takes my hand away from her and lets go. "You don't deserve someone like me. Not with the way I am right now. You get that, right? Don't want you waiting around for me either. Ya deserve so much more than that. Ya deserve to have someone that loves you and won't fuck up the way I did."

"It was just a spell-"

"You don't get it," she says, the anger in her voice getting clearer with every word that passes her lips. "It wasn't just a spell to me. You don't know what it did to me, how it made me feel-how it still makes me feel. I can't just bounce back from that like it never fucking happened. So no, Buffy, it was not just a spell like you keep thinking it was."

I don't even bother to say goodnight. I turn my back to her and try not to let the tears fall. I don't know how I can prove anything to her or how I can prove to her that she is worth it to me. Even as I fall asleep, I get this sinking feeling that injured or not, she won't be here when I wake up in the morning.

I should've asked her more about that guy Andrew and his cousin and what else she knew about the book they retrieved from that old church inside the cemetery. I turn to her, fighting sleep, ready to ask her about it, but she's completely passed right now, snoring softly as she lays on her back. I groan and turn back on my side, trying to clear my head. The slayer inside of me wants more answers as to what that book is all about and why some nobody named Andrew would want it.

And the woman inside of me just wants the one I love so deeply to be back in my life. My heart feels like it's breaking all over again.

I can't help but wonder if this was the real reason for that spell, if the fall-out between Faith and I is exactly what Roman and the First wanted to have happen, to distract both of us from the bigger picture just long enough to get a few more steps ahead of us.

Things just can't get any worse, can they?


	54. Chapter 54

**Chapter Fifty-Four**

It's been a week since I last saw Faith. A week. This should be normal by now, but after spending the night in her motel room bed, even knowing she'd be gone in the morning, it was the best sleep that I've had in a long time. The long walk home gave me some time to think about what to do next and as soon as I got home, I told Giles what Faith had told me about Andrew and his cousin hiring Faith as some kind of a bodyguard while Josh grabbed the book and ran.

After some researching-hacking private records all thanks to Willow, we found out who Andrew and his cousin are. Andrew is Tucker's younger brother. As soon as I found out that little tidbit of information, I found it pretty hard to believe what Faith had said about those two not playing on the side of evil. After we found two addresses they were believed to be living at, I took a few of the potentials with me only to find out that both houses were rentals and that Andrew Wells and his cousin Josh hadn't lived in either house in months.

I haven't had much luck in finding Faith either. After that night and waking up alone with all her clothes gone, there was no sign of her anywhere around town. Even Anya told me she hadn't been to the Magic Box since I chased her off that day. It hasn't stopped me from looking for her while out on patrol, hitting all the cemeteries quickly in hopes of running into her.

"Morning, Buffster! I brought copious amounts of caffeine and sugary treats!" Xander says as he comes in the back door into the kitchen. "A little bird with red hair told me you ran out of coffee last night."

"Thanks," I smile at him as I take one of the coffee's he brought out of the tray. "Are you going to work today?"

"Sure am. Dawn need a lift to school?"

"If you don't mind? She's already running late. She's been staying up too late with the girls."

"Having sexy slumber party fun?" Xander asks and laughs until I shoot him a warning glare.

"You mention anything like that again and believe me when I tell you that I will tell Anya you are having fantasies about young potential slayers frolicking about in skimpy nighties and having pillow fights and making out with each other."

"Hey, easy!" Xander says as he holds his hands up. "I'm just a man. I'm allowed a little harmless fantasizing once in a while."

"Not when my little sister is involved because hand up if I say ew?"

"What are we talking about that's ew?" Dawn asks as she strolls into the kitchen.

"Nothing, Dawn. Grab some breakfast. You're already late for school. Xander is going to drive you," I say to her and she rolls her eyes. "And stop staying up all night with the girls! You have responsibilities and that right now is going to school every day and on time."

That earns me yet another eye roll from Dawn, but I don't push the issue. When she and Xander leave, I take my coffee with me out on to the front porch, avoiding the chaos that happens in the morning when the girls start to wake up.

I'm getting frustrated with everything that's been going on and I'm not talking about what's been going on with Faith either. Roman hasn't showed his face and we still can't seem to find him anywhere. Selwyn has been in touch with Willow and Giles nearly every day, either with news that there's been a lead or to say they haven't heard anything on that particular day. How is it that Roman has managed to ruin our lives again and again and hasn't shown his face around here in months?!

Aside from Spike going bat-shit crazy while he was in the school basement, telling me that it was the First who appeared to him many times in many forms, and aside from that night Faith had me follow Spike who turned out to be the First, nobody else has had an encounter with it. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and I know it'll happen sooner or later.

The same beat up pick-up truck that picked Faith up at her motel that night comes to a stop in front of the house. I set my coffee down on the ledge and stand there, watching as the guy with tattoos hops out of the truck and grabs a duffel bag out of the back. He has sunglasses on and he's smiling just a little as he walks up the front path and stops before he reaches the steps.

"You're Buffy?"

"I am," I reply and he nods and tosses the duffel bag on the porch. "What's this?"

"Figured you people would have better use for it than my lame-brain cousin," he replies and shrugs a little. "It's a book. Ancient. Andrew got himself into a bit of trouble last night."

"Trouble?"

"A lot of trouble. Doubt he realizes what he's got himself mixed up in. I can't track Faith down, but she mentioned you a few times. Figured I'd stop by."

"Josh, right?" I ask him and he nods, casually slipping his sunglasses off. "What kind of trouble is Andrew in?"

"He killed his best friend."

"Don't you think you should go to the police about-"

"He killed him on the Hellmouth Seal. Tried to open it," Josh says quickly and my eyes go wide at that. "I can't locate him either. Things are getting bad around here. Makes me wish I stayed in LA instead of coming here to help that loser."

"He tried to open the seal?"

"Don't know if it worked. He was a mess when he stopped by my place last night, rambling on and on about how some ghost forced him to do it. Just thought since your a Slayer, you oughta know what's happened."

"What else do you know?" I ask him and he now looks a bit uncomfortable. "You can't just show up and drop all that on me like that."

"That book?" Josh says as he points to the bag near my feet. "Pretty sure it'll have some answers for you. I'm skipping out of town for a little while. If Faith comes around, let her know?"

I nod. Josh slips his sunglasses back on and turns and heads back to his truck. I wait until he drives off before I pick the bag up and head inside. Giles and Willow are sitting in the dining room which has been turned into research central lately. Books piled just about everywhere, none of them helping us out in any way or form as of late. I pull the big heavy ancient book out of the bag and put it on the table in front of Giles.

"What is this?"

"A book," I say, rolling my eyes as I take a seat next to Willow. "This is the book that Faith went to get with Josh last week."

"Good lord, this text is well over a thousand years old," Giles says in fascination as he carefully flips through the delicate pages of the book. "If not even older. There are some scriptures in here that premeditates language itself, even Sumerian."

"We might have a problem," I say to him and he looks over at me, his glasses perched on the tip of his nose. "Josh told me that Andrew got himself in a lot of trouble. Giles, how bad is it if someone tries to open the Hellmouth Seal by killing another person?"

Giles is silent and his face goes white. Not good. He takes a few deep breaths as he runs his hands over the open book in front of him. I turn to look at Willow and she's staring hard at Giles, waiting for an answer.

"Did he say if anything has come out of the Seal?" Giles asks after a few very long minutes.

"He didn't say."

"We need to find out if Andrew succeeded in opening the Seal and if anything has come out of it. This is very dangerous and with the Seal activated, this could be disastrous for the entire town."

"I'll go," I say as I stand up and Giles clears his throat in disapproval. "What? We need to find out, don't we? We'll deal with this and everything will be fine. Well, not fine but-"

"Buffy?" Giles says calmly and I sigh. "I don't want you going down there alone."

"Will?" I look over at her and she shrugs. "Come with me?"

"I-I don't know if that's a good idea."

"Fine," I say and step away from the table. "I'll bring one of the girls with me."

"Buffy," Giles says in a stern tone. "You aren't taking one of the girls with you. They are not nearly well-trained enough to deal with whatever could be down there and-"

"Well, I can't go with Faith because nobody has any idea where the hell she is right now!"

I try to stay calm but with the way Giles is being right now and with Willow not saying a word, it's driving me crazy. I head for the front door and grab my jacket, slipping it on quickly and ignoring Giles as he tells me not to go. I head out the front door, slamming it behind me and start the long walk to the school.

Josh said that a ghost had made Andrew kill his best friend on the Seal. A ghost? More like the First. So many questions are running through my mind right now. Who did the First appear as to Andrew to convince him? I don't even know this guy or what he even looks like, but what I do know is I want to find him and seriously hurt him for being so careless and stupid.

By the time I get to the school, the second period bell has just finished ringing. The hallways are empty and quiet when I walk through the front doors. When I hear a door open as I walk past the office, I start thinking that maybe walking in the front doors wasn't such a brilliant idea.

"Buffy?" Robin Wood calls out and I stop, rolling my eyes before I turn to face him, fake smile and all. "What are you doing here?"

"Business," I reply quickly. "Slayer business."

"I see," he says with a slight nod. "Slayer business during school hours?"

"If it's a problem-"

"No," he says as he takes a few steps towards me. "It's not a problem, but I do not want my students being put in any kind of danger because you have slayer business to deal with."

"We think the Seal might've been opened or partially opened," I say quietly and his eyes go wide as he crosses his arms over his chest. "I need to find out if it is or not."

"But we don't know where the Seal is, exactly."

"No, but I'm going to find out."

Robin sighs and looks down the hallway as a door opens. He points to the student that's obviously late for class and motions for him to get a move on. I turn and start walking towards the basement door with Robin right behind me.

"Let me come with you," he says and I shrug as I open the door. "That was locked."

"Oh. Oops?"

I smirk as he rolls his eyes and we head down to the basement. We search for hours until Robin stops in front of a door we haven't checked yet. I motion for him to get out of the way and he steps aside. I try the handle and it opens and I step inside the room. The floor is dirt unlike the rest of the basement which is cement. The seal is uncovered and I can feel the energy coming off it stronger than ever before.

"Wow," Robin says under his breath as he steps into the room. "And here I thought I checked every room down here."

"Maybe the walls move?" I reply with a shrug and I stand there next to him, staring down at the uncovered Seal. "Impressive."

"It is, except for that body," he motions to the body lying off to the side on the Seal.

"I know him," I say as I walk around to see the face. "That's Jonathan! Oh my god," I gasp and shake my head slowly. Robin looks at me, waiting for me to explain. "I went to school with him," I explain. "Not much of a story with him. I had no idea he was getting himself into this mess."

"We should get rid of the body," Robin says as he crouches down to examine the Seal a little closer. "It's not open," he says as he stands back up. "If it was open, we'd know."

"Because it wouldn't be closed?" I ask and he laughs. "It needs blood to be opened, doesn't it?"

"Yes, but apparently this boy wasn't enough of a sacrifice."

"Robin?"

"Yes?"

"How much do you know about Hellmouth's? Like lets say, this one in particular?"

"This one? Not much other than it is located here in Sunnydale and apparently right under my office. But what I do know is that each Hellmouth in the world requires blood to be opened and some require the blood to be spilled with an object, a weapon of sorts that has been forged to act as a key to opening the Hellmouth. Whoever killed this boy has it."

I'm starting to wonder if I made the wrong choice in excluding Robin Wood from our problems. I didn't trust him before and I still don't. Faith nearly killed him and I threatened him that night I came for Spike. He doesn't even seem like that threat bothered him, not with the way he's been with me this morning. He wants to help, he came here to help and I declined his offer to help us. We're getting nowhere with the First and with Roman and now that the Seal has been uncovered, I'm starting to think that maybe it's time to bring a new player into the game.

Robin tells me he'll deal with Jonathan's body tonight and that he'll cover the Seal once he's done. I thank him for offering to do this, but he shrugs it off like it's nothing. I don't want to ask him for his help until I've talked to Giles and Willow about this first. Bringing in a new player into this game might not be a great idea, but then again I've been wrong about things before. I know too that we're in over our heads in this game and that things are going to get worse-way worse-before they get better.

* * *

><p>I'm out on patrol alone tonight, but I know that Spike is nearby, following me, stalking me just as he has been since I left the house. I don't want to call him out, not yet. I'm not in the mood to deal with him right now.<p>

Giles had asked me earlier not to go out on patrol tonight. He didn't say why, he just asked me to stay in for the night. Of course I didn't listen to him. I needed to get out of the house. The girls are loud and annoying and if Kennedy asks me one more time to take her out on patrol with me I'm liable to snap. There's something about that girl that grates on my nerves, but she is quick and strong for a potential slayer and I know even though she makes some rash decisions when we train, she's got her head straight and her priorities are to eliminate the threat by any means possible and as quickly as she can.

I spent nearly the entire afternoon with Giles, Willow, and Tara. We went over the book that Josh has brought me this morning, trying to make sense of some of the pages. Giles had to spend hours translating and got as far as getting one single passage, a small one and it turned out to be irrelevant to the kind of information we are really looking for. What we did find out was that the First Evil always sought out someone, a human to do its bidding and dirty work that the Harbingers can't do.

There are no references to whether the First Evil has tried to rise in the past and once we learned that, I was the one who was the least surprised. Of course the First hasn't tried to rise since it was banished from this world and from being able to take corporeal form. If it had, we wouldn't be here. I know that much.

What we need to find in that book that Andrew and Josh paid Faith to get is answers on how to stop the First from going further, how to _kill_ it. I'm just so tired of this, this waiting game we're playing. I want Roman to show his face and even though I can't kill him, I still can hurt him. Maybe not hurt him as much as I want, but enough.

I stop walking when I hear footsteps nearby. I reach for my stake but stop when I sense that it's not a vampire. It's Faith.

"Hey," she says as she steps out from behind one of the tall tombstones.

"Hey. Where've you been?"

"Around. Been looking for me?"

"Not particularly."

She smiles a sad smile before she pulls a cigarette out of her worn jean jacket pocket. She pats her other pockets before she pulls out a lighter. I try not to stare but I can't help it. She looks tired, dirty, and hungry. I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess she hasn't been staying in that motel or anywhere else. Where has she been anyway?

"What?" Faith asks as she leans against the tombstone. "Say whatever you wanna say to me right now, B."

"What do you want me to say, Faith? I'm willing to be that you already know what I'm going to say to you and are going to refuse to give me any answers here."

"Been squatting in the woods," she says with a slight shrug. "Figured nobody would find me there. Too bad Spike wandered past earlier."

"Spike?"

"Talked me outta hiding from you," she continues and she sighs as she turns to look up at the night sky. "Said I'm being stupid."

"I definitely agree with him on that."

"Of course you do," she laughs and it's not a bitter laugh nor a sarcastic one. I smile at her, unable to help myself. "Been through a lot, you know? Didn't think it'd take this long to clear my head. Still ain't all that clear. Some days I think it's never gonna end and that I'm never gonna forgive myself."

"Faith, I told you-"

"B? Can I just say what I gotta say without you butting in?" Faith asks me calmly and I can tell that it's a struggle for her to stay so calm right now. "This is something I gotta deal with and I feel like such an idiot for saying the shit I said to you, during the spell and after. Nothing I can do or say to make it right. Apologizing seems pointless. You've already forgiven me like it all never happened."

"Of course I've forgiven you, Faith. I love you. Nothing is going to-"

"Change that. Yeah, I know. Kinda had this whole big talk with Spike earlier. He opened my eyes, made me realize that I don't gotta deal with this on my own when I got someone like you who loves me regardless of the shit I said to you and the things I've done."

I don't say a word. I'm on the verge of tears, happy tears, but I don't want to let them fall, not until she's finished with whatever it is she has to say to me right now. Faith shakes her head a little and takes a long drag of her cigarette before tossing it to the ground and crushing it out with the heel of her boot. She walks over to me and stops when she's just a few inches from me.

"Call me slow or whatever, but while I was out in the woods I got to thinking that maybe this is what they wanted. Maybe they wanted us so distracted with what's going on between us that we're not completely in the game Roman and the First are playing with us. And we need to be."

The first word that comes to mind is 'duh' but I don't say it. She doesn't give me a chance to since her lips are on mine and she's kissing me hard and deep. Yet before I can get into the kiss, she pulls back and breathes out heavily, shaking her head and laughing a little as she takes a few steps back away from me.

"Kinda feeling a bit gross right now," she says as she looks down at herself.

"Oh."

"Could use a nice hot shower. Ya think those girls staying at the house used up all the hot water yet?"

"It's almost midnight so unless they decided to shower at night instead of in the morning, there's definitely hot water."

"Cool."

I smile at her but she digs her hands into the front pocket of her dirty jeans. "Faith? Last week at your motel, you told me you don't deserve me. Why do you think that?"

"I was fucked up that night, B. Plus I was in pain and pretty buzzed so it got me saying things that I've had in my head the past little while and it's kind of hard just to let those thoughts go. But tell me something, yeah?" Faith sucks in a shaky breath. "Do I deserve you, B?"

"You do."

"Do I really? Am I even good enough for you?"

"You are good enough for me, Faith. I don't know how to convince you of that, but you are. You are a big part of my life and lately it's felt like there has been a big part of me that's missing since you've been gone. Those few times after the spell was broken and you left, when we saw each other, all I wanted was for things to go back to the way they were."

"Wanted? Ya still don't want that?"

"Of course I do, but..." I trail off and try to stay calm, try not to let the tears that are building up fall. "We can't just go back to what we had and we both know that. Everything has changed and while I still feel the same way about you, it's all different now and we just can't-"

"Go back to where we left off," she finishes for me. She frowns but nods her head. "I get it. Didn't think it'd be that easy. So where does that leave us then?"

"It all depends on what you want. What _do_ you want, Faith?"

"I want you," she replies quickly. "When you told me you missed me last week, I wanted to say it back. Didn't, but I'm saying it now. I miss you so fucking much, Buffy. So much that it hurts to keep staying away from you."

"Then don't do it anymore. Don't stay away. Don't run and hide. Come home."

It almost looks like she's about to cry as I pull her close and wrap my arms around her. I know we can't go back to where we were or pick up where we left off and that is going to make things hard between us for a little while. I know she probably is thinking that we're going to make love tonight once we're back home and as much as I want to-and god do I ever want to-but doing that now, after everything we've been through, isn't a good idea.

I step back and reach for her hand, smiling a little when she intertwines her fingers through mine. I don't say a word while we walk home and neither does she. She does tense a little when I head up to the front door and she gives my hand a little squeeze before I can unlock the door.

"It'll be all right," I whisper. "Let's just go inside and you can have a shower and we'll talk, okay?"

"Sure."

I let go of her hand and unlock the door, relieved to see that the girls camped out in the living room are fast asleep. We move up the stairs quietly and I walk her to the bathroom door, mouthing for her to meet me in the basement when she's done.

The basement will give us the privacy we need to talk things out tonight. With six girls in my-our room right now and it being well after midnight, I can't exactly kick them out because Faith is home now.

"Is Faith home?" Dawn asks sleepily as I walk past her bedroom. I nod my head with a little smile and she smiles right back at me. "Good. She's where she needs to be. Here. With you. With us."

And she is. For good, I hope, because I definitely do not want to go through losing her like that ever again.


	55. Chapter 55

**Chapter Fifty-Five**

I'm not surprised when Faith comes down to the basement almost an hour later wearing only my robe and carrying a bag of chips and two Cokes. I take the offered Coke from her and she sits next to me on the cot. Faith looks around and turns to look at the wall behind us.

I know what she's looking for. She's looking for the shackles we used to chain her up before Willow, Tara and Selwyn did that spell on her. She offers me some chips and I shake my head no. She shrugs before digging in and shoving another handful in her mouth.

"Should I start or do you wanna?" Faith asks me and I turn to face her fully as she leans back against the wall. I shrug, not sure how to start or what to even talk about right now. I know we have a lot to discuss but finding a place to start? Difficult. "I'm sorry, you know that right?"

"You don't need to apologize."

"I do, Buffy. After that spell, I shouldn't have taken off when Angel released me. I shouldn't have run and hid like a fucking coward. I was just so scared, B."

"Scared of what?"

"Everything. Myself, mostly. Didn't trust that they got me back from whatever darkness Roman and the First put in me. Figured if I was away from you, you and everyone else would be safe just in case that spell didn't work. Buffy, the things I did, I remember all of it even though I don't want to. Those memories, they're not going away, not anytime soon."

"I know."

"Remember when I asked you for some time?"

"I do. Has it been enough time for you, Faith?" I ask tentatively.

"More than enough time, was just too scared to admit that last week when you were stitching me up," she replies with a half-hearted laugh. "I ain't used to being scared."

I don't think anyone is used to being scared, but I don't say a word, I just reach for her hand and intertwine our fingers. She smiles a little and I have to fight the urge to lean over and kiss her. Everything is different now and if we're going to do this right, we need to go slow and pretty much start all over again.

"I wanna make things right between us," she says after a minute. "How can I do that?"

"I don't know. We need to start over."

"Completely?" Faith asks with a frown. "Does that mean I can't kiss ya until I take you out on a date or something?"

"Technically."

"Damn."

Crap. This slow thing is going to kill me. I want nothing more than to kiss her right now, to touch her, hold her. I want everything, but I can't let us jump back into this that fast.

I let go of her hand and place my hands behind her head, pulling her in for a kiss. One kiss isn't going to hurt or change the fact that we're starting all over again. I moan at the feel of her soft lips against mine. It's been far too long. I feel her tongue slip over my lips and I part them willingly. I kiss her back with just as much fervour. I have to break away from the kiss first and I'm breathing heavily as she licks over her lips, smirking as she leans back against the wall.

"Guess that's what you meant when you said technically," Faith chuckles.

"We're still starting over, Faith."

"Hell of a way to start," she says with a wink. "Okay, in all seriousness here, what have I been missing out on around here?"

"Where do I even start," I groan and I move to sit next to her and lean back against the wall.

"Start with when Giles came back."

So I do. I tell her everything that's happened since she ran off. I try to keep it straight to the point since it's late and I really don't want to spend all night talking. I kind of want to kiss her some more before we get some much needed sleep. She asks about the girls staying here and I tell her what I know about them, that they're potential slayers and that they are here so we can protect them from the First's Harbingers that had been hunting them down and killing them off, one by one.

I tell her about Robin Wood, about what Andrew had done with that book she's gotten for him. She looks almost guilty when I tell her about that, but doesn't say anything. She doesn't even ask about Josh and I don't mention him. I even fill her in on what had happened after I left that house that night with Spike. By the time I'm finished catching her up, it's been over an hour and I'm tired.

I stay down there with her and the instant she lays down next to me, her arms are around me, holding me close to her. I smile as I feel myself drifting off to sleep. This was one of the many little things I've missed with her not being here with me, is how she'd just hold me close as we sleep.

* * *

><p>I wake up to the sounds of footsteps and chatter upstairs. Faith is still holding me and she murmurs against my head as I stretch out a little bit. I turn in her arms until I'm facing her and she has a smile curled over her lips and her eyes are still closed. I give her a soft kiss and she moans, her arms tightening around me to hold me right where I am.<p>

"Mmm, just stay a minute will ya?" Faith whispers against my lips. "It feels like a dream right now. Is it a dream, Buffy?"

"It's not," I whisper back and she smiles again. "But we have to get up."

"Bummer."

"Faith?" I ask as I move back a little from her once she loosens her hold on me. "We need to go and get all your stuff and bring it home."

"Yeah. Was thinking of sleeping a little more before I did that."

"How can you sleep with all that noise?"

"It's like white noise to me," she chuckles and she finally opens her eyes. "I missed this."

"Me too."

"B?" Faith says, holding me when I try to move. "Ya think we can do this? This whole starting over thing with all that's going on right now?"

"I want to try. I want this to work. I love you, Faith. Our lives are never gonna be easy and that makes our relationship hard at times. We've been through a lot together already and I don't want to just give up because of what we just went through. I know you don't either."

Faith pulls me in for a deep kiss that I instantly lose myself in. I wish we could stay down here all day, shut out the rest of the world and just be alone together. It's not possible unfortunately and I know I have to get upstairs before someone comes down here looking for me. I let myself enjoy the deep, passionate kiss for a few more minutes before I push Faith away from me.

"Go back to sleep. I need to be upstairs. I have to tell Giles that you're home and find out if he's learned anything more from that book that Andrew used."

"Sure," Faith nods and sighs as she lets me go. "Ya think we can get away with going out on a date? Tonight maybe?"

"We'll see. There are other things that are a bit more important right now and before you say it," I say and I place a finger over her lips before she can cut me off. "I am all for starting over and trying to make this work, but you know as well as I do that this situation with Roman and the First have got to be dealt with first."

"Yeah, I know. Just sucks, is all."

I laugh and give her a quick kiss before I head upstairs. There are at least a dozen girls in the kitchen, all scrambling to get some cereal or toast before it disappears. I make my way past them and into the living room, groaning at the mess these girls have made. A few of them catch my look and start to straight up the sleeping bags and piles of clothes that seem to be everywhere. I shake my head and walk into the dining room where Giles, Willow and Tara are sitting at the table, a mess of papers and books laid out in front of them.

"Good morning, Buffy," Willow says and she motions to the foam cup that's sitting on the table. "Xander stopped by and brought us coffee and donut-y goodness!"

I smile and grab the cup and take a sip. Chocolate mocha with an espresso shot. Definitely haven't had one of these in a long time. I take a seat and look over the papers that are on the table. All translations of what is in the book that Josh had brought here for us.

"Any luck with the book?" I ask and Giles nods his head a little. "Well?"

"We'll need to ensure the Seal hasn't been opened by closing it, first and foremost. We do not know if anything has come out of there and if Andrew was successful in opening it," Giles replies. "You'll need to track this boy down. He who opens it shall have to be the one who closes it," he says as he reads from the translation in front of him.

"We already tried looking for him," Willow reminds him gently. "We had no luck, remember?"

"We need to try again," he states firmly and Willow opens up her laptop, rolling her eyes when Giles looks over to me. "Buffy, I heard that Faith is home."

"She is."

"That's good," he says with a soft smile. "And how is she?"

"She's fine, Giles. Not a hundred percent fine, but at least she's home, right?"

He nods and reaches for a donut out of the box. "While I am happy that Faith has returned home, I hope you two won't lose focus on the problem we must deal with at the moment."

"We won't."

"Faith has interacted with Andrew and his cousin before. Perhaps you can speak with her about tracking Andrew down for us?"

"I will when she wakes up."

"And Buffy?" Giles sighs. "Do realize that your relationship with Faith is not your top priority at the moment."

I grit my teeth and nod my head, feeling too angry to say a word right now. I know what my priorities and responsibilities are and he is out of line if he thinks I don't know that. Willow and Tara busy themselves with looking on the computer for any more information on Andrew Wells that they can find. We've already gone through everything already, every lead a dead end.

I finish up my mocha and gather up some of the girls that have been here the longest and we head out to the backyard to begin training. Kennedy, of course, complains about how it's too early in the morning to train, but I ignore her as I always do as I lead the girls through their warm-ups.

I keep my focus on the girls, watching them and instructing them when their moves are sloppy. After an hour, I give them a break and I pull Kennedy aside. She rolls her eyes and I cross my arms over her chest, really tired of her attitude.

"I need you to take over for a little while," I say to her quietly. "I have some things I need to do and these girls need to continue their training."

"Finally," Kennedy scoffs. "How long do you want me to keep going with them?"

"For another hour," I reply. "And Kennedy? Watch the attitude. You're on thin ice and I'm giving you a chance to redeem yourself here."

"Fine, Buffy. These girls are in good hands with me. I know the training inside and out."

"I know you do which is why I asked you to take over for me."

Kennedy smiles and turns to the group who are all sitting on the lawn. "Alright, maggots, on your feet!"

I stifle a laugh and head back inside. Even as annoying as Kennedy is, she has a lot more potential than most of the girls that are here. She has leadership qualities and if she just loses the attitude, she could go that much further with the skills she is learning here.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Willow asks me when I walk into the kitchen. She's standing by the sink looking out into the backyard as Kennedy leads the girls. "She's a bit of a hot-head."

"She can handle it. I need to get Faith up. We're going to pick up her things and I want to get this done sooner rather than later."

"Buffy?"

"Yeah, Will?"

"Is everything going to be okay with you two?"

"We're working on it," I reply with a smile and she smiles right back. "We're starting over, starting fresh and oh my god is it ever hard."

"I bet!" Willow chuckles. "But I think it's good you two are going to work this out. She makes you happy, Buffy, and there's nothing more than any of us want to see is a happy Buffy. Especially in times like this."

"Thanks, Will."

I head downstairs to get Faith, but the basement is empty. I sigh and head upstairs to my bedroom and I find her going through the closet, still wearing my robe. I close the door behind me quietly and she turns to look at me with a smile on her face.

"Was looking for something to wear, but you know, none of this is my style."

"Right," I laugh and I walk over to the dresser and pull out a pair of sweatpants that are a little bit too big on me. "Here."

"Got a shirt I can borrow?"

I rummage through the same drawer and pull out a black tank. "Thinking this is a little bit more of your style."

"Got that right."

I feel rooted to the spot, unable to avert my eyes away from her as she slips off the robe, revealing her beautiful, sexy naked body. Faith laughs when she catches me checking her out, but she surprisingly doesn't say anything. She pulls on the pants and pulls the tank over her head and smooths her hands down her sides.

"So," I say, clearing my throat as she sits on the edge of my bed. "Remember how I told you that Andrew tried to open the Hellmouth Seal?"

"Could kick his ass for being a stupid little shit," Faith says angrily. "Yeah, I remember. What are we gonna do about it?"

"We need to find him," I reply and she nods her head. "Do you have any idea where we can find him? Any of the leads we've found on him have been dead ends."

"Of course they are. Kid might be a tool but he's not an idiot. He pissed off a bunch of demons and he's been on the run, hiding. Thought that book I got for him would have something in it to ward them off. Kid is a bit freaked about the First too."

"But you know where we can find him?"

"Know of a couple of places we can check. Got a bone to pick with him anyway. Wanna go hunt him down after we grab my stuff?"

Of course I do. I smile at her and she smiles right back, but it quickly fades. Whatever she's thinking about, she's not happy. I'll worry about that later, but right now we have things we need to get done and an Andrew Wells to find.

* * *

><p>Two days later we're in the living room standing in front of Andrew who is currently tied up to a chair and being completely uncooperative. Faith easily found him the other day and he put up a bit of a fight, trying to outrun her. I could only stand by and watch as she easily chased him down and knocked him out. At least by the time we dragged him back to the house, Giles had taken all of the potentials with him to the desert for a retreat for the weekend. This meant less questions from the girls while we got some answers out of Andrew.<p>

The only thing we've gotten out of him was nothing but whining about being tired and hungry. We've all taken turns trying to get him to talk with no luck. Even though he knows a lot about demons, a few spells and has complete knowledge of the book his cousin gave to us a few days ago, he's pretty much useless and not much of a threat.

"Andrew, you feel like talking today?" Faith asks as she stands in front of him. He shakes his head no and looks the other way. Faith steps forward and grabs his chin and forces him to look at her. "Come on, Andy. I thought we were friends?"

"Why are you keeping me here?" Andrew whines. "Am I a prisoner?"

"You're here because you aren't answering a damn thing!"

"Faith," I say gently and I pull her back away from him. "This isn't working."

"You killed your friend!" She yells at him and I see Andrew tense up and the tears build up in his eyes. "Why won't you just admit it?"

"Fine! I killed him! I killed Jonathan. Is that what you wanted to hear? You guys aren't cops too, are you?"

"Why did you kill him?" Faith asks and I cross my arms over my chest as Andrew shuts right up again. "Come on, Andy. What aren't you telling us? Are you afraid of something?"

"Roman," he mutters and she steps forward. "I'm afraid of Roman and the demons that travel with him, okay!"

Faith and I exchange a look and Willow steps forward, motioning for Faith to step away. Andrew whimpers as she gets closer and stops just a few inches from him.

"Are you lying to us, Andrew? Because I am a very powerful witch and I'm not the only one with power in the room," she says firmly. "When was the last time you saw Roman?"

"The night I killed Jonathan," he replies with a quivering voice. "He was there with something that called itself the First Evil. They were going to kill me if I didn't kill him!"

"Why would Roman get this guy to kill Jonathan?" I ask Faith in a soft whisper. "Roman could've just killed him himself."

"What did you kill him with? Did you stab him?" Willow asks and Andrew whimpers, shaking his head yes. "What did you stab him with?"

"A knife."

"Where is this knife?"

"I don't know!"

Willow groans as she turns to look back at us. "I don't think this is going anywhere guys," she frowns. "He's not telling us anything we don't already know."

"I got it in Mexico," he mutters. "Jonathan and I went there to find it. Roman threatened us that if we didn't, he'd kill us."

"Did he say why?"

"No!"

"You're lying!" Willow yells at him and she slaps him, hard.

"Willow, honey, stop," Tara says gently as she pulls her away from Andrew. "He's scared. This isn't helping."

"Can I please go now?" Andrew asks. "I didn't do anything to any of you!"

I lead the way into the dining room and I face the others. "We're not getting anywhere with him. He's useless," I say quietly. "He's scared and useless."

"So, what are we gonna do with him?" Willow asks. "We can't just hold him here."

"Sure we can. He might be a pussy, but he's killed someone and not to mention that he's been following orders from Roman and the First," Faith cuts in. "He's better off here with us behind held against his will than out on the streets or in jail where Roman and the First can get to him."

I rub my temples and sit down at the table. I know we need to do something, but we need to find out more of what Andrew knows about Roman and the First before we can do anything. We also need to find the knife he used to kill Jonathan. Giles told us before he left that the knife is important according to that ancient book. But so far in two days we've gotten next to nowhere with Andrew and I'm getting completely fed up.

I'm ready to be done with this, with all of this. With the First apparently dormant and Roman still in hiding, we're getting nowhere and these potential slayers keep showing up, at least one every couple of days and I've had enough. Something has to be done before the First can make a move and we need to figure something out before it does.

We've hit a lot of dead ends lately, but I have this feeling that there is something that Andrew knows that we don't and he's not telling us because he's been told not to. I look over at Faith and she's standing by the window and from the look on her face, she's deep in her own thoughts right now, likely thinking of how to get Andrew to talk to us, to tell us all that he knows.

I jump out of the chair when there are a few hard, quick knocks on the front door. I move quickly and open the door, surprised to see Robin Wood standing there with a deep gash on his forehead.

This can't be good.


	56. Chapter 56

**Chapter Fifty-Six**

After Robin Wood's surprise appearance, we turned back to Andrew, forcing him to tell us something, anything. Robin came with news about what was happening not just in the school but around town. The Hellmouth has already begin to make people act out of sorts, crazy if you want to put it that way and although that's normal around here, it seems like everything that has happened over the years is happening all at once again. The Seal itself isn't open, not entirely, but that doesn't mean that what Andrew did when he tried to open it by killing Jonathan didn't kick start a chain-reaction of events.

We've had Andrew for a week now and we haven't gotten anything out of him, not anything useful at least. Willow and Tara even cast a truth spell on him the other day and we asked him more about the knife he and Jonathan got in Mexico under Roman's orders to retrieve it. He kept saying the same thing, that he didn't know anything about the knife and that he was trying to save his own life in finding it and bringing it back to Sunnydale. All his leads about Roman were nothing but dead ends too, but every place Faith and I checked, I could almost _feel_ that he'd been there.

Always one step ahead of us and we desperately need to find a way to get one step ahead of them.

I walk down the empty streets of Sunnydale, not surprised that just about everyone has fled over the past few days. With the Hellmouth giving off more power than ever before, people wigged and left town as fast as they could. I almost want to do the same thing, but I can't. I can't until this is done.

"Hey," Faith says as she jogs to catch up to me. "Been looking around for ya, B."

"I needed some air."

"Got plenty of that back at home."

"I wanted to get away from there for a little while," I reply softly and she just nods, shoving her hands into the front pockets of her jeans as she walks next to me. "Is this ever going to end?"

"All things come to an end, good things and bad things."

Like us. I don't say it. Things haven't been so great between us. We haven't had a moment alone since the night she came back home. We don't talk, we barely look at one another and we haven't been alone longer than five minutes unless you count this right here, right now. I want things to go back to the way they were between us and I am trying, I just don't know if I'm trying hard enough. I can't just push back all my other responsibilities to focus on my relationship with Faith even if that's what my heart is begging for me to do.

"Are we okay?" I ask her, ignoring that nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that's telling me that now is not the time to bring this up.

"What ya mean? Ya talking about us?" Faith asks and I nod as we come to a stop in the middle of the empty, quiet street. "Sure," she shrugs. "Starting over and all that, right?"

"But are we?"

"B, we got a lot on our plate right now," she sighs and she slips her hands out of her pockets. "The thing is, you and me? It's gonna take time and we both know it. I'm just, you know, happy to be home with you, fighting the good fight like I'm supposed to be. Everything else? Wish it wasn't the way it is, but it is the way it is and I gotta accept that. You do too."

I miss everything we had together. I miss everything, even those stupid little fights we'd have and then make up with some incredible sex afterwards that made us forget what we were fighting about in the first place.

"I'm trying to accept it," I whisper and she reaches out for my hand. I willingly take hers in mind and sigh softly. "I want all of this to be over so we can go back to where we were before."

"I want that too, B. I do. So fucking much," Faith whispers. "But right now doesn't seem like the right time to try to get it all back."

"I know."

"It sucks."

"It does."

Faith frowns as she takes a step closer to me and gently cups my face with both of her hands. For a second I think she's going to kiss me and she does. She kisses me so softly I barely feel her lips against mine.

"I miss you," she whispers, her lips barely brushing against mine.

My heart is racing as I pull her in and kiss her hard and deep, not wanting to fight those urges or my emotions any longer. Faith's hands find their way to my hips and she pulls me closer to her, feverishly kissing me back in the middle of the street. God, I want her. I need her. I want to forget about starting over just for one day. I just need her, right now.

Faith pulls back first and sighs, smiling a little but it's a sad smile. She runs her thumb gently over my bottom lip before she steps out of my arms. I reach for her hand and she lets me take it and I intertwine our fingers together and we turn around, heading in the direction back home. We walk slowly and I close my eyes, feeling the warm sun on my skin. If I push out all the thoughts and reasons why the it's so quiet and empty, it feels like another normal day in a normal town that isn't Sunnydale.

"B?" Faith says as she comes to a stop before we reach Revello Drive.

"Yeah?"

"Back there..." Faith trails off as she lets go of my hand. "What you said about us? Been thinking maybe we aren't trying hard enough. Maybe we're just letting this whole fucked up situation be an excuse to keep us from getting too close."

"You think so?"

"Just a feeling, you know? Can't shake it. Nothing is gonna be the same between us, we both know that, but I don't wanna be at the spot we're at now."

"I don't either."

"And kissing you back there? God, if I hadn't stopped-"

"I wish you hadn't."

Faith laughs and runs her hands through her hair. I take a step closer to her and I want to kiss her again. Just from the way she's looking at me I know she wants it too. And a whole lot more. But before I can get any closer to her, the sounds of a dozen or so more feet hitting the pavement can be heard and I look down the street to see Kennedy leading a group of girls, jogging and yelling at them to keep up.

"She's something else, isn't she?" Faith chuckles as we move to the sidewalk to get out of the way.

"She is."

"Definitely taking this whole being in charge of training thing a little too far, don't ya think?"

I nod, smiling a little before I take Faith's hand in mine again and head home. I think about what she just said and she's right. We are holding back and even though it feels like we're trying, we're not trying hard enough. With everything we've gone through, it shouldn't be this hard to be with each other again. It's what we both want and I don't just know it, I feel it. Even now, just holding her hand, I can feel how much she wants us to be _us_ again.

I want it too. So much. I need her back with me and even though she's here, back home where she belongs, she's not where I want her to be, need her to be which is in my bed at night just like it was before Roman made sure everything changed with that spell that tried to strip away her soul and nearly succeeded.

The house is quiet when we get back, but it's not empty. Willow and Tara are in the dining room going over the hundreds of pages they'd translated from that ancient book. A handful of the girls that hadn't gone with Kennedy on their run are in the living room, some of them reading, others talking quietly to each other. I lead the way into the kitchen, surprised to see Andrew and Giles standing by the island, both with a cup of tea in their hands.

"Giles? What's going on? Why isn't he, you know, tied up?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.

"He's not a threat," Giles replies tiredly. "And he has agreed to help us translate the rest of that book."

"And I can't do that if I'm tied up," Andrew says and he shakes a little as I take a step forward. "I just want to help. I swear I'm not evil anymore."

"You were never evil," Faith chuckles and I turn to her, frowning. "What?"

"Did you know they let him go before you came looking for me?"

"Uh-"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Faith shrugs. "Dunno. Didn't cross my mind. He ain't much of a threat, B."

"Andrew is quite fluent in a variety of demon and ancient languages," Giles says and I look at Andrew in disbelief and he's standing there grinning like an idiot. "And yes, Buffy, I have made it quite clear that he is still considered a prisoner here."

"I prefer hostage."

"Andrew," Giles mutters and shakes his head.

"Sorry, Mr. Giles. Prisoner."

I can't believe this. I grab a bottle of water out of the fridge and head out into the backyard with Faith following close behind me. I stand on the back steps and look around the backyard. It's turned into a training ground, bales of hay set up with targets, a few weapons scattered on the grass and the vampire dummy that Xander made hanging from the tree.

"B, I should've told ya," Faith says and I shrug it off. "You're pissed, aren't you?"

"I leave the house for two hours and they let Andrew go!"

"He's harmless, B, you know that. He just wants to help."

"What, are you on team Andrew now?" I scoff and she moves to stand in front of me. "We've had him here for a week, Faith, a week and nothing he's told us has gotten us anywhere and now he's free to go whenever he pleases and he's _helping_ Giles translate that book?"

"There's shit in that book about the First. We need that and we need to understand it if we want to get through this and put an end to whatever the First has planned. Andrew wants to help. Don't get what the big deal is."

I sit down on the second last step and take a sip of my water. Faith sits next to me, close but not too close. "I'm so tired of all of this," I sigh. "It just feels like we never get anywhere with anything. I feel like I'm fighting this blind with my hands tied behind my back."

"We'll figure it out. Gotta have a little faith," she says, smiling when I turn to look at her. "We always figure it out and get through it, don't we? And I figure that's what the First wants, for us to feel like we've lost before the battle even starts."

She's right. Why is she always right? I lean into her as she puts an arm over my shoulders. I have to stop feeling like this. This is exactly what the First wants, to throw us off our game, get us to feel like there's no hope left in saving the world this time.

"I had a dream last night," she says and I close my eyes, just relishing the feel of being close to her and the sound of her voice. "Dreamt things were, you know, normal. No vamps, no demons, no First Evil plotting to kill us all kind of deal. Was kinda nice."

"I like those kind of dreams."

"Yeah."

Faith kisses the top of my head before she stands up. I can't help but watch her as she walks around the backyard, picking up some of the weapons that are lying around. She tosses them in the chest by the back shed and locks it. She looks tense, frustrated with a whole lot of pent up energy, something that is very typical in her on any given day. She walks over to the vamp dummy hanging from the tree and gives it a few soft jabs to the stomach and sighs loud enough to wake the dead.

I place my bottle of water down on the step and pull of my jean jacket. Faith turns to look at me, an eyebrow raising as she watches me stretch in the middle of the lawn. She pulls off her own jacket and quickly stretches before she charges at me, both of us laughing when I easily duck her quick roundhouse kick.

"That all you got?"

"No holding back?"

"You hold back?" I ask with a wink and she laughs again. "No wonder it's so easy for me to kick your ass."

"Oh, you're going down for that one, B!"

I move too quickly for her, sweeping her legs out from under her. She lands hard on the ground and she has that look in her eyes. I've pushed the right buttons and she's ready now. God, it's been so long since we've sparred like this that I almost forgot how much fun it is.

Faith leaps to her feet and catches me off-guard, copying the move I just used on her. I land on the ground on my back and she's instantly on top, pinning my arms to the ground.

"Told ya you were going down."

"Yeah."

I blow her a kiss before I gain just enough leverage to throw her off of me. We begin circling each other, staring long and hard into each other's eyes, waiting for the other to make the next move first. I try not to let the disappointment I feel show when Kennedy and the other potentials come in through the back gate from their daily run.

A few stick around, Kennedy being one of them, while the others head inside to get something cold to drink. I take my eyes off of Faith for a split second and she has me in a choke hold from behind. Definitely didn't see that coming. While she holds me tight, it's not to hurt me since when we spar, we try not to hurt each other but still use the same moves we would on a vamp or demon. Over the months we spent together, we learned how to perfect that and I'm surprised that hasn't changed at all.

I twist in her hold, breaking free and she lets out a sexy laugh that really makes me wish it was still just the two of us out here right now. Kennedy and the other girls are mesmerized by us as we set into a rhythm of steady kicks and punches, all of them blocked with fluid ease. I even let her gain the upper hand and when she laughs in triumph, I make my move, sweeping her legs out from under her and pinning her to the ground.

"And that's how it's done," I say as I look down at her.

"Looks like I got my ass handed to me. Damn, B, and in front of the girls too?" Faith says, whining a little but winks at me. "I give."

I get up and look over at Kennedy and the girls. They're laughing and clapping and they congratulate me as I make my way to the back steps. I grab my jacket and my water and look back over at Faith. She's still on the ground where I left her but she's leaning up on her elbows just staring at me with the sexiest smile I've ever seen dancing over her lips.

Maybe sparring wasn't such a great idea, not with the way I've been feeling today and with that kiss we had in the middle of the street. I need a distraction and I know exactly how to do that. A nice long and hopefully hot shower.

But my plans for that fly right out the window when I walk into the back door and hear the commotion coming from the girls in the living room. Giles is in there as well, trying to keep the girls calm. I get in the middle of the room and toss my jacket on the chair at the desk and place my hands on my hips.

"Does anyone care to clue me in to what is going on here?"

"The power is out!" One of the girls yells out.

"It's out?" I look over at Giles and he nods his head slowly.

"I've had Xander gone out to check and see if it's just this block or if it's the entire town."

"There's nobody left here but us!" Rona says. "Power company probably just cut it off before they bailed too."

"Okay, girls I need you to search through the house and find every candle you can find before it gets dark," I say to them and all but Rona nod their heads and start off in search for candles. "Rona, is there a problem?"

"No, no problem," she snaps and shakes her head. "Why are we even sticking around here? Nothing has happened since we got here aside from bringing Andrew here and holding him hostage."

"See, Mr. Giles? I'm more of a hostage than a prisoner," Andrew pipes up from where he's sitting at the dining room table.

"Bloody hell," Giles says under his breath. "If I knew how to translate half the languages he does, he would have no use here."

"Have fun, Giles," I laugh as he exits the room to join Andrew in their seemingly never-ending task of translating that ancient book. A book that doesn't even have a name, so to speak. And if it does, I'm sure I'd forget it anyway.

I head upstairs to my room, relieved to find that the girls who had been staying in there had cleared out their things. My room is mine again. A week of not so subtle hints that I needed some time alone and some space and they're finally out!

"Figured you'd be happier," Faith says as she stands by the door to the bathroom. "Having it all to yourself again."

"Faith? Weren't you just outside? I didn't see you come in."

"Yeah," she chuckles and I close the bedroom door slowly. "You can thank me, you know."

"For what?"

"For telling the girls to give ya your room back. Leader and all. Deserve some kind of privacy, don't ya think?"

"When did she die?" I ask the First, not falling for this for a second. I know how Faith talks and the way her lips move in a certain way when she says certain words. The First might be wearing her body, but it doesn't quite have her whole persona down, at least not enough to fool me.

"Funny story," the First as Faith laughs and doesn't move from where it is standing. "But I'm thinking she oughta tell ya that one."

"What do you want?"

"Want? I want a lot of things."

I cross my arms over my chest and stare at the First. I don't like it wearing her body. It's wrong. So wrong. I try to stay calm and composed, but inside I'm screaming, angry at Faith for her not telling me she'd died. When the _hell_ did she die? Obviously it was short and she was brought back to life, but when did this happen?

"What I want is for you to get rid of Roman."

Huh?

"He's been, shall we say, difficult lately and I personally have had enough."

"He's immortal. We can't kill him or get rid of him. You know this as well as we do."

"See now that's where I can help," the First chuckles and I take a step back towards the door. "You don't believe me, do you, Buffy? Wearing her body, I thought you'd trust me a little more than that."

"I could never trust you."

"And you shouldn't. For good reason," the First laughs and it's one of those Faith laughs that usually send those good chills down my spine. "Roman decided to play a different game. One of his players is now a part of your pathetic little group."

"Andrew?"

"Yes, Andrew and his pathetic little friend Jonathan. Can't say how relieved I am Roman's little plan fell through. Thought he'd turn against me and I wouldn't know?"

The First won't give me any details and I know better than to ask for them. Instead I give it the sweetest smile I can manage as I drop my arms to my side. "Looks like you're having a bit of trouble keeping your minions loyal to you. And now you've come to me, wanting me to help you?"

"We want the same things, for Roman to be gone. For good."

"Again, forgetting the immortal part."

"I can take care of that," the First replies confidently, cockily.

"And what is in it for me? For us good guys?"

And the catch. There's always at catch with the evil types.

"You want him out, I want him out. It's a win/win situation."

I laugh and shake my head. "What's the catch?"

"Oh you just can't get one past you, can you, Buffy?" The First laughs and it takes a few steps towards me, striding in Faith's old cocky demeanour I haven't seen in years. "Time. It's what you need? Rally the troops, find a game plan that'll work. Isn't that what you need and want, General Buffy?"

I raise an eyebrow and the First laughs, really laughs. "General Buffy?" I say, smirking as that playful smile I've grown to love about Faith curls over the First's lips. "Isn't that bit too, oh I don't know, military-ish?"

"You get rid of Roman. I'll hash out the whole immortal problem. Do we have a deal, Buffy?"

"And in return I get time? _Time_? Right."

Another laugh. This time it makes me feel sick. It's like looking and hearing Faith but it's not her.

"You've had plenty of time," the First says as it takes another step closer to me. "What are you waiting for?"

"B?" Faith knocks on the door and in that split second I take my eyes off the First, it disappears. I groan and open the door. "What's up? Talking to yourself?"

"Had a little visit with the First," I reply sharply. "We need to talk."

I reach out for her and gently touch her forearm. Real. This is Faith and not the First playing a trick on me. Can't be too careful.

"What's going on, B?" Faith says as she comes into the room and I quickly shut the door behind her. "You had a visit with the First? Aren't you wigged?"

"Oh I'm wigged. Also pissed," I say as I just stare at her. "Came to me as you, Faith. And you know what that means? The First can only appear in the body of someone who has died. When the _hell_ did you die?"

"B, just calm down-"

"You should've told me!" I cut her off and I can feel the tears stinging my eyes. "When did this happen, Faith? I-I didn't even know. I-I could've lost you for good!"

"B, calm down, please," she pleads as she grabs my hands and leads me over to the bed. We sit down and I yank my hands out of hers. "I'm kinda shaky on the details here, okay. It happened when I booked it to LA. While I was under Roman's spell. It was him, B. Kept having dreams about it after the spell was broken and thought it was just fear or something. Nightmares. Shit..."

There's so much more to what Faith has gone through than I know, than any of us know. I want to be angry at her for keeping this from me, but I get it. I do. If I was where she is now, I'd do the exact same thing. The less anyone knows, the less questions are asked, the less those around me know what I'm going through. I know this all too well.

I lean towards Faith and gingerly cup her face in my hands. I see the tears building in her eyes and I wait until the first few fall before I kiss them away.

"How did it happen?" I ask her softly and she shakes her head. "Talk to me, please?"

"Roman did it," she frowns. "Had me tied up in some basement. Called it a controlled death. Even had a doctor there with all this fancy shit to bring me back once he killed me. Didn't feel a thing. Like I said, I'm kinda shaky on the details, but that's al I remember."

My heart sinks and I lean forward and kiss the tears away as they continue to fall slowly. I want to slowly torture Roman to death and that makes me think of what the First had said to me about being able to take care of the immortal part of Roman so I can kill him. I sit back and stare at Faith. She's trying to stop her tears, furiously wiping away at them now.

Everything the First had said to me keeps repeating over and over in my head. When Faith finally calms down and manages to stop the tears, she asks me about what the First had said to me and I told her everything. She went from being utterly upset and depressed to pissed off and ready to fight Roman. I had to keep her calm, keep her from storming out of the house until we came up with some kind of plan.

And we all know how that turns out because every time we've encountered Roman, things always seem to go bad, with or without a plan.


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter Fifty-Seven**

Faith made me swear not to tell anyone about the fact that she had died, even if it was only for a few few short minutes. But it got me thinking and we got talking, discussing how there has to be another slayer out there, one that was called when she died for those few minutes. Faith carries the slayer line-or at least she did before Roman pulled that whole killing her and bringing her back to life thing. Now this other slayer, a girl we don't even know or where she is, she holds the line and her life could very much be in danger.

I know I can't ask Giles or Willow if they can find out if another slayer has been called and how we can find her without telling them about Faith being killed under a controlled death. I don't want to go back on my word, my promise to her that I wouldn't say anything just to find that out. But sooner or later, the others are going to know, whether we tell them or the new slayer just shows up.

It's been a few days and I've had a lot of time to think about my encounter with the First and to deal with what Faith had told me. Of course Roman had a plan and a reason for putting that spell on her. Making her lose her soul, succumbing to the darkness deep inside of her, slowly yet surely made her a lot easier to lure and control and potentially kill. But why would he do that? Why would he even want to activate another slayer? All this thinking is making my head hurt.

"B?" Faith calls out from the top of the basement stairs. "You down there?"

"Yeah," I reply reluctantly.

She comes down the stairs with two bottles of water in each hand. "They're not cold or anything," she says with a shrug as she hands me one. "Andrew and a couple of the girls went to the store to get some supplies."

"I see."

"What ya doing down here in the dark, B?"

"Nothing. Thinking, mostly," I reply with a heavy sigh. "So we're letting Andrew make grocery trips now?"

Faith groans and sits next to me on the mats we have laying out on the floor. "He's playing on our team, B. Don't gotta worry about him going all bad and evil on us. Got bigger things to worry about. So, what were ya thinking about anyway?"

"About the new slayer."

"Maybe she'll turn up?" Faith says and shrugs before leaning back on her elbows. "Ya wanna talk to Giles about it, don't ya?"

"I promised you that I wouldn't."

"Look where that's got us so far. A big fat nowhere. If there's another slayer out there, B, we could definitely use her here, yeah?"

"But you-"

"Fuck it," Faith shrugs. "They're gonna find out eventually anyway. Rather they find out from me first before this new slayer shows up or something."

I watch her, much like I've been doing the past couple of days. She seems a bit on edge as she runs her hand through her hair, her eyes looking everywhere but at me. She's barely looked at me since she told me what happened when she was killed by Roman and promptly brought back to life. I don't know why she's acting like this-okay, no, I do. I've been through it all myself a year ago. I know what it's like to feel different after dying, whether briefly or for a few months.

If anyone knows how she's feeling right now, it's me. I'm not going to force her to talk about it. She'll talk when she wants to and I have to accept that. I just hate seeing her coil back like this. We were getting somewhere, we even had a few kisses and it was great and now, nothing.

"What's eating you?" Faith asks as she nudges my leg wit her foot. "B?"

"I'm just thinking. Too much thinking actually. Don't know how to stop. Haven't been able to sleep since my encounter with the First."

She wouldn't know either. She hasn't been sleeping in _our_ room and has chosen to sleep down here in the basement, the furthest point away from me without leaving the house. Sometimes I wish I had an off button I could just flick off, set my mind at ease even if only for a few short hours. Faith used to be my off button, metaphorically speaking.

"I'm just so tired," I sigh. I watch her frown a little before she takes a swig of her water. "I-I don't even know what we're going to do next, Faith. I keep getting this feeling something bad is going to happen, or has and we don't even know it yet."

"Whatever comes up, we'll come out stakes blazing and kick their ass."

I chuckle softly and that makes Faith smile. God, I love her smile, especially the one she has dancing over her lips right now. It's subtle and just barely brings out the dimples in her cheeks. I groan when I hear something upstairs break and I lay back on the mats and close my eyes.

"I can't wait to have my house back," I sigh and I open my eyes when I feel Faith lay next to me.

"The girls are grating on my last nerve too these days, B," Faith says and I look over at her and she's right next to me but not quite close enough to be touching me. "I know why Roman did it," she says after a few minutes. "I know why he killed me then brought me back when he could've just left me dead."

"Why?" I ask as I turn to lay on my side so I can look at her properly. "Faith?"

"When you said the First wanted to get rid of Roman, it got me thinking. Roman ain't playing for the First anymore. Don't think he has been for a while. He's playing on his own team, playing his own game. The First? It wants us all dead. Roman? Used to me activate another slayer. Make any sense?"

"I don't know why I didn't think of that before. It makes complete sense. The more slayers there are, the less of a chance the First has at winning this war."

"We gotta find this new slayer, B. Got this feeling that Roman is looking for her too and if he gets his hands on her, he's gonna do the same thing to her as he did to me."

"We'll find her. We'll go up and talk to Giles and Willow and they'll get in touch with Selwyn so she can have the coven find this girl for us."

"You know what this means though?" Faith says as she turns on her side too. "Means we're not the Chosen Two anymore."

"It's okay. I can live with that."

"You don't get it," she sighs and I hate the look that's on her face right now, one of disappointment and doubt and fear. "What if we're together because of something we have no control over, like our slayer connection or whatever?"

"Faith, what are you talking about? I'm with you because I want to be, because I'm in love with you. It took me some time to realize how I felt about you and what I feel for you is not because of the slayer connection. It's because I feel it deep in my heart," I say and I take her hand in mine. "Don't doubt us, please. Is this why you've been all avoid-y?"

"B-"

"Listen to me, Faith," I say and I move a little closer to her. "We're together because we are in love with each other and we spent so long fighting how we truly felt about each other that once we got together, it was like an explosion. It hit me hard, really hard and everything about it felt so right. I don't like you being all avoid-y. I want you in _our_ bed, in _our_ room at night. And I want you to talk to me about whatever is on your mind instead of staying closed off. And no, I know that's just how you are, but for a while there, you didn't have any of those walls up around you when it came to talking to me."

Faith looks a bit speechless and the tiniest of smiles flutters over her lips before she opens her mouth, looking like she's struggling to find the words she wants to say. I help her out with that by kissing her. I gently push her until she's on her back and I straddle her hips as I deepen the kiss. I moan as she slips her hands under my shirt and smooths her palms over my lower back.

"I love you, Faith," I say as I pull back from her lips for a second. "I love kissing you and I love how you make me feel when you touch me. I've missed everything about you, about us and I want it back."

Faith groans as I crush my lips against hers and grind my hips down as she slides her hands down to my ass. Resting some of my weight on one hand, I run my right over her side and up to her breast. She arches into my hand, moaning into my mouth as she grips my ass, pulling me against her again. I move my hand slowly down her body and cup her over her jeans. She pulls back from my lips, panting as I rub her a little bit harder.

"Fuck," she sighs and she closes her eyes, her hips moving as I continue to rub her through her jeans. "That feels good, B."

The odds are we'll end up being caught down here at some point or another, but right now I could care less about that. I need her and I don't want to wait any longer to have her the way I've been craving her for far too long now. I stand up slowly and reach out for her hand, pulling her up slowly. Neither of us say a word as I lead her over to the cot and pull the sheet she rigged up for a "wall" around the cot. I let go of her hand and place a finger over her lips before she can speak.

I slowly remove her shirt and before it hits the ground, my fingers are working on getting her belt undone. When I start to slide her tight jeans down, she's tugging on my shirt and I lift my arms, allowing her to take it off quickly. Faith steps out of her jeans and pulls me flush against her, kissing me hard and deep. She has me out of my jeans in a flash and all done without breaking our heated kiss. I take control and push her down on the cot.

"Stay," I say in a hushed whisper when she moves to get back up. I remove my bra and panties, watching her drink in the sight of me before her.

She looks like she's holding her breath as I step between her legs and kneel on the cold, hard cement floor. I slowly run my hands up her smooth, muscular thighs and grab the waistband of her black thong. She lifts up as I tug on it and I make sure I take my time sliding the thong down her legs. Faith is breathing heavily as I lightly trail my fingers up her legs and spread them. She leans back, opening herself up to me and I lean in, placing a soft kiss on her wet pussy, dipping my tongue inside her hole, teasing her before I begin the slow task of kissing my way up her body.

Faith has already removed her bra and I purposely avoid her breasts, my lips on one mission and that is to kiss her. I know going slow is driving her crazy right now, but I also know she's loving every second of it. She grabs my hips and pulls me flush on top of her as our tongues dance wildly together. I can feel her all over me and god, I've missed feeling this, feeling her, inside and out.

"Not afraid we're gonna get caught?" Faith whispers and she moves her lips along my jaw and down to my neck.

"No."

"Gonna be able to stay quiet?"

"No."

We both laugh as she looks up at me and smiles. "Fuck, I'm sorry, B. After everything...I couldn't deal. Didn't know how to. Shouldn't have shut you out like that."

"Don't ever do it again."

"Or what?" Faith asks teasingly. "You gonna spank me for being bad?"

I raise an eyebrow at that. Faith gives me a nice slap across the ass before flipping us over quickly. We've never really been too kinky in bed, aside from the strap-on. I know Faith likes it rough, but spanking? I'm definitely not down for that and she knows it.

"In all seriousness," she continues when I just lay there, my hands at my sides and my lips closed tightly as I fight off my own smile. "Ya didn't deserve having me shut ya out like that. Don't know how to make up for that."

I arch my body into hers and she bites her lower lip. "This helps."

"Oh yeah?"

"Oh yeah," I grin and I wrap my arms around her. "It's a nice way to start. Got a long way to go, so you might wanna skip talking all together and put that mouth of yours to a much better use."

"Fuck, you're something else, B."

I slap her ass and she laughs before capturing my lips in an soft and sweeter kiss than I expected. Everything just seems to melt away as our bodies move together. I expect her to keep with the slow pace I've set, but then again this is Faith and she's likely more worked up than I am right now. In true Faith fashion, she descends down my body quickly, placing soft, feather-light kisses along my stomach before she spreads my legs. She moans as I do when she licks the length of my pussy and I almost cum at the feel of her tongue against me.

I bite my lip, trying to stay quiet as Faith slowly circles her tongue over my throbbing clit. My right hand goes to her head, fingers instantly becoming lost in the thick confines of her lush, wavy brown hair. The warm buzz I always feel whenever we're so close like this is already coursing through my body, sending shockwaves of pleasure through me in time to my racing heart.

Arching my back, I try not to squeeze my legs together, but Faith's tongue is hitting all the right spots right now. I can't hold back anymore and I let out a breathy moan, my orgasm trembling out of me, releasing all that tension that's been building inside me for ages now.

Faith crawls up my body and settles her weight on me, her lips capturing mine in a heated kiss. I run my fingers through her hair when she pulls back and we just stare into each other's eyes, both smiling so much it almost hurts.

But reality comes crashing down when the basement door opens and Dawn calls down for me. I groan and tell her I'll be right up. Faith doesn't say a word, just delivers a sweet kiss before we quickly get dressed. She's about to head upstairs first, but I pull her into my arms and kiss her again. God, I really did miss this.

* * *

><p>Faith is fidgeting while we wait in the living room for Giles to join us. I asked Dawn to take all the potentials down into the basement for a little while. The less ears we have around us while Faith tells the others what Roman had done to her, the better. I take a seat next to her and she stands up quickly. She's nervous. I take her hand and pull her back down on the couch.<p>

"It's okay," I whisper and she nods slowly.

"What's going on, you guys?" Willow asks from where she and Tara are sitting on the arm chair, Tara perched on the arm with her arm around Willow's shoulders.

"Must be something big," Xander replies. "Where is Giles?"

"Dealing with Andrew," Tara replies. "He has Andrew up in our room going over some texts he needs translated and Andrew is being difficult."

"Figures," Faith mutters under her breath just as Giles walks into the living room looking rather flustered.

"That boy has the will to drive one completely mad in a matter of minutes," Giles grumbles and he stands by the fireplace, promptly removing his glasses and places them in the front pocket of his shirt. "What is this meeting all about? Where are the girls?"

"With Dawn in the basement," I reply and I keep a hold of Faith's hand when I feel her about to get up and keep her sitting right here with me. "There's something you all need to know. Faith has something she needs to tell you."

"Uh," she clears her throat and lets go of my hand. She doesn't get up and instead she cracks her knuckles, one by one. "Like I told Buffy when I told her, I'm kind of shaky on the details. Uh, when I took off to LA, Roman got a hold of me. I was so outta it and under his spell, and I remember not knowing why I wasn't fighting back. He had me tied up in some dank basement and he killed me and brought me back to life. Called it a controlled death. Even had a doctor there to bring me back to life and shit."

"Good lord, Faith. Why haven't you told us this before?"

"Don't know, Giles. Didn't know if it was just some fucked up nightmare 'cause I kept dreaming about it, but I knew it wasn't when the First appeared to Buffy wearing my body."

All eyes are on me now. I look at the others and they're in shock. Anya, she's been strangely quiet the whole time which is so not like her at all. Giles looks like he's thinking hard, already jumping to conclusions and cooking up answers to the hundreds of questions I know he has.

I tell them what the First had said to me about Roman now playing his own game and how Roman was no longer batting for the First's team now. I told them what the First offered me, a chance to kill Roman once and for all, good for us, good for the First took since it is exactly what it wants right now for Roman to be out of the game. I even tell them what the catch is, that I take out Roman and the First gives us time to become more prepared for the coming days ahead.

Faith doesn't seem so nervous anymore as she jumps right into the conversation, telling the others how we think that Roman is trying to activate slayers by doing what he did to Faith, controlling their death and moving on to the next one.

"You're telling me that the First gave you a chance to kill Roman?" Xander asks and I nod my head. "And why aren't you taking that opportunity, Buffy? He has completely screwed us over, Faith more than anyone else. If I could do it myself, I would."

"Bloody hell," Giles mutters and he rubs his temples. "If this is indeed the case, we must find the newly called slayer before Roman does."

"Don't you think it's a good thing that he's doing this?" Anya asks. "I mean, he's activating slayers and not letting the last one stay dead. Maybe he wants us to win this thing?"

"Win? So he can go back to doing what he does best, torturing and controlling and ruining our lives?" Faith snaps. "Whatever. I vote we hunt him down and kill him."

"Willow, can you get in touch with Selwyn or Althenea and see if they can have their seer track down this newly called slayer for us?"

"On it," Willow says and she heads into the kitchen to make the phone call.

"I thought we had all the potentials here with us?" I ask Giles and he shakes his head no.

"Some, not all. Just the ones who are closer to the age of being called. The First and its Harbingers aren't targeting the ones under the age of thirteen that we know of."

"How many of them are out there?"

"Hundreds, if not thousands," he replies sadly. "And by my last account, there were still almost a hundred girls within age that we have been unable to locate."

I try to let that information soak in. Hundreds, if not thousands of potential slayers out there, most of them who have no idea what really goes bump in the night and that there is a war starting here in Sunnydale. There's just so much to take in, so much happening, but I know where we have to start. We need to find the newly called slayer and bring her here to Sunnydale and then we need to find Roman and kill him.

But not before I let Faith have her hand in torturing him a little bit. He deserves nothing less than that and a quick death is too easy on him.

I know the only way we'll be able to track down Roman is to lure him back to Sunnydale and that'll take bringing the new slayer here. I rub my temples slowly before I rise to my feet. I look down at Faith, over at Xander and Anya, then to Tara before I look at Giles.

"I have a plan," I say and Willow comes into the living room, taking her seat in the chair. "We're going to locate this new slayer, bring her here to Sunnydale. Roman without a doubt will follow her here. We need to bait him, surround him, chain him up somewhere and torture him."

"Buffy, this isn't a good idea-"

"No, Will, he deserves to die a slow and painful death and I'll make sure he does. I don't care that this is what the First has asked me to do. We wanted Roman dead long before we knew he was once a player for the First Evil. This is what we're going to do and if the First keeps its word on giving us more time, then so be it. We'll take it. And if not, we'll figure it out."

Faith stands at my side and smiles at me, turning to the others and smiling confidently. Giles looks perplexed, but after he thinks for a moment and smiles at me, I know he's all for this plan. I look to Xander and he gives me a little nod. All I need is for Willow and Tara to be in on this. I could care less if Anya is or not.

Tara gives me a nod with a small smile and she turns to Willow, giving her a little nudge. With a sigh, Willow nods and I smile at all of them.

We're back in the game now, completely. And I for one am not backing down. Not for a second.


	58. Chapter 58

**Chapter Fifty-Eight**

With everything going on, I barely even noticed that it's almost Christmas. How did we just forget when Thanksgiving rolled around? How did we lose track of the days the way we have? Faith's birthday is tomorrow, I just realized that this morning, but I'm sure she's forgotten all about it.

At least we have power in the house again. Thanks to Andrew and Xander going down to the power company and "borrowing" a powerful generator. It's funny how you don't know how much you take for granted because it's always been there until it's gone, just like that.

I'm out with a group of the girls and we're patrolling through Restfield. Spike has taken it upon himself to tag along. He's been quiet, so I haven't told him off yet. Just makes me wish that Faith was here instead of back at the house, keeping a look out in case demons or Harbingers decide to go after the girls I left behind. In the two hours we've been out here, we've come across one vampire. One. And it wasn't one of the girls or me who staked it, it was Spike, trying to prove his worth around here.

"This is boring," Rona moans as she hops up onto a wide tombstone. "Why are we still out here?"

"Because when you're a slayer, just because there's a few slow hours, doesn't mean everything will be safe and sound for the rest of the night."

"There's nothing here!" Rona replies. "The vamps and demons all skipped town just like all the normal, sane people have."

"Explain the vamp that Spike slayed," Vi cuts in. "We were taught that if there's one, there's always more."

"Then where the hell are they?"

I shake my head as I watch the two continue bickering. Spike stands next to me, lighting a cigarette and shrugs when I turn to look at him.

"Children. What do they know," he mutters.

"More than they did when they first got here," I reply. "They need to step up, get serious about this. Some of them think this is a joke, that what we're going to eventually face is just a story cooked up to give them nightmares."

"Want me to round up a few rowdy vamps, give the girls a good show? Wake them up a bit?"

I laugh dryly. But, it does seem like a good idea. For a split second. I narrow my eyes at Spike before I storm over to the girls, placing myself between Vi and Rona before they come to blows. The other girls stay out of it, several of them grabbing on to Rona when she tries to take a swing at Vi.

I lead them through the cemetery without a word, most of them too scared to be left behind so they make sure they keep up whether they are instructed to or not. Spike tails behind the group, keeping Rona in check by having a little talk with her. While I appreciate him trying to help, he really grates on my nerves acting like he's truly a part of this and that we need him here. In theory, yes we need him. Doesn't hurt to have a third who is stronger than most. But his influence on some of the girls, I'm not so sure having him around is good for them.

Good for them in a sense that some of them believe, just a little, that not all vampires are bad. Spike is different. Not that different, but he's harmless. Not all of them know about Angel, especially the ones that I left back at the house that weren't here when Angel was here helping us track down Faith.

It's only been a few weeks since Faith told the others about Roman performing a controlled death on her, all just to activate another slayer. We weren't even a hundred percent sure that was his intent until Selwyn contacted Willow a few days after with an estimated location of the girl. Giles left the day after that, heading out on the first flight out of LA to Tokyo where the girl was last traced by the coven's seer. All this waiting is driving me crazy, actually. We don't know if Roman has gotten to her yet or not. Giles won't be coming back empty handed and he's taken Kennedy with him, thinking if she is there, she can help convince this girl to return with them to Sunnydale.

I stop in my tracks when I see Faith running through the cemetery, headed straight for us. I know this isn't a good sign, not if it's something that made her leave the house. The other girls look alarmed and Spike moves to stand at my side. And then I see it, the thing that is chasing Faith.

I've seen it before. In my dreams-or rather in my nightmares.

"Run!" Faith yells as she gets closer.

"Spike, take the girls and get out of here!" I yell at him and he wastes no time leading the girls away as quickly as he can.

I run with Faith and she's panting hard as we both keep up the fast pace, dodging trees and tombstones as we try to outrun this thing.

"Where the hell did that come from?" I pant and Faith just grabs my hand and pulls me into a mausoleum and slams the door shut. "Faith, what the hell is going on?"

"Was out for a smoke and this thing just appeared. Figured the best thing I could do was get it away from the house and held out hope it'd chase me down after I hit it a little," she replies in a whisper, panting hard as she feels along the far wall. "That thing ain't like anything I've ever seen before. What the fuck is it? 'Cause whatever it is, it's fucking strong and when I staked it, it didn't do anything. Barely slowed the bastard down."

"I don't know, but I don't want to stick around to find out," I reply and I stand next to her. "What are you doing, Faith?"

"This has a sewer entrance," she replies quickly as we hear heavy footsteps and growling approaching the mausoleum quickly. "It's our only way out."

"We're _not_ running."

"B, that thing ain't going down no matter how hard you fight it. Better to play it safe and-"

"Since when do we run?"

"Uh-"

I spot an axe on the ground, it's rusty and the blade is dull, but with a little strength, it can still be efficient. I pick it up and stand my ground as the thing chasing us starts breaking down the wood door.

"The only way we can stop this thing, is to fight it and kill it."

Faith grunts and pulls out her stake from inside her jacket. She looks down at it and laughs a little before searching around the mausoleum for a more efficient weapon. Finding nothing, she braces herself, ready to fight regardless.

The door smashes in and the thing, demon or vampire or a little of both-whatever it is comes rushing in, snarling and growling. I duck when it swings it's hand at me and I use the momentum to swing the axe at it's legs. I miss and I'm back on my feet, kicking it from behind as it closes in on Faith. It gets in a few hard punches that send her stumbling back and it turns its attention back to me.

I swing again with the axe only to have it wrenched from my hands. It's punch lands hard on my face and I've never been hit that hard before. Not ever. Panic washes over me, but it's fleeting. I'm angry and I charge at it, missing the opportunity to duck as it lands another punch to my cheek.

"B, we gotta bail."

"Crap," I groan, trying to clear the dizziness from my head. I barely take a step before it picks me up and throws me against the hard stone wall.

"B!" Faith yells and the thing turns its attention back to her, growling lowly as it stalks her. I can barely move, just barely, but I get to my feet. "Buffy, _run_!"

"Not without you," I gasp out. My stomach churns as it gets in a few more punches before she manages to stumble away from it. "Come on, Faith."

Together we get out of the mausoleum and make a run-a painful run towards the cemetery entrance. I keep looking back and its follows us until we make it to the street. I can't see it or hear it anymore, but I know we're not out of the woods yet. We stop running and I fall to my knees, tasting blood from my split lip and my whole body feels like it's been crushed.

Faith doesn't look any better, her left eye is swollen shut, her nose is definitely broken and the welt on her cheek is swollen and already sporting a nasty, deep purple bruise. I feel over my ribs and know at least two are broken from being thrown into the wall. With the last of my strength, I get back up to my feet, nearly falling again but Faith catches me and holds me up.

The sound of squealing tires makes me look down the road and into the headlights like a scared deer. My head is spinning, the pain I'm feeling is a little too much and the sound of the breaks squealing to a stop nearly makes me pass out.

"Get in!" Xander yells and Faith moves quickly, practically dragging me over to his car. We just get in before the thing chasing us reappears, jumping onto the hood of the car and crouching, snarling at us through the window shield. "What the hell is that?" Xander yells out, quickly putting the car in reverse and slams his foot on the gas.

"Just get us the hell outta here!" Faith yells as she holds on to me in the backseat. "B, you okay?"

"No."

"Me neither. Knew we should've just run when we had the chance."

"Should've listened to you. I'm sorry," I frown and I gulp back the tears of regret, of pain as Xander spins the car around and drives off, leaving the thing chasing after us.

We make it back to the house, having lost that thing somewhere along the way all thanks to Xander's evasive driving tactics. Faith helps me into the house and gently puts me down on the couch. The girls that are in there are looking at us like they're completely terrified. I look around the room, looking for the girls who had been out on patrol with me. I don't see any of them or Spike.

"Where are they?" I ask Dawn and she shrugs. "Spike was supposed to bring them back."

"What happened, Buffy?"

"We were attacked and chased down by some kind of demon, only it looked more like a vampire," Faith replies for me. "Whatever it was, I ain't seen anything like it before. Between the two of us, we couldn't even put a dent in that thing."

I gasp as I run my fingers over my ribs. Two are definitely broken, one sprained. I get up from the couch and Faith is right at my side.

"Let's go get you fixed up, B," Faith says softly and she leads me into the kitchen where our main first aid kit is under the kitchen sink. "Damn, you're really messed up," Faith says when I wince in pain as soon as she lets go of me. "Rib broken?"

"Two, I think."

Faith makes quick work in wrapping my midsection up so that my ribs will set and begin to heal properly. She takes some gauze and gently dabs at the cuts on my forehead, cheek, and lip, the blood already drying, the cuts already slowly beginning to heal. When she goes to clear away the bloody gauze, I stop her and rip open a new package and make sure I give her the same attention as she just gave me, carefully dabbing the drying blood on her forehead and lip, careful not to touch her badly bruised cheek.

I smile a little at her as she gently cups my face in her hands and leans in, placing the softest kiss on my lips before pulling back and cleaning up the mess. I run my hands over my sore ribs and now that they're properly wrapped, the pain isn't nearly as bad anymore. Perks of slayer healing.

"Ya want me to go out and look for the girls and Spike?" Faith asks once the first aid kit is back under the sink.

"No, not with that thing out there. We just have to hope that Spike has gotten them somewhere safe. I won't sit here and watch you put your life at risk for the second time tonight."

"No, you won't sit here and let me go look for them 'cause your not exactly in tip top shape to come with me," Faith replies, a sharp tone to her voice. "Whatever, B. Ya wanna sit tight and wait for them? By all means."

I groan and make my way into the dining room where Andrew is sitting at the table, flipping quickly through one of the books that even I know has a lot of references to centuries old demons. I ease myself down into one of the chairs and look over at Faith as she walks into the dining room carrying a couple bottles of water.

"If I showed you some pictures, would you be able to identify what you faced tonight?" Andrew asks and I sigh. He's turning into a mini-Giles, that's for sure. "Buffy?"

"Yes."

Andrew starts showing me pictures of demons, each one uglier than the last, but none of them are what was out there tonight. Faith pulls a chair close to me and sits down, sipping her water as she peers over at the book Andrew is flipping through.

"Yo, stop right there," Faith says as she places her hand down on the book. "That's our baddie."

I look at the illustrated picture, nodding slowly at Andrew and he pulls the book towards him and begins reading the text beside it. His eyes go wide and he looks over at both of us. I wait for him to speak, but he looks a bit flustered. Faith snaps her fingers in front of his face, snapping him out of it.

"What is that thing and how do we kill it?" Faith asks him.

"It's called a Turok-Han. One of the oldest vampires and one, from what the text reads, to be believed as a myth," Andrew replies. "It's basically one of the first vampires ever created, more pure of a demon than the vampires you are used to slaying."

"But can we kill it?" Faith asks him impatiently and he nods his head yes. "How? Buffy staked the thing and it didn't go poof."

"I-I don't know. I'll have to do some more research. Boy, I wish Mr. Giles was here. I bet he knows more about these Turok-Han than I ever will and-and I don't even know where to start looking!"

"Research party?" Willow asks as she and Tara enter the room hand in hand.

"Research party."

"What are we researching?" Anya asks a few moments later after Willow and Tara take their usual seats and start going through some of the books that are already scattered over the table.

"Turok-Han," Andrew replies and Anya rolls her eyes. "She's doing it again!"

"Doing what again?" Anya asks and she scoffs when Andrew doesn't answer her. "You won't find anything about the Turok-Han in any of these old dusty books. These are original vampires and were here long before humans were. There won't be any reliable information on them other than what appears to be nothing more than a myth."

Anya tells us how she knows about them, heard stories of them from back in her demon days. They are vulnerable to sunlight and they can be staked, just need a longer, harder stake than the ones we normally use. She tells us that while they are the first vampires, they share similar strengths and weaknesses, holy water and crosses definitely not one of their weaknesses.

She stops speaking when the front door opens and the girls with Spike in tow walk into the house, worn out from running it looks like, but they are okay. None of them have a scratch on them. I sigh in relief and get up slowly, moving towards the group of girls to take a closer look, just to make sure they really are okay.

"Where have you been?" I ask, my question directed at Spike who is standing in the open doorway, looking out. "Spike?"

"Took them to my old crypt, hid out there a while. Figured we couldn't stay there long and took them through the tunnels. Ran into a couple of rowdy vamps I fought off after I told the girls to run. They got lost down there. You know what a maze it is-"

"Spike-"

"They're safe, Buffy. That's all that matters, isn't it?" Spike asks, growling as he steps inside and shuts the door. "Looks like you had it rough. That bugger dead?"

"Hardly."

"Ya know what it is?" Spike asks, nodding towards the others in the dining room.

"Yes. Turok-Han."

"Myth."

"You saw it tonight with your own eyes, Spike. It's _not_ a myth."

I return to the dining room, taking my seat next to Faith. Anya is still talking, telling the others all that she knows about the Turok-Han, occasionally calling them übervamps. I'm so tired, so sore, I feel my thoughts fading in and out.

I keep thinking about how this Turok-Han is here, especially after Anya tells us that it hasn't been on earth for thousands of years, rumoured to have been banished to Hell, trapped beyond the dozens of Seal's around the world. If it was trapped, that means only one thing. The Seal was opened, if even just briefly. I say briefly because if it was open, we would know and there'd be hundreds and thousands of these things overrunning Sunnydale right now.

Before I can even bring it up, Willow is already discussing how the only way an ancient vampire that's been banished to Hell could escape, so to speak, is for the Seal to have been successfully opened. Spike is out the door before anyone can add their own input to the conclusion. I stop Faith before she can follow him, shaking my head and mouthing no, much to her dislike. I don't want her out there running around when that Turok-Han is out there. We barely got away earlier and if it hadn't been for Xander showing up when he did...well, I don't even want to think what could've happened to us.

She's not happy, but she doesn't say a word about it. I know a part of her knows that going out there and tagging along with Spike isn't the best idea right now even if she's in better fighting shape than I am.

We're in for a very long night tonight. It makes me wish that Giles was here right now with us, helping us figure this out and helping us come up with a plan. Any kind of plan.

* * *

><p>Faith and I are laying in bed. The sun rose just an hour ago and after arguing with Willow, the two of us gave in to her orders to get some rest while they continued with research. Spike never came back last night after he took off and it's bugging me that he hasn't come back. I don't know what's happened to him and a part of me doesn't care, but another part of me does because he is a part of our team, fighting the good fight right along our side, being as annoying as ever, yet helpful in some few smalls ways. But even as tired as I am, I just can't seem to fall asleep and from the looks of things, neither can Faith.<p>

"You think we'll get through this?" Faith whispers.

"I hope so."

"How you feeling?"

"Not much better."

"Sleep helps."

"If only I could fall asleep," I chuckle dryly. "What if we can't fight that Turok-Han, Faith?"

"We'll find a way, B. We always do."

"I just want this to be over."

"Me too."

Faith pulls me into her arms gently. I take a few deep breaths as I lay my head on her shoulder. I really did miss this with her, the way she'd just hold me and make everything feel like it's going to be all right. I close my eyes, trying to get my mind to stop racing long enough to fall asleep. I can hear the others downstairs and the girls talking as they begin to wake up.

Faith is softly running her fingers up and down my arm. It's soothing and it's making me feel more relaxed than I have in a few days. The more she does it, the more I feel the pull of sleep tugging at me. I feel her place a soft kiss on my forehead and I sigh, breathing in her scent and basking in the warmth of her arms, the softness of her body

"It's your birthday today, Faith," I say and I feel her shift uncomfortably. "I can't believe how much time has passed and how we just seemed to forget about everything that used to matter."

"All just trivial things, B."

"Your birthday is not trivial," I say, looking up at her. "Happy birthday, Faith."

"Don't know about the happy part, but thanks, B."

I move slowly until I'm mostly laying on her even though it's a bit uncomfortable with my ribs still not fully healed. I run a finger over her lips, her jaw and stare deep into her eyes. I kiss her, softly at first, but it turns into more when she gently wraps her arms around me and slips her tongue past my slightly parted lips. It doesn't last long, not when the pain shoots through my whole body when I rest my weight on my bad side.

Faith doesn't stop kissing me as she carefully moves me until I'm laying on my back and she's at my side, her body pressed against my right side. She's being cautious, trying to get as close as she can to me without hurting me. These small moments make it feel like all that we've been through, together and apart, has never even happened.

"We should probably get some sleep, B," Faith whispers against my lips.

"Mmm, in a minute."

Faith laughs before I pull her back in for another kiss. I wish we could just spend the rest of the day, just like this, me and her in our bed and forget about the rest of the world and all the problems that come with it. Faith ends our kiss abruptly and it takes me a few seconds to realize why. I listen and I can hear Giles' voice downstairs.

"Looks like he's back," Faith says. She gets off the bed and stretches, making my eyes roam over her body languidly as she does. "Should probably head down there."

"Yeah..."

"You feeling up to it, B? I'll cover for ya if ya just wanna try to get some sleep. Definitely need it if ya wanna get those ribs all healed up."

She's right. She knows it and I know it. I don't protest, I just reach out for her, wanting one more kiss before she heads downstairs. Faith delivers the sweetest kiss that leaves me buzzing and wanting more, but she leaves before I can get any more of those sweet kisses out of her.

She's been a bit adamant about us, but she's getting better. I know she still feels like she has a lot to make up for after everything that happened, but I keep trying to forget about it and get past that. It's not that easy for her and I know I have to learn to accept that.

I lay there and listen to the voices downstairs. I'm so tired, too tired to make out everything as clearly as I should be able to.

I lay there and stare at the ceiling, tuning out the world around me. I keep thinking about the Turok-Han we faced, how we just barely managed to get away. I keep wondering how it managed to come out of Hell and why is it only one and not hundreds of thousands of them? The First is planning something far bigger than any of us could imagine, even in our wildest nightmares. But I know what the First is planning.

A full out war and its soldiers? Hundreds and thousands of Turok-Han.

I groan and pull the pillow over my head. We're going to need to figure out a way to fight them before we go into this war. The girls? They may be potential slayers, but they're just girls. Humans. Now that there's three slayers, three plus one vamp and an army of trained potentials is not enough.

It's not nearly enough. Not even close.


	59. Chapter 59

**Author's Notes: There is a good chance I'll be updating every day until this is complete. Would love to hear your thoughts, guys :)**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Fifty-Nine<strong>

I don't know if I like her. The new slayer, that is. After I slept for a few short hours, I joined the others downstairs in the dining room. Giles, with the help of Willow and Faith, were in the middle of bringing the new slayer up to speed on all that has been happening and when I walked in, she looked nothing short of terrified out of her mind.

Her name is Satsu and although she was born and raised in Tokyo, her English is excellent, as Giles pointed out needlessly. She's barely eighteen years old, and as Giles had told us, she is one of the oldest slayers ever to be called. Something about her bugs me though. Maybe it's the way she keeps looking at me or the way that slayer connection feels with her here now. It's not like what I feel with Faith, it's fainter and I don't like the buzz it gives me. Then again, I never liked it years ago when Faith first came to Sunnydale either.

At least I feel a lot better than I did earlier, injury wise, not worried wise. That has to count for something, doesn't it?

Now that Giles is back and has all the details of mine and Faith's encounter with the single Turok-Han, he's been in research mode as have the rest of us. I'm not interested in the book that Giles thrust in my hands about an hour ago. I keep looking to the window, waiting for sundown. Spike hasn't returned and I know he'll likely come after the sun has set. I'm dying to know what he's found out at the school and my various phone calls to Robin Wood have gone unanswered, my messages ignored it seems.

Faith sighs loudly, stretching in her chair and making my eyes drink in the sight of her. God, she's so sexy even when she's not trying to be. She closes the book she has in front of her and casually drapes an arm over my shoulders.

"What do ya say we take a break, B?"

"A-a break?"

"Spur of the moment training session with some of the girls and Satsu out in the backyard before sundown," she replies and looks over at Satsu, grinning at her. I know what that grin means. Faith just threw Satsu a challenge I know she has no idea what'll come of it.

Even though I know Faith wants to challenge Satsu, see what kind of skills she has and if she's just as good as us or better, I also know it's not a good idea. Tempting, but not a good idea. Not now.

But Faith has ideas of her own and she's already up and gathering a few of the girls and ushering Satsu out the back door. Giles surprises me by closing the book in front of him and following Faith and the girls into the backyard. I sigh heavily and join them out there, Willow and Tara following close behind. I stay on the back deck and lean on the railing as I watch Faith instruct some of the girls to form a circle around her and Satsu. And poor Satsu looks scared out of her mind and she should. She has no idea what she's up against when it comes to Faith.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Willow asks. She's standing next to me, her eyes on the new slayer. "This isn't a good idea."

"I know, but you try telling Faith that," I reply, chuckling when Willow shakes her head no.

"You know why she's doing this, right?"

"She's challenging the new girl," I reply softly. "This really isn't the greatest idea, but you know Faith. Once she gets something in her head, she does it and nobody can really stop her."

"If it gets out of hand..." Willow trails off and our attention turns back to Faith and Satsu, both of them now circling each other, ready to fight. "You'll be able to stop them, right?"

I nod and watch as Faith makes the first move, a classic Faith move of faking a right hook punch and sweeping Satsu's legs out from under her. But Satsu is quick to get back up on her feet and she moves fluidly, sporting moves I've never seen before. It's actually impressive. Faith doesn't like being thrown off her game and I can see the anger flickering in her dark eyes even over the short distance.

"Someone has a crush," Willow whispers to me and I look at her, confused. "Kennedy," she clarifies and nods over in Kennedy's direction. "She's definitely crushing on Satsu right now."

"Oh."

Giles is enjoying this brash display of who is the better slayer far more than I thought he would. He's right there cheering along with the girls each time one of them bests the other. I keep my eyes on Faith, watching every move she makes. Just watching her has me heating up and I try to keep those feelings from stirring up. Now is not the time for sexy Faith thoughts.

Faith is growing more and more frustrated by the second. If I know her as well as I like to believe I do, she's pissed off she hasn't been able to take the new slayer down by now.

"Come on, kid, give me your best," Faith laughs, effortlessly dodging a side kick from Satsu.

"How about you give me _your_ best?" Satsu quips. "Or are you just starting to feel old now, Faith?"

I raise and eyebrow and Willow chuckles as Satsu looses ground and ends up face first on the grass with Faith on her back pinning her down. The anger that was so clear in Faith eyes just minutes ago is gone and she lets out a victory cry when Satsu surrenders.

"You're quick and good," Faith says to Satsu, holding a hand down to help her to her feet. "You've had some training, haven't you?"

"I had a Watcher in Tokyo," Satsu replies. "She was brilliant but she passed a few years ago. I continued training alone, using her textbooks to guide me."

"Pretty much self-taught then. I like that," Faith grins and she slaps Satsu on the back. "Good to have ya here, Sushi."

"Satsu."

"Whatever," Faith chuckles and she walks over to me. "She's got spunk," she says, hooking a thumb in Satsu's direction where she's now surrounded by the potentials asking her endless questions.

"What were you thinking challenging her like that, Faith?"

"Wanted to see what she's got, how quick she is, how strong she is, all that. She's not as strong as you, but she's got power behind those punches," Faith replies and she rubs the shoulder Satsu had managed to connect with. "Definitely bruised up good."

"Girls?" I say to the group still standing around Satsu. "Come on, let's head back inside. Fun is over for now. The sun is about to set and I don't want any of you out here when it does."

There are murmurs and mutterings of protest, but they all head back into the house, ushering Satsu in with them. I look over at Willow and she's staring up at the darkening sky, her mind clearly full of thoughts right now. I give her a little nudge in the shoulder and she turns her attention to me.

"We should get back to researching," Willow says softly. "Are you and Faith staying in tonight?"

"We are," I say before Faith can get a word in. "I don't think it's safe for either of us to be out there when we don't even know how to kill that über vamp."

We head inside and find Giles in the kitchen talking with Tara as they both sip some tea. They'd gone inside with the girls a few minutes ago. Willow moves to stand at Tara's side and they share a very brief but sweet kiss before Willow turns to the counter to the cup of tea that Tara had prepared for her. Faith is at my side, but she's not touching me or showing any kind of affection. I'm not bothered by it, I mean it's not like we're alone right now, but I can just feel that she wants to and is holding herself back.

"Spike should be back soon," Giles says as he checks his watch. "In the meantime, we should get back to researching. I've been going over that book you found in Roman's lair months ago and have come across some startling revelations we had previously missed."

"What revelations?" Willow asks.

"References to an army the world has not seen in thousands of years," he replies calmly. "Translating this book has been proven to be a long and tedious task and there have been a few translating errors we've gone back and corrected, which in turn have redefined what we thought we knew previously."

We all follow Giles into the dining room and I take my usual seat. Faith doesn't sit next to me, instead she is standing behind my chair. We listen as Giles reads a portion of the book he's translated to us, most of it not making complete sense, sounding more like broken english and random words thrown together. But one line stands out from the rest.

"And thus army shall defeat the ones who hold the power to fight evil and they will enslave, devour all that is good and pure, turning the world which was once theirs into their own where evil shall thrive for all eternity."

"Is it predicting victory?" Faith asks Giles and he takes a deep breath, shaking his head no. "Then what?"

"It is part of a much bigger prophecy, one with many events that tie into one."

"One we're living through right now, right?" Faith asks him and he sombrely nods his head. "Any info on the Turok-Han? How can we kill this thing?"

"They are not impervious to the same weapons that kill vampires. It'll just require bigger weapons, a different approach, and a little more strength and skill."

"That's all ya got?" Faith scoffs. "We need something better than that, Giles."

Giles groans, clearly as frustrated as we all are feeling right now when it comes to fighting and killing this Turok-Han. I'm just a little more worried about the possibility that there could be more than just one of them out there and if we had as much trouble facing one, two or more is going to create a huge problem. Bigger than huge.

"Uh guys?" Andrew says as he backs away from the dining room window. "We have a little problem."

"What is it, Andrew?" Giles asks tiredly.

"Über vamp headed this way!"

I leap up from the chair and follow Faith into the living room where the weapons chest is. I grab one of the bigger axe's and she grabs one of the swords. We're not in shape to fight this thing and I look to Satsu as she walks over to the weapons chest and pulls out a smaller sword.

"Three against one," Faith says quietly. "Think we'll get it this time?"

"We will," I nod. "Girls, get down to the basement, now!" I say to the potentials and they hurriedly race for the basement door. "Giles, I want you and the others downstairs with the girls. Go, now!"

Faith leads the way to the front door and we just stare at one another as the über vamp approaches the house, its steps slowing as it climbs the front steps. The wood on the porch creaks under it's feet and I look to Satsu and she looks downright scared, her olive skin pale and the fear in her eyes so clear.

I open the front door and move quickly, dodging out of the way of the über vamp's claws as it takes a swing at me. Faith is right behind me and she's swinging at its neck with her sword. But it moves quickly, almost anticipating every move that's made against it. But with the two of us, it doesn't quiet know which one to make a move for and I look at Satsu still inside, clutching onto the sword with both hands and staring at the Turok-Han in fear.

Faith takes another swing and this time I'm ready for the über vamp to dodge to its left out of the way. I swing at it's head with the axe and connect, just barely, clipping its pointed ear and slicing it right off. It roars as it clutches the right side of its head and turns to glare at me, growling and snarling at me as it takes a step towards me.

"Faith!" I yell out as it grabs me by the front of my shirt and grabs the hand I'm holding the axe in. It twists my arm until I'm forced to drop the axe.

"Come on, ya ugly fucker," Faith yells as she leaps on the Turok-Han's back, both hands wrapped around its meaty neck. "Hey, Sushi! Give us a hand yeah?"

I twist out of the grip it has on me and I throw a few hard punches to its stomach, groaning in pain as my fist collides. It feels like I just punched steel.

"Satsu! Help us!" I yell, dodging out of the way as the über vamp takes a swipe at me with one hand and the other is relentlessly trying to pry Faith's hands off its neck.

I slide down on my knees and grab the sword Faith had dropped when she jumped on its back and I swing at the back of its legs, the blade slicing through its left leg. It lets out a loud roar as it falls to the ground, tumbling down the front steps with Faith still on its back and her hands around its neck.

I can't seem to get a clear shot in, not while Faith wrestles with it on the front lawn. I look back to Satsu and she's standing in the doorway, seemingly in shock. What good is having a third slayer when she can't even _fight_?

Faith cries out as she's body slammed to the ground and the über vamp struggles to get up on one leg. Faith is clearly in pain and I know I can't worry about her, not right this second. I grip the sword tightly and glare at the über vamp. Its angry, beyond angry and it's clear it is in a lot of pain. I brace myself as it reaches out for me and I swing at its neck, hard.

The blade slices through its meaty neck, but not as easily as it should. I use a little more strength, pushing through the pain I'm feeling in my ribs that still have yet to heal and with one last push, the sword goes clean through its neck and it crumbles to dust.

"Damn, B!" Faith laughs as she gets to her feet. "That was awesome!"

"Whatever," I groan, dropping the sword to the ground and I clutch my still very broken ribs.

"You okay?"

"No," I sigh as Faith gently slips an arm around my waist and helps me up the steps. "Satsu, why didn't you fight?" I ask her as we walk inside. "You're a slayer. You don't just stand there and _watch_!"

"B-"

"No," I snap and push her away from me and I grab Satsu by the front of her shirt. "What is your problem, Satsu? Are you a slayer or are you a coward?"

"Buffy, I-I-"

"She choked, B," Faith says as she pulls me away from her.

"Have you ever faced a vampire before, Satsu?" I ask her and she nods her head yes slowly. "Then why didn't you help us?"

"I've never-I-" She gasps, a few tears sliding down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Buffy. It's just, I've never seen anything like _that_ before except in those nightmares I've been having since before I became a slayer."

"B, lay off her, alright?" Faith says gently and she kicks the front door shut. "She choked. No big deal, okay? We handled it. _You_ handled it. Killed the ugly bastard. That's all that matters, yeah?"

She's right, but it doesn't help me from being so angry at Satsu and her lack of action. If we're going into a war, we need her. I can't use a slayer who is a coward and chokes the moment she's needed to fight at our side. She had her chance to prove herself and she completely blew it!

I head into the kitchen and grab a bottle of water out of the fridge while Faith heads down to the basement to let the others know that the coast is clear-for now. Satsu is lingering in the doorway and every time I glance over at her, she looks away.

"That was the Turok-Han that Giles told me about earlier, wasn't it?" Satsu asks quietly, following me into the dining room but keeping her distance. "Buffy, I'm sorry I didn't fight with you and Faith."

"You need more training," I state, figuring there's probably no point in staying angry at her when I have other things to worry about. "I don't know how many more are out there and how many more we'll have to face in the coming days, but I need you to be prepared and whatever it made you feel, I need you to learn to use that to your ability and not let it drive you into being a coward."

"Okay," Satsu says quietly. "I'm sorry-"

"And stop apologizing. It's done."

"We got off on the wrong foot," Satsu says and I can't help but roll my eyes. That's an understatement. "I've read about you," she says as she sits at the table across from me. "My Watcher, she had some written notes on you, mostly from the Watcher's Diary that Giles kept until he was fired from the Council."

"Anything good?"

"A little bit of everything."

"Oh boy, I bet it was a good read," I chuckle. "What do you know?"

"That no slayer has ever been able to compare to you."

Am I blushing? I touch my cheeks and sigh, smiling at her. "Flattery will get you everywhere, Satsu. Just be careful with that."

"Because of Faith?" She asks and I cock my head to the side. "You and Faith, you're-you're together, aren't you?"

"How did you know that?"

"It's obvious," Satsu replies softly. "The way you two look at each other. I feel this vibe between you two, it's strong."

"Oh yeah?"

"That and Faith told me this morning that you and here are a thing."

"A thing?" I scoff and I can't help but laugh. "She seriously told you that?"

"I was asking her some questions and she answered," Satsu replies with a shrug. "There was nothing in the notes I read about you that said you are...gay. It kind of took me by surprise."

Faith chose that exact moment to breeze into the dining room and she sits down next to me, smiling as she leans in for a brief little kiss.

"Are you two bonding?" Faith asks, smiling over at Satsu who looks a little bit uncomfortable being in the dining room alone with us. "Got over your little spat already? That'a girl, B."

"Faith..."

"Sushi isn't so bad, you know?" She continues and she winks at her before turning to look at me. "I'm thinking with a bit of training, she'll be ready for whatever comes next. What do ya think?"

I roll my eyes and take a quick glance at Satsu before looking at Faith. "I think that's the plan for tomorrow. Training."

"Spike come around yet?" She asks and I shake my head no. "Damn. Don't ya think we should go out there and look for him?"

"Spike can handle himself."

"What if he can't?"

"We're not going out there looking for him."

"Looking for who?" Spike asks as he comes into the dining room from the kitchen. "Who is this?"

"I am Satsu, a vampire slayer," she says, standing up as Spike saunters his way over to her.

"Oh bloody hell, another one?"

Spike is pretty quiet while we wait for the others to join us. The only one missing is Dawn, but I'd rather her not hear any of this and stay with the girls. Spike tells us what he discovered down in the school basement. He stumbled across a dozen demons in the middle of a ritual, one that opens the Seal for a brief period of time. He tells us how he stopped them, killing all but one and assuring us that the Seal did not open as they were trying to get it to.

Spike lights a cigarette, listening to the dozens of questions Giles and Willow are asking him, mostly about the demons he had encountered. He's surprisingly calm despite the fading bruises on his face. When Giles and Willow finish asking him their questions, he stubs his cigarette out in the empty cup of tea that's in front of him and cracks his knuckles, one by one.

"What happened to the demon you didn't kill?" Willow asks and he takes a deep, unneeded breath and exhales.

"Spent the better part of the day torturing the bugger," he replies calmly. "Refused to talk for a few hours, but most demons just don't give it up that easily. Turns out he's a half-breed and the ones I killed were part of his family. Little bit more torture and he told me who him and his family were working for."

"Who?" I ask him. "Roman?"

"At one point, yes, they were working for Roman 'til our boy decided to take things into his own hands, follow his own plan and defy the prophecy that was written long ago about the First Evil."

From the look in Spike's eyes, I know he's not telling us everything and my patience is starting to wear thin. I look at Faith and she drapes her arm around my shoulders and she's glaring right at Spike, warning him with just a look not to keep dragging this out and to give us the answers we need right now.

"These demons, they were ordered by the First to open the Seal at certain intervals," Spike continues. "He wouldn't tell me anything more other than that."

"How were they opening the Seal, Spike?" Giles asks. "Was it a human?"

"Yeah. He was dead by the time I got down there. Drained the bugger dry," Spike replies.

"And the Seal was not opened when you discovered upon this group of demons?"

"I already told you it wasn't, didn't I?"

"Interesting," Giles muses. "The Seal needs blood to open. If this fellow was drained and the Seal was not opened, there has to be another factor in place, one that we haven't discovered yet."

"They need stronger blood," Spike says. "All I got outta him before I snapped his neck was that him and his clan were going to come after the Slayers next. Better be damned I made sure that bloody well isn't going to happen."

"Interesting," Giles says again and he pulls out one of the heavier books from under a pile of papers in front of him. "Willow, Tara? If you two will assist me in researching more about this ritual, it'd be much appreciated. Spike? If you will, explain to me what part of the ritual you saw before you eliminated the demons performing it. Were there any symbols on this human, on themselves that you saw of?"

"Do we gotta stay?" Faith asks Giles and he looks up from the book he's thumbing through.

"A few more pairs of eyes to help with research would be-"

"I'll stay," Andrew pipes up, a little more cheerfully than he should be right now. "Buffy and Faith need their rest. Their injuries won't heal quickly if they don't."

I mouth "thank you" at Andrew as Faith helps me get up from my chair. She leads the way to the stairs. Faith practically carries me up the stairs and I let her, enjoying the attention from her and milking it a little bit. I have no shame about that. The more time I get to spend with her-preferably alone-the more time we have to get back to a good place between us.

I know that my relationship with Faith should be the last thing that I worry about, but I can't help it. I just want things to be perfect between us again, or at least as close to perfect as it can be when it comes to us.

Plus I know she's feeling a bit worked up after fighting that über vamp. I'm not gonna lie, I am too.

"Anything I can do for ya, B?" Faith asks once we're in my room. "Need something to help with the pain or something?"

"I'll be okay."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure," I smile at her and I take both her hands in mine. "I'm just relieved we don't have to sit through another night of research."

"Gotta thank Andy for getting us outta it," she chuckles. "Feels like we're making a bit of progress here, yeah?"

I nod my head and lean in to kiss her only to have to stop me. "What?"

"I mean the whole sitch with the First and Roman."

"I thought you meant with us," I mutter under my breath and she laughs.

"With us, too," she smiles and she sits down on the edge of the bed and pulls me to stand in front of her between her legs.

We haven't been intimate since the other day when she told me about how she'd been killed and brought back to life by Roman. Even though we're both clearly injured, I can't control the way my body is feeling right now being so close to her yet not close enough. I let out a pained gasp as I move to straddle her legs and she frowns, placing her hands on my hips as I settle my weight down on her.

"B, you're not up to this, not tonight," she whispers. "It can wait."

"I hate waiting."

Faith chuckles and kisses my forehead lightly. "We'll have plenty of time for each other, B, even if we gotta make time. We both gotta heal if we're gonna get through this in one piece. We got lucky facing that Turok-Han tonight and you know it as well as I do. Next time we might not be so lucky, you know? Don't wanna take that risk."

I nod my head and pull her in for a soft, lingering kiss. She's right. We do need to heal and it's going to take us resting and not fooling around to do it.

After we kiss for a few minutes more, Faith helps me into bed and lays next to me. I'm not really that tired since it's still early in the night. I reach out and trace her jaw with my fingers, moving lightly over her bruised cheek as she smiles at me. I close my eyes as I snuggle into her neck, breathing in deep as she gently holds me in her arms.

It isn't long before I feel the pull of sleep tugging at me, lulling me slowly yet surely. Faith's breathing is steady and deep, which tells me she's already fast asleep. I let out a few deep sighs and give in, hoping for a night without dreams or nightmares and for tomorrow to be the start of something new, something good, instead of the same old bad news we've been living through day in and day out.


	60. Chapter 60

**Chapter Sixty**

Several months have passed, Christmas and New Years and my birthday have come and gone like they were just another insignificant day. Things have also been on the slow front, no more surprise appearances by any more Turok-Han, nothing on Roman and no word on the First Evil either. It feels like we've reached a roadblock of sorts, but I know that it's not going to last forever.

Aside from a few random vampires two weeks ago, there's been nothing happening in town. It's given us plenty of time to work with Satsu, training her a little more aggressively than we've been training the potentials. She has skills, there's no denying that and her flaking out on that Turok-Han has been mostly forgotten. She's proved herself with the vamps we faced a few weeks ago. It was hard for Faith and I to stand down and let her dust them, all six of them. We had to stand down and make sure that she could handle herself and see if the training we'd been doing with her had been working.

Faith and I are getting better too. Every day that passes we talk and spend some time alone together. The first year of our relationship had plenty of ups and downs-too many really-but we're stronger than we've ever been together, closer than we've been and it just seems to keep getting better every day. She doesn't hold back with me, not anymore, but she still has a few walls built up. I know I'll get them down again, it's just a matter of time and patience now.

Because the entire town has been deserted for quite some time now, Giles took it upon himself to take over the two houses next door, moving most of the potentials out of the house and giving us some more space. It also allowed him and the coven to bring more potentials in, but for every one he managed to track down, three were killed by Bringers. We can't save them all, I know we can't, but I want to try. We _have_ to try. Bringing them here, training them for what will come, might not save all their lives, but until that moment of battle comes, they're alive when they otherwise wouldn't be.

The only ones staying in my house now aside from myself and Faith, is Dawn and Spike, Willow and Tara. Xander and Anya are in the house on the left with over three dozen potentials, Giles and Andrew in the house on the right with Satsu and a little over twenty of the girls. In total there is now sixty-six of us. Not nearly enough, I know, but it's better than having less, better than having none at all.

"Damn, is it almost May already?" Faith says as she and Kennedy stroll into the kitchen. "Where the hell did the time go?"

"Who knows."

"Hey, B," Faith smiles at me as she leans in to give me a soft kiss. "Didn't know you were finished training with Sushi already."

"It's Satsu, Faith," Satsu mutters from the other end of the kitchen. "Not Sushi or whatever else you always call me."

"Yeah whatever."

"Faith gives everyone nicknames," I remind Satsu. "But only to the people she likes."

"It could be worse," Kennedy says, chuckling as she stands near Satsu. "She could be calling you something else."

"Like what?"

"Did you two have much luck?" I ask Faith, trying to change the nature of the conversation I know can go bad since Satsu has proven to have a short temper just like Faith. "Did you get any of the supplies on the list?"

"The store is almost empty," Faith replies and she gives me a little shrug. "Cleaned the place out of what we could. Truck is parked out front. Already got some of the girls unloading, dividing everything up fairly and what not."

"Good."

"I was thinking maybe we could take the girls out tonight. Hasn't been much going on and I figure the better they know the town, the better it is when we go into this war that's been delayed for whatever reason."

"Don't jinx it," I remind her sharply and Kennedy and Satsu both start giggling. "Girls, can you go and help the others unload the truck, please?"

"Hey, if you two want some time alone to bicker, all ya gotta do is say the word," Kennedy replies, sniggering as she pulls Satsu out of the kitchen.

"She's such a brat," Faith groans, rolling her eyes as she grabs the cup of coffee I had in front of me and takes a sip. "What do you think, B? Let's take the girls out tonight. Willing to bet a lot of them are getting restless being confined to the house the last few weeks."

"It can't hurt," I reply, smiling when she pulls me to straddle her lap. "Faith, we can't. Not here."

"Why not? Wouldn't be the first time one of them walked in on us making out, B."

"It's just-"

"You're embarrassed? I'm hurt," she gasps, feigning shock.

"Faith!" I laugh, slapping her playfully on the shoulder. "Not embarrassed, not at all. It's just awkward."

"Why? 'Cause you're supposed to be their fearless leader?"

"We are both leading them, Faith," I remind her. "It's you and me. We're a team, remember?"

"I know," she smiles and for once it's not forced. "Thrilled it's not any other way."

"Me too."

I pull her in for a kiss, savouring the feel of her lips and tongue against my own. I love kissing this woman. I could kiss her all day if we didn't have other responsibilities that Giles continuously reminds us that we have. I moan as she slides her hands from my hips to my ass and I grind my hips down as she pulls us closer together.

I want to move this somewhere more private, like our bedroom, but it's the middle of the day and we won't be in there longer than five minutes before someone comes looking for one or both of us. Faith on the other hand seems to have other ideas. She moves a hand under the edge of my shirt and up my back, her touch almost scorching me as she trails her hand higher.

I grip on to her left shoulder and the back of her neck, trying to stifle my moans as her hand moves around to my front and cups my right breast. My whole body is now on fire and aching for more of her touch. I kiss her harder and she responds, pinching my nipple roughly and making me moan rather loudly. I pull back from her lips, panting and she wastes no time moving her lips to my neck and sucking on the skin just below my ear.

"Ahem," Giles clears his throat and I push Faith away, nearly leaping off of her a half a second later. "I thought we had discussed this before?" Giles says as I try to casually smooth down my shirt.

He has an eyebrow raised and his face is slightly red at having caught us yet again. At least it wasn't as bad as the last time when he walked in on us in the basement with Faith's hand down my pants when we were supposed to be sparring.

"What's up, G?" Faith asks, not even bothered by the fact we got interrupted. I'm starting to think it doesn't even phase her anymore.

"I've just gotten off the phone with Selwyn. I need you to find the others and meet me in the living room as quickly as possible."

"Something going down?"

"Yes, something is going down, Faith. Now would you please find the others?"

"What's going on?" I ask him while Faith head out of the kitchen to look for the others. "Giles?"

"There's been reports of Roman having returned to Sunnydale," he says quietly. "The coven's seer has sent a dire warning. We have very little time to find him and efficiently eliminate him."

"You mean kill him?"

"So to speak, yes," he nods slowly. "The First, as it seems, has made good on its word to strip Roman of the properties that make him impervious to harm. We do not have much time as the window of opportunity is nearly gone."

"How much time did the seer say we have?"

"Days, if that."

"Great."

"Buffy, I know these past several months have been quite uneventful, but you and I both knew it would not stay like this for long. We have been given more than enough time and yet it hasn't been enough. We are not ready for a war."

"No, we're not. I'm going to lead these girls into a battle where we have no idea just what the odds are against us. They are just _girls_, Giles. I don't need girls, I need _slayers_."

"If you are suggesting-"

"No!" I stop him before he can even say what I know he's going to say next. "We're not going to do what Roman had started to do before. We need to find a different way-a better way."

"How do you suggest we do such a thing, Buffy? Even if there was a way, the Council would've employed that many years ago making one slayer one of many instead of one girl in all the world."

"Uh, magic?" I shrug and we both turn to the back door as someone knocks a few times. "Who could that be? Everyone just walks in these days," I say as I walk over to the back door and open it. "Wood! What are you doing here? I thought you skipped town for a little while."

"I did, but I'm back now," he replies, smiling as I step aside so he can come in. "I come bearing good news."

"Good news? We sure could use some good news right about now."

"Pardon?"

"Roman is back in town. We don't have much time to find him and kill him. So, the good news?" I ask him and he sighs, dropping his duffel bag to the floor by his feet.

About a month ago, Wood left town to track down some of his mother's Watcher's former contacts, hoping to gather some more information on the Hellmouth Seal, the First and Roman. He was the one who offered to go and gather any information that he could. I honestly didn't expect to ever see him again, that's for sure.

"I managed to gather some new information on the First," Wood says and he pulls out a worn leather-bound book from his bag that he immediately hands to Giles. "It also contains a passage on a myth of a weapon forged specifically for the slayer and the slayer alone to wield. I spent some time following one lead after another only to be led straight back here to Sunnydale."

"This weapon? Is it here in Sunnydale?" I ask him.

"Somewhere, yes, likely buried as this weapon is thousands of years old."

"Bear in mind, this weapon is but a myth, a story passed on for generations through the Council and all its members. There was a story told many years ago of a group of young Watchers who came to America at the turn of the eighteenth century in search of this mystical weapon. They were found killed and the weapon never discovered," Giles says.

"Do we know anything about it?" I ask and they both shake their head no. "Nothing? We don't know if it's a sword or like some kind of magical stake, maybe a nifty crossbow with magical arrows?"

"We know nothing. Everything that is known about the supposed weapon is forged in myth," Giles replies calmly. "Now this book, Robin, where did you get this? I was to believe that these volumes had been long since destroyed."

"An ex-Watcher I know in Wichita had recovered several things of importance before the Council in England was bombed."

"They were bombed? Good lord, when did this happen?"

"Two days ago."

"Two days ago, are you certain?"

"It's what Lucas told me. I was there when the news broke. He got a phone call from a college of his who narrowly escaped the blast," Robin replies. "No one contacted you, Rupert?"

"Not a soul."

I don't even need to hear it to know that this changes _everything_. I can see the worry and fear in Giles' eyes as he blankly stares down at the book Wood had handed him.

"I uh, I need to make a few phone calls," Giles says as he picks up his cell phone from the counter where he'd put it earlier. "Buffy, when the others arrive, could you wait for me in the living room and have Robin catch them up on his findings?"

"Sure."

This is a lot to process. First talks of a weapon forged for the slayer alone to wield, new information on the First and Roman we haven't even gotten to and now learning that the Council in England had been bombed two days ago and we're only now finding out about it from Robin Wood of all people. Is it just me or do I get this feeling that this guy knows far too much than he's supposed to?

"How have things been around here?" Wood asks once Giles has slipped out the back door to make his phone calls with some privacy.

"Slow as the day you left," I reply, staring him down. "How about you?"

"I spent the last day driving from Wichita, bit tired as expected," he replies with a soft, hearty chuckle. "I was worried that things might have gotten worse here while I was gone."

"Nope, not at all. We haven't forgotten we're in the middle of a war either, before you even say it, Wood."

"Right, right. I wasn't about to imply that you had."

"Yo, Wood!" Faith says as she strolls into the kitchen with Willow, Tara, Xander, Anya and Dawn behind her. "When did you get back into town?"

"Not long ago. Nice to see you too, Faith."

"Where's Giles?" Faith asks me as she takes a seat on the stool next to me.

"Making a few phone calls. We should wait for him in the living room. I'm sure he won't be long. Wood can catch you guys up on everything."

"What about you?"

"I have some eavesdropping to do," I whisper to her as the others already start making their way to the living room with Wood. "Faith, there's so much more going on than we even know right now. Just go with the others and make sure they're safe."

"Safe? Buffy, what-"

"Just go, Faith."

She sighs and hesitates, but I give her a look that means business. She groans and gives me a quick little kiss before she heads for the living room to join the others. I make my way to the back door, peeking out through the blinds to see where Giles is. He's down by the back shed, pacing as he holds the phone to his ear. Every once in a while he says a few words then presses his lips tightly as he listens to whoever he's talking to on the other line.

I slip out the back door, shutting it behind me quickly and move to the row of bushes along the left side of the yard before Giles can even see me. I move quickly and quietly, getting as close as I can to where he's standing. He's not saying a word as he stands still, but every couple of minutes he starts to pace. He mutters under his breath as he hangs up and dials a number, sighing as he puts the phone to his ear.

"Bardsley, it's Giles. Rupert Giles," he says after a few seconds. "Yes, I heard. I had expected to have been contacted in such an event-no, no I understand. What happened?"

I almost hold my breath as he falls silent, and I strain to listen, hoping to pick up on whoever it is he's talking to, but it's too faint to make out any of the words and the chirping of the birds in the trees nearby isn't helping me any.

"Bardsley, I understand that things have been strained between us since I was fired from the Council but-yes, no I understand why you didn't contact me, it has been years after all. What can you tell me about what has happened?" Giles says quietly and he groans in frustration, beginning to pace yet again as he switches the phone to his other ear. "Who bombed the Council? Harbingers? Are you certain?"

Harbingers bombed the Council? Why would they do that? To eliminate them? To stop them from interfering with coming up with a way to put a stop to what the First Evil has planned?

"No, no, it makes perfect sense," Giles says into the phone. "I understand, Bardsley. No, there hasn't been any sighting of the First in Sunnydale, not for quite some time. Are we alarmed, I can assure you that we are and that we are prepared and-yes, yes we're addressing the issue regarding the Immortal. The coven's seer-are you certain? I see. Will I be able to contact you at this number again in the future? Surely. Thank you, mate. We'll be in touch."

Giles slips the cell into his pocket and looks up at the sky. He's frustrated and concerned, that much I can tell and after what I heard, I need to know more. I need to know everything.

"Buffy," he calls out and he walks towards the bushes. "I know you are there," he says calmly.

"Got me," I say, stepping out from behind the bushes. "How did you know I was there?"

"These bushes hardly provide much cover," he replies with a slight, stiff smile. "Eavesdropping?"

"I-I was curious."

"I see," he says, chuckling as I give him a sly smile. "I made a few phone calls and only one was willing to speak truthfully to me. Anyone still connected to the Council had been barred from contacting me and anyone else who had been previously terminated of their services. What Robin told us is indeed true. Two days ago the Council was bombed, their resources severely depilated and it is not know how many surviving members there are."

"Why would Harbingers bomb the council, Giles?"

"They had a plan to put a stop to the First and they have been tirelessly working on it for months now. They found a solution, as rumour has it, and-ahem, word got out. It seems the First is no longer going to willingly lay low as it has been."

"So, what do we do now?"

"That is the question, isn't it?"

"And the Council's solution? What is it?"

"Nobody knows, at least that is what Bardsley told me. He, like myself, is no longer affiliated with the Council. His contacts are as limited as my own."

"Do you think it's been destroyed? Whatever plan the Council had against the First?"

"I do not know, Buffy. And unfortunately, there is no way to find out."

I run my hands through my hair and let out a frustrated sigh. "Then what the hell are we going to do, Giles?"

"We come up with a plan."

"We've tried that-"

"Buffy," Giles cuts me off. "The coven's seer told me how we can put an end to this. When Robin showed up and told us what he did, it alarmed me at first that he had very similar information as I had just received myself."

"About the weapon?"

"About the weapon, yes," he nods slowly. "It's always been perceived as a myth. There has been very little to go on about it other than it may just be hidden here in Sunnydale. The coven's seer, she saw this weapon and has seen that it is being unearthed as we speak."

"By, let me guess, Bringers?"

"Yes," Giles replies. "They seek to destroy it because they know the true power that is harnessed within it. We must locate this weapon before it can be unearthed."

"Little problem there," I say and he nods. "We have absolutely no idea where it is, do we?"

"No, but I uh, I suspect Robin Wood has received information on an estimated location that he has yet to reveal. I do not entirely trust him."

"You and me both. So, what do we do now, Giles?"

"I have a plan..."

* * *

><p>I sit on top of a tombstone, watching as Faith leads the girls through some basic exercises in Restfield cemetery. She knows of the plan Giles came up with and so does Willow and Tara. They're back at the house working on a spell that'll help us locate this secret forged mythical weapon the First is after to destroy.<p>

The plan is pretty simple and we needed to get the girls and Spike out of the house so Giles could get Robin Wood alone and drive the information out of him by any means possible. While Giles gets what he can out of Robin-even through means of torture as he explained to me-Willow and Tara are going to do whatever they can to find this weapon. I don't know how they're going to do it, but Willow promised me she'd figure out a way and if magic failed, well, we just have to hope that Giles gets Wood to talk.

I get this strange, bad feeling this night is about to turn a whole hell of a lot worse. I hop off the tombstone and look around, straining to see in the darkness and the slight fog that is rolling in. I almost pull out my stake from inside my jean jacket, but instead I unsheathe the dagger from inside my boot Faith had convinced me to wear tonight.

"Roman," I say softly as he steps out from behind the shadows of the mausoleum less than twenty feet away from me. "Been wondering when you'd show your face around here again. What's it been? Almost a year?"

"Ah," he chuckles, four tall, beefy vampires emerging from the shadows behind him, flanking each side like they are his bodyguards. "Buffy Summers, a pleasure."

"It'll be my pleasure when I drive this knife through your heart right after I kill your groupies."

"All by your lonesome?"

"Nope," I smile as Faith moves quickly to stand at my side. "I have Faith here, another slayer and oh a bunch of girls who actually know how to fight now."

"Didn't think I'd ever see your ugly mug again," Faith quips.

"You two are still fighting on the same side?" Roman asks, looking a little nervous all of a sudden.

"You think that your little plan on making Faith lose her soul and controlling her death to call upon another slayer would pull us apart? Think again, asshole."

"But-but I-the plan was solid. It shouldn't have failed!"

"Then maybe ya should've stuck around to see it through, huh?" Faith laughs and she pulls out her own dagger from inside her left boot. "You know something, Roman? I'm getting real tired of your shit. You and Olivia put me through enough bullshit to last a hundred lifetimes. Bet you thought it'd break me, huh? Well, got news for you, buddy. It didn't."

Tonight is just getting better and better. I can feel Faith's confidence soaring alongside my own and I can feel the vengeance coming off her in waves.

"You kill me now and you'll never stop this," he says lowly. "The First Evil is going to destroy this world and it will kill everyone and every living thing in it that isn't on its side. I was once on its side, but I am no longer. I am not on your side either, but I for one would like to live."

"You've got to be kidding me," Faith laughs and she points her dagger at his chest. "Nobody can stop the First from what it has planned. It's not like we can just kill it."

"That's where you would be wrong," Roman replies rather calmly. "You and your people, those witches, they do not know what I do. The First recruited myself and Olivia, tried to lure us to its side because it knows we know how to destroy it."

"I'm feeling a big 'but' coming, don't you, B?" Faith asks me and I nod, not taking my eyes off Roman or the four vampires that are still standing beside him, not moving a muscle. "What's the catch?"

"I live, as I have, forever. I will promise to leave you and the others alone for as long as you live."

"Can't just take your word for it, Roman," Faith scoffs. "You fucked with my life, with my head. What makes you think I'm gonna just let you live after all that?"

"Because I am the only one in the entire world that knows how to destroy the First. You and your people are coming close, but you will fall short and fail."

Now I'm really curious about what he knows and I know we're not just going to walk off with the answers, not without some kind of a deal. Roman is an immortal and he's been around long enough to know how to swing a deal that works in his favour more than the ones he's making the deal with. He knows he's vulnerable right now and that at any moment, one of us could take his life.

"I know what you're looking for and where to find it," Roman says after a few tense minutes have passed. "It's an essential part of destroying the First Evil and if its Harbingers get their hands on it and destroy it, we're in an extremely hopeless situation. Good and evil, none of us will prevail unless we're on his side, and unfortunately for those who walk the dark side, it is far too late to take its side now."

Roman motions to the vampires flanking him and they run off. I look around him, alarmed and worried about Satsu and the girls, but Roman shakes his head at me slowly.

"No need for those thoughts," he says. "I sent them off. They won't touch you or any of the girls you've brought here with you tonight."

"Where is it?" I ask him.

"The weapon forged for the slayer and only the slayer to wield? In a vineyard not far outside of town. Harbingers have been working tirelessly day and night, trying to unearth and free the scythe. It is close to being retrieved and we must act quickly."

"Why should we trust you?" I ask and he chuckles as he takes a few steps closer to us and walks right up to the dagger Faith is holding out.

"Have you ever just gone with the flow, as the saying goes? You do realize that if you do not retrieve this weapon in time, that if you do not get those witches of yours to perform the spell, that you have no chance in living past the day after tomorrow."

The day after tomorrow? We're in no way ready for a fight in two days! I try to stay calm, but I can just feel the worry prickling my skin as Faith moves to stand a little closer to me. We look at each other for a moment and she let's out a soft sigh before turning her attention back to Roman.

"Gonna need more than just your word, Roman," she says and her voice sounds almost defeated. I watch him and there's no difference in the way he's staring at her and then over at me. "Of all the shitty things you've done to me-"

"Things that I cannot take back, even with magic. Would a simple apology be enough until this is all over?"

"And then what? You disappear and we never see you again?"

"Precisely."

I know as well as Faith does that we still have time to kill Roman if it comes down to it and knowing Faith, that is what it'll come down to. I don't want to trust him, trust what he says, but maybe it's time to go with the flow as he said before. If we don't, I don't want us to have any regrets.

Wood could be a dead-end, Willow and Tara might not be able to locate this weapon and we're back to square one. Roman is offering us an out and even though he's not on the side of the good, I feel like we're stupid if we don't take up his offer right now.

"Give us the spell and take us to this vineyard," I say to him and he doesn't smile as he nods his head. "Roman? The spell. Call it a security deposit on us going out on a limb here and trusting you."

Roman sighs, looking rather annoyed, but he pulls out a folded paper from the inside of his jacket pocket. The paper is old, brittle and he hands it to me with a shaky hand. I look over it and the writing is small and in what looks like a mix of Latin and another demonic language. I carefully fold the paper back up and hold up a hand before Roman can walk away.

"Just wait," I say to him and I turn to Faith, handing her the paper. "Get the girls to run this to Willow and Tara. I'll wait here for you."

"But, B-"

"Just go."

Faith groans and sheaths the dagger back in her boot before she jogs off to where we'd left the girls behind.

"That better be the real deal," I warn him, still clutching my own dagger in my hand that's loosely at my side.

"Waiting for your witches to confirm it is genuine? As should be expected, but you should've told Faith to pass the message on that trying to perform the spell without the scythe can make this situation far, far worse."

I smirk and pull out my cell phone, hitting two and hold the phone to my ear as the line rings. He looks a little surprised, likely because I'm finally at least a full step ahead of him right now.

"Will, it's me."

_"Buffy? Is everything all right?"_

"Everything is fine. Will, just do me a favour? When the girls bring you the spell, I just want you and Tara to confirm that it's real and not just some bogus spell. Whatever you do, don't do it. There's something that you'll need and I'm going to get it. Tonight."

_"Buffy-"_

I hang up and slip the phone back in my pocket. "We shouldn't have to wait long," I say to him and he rolls his eyes. "What's the matter, Roman? Didn't think I'd be able to get word out without keeping an eye on you? Technology, remember? It's come a long way. Surprised you're not on the up and up about it, being immortal and all. Oh no, that's right, you're not your usual self tonight, are you?"

"Spare your tongue, Slayer."

I grin and move to lean against the nearest tombstone, not for one second taking my eyes off of Roman as I do. He's fidgeting now, clearly looking as nervous as he had before when he realized the things he'd done to Faith hadn't broken her in the ways he had planned for them to. I have a million questions for him about that, but now is not the time to start with that. I've already accepted that we may never truly know his real intentions behind all that he did to Faith, but I'm not so sure that she is.

I'm pretty sure that when Giles came up with the plan earlier, he definitely didn't see any of this happening tonight. I know he was hoping we'd come across Roman, put an end to him. I know I was hoping more than anything we would too and I wanted to watch Faith kick his ass and kill him for all the things he's done.

Definitely not going to rule out that possibility. We have the spell and if it's genuine, all we need is for Roman to take us to where this weapon is, and we can kill him just like we planned to. But I'm sure he is ready for that. Can't put that past him, he's gotten to us before and he got to Faith, cast that spell on her and lured her away from us, killed her and brought her back to life. He could've just let her stay dead and a part of me is thankful that he didn't, but another part of me is nagging with those questions I want to ask him. Maybe him making sure Faith was brought back alive was his own way to secure his own life when it comes down to it.

A whole lot of maybes. I need something solid to go with here. Yet all I can do is wait, wait for Faith to return, wait for Willow to call and confirm whether that spell Roman was in possession of is the real deal or if we're just being played yet again.


	61. Chapter 61

**Chapter Sixty-One**

It's almost four in the morning and Faith and I are following Roman outside of town to where this vineyard is located. We've already passed several Bringers, just barely managing to stay out of the way so we weren't spotted-or heard-or however the Bringers know we're around.

It took Willow, Tara, Giles and Selwyn hours to find the origin of the spell and to figure out what the spell itself was meant to do. But when Willow called and confirmed it was very much the one thing we need to _win_ this fight against the First, I knew it was time to give a little bit of trust to Roman and have him lead us to where this weapon has been hidden for centuries. But, because it took them so long to confirm the authenticity of the spell, our window of killing Roman is closing. Fast.

"You leading us to a trap or something?" Faith asks him in a hushed whisper as more Bringers walk past us and down a grassy hill. "So help me if you are, you're gonna be gutted right here and now."

"No," Roman replies with a shake of his head and points ahead. "Just down there. That's where we need to go."

"That place is crawling with Bringers! You're outta your damn mind if you think we're gonna get in there without getting caught in the middle of a fight!"

"I can provide an ample distraction, but it falls on you two to get to the scythe before they and the First realizes just what you're up to."

"What kind of a distraction are ya talking about here?"

"Let me worry about that. Get as close as you can and quickly. This will be the last you see of me, slayers. You end this and I'll keep my word and leave you alone for as long as you live."

Oh there is _no_ way he's going to get off that easily, create a distraction and then slip off into the night. I grab him by the back of his neck and even though he is much bigger than I am, his strength is down and I easily lift him off his feet.

"Come up with a different plan," I say through gritted teeth. "Those vamps that were with you earlier, have them come and create a distraction. You are coming with us."

"They are not-"

"They've been following us," I reply and I motion to the trees behind us. "We're slayers, Roman. Just because we can't necessarily see them, doesn't mean we don't feel them."

Roman grumbles as I let go of him and he drops back down to his feet. He whistles out and the four vampires that were with him back in the cemetery come out from beyond the shadows of the trees they've been lurking behind this whole time. He speaks to them in another language and each one of them sounds like they're protesting what Roman is instructing them to do. He lets out a menacing growl, one that surprisingly sets the vampires in line and they huddle together while Roman turns his attention back to Faith and I.

"After all this time, it seems you two have learned a thing or two along the way," he says with a dry chuckle. "I underestimated you. Especially you, Faith."

"Shut up and get your boys working on that distraction," Faith snaps at him. "We don't have all night and they don't especially. Sun'll be up in what, an hour and a bit now?"

Roman growls and turns to the four vampires. They converse quietly in another language while Faith moves to stand close at my side. She places a hand on my shoulder and I look at her. She's smiling.

"What?" I whisper.

"He knows we're gonna kill him either way, B."

"How do you know that?"

"He ain't stupid."

"Then why-"

"Olivia. Either way, he knows that no matter what happens here tonight or tomorrow, he'll be with her again. He loves her more than he loves himself and his immortal life. I'm willing to bet he'd do anything to make sure he's with her again, one way or another."

"But you killed her."

"Yeah, but for all we know she could be trapped in another hell dimension and I'm willing to bet Roman boy here will go all out in the after-life to find her just to be with her again."

I raise an eyebrow at her and she chuckles softly, leaning in to plant a light kiss on my furrowed brow.

"Even the baddies want a happy ending, B. They ain't that much different than us even if most of their versions of a happy ending isn't so happy in mortal terms."

She has a point. I smile at her and let it quickly fade away as Roman joins us once again. He explains in very little detail that his boys will create a distraction, lure the Bringers out of the vineyard so we can slip in without being caught in a fight-or at least one that could end up with one or all of us killed. We move together, Faith leading the way down the hill while the vamps move on up ahead to the other side of the vineyard. I keep looking back, checking to make sure that Roman is still will us and he is. There's no way I'm letting him out of my sight right now, not even after this is all said and done.

But what Faith had said about him, about him knowing we'll kill him either way, it makes me wonder if this is some sick trick he's playing so that we don't kill him. Whatever it ends up being, it'll end up that way, but right now I need to stay focused on getting inside that vineyard, getting the weapon that belongs to the slayer out of there before the Harbingers have a chance to destroy it.

We huddle in the bushes by the main door inside the vineyard, staying quiet and hopefully well-hidden as a dozen Bringers walk out, murmuring amongst themselves as they walk to the far side of the building where the vamps are preparing their distraction, whatever distraction that-

I'm blinded by a blinding flash of fire as a bomb goes off. Faith is grabbing my hand and pulling me inside the building with Roman leading the way. The bomb made my ears ring and I can only faintly hear her saying my name and telling me to hurry up.

Four Bringers come charging up the stairs at us and I narrowly miss the knife one swings at my head. I kick the knife out of it's hand and drop down to the ground as another attacks. I stab the one that attacked me first with it's own knife and I spin around, kicking the one that's closing in on Faith as she fights another. Roman is holding his own with two more that have come up the stairs and as the ringing in my ears fades out, I can hear the sounds of a fight going out just outside.

"Where is it?" Faith yells at Roman as she just barely manages to kill the Bringer she'd been fighting. "Roman?"

"Down below," he yells back before grabbing the Bringer's neck and twisting it, snapping its neck a little too easily for someone who is supposed to be at the strength of a human. "Go!"

I follow Faith down the stairs quickly and we're in a cellar full of wine barrels. I look around quickly, not finding anything that resembles a weapon of importance. Faith doesn't look as worried as I feel that maybe we really have been played and Roman led us straight into a trap. I watch as Faith paces the floor and swings around and kicks the valve out of one of the barrels, wine pouring out quickly and rolling across the floor.

"Faith, what are you doing?"

"Just wait."

"We don't have time-"

"Look," she motions as she points to the way the wine is rolling across the dirt floor. It stops in one spot and instead of pooling into a puddle, it goes...down? "Trap door. Come on, B. Ready to get what's yours?"

"Ours," I correct her, smiling as I spot a sword on the wall and grab it before following her to the trap door. She kicks the wood, it splintering away revealing a drop down into the dark.

I feel it now and I know she does too. There's something very powerful here and it's just beneath us. Faith grabs one of the torches off the wall and drops down into the hole without a word or a single look over at me. I take a deep breath and listen for a moment. The sounds of fighting outside is still there, but it sounds like less. I look back at the stairs just as Roman comes crashing down, bringing three Bringers down with him. I jump into the hole in the ground and land roughly on my feet.

We're in a cavern of sorts and Faith is already up ahead, the light from her torch barely lighting the space we're in. In a split second, a dozen torches around the room are spontaneously lit and Faith drops her torch as I stand next to her. I hand her the Bringer's knife and I clutch the sword, looking around until my eyes fall on what is on the far end of the cavern.

A scythe, welded in stone with two Bringers furiously trying to free it. Faith and I just exchange a look before we charge at the Bringers, startling them as we kick them away from _our_ weapon.

"Get it, B! I'll take care of these blind fuckers!" Faith laughs as the Bringers go for her, leaving me clear and free to grab the scythe from the stone.

The power is stronger the closer I get and I run my fingers over the handle before I grip it tight and give it a little pull. It's released from the stone like a hot knife going through a stick of butter and I feel something I've never felt before in my life. More power than I ever felt. More of a sense of belonging. A sense of knowing that after all these months, we're finally going to put an end to this one and for all.

"Faith, duck!" I yell at her and she does as I swing the scythe at the two Bringers, slicing both in half with one strike.

"Damn, that was something else, B!"

"Let's get out of here."

"What about Roman?"

"Kill him on the way out. You want to do it or should I?"

"Can I use that wicked axe to kill him, B?"

"It's a scythe."

"Same diff," Faith laughs and I hand it to her, feeling a surge of power as she grabs on to it. I let go and she leads the way to the hole we came down through.

This feeling I'm feeling right now is exhilarating and I know Faith feels it too. She's already got the three Bringers Roman crashed down the stairs with dead and she's got Roman cornered, the scythe held firmly in both hands as he cowers away from her, trembling.

"Please," he whimpers as she raises the scythe a little. "I beg you, please spare me. I got you what you need to end the First. I held up on my end of the deal."

"You know something, Roman? It's just too bad that I'm not holding up on our end of the deal. You fucked with my life, with my head, you _killed_ me and brought me back to life. I killed Olivia and now, I'm gonna kill you. Might not be able to take my sweet time doing it, but I'm sure as _hell_ am gonna enjoy watching you die."

I smile as I stand behind Faith, watching as she breathes heavily. She's holding onto the moment, but she also knows we don't have a lot of time right now. I know she's probably envisioned this moment a hundred times over in a hundred different ways, if not more.

"Please."

"Please? Begging for your life? Aren't you stoked you're gonna get a chance to be with your lover again?" Faith sneers at him and he leans further back against the wall he's up against. "Oh yeah, you didn't think I'd catch on to that part, did you? Love is the same no matter what you are. I killed her and you tried to get revenge and knew you'd fail, which is why you stopped being the First's little plaything and waited for the right moment to come to us to help you. You know that no matter what happens, the outcome is gonna be the same."

"Y-yes."

"We're not as stupid as you think we are, Roman. Might've played me, but guess what? I wasn't as weak as you thought I was."

"No, you aren't. You are just as _strong_ as I hoped you were. Because of you," he says, his voice quavering a little, "I fooled the First. I didn't play you, Faith. It was the First I was after right from the moment you walked into this town to take over where Buffy left off when she was killed. Now, you've come this far, why don't you end it? Why don't you kill me while you still have the chance?"

"Isn't that what you want?" Faith drawls. "For us to kill you, perform this spell to kill the First and you get your happy ending just like we're gonna get ours?"

Roman snaps his mouth shut. Faith grins as she turns to look at me and she hands me the scythe. She walks up to Roman and wraps her hands around his neck, squeezing tight.

"Now you listen to me," she says as she gets right in his face. "You had your own little game going on, your own plan, I get that. Didn't think it'd turn out to be this way, but hey life is full of damn surprises, ain't it? I mean, look at me. Even after all the shit you've done to me, I'm still here, I'm still with the only person who has ever loved me as much as I love her and we're going to stop the First. Life just can't get any better, can it?"

"Kill me. I beg of you."

"I'm not gonna kill you," Faith chuckles, tightening her grip on his neck. "That'd be too easy, wouldn't it? Giving you the one thing you want. You know the First stripped your immortality away from you to give us a chance to get rid of you because that is what it wanted, to get rid of you. Seems like the only ones who are gonna get what they want is the good guys. Not you or the First Evil. Us."

The ground begins to shake beneath us and I reach out for her. "Faith, kill him or don't, but we better get out of here right now!"

"If I _ever_ see you in this town again, I might not be able to kill you as easily as I can right now, but believe me when I say that I will find a way to make the rest of your immortal life a living hell."

I pull her away from him as the ground begins to split. We run as fast as our legs can take us up the stairs and outside. Hundreds of Bringers, dead and alive are surrounding the vineyard. I grip tight on to the scythe and they scramble over one another to get as far away from us as possible. We don't stop running until we reach the top of the hill and the ground stops shaking. I turn to look back at the vineyard as it's engulfed with thick black smoke.

"What the hell is that?"

"I think we just pissed off the First," I reply and I know we have to run, but I feel like I'm stuck where I'm standing.

A loud deafening roar fills the air as the vineyard crumbles. Faith grabs my hand and pulls me towards the trees, running and dragging me along as I try to watch what is happening behind us. The force of the blast sends us flying a good twenty feet and we crash to the ground hard. And then there's silence, eerie silence as the dust settles.

"We gotta get the hell outta here, B. Something tells me we don't got a whole helluva lot of time left," Faith said as she helps me to my feet. "Ya think he's dead?"

"After a blast like that? Who knows?"

"Let's go, B!" She yells as a dozen Bringers come up over the hill, running straight for us.

We run through the woods, dodging trees and rocks, trying to stay ahead of the Bringers who are chasing after us. We're a long way from home and we're not going to be able to run the whole way back, slayer speed and strength or not.

I don't even have a second to think about why we're being chased when not long ago they ran from us in what looked like fear.

When we reach the road, I slow down, gasping to catch my breath, but Faith isn't having it and she grabs on to my hand and pulls me with her as she keeps on running. I let go of her hand but stay at her side as we run down the winding road that leads back into town. I don't even know how long we've been running for, but when Faith slows down, I turn to look behind us. Nothing but empty road. No Bringers, nothing.

"We gotta get some wheels," she gasps, struggling to catch her breath.

"Where are we going to get a car, Faith?"

She groans as she bends over and takes a few deep breaths. "Spent a lot of time around these parts when I was-well, you know when. There's a junk yard about a half mile that way," she says as she points into the dense woods that surround us. "We're gonna have to cut through to get there. Bound to be something in that place that works. At least we gotta hope to hell there is 'cause there's no way we're getting home on foot."

"Are you sure you know it's there?"

"Mile marker little ways back said seventy-one, so yeah. Come on," she says and she grabs my hand just as we hear the pounding of feet on the road behind us.

Before we run into the woods, I can just faintly see the Bringers that had been chasing us gaining ground. We run for a good ten minutes before we reach a rusty chain-link fence. She motions for me to follow her and we run down along the fence until we reach an opening that's been cut. Faith slips through first and holds it open wider for me.

"Betting Bobby stuck around," she says as we make our way through a maze of scrap metal and rusted out old cars. "Best we find out, yeah?"

"Bobby?"

"Guy that owns this place. Fed me a few times in favour of doing the few odd jobs around this place for him. Decent guy for a half-demon."

I'm willing to bet that one of these days, hopefully after all this is over, she'll tell me more about all those weeks she spent after that spell was done to reverse the spell Roman had used to remove her soul. But right now I can't worry about that. I can't worry about anything other than getting back home with this scythe, the key to the spell that'll destroy the First Evil. We've come this far and I just want it to be over.

That's all I have wanted for a long time, for it to be over. Being a slayer has never been a choice, but if we can finish this, destroy the First Evil, maybe it will become a choice given time.

"Yo, Bobby?" Faith calls out as we approach an old trailer. There's a light on inside and she bangs on the door. "It's Faith!"

"Faith?" A man calls out, his voice gruff and deep. The door swings open and a man in overalls steps out, only he's not really a man, not from the tail that's poking out of the hole in his overalls. "Faith, what're ya doing here?"

"Need a favour."

"Shoulda figured that. Who's the broad?"

"That's Buffy."

He chuckles as he stares at me, grinning. His mostly toothless smile should be creeping me out, but it's far from creepy despite the lack of teeth. He scratches his bald head and looks over at Faith.

"What ya need?"

"A car. We're in a sitch and we need some wheels, stat. Ya think ya can help us out?"

"Dunno about that. Favours come with a price. This'll cost ya, Faith."

"How about I kill those guys before they kill you and you give us a car?" Faith asks as she motions to the Bringers who have found us and are rushing towards us at full speed. "Seems like a decent deal if you think about it, Bobby."

I toss her the scythe and pull Bobby away from the Bringer who just nearly manages to slice it's knife at Bobby's throat. Faith lets out a feral scream, swinging the scythe around effortlessly at the Bringers as they surround her. I push Bobby towards the trailer he'd came out of and I grab the dagger out of my boot, jumping into the middle of the fight. Just watching for those few seconds, it proved that the Bringers are after one thing, the scythe.

"They want it," I say to Faith as the Bringers circle around us. "Whatever you do, don't let them get their hands on it."

"Like they could if they tried," Faith laughs and she nods at me quickly. I duck and she swings, decapitating two Bringers with one swing.

I stand with my back to hers as two others charge towards us. I grab on to one and throw it over our heads and manage to drop my dagger as I do. I don't panic. I can't. Not now. I grab the other Bringer's neck and give it a twist, letting the body drop to the ground before I dive down for my dagger before another can makes it's move on me.

I'm too far from Faith and I yell out her name as yet another comes up behind her while she struggles to fight the two in front of her. An arrow zips through the air, piercing the Bringer's heart and it's followed by two more that strike the last two standing.

"Well, that was somethin' else," Bobby chuckles as he stands on top of the trailer with a crossbow in his hands. "Ya need some wheels?"

"Sure do," Faith grins. Bobby tosses her a set of keys. "Which one is it?"

"My truck. After you two broads are done, I want it back."

"No problem," Faith smiles at him. "Thanks, Bobby!"

"Yeah yeah, now git before more of 'em show up looking for ya."

I follow Faith to a pick-up truck parked on the other side of the trailer. We get in and she slides the key in and cranks it, the engine chugging a few times before it roars to life. She hands me the scythe and I hold on to it as she hits the gas and heads through the winding path of scrap metals and cars. I see a gate just up ahead and she plows right through it, the metal grinding against the truck and slamming to the ground as she turns onto the dirt road.

"How far from home are we?" I ask her as she keeps her speed up on the dirt road, careful to avoid spinning out by going too quickly.

"About twenty minutes if we keep up at this speed. What a stroke of luck I remembered about Bobby's place, huh? Really got us outta that pinch."

"You'll have to uh, tell me about how you met him sometime."

"It's not much of a story," she shrugs. "He nearly shot me 'cause I was trespassing on his property. Didn't know it was anyone's property when I was searching for a place to camp out one night. His demon side came out and you know me, slayer instinct kicked in. Wasn't 'til I was about to bash his head in that he surrendered. Had a beer with the guy, asked him if there were any jobs I could help him out with in exchange for some money. Said he didn't have money but offered food instead. Hung around a couple of days, even chased a few vamps outta his place night before I left and moved back closer to town. Guy did me a solid, I did him one. Pretty much it."

"Oh."

"Bet you were expecting more of an interesting story, huh?"

"No, no it's interesting. Even when you're trying to get yourself back, so to speak, you still manage to help someone else out."

"That's me, doer of good deeds and all that. Road to redemption never ends, B, ever."

"I'm starting to get that."

Faith slows as she turns on to the main road and she hits the gas a little more, zipping down the winding road. The old truck's engine is struggling, but we're still going. It's a bumpy ride and I reach for the seatbelt, buckling myself in before I poke at Faith to do the same.

"What do ya make of what's happened tonight, B?"

"Surreal."

"That it?"

"I honestly don't know what to think, Faith, but this weapon, I can feel the power in it. Can't you?"

"It's intense. Ya think this spell and the weapon is gonna work?"

"We have to try."

Faith sighs and slows a little as she takes a sharp curve in the road. "Did ya even think for one minute that Roman would end up being the one to help us in the end?"

"I-I honestly didn't think things would turn out this way." And it's not over yet. We both know that. "If what he said was true, he played the First, using us-specifically you-to do it."

"Should've just killed him," Faith mutters. "Don't even know if he's dead or alive."

"That blast would've killed anything in that building, Faith."

"Sure," she shrugs. "Unless that window of opportunity slipped by as we made a run for it and he survived."

"Even if he did survive, he told us if we held up our end of the bargain, he'd do the same."

"You believe that?" Faith laughs bitterly. "This asshole is a mastermind at playing games. Even if this spell pans out and we save the world, can't shake the thought that we did it for _him_ and not just to save the world. You get what I'm saying?"

"Faith!" I yell out as a tall, shadowy figure stands in the middle of the road. "Watch out!"

But it's too late. She tries to swerve, but the truck stalls and we hit the figure in the road, hard. I close my eyes and grip onto the scythe as the truck flips over into the ditch. I don't know how many times we rolled until it ends. I gasp as I unbuckle the seatbelt and wipe the glass carefully off my face and out of my hair. What just happened? What did we hit?

"Faith?" I say shakily as I reach over for her. She's out cold. I check her pulse, it's a little faint but it's there. "Faith! Wake up!"

I scramble to get her out of her seatbelt and pull her out the broken passenger window and onto the road. "Faith!" I say as I shake her gently, gripping on to her and the scythe as I hear footsteps behind us. "Faith, please wake up, baby, please."

I can hear sinister laughter as I try to wake her up. But she isn't waking up. The cut on her forehead is bad, it's not too deep, but the bump tells me she's hit her head hard enough to knock her out.

"Faith, _please_. Wake up..."


	62. Chapter 62

**Chapter Sixty-Two**

I lay Faith carefully on the side of the road once I've dragged her away from the truck. A small fire has started and if all those afternoons of watching action movies with Faith, Xander and the girls have taught me something, it's that burning vehicles after an accident will most definitely blow up.

"Faith, baby, please wake up," I whisper to her and I place several kisses over her cheeks and lips. No response. Not even a flinch.

"Now this is an interesting turn of events."

"Roman," I say through gritted teeth as I rise to my feet and turn to him. "Funny, we were _just_ talking about you."

He laughs as he slowly approaches me. I grip the scythe in my hand and walk towards him. If we're going to fight, I don't want Faith in any danger when she can't fight back right now. I raise the scythe and he stops in his tracks. Now _that_ is interesting. I smirk as I take a few steps towards him and he flinches and takes a step back.

"I see you survived the blast at the vineyard."

"Barely," he replies with a grin that makes my insides churn.

My heart is racing, part of it because of the accident we were just in and part because Roman is standing before me with not even a scratch on him after Faith hit him with the truck and I don't even know what's going to happen next. In all honesty, I'm more worried about Faith than I am when it comes to Roman right now.

"She'll be okay. That one is a trooper, that's for sure," Roman chuckles. "You're quite the trooper yourself, aren't you? It's simply amazing to think of what it could've been like for you if Faith hadn't been here for you when your beloved friends yanked you out of Heaven and brought you back to this world, a world that feels and seems like Hell, and yet is not even close to being what it could be if the First wins."

"The First Evil is _not_ going to win."

"No, it will not."

"I don't get it," I laugh because I can't help but not. "Why help us and then nearly kill us out here like this?"

"Kill you? Hardly," Roman laughs. It sounds so evil that it eats right through my soul. "You're both alive and well, well at least _you_ are. Faith on the other hand, a few head trauma's too many and well, that's just the way the cards have been dealt for her. Understand this," Roman says, leering as he approaches me. "You may not carry the line, but you carry a power no slayer in history has ever had before. A power you know you feel deep within. If I feared for my life, I would not be here right now conversing with the likes of you."

"Seems like you're a little scared there, Roman," I say as I twirl the scythe in my hand. "The First couldn't hold off your power of immortality any longer, could it? If I tried to kill you right now, would I fail or would I succeed?"

"You know nothing of the power you harness, the power you hold in your hand and the power you can unleash from the weapon itself."

"How about I take it for a little test run?" I say, smiling as he takes a step back. "The Bringers, they ran when we escaped the vineyard and saw-somehow saw that we had the scythe, and yet we were chased after the blast. This weapon, this axe or scythe as you've called it, it has far more power than you're letting on, doesn't it?"

"You have no-"

I take a swing at him and he ducks back, chuckling nervously.

"You are just like them. Afraid of it. Afraid of this weapon. Gee, I wonder why that is?" I smile sweetly at him before I take another swing, purposely missing hitting his neck by a hair. "Can it kill you, immortal or not? Hmm?"

"Little girl, you are harnessing forces of the like that you and no other mortal have ever witnessed in the lifetime of human history."

"Interesting."

I take a second to look back at Faith and she's still lying motionless on the side of the road. I catch the rise and fall of her chest, knowing she's still breathing and still here-just unconscious-and I turn my attention back to the bastard who has been playing with not only her, but all of us for quite some time. Enough is enough. He wants to die? I don't care if I give him his version of a happy ending. I don't want to deal with his games, his bullshit, for the rest of my life.

"I wonder," I say and I move quickly to grab the collar of his cheap looking leather jacket and place the stake part of the scythe to his chest. "Can I kill you like this?"

Roman whimpers and I spin the scythe in my hand, holding the sharp blade to his throat.

"Or can I kill you like this?"

My hand is shaking and I can't control it. I want him dead. We've all wanted him dead for so long after all he and Olivia put not only Faith through, but all of us. Faith had her chance in the vineyard to kill him and she didn't. I don't completely understand why she didn't. I don't think I ever will. I want him dead and gone and that urge, that craving just to take his life is a force I'm having trouble fighting.

It's never been this hard just to kill the bad guy. This ranks right up to that moment when I had to kill Angel, even after all the things he'd done to us. I don't feel a single thing for Roman other than hate, but to give him what he wants? That just let's him win this sick game he's been playing with us.

He struggles to get out of my hold, but can't break free. My grip on him is iron-clad. I press the blade of the scythe to his neck and he lets out a cry as it breaks his skin. I can feel the warmth of his blood and the coldness of it too. I pull harder, feeling every inch of skin, muscle, tendon and veins give way as the scythe slices through his neck.

I push the body away from me in disgust and I swear I can hear the drops of blood as it falls from the scythe as I make my way back over to where Faith lays. I drop the scythe to the ground and pull her to me, holding her lip body to mine as I kiss over her cheeks and lips again in a desperate attempt to wake her up.

The truck explodes and I can feel the force, but it barely rattles me as I hold on to Faith. I look over at the body of Roman, already withered away aside from his clothes and I lay Faith gently back on the ground. I march over to the headless body and yank the belt around his waist, using it to strap the scythe to my back. I walk back over to Faith and pick her up and being the long walk home.

Nothing can touch me. The power I feel from the scythe is beyond words. It killed Roman and he, as far as the signs tell me, was immortal once again. Impervious to harm. The scythe? It killed him. The power of it is far more than I can comprehend. There is meaning behind this weapon. It feels like it's mine and it is, but it's not just mine, it's Faith's too. And Satsu's. We're all slayers and even though Satsu now carries the line, it doesn't matter. We feel that power this weapon wields. We know the power it holds even if the words don't make much sense yet.

"We're almost home, Faith," I whisper to her as the dense trees clear the the sights of Sunnydale are there in front of me. "Hold on, baby. We're almost home. It's almost over."

* * *

><p>Faith hasn't woken up since I got us home. The others are downstairs going over everything they can find on this weapon we found in the vineyard. I can hear them, but my attention isn't on them, it's on Faith as she lays in our bed, her breathing steady yet slow. I reach over and gently caress her face with my fingers, careful to avoid the few cuts she sustained when the truck hit Roman in the middle of the road.<p>

"Faith?" I say softly as I move to lay down next to her. "Are you gonna wake up any time soon?"

She doesn't flinch. Her breathing doesn't even change. I wonder if she can even hear me. Is she just unconscious or did that accident cause her to slip into a coma? I lean over and gently press my lips to her cheek. Still nothing. I sigh loudly and lay my head down on the pillow next to her and just stare at her.

I start to think of that night she found me after I had to crawl my way out of my own coffin. I remember how scared I was, even of her. But I do remember how she didn't let me go and how she took care of me in a way I never thought she would. Even after when things started feeling normal again, the only time I felt anything was when I was around her. Something about her, something about the way she'd just look at me drew me in and the feelings I felt for her were so overwhelming I couldn't just ignore them.

I'm happy I didn't. There's been a lot of ups and downs, but every moment, even the worst of them, has brought us to where we are now. Here, together, alive and we truly have a chance to put an end to the First Evil. Once that's taken care of, we can move on with our lives. All of us.

"Shit, my head hurts," Faith groans and I lift my head off the pillow, smiling at her as she reaches up to touch the side of her head. She blinks a few times and turns to look at me. "Hey."

"Hey."

"What happened?"

"Roman happened," I reply softly. "We hit him and the truck flipped."

"Damn. Did we kill him?"

"Not with the truck."

"Then how-"

"He was immortal again, but with the scythe, it cut right through him like butter."

"You sure he's dead, B?"

"I'm sure," I smile and she smiles too. "How bad does your head hurt?"

"Not so bad actually. How long I been outta it for?"

"Couple of hours."

Faith groans and closes her eyes again and she wraps her arms around me, holding me close. I close my eyes and just enjoy the feel of her holding me close. I feel so giddy when I feel her press her lips to my forehead before she tilts my chin to kiss me fully on the lips. Our kiss is short lived, of course, broken apart by a soft knock on the partly open bedroom door.

It's Willow and she's smiling, so I know she's come bearing good news. Faith, however, isn't ready to let me go just yet and pulls me in for another kiss. She lingers for a moment before pulling back, smiling at me as she loosens her hold on me.

"What did you guys find?" I ask Willow, sitting up and motioning for her to come in.

"We're going to do the spell. It's going to work," Willow says excitedly. "Nice to see you're awake, Faith."

"Thanks, Red."

"The spell will actually work?" I ask her and she nods, sitting down on the edge of the bed across from me. "We're sure it's not going to work against us?"

"Selwyn and the coven have confirmed it. We also found out a few things about the scythe. Buffy, it holds more power than any of us can even conceive. It's probably the most powerful weapon in the world. Every inch of it was forged with magic and although we cannot feel the power, we feel something there. I think there's more we can use it for if there's still any magic left inside of it after we do the spell to destroy the First."

"More? What do you mean?"

"We could call more slayers, turn the potentials into real slayers without anyone having to die."

"Sounds like it could do a lot of good for the world," Faith says, slowly pulling herself up until she's sitting with her back against the headboard. "But most of these potential slayers are just kids. They have no idea what the hell they're getting into here. Betting most of them don't even realize magic is real, vampires and demons are very much real."

"We'll talk about that after we deal with the First, okay, Will?" I say to her, knowing that while she's thinking of the bigger picture, more slayers-hundreds of thousands of them-might not be the right thing right now. "Faith, are you feeling okay enough to come downstairs?"

"Five by five, B."

"When are you doing the spell, Will?"

"As soon as we gather the troops. We're going to head over to the school. The spell needs to be done over the Hellmouth."

I nod and get up from the bed as she does the same. Faith stretches and groans and I can't help but watch her as she does it. Even something as mundane as stretching has my body buzzing and my mouth practically watering at the sight of her.

Shaking those thoughts from my head, I lead the way downstairs into the dining room where the others are gathered around the table. Selwyn is here and she's reading over the spell that Roman had given us, muttering under her breath as she traces her fingers over the words. The scythe is in the middle of the table and even without touching it, I can feel the tremors of power coming off it in waves.

Giles lays out the plan, bringing Faith and I up to speed on what they'd spent the morning discussing. Myself, Faith, Satsu and a handful of the better trained potentials are going to escort Willow, Tara and Selwyn to the school as a precaution. We don't know what is going to happen when they perform the spell with the scythe. We don't know if the Hellmouth will open when they do the spell, we don't know what could be there waiting for us. Giles informs us that Spike and Wood are already at the school, securing all sewer access points and any way out of the basement just in case the Hellmouth does open. At least then we'll have a fighting chance and not end up dead on the spot.

We all know we need to do this today, strike before the First has a chance to strike at us tomorrow, as Roman said was planned. Giles goes over the plan again as we gather weapons and round up a handful of the potential slayers, explaining everything to them as we arm ourselves.

Today is the day we put an end to this and I really would prefer for it to go down without a fight. Maybe for once in my life things will go exactly as planned and we'll all walk away without so much of a scratch.

Wishful thinking? Maybe so, but it doesn't hurt to hope for the best instead of fear the worst, does it?

* * *

><p>Faith isn't with me while I stand guard just outside Robin Wood's office where Willow, Tara and Selwyn are preparing for the spell. Kennedy and another girl is with me and they've been silent the entire time. Faith is with a few of the girls in the front of the school, standing guard in case anything comes in from the outside and Satsu is with the other two by the basement door with Spike.<p>

I start pacing because I'm starting to feel anxious. I don't know how long this spell is going to take. Giles comes from around the corner with Wood following close behind him. They're each carrying a long broadsword and Wood has a large crossbow strapped to his back.

"We cleared the rest of the school," Giles says to me and I nod. "I checked in with the others back at home. Xander said that some of the girls are terrified."

"But they're okay?"

"Staying safe," Giles replies. "Robin?" He says as he turns to face Wood. "Go to the atrium and wait. I'll be along in a few moments. I need to speak with Buffy."

Wood nods and quickly walks away in the direction of the atrium. I got to wonder when he became an obedient little lap dog. I still don't trust him entirely, but he's here and it wasn't my choice. It was Giles' that he came here with us.

Giles doesn't actually say a word to me, instead he slips into the office and shuts the door quickly behind him. I strain to hear what is going on inside the principal's office, but they're in there whispering and there's no way I can make out even a word of what is being said. Kennedy jumps when we hear a crash coming from the direction of the basement door and I grip my sword tightly.

"What was that?" Kennedy whispers, the fear in her voice faint but there. "Buffy?"

"Be quiet."

Giles slips out from inside the office, motioning for me to follow him. We walk down the hall until we're just out of earshot.

"They've begun the spell," he says quietly. "I've called Xander. He's getting the others ready to board the bus."

"What, why?"

"We may run into a big problem," he replies and the tone in his voice almost sends chills down my spine. "And by may, we will as soon as the first phase of the spell is done. Selwyn is certain it is inevitable that the Hellmouth is going to open."

"How much time do we have?"

"Not long. I'll stay with the girls and protect Selwyn, Willow and Tara. I need you to gather the others and head down to the Seal. Buffy, I'd rather be prepared than be caught off guard."

"I know. I want to be prepared as well. You did say this could be a scenario."

"Stay safe."

"Of course. You too," I smile at him and without another word I head to the front of the school to get Faith and the girls that are with her.

I don't even need to say anything to her, it's almost as if she knows the game has changed and the rules are different now. We make our way quickly to the basement door, but Satsu and the girls that were with her aren't there. Spike is standing by the open basement door, lazily taking a drag of his cigarette.

"Where did they go?"

"Down there," he replies as he motions to the door. "Wouldn't listen to a damn word I had to say. They're bloody reckless children."

I push my way past him and heading down the stairs quickly. Faith is right behind me as are the girls. We take a few turns and up ahead in the corridor I can see Satsu, but not the girls that were with her before. I just shake my head at her, ignoring the tears that are streaming down her face. Wood and Spike had sealed the door that leads to the room the Hellmouth Seal is in, but it's been broken open. I kick what's left of the door and it swings open.

I look back at Faith and she gives me a little nod. It's all I need to walk into the dark room. Faith lights her lighter and she grabs a torch off the ground and lights it, tossing it to me before looking around for another one. The Seal is glowing and the ground rumbles slightly beneath our feet as we stand at the edge. I have Faith to my right and Spike on my left and the girls are behind us.

The ground shakes again and I know I'm not the only one who can feel the power of the spell being performed above us. I stand closer to Faith and she grabs my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. We don't know what is going to happen or if anything is going to happen, but I know we have to be ready for anything right now-including the worst.

I just hope Xander and the rest of the girls get here. Faith, Spike, Satsu and I can hold our own with some of the stronger girls right here with us to back us up, but they are weaker than we are, they don't move as quickly as we do and they might just not survive what could be waiting for us just beyond the Seal.

I turn to Faith and she mouths "I love you" and smiles when I mouth the words right back at her. We turn to look down at the Seal as the glow emanating from it grows brighter. This time when the ground shakes again, the Seal begins to open and I know we've run out of time.

My heart is racing as the Seal opens completely and reveals a winding stone staircase down into darkness. I grab the torch I had laid on the ground in front of me and I step forward, dropping it into the Hellmouth. It's not a far drop and I can see the flicker of the flame from where I'm standing. I look back at Faith and she looks scared, but ready for whatever is going to happen next.

I lead the group down the winding stone stairs. We move quietly, cautiously, our weapons at the ready. It open into a large cavern and I can hear roaring coming from the pit that's just up ahead. Everything about this place is identical to what I'd seen in those nightmares before, exactly the same right down to the small long boulder I just nearly tripped over.

"Holy shit," Faith says under her breath as we reach the edge of the giant pit. "Buffy?"

I motion for her to stay quiet and we ease our way back from the edge and moving out of sight of the hundreds of thousands of Turok-Han below us. My gut is telling me to get us out of here before we're noticed and the Turok-Han attack, but the slayer inside of me knows we can't just leave, that we can't just go running like a bunch of scared little girls.

I look back at the entrance as Xander leads the rest of the girls down and I motion for them to stay quiet. But when Xander trips over the boulder I almost did and lands on the ground hard, the sound of his body hitting the ground echoes throughout the cavern. There is a deafening roar as thousands of the Turok-Han begin to climb up from the pit. I stand in front of the others with Faith at my side, ready to fight.

"How far into the spell are they?" I yell at Xander.

"Almost there! We just gotta hold the line, keep them down here until the spell is done!"

I turn my attention back to the Turok-Han, watching as they climb over the edge. I ready my sword, as does Faith. I can't see the girls behind me and I know how scared they are, but I also know that they've been taught to feed on their fear and use it to their advantage rather than succumbing to it.

I take a step forward and make the first blow, the sword coming across hard and striking the Turok-Han in the neck. It's obvious from the first kill that they are not as strong as the one that Faith and I had faced before. It has to do with the spell Willow, Tara, and Selwyn are doing, I know it.

The others jump right into the fight and I keep my eye on the potentials while I fight two Turok-Han that are trying to corner me up against a wall. I kick one in the chest and strike my sword into the stomach of the other. It won't kill it, but it stuns it enough for me to gain leverage and decapitate its ugly head.

There are fifteen or so girls guarding the entrance to the Hellmouth and the Turok-Han are quickly making their way towards them. Seven of them blow past the girls, killing a handful of them and I feel like my heart has been torn from my chest as I can do nothing but watch them fall lifelessly to the ground.

"Faith! They're getting out!" I yell at her and she's struggling with three Turok-Han that are surrounding her. I march over towards her and grab one by the back of its leather vest and throw it back into the crowd of them gaining on me. "Faith! We've got to stop them from getting out!"

_"Buffy, get everyone out of there now!"_

_"Will?"_

_"Now! We're almost done and once we are, the Seal will close. Get everyone out now!"_

I groan at the lightheaded feeling of having Willow talk to me through our thoughts, but I quickly shake it off and help Faith dust the two Turok-Han that are getting far too close to her and gaining the upper hand.

"Faith, we have to get everyone out of here now!"

"What? Why?"

"The spell! It'll close us in here! Let's get everyone and go!"

Between the two of us, we manage to get most of the girls to get up the stairs and out. But the sight of almost half of them lying dead on the ground stirs something in me. I'm angry and I'm upset. I'm feeling things that there are no words to describe them. Faith grabs on to my arm, urging me to get out of there with her, but I stop and look back at where Spike is still fighting and holding his own. Near him is Satsu, dead on the ground with a pool of blood gathering around her head.

"Come on, Buffy, we gotta get the hell outta here now!" Faith yells from where she's standing at the bottom of the stairs. "Come on!"

"Spike!" I scream loud enough for him to hear over the deafening roar of the Turok-Han still in the pit, hundreds more making their way up. "We're going!"

"I'm staying!" He laughs maniacally. "If this is it, I want to see how it all ends!"

"Spike!"

"Go on, Buffy. I'll hold them back. Go on now, go save the world. It's what you do best. Go now, Slayer!" He yells at me and I shake my head no. I'm not just going to leave him here.

"Buffy, come on," Faith cries out and she runs towards me and grabs my arm again. "B, come on."

"We can't just leave him here!"

"Come on!" Faith urges and the desperation in her voice makes me make a run for it with her up the stairs.

We just barely make it out of the Seal before it closes and the force of magic coming from it throws us across the room. But it's not over yet. I race out of the room behind Faith and we follow the girls who are already making a run for it. The ground begins to shake again, more violently than before. It's making all of us unsteady on our feet, but we make it up the stairs just in time to see one of the Turok-Han that had escaped use Robin Wood's own sword to slice him clean in half.

Faith makes a run towards the Turok-Han and I head towards the office as fast as I can run. I don't know how many escaped from inside the Hellmouth, but I am not going to allow them to kill Giles, Willow, Tara or Selwyn. Not when we've come this far.

As I round the corner I can hear the sounds of swords clanking against each other and I see Giles fighting not one, but two Turok-Han just outside of the office. Kennedy runs straight past me with speed I had no idea she even had and I can only watch as she pulls one of the Turok-Han away from Giles and throws it almost effortlessly down the hallway.

"Pretty sure it's safe to say the slayer line has moved on to Kennedy," Faith says from beside me.

"You take care of the one that killed Wood?"

She nods and we stand together and watch as Kennedy kills both Turok-Han with such ease she makes it look like they are just another normal vampire she'd come across during a normal, routine patrol. Giles is beyond himself and aside from a few scratches on his face and his torn shirt, he's okay.

Before any of us can ask him if he's okay, just to be sure, a powerful blast much like the one we encountered down by the Seal comes rippling out of the office, knocking us off our feet. I stand, dazed and the shaking ground slows, the rumble fading slowly. One by one the others join us in the hallway. First Xander and Dawn, then Andrew and Anya come out from one of the classrooms. The potentials are the last to join us, most of them still very much afraid and unsure of what had happened and what is about to happen next.

"Is it over?" Dawn asks me and I shrug, wrapping my arms around her as the tears stream down her face. "God, please tell me it's over. Are you okay?" She asks, sniffling as she steps out of my arms.

"I'm okay," I smile a little and she lets out a relieved sigh. "Did anyone see any more Turok-Han? Some escaped before it was closed."

"I killed one!" Andrew says excitedly. "It almost got to Anya, but I saved her."

"My nerd in cheap cotton armour," Anya says sarcastically, but after she rolls her eyes she pulls Andrew in and hugs him tight. "Thank you," I hear her whisper softly before she forcibly pushes him away from her. "No manhandling the married woman! Xander! Tell nerd-boy to keep his grubby little hero hands away from me!"

I turn to Faith and she's wiping the cut she got during the car accident that had been reopened during the fight. I reach up and using the sleeve of my jacket, I dab the trickle of blood away just before it rolls past her eyebrow.

"You okay?" I ask her quietly and she smiles as she makes me lower my arm.

"Buffy?" Giles says quietly before he clears his throat. "How many?"

I know he was asking how many we lost. Looking around at the group gathered in the hallway is considerably less than it was before we came here. The loss is obvious and a lot of the potentials are trying not to cry at the loss of the girls who had become their friends, their family over the past few months.

"Satsu was one of them," I say to him and he nods his head sadly. "I think Kennedy-she's the slayer that holds the line now."

"Yes as it is quite obvious in the way she just handled those two that were attacking me," Giles replies.

We all fall silent as the door to the office opens and it's Selwyn who steps out first. Willow and Tara follow behind her, moving slowly and looking completely drained. Willow hands the scythe to me with a small smile before she stumbles back into Tara, who just barely manages to catch her before she collapses.

"It is done," Selwyn says, her voice strained. "A trying spell. Powerful. Every being in the world would have felt the power that was released from the scythe."

"Huh?" Faith says, joining me by my side. "What does that even mean?"

"Kennedy is not the only potential who is now a slayer," Selwyn replies. "When we banished the First to the furthest depths of the Hellmouth and permanently closed the Seal, the power that makes a slayer what she is was released as well. Any girl in the world who was destined to be Called if the time came, has been given the power."

"So it just banished the First, it didn't kill it?" Faith asks and when Selwyn nods, she let's out a frustrated grunt. "All that and its still _alive_?"

"Alive, not quite. Dormant."

"You are quite certain?" Giles asks and Selwyn nods, placing a hand on his shoulder. "For how long do you believe it will lay dormant?"

"As was done thousands of years ago, it shall not awaken for many, many years. For now, the world is safe from the dangers of what the First Evil has strived for. Do not worry yourselves over the future or of what may come in time. Keep the scythe safe, make sure it is passed down throughout the generations and it can be assured that may the situation arise again, it can be taken care of much as we've just done."

"So, what do we do now?" Dawn asks.

"Yeah, Buffy, what do we do now?" Faith asks and I smile at her as I reach for her hand.

"Home. We go home."


	63. Chapter 63

****Author's Notes:** Well, this is the end. What a long long ride it's been (a year and a half!) Just want to thank those who kept reading and I wanted to say how much I appreciate those who reviewed along the way. It was one of those stories that was meant to be one thing and turned into something else entirely! Until the next one :)**

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue<strong>

(Faith's POV)

It's been a few months since we put an end to the First Evil. Lost a lot of girls that day and not one of us ever forget any of them. How can we when they put their lives on the line to help us fight the good fight, making sure the rest of us made it through to see another day?

It took nearly a month before Sunnydale's residents starting coming back from wherever they ran to when things started getting bad around here. I wouldn't say that life in the 'Dale is back to normal, but it's as close as it's been in a helluva long time, that's for sure. The one thing that amazes me about Sunnydale and the people that live here is the fact that they turn a blind eye to what is so clearly right in front of them and then the fact that after evacuating from their homes, from the town itself for months on an end, they return and rebuild and get their lives right back on track.

And me and B? We're in a good place right now. Definitely can't complain about that. Everything about the day Willow, Tara and Selwyn did that spell, the plans we had in place, we definitely didn't see things playing out the way they did. I didn't think they Hellmouth would open and that Buffy would lead us down there. Didn't think we'd see the First's army with our own eyes and outside of the nightmares we'd been given by the Powers That Be. How do I know that? Long, long talks with Angel and Cordelia, just trying to make sense of it all.

I didn't even mention any of the talks I had with them to Buffy until a few weeks ago. Probably wasn't the right thing to do, but after all the shit I've been through in the last year, it was just something I had to work out on my own and to figure out some of the thoughts that kept nitpicking me and creating chaos in my head day in and day out. Yet, I should know by now that I don't gotta keep anything from Buffy. I _can_ talk to her about anything and sure, she may bug me, nit-pick and all that, but she cares and it shows every single day in everything she does, everything she says and how she looks at me when we say nothing at all.

I keep asking myself almost every day, how is it I got so damn lucky to end up with someone like Buffy? Sure, she's not perfect, but she _gets_ me and for me, that's all I ever wanted. She stuck by me even after I nearly damn well lost my soul and jumped back into the darkness that had almost consumed me once before. I don't know why she did, but I'm fucking thankful that for whatever reason she stuck by me, that she did.

Giles shipped off back to England a few days ago, taking Kennedy, Vi, Rona and a few other girls with him. The other potentials that had been here with us, they headed off to the other Hellmouth's around the world to set up shop and fight the baddies that crawl those city streets at night. One city at a time, a half dozen slayers in each and hundreds of thousands more around the world, we're going to win the fight against evil. It's not gonna happen overnight, but with the First out of the picture for at least a few thousands years, we got a fighting chance to put a start to the end of all things that go bump in the night.

Xander and Anya bought their first house together too and it's the place next door to us. Willow and Tara are still living here, but they've been looking for their own place closer to Sunnydale University. I'm betting they're itching to get out of here 'cause that barrier spell they cast around mine and Buffy's room doesn't always work. I know this 'cause Dawn keeps saying how we're gonna pay for her therapy for the next thirty years.

And like the people of Sunnydale returning, the vamps and demons have returned too, but it's not like it ever was before. I'm pretty sure most of the ones who knew and called Sunnydale their home are still too afraid to return. Here's hoping it stays like that 'cause I can use plenty of short patrols and a night in with Buffy for as long as forever is.

"Hey," Buffy smiles at me as she walks out the front door and sits down next to me on the front steps. "Last cold one," she says as she hands me a beer.

"Thanks, B."

I pull her in for a kiss, keeping it short and sweet. She moans when I pull back from her lips and I just wink at her before slinging an arm around her and taking a sip of my cold beer she's brought out for me. It's still light out and I can smell Xander cooking steaks next door for dinner. We should be over there now, but I'm quite content with sitting out here on the porch steps with Buffy for a little while.

"I was thinking," I say as I look over at her and she playfully rolls her eyes. "Maybe we could skip out on patrol tonight. Spend time with the fam, kick back, then spend a little time just you and me."

"We always do that."

"Ya complaining about it?" I tease her and she shakes her head no. "Didn't think so."

"It's never been like this," she says and she lets out a soft sigh as she rests her head on my shoulder. "I like this. We slay, we do couple-y things, we spend time with the others as a family, we-oh god, is this as close to normal as we're going to get, Faith?"

"Sure."

"Do you ever think about what it'd be like if things happened differently that day?"

"Think about it all the time, B, but when it comes down to it, at the end of the day we won and we're here and we're happy and healthy. That's all that matters, don't it?"

And I do think about how things could've gone differently that day. I think about how badly it could've ended from the bad to the very worst. It's something I can't help and I know Buffy can't either. I know we walked into the Hellmouth, we did so not knowing what was gonna happen to us. I personally didn't think we'd get out of there alive and that we'd be here where we are right now. I didn't think the spell would work and that we'd all end up dead, a last laugh from Roman playing us just as he had done for months on an end.

But it's over. It's all over. We defeated the odds and rewrote the prophecies written hundreds of years ago. That right there proves to me every day that one can save the world and defeat all odds, but not without the help of those around them. Determination played a big part too. Fear as well. Death started this all, after all it did bring me to Sunnydale in the first place.

The feel of Buffy's lips as she kisses over my neck tears me out of my thoughts. I don't think I'll ever grow tired or bored of the way she makes me feel when she's touching me or kissing me or even when she's near me. I feel whole when I'm with her and I know she feels the same. I feel it whenever we're together, which is pretty much all the damn time, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

"We should go over before Anya throws a fit," Buffy murmurs, her lips caressing my skin as she speaks.

"No, not yet," I whisper and I tilt her chin upwards and kiss her.

Buffy moans, pushing against me before she gives in and kisses me hard and deep, not holding herself back at all. I surprise myself by ending the kiss first. I don't even say a word, and I don't have to as I get to my feet and pull Buffy up with me. I lead the way into the house and I barely manage to set my beer down on the table by the door before she shuts it and has me pressed up against it, her lips on mine and she's kissing me hard.

I don't hold back with her anymore. I know I don't have to. Despite all the odds, she's stuck by me and to this day I have no idea why. All I know is I ain't ever gonna question her and her feelings and what she feels for me. Everything we've been through has brought us here and we're stronger together than we are apart. I know this now. I don't know why or how it happened, it just did. Fate? Hardly that, but whatever it was that brought us here, I almost feel the need to send a gift basket of sorts-or something along the lines to show my appreciation that after all the wrong that has happened in my life, something is finally turning out right.

The feel of Buffy's hands roaming over my body brings me back to the here and now. And damn, this woman knows just what buttons to push to get me revving, that's for sure. And I know what buttons of hers to push too and I slam my thigh up between her legs as I grip her ass and she moans in my mouth, her whole body reacting to mine.

I know exactly where this is gonna lead and that's gonna mean skipping out on the usual Friday night barbecue at Xander and Anya's place with the gang. Not to mention the follow up of us not showing up from Anya, which is pretty much a mini-apocalypse in itself. I've learned you definitely don't wanna mess with Anya, especially not during that time of month. She never holds back on the fact she's fully mortal and experiences all mortal things now. I roll with the punches with her, 'cause lets face it, Anya is downright hilarious and her being her, former demon, her aspect on being human is far more entertaining than I ever thought it'd be.

I moan as Buffy slips her hand beyond the waistband of the sweats I'm wearing. It's a two way street for us. We both take and give and want and have as much as the other. I fucking love it.

"Ahem."

Dawn, of course, pulls us from our moment. Can I just say how much I'm looking forward to her graduating and moving off to college I am? It's not gonna happen for at least another year but damn, I'd rather pay her tuition than her therapy bills, so to speak. Not my fault Buffy can't keep her hands to herself most times...

"Xander just called. We should head over there before Anya loses it," Dawn says, grabbing her set of keys off the key ring hung by the door. "Oh and Xander said if you got it, bring it. Whatever that means."

"It means beer, D," I reply, chuckling as Buffy shoots me that look. "And no you can't have one. But hey, thanks for reminding me to bring that six pack along. Tell Xan and Anya we'll be around soon-ish."

"Oh god, spare me the details!" Dawn yells as she walks out the front door and slams it shut behind her.

I can't help but laugh at the mortified look on Buffy's face right now. All I gotta do is lick over my lips and give her that look and she falls for it. Every single time. I can play her just as well as she can play me. Maybe that's why we work so well together? Who knows.

I leave my barely touched beer on the table by the door and take Buffy's hands in mine, pulling her in close until she's flush against me. The barbecue at Xander and Anya's is the last thing on my mind now and I'm willing to be a dozen lifetimes it's now the last thing Buffy is thinking too.

A lot has gone unresolved. There aren't answers for everything that has happened not just to me, or her, but all of us, and yet I'm okay with that.

'Cause you know whatever doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. Not only that, it makes you view life in a completely different way. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't, but when it comes to me, right here right now, I finally got the good end of the deal.

You're meant to be strong in moments it's needed and in moments you don't realize you have to be and yet are regardless the situation. Life is pretty funny that way, but it's no laughing matter when in the end, I finally got the girl and the life I've always wanted.

**The End**


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